Los Suegros: La guía Chapman para los suegros, los Yernos, las nueras y los cuñados

by Gary Chapman

El tipo de relación que tenga con sus suegros afecta la relación que tiene con su esposa. Una relación positiva con sus suegros es una de las ventajas más grandes. Vivir en armonía, alentando y apoyándose mutuamente, ayuda a que todos alcancemos nuestro potencial. Por otra parte, las relaciones problemáticas con los suegros pueden ser una fuente de profundo dolor y amargura emocional. Cuando los suegros se rinden al resentimiento, la ira y el retraimiento, se unen a las filas de las familias en conflicto. Los siete principios que se proporcionan en este pequeño libro alentarán a aquellos que están luchando en las relaciones con sus suegros. Al mantener estos principios en la vida cotidiana, usted será recompensado con una relación fortalecida y de beneficio mutuo con sus suegros.
The kind of relationship you have with your in-laws affects the kind of relationship you have with your spouse. Positive in-law relationships are one of your greatest assets. Living in harmony, encouraging and supporting each helps all of us reach our potential. On the other hand, troublesome in-law relationships can be a source of deep emotional pain and bitterness. When in-laws give in to resentment, anger and withdrawal, they have joined the ranks of dysfunctional families. The seven principles shared in this little book will encourage those struggling with in-law relationships. If these principles are woven into the fabric of your daily life, you will be rewarded with a strengthened and mutually benefiting in-law relationship.

Genres: Marriage, Relationships, Nonfiction, Christian, Self Help

176 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2008

About the author

Gary Demonte Chapman is an American author and radio talk show host. Chapman is most noted for his The Five Love Languages series regarding human relationships.

Reviews

[منة عبد الفتاح · Rating 4 out of 5]

الكتاب بديهي بطريقه مهينه! وغير بديهي بطريقه مهينه!
دعني اشرح لك !
يخبرك تشابمان انك يجب ان تتحلي بالآتي نحو علاقه افضل مع حمويك :
١.الاحترام.
٢.مهارة بناء الحدود.
٣.مهاره الإستماع.
٤.مهاره النقاش بدون جدال.
٥.مهاره التوصل لحلول وسط.


لااعتقد انه يوجد انسان علي وجه الارض لايستطيع اعطاء محاضره عصماء في كل من هذه المهارات و نظم الكلام عن اهميتها واسبابها و معيقاتها و نتاءج العمل بها .
هذه هي الاهانه الاولي!
لا معلش لا يا تشابمان! ده احنا ياخويا نحترموك و نحترموك اوي كمان !
يضعك امام حقيقه : هل اذا زارك حمويك بدون استئذان عده مرات في الاسبوع بشكل اعترض واجبات اطفالك ووقتكم الخاص كعاءله بل وايضا مواعيد النوم والمدرسة، ستكون قادر علي تطبيق اي من المهارات المذكورة آنفا كما حدث لاحد عملاءه؟!
هنا الاهانه الثانية، الكتاب غير بديهي و هذا مهين !
انا اعرف الاحترام لكن كيف احترم من اذاني!
اعرف جيدا الاستماع لكن كيف استمع لمن يضايقني؟!
اعرف ان ابني حدودا لكن كيف احد من تدخل حماتي في حياه اسرتي الصغيره!
وانا اتناقش عن النووي و ايران وإسرائيل كإفطار و غذاء وعشاء و لكن كيف اتناقش مع حماي انني سأدخل ابني نظام دراسي مختلف عن نظامه الذي يعتنقه؟
ولا يفوقني احد في مهارات التواصل لكن حين يجب ان اتواصل مع حماواي حول المصيف العائلي السنوي يضيق صدري ولا ينطلق لساني!

الحقيقه ان جاري تشابمان هنا قالك السر لما قال : " كيف يمكنك الهروب من هذا نمط مدمر ؟ بالاختيار الواعي. أولا، عليك أن تدرك قيمة الكلام ؛ وبعد ذلك عليك أن تجربه.
عندما تتدرب فإنَّ ثمة احتمالا أكبر في أنك تستطيع التطبيق في سياق الأحاديث المباشرة.
إنك لن تقوم بترسيخ فن بين عشية وضحاها. ستسمع نفسك من وقت لآخر تقول عكس ما تتدرب عليه تدارك نفسك و أختر العكس بطريقه واعيه"
من الجميل جدا في كتب تشابمان انه بيحط امثله و طرق تطبيق عملي و ملخص ف آخر كل فصل علي شكل نقاط وده بيخلي الاستفاده اعمق.

وربنا المؤدب والمربي والهادي الي سواء السبيل.

[سلمى فؤاد · Rating 4 out of 5]

عندما يتزوَّج شخصان، فإنهما لا يتزوَّج أحدهما الآخر فقط، بل يتزوَّجان داخل أسرة تتكوَّن من والدي الزوجين وربما أشقائهما، ويختلف كل شخص عن الآخر، وغالبًا ما تؤدي هذه الاختلافات إلى صعوبات قابلة للتعديل، وغالبًا ما تركز مشاكل الأنسباء على مسائل في السيطرة، والتدخل، وعدم الملاءمة، والتعارض في القيم والتقاليد، فيهدف هذا الكتاب إلى تقديم أفكار عملية حول كيفية التصرف خلال هذه الصراعات وبناء علاقات إيجابية مع الحموين، وتقوية الحياة الزوجية.
أفكار تستحق أن تذكر:
1-إن الهدف من الإصغاء هو اكتشاف ما يدور في أذهان الأشخاص الآخرين وفي قلوبهم. إذ فهمنا السبب الذي يدفع الناس إلى فعل ما يفعلونه، يمكننا الحصول على إجوبة أكثر ملائمة.
2-تبنى العلاقات بالسعي إلى الفهم، وتدمر بالمقاطعة والجدال.
3-يدفعني الاحترام إلى منح حمويّ الحرية نفسها التي سمح الله بها للبشر أجمعين_ حرية الاختلاف عن الآخر_ ولهذا لن أسعى إلى فرض إرادتي على حموي، بل على العكس، عندما أجد نفسي على خلاف معهما، سأبحث عن حل يحترم اختلافاتنا.
4-إن التعدي على الخصوصية هو مجال شائع للخلافات مع الحموين، ولكن حينما يُظهر الزوجان الأصغر سنًا الاحترام لأفكار أهلهما وحمويهما؛ ويشاركهم صراحة شعورهما بالإحباط، فإن المشاكل يمكن أن تُسوى.
5-لا يمكننا أن نتوقع أن تسوى خلافاتنا كلها بين عشية وضحاها أو بحديث واحد..يستغرق الأمر وقتًا وجهدًا لفهم وجهة نظر الطرف الآخر، وللتفاوض على حلول لخلافاتنا، إنها عملية تستمر مدى الحياة، وهي في الوقت نفسه جوهر العلاقات وروحها.

[Widad Bch · Rating 5 out of 5]

ثاني قراءة لي مع الكاتب غاري تشامبان كانت مذهلة كما المرة الأولى في كتابه لغات الحب الخمس فقد ابهرني باسلوبه البسيط ولغته السهلة ونصائحه التي تكون في الصميم بلا تكرار وشعور بالملل عند قراءة أسطر كتبه فهو يقدم فقط ما تحتاج إليه
بلا لف ولا دوران وباسلوب مقنع وهذا نادرا ما تجده عند كتاب التنمية البشرية والذي أعيبه فيهم بشدة
في هذا الكتاب تحدث عن أهمية العلاقة بين الزوجين والاهل بصفة عامة وليس فقط الآباء إذ ان من السهل الميل إلى العداء والمقاطعة ولكن الإحساس بالذنب يظل مدى الحياة فهو يشير في كتابه إلى تقبل الاختلاف والصبر على الآخر لأن كل ذلك يؤدي إلى المحبة

[Belal Khan · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lot of the content overlaps with "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and goes back to the idea of building character.

Listen Before You Speak: Be inquisitive. Ask questions and be genuinely curious to learn about the other person. Get to know them as a human being. Learn their story.

Learn the Art of Showing Respect

Speak for yourself, not others.

Be negotiable.


Make requests, not demands. People aren't your slave or servant. Respect their right to decline what you've asked. They're not in the wrong in doing so. When they do, express gratitude.

[Jennifer · Rating 1 out of 5]

I didn't finish. As a Christian, I appreciate a biblical outlook on things. It was a nice reminder of what "honoring your parents" really means, but I didn't find the techniques given as being able to realistically work with in-laws who do not have have a Christian background. May be okay for those experiencing minor problems, but for any major issues I would recommend "Toxic In-Laws" by Susan Forward, which I found much more helpful.

[Meriem · Rating 3 out of 5]

مثل كل مره عندما يكون الكاتب من مجتمع غير مجتمعنا توجد افكار لا يمكن أن تطبق في مجتمعنا

[Jeffrey Bush · Rating 4 out of 5]

Needy and timely subject. I really enjoyed and learned from the insights in this book. Below are some of my personal takeaways:


Relationships are built by seeking understanding, and they are torn down by interruptions and arguments.

If you greet and treat others with respect, they will be more willing to listen to your point of view.

Learn the art of respect. Respect is a major ingredient in building positive in-law relationships.

Respect allows freedom of choice. The opposite of respect is manipulation.

You cannot gain respect by showing disrespect.

Ideas should be shared as suggestions, not demands. You can respect another person‘s ideas without having to follow their ideas.

“You” statements usually start fights. Use “I” statements.

Negotiation is the opposite of withdrawal and resentment.

Grant the gift of freedom. The greatest gift that parents can give to their married children is freedom.

Don’t make your married children dependent on you. Marriage is about independence, not dependence.

You don’t build positive in-law relationships by making negative comments about someone else’s interests.

The ultimate key that unlocks the door of becoming friends with your in-laws is an attitude of love.

If you want to help your in-laws, find out what they believe is helpful instead of using your own judgment.

Genuine love is seldomly rejected, but someone must take the initiative to love.

If you’re going to love your in-laws, you need kindness and patience.

Failures call for apologies and apologies call for forgiveness.

[michele · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this book. What great tips for navigating the addition of in-laws to your family. I do wish it was cast it's net over a large pool as it focused mostly on parent-in-laws (yes, the tools you learn can be applied to other in-law relationships). It would have been nice hearing about how couples navigated brother and sister-in-laws a bit more. And I kind of wish some of the in-law concerns were a bit heavier. That's not to undermine the concerns Gary Chapman discussed, they were all informative and important, I was just hoping for a bit more than what was delivered. I am considering suggesting this book to my own mother though, and I think that alone should speak for my thoughts on the my hope in the helpfulness of this text.

[Lydia Ellis]

Love is kind love is patient :)
You can express desires of how you want the relationship to be and set goals for both of you to try and achieve.

Gentle words help and build relationships. Building relationships takes time and can’t be quickly fixed.

Pray specifically for God to help you build the relationship because we are supposed to honor and respect. With honor and respect we can listen when we don’t agree and try to see issues through their eyes.

When dealing with a conversation about conflict don’t point fingers when you don’t see how they see and perceive the situation

My personal note is I wish there is more on dealing with the last type of in-laws mentioned.

[Mary Lou · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book contains a lot of common sense communication skills that seem, somehow, harder to master with in-laws, who come with a sort of instant intimacy that people have trouble navigating. It's a short book; each chapter puts forth one of Chapman's principles, gives some anecdotes, then recaps. It can easily be read in one evening.

I would also recommend this for parents and their adult children who are single. A lot of the advice has to do with respecting privacy and autonomy, and transitioning from the parent/child relationship into a relationship between two adults.

[Chrisanne]

No background needed. ;)

Chapman offers good advice... and, of course, can't cover every situation. One thing that did bother me is that it seems that there are two sets of advice. One for the parents and one for the children. Nothing wrong with that but it could have been better organized so it was clearly separated (when it needed to be).

[Maricel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Interference with in-laws is really a big deal for couples, that is why I consider this book as actually an A Must Read book especially if you have difficult times dealing with your in-laws..It entails simple steps and guides to build a relationship with them, at the same time a hint for them to ponder too.

[Scott Calder · Rating 3 out of 5]

Format: audiobook
Narrator voice: male, easy to listen to
Actual rating (with decimals): 3.5
Overall review:
This is a great, jumping off point. I’m not sure that this book until everything I wanted. I wish there was a PDF that accompanied it with some quick tips/points. Overall, it was OK. Definitely not one of Gary Chapman‘s finest works.

[Eszter Beáta · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a short and useful book, but some tipp are too general.

Ez egy rövid és hasznos könyvecske, de néhány ötlet túl általános.

[Sineia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bom bem explicado e objetivo, mas o livro "As 5 Linguagens do Amor" é bem melhor

[Bridget Osei-Owusu · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very insightful. I look forward to applying the principles someday

[Eric · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty good

[Lexie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really practical, easy-to-read book!

[Daniela Ilica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Este libro me ayudo muchisimo a corregir algunos problemas que esta a ocasionando en nuestro matrimonio. Me encanto.

[Samantha Du · Rating 5 out of 5]

Easy read and beneficial

[Allison Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is great. Much of the information is something we think we already know, or should know. However, it’s so helpful reading reinforcement from a man who is very well educated in the area. Not only does this book give good advice on navigating in laws but it’s good advice for all close relationships. Worth the read, and frequent reread to renew a better attitude, outlook and reminder of boundaries.

[Bekah · Rating 2 out of 5]

A very quick book. It's pretty practical and a little bit insightful. Although I don't feel he addresses well enough how to work with an already disintegrated relationship. I feel like I'll probably forget what he said exactly in a few days but probably keep the gist of it.
Not amazing, but it was ok. Like a little book of tips, not a full volume to help you solve your problems.

[Deanna]

This book is intended for both sons and daughters-in-law and mothers and fathers-in-law. Rather than being offended at your in-laws actions, try to understand them and see if they are actually just trying to show love in a misguided way. Be grateful for their intentions and show them you understand where they are coming from before asking for change. In cases of abuse, set firm boundaries.

[Tammie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Wish I would have read this book about 14 years ago! Simple, common sense but for some reason it takes us all a while to "get it" I kind of had to figure them all out the hard way. I will definately pick it up and read it again when I am a Mother-In-Law! It will come if very very handy!

[Paula Savioli · Rating 5 out of 5]

It gave me interesting tips on how to behave with people. I haven't used them with a mother-in-law yet, but I will.

[Caralee · Rating 3 out of 5]

informative

[Carolina · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this in Spanish and it's one of those useful books that after reading I send to Chile. It helps you think about your in-laws from a "human" perspective. Highly recommnded!

[Rachel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Most of the ideas in this book are plainly obvious. Some helpful info and good reminders.

[Luciane · Rating 2 out of 5]

Considero como comportamentos básico de como viver em sociedade. Mas uma lembrança para os esquecidos, com muita transcrição bíblica.