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Blindsided: Lifting a Life Above Illness: A Reluctant Memoir
Illness came calling when Richard M. Cohen was twenty-five years old. He was a young television news producer with expectations of a limitless future, and his foreboding that his health was not quite right turned into the harsh reality that something was very wrong when he was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. For thirty years Cohen has done battle with MS, only to be ambushed by two bouts of colon cancer at the end of the millennium. And yet, he has writ-ten a hopeful book about celebrating life and coping with chronic illness.
"Welcome to my world," writes Cohen, "where I carry around dreams, a few diseases, and the determination to live life my way. This book is my daily conversation with myself, a chronicle of the struggles in that exotic place just north of the neck. At the moment, my attitude checks out well. I do believe I'm winning."
Autobiographical at its roots, reportorial, and expansive, Blindsided explores the effects of illness on raising three children and on his relationship with his wife, Meredith Vieira (host of ABC's The View and the syndicated Who Wants To Be A Millionaire). Cohen tackles the nature of denial and resilience, the ins and outs of the struggle for emotional health, and the redemptive effects of a loving family. And while he may not have chosen to live with illness, illness did choose him. Written with grace, humor, and lyrical prose, Blindsided presents a life brimming over with accomplishment and joy in adversity.
"Welcome to my world," writes Cohen, "where I carry around dreams, a few diseases, and the determination to live life my way. This book is my daily conversation with myself, a chronicle of the struggles in that exotic place just north of the neck. At the moment, my attitude checks out well. I do believe I'm winning."
Autobiographical at its roots, reportorial, and expansive, Blindsided explores the effects of illness on raising three children and on his relationship with his wife, Meredith Vieira (host of ABC's The View and the syndicated Who Wants To Be A Millionaire). Cohen tackles the nature of denial and resilience, the ins and outs of the struggle for emotional health, and the redemptive effects of a loving family. And while he may not have chosen to live with illness, illness did choose him. Written with grace, humor, and lyrical prose, Blindsided presents a life brimming over with accomplishment and joy in adversity.
256 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2004
11 people are currently reading
620 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 100 reviews
June 30, 2012
I had avoided reading this book for so long for obvious reasons. I was afraid to. After seeing him speak with Meredith a couple of monthes ago at an MS luncheon, I felt the time had come. I cannot even begin to express how incredible this book was for me. I felt that he was inside my brain, expressing every thought and feeling I too have had over these past 5 years- I will beg my family to read this book, to gain a little more insight into why I am the way I am. I guess these are traits we share and are not unique to myself. I especially identified with the chapter where he spoke about the cognition problems, the chapter about the children and the final chapter about himself and the self-loathing and the anger which I know myself are my daily companions. I want to thank him personally from the bottom of my heart - I totally appreciate his candor and sense of humor and his ability to laugh at himself. I know it is a necessity and sometimes a defense mechanism for myself as well. If you can't laugh, well, I feel sorry for you. God Bless
April 1, 2022
Nothing can prepare you to live days without end with an unpredictable, treacherous disease like MS. Throw in two side heapings of colon cancer and add a young family and you have the subject Richard Cohen writes about. He takes you to the early days of weird vision and stumbley walks; days of career building and finding a companion to marry and make a family. The rage at his troubled body and memory, limits of abities, loss of self to an invisible time bomb make the reader feel the daily coping that such a condition demands. There is a lot of anger and a bit of self pity but no quitting. Tellingly, Mr Cohen declares that he has a great life and is interested in what's around the corner,despite MS or Cancer. Life is worth anything.
March 4, 2011
Angry, painful, bitter, grim, with some resignation, if not acceptance, toward the end, Cohen hates everything about having MS (and later colon cancer), what it’s done to his body, his life, his dreams, his family. This was tough to read, and seemed a bit disorganized, choppy and repetitive at times, but it was clearly his reality. An unflinchingly honest portrait of how life with a chronic, debilitating illness must be. This one did make me grateful for the health I enjoy and so often take for granted.
March 29, 2012
I chose this book because I've watched Merideth Viera on her various TV shows including and since The View, and also read magazine articles about her. Some of them, which her husband, Cohen, mentions in the book portrayed Cohen as a sickly invalid fully dependent on his wife. Looking at the photo on the cover, I felt surely that couldn't be the case, so I wanted to read his side of the story, told in his own words.
If you just look at Cohen piece by piece, perhaps you'd agree with the magazines. He has lived with Multiple Sclerosis since his mid-twenties, which has caused him to be nearly blind, walk with a cane and slow awkward gait (often noted by Cohen as resembling that of a stumbling drunk), and experience bouts of moodiness and depression. Add to that his 2 bouts of colon cancer which left him with many surgical scars and an uncooperative gut, and yes life hasn't dealt him all the good cards when it comes to his health. Look at the whole man, and you learn that the damaged body houses a loving father and husband with a very creative mind who is not yet ready to surrender to his troubles.
Viera and his children also get a fair bit of attention in Cohen's memoir, as they are clearly his reason for living. He admits that he isn't the easiest person to live with, and yes, he is largely dependent on his family, as driving was a luxury lost long ago and tasks requiring fine motor skills, vision, or both are beyond his physical capability, but he sees the bright side to all of it, as Merideth is the perfect compliment to him and his children have been raised to be compassionate and mature young adults.
At the same time, Cohen often wonders what might have been. He was the partner who craved work and loved his time producing television news shows while Merideth would have loved to remain a stay at home mom after the birth of their first child, but his health prompted the role reversal. He also remembers the grand days of his youth with his father, whose MS didn't present strongly until Cohen was in college, and how he has always been a father whose activities with his children have been limited. Cohen recognizes the burden he places on his family, even if they don't see it as such, and discusses friends whose MS advanced to the end stages and how they relieved that burden at a time of their choosing, not ruling out that he might opt for the same if he feels his time has come.
Overall, I found it to be an interesting read though not a particularly gripping page turner. He was a bit maudlin for me, dwelling quite a bit on his limits rather than seeing the possibilities and accomplishments. Granted, all books can't be sunshine and roses, and I can't fault the man for his honesty, just wasn't what I expected.
If you just look at Cohen piece by piece, perhaps you'd agree with the magazines. He has lived with Multiple Sclerosis since his mid-twenties, which has caused him to be nearly blind, walk with a cane and slow awkward gait (often noted by Cohen as resembling that of a stumbling drunk), and experience bouts of moodiness and depression. Add to that his 2 bouts of colon cancer which left him with many surgical scars and an uncooperative gut, and yes life hasn't dealt him all the good cards when it comes to his health. Look at the whole man, and you learn that the damaged body houses a loving father and husband with a very creative mind who is not yet ready to surrender to his troubles.
Viera and his children also get a fair bit of attention in Cohen's memoir, as they are clearly his reason for living. He admits that he isn't the easiest person to live with, and yes, he is largely dependent on his family, as driving was a luxury lost long ago and tasks requiring fine motor skills, vision, or both are beyond his physical capability, but he sees the bright side to all of it, as Merideth is the perfect compliment to him and his children have been raised to be compassionate and mature young adults.
At the same time, Cohen often wonders what might have been. He was the partner who craved work and loved his time producing television news shows while Merideth would have loved to remain a stay at home mom after the birth of their first child, but his health prompted the role reversal. He also remembers the grand days of his youth with his father, whose MS didn't present strongly until Cohen was in college, and how he has always been a father whose activities with his children have been limited. Cohen recognizes the burden he places on his family, even if they don't see it as such, and discusses friends whose MS advanced to the end stages and how they relieved that burden at a time of their choosing, not ruling out that he might opt for the same if he feels his time has come.
Overall, I found it to be an interesting read though not a particularly gripping page turner. He was a bit maudlin for me, dwelling quite a bit on his limits rather than seeing the possibilities and accomplishments. Granted, all books can't be sunshine and roses, and I can't fault the man for his honesty, just wasn't what I expected.
November 23, 2008
Audiobook...........This was a moving and depressing account of one man's life with Multiple Sclerosis, and how it has challenged him to grow as a person, and the ways the illness has impacted his family. Cohen is eloquent, and tells the tale of his life. He loves life and has been creative and determined in keeping it that way, despite the progressive nature of the illness. It is a heartbreaking story, yet realistic. I would recommend this to anyone who has a family member or loved one coping with a chronic and/or progressive illness.
June 6, 2011
It seems nearly impossible to convey to a "well" person, the physical challenges and isolation of living with chronic or terminal illness. The "patient" is trying to come to grips with not only the constance of deterioration but the indifference, impatience or insincerity of acquaintances who pronounce themselves friends. Richard M. Cohen talks about it all with humor and pathos. He speaks for many who may not be able to articulate this complex issue as eloquently as he does.
Read
December 9, 2010A stirring, if rather self-pitying memoir of dealing with illness, mental illness and the things that one can not change. I found it to be useful, but it might be too much for some readers. Take with some caution, but still recommended.
For the complete review, please go here:
http://www.epinions.com/content_13766...
For the complete review, please go here:
http://www.epinions.com/content_13766...
July 10, 2012
I read this shortly after discovering that I too have MS. A beautiful story of courage and pain. It took everything I had to not cry for the pain this man has had to endure, and his constant struggle to stay positive. More than worth reading - this could change the way you think about illness. And, as icing on the cake - the writing is incredible.
October 1, 2022
Richard M. Cohen’s Lifting a Life Above Illness: Blindsided - A Reluctant Memoir spoke to readers who are facing chronic health problems. The writer explained his difficulties with living with multiple sclerosis and cancer among other trials. His health problems led to numerous side effects to which he had to make adjustments.
Coping with these diseases were essential in Cohen’s life. His inability to walk normally, problems with his speech, and multiple cancer operations of his colon were daunting. Despite these problems Cohen had to work, raise a family, and cope with these afflictions. But these difficulties affected his job as a senior producer at CBS, PBS, CNN, and later at Fox.
Cohen’s work often required that he travels. Initially, his health wasn’t as bad. So, he made a number of international trips including Israel, Palestine, Beirut, Poland, and El Salvador. These demands were rather stressful. Cohen also covered some major national political events of presidential candidates as he worked on Walter Cronkite and Dan Rather news programs at CBS.
But Cohen was rather fortunate. He was able to marry his sweetheart Meredith Vieira who was a Today Show host, and they had three beautiful children. After he had problems with his eyesight – since becoming legally blind, it was his wife who had to shoulder most of the responsibilities in their home. Vieira wasn’t only working at 60 Minutes, but she was the caregiver in their new home, and did most of the driving. By this time, Cohen was using a walking stick, and taking the subway to get around.
Under these pressures the author explained how he often lost it. The emotional toll was great on him and his family. His children were young and often treated him condescendingly because of his health problems. Vieira was under pressure at her job at CBS. Eventually, she would resign but was able to find work on the View. Yet, despite all the problems at their work and home, Cohen wrote that he was able to remain optimistic about life. He stressed he was living fully with the hand he had to play.
Coping with these diseases were essential in Cohen’s life. His inability to walk normally, problems with his speech, and multiple cancer operations of his colon were daunting. Despite these problems Cohen had to work, raise a family, and cope with these afflictions. But these difficulties affected his job as a senior producer at CBS, PBS, CNN, and later at Fox.
Cohen’s work often required that he travels. Initially, his health wasn’t as bad. So, he made a number of international trips including Israel, Palestine, Beirut, Poland, and El Salvador. These demands were rather stressful. Cohen also covered some major national political events of presidential candidates as he worked on Walter Cronkite and Dan Rather news programs at CBS.
But Cohen was rather fortunate. He was able to marry his sweetheart Meredith Vieira who was a Today Show host, and they had three beautiful children. After he had problems with his eyesight – since becoming legally blind, it was his wife who had to shoulder most of the responsibilities in their home. Vieira wasn’t only working at 60 Minutes, but she was the caregiver in their new home, and did most of the driving. By this time, Cohen was using a walking stick, and taking the subway to get around.
Under these pressures the author explained how he often lost it. The emotional toll was great on him and his family. His children were young and often treated him condescendingly because of his health problems. Vieira was under pressure at her job at CBS. Eventually, she would resign but was able to find work on the View. Yet, despite all the problems at their work and home, Cohen wrote that he was able to remain optimistic about life. He stressed he was living fully with the hand he had to play.
August 29, 2022
enjoyed - read with a highlighter as there were some incredible lines of strength, perspective, honesty, and suffering. very eye opening about the emotional and evolving process of coping with chronic illness.
December 15, 2012
A Goodreads member named Jessica sums this book up perfectly......
She writes:
At the beginning of this book, Richard M. Cohen warns the reader that he doesn't have all the secrets. Fair enough, I thought, he doesn't have all the secrets for everyone, but certainly he's figured things out in his own life, or he wouldn't be writing a book, right?
Wrong. While I appreciate Cohen's candor in his descriptions of how he has dealt with MS and colon cancer, his book lacks a consistent theme. Is Cohen a stoic? Sometimes, but not others. Does Cohen think it's a good idea to hide illness from children? Yes, until he no longer does. Is illness a gift or a curse? A gift, of course, but one he'd willingly trade for a used car.
Fundamentally, I could have dealt with the vacillating viewpoints, but for one thing: Cohen repeatedly insists that people who live with chronic illness are somehow less than other people. He focuses intently on the image of a diminished person, a diminished life. Not exactly what I expected from a book whose subtitle is "Lifting a Life Above Illness."
She writes:
At the beginning of this book, Richard M. Cohen warns the reader that he doesn't have all the secrets. Fair enough, I thought, he doesn't have all the secrets for everyone, but certainly he's figured things out in his own life, or he wouldn't be writing a book, right?
Wrong. While I appreciate Cohen's candor in his descriptions of how he has dealt with MS and colon cancer, his book lacks a consistent theme. Is Cohen a stoic? Sometimes, but not others. Does Cohen think it's a good idea to hide illness from children? Yes, until he no longer does. Is illness a gift or a curse? A gift, of course, but one he'd willingly trade for a used car.
Fundamentally, I could have dealt with the vacillating viewpoints, but for one thing: Cohen repeatedly insists that people who live with chronic illness are somehow less than other people. He focuses intently on the image of a diminished person, a diminished life. Not exactly what I expected from a book whose subtitle is "Lifting a Life Above Illness."
September 21, 2012
I wanted to like this book - because as a physical therapist, I've worked with so many people with M.S. and because I admire Meredith Viera so much. The first part of the book was interesting, sad and inspiring but then Cohen just kept repeating himself in different ways. By the end of the book, I was screaming at him to just "deal with it!" Dealing with any chronic disease is difficult and dealing with cancer (twice) on top of that made his life even more difficult. But wishing for a "normal" life doesn't make the life you have any easier. I hate to say that when this book finally ended, I was glad.
April 10, 2008
Bittersweet account of Meredith Viera's husband's 30-year struggle with multiple sclerosis. I learned a great deal about the disease and what it's like to cope with a chronic and at times debilitating illness.
May 7, 2014
I enjoyed this book which discusses a formerly virile man who has to adjust his expectations of himself once MS came to rule his life. He talks about the anger he had for having a chronic disease that was intractable. It turns out that MS must be the worse neurological disease out there next to Huntington's because it can mimic any other neurological disease and the disability has a wide range of presentation that can come and go with no rhyme or reason and the course is variable.
Richard Cohen was a man who was diagnosed with MS @ age 25 and who has coped with chronic illness ever since. He says that his illness is a family affair and issue b/c it affects every other member of his family.
He was an oppositional defiant kid who was against anything that had to do with the status quo. As kid involved in politics, he was taught perseverance and resourcefulness that served him well later in his life when battling MS. In an ironic twist of fate Cohen was working on PBS series on disability when his MS symptoms started. Cohen's father diagnosed him with MS b/c he himself had the illness. Cohen tolerance for ambiguity was low so that he was annoyed when he got MS. MS was present to teach him patience and to be comfortable with ambiguity. It disrupted how his life operated and how he conducted business. To him in the 70's a diagnosis condemned him to a life that was doomed b/c there were no treatment. His first coping mechanism was denial not wanting to admit that he was different, that he was like everyone else. For him, denial gave him hope and and cope. "Denail allows any individual with a problem to invent his or her personal reality and to move forward with life in the belief that he or she is in control and can do what needs to be done to keep going."
MS symptoms were unpredictable and not stereotyped so no one knows when the disability would strike and what symptom it would show. Since no one knew what treatment would work for MS, Cohen learned antipathy toward young doctors who would use him as an experiment. The first time that he admitted to himself he had MS, Cohen told Koppel that he had it. With that the conception of self changed from someone who was ok albeit with unspecified illness to have MS disease. The loss of control was unnerving and confidence for the future gone. The certainty of success had cracked b/c it was clear that illness was going to touch everything in his life. Anger was his constant companion. Denial of the diagnosis was evolving into a refusal to accept limitations and the determinations to keep my life on track. I guess the first time I admitted to myself that I had XDP was my mass email to my family members after reading Paula by Isabel Allende.
Cohen's paternal grandmother, Celia, was eccentric for her age. His father kept a stiff upper lip and tried to go on as though nothing was wrong. He would rather keep problems to himself rather than burden other people about it. I am the same way that is the reason why I initially did not want to talk about the XDP. His father told him to be quiet about his affliction.
Cohen went to graduate school and in his final year went blind from MS. Cohen learned that telling people about a debilitating disease means losing the job so he just never told anyone. But for him, it felt like he was telling a lie of his life. Candor and his career were enemies.
In order to be hired by CBS, he needed to fake the fact that he had MS and pretend that he was a healthy man. Bc of his MS, he needed to work harder than his colleagues to reach the same place while his colleagues did things effortlessly. Even though his MS was present, the fact that he was working with the best made him forget about his illness. From Teddy, Cohen learned about strength and determination. He thought that living in the present by going abroad would make up for his worsening illness so he went to Beirut @ the height of the Israel's incursion versus the PLO. He found other people's misfortunes make his own less in comparison such as being in a war zone. He got a high from being a war correspondence that made his MS symptoms disappear because he was doing something useful with his life. He was defined by his work instead of his illness in MS.
He woke up in Beirut one morning and realized that he was alone and lonely. So, he started going out with Meredith Viera b/c they were temperamentally similar. He was upfront with his health problems her so she knew fully what she was getting into but they were so in love that it did not matter any longer. He knew that sickness in a marriage tests the commitment and places enormous stress on the bond. Meredith did not know what she was getting into when they got married and she was chosen to be Cohen's bride. Cohen acknowledge the burden on him in passing a genetic disease to his children but states the way his life turned out more than compensates for his disease.
They went on their separate ways towards success but always came together to celebrate. But whereas Meredith thrived in her career, Richard was losing faith in the news as the source for truthtelling which instead pandered to its audience in an ever rising quest for ratings.
MS is much worse than dystonia b/c one has no way of knowing what they symptom it present there is no fix course of disease like in dystonia. Cohen was certain in his naive faith that he would come out unscathed in this whole process.
In '86, CBS was now run by people who wanted to maximize profits and thus the decline of good fact based journalism in favor of media sensationalism. People who have disease in which they have no control over seek outlets where they have control for Cohen that crusade/outlet is his job as a journalist. His insistence for journalism as the harbinger of truth in society eventually made him a mistake that destroyed the chance of going back to CBS. Having a child, normalized Cohen's life. But the stresses of having a child, brought on blindness again to which Cohen was given steroids which made him gain weight and cause him to have mood swings favoring depression. Cohen was loosing faith in his neurologists for not able to come to grips with his MS. Cohen liked being a father who stays at hime while Meredith flew on assignment for her new position in 60 min. Thankfully, MS does not cause pain just numbness and motor loss.
His denial of MS served as hope to get over the limitations of his debilitating disease. Although Cohen wanted to move the burbs, Mark a friend, told him that living in the burbs would be impossible b/c of his physical limitations and the fact that everything was far apart from each other. Denial to him is the assumption that things will work out when their is no chance that it will. I am guilty of this. Perhaps, the reason why I am so confused by M. Dyn2's emotional response to XDP is that I always assumed that everything will work out or possibly I just kept on doing things that I always did because that is the only way I know how to live. Because his symptoms became readily apparent to all, his defense mechanism of denial was no longer an option.
Meredith was having problems balancing work with family life though she clearly told the producer that family was her #1 priority, the old men's network insisted on separating work and play and thus looked unkindly towards Meredith's motherly role in the office. Meredith quit CBS b/c of her dedication to motherhood overrode any dedication to career advancement.
Finally, he told the children about MS and his candor in private led to a gradual candor in public. After falling a lot, he got a cane so his disease became public knowledge. But, blindness came to be the defining feature of Cohen's MS. He talks about how blindness effects his daily living and how he has learned to use his other senses to compensate from his blindness. With his MS, Cohen learns the value of patience. Meredith talks about Cohen's MS to demystify it. Cohen's MS effects his cognition to the point that simple things are complicated for him.
He was newly diagnosed with colon cancer and b/c of the post-op pain it triggered his MS. But after his surgery, he was diagnosed again with colon cancer with possible liver metastasis. Good thing that he had children and a wife to consider so he had a reason to live. Knowledge takes the place of emotions. He was lucky that the cancer itself was not painful. His ileostomy from intestinal resection provided him with a quality of life issue. Again, he was faced by the lack of control in his life which mortified him.
Complications with his bowels made him feel emasculated b/c he could not control when or where he pooped. He felt out of control and needed perspective so he met a colleague named Larry who was trapped in his own body and considered suicide an option to a life with no movement. After his cancer, he turned inward on himself that perpetuated his deep depression.
A classic male mistake is to confuse silence with strength b/c it is harder to admit weakness than needing help. Cancer and its subsequent complications made him an angry man even in front of his children. With the complications of surgery plus the impotence with his neurologists to control his MS, no wonder he has no faith in doctors and medical science to fix his problems.
He vacillates between anger and denial its polar opposite. The children are the casualties of his unpredictable outburst. As his public falls become more of an issue, his illness changes from a private scene into a public sphere. His children began to ask whether they will get MS like their father. Ben the eldest seems to be the dictator of the family taking responsibility of the family. Gabe the middle child is laid back and has no audience to play too so is free to do what is in his mind. Gabe mentioned to Richard that he was scared of seeing his parent in an invalid state. Richard was angry that his kids had to see him in such an emasculated state.
Self-consciousness self-absorption became the by-product of illness. Apparently, he states that our families are beside us as casualties to our illness. Their kids became optimist drilled into them by their father's illness.
The tabloids portrayed as the martyr while her husband is the invalid hanger-on who compromised Meredith's career. Richard set the record straight by saying that they are happy people who are quirky and reclusive who like to hang out with family. Meredith loved Richard initially b/c the MS disease proceeded in a slow and clumsy manner. There common activity that initially bonded them was their love of running competing within themselves rather than against each other. While Meredith ran toward something, Richard was constantly running away from something. Richard admits that an initial relationship built on equality, is destroyed by his illness. Although they prided themselves in having a modern relationship of equals, he was still devastated that Meredith was rising while he was decreasing in stature which effected his self-esteem. Except for the fact that he has a family to be responsible for, he would have given up a long time ago rather than being a burden to them. Meredith became the rock in their family both financially and emotionally.
According to Richard, heat is the enemy of MS. His pain in his staggering walk was more emotional than physical but his inability to take care of himself morphed into a type of self-loathing. He needs to make peace with his limitations that the disease created for him which is also an endless search for self-esteem. He states in a culture that celebrate men who have strength and are self-reliant, his needing help seems out of step with this culture. He yearns to be the indestructible father that his kids can look up to. He has not forgiven himself for having a debilitating illness. He seems to be a prisoner of what common culture dictates a man should be.
He now measures his success by the success of his kids instead of his own accomplishments. He wants his children to learn than they are more fortunate than others and become sensitive to the misfortune of others. He learns to accept help from others. Whereas his kids seems to accept him as a person, he does not accept himself a person with a disease. In the end, disease taught him personal growth but he still needs to learn that there are things he cannot be.
Richard Cohen was a man who was diagnosed with MS @ age 25 and who has coped with chronic illness ever since. He says that his illness is a family affair and issue b/c it affects every other member of his family.
He was an oppositional defiant kid who was against anything that had to do with the status quo. As kid involved in politics, he was taught perseverance and resourcefulness that served him well later in his life when battling MS. In an ironic twist of fate Cohen was working on PBS series on disability when his MS symptoms started. Cohen's father diagnosed him with MS b/c he himself had the illness. Cohen tolerance for ambiguity was low so that he was annoyed when he got MS. MS was present to teach him patience and to be comfortable with ambiguity. It disrupted how his life operated and how he conducted business. To him in the 70's a diagnosis condemned him to a life that was doomed b/c there were no treatment. His first coping mechanism was denial not wanting to admit that he was different, that he was like everyone else. For him, denial gave him hope and and cope. "Denail allows any individual with a problem to invent his or her personal reality and to move forward with life in the belief that he or she is in control and can do what needs to be done to keep going."
MS symptoms were unpredictable and not stereotyped so no one knows when the disability would strike and what symptom it would show. Since no one knew what treatment would work for MS, Cohen learned antipathy toward young doctors who would use him as an experiment. The first time that he admitted to himself he had MS, Cohen told Koppel that he had it. With that the conception of self changed from someone who was ok albeit with unspecified illness to have MS disease. The loss of control was unnerving and confidence for the future gone. The certainty of success had cracked b/c it was clear that illness was going to touch everything in his life. Anger was his constant companion. Denial of the diagnosis was evolving into a refusal to accept limitations and the determinations to keep my life on track. I guess the first time I admitted to myself that I had XDP was my mass email to my family members after reading Paula by Isabel Allende.
Cohen's paternal grandmother, Celia, was eccentric for her age. His father kept a stiff upper lip and tried to go on as though nothing was wrong. He would rather keep problems to himself rather than burden other people about it. I am the same way that is the reason why I initially did not want to talk about the XDP. His father told him to be quiet about his affliction.
Cohen went to graduate school and in his final year went blind from MS. Cohen learned that telling people about a debilitating disease means losing the job so he just never told anyone. But for him, it felt like he was telling a lie of his life. Candor and his career were enemies.
In order to be hired by CBS, he needed to fake the fact that he had MS and pretend that he was a healthy man. Bc of his MS, he needed to work harder than his colleagues to reach the same place while his colleagues did things effortlessly. Even though his MS was present, the fact that he was working with the best made him forget about his illness. From Teddy, Cohen learned about strength and determination. He thought that living in the present by going abroad would make up for his worsening illness so he went to Beirut @ the height of the Israel's incursion versus the PLO. He found other people's misfortunes make his own less in comparison such as being in a war zone. He got a high from being a war correspondence that made his MS symptoms disappear because he was doing something useful with his life. He was defined by his work instead of his illness in MS.
He woke up in Beirut one morning and realized that he was alone and lonely. So, he started going out with Meredith Viera b/c they were temperamentally similar. He was upfront with his health problems her so she knew fully what she was getting into but they were so in love that it did not matter any longer. He knew that sickness in a marriage tests the commitment and places enormous stress on the bond. Meredith did not know what she was getting into when they got married and she was chosen to be Cohen's bride. Cohen acknowledge the burden on him in passing a genetic disease to his children but states the way his life turned out more than compensates for his disease.
They went on their separate ways towards success but always came together to celebrate. But whereas Meredith thrived in her career, Richard was losing faith in the news as the source for truthtelling which instead pandered to its audience in an ever rising quest for ratings.
MS is much worse than dystonia b/c one has no way of knowing what they symptom it present there is no fix course of disease like in dystonia. Cohen was certain in his naive faith that he would come out unscathed in this whole process.
In '86, CBS was now run by people who wanted to maximize profits and thus the decline of good fact based journalism in favor of media sensationalism. People who have disease in which they have no control over seek outlets where they have control for Cohen that crusade/outlet is his job as a journalist. His insistence for journalism as the harbinger of truth in society eventually made him a mistake that destroyed the chance of going back to CBS. Having a child, normalized Cohen's life. But the stresses of having a child, brought on blindness again to which Cohen was given steroids which made him gain weight and cause him to have mood swings favoring depression. Cohen was loosing faith in his neurologists for not able to come to grips with his MS. Cohen liked being a father who stays at hime while Meredith flew on assignment for her new position in 60 min. Thankfully, MS does not cause pain just numbness and motor loss.
His denial of MS served as hope to get over the limitations of his debilitating disease. Although Cohen wanted to move the burbs, Mark a friend, told him that living in the burbs would be impossible b/c of his physical limitations and the fact that everything was far apart from each other. Denial to him is the assumption that things will work out when their is no chance that it will. I am guilty of this. Perhaps, the reason why I am so confused by M. Dyn2's emotional response to XDP is that I always assumed that everything will work out or possibly I just kept on doing things that I always did because that is the only way I know how to live. Because his symptoms became readily apparent to all, his defense mechanism of denial was no longer an option.
Meredith was having problems balancing work with family life though she clearly told the producer that family was her #1 priority, the old men's network insisted on separating work and play and thus looked unkindly towards Meredith's motherly role in the office. Meredith quit CBS b/c of her dedication to motherhood overrode any dedication to career advancement.
Finally, he told the children about MS and his candor in private led to a gradual candor in public. After falling a lot, he got a cane so his disease became public knowledge. But, blindness came to be the defining feature of Cohen's MS. He talks about how blindness effects his daily living and how he has learned to use his other senses to compensate from his blindness. With his MS, Cohen learns the value of patience. Meredith talks about Cohen's MS to demystify it. Cohen's MS effects his cognition to the point that simple things are complicated for him.
He was newly diagnosed with colon cancer and b/c of the post-op pain it triggered his MS. But after his surgery, he was diagnosed again with colon cancer with possible liver metastasis. Good thing that he had children and a wife to consider so he had a reason to live. Knowledge takes the place of emotions. He was lucky that the cancer itself was not painful. His ileostomy from intestinal resection provided him with a quality of life issue. Again, he was faced by the lack of control in his life which mortified him.
Complications with his bowels made him feel emasculated b/c he could not control when or where he pooped. He felt out of control and needed perspective so he met a colleague named Larry who was trapped in his own body and considered suicide an option to a life with no movement. After his cancer, he turned inward on himself that perpetuated his deep depression.
A classic male mistake is to confuse silence with strength b/c it is harder to admit weakness than needing help. Cancer and its subsequent complications made him an angry man even in front of his children. With the complications of surgery plus the impotence with his neurologists to control his MS, no wonder he has no faith in doctors and medical science to fix his problems.
He vacillates between anger and denial its polar opposite. The children are the casualties of his unpredictable outburst. As his public falls become more of an issue, his illness changes from a private scene into a public sphere. His children began to ask whether they will get MS like their father. Ben the eldest seems to be the dictator of the family taking responsibility of the family. Gabe the middle child is laid back and has no audience to play too so is free to do what is in his mind. Gabe mentioned to Richard that he was scared of seeing his parent in an invalid state. Richard was angry that his kids had to see him in such an emasculated state.
Self-consciousness self-absorption became the by-product of illness. Apparently, he states that our families are beside us as casualties to our illness. Their kids became optimist drilled into them by their father's illness.
The tabloids portrayed as the martyr while her husband is the invalid hanger-on who compromised Meredith's career. Richard set the record straight by saying that they are happy people who are quirky and reclusive who like to hang out with family. Meredith loved Richard initially b/c the MS disease proceeded in a slow and clumsy manner. There common activity that initially bonded them was their love of running competing within themselves rather than against each other. While Meredith ran toward something, Richard was constantly running away from something. Richard admits that an initial relationship built on equality, is destroyed by his illness. Although they prided themselves in having a modern relationship of equals, he was still devastated that Meredith was rising while he was decreasing in stature which effected his self-esteem. Except for the fact that he has a family to be responsible for, he would have given up a long time ago rather than being a burden to them. Meredith became the rock in their family both financially and emotionally.
According to Richard, heat is the enemy of MS. His pain in his staggering walk was more emotional than physical but his inability to take care of himself morphed into a type of self-loathing. He needs to make peace with his limitations that the disease created for him which is also an endless search for self-esteem. He states in a culture that celebrate men who have strength and are self-reliant, his needing help seems out of step with this culture. He yearns to be the indestructible father that his kids can look up to. He has not forgiven himself for having a debilitating illness. He seems to be a prisoner of what common culture dictates a man should be.
He now measures his success by the success of his kids instead of his own accomplishments. He wants his children to learn than they are more fortunate than others and become sensitive to the misfortune of others. He learns to accept help from others. Whereas his kids seems to accept him as a person, he does not accept himself a person with a disease. In the end, disease taught him personal growth but he still needs to learn that there are things he cannot be.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 28, 2025
This is the third or fourth time I have read this book. Richard Cohen died last month. So I felt a need to reread it. Richard Cohen was a TV news producer and writer when he, at 25 years old, was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. He won three Emmy awards and many other awards for his continuous outstanding work while living with MS. He battled this disease for decades while continuing to work. He also survived two different bouts of colon cancer. Along the way, he married Meredith Vieira and they had three lovely children. The book is unusual because he faced MS, fought it, never tried to hide it, had the usual ups and downs that all of us do but he kept fighting. Eventually he had to use a cane, and the children became his guards, "Daddy, the curb here is higher than usual, or Daddy, we are almost to the end of the escalator." Meredith was his partner and never dropped into sadness about his disease which only became worse over time. This is a story about how he fought to remain a valuable member of society, among the falls, the drops, the problems walking or getting up or down stairs. He wrote this book 25 years before his death and it remains a book of strength, fighting the disease he had, and working to become a valuable member of society. He did that by his news work, writing and producing, traveling around the world to where the news was. And his constant determination to continue to work, to think about the affect of his disability on his wife and children and his marriage strengthens me when I read it. Of course, he had down times and he tells us about the people who share the info about his disability. He became stronger when he met others with medical problems. This book strengthens me every time I read it.
Cohen was an excellent writer and demonstrates it in this book. The book is not light hearted but carries a heavy message. Most of us can manage through whatever we decide to manage. It is a book for those of us who need encouragement to live on, despite our disabilities.
Cohen was an excellent writer and demonstrates it in this book. The book is not light hearted but carries a heavy message. Most of us can manage through whatever we decide to manage. It is a book for those of us who need encouragement to live on, despite our disabilities.
January 21, 2025
When I was watching CBS's Sunday Morning the other week, they remembered Richard Cohen in their weekly memoriam segment. I thought I had read this book, but hadn't and so I picked this up at the library. Written in 2004, this is a brutally honest memoir of facing illness and having hope.
Richard was a rising star in television, and his future looked bright. Then a bit of numbness in his leg and arm gave him a pause. His father was a physician, and had MS, told him that he may have MS. Richard, of course, didn't want to believe him, but deep in his mind, he knew he was right. It was when his one eye went dark, that sent him to the doctor.
Denial is a powerful thing when you have a chronic illness like MS. You can be fine one day and almost believe you are okay, and then yet another symptom shows up. He is brutally honest about his life story: Meeting Meredith Viera, falling in love, and sharing the secret of his illness. She accepted anyway, and they married and had 3 children.
As if MS wasn't enough, after a colposcopy he is found to have colon cancer, and faced it, twice. It diminished the façade that he put out there for the world to see. As with his MS, he is reluctant to share his illness, as being ill is a weakness in the profession he has, opening up to a select few he trusts.
Honestly, we are all just one day away from a serious illness like Richard's and we will have to face them alone. Richard give an honest assessment of his life, and give us lessons that we all hope that we will never have to learn.
Richard was a rising star in television, and his future looked bright. Then a bit of numbness in his leg and arm gave him a pause. His father was a physician, and had MS, told him that he may have MS. Richard, of course, didn't want to believe him, but deep in his mind, he knew he was right. It was when his one eye went dark, that sent him to the doctor.
Denial is a powerful thing when you have a chronic illness like MS. You can be fine one day and almost believe you are okay, and then yet another symptom shows up. He is brutally honest about his life story: Meeting Meredith Viera, falling in love, and sharing the secret of his illness. She accepted anyway, and they married and had 3 children.
As if MS wasn't enough, after a colposcopy he is found to have colon cancer, and faced it, twice. It diminished the façade that he put out there for the world to see. As with his MS, he is reluctant to share his illness, as being ill is a weakness in the profession he has, opening up to a select few he trusts.
Honestly, we are all just one day away from a serious illness like Richard's and we will have to face them alone. Richard give an honest assessment of his life, and give us lessons that we all hope that we will never have to learn.
June 26, 2018
This book reveals some important truths which come with a diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis. Mr. Cohen shares the daily frustrations, the impact on family, and the triumphs which come from learning the balance between pushing yourself and knowing when you must accept your limitations. The unseen struggles can be the most difficult. The following hit home.
"... cognitive problems had become the most threatening, yet the quietest, of MS enemies. Outsiders see the canes and wheelchairs and can know many of the problems, but they cannot really understand the slow, secret pain of a mind that is slowly ceasing to work as it should."
"I seek safe passage across the black holes, the dark and silent pockets of the mind. Where once there was precision of specific words, information or ideas, now there are halting silences. Vacuums. I cannot reach deeply enough into myself to pull them out intact or in time to make my point."
This book touched me. I highly recommend it, whether you are living with MS, Cancer, or another disease, or you have a family member or friend who is, it gives a glimpse into the reality of someone living with an incurable disease.
"... cognitive problems had become the most threatening, yet the quietest, of MS enemies. Outsiders see the canes and wheelchairs and can know many of the problems, but they cannot really understand the slow, secret pain of a mind that is slowly ceasing to work as it should."
"I seek safe passage across the black holes, the dark and silent pockets of the mind. Where once there was precision of specific words, information or ideas, now there are halting silences. Vacuums. I cannot reach deeply enough into myself to pull them out intact or in time to make my point."
This book touched me. I highly recommend it, whether you are living with MS, Cancer, or another disease, or you have a family member or friend who is, it gives a glimpse into the reality of someone living with an incurable disease.
January 13, 2025
I have enjoyed a few memoirs, but none more admirable and inspiring than this one. An incredible determination in spite of MS, partially inherited from his father and grandmother. An attitude and philosophy that we could all use more of, there is always someone worse off than I. Reminiscent of Michael J Fox's book, but I found Richard sharing more of his mental thought process and emotions. Yes there was anger and temper rages, but he never lost sight of the love for his wife and family and given that he just passed on a few weeks ago, I am sure that his family are comforted in the knowledge of his tremendous strength and love. I am full of admiration for Richard Cohen and blessed to have read his book.
February 27, 2018
This book is a revealing look at the impact of multiple sclerosis on one man’s life. As such, it will give insight to those seeking to understand how this disease changes things immeasurably for those living with this ailment. It will not, however, provide insight into how to respond to such an illness in a healthy manner. Cohen openly shares his persistent response of anger, which often bleeds over into the lives of others – especially his family. From this perspective, it is unlikely individuals struggling with MS will find this to be a helpful book.
March 1, 2018
I think he author did a wonderful job presenting a difficult life. He provided magnificent insight on life with chronic illness and an incurable disease. I love the way he blended his family, his career, his love and his dreams into a memoir that would be hard for anyone to write.
The author did a great job of being open and honest without depressing the reader.
The author did a great job of being open and honest without depressing the reader.
September 24, 2019
This is a very honest and unflattering account of a man's struggle with illness. I was mildly disappointed in this due to finding it in a Christian library. The story contains no elements of faith or acknowledgement of a greater being so it is the tragic struggle of man against himself.
August 21, 2021
This was difficult to read, and I imagine more difficult for the author to write. While positive affirmations come out here and there, the book is truly filled with self doubt and anger, and it's impossible for the reader not to imagine themselves in a similar situation.
June 23, 2025
I understand why the author narrated the preface. Not quite sure why Meredith read the chapters that she read and at first I was confused because I thought they were from her perspective (they weren’t). A brutally honest portrayal of LIVING with chronic illness.
May 14, 2019
An interesting insight into chronic illness and how one copes.
July 12, 2021
Very transparent. I appreciate when writers do not sugarcoats the struggles of chronic illness.
October 21, 2021
OK read, knowing he is married to someone else we know.
December 29, 2021
Ok. Not great. Boring at times. Interestng at times. (audio)
Want to read
March 7, 2024Meredith Vieira’s husband
March 31, 2024
This memoir about life with MS is honest, interesting and very well told. Unsentimental but full of love and courage, it inspired me to write my own story. Thank you Richard!
August 15, 2024
3.5 stars. Chronic illness affects the whole family. Chosing to live makes all the difference
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