I Am Not a Cop!: A Novel

by Richard Belzer, Michael Black

IN THIS CAPTIVATING, OFTEN HILARIOUS DEBUT MYSTERY, ONE OF THE GREAT COMEDIANS OF OUR TIME BLENDS FACT WITH FICTION, AS LAW & SVU'S RICHARD BELZER'S OFF-CAMERA PERSONA COMES TO LIFE ON THE PAGE, EMPLOYING INVESTIGATIVE KNOW-HOW AND COMEDIC TIMING IN EQUAL MEASURE TO SOLVE THE MYSTERY SURROUNDING THE DISAPPEARANCE OF A TRUSTED FRIEND. When Richard Belzer meets Rudy Markovich, nyc medical examiner, for dinner in Brighton Beach, he has little reason to expect anything more than a friendly bull session. But in the next twenty-four hours Belzer finds himself in the middle of a vicious street brawl, splashed across the tabloid headlines as an out-of-control celeb, and fearing for the life of his good pal Rudy -- who police assume is sleeping at the bottom of the East River. As Belzer finds himself increasingly required to call upon the resources he taps to portray Detective Munch on nbc, he maintains his sense of humor and carries us along on a rollicking ride through the underworld of New York City. With Rudy kidnapped, or worse, it falls to The Belz to track him down and solve the riddle to the vanishing act. The lives of Detective Munch and Richard Belzer collide and mesh in I Am Not a Cop! as one of America's great comics and TV cops brings all of his talents to bear in book form and provides a triumph of the mystery genre.

Genres: Mystery, Fiction, Humor, Crime, Adult

256 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 10, 2008

About the author

Richard Jay Belzer was an actor, a stand-up comedian, and author. He is best known for his role as Detective John Munch on Homicide: Life on the Street and Law and Order: SVU.

Belzer authored four books, the last two of which were a crime fiction series co-written with Michael Black that featured Belzer as the mystery-solving protagonist. I’m Not a Cop, the first of the two, was published in 2008, followed by the sequel, I’m Not a Psychic, in 2009. Belzer penned UFOs, JFK and Elvis: Conspiracies You Don’t Have to Be Crazy to Believe in 2000, and co-authored How to Be a Standup Comic in 1988 with “Borat” director and writer, Larry Charles, and Catch a Rising Star owner Rick Newman.

Reviews

[Olga Godim · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book. Written by Richard Belzer in collaboration with Michael Black, it is inseparable from Belzer’s persona. Although it is a novel, the protagonist is Belzer himself. A fictional account of a real person is not a new concept. There are novels aplenty about many historical figures, but Belzer’s opus is unique: he portrays himself as a fictional character – with irony and wit.
Just a reminder: Richard Belzer, a TV actor and stand-up comedian, is mostly known for his role of Detective John Munch in Law & Order and the series’ multiple spinoffs. In fact, he made television history as he played that same role for 15 years in 10 different TV shows. Besides acting, he also wrote several other books.
This particular book, his first novel, belongs to the rare fictional genre of comical thriller. Richard’s friend Rudy, a medical examiner for the NYPD and former Russian immigrant, disappeared. A couple days later, Richard receives a letter from Rudy, containing a riddle. The police seem less than enthusiastic to proceed, so Richard decides to take the matter into his own hands. He investigates Rudy’s mystery himself.
As an actor who has played a policeman for 15 years, he knows many New York policemen personally. One of them, Max, a real-life police detective responsible for Rudy’s case, keeps reminding Richard: “You’re not a cop. You just play one on TV. Leave it to the professionals.” Aware that he is not a cop, Richard is still adamant to solve the riddle and find his friend.
As Richard stumbles from one mad escapade to another, the story capers head over heels like a mad TV series, involving a sleazy reporter from a New York tabloid, the Russian mafia, diamond trade, Russian spies, and Chinese martial arts. Disregarding dangers to himself, using everything he knows as a fictional policeman and a real actor – from police procedures to diamond lore – Richard barges ahead in search of his buddy.
Belzer weaves a sophisticated tapestry from its many interconnected threads. As a veteran actor, whenever Richard trips on a kink in the plot line, he moans for the script to learn how the story unravels. As a comedian, he often inserts small comical routines in the midst of his Russian-diamond-mafia conspiracy. And as a writer, Belzer populates his tale with various menacing secondary characters, tangling the plot considerably, before it is resolved in the last chapter.
With self-deprecating humour and real finesse, Belzer paints his imaginary self-portrait: a suave actor, a bumbling comedian, and a home-made hero. The only sour twist in this delightful mix of genres is the writer’s handling of Russian words and names. They are often jarring for a Russian ear. One would think that such a well-known performer and author would make an effort and hire a real-life Russian consultant to check the spellings.
On the whole, it is a small price to pay for the pleasure of reading this unusual novel. The action gallops, the intrepid hero valiantly totters through the labyrinth of intrigue, and the reader enjoys the ride in the best thriller tradition.

[David · Rating 2 out of 5]

When I picked this book up at a yard sale, I thought it might be a fun biography of a terrific actor and comic. I missed two words on the cover: A Novel. After spending the first two chapters wondering why Richard Belzer was chasing the Russian Mafia, I noticed those two words. Okay, so I was wrong. I'll treat it as a novel and see what happens. I kept reading and wondering where the book was going. Before I knew it, I was finished and still was unsure why I had continued reading it all the way to the end. It's an amusing story, but somehow unsatisfying. You never really get a look into Belzer's TV world, you never really get a meaty mystery, and so many plot points were left unanswered. Just one of those books that comes along that, when you get to the end, you wonder what you read it for.

[RICK "SHAQ" GOLDSTEIN · Rating 4 out of 5]

RICK “SHAQ” GOLDSTEIN SAYS: “THE TWILIGHT ZONE OF LAW ENFORCEMENT, WHERE MAKE-BELIEVE & REALITY OVERLAP”
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The author Richard “BELZ” Belzer portrays the infamous TV Detective John Munch on “LAW & ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT” and “HOMICIDE: LIFE ON THE STREET”. In addition “Belz has made TV history by portraying Detective Munch in TEN DIFFERENT television series, including “LAW & ORDER”, “THE WIRE”, and “ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT”. What makes this book such a unique read is the melding of reality and criminal fantasy. The story is told from the point of view of real-life star Belzer. He uses his real name… his real job… his real wife and home… but involves himself in a fictional crime mystery. “Belz”, as he likes to be called, has dinner with his old friend, Russian immigrant, and soon-to-be former medical examiner, Rudy Markovich. Rudy just isn’t his normal self at dinner, and leaves hints as to a problem he won’t fully discuss, as they make plans to meet at Madison Square Garden the following night to see Alexi Zotkin a mutual friend, who happens to be defending his Heavyweight Boxing Championship. After dinner as Belz and Rudy leave the restaurant, Rudy is attacked by two Russian/Ukrainian types, and Belz comes to his rescue, dazzling the reader with his otherworldly martial arts skills. These skills become one of a number of ongoing themes in the story, as Belz spends a lot of time at his friendly “dojo”, where the proprietor’s are like family, and offer sage advice as well as martial art training.

When Belz gets to work the next day it turns out that the “New York Inquirer” a local gossip rag, has his picture in the paper from the little “dust-up” he had with the thugs that attacked Rudy. The reader is then introduced to one of Belzer’s main foils in the story; assistant producer, Vernon Franker. The reader is led to believe that this is not the first time Belz has brought unwanted publicity to the TV show, so Franker assigns someone to shadow Belzer in an attempt to thwart negative publicity for the show. That someone is KALISHA “Kali” CARTER… “SHE’S BEEN WORKING IN PUBLICITY AND IS NOW YOUR OFFICIAL LIAISON TO THE PRESS.” She went to City College and majored in journalism. At first Kali is out of her element as Belz is intent on finding out more about the thugs that attacked his friend… and when Rudy doesn’t show up at the boxing match the next night… and is missing… and then linked to four murders… Belz, despite being warned by the police department to not get involved… because… HE IS NOT A COP… he relentlessly drags Kali deeper and deeper into an unlicensed detective investigation. Kali is shocked at first when Belz illegally “tins” himself in to investigation sites, but then she finds herself playing different roles and persona’s to help solve the case… and she finds she really enjoys it. They could make quite a team in any subsequent sagas. An ongoing humorous “shtick” throughout the story is how so many people recognize Belz as being a famous personality… but never the right one. After the first fight… the cab driver thought he was Steven Seagal… later another driver thought he was James Woods… another character thought he was the guy on CSI… and throughout it all, Belz throws out classic one liners such as: “HER FULL LIPS COMPRESSED INWARD. IT LOOKED LIKE SHE MIGHT HAVE HAD THE SAME PLASTIC SURGEON AS SHARON STONE”… “WEARING A PHONY BADGE CAN OPEN A LOT OF DOORS. YOU JUST HAVE TO MAKE SURE THEY’RE THE KIND THAT DON’T GET LOCKED BEHIND YOU”… “HIS CHEEKS ROSE UPWARD LIKE SOMEONE HAD PUPPET STRINGS ATTACHED TO THEM”… “STILL WEARING HIS ALTERNATE LOSER PLAID SPORTS COAT, THE LAPELS SO BIG A CESSNA COULD HAVE USED THEM FOR A LANDING STRIP”… “THAT GUY PUTIN, JUST IMAGINE WHAT IT WOULD’VE BEEN LIKE IF INSTEAD OF GETTING SHIPPED OFF TO ALCATRAZ, AL CAPONE HAD BEEN ELECTED PRESIDENT.”

This is a very imaginative scenario played out with enough humor and intrigue to keep you happily turning every page.

[Michael crage · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was very surprised how good the book was . Especially considering it was Belzer's first fiction book and his background was as an actor rather than anything vaguely to do with being a fiction writer. Yes he has written a couple of non-fictiion works, but fiction and non-fiction have little to do with each other. He has put himself as the main character in the book, doing something in fiction that he never did in real life. His good friend Rudy has disappeared and he tries to use the skills of his character Detective Munch from Law & Order : SUV's to find him.

[Marssie Mencotti · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh. Actually picked this up to see if he was as intelligent a writer as he was purported to be as an actor. It was slow moving and predictable and not a very entertaining book. His ghost writer Michael Black was possibly having a difficult time putting as much personal hubris as Belzer wanted in the book and that cut out any excitement as it became a "taking taxi's and eating at restaurants" book as anything else.

[Scoats · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really wanted and expected to love this one. I liked this book a lot. Belzer and helper craft a good mystery and there’s a good bit of action. I do have complaints though, 1) not nearly funny as I expected. For somebody Rolling Stone called “the funniest man alive” back in the 1980s, it’s not very funny. 2) Richard isn’t really too modest about his martial arts skills.

It’s very good, but this book had the potential to be great.

[Genevieve · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. Richard Belzer is one of my favorite characters and in this book he is caustic, smart ass, and seeing conspiracies. When Richard's friend goes missing Richard is not getting help from the police and starts looking into it himself.
I love the characters in this book and Richard is so fun and the story line kept me turning the pages. Russians, murder and more. I also enjoyed hearing about being on set.

A really fun good read.

[Dze · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love this restriction detective novel!

Combine one of my favorite tv detectives / stand up comedians and a great conspiracy based mystery and I'm very happy!
I wish Belzer would write another "Belz" novel!

[Sharon · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this book but got a little mixed up between Munch and Belzer. Once I got that straight, I enjoyed the book.

[Holli · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good book, but kind of petered out toward the end and got really cliched. Still a fun read either way.

[Deborah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love Richard Belzer! He is a hoot! His writing reflects this.

[Douglas Reedy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very entertaining book. A real page turner.

[Elizabeth Drane · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mr Belzer writes like he talks. Very amusing. Interesting story. I enjoyed it very much

[Nick Kelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

Richard Belzer has many accomplishments. He is a famous actor, comedian, producer, and author, and his portrayal of Detective John Munch has spanned six network TV shows. He’s a regular on the Howard Stern Show, and is loved by fans all over the globe. Still, there’s one thing you should know.
He is not a cop.
“I Am Not a Cop” (abbreviated from here after as IANAC) is a fictional account written by Belzer as he is dragged into a bizarre investigation following the disappearance of his friend, Rudy Markovich. Rudy is a medical examiner with a long, storied career in New York, and he is coming close to retirement. When he meets with Belzer, something is clearly bugging him, but he refuses to discuss it. Instead, he tells Belzer to meet him at Madison Square Garden the following night, to attend a championship fight between the latest contender, and the Ukranian champion. Rudy’s friend, Alexi.
Rudy gets jumped in an alley as he and Belzer are exiting their dinner, and the non-cop dishes out some martial arts to save his buddy’s hide. Rudy still won’t talk about what’s on his mind, but promises an explanation the following night. Naturally, he doesn’t show for the fight, and Belzer attempts to get some answers from Detective Max Kaminsky of the NYPD. He comes up empty in that effort. Belzer knows the police aren’t going to really pursue Rudy’s disappearance with any dedication, and he decides he had best do a little snooping around.
To complicate things, one of the Associate Producers gets wind of Belzer’s brawl in the alley, and assigns him a personal assistant to keep him out of trouble. Belzer is partnered with the young, sassy and talented Kalisha “Kali” Carter. The studio’s effort backfires, as Kali soon displays an appetite for fact finding as deep as Belzer’s. When Belzer opens an envelope with a puzzle on it, and Rudy’s ticket to the boxing match, he knows he has a trail to follow, and his cop-like instincts might be the only thing that saves his missing friend’s life.
Belzer and Kali soon find themselves navigating a web of Russian mobsters, goons, sleazy private investigators, arrogant cops, super fans, smugglers, and Rudy’s desperate family. Belzer has to juggle the case with his shooting schedule (for the hit TV show he never mentions by name), and his martial arts training (which results in many of the funniest lines in the book). The story winds and twists with all the fever you’d expect from the author of “UFO’s, JFK, and Elvis: Conspiracies Don’t Have to be Crazy to Believe.”
Belzer’s on-stage and on-camera persona is very much on display in this novel. He’s sardonic, sarcastic, and snarky. He has trouble controlling his attitude, even when it kicks him from the frying pan to the fire. He frequently references classic pop culture, including Casablanca, Fibber McGee & Molly, and John Wayne. He also reveals himself to be a big fan of mystery and noir writers like Raymond Chandler, Dashiell Hammet, Oscar Wilde, and, yes, Lenny Bruce. It’s his first foray into outright fiction, and the flare he injects into Det. Munch is very evident from the book’s first pages.
IANAC is humorous and carries a good deal of puzzle solving in its story. Belzer’s account of the Rudy Malkovich disappearance is every bit as ground in reality as Bruce Campbell helping Richard Gere get his groove back in his book, “Make Love: The Bruce Campbell Way.” Still, it’s entertaining, especially if you’re a fan of pop culture, crime noir, and sarcasm. Belzer has a distinct delivery, and it’s heard loud and clear on the pages of “I Am Not a Cop.”

[Karen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Reading this seemed to take forever. I remember it taking longer to read than my usual 3-5 hours and the time was spread over a few weeks -- YES, weeks. I don't know what it was, but I just could not get into it. The mystery was interesting, but I just could not stick with it. The story is written first person with Belzer as the protagonist. He's an actor who plays a cop on TV. When a friend goes missing, presumed dead, Belz sets out to find out what happened. Because he's caused some problems for the show, he's been assigned a personal assistant (babysitter), Kalisha Carter, to make sure he stays out of trouble, shows up on time, etc. She becomes his sidekick. The book is full of droll and sarcastic humor and, as I said, the mystery was good. Overall it just wasn't satisfying and I can't really put my finger on why.

From Mr. Belzer: I envisioned the novel to be a combination of the stuff I’ve enjoyed all my life. A potent mix of Dashiell Hammett with a twist of Oscar Wilde and a dash of Lenny Bruce. Toss in the iconoclasm of Robert Altman, as well as a few other influences like James Dickey, Norman Mailer (who was always fond of putting himself in his “semi-fictions”), and of course, Truman Capote, whose In Cold Blood sent chills down my spine when I read it as a teenager, and you have a partial list of my literary aspirations. Sprinkle in some Belzerian seasoning, and the wry, raucous worlds of make-believe of the new millennium that explores a unique universe and poses the eternal question: what is reality?

And, that could be a reason, too many cooks.??? I definitely got the feeling of the old noir books with Belz as the detective. And, funny, I did picture the action happening in black and white, and I don't think that had to do with black print on white paper. I enjoyed the interplay between Belz and Kalisha. I loved the humor. Just overall, it was hard for me to get into the the way it was written. It wasn't the first person POV, which was fine; I liked seeing things from Belz's eyes. What I couldn't get into, I guess, was the overall style. There was just something that kept the words and paragraphs from flowing together for me. I kept allowing myself to get distracted with other reads.

I finished the book, but can't really say I liked it. I didn't dislike it either. I picked up it and its sequel, I Am Not a Psychic!: A Novel, because I like Richard Belzer. I would suggest to people who want to read the book that they read random pages before deciding. I think if I had done that, I would have left them on the library shelf regardless of the connection to Belzer.

[Kassandra Lea · Rating 3 out of 5]

Richard Belzer was my favorite character on the early seasons of Law & Order SVU. His dry, witty humor and odd way of looking at the world.

This book was gifted to me and has, I'm sad to admit, been in my TBR pile for a while now. I finally picked it up. Silly me originally thought it was some sort of autobiography, then realized it was a work of fiction staring Belzer himself. Maybe that makes it a wee bit of both.

In this novel, Belzer finds that he's tasked with tracking down his suddenly missing ME friend. There's a Russian connection, a mysterious note, and let's not forget, he has to keep showing up on the set. At least he has an assistant, though she's meant to be a babysitter and quickly becomes a partner in crime; I like her.

While I liked the storyline and was able to see it playing out in my head like an episode of SVU, I must say it took me a while to finish because I just didn't find it thrilling. Still, I'm glad I read it.

[Paul Pessolano · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you are looking for a different type of detective story, you just may want to pick this one up.

If you watch TV, and I don't, you will know that Richard Belzer plays a detective by the name of John Munch, Munch has appeared on "Law and Order: Special Victims Unit", the "X-Files", "Arrested Development", and "Homicide". He must be pretty good because he spent seven seasons on "Homicide" and nine seasons on "Law and Order".

This book is unique in that Belzer writes about himself. Belzer is trying to solve a crime he has become involved in and, at the same time, is acting in a TV series.

Belzer's friend Rudy is a Medical Examiner for New York and has diagnosed four deaths as heart attacks, when in reality they may have been victims of murder. Rudy disappears and Belzer, while trying to find him, becomes involved with the Russian Mafia operating in New York. The TV series he is working on has assigned a young girl, Kali, to keep an eye on him and she also becomes Belzer's partner in solving the mystery.

Belzer does provided some comedy to the story by taking martial arts lessons and getting sage advice from an old Japanese gentleman by the name of Sammo Lee. He also keeps getting recognized for the wrong TV personality, and he has to keep using the phrase, "I am not a cop!" because people who watch the show take him for a bona fide detective.


A good read that probably will not fool you, although you probably will be surprised at the ending. It does provide the mystery reader with something a little different, and a nice change of pace.

[Patty · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this book, which was somewhat of a surprise. I decided to try it because I like Richard Belzer as Detective John Munch on Law & Order SVU, but loved him in the same role on Homicide: Life on the Streets where the role originated.

So, I figured I would give the book a try, see if he wrote as well as he acted - and surprisingly, he does!

It was a bit of shock to realize that the main character in this book is Richard Belzer, that took a while to get used to but paid off in the end. Because he used his own voice he was able to really give a feeling of familiarity and some great inside looks at the making of a blockbuster TV show. He was careful to not bring other members of the cast into the story, other than by inference, like - yeah, he knows which "she" someone is referring to when they want an autographed photo.

The mystery is built around friendship, one of his close friends disappears, then sends him a mysterious letter with a riddle he feels he has to solve. When he starts running into a few of the less "kind" members of the Russian community (Little Odessa) things start getting interesting.

Kalisha (Kali) is introduced as Belzer's shadow, appointed by the brass of the show to try and keep him out of trouble. Of course, they had no idea that she would jump right in to help out any way she can.

It was a fast, fun read and I'm going to read the next in the series.

[Mark · Rating 2 out of 5]

First thing's first: if you aren't a fan of Richard Belzer as an actor--or if you don't know who he is--then you probably won't like this book. It features a story that is clichéd, often times seeming to be merely a means for Belzer to offer up his (mostly) lame jokes, film references, and political opinions. The characters are mostly undeveloped and one-dimensional, which doesn't help matters. As a reader, there are also times when you must try really hard to suspend belief, such as the numerous scenes featuring Belzer taking down much bigger assailants using his martial arts training. A few points get old pretty quickly, such as the fact that seemingly everybody he meets recognizes him from TV, although often for a different actor.

That was a pretty harsh paragraph. So, is there anything to actually like about the book? Well, if you are a fan of Belzer, don't take things too seriously, and can overlook the subpar writing and editing, this book might be acceptable beach reading. However, there are many alternatives, such as Get Shorty by Elmore Leonard, that are much more worthy of your time.

[Jenn · Rating 3 out of 5]

I bought this book hoping to see Richard Belzer's comedic stage talent translate to text. The book was decently written but ultimately slow and nowhere near as humorous as I had been led to expect.

It is possible that someone older or someone with a more intimate understanding of American pop culture might have a greater appreciation for the humor in this book because the bulk of it consisted of references from way before my time. Belzer in real life is able to carry out jokes that appeal to all generations, so I was a bit disappointed to see it dated in this book.

The story is a fictional mystery that is supposed to read like puzzle pieces coming together one by one. In reality, it reads like the pieces are just being shuffled and somehow it just magically completes itself in the last 5 minutes of the game. The book becomes a little tedious when the reader has figured out certain details to the mystery a good twenty pages before the characters do.

The conspiracy theories are the true gems of this book. It touches upon details of the KGB, the influence of the Russian mafia, and the frightening nature of (traceless) modern spy-warfare. I think it ultimately would have been a better book if he had focused more on developing the mystery than the humor but it was an entertaining read. I applaud Belzer's efforts and hope to see him master text as he has the stage.

[Rhonda · Rating 3 out of 5]

When comic Richard Belzer's friend, New York City assistant medical examiner Rudy Markovich disappears without a trace, the comic actor becomes concerned especially when his pal fails to meet him at MSG for the heavyweight title fight as they planned. The more he learns of the vanishing, the more worried he becomes. Unable to remain idle, Richard decides to investigate even as he keeps reminding himself that "I AM NOT A COP"; only an actor who has seen many TV corpses in NYC and Baltimore..

He understands his experience as a sleuth is based on his role as role as Detective John Munch in Law & Order, but he believes how hard is it for real life to imitate Hollywood. He affirms his belief when Belzer finds a clue that ties four deaths to his case. Meanwhile Belzer's producer worries about his actor getting hurt while on the mean streets of New York so Kalisha Carter is assigned to accompany him as he makes inquiries into the four deaths and their ties to Rudy.

The fun story line rotates action with detective musing as Beltzer investigates the disappearance starting at MSG and continuing on the mean streets of New York. Although Beltzer the literary amateur sleuth is no Munch, fans will appreciate his efforts especially his stand up comic Noir-Lit aside commentary.

[Ellen Dark]

I liked the book. Actor Richard Belzer uses himself as the hero in his book about the Russian mob and the diamond trade. Belzer is friends with the New York City Medical Examiner, a Russian immigre. His friend suddenly announces his resignation and he won't give a reason for doing it. Shortly after arranging to meet Belzer at Madison Square Gardens to watch a boxing match, the medical examiner disappears. All they find is the man's car, some blood and half a ticket to the fight, near the East River.
Richard Belzer decides he needs to investigate his friend's disappearance. Belzer is a practitioner of martial arts and because he drove off some young Ukranian toughs, an assistant producer for CSI: SVU decides he needs a minder. Enter Kalie, a journalism school graduate who takes part in the investigation as well.
The two take us around New York City to find out what has happened to the missing Russian.
The book moves along and is entertaining. Belzer mixes noir fiction with his comedic talent. Sometimes he just doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut. I'm looking forward to reading I Am Not a Psychic.

[Jack · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was not expecting much from this book, at least in the area of a good police crime drama story. Sure, we all love him on L&O:SVU, but he doesn't write that stuff. According to this book, though, NBC might not suffer from asking him to do so.

I was also happy to see the lack of overdoing his personal success as a comedian taking over the story. He uses sarcasm and humor only to enhance particular situations in the otherwise brilliant story concoction. He avoids sticking in any stand-up style routines just to fill pages.

I am not a big fan of crime novels. I like my crime and drama in the TV arena. But this book had me turning pages like there was a shortage of paper (even though I am a fan of saving trees...these are a couple of trees that made an admirable sacrifice.)

There is a second book to follow this up called "I Am Not A Psychic!" I started it, but got interrupted in the first few pages. I will not be able to continue with that one for quite some time, since I have started a zillion other books and activities. But it is definately going on my "to-read" list.

[Dale · Rating 2 out of 5]

Okay, but not great detective fiction

Law & Order: SVU 's Richard Belzer tries his hand at fiction (with some help from mystery writer Michael A. Black) with I Am Not A Cop!: A Novel ,a bit of noir lit that reminds me of Robert B. Parker without all of the psychobabble but with more conspiracy theories and lots more political commentary. Belzer inserts himself as the main character in this interesting but tedious work.

Belzer's acid wit comes to the fore throughout his personal investigation into the disappearance of a Ukranian-born friend. Belzer's multiple police contacts due to the TV show (ride-alongs, police advisers to make the language and procedures more realistic) and a simple assumption that he can figure out how to investigate crime in real life since he's done it so long on TV...

Read more at: http://dwdsreviews.blogspot.com/2011/...

[Taksya · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tre stelle per la storia, un thriller classico con spie, complotti, scazzottate e belle fanciulle.
Una per l'autore che, con il suo personaggio televisivo, rappresenta uno dei miei due poliziotti tipo* dei telefilm americani.
Essendo Richard Belzer il protagonista ed essendo i suoi atteggiamenti molto simili a quelli che contraddistinguono il Detective John Munch in tv, non si fatica a sovrapporre i due, rendendo la dicotomia vita reale / fantasia ancor più difficile da sbrogliare.
La trama è semplice, i colpi di scena abbastanza telefonati, ma lo humor e le citazioni sono godibili e, alla fine, la lettura è veloce e divertente e offre anche una piccola visione del fuori scena della serie tv (Law & Order: Special Victim Unit, per chi non lo sapesse).
Non adatta per chi cerca una biografia o un opera di grande spessore.

* il secondo è Dennis Franz, con il suo Andy Sipowicz, protagonista di NYPD Blue.

[Bismarck Public Library]

This book is a riot, especially if you're a fan of the popular show, Law and Order: SVU. Richard Belzer, who plays Detective Munch on the show, plays himself in the novel. He gets wrapped up in the mysterious disappearance of his friend, despite the constant warnings of his police friend who reminds him that he's not a real cop, and only plays one on tv.

Belzer is also a well-known comedian and his sense of humor shows itself often throughout this novel. He's often told that "he looks familiar" and is named as another actor playing similar roles in other tv series.

CLICK HERE to find "I am Not a Cop!" in Bismarck Public Library's online catalog.

[Stuart · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good read for lovers of wry mysteries. Richard Belzer is one of the cast of Law and Order: SVU, and some time stand-up comic. He brings both of these personas to this book by inserting his real life self into the story. The premise is that one of his friends is missing, perhaps kidnapped, perhaps dead, and the police are proving slow at searching for him. So Richard starts to search, aided by an assistant foisted on him by the TV production company.

It’s a good mystery story, and there is a certain something added to it by the reader’s being able to picture exactly what the detective looks like. The style is like Marlowe, with that wry humor that Detective Munch brings to L&O: SVU added.

[Phillis · Rating 4 out of 5]

For a first effort at writing a mystery, this wasn't bad. I liked the fact Richard Belzer used himself as the main character. The humor was light and and timely. I sort of guessed at the out come of some of the plots involved in Belzer trying to find out what happened to his friend Rusy. Seems Rudy went missing after asking Richard to meet him at a boxing match and didn't show up the next day either. It had Richard worried enough to try and find out what happended to him. Rudy's car was found down by the East River with blood on the driver's seat. Rudy was the city's ME and of Russian decent. This points Belzer in the direction of the Russian mob. Sorta goes downhill from there for Richard. I enjoyed reading it.

[Caleb]

This was a pretty potent reminder of why I don't read much fiction, and hardly ever read mysteries. Belzer calls this a "reality novel," in which the Law and Order: SVU actor plays himself, an actor who plays a cop on TV and gets sucked into solving a real-life mystery.

Belzer's comedy persona and the cop character he plays are rather engaging, and I enjoyed his non-fiction, conspiracy theory book okay, but this is tedious reading; an extremely generic plot made mildly interesting only by Belzer's presence, although all of the attempts at jokes fall super-flat. Maybe it's his delivery that makes him funny, rather than his material?

[Michael Durant · Rating 3 out of 5]

Richard Belzer's debut novel, I Am Not A Cop, is a light, comedic romp through New York City and the Russian mafia. It's also one of those books, like The Fat Man, where the premise alone has to sell you. If you don't like the premise, then don't bother with it. The premise: Richard Belzer, best known for playing Det. John Munch on Homicide: Life on the Street and Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, finds himself investigating the mysterious disappearance of a friend by drawing on twenty years of playing a cop on TV.

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