Raising a Thinking Child: Help Your Young Child to Resolve Everyday Conflicts and Get Along with Others

by Myrna B. Shure, Theresa Foy DiGeronimo

All of us like to think for ourselves. And so do children - if they have the skills to do it. That's why award-winning psychologist Dr. Myrna Shure decided to create a program to give them those skills. It's called I Can Problem Solve (ICPS) and for twenty-five years it has benefited thousands nationwide. Raising a Thinking Child, a book that will change your family dynamics forever - and help your child develop in ways you never thought possible - brings this positive parenting program directly into your home. Unlike other methods of child rearing, the ICPS approach teaches youngsters as young as four not what to think or do, but how to think - and the results are astounding. Through the program's specially designed and fun-to-do dialogues, games, and activities - easily incorporated into everyday family life - a young child learns how to solve problems and resolve conflicts with friends, teachers, and family; explore alternative solutions and their consequences; and understand the feelings of others. With ICPS, shy children become more assertive and impulsive children are less likely to act out when things don't go their way. Most important the ICPS-competent child is better equipped to avoid early destructive behaviors that later can lead to delinquency, substance abuse, violence, and depression. Helping your child become a thinking, feeling individual and grow up to be a socially adjusted, self-confident adult is what Raising a Thinking Child is all about. Based on years of research and evaluation, clinically proven, and child-tested, it may be the most important gift you can share with your child today...for tomorrow.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Education, Self Help

212 pages, Paperback

First published September 1, 1994

Reviews

[PhilorChelsy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Teaching HOW to think not WHAT
For Child-Child Problems:
what happened
what's the matter
how does _____feel?
How do you feel
what happened when you did that
how did tha tmake you feel
can you think of a difference way to solve this probelmt (so you both won't be anger, he won't hit you, etc)
Is that a good idea or not a good idea?
good idea: go ahead and try that
not good idea: oh, you'll have to think of something different.

For Parent-Child:
Can I talk to you AND to ___ at the SAME time?
Is this GOOD TIME to tlak to me
can you think of a GOOD TIME to talk to me
Is that a GOOD PLACE to, draw, stand, leave food, etc
Can you think of a GOOD PLACE to ___
How do you think I feel when you don't listen, throw food, interrupt me
Can you think of something DIFFERENT to do NOW until (you can paint, I can help, etc)

What MIGHT happen IF...
Do we feel the SAME way about this problem or a DIFFERENT way
How can you tell how someone is feeling?
We see, with our eyes their face
we HEAR them angry, or laugh, etc
We can ASK them
(games with pics and hold something in front of your face and ask them how you feel in happy/mad/sad sounding voice)

Words to role play and play question games:
IS/IS NOT
AND/OR
SOME/ALL
BEFORE/AFTER
NOW/LATER
SAME/DIFFERENT
GOOD TIME/NOT A GOOD TIME
IF/THEN
MIGHT/MAYBE
WHY/BECAUSE
FAIR/NOT FAIR

[Sheri · Rating 3 out of 5]

Despite the "young child" in the title, this book is intended for parents of children aged 4 and (mostly) above. The author shows how presenting children with a vocabulary and asking them questions can allow them to identify problems, consider the feelings/perspectives of those involved, enumerate possible solutions, and solve their problem. The author claims that this process gives kids more confidence and reduces conflict. Since my children are too young to try this on, I can't comment on its effectiveness.

The book gives plenty of guidance for teaching kids the vocabulary and skills needed (though I do wonder if all kids are as eager to participate in the "games" as her made-up children), and I appreciated the many sample dialogues presenting typical ways of dealing with problems vs. using her method.

Her concept was interesting, but the end result is so stilted that I can't help but hope this thought process can be made possible with a more natural dialogue.

[Elliotte Bagg · Rating 3 out of 5]

The general practice taught in this book is to teach children to make decisions for themselves using critical thinking. I read this book because my son is having difficulty with such decision making and it immediately added a valuable tool to my parenting abilities; to get my son to think and make decisions rather than feeling like it was being force fed to him by me, and naturally resisting. This is a great tool that has really helped turn my parenting style around to one that gets him to do all the major work while helping him gain the confidence needed to face the world.

The book itself gets this point across quite quickly, and gives a HUGE amount of exercises to play through with kids. Great for helping with kids, but quickly turns into very dry reading. Great for coming back and referencing when the need arises, but for me, very hard to read all the way through without falling asleep.

[Ken · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a helpful book that reminded me of the reason I wanted children. This book reminded my of the way I thought I would be as a parent. Then it showed me (I'll put my tongue in my cheek here) where I went wrong.

Although I am not a big fan of picking out keywords (I think it has killed at least 2 generations of readers) I do like the games that Myrna Shure has put together to help parents assist their children in problem solving. Everyone loves games of all sorts, and these word games are great no matter what the situation or the location. I have had instant success in getting my child to think through a problem after trying some of these word games. The hidden secret here is to stop doing the thinking for your child and let them come up with solutions on their own. The methods have worked rather well for me so far.

[Tracy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book not only helps parents to train their kids to develop problem-solving skills at an early age, but it is also a book that encourages parents to think how to better interact with their children. Tons of conversation examples and activity materials. It's a book that can be kept at hand and refer to whenever needed.

[Heidi Thorsen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book presents a way to teach kids how to solve their own problems. The main focus is on teaching them some key vocabulary words and getting them used to using them. To reinforce the meanings of the words, and how to use them for problem-solving, the author shares many examples of dialogues and games using the set of words.

I haven't tried it with my own kids in the rigorous way she's laid out in the book, but I've introduced the words more casually. So far, it actually has helped the kids solve their own problems, but the process takes MUCH longer than if I just solve their problems. But the point is to teach them the steps to solving their own problems, so the parent won't have to step in all the time. This system is very much about the long-term process and benefits, not a quick-fix solution.

[Jen · Rating 4 out of 5]

As soon as I started to read this, I recognized that I actually read it long ago, when my firstborn was too young to quite be a "thinking child." This is the 'I Can Problem Solve" book that lays out a pretty simple method for how to use everyday games and conversation to coach children through social and behavioral questions.

My only complaint - I checked this out of the library, and should probably have made a copy of the "cheat sheets" at the back of the book before returning it. It's not exciting reading, but I think the ideas are sound. I found myself less likely to feed the answers and more likely to coach and question my kids while I was reading it.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very informative book. As the mother of a 2 1/2 year old girl, I now see the value of this book. Conflict resolution is a very important concept to teach to a young child, it wards off many tantrums! I like this book and am keeping it on my reference shelf!


ORIGINAL POST: Very interesting so far. I know, I am the #1 condemner of reading parenting books--I can't stand the idea of "parenting by the numbers", I like a more free-style method. But I read the back of this book and wanted to know more. Maybe it will change my ideas!

[Brie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This a a great book to help kids learn how to solve their own problems through learning problem solving language, utilizing games, and fun easy exercises. This is something parents and teachers can implement immediately. I have begun to use this method in my class and my students have begun to solve their own problems and think of different solutions to their problems..how great is that.

[Mindy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book focuses on teaching kids problems solving techniques, with an emphasis on vocabulary. The idea is that teaching kids certain words will help them to reason on their problems (esp. emotional) on their own. Lots of example scripts. Works well with the emotion coach ideas in Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child.

[Kerri · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very practical book with some good parenting strategies for the itty-bitties. It did get a bit redundant...perhaps there is a such thing as too many case-studies? Also it seems like you would have to start the concepts btwn ages 3-7, otherwise you've lost your audience I think.

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

Loved the idea of helping kids consider results, and giving them tools to evaluate their consequences. But honestly, the book dragged on and on with the same formula put to different colors. I skimmed the last half of the book and was glad to put it away.

[Olivia Reid · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really a great book a reference guide to help our kids with critical thinking skills. I love it. It can turn unsure parenting styles into a well-thought out, researched approach to what you are doing and why you are doing it.

[Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Choices and consquences rather than punishment.

[Cws]

649.1 Shu

[Maegan morrow · Rating 4 out of 5]

one of my doctors loaned it to me, and i learned a lot that i will use to help my child with critical thinking and socialization

[Matthew · Rating 3 out of 5]

EXTREMELY Helpful! I keep a copy of one of the Appendices up on my fridge; "can I talk to you and [phone] at the same time?"--BEAUTIFUL!!

[Jon O'Donnell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Trying to put some of this into action

[Kimberly · Rating 3 out of 5]

We tried some of these methods with our son and they have helped us a lot. It's worth the read if you have a child with ADHD or ADD. The methods are useful for all children though.

[Sanfordgrant · Rating 2 out of 5]

Seems like common sense, but then again some people dont have any.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting Read. This was a fast read. It has many examples of how to implement the I Can Problem Solve techniques with children.