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Assholeology: The Science Behind Getting Your Way - and Getting Away with it
Steve Carrell—the Pretend Asshole
Ari Gold—the Hollywood Asshole
Simon Cowell—the Trying-Too-Hard Asshole
Mickey Rourke—the Reformed Asshole
Barney Stintson—the True Asshole
To truly be an asshole is an art form. It requires the perpetrator to be cocky yet quietly confident, snide as well as sincere, sneaky while in your face. Better men than most have failed miserably. That's why there's this guide—the first book to walk you through the tricks of the trade and the numerous benefits the attitude reaps.
You will find essential information on how to sharpen your prick skills. Whether you're way too over-the-top and need to tone it down, or are a shy wallflower who needs to turn it up, this book is your crash course in assholeology. You will now be able to get everything you ever wanted—in work, love, and life—by being an asshole.
It's every guy's handbook on how to be an asshole, without getting a black eye.
Ari Gold—the Hollywood Asshole
Simon Cowell—the Trying-Too-Hard Asshole
Mickey Rourke—the Reformed Asshole
Barney Stintson—the True Asshole
To truly be an asshole is an art form. It requires the perpetrator to be cocky yet quietly confident, snide as well as sincere, sneaky while in your face. Better men than most have failed miserably. That's why there's this guide—the first book to walk you through the tricks of the trade and the numerous benefits the attitude reaps.
You will find essential information on how to sharpen your prick skills. Whether you're way too over-the-top and need to tone it down, or are a shy wallflower who needs to turn it up, this book is your crash course in assholeology. You will now be able to get everything you ever wanted—in work, love, and life—by being an asshole.
It's every guy's handbook on how to be an asshole, without getting a black eye.
224 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2009
32 people are currently reading
285 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews
January 1, 2012
I picked this up for a few dollars for a quick laugh. Certainly the book failed to deliver in that respect. Essentially, this is a guidebook for low-grade sociopathy, not for an asshole. Every asshole I've dealt with in business has ambition and drive, whereas the individual crafted by this book promises to be a drain on our collective resources for years to come. This book is a must-have text for the meek, the timid, the lazy and the unintelligent.
May 8, 2013
Actual rating: 2.5
Well... this book certainly wasn't as hilarious as I was hoping for... but it wasn't entirely boring either. It is just kind of there...
Though halfway through the book I was starting to wonder how one would be an asshole if they followed these steps because it was all about being nice. I get it... build up the niceness so you can be an asshole and get away with it...but a book about telling you how to be an asshole, one would assume, would tell you how to go about being a proper asshole AFTER being nice to everyone... not just saying "Be nice to everyone" and then never follow up with it.
And at times, this book felt more like a serious help book instead of one that was made to be funny...but who knows, maybe it IS supposed to be taken seriously (in which case, you probably wouldn't be a successful asshole after reading this book because it only tells you how to schmooze everybody and then leaves you hanging about how to actually appropriately act like an asshole instead of a douche bag afterwards.)
It's worth checking out but don't expect a ton of laughs.
Well... this book certainly wasn't as hilarious as I was hoping for... but it wasn't entirely boring either. It is just kind of there...
Though halfway through the book I was starting to wonder how one would be an asshole if they followed these steps because it was all about being nice. I get it... build up the niceness so you can be an asshole and get away with it...but a book about telling you how to be an asshole, one would assume, would tell you how to go about being a proper asshole AFTER being nice to everyone... not just saying "Be nice to everyone" and then never follow up with it.
And at times, this book felt more like a serious help book instead of one that was made to be funny...but who knows, maybe it IS supposed to be taken seriously (in which case, you probably wouldn't be a successful asshole after reading this book because it only tells you how to schmooze everybody and then leaves you hanging about how to actually appropriately act like an asshole instead of a douche bag afterwards.)
It's worth checking out but don't expect a ton of laughs.
April 19, 2013
What a terrible waste of paper. It seems like the author wrote about 3 pages of material, then added whitespace, increased the font size, and repeated sentences until they had 100 pages. Then they put in some mixed drink suggestions at the end for no discernible reason except to increase the page count.
Do not waste your time with this sorry excuse for a book.
Do not waste your time with this sorry excuse for a book.
April 6, 2011
Okay listen up people - you have to read this book! The second I read the description of A**holeology" (The Science Behind Getting Your Way - and Getting Away with it) I was rapt. Who knew that being an A**hole could be so much fun! Steven B. Green, Dennis LaValle, and Chris Illuminati together cleverly master the art of comedic timing.
I opened the book and began to explore important questions such as (What Makes an A**hole?) (Why Be an A**hole?) And, the all-important question do I (Have what it Takes?) As I am a gal and not a guy, these questions did not really pertain to me - or did they? Now I am truly intrigued so I continue on.
After each chapter, you will read a chapter recap that includes some definitions of vocabulary words straight out of the author's dictionary. Let me enlighten you with a few of my favorites from chapter two - Debaucherous (Indulging in every way possible; also see: "having fun") Repartee (A clever retort used when someone hates you) Natural selection (The process in which the weak are picked off and the strong survive)
In chapter seven you will be educated as to how an A**hole should engage with others at such events as weddings, family gatherings, and funerals - yes I said funerals. It is imperative that you read this chapter slowly (give yourself time to soak it all in) if you want to be properly trained in "A**holeology." Oh, and there is a FAQs section towards the end (an added bonus) you will not want to miss!
A**holeology was not what I expected. Will you find this book in the self-help section? Um...I don't think so. However, if you have always been somewhat less than assertive, I promise you after reading A**holeology you will find the confidence and empowerment to speak your mind.
Co-author Chris Illuminati, is a frequent contributor to AskMen.com, Asylum.com, The Bachelor Guy.com, and Penthouse. In a recent interview he said, "Writing a book has always been a goal, although I never would have expected my first one to be about this particular subject! It's been a great learning process, however, and an encouraging one." His freelance writing attracted an Adams Media editor who was working with co-authors Steven B. Green and Dennis LaValle. The rest as they say is history.
Steven B. Green is an experienced actor/screenwriter/comedian. He has appeared in musicals and plays off-Broadway, as well as in television shows and commercials.
Dennis LaValle is one of Hollywood's top acting coaches. His credits include numerous Shakespearean productions. He is best known as the goofy cowboy from the pace picante commercials.
In closing I am going to recommend this egotistical, repugnant, enthrallingly hilarious collection of comedic genius to everyone that knows an A**hole, and of course to those who inspire to be an A**hole!
I opened the book and began to explore important questions such as (What Makes an A**hole?) (Why Be an A**hole?) And, the all-important question do I (Have what it Takes?) As I am a gal and not a guy, these questions did not really pertain to me - or did they? Now I am truly intrigued so I continue on.
After each chapter, you will read a chapter recap that includes some definitions of vocabulary words straight out of the author's dictionary. Let me enlighten you with a few of my favorites from chapter two - Debaucherous (Indulging in every way possible; also see: "having fun") Repartee (A clever retort used when someone hates you) Natural selection (The process in which the weak are picked off and the strong survive)
In chapter seven you will be educated as to how an A**hole should engage with others at such events as weddings, family gatherings, and funerals - yes I said funerals. It is imperative that you read this chapter slowly (give yourself time to soak it all in) if you want to be properly trained in "A**holeology." Oh, and there is a FAQs section towards the end (an added bonus) you will not want to miss!
A**holeology was not what I expected. Will you find this book in the self-help section? Um...I don't think so. However, if you have always been somewhat less than assertive, I promise you after reading A**holeology you will find the confidence and empowerment to speak your mind.
Co-author Chris Illuminati, is a frequent contributor to AskMen.com, Asylum.com, The Bachelor Guy.com, and Penthouse. In a recent interview he said, "Writing a book has always been a goal, although I never would have expected my first one to be about this particular subject! It's been a great learning process, however, and an encouraging one." His freelance writing attracted an Adams Media editor who was working with co-authors Steven B. Green and Dennis LaValle. The rest as they say is history.
Steven B. Green is an experienced actor/screenwriter/comedian. He has appeared in musicals and plays off-Broadway, as well as in television shows and commercials.
Dennis LaValle is one of Hollywood's top acting coaches. His credits include numerous Shakespearean productions. He is best known as the goofy cowboy from the pace picante commercials.
In closing I am going to recommend this egotistical, repugnant, enthrallingly hilarious collection of comedic genius to everyone that knows an A**hole, and of course to those who inspire to be an A**hole!
May 14, 2015
Not the greatest read. It tried to be a lecture, when in reality most of it was nonsense. Some of the different types of assholes are entertaining, but I don't see this in anyway actually helping if that's what you were looking for. Wanted to read for entertainment purposes, and I was lectured instead.
April 4, 2012
I've enjoy Chris Illuminati's blog and his entertaining and funny Twitter posts on everything from pop culture to entertainment. I'm really looking forward to reading his book on Assholeolgy. I mean, everybody's got one.
Want to read
December 12, 2009Yeah like I need this book.
June 19, 2014
content: 30% self help, 30% comedy, 25% pickup/dating 15% cocktail making
July 7, 2019
7.5/10 Tough book to review. My friend picked this book up for a $1.99 from the humor section and highly recommended it to me. If you expect this book to be funny, you will be disappointed. If you expect it to be a self help book you will also be disappointed. If you accept it for what it is you will probably have a laugh or two and won’t mind the book at all for some light reading.
To save you from having to read 200+ pages ask yourself “what would Ari Gold from Entourage do?” or “what would Donald Draper from Mad Men do?” In absolutely any situation.
To save you from having to read 200+ pages ask yourself “what would Ari Gold from Entourage do?” or “what would Donald Draper from Mad Men do?” In absolutely any situation.
August 14, 2023
This was a bit of a pallet cleanser in my reading scope; I normally like to read mysteries, thrillers, and romances. It was such a great comedic book that had me smiling the entire time. It's so nice to read a book that doesn't take itself seriously, but acts like it is. The sarcasm was on point. 😂😁
August 24, 2017
Got this book as a gift about 5 years ago. Have read it three times since. Honestly can say it is a book that changes a man's approach to life, and does help him get what he wants. Solid sprinkles of humor, granted some of the references are dated now.
June 2, 2017
There is one in every family, there is one (or two) in every workplace. This book gives you "the rest of the story" on how these cherubs came to be the way they are. Laugh out loud read!
July 1, 2020
My sophomoric sense of humor was satisfied
November 23, 2022
This book as the funniest damn thing IV ever read!!
Come to find out....IM AN ASSHOLE(SURPRISE)
Come to find out....IM AN ASSHOLE(SURPRISE)
July 8, 2025
Kinda ok, kinda not. Kinda has a decent advise, kinda about nothing. Go figure.
July 21, 2025
The funniest and most honest self-help book I've ever read.
April 3, 2010
Buku ini memberikan pelajaran dan info bagaimana cara seorang licik menjalankan kelicikannya untuk mencapai tujuan dan targetnya di dalam suatu perusahaan. Disini juga digambarkan bagaimana mereka berperilaku di dalam suatu acara, kegiatan dan kesempatan tertentu. Buat saya buku ini menghibur dan memberikan inspirasi. Setidaknya kita menjadi tahu bagaimana menjadi seorang yang licik dan tentu saja yang terbaik adalah bagaimana bereaksi terhadap seseorang yang memiliki tipe ini di dalam berbagai kegiatan kita.
Detail review: http://www.financeindonesia.org/showt...
Detail review: http://www.financeindonesia.org/showt...
December 26, 2009
This is the greatest book written about Assholes since...well..ever. Everything you ever wanted to know and didn't really ever want to know about the science behind getting your way and getting away with it. Makes a great gift or doorstop.
March 3, 2010
This book was OK, but not like I thought it would be at all. Definitely better for wimpy guys than kick ass girls.
Oh, and the 8 million pages of drink mixes? Give me a break, what a bunch of stupid filler... oh well.
Oh, and the 8 million pages of drink mixes? Give me a break, what a bunch of stupid filler... oh well.
April 12, 2010
A good read for the common asshole. I'm one myself, so it was more a refresher of how I already am. The books a quick read and gives clear, concise descriptions of what an asshole is and what douchebag is. Get it for a friend, but read it first..Hey, it's what an asshole would do.
August 27, 2011
Very funny. It's basically a guide to becoming an asshole. But it's written in a way that actually makes it sound like it's a life choice worth making. It's equal parts parody and genuinely good advice. It's a quick read, so give it a try. If nothing else, it's funny.
July 7, 2010
This book pretty much confirmed what I already know!!!!
June 11, 2011
Funny and very good read!! enjoyed every page of it and had some helpful things in it!
May 20, 2012
Funny, quick, humorous read. Highly enjoyable. What makes this book truly funny is that in almost every example the book gives reminded me of someone I've came in contact with.
Read
April 20, 2012Some people would say I am already a pro. This book is very tongue-in-cheek, but there is actually very practical, helpful information for people who have confidence issues, like moi.
June 29, 2012
An interesting look into how some men think/act.
October 9, 2012
Actually a fun book to read - not recommended for minors but fun.
December 18, 2012
It was a bit stupid, but a bit interesting at the same time. The drink list appendix and particularly the quotes from TV, movies and books were amusing.
December 11, 2013
Read it a couple years back. Don't remember too much about it except thinking "well, obviously." quite often.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews