Lotta Dann was in trouble - her fun drinking habit had slowly morphed into an obsessive hunger for wine. One bottle a night was never quite enough. When she tried to cut down, she found it nearly impossible to have an alcohol-free day.
Everyone around could see her drinking, but no one realised what a serious problem it was. She was high-functioning, fun-loving Lotta, not some messy, hopeless drunk. Only Lotta knew how sick and twisted her thinking about wine had become.
Desperate and miserable, she was falling deeper and deeper into a boozy hellhole and running out of ideas about what she could do to stop it. What's a girl to do when her beloved wine becomes the enemy?
Here's what Lotta did. She stopped drinking and secretly started a blog that charted the highs and lows of learning to live without alcohol. Mrs D was anonymous, honest and, as Lotta would discover, surrounded by people who would help her on her journey, and whom she could help in return.
Mixed feelings on this one - the writing is earnest but too self-congratulatory for my liking. And then I think that shining a light on any sort of addiction - in whatever way - is wonderful. But these are the struggles of a middle-class housewife with no pressures on her but her own desire to have a drinky. I quit smoking 10 years ago now and I'll never write a book about that.
I decided to write a short prelude to my review of Mrs D is Going Without, because it’s not the kind of book I normally read or review; I thought it might be good to give you a little insight.
I am the daughter of an alcoholic.
While I was between the ages of approx 12 and 34 my dad was pretty much drinking and/or drunk all-the-time. I won’t bore you with all the gory details of growing up in a seriously dysfunctional household, but needless to say it wasn’t healthy, or pleasant, or fun.
I’m an occasional drinker, but there is scientific evidence that suggests children of alcoholics may have a genetic predisposition towards alcoholism; and I guess that is always in the back of my mind. Like an inner voice of sorts, telling me to be responsible, reminding me that I don’t want to end up like my father. That’s actually a sad fact to admit to, but it is a true one. I do not want to be like my dad.
So I guess I was looking for some kind of reassurance that it couldn’t happen to me. Maybe reading Mrs D, would provide me with answers to my questions about my dad’s drinking, or perhaps I would be more understanding of his drinking through reading Mrs. D’s story...
Review
Mrs D is Going Without is nothing but honest... unabashedly so. Lotta Dann (Mrs D) leaves no stone un-turned, no secret unrevealed, as she reflects and expands on her first years of sobriety; originally recorded on her blog (of the same name).
Full of insightful ‘light bulb’ moments, tips and tricks for skipping her 5 o’clock wine – Mrs D had a serious case of clean the house to avoid a drink syndrome – she did whatever it took to avoid booze, and it worked for her.
I love the narrative that strings the blog posts together, and the blog comments that slowly appear to offer support are great to read, to see how her story resonates with people from all works of life, all corners of the globe. But the thing I like the most is Mrs D’s relatability.
Mrs D really is like you or I. She is juggling all the exciting and mundane things that make us all hardworking wives and mothers. Sick kids, moving house, housework, school runs, general day-to-day monotony - you name it, she did it – all while going cold turkey, all without her usual wine o’clock relief that would turn in to an inevitable wow, I drank the whole bottle evening!
I saw similarities between Mrs D and my dad. Hell, I even saw similarities between Mrs D and myself! But there are great differences too, as revealed on page 220. I wrote this down in my notes: ‘I so loved this moment. I read it with a tear in my eye. Because after almost 40 years of being one, my Dad still can't say those words... you are a brave and honest woman Mrs D, and I applaud you for it.’ I won’t give it completely away for those of you who will read Mrs D is Going Without, but I found this to be one of the most defining moments in Mrs D’s journey.
To say I enjoyed this book would be understating the fact. I absolutely loved this memoir. After finishing, I wrote this note: ‘so I've pretty much cried my way through the last chapters of this book (yes, I am a crier in general) but I have been so moved by Lotta and her journey. Cheers (of the non alcoholic variety) to you :)’
Did I get some of the answers I was looking for – well yes, I think I did. I definitely have a better realization about how easy the slide from one evening drink to out of control drinking can be. And while I always have been aware, I now have a better understanding about alcohol being a drug, about how it can consume your every thought, having to base every decision you make on what to drink instead of booze and how to avoid slipping back it to its clutches. Because it is so socially accepted, we hardly notice when it gets out of control.
Mrs D is Going Without, is a must read. And not just for those thinking of giving up the drink. Family, friends, loved ones, children and parents of alcoholics; anyone, anywhere can be affected by alcoholism and I would strongly recommend that you all read this book – if for nothing more than to simply understand that someone who may be struggling with alcohol doesn’t have to be falling down drunk every day. Even the person lying in bed beside you could be silently struggling... and you just don’t realise it. A truly inspiring 5 star read.
This would have to be the most tedious, repetitive, boring book I have ever read. Infact, I couldn't even finish it. I kept pushing myself, but just couldn't finish it.
While I congratulate Mrs D for going without.... this book disturbed me for several reasons.
The most overwhelming reason is that while the author was very focused on narrating her recovery, at times the un-ending, ceaseless blog posts and the never-failing rah-rah-rah's from her readers strikes a disingenuous note.
Never, not once, did Mrs D seem to put a reflective foot wrong in the book. Oh sure, some ah-ha's required tweaking. But the message of un-ending positive feedback does *not* bear any resemblance to the reality facing many addicts / alcoholics. Yes she struggled. But she never back-slides.
She never relapses. Not once. Or if she did, she doesn't share. Again - this bears no resemblance to anyone I've met in 65 years that has struggled to overcome addiction. Talk about "the pink cloud" !
I would have found more value in her book if I got a sense she tried - and failed - and then tried again, and again, and succeeded. But she is ceaselessly telling you how "amazeballs" and high-functioning she is, and how unerringly positive her blog audience is. As Shakespeare said: "Methinks she doth protest too much."
I know this sounds petty. I don't *want* the woman to fail. I'm glad she is sober. But this book left me feeling there was just a bit too much 'sunshine, lollipops and roses'. Frankly, it made me - and maybe others too - feel like I couldn't relate. If it helped you, great. For me, I got irritate near the end and found myself just skimming the last 20% of the book and it's endless thumbs-up, rosy rainbow denouements. Sorry / not sorry.
I have read a slew of drinking/sobriety memoirs over about the past seven months, and I regretfully judge this as one of the weaker ones. Not the weakest, for sure, as I was at least interested enough to finish it. Strengths: some good insights into and candid writing about the difficulties of sobriety beyond just wanting to be able to drink and not being able to. Weaknesses: Not particularly well written. Way too heavy use of the word "amazing" and other similarly hyperbolic words and phrases. And, to be blunt, her story just isn't very interesting (to me, at least). She seems like she's probably a pretty great person, and I am very happy for her that she has found lasting sobriety, but that doesn't make it worth writing about, at least not in book format. I cannot imagine getting more out of this book than you could from just reading her blog, beyond perhaps just a more convenient format for reading.
If you are just reading every sobriety memoir out there, go ahead, this one's quick and easy and not terrible. But I'd strongly recommend Caroline Knapp's 'Drinking: A Love Story' and Kristi Coulter's 'Nothing Good Can Come of This' over this one.
Challenging, raw, heartfelt and honest. 'Mrs D is going without' is an accessible book for anyone wondering if they too might have a bit of a problem (or in order to support a partner going through the same thing). For too long the societal narrative around alcohol has been skewed and these books fill the gap between the perceived notion of the 'falling down drunk' and the highly functioning housewife who begins to depend on the wine glass a little too much. I really appreciated the candour with which Lotta told her story and her bravery with putting her journey out online which led to such a wonderful community cheering her on.
I wanted to like this book and I genuinely wish the author well in her quest for sobriety but I honestly just found it long, boring, self-indulgent and oh my god, so repetitive.
I would have also liked to have seen some decent editing. The book was about 16 chapters longer than it needed to be. It almost feels like she gave up and just started reading her blog, complete with the blog comments. After about the 4th chapter they were pretty much all the same:
“I was drinking too much but it’s not like I was a drunk or anything. So I stopped. Rar!Rar! Go me. I can’t believe I’m sober. Oh dear, I had a feeling. I’ll write a blog about it. Here’s a half dozen comments from my blog. Yay!”
I kind of felt it was a bit disingenuous and I would have liked to have seen some of the raw emotions that the author mentions experiencing actually reflected more in her writing, rather than her trying to be some kind of upbeat cheerleader. Even when she said she felt angry, there was no feeling behind it. For somebody exploring her emotions and reasons for drinking, it’s a very flat retelling.
As someone who has had a complicated relationship with booze this was interesting to read. I would imagine if you were considering giving up alcohol altogether it would be of great comfort. I'm not going to do that, but I did enjoy this overall. Going sober for Lotta Dann was really tough and I admire her. Having just also read 2 books by/about Kingsley Amis-another heavy drinker-the next book I read is definitely not going to be another booze memoir!
This book has made me reconsider my relationship with alcohol. The book gave me mixed feelings. I wanted to like it more but the author was a little too self-congratulatory for my taste but I do applaud her results.
This book takes a very long time to say not much. The author is sincere and I congratulate her on achieving sobriety (she does a lot of this, too), but the book is tedious, introspective and repetitious at best. She seems especially concerned about what other people will think about her not drinking and how it will look to others if she doesn't have a drink in her hand at a party. My experience is she needn't worry; other people are not as concerned about your appearance as you think they are. Save yourself some time and just read a few of her blog posts. Several are reprinted in the book (along with the comments), wrapped up in lengthy commentary about what was going on that day, how good it felt to get responses, and what happened next. And that's pretty much the entire narrative pattern.
An easy read, one I definitely wanted to see through to the end, though I found it difficult to switch off my inner editor. There were so many exclamation marks, unnecessary repetitions, comments left by bloggers that added nothing to the story... and did chapter 23 really have to happen? I'm not a huge fan of the use of words like "amazeballs" either. Despite that, the content was reasonably entertaining, and I can see how it could inspire readers to reconsider the way they view, and use, alcohol. Not me though. I realised a while back that a life without drinking is a life worth living.
I thought this book was great! Although I think she could have left out some of the swearing, it was a nice day to day account of what the struggle can be like. You don’t have to be in jail or lose everything before you realize that the drink/drug can totally change who you are & how you want your life to look like. A day at a time as they say.
This book was upbeat given the content and I enjoyed the writers personality. She did a good job of having you get to know her and she’s putting her entire self out there, which I applaud her for. I did enjoy this read and her story.
It was okay at first, then I got bored fast. I felt like instead of really being helpful it was more like a 'hey look at me and how awesome I am for not drinking!' kind of vibe.
I have to agree with Simon’s review in a lot of ways…..
OK, here’s my take. I’d heard about this book a while back, likely via article in paper or magazine. Lotta is the wife of a well-known TV journo who by her own admission liked drinking wine a little too much.
I found this book at a big second-hand book sale I went to a couple of weeks ago. Thought I’d grab it and have a read. Can now ‘ tick that box ‘ and it’s ready for taking to the next book sale.
All power to Lotta for giving up drinking! The book was an ok read - I’d rate it 2 to 2.5 - nothing especially overly memorable. Dragged on a little towards the end.
I loved this book because it has helped me make the decision to lead a sober life. I can relate to Mrs D and am reassured by her experiences - for example- feeling 4 different seasons in a day, emotional roller coaster. Really helpful and inspiring.
I enjoyed Mrs. D. Her honest, often brutal journey to freedom. She did not go to AA (me either). She, initially, took the battle on solo. Once she discovers blogging, to start with as pretty much a diary for herself, she realizes that there are so many people out there like her; just average Joes/Josephine trying to quit boozing and start living. She has no horror stories, other than that fact that quitting a long term addiction, facing long buried emotions can be pretty brutal. I found the process she shared very helpful like, "ah, now I know what I am feeling is normal, it will pass". She is honest, smart, funny. I am looking forward to reading her next book.
A thought provoking, read written in an honest and open, no bars hold way rather than preaching Mrs D just says it how it is/was for her without making judgements or trying to sway the reader to go sober. Its everyone's personal journey regardless of where your ability to remain in control of your drinking habits sits.
I really wanted to like this. It's a good yarn but could do with a severe edit for style and length. Its origin as a blog shows a bit too much. As an inspirational story, probably pretty good if you need it. Good to have a model for middle class drinking problems I guess.
While I applaud the author's journey to sobriety, this book is just not well-written, and seems to be a rehash of her blog, including blog readers' comments.
Loved listening to this New Zealander telling me about her low-grade alcoholic life. I don't know how else to label it but it is something i and quite a few of my friends connect with.
Binge drinking but still getting everything taken care of. Still conducting business but drinking a bit too much a bit too often.
For myself i caught myself thinking excitedly about having the next Mommy's Little Helper. This is what i called my bourbon i poured into a partially full seltzer water can. Now thats a good disguise haha.
Mrs D is not pretentious and she does not preach. She only tells of her own journey. Oh and I love her NZ accent. Now every time i am whining in my head it sounds like a New Zealander and I realize which part of my persona that is.
Thank you Mrs D for helping me come to terms as to why i hide my Mommys Little Helper <3
I really didn’t like how Lotta talked about how awesome she was. Such a high performing, highly organised individual. Stated not just once but many times. It got quite tedious. Also tedious was the number of times she mentioned “navel gazing”.
BUT. I completely understood the drinking and giving up aspect. THAT was interesting, relevant and the reason I picked up the book. It could probably have been half the word count if you took out all of the descriptions of how wonderfully she organised & juggled her life.
Highest rating for this book because I found everything about it enjoyable. Lotta has the ability to choose the most entertaining ways to express her thoughts, and she is such a good storyteller! Reading this book felt like listening to a fun girlfriend talk. Her advice and experience taught me so much. There was no stigma attached to her tale of drinking because there did not need to be. Alcohol is extremely addictive and some people get addicted. Simple as that. I will look for her books in the future. Thank you Mrs. D!
I have had times in my life (ie my 20s) when I drank way more than I should have on regular basis. But as a 'normie' (apparently the term for people who can finish drinking after one beer or even leave a wine unfinished) as soon as I decided I had enough of hangovers I was able to moderate my drinking without a second thought. This has led to me being a bit judgemental about those who can't moderate. So the beauty of this book for me (alongside the Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley) is that it gave me such insight into addiction and the inner voice that addicts continually battle with.
Lottie Dunn is a middle-aged middle-class housewife who is a bit too fond of drinking wine so gives it up. That's it - the whole story. There's no outrageous drunken exploits, no dramatic relapses or sober discoveries - just a 40yo white lady repeating over and over again that she has stopped drinking and will never drink again.
A lot of this book is just Lotta reading the comments on her blog. It is not fun. Ironically, reading this book was like being stuck talking to a drunk person at a party who just keeps telling you the same story over and over again...
I was looking forward to reading this but only got half way. I was excepting a more thoughtful, introspective book. Instead, the author just skimmed the surface of what is really going on with addiction and barely showed us anything that felt raw and honest. The writing was dull, repetitive and lacking emotional depth. It felt a bit like a high school cheerleading was narrating the book. So much inane cheering and repeated chants and exclamations.
At almost 9 months sober I still like to read ' quit lit ' every now and then, just to revalidate, straighten out and reiterate what is in my mind. Reading Mrs D's quit story could actually be reading mine in similarity so, I found it extremely relatable. If you're thinking of quitting the booze or have quit the booze I highly recommend giving this book a read!!!!! ( sorry, had to get the exclamation marks in 😅