Crossbearer: A Memoir of Faith

by Joe Eszterhas

Joe Eszterhas knew a lot about darkness. Growing up in refugee camps and then in America's back alleys, he used this knowledge, first as a journalist, and then as a wildly successful screenwriter of sexually graphic and violent films like Basic Instinct, Jagged Edge , and Jade .

Then, on a hellishly hot day in 2001, desperately battling to survive throat cancer and his addictions to alcohol and cigarettes, Joe Eszterhas found God. Or God found him. And he came from darkness into light.

Crossbearer is the moving, and sometimes funny, story of a man who turned his back on the wild world he'd immersed himself in for far too long to embrace a new life full of faith, family and love. During his journey, Eszterhas discovers God in the most surprising a family game of baseball, a child's photograph of a cloud, a dying mother's dying roses. Through it all, he remains thoroughly himself―wearing a Rolling Stones T-shirt as he carried the cross down the church aisle―but becomes a better version of himself than he'd been before.

Genres: Memoir, Biography, Nonfiction, Autobiography, Spirituality, Christian

256 pages, Paperback

First published September 2, 2008

About the author

Joe Eszterhas is a Hungarian-American screenwriter, known for films such as Jagged Edge, Music Box, Basic Instinct and Showgirls. Before becoming a screenwriter he was a journalist and has also written non-fiction books and memoirs.

Reviews

[Dawn · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a wonderful book about a man who grew up in Ohio and made his way to Hollywood. I didn't know anything about this man and upon learning he was from the same part of Ohio as I am made me more interested. He was responsible for some raunchy movies and he lived and played hard. He tells his story of how he gave up the Hollywood life and lifestyle to move back to Ohio to raise his family. Once back in Ohio, he was diagnosed with throat cancer. The story is about his newfound faith in God and how that faith has changed his life. Its a very inspirational story about realizing that the most important things in life is your faith and your family. I highly recommend it.

[Scott Rhee · Rating 3 out of 5]

Weird to think that the guy who wrote the screenplays for "Basic Instinct" and "Showgirls" is now a born-again Christian, but it's true. Joe Eszterhas's "Crossbearer" is a very funny and, at times, moving memoir of his life since he rekindled his faith. People who are on the fence, spiritually, may find solace in the book as it reveals a man who struggles with the fear (as many new Christians do) of having to completely change aspects of one's life and what that means. For Eszterhas, it's little things, like dropping the f-bomb every five seconds or listening to the Rolling Stones. (His most humorous anecdote is an encounter with another Christian who claims that rock n' roll, and the Stones in particular, are Satan's minions. Eszterhas' response is hilarious, if a bit un-Christian.) Eszterhas' main point is one I agree with totally: don't try to be perfect because sin is unavoidable and you're going to f**k up eventually. Just love God, try to be a good person, and be sincere about it.

[Juli · Rating 2 out of 5]

Joe Eszterhas wrote the movies Basic Instinct and Showgirls (along with other pretty graphic movies and books). This book is a little hard to critique since it is his personal journey from a life of sex and drugs to finding God. However, I just didn't really connect with it. I think I would've loved for him to talk more about the darkness in him, why it was there and where it came from. I think I would've better connected with some of those things that are universal struggles than with his simple statements about how he was pretty into sex and drugs. It's a powerful story of a changed life but I wish I would've felt more connected to it.

[Robert · Rating 3 out of 5]

Showgirls writer finds God. But not cocaine (anymore). It improves if you read it with Eszterhas in mind as an unreliable narrator: A swelled head that somehow absorbs the Holy Ghost. By the end I developed a begrudging sympathy with the character, which might or might not have anything to do with Eszterhas in the flesh.

[Carol · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was interested in reading this since he is a Cleveland native and raised Catholic. I wanted to see what he had to say about returning to his Catholic faith after finding out he had cancer. He still comes across as self centered and a know-it-all! Just goes to show we are all human...imperfect!

[Tracey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this when it came out. I remember parts of it being so funny, I laughed until I cried.

[Laurel Starkey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gets better as it goes along

Joe Eszterhas has an ego: he’s spent years nourishing it and forcing Hollywood to pay homage to it. Then his life hits rock bottom and he has a moment of clarity sitting on a curb — God loves him. With this as his foundation, he claws his way out of the wreckage of his old life and begins a different path.

Usually testimonials pack a powerful emotional punch. This one doesn’t. It’s sweet and it sneaks up on you. Joe’s feeling his way around and really has no idea how someone who is living in the light behaves. He’s ready to live for God and help him out as a thank-you for rescuing him, but on his own terms. By the end of the boom I’d begun to warm up to him.

I’d recommend this for anyone interested in how the cultures of Hollywood and Christianity intersect (they don’t).

[Dottie Parish · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an incredible memoir! Joe Eszterhas bares his soul writing beautifully about his life. As a movie script writer in Hollywood – writing about violence and sex with no holds barred – he drank and smoked and led a wild life. In 2001 he and his wife moved back to Ohio to escape the drug culture in California for the sake of their children. Two weeks later he was diagnosed with throat cancer. In the agony of illness, surgery, giving up drinking and smoking, and in pain – he found God. He returned to the Catholic Church and became the Crossbearer there. Eszterhas details his return to faith, his eagerness to tell others about God and his thoughts about the Catholic Church, loving it and hating the priest abuse. With wit and honesty he describes his parent’s lives, his children’s interests, and stories about friends. He includes his continuing prayers to God begging for healing, questioning things and wondering how to turn the other cheek, how to trust in God and more. His stories are humorous and clever, raw and open, sad and very touching. He tells some miraculous stories – one about how he found his grandfather’s grave in Hungary. This is a book well worth reading.

[Emily Lanthier · Rating 2 out of 5]

school requirement .. least fav of all the ones i had to read

[Natalie Lancaster · Rating 3 out of 5]

An incredible testimony of one sinner and his experiences with the Savior!!

[Sharon · Rating 5 out of 5]

I heard Mr. Eszterhas reviewed on NPR, talking about this book. His voice came in loud and clear that he thinks there is a paying audience/market for Christian films, or films that dramatize the faith. I also heard the patronizing/disbelieving voice of the interviewer... I was intrigued. Esp. to realize, as Mr. E. described briefly on air, his conversion experience. I also learned that Joe Eszterhas is the scriptwriter for Jagged Edge and other box office hits that are not films that dramatize faith in man or God. (where have I been?) I would be happy to loan this book. It was riveting. He turns to Catholicism but in this memoir also describes looking into another Christian church, being dissatisfied with this and that about Catholicism--mostly perverse priests' behavior. And why he stays with Catholicism. And the pure love and staying power of his second wife and 4 young sons, none of which motivated him to stop thinking, writing or living the life of a thriller. Throat cancer stopped him. He doesn't repeat himself annoyingly, and goes to the end of the book with yet more life revelation about himself that had me on the edge of my seat... actually, he helped me with aspects of living my faith, which, I think would surprise him. Surprised me, I didn't expect 95% of this book. Very life affirming, upbuilding.

[Abe · Rating 5 out of 5]

I won a copy in a giveaway; though that has no bearing on my review. I didn't know much about Joe Eszterhas or really even who he was prior to reading this book. (I remembered hearing about him in connection with movies) I watched his movies long ago, and after reading this book and becoming curious about him, I watched them again. I also started reading other books that he has written.

I thought this was an interesting read. At first it was difficult to understand his background and how he arrived at his current place in life. It wasn't until I read some of his other books that I started understanding more about him and his background. I think that a lot of people judge him incorrectly, without fully understanding him. It seems many have demonized him and labeled him when actually knowing very little about him. It's pretty incredible to read the amazing journey he has traveled, and after reading more of what he has written, I understand what he means when he says, "Life is strange."

I think to fully understand his life and background that you should read "Hollywood Animal" either before or after reading this book. I think it really adds to his story and helps to see his internal motivations. I look forward to reading/watching what he writes in the future.

[Mary Alice · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book extremely entertaining and read it in three days. Joe still is on his journey and I think still has things to learn about his faith (don't we all)regarding dogma, etc. Also, he struggles with reeling in his ego. If he ever ventures on to Goodreads and reads this, this is not an insult.;) I think the ego comes from years of beating down and being beat up by Hollywood, not to mention the childhood he had. I spent some time in Hollywood and I frequently thank God I left. I couldn't take its superficiality. However, Joe's heart seems much bigger than his ego and he humble's himself, alot. He admits to flunking Christian test number 1, 2, 3, 4 etc, etc. etc, etc. It seems by the end of the book his ego has become smaller. He is starting to pass the tests that come his way. You can't help but grow very fond of him, and what a life he has had. There were times I was busting out laughing and then filling up with tears. I wish Joe peace and luck. And that he continues to grow in his faith. If he was my neighbor, I'd look forward to chatting as we passed each other on walks around the neighborhood.

[Mike · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very easy read on one of Hollywood's own, Joe Eszterhas...one of Hollywood's darkest producers, and his surprising re-convert (back to the faith of his childhood) to Catholicism. It is a story peppered with tales from his days of booze and nicotine and how he compares them to now, bathing in the light of God and how his actions today affect his relationships with both his family and Hollywood colleagues.

His story also has glimpses of his past, the story of his family's experiences with WWII and the Occupation with Hungary and how his parents coped with it. His Mother, the religious one, who passed away at 50 after a series of illnesses, and his father, who he distanced himself from, due to his ties with Hitler and the Nazis, and then how the author reconciles himself with that loss.

This is not a how-to book on "reconverting" or even converting as it were but its definitely an insight on how one individual found his way back to the faith of his childhood and family.

[Brian · Rating 3 out of 5]

i am glad Joe Eszterhas found God again. He is a screenwriter with movies like FLASHDANCE, BASIC INSTINCT & SHOWGIRLS under his belt, but discovered God in the midst of a crisis & now spends his time with his family and with his church helping other people to see there's a better way to live, which is great. The book starts off great, but would've been better read as journal entries from this guy rather than chapters. It wasn't cohesive at all, which makes it difficult to follow and his great story is lost in the midst of bad writing.

[Dee Dee · Rating 4 out of 5]

If there was one guy about which you'd say "That guy will NEVER become a Christian" - Joe Eszterhas might very well be that guy. The writer of Basic Instinct, Jagged Edge, American Rhapsody is as surprised as anyone else to find himself a follower of Jesus. This book is a testimony of God's power to reach out and change the life of one man...and to change the life of others through his testimony. Eszterhas is brutally honest about himself, his former life and his continued struggles to get this faith life right. Crossbearer is a good read...

[booklady]

Mary Alice says, "I don't know if you would like this book or not. I found it extrememly entertaining and read it in three days. He still has a long way to go with his faith regarding dogma, etc. Also he still needs to learn to reel in his ego. However, he has a big heart. You can't help but grow very fond of him, and what a life he has had. There were times I was busting out laughing and then filling up with tears. "

Sounds great Mary Alice! Don't know if I'm gonna live long enough to read all the books I want to . . . but it sure is a fun goal to have! ;) Thanks for the tip! ☺

[Janastasia Whydra · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading Crossbearer: A Memoir of Faith by Joe Eszterhas. I always had an "idea" of what the typical church-goer was like and since I was not one of them, I pictured people who were my exact opposites. I'm not saying I can relate to everything Eszterhas has gone through in his life, but he does make his journey of rekindling his relation with Him a relatable story. After reading this book, I am intrigued to read some of his other books simply because Eszterhas seems like a writer who can narrate a good story.

[Julie N · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved, loved, loved this book! It's not that I agree with all of his theological beliefs, but Joe Eszterhas preaches Jesus Christ and HIm crucified, which is more than enough for me to love. Reading about people who love Jesus and acknowledge the cross is wonderful. Have I mentioned that I loved this book? Cause it was awesome. What an incredible testimony.

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

The director of Basic Instinct and Showgirls had what he descibes as a Pauline Road-to-Damascus encounter with God. He moved to Ohio and became a committed Catholic- one who bears the cross in the Sunday Mass and does it wearing selections from his Rolling Stones t-shirt collection. Pretty Interesting.

[Maria · Rating 3 out of 5]

I borrowed this book from my dad's shelf. Joe Eszterhas grew up in Cleveland's Hungarian community at the same time as my dad. It was particularly interesting to read his story and to learn about how his background affected the direction his life took. Eszterhas has changed his life dramatically, and it was enlightening to read about his journey.

[Chris · Rating 2 out of 5]

Really wanted to like this, but the guy just comes across as unbalanced, ego-centric and the theology is not really very deep. There was no cohesive theme building thorugh out, which is odd, being he is a hollywood screen writer. Just a series of vinettes that don't seem to reveal a whole lot of progressive growth or self awareness.

[Will · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow! The beginning was fast-paced and the end was poignant. The middle was harder to read, since Joe is so irreverent. But making it to the end made his irreverence make sense. I love reading about other experiences of believing on Jesus!

[Molly · Rating 1 out of 5]

I couldn't finish this book, even though I desperately tried to so I could write an accurate review. Eszterhas seems to be motivated by his own ego, rather than some kind of inspirational Christian revelation he claims to have had. I would not recommend it.

[Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the most moving and inspiring books I've read in a long time. If anyone is unsure of their faith, this is a must-read. It is a well-written page-turner. Most of all, it shows that anything is possible with God. :)

[Robin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have been following Eszterhaus since he became the first screenwriter to get a million bucks for a spec script...Basic Instinct.(Supposedly written in 10 days.) This book is about his surviving cancer and finding the value in religion. I also recommend his autobiography "Hollywood Animal."

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful memoir of faith. From the "hell" of Hollywood to his faith in Christ, Joe's life has been a life lived to the fullest. He documents his fight with throat cancer and shares about all areas of his life with openness, humor and honesty. Definitely an inspiring read!

[Krista]

Another pretty good book. Not only shows you the change in a man, but his change in perspective as well as the change in peoples around him! If you've had a life changing moment with God, or in general, or are interested in learning about it, read on!

[Jeff · Rating 4 out of 5]

The set-up for this book was irresistable: the guy who wrote Basic Instinct and Showgirls is now a converted Christian? I really like this book and applaud Mr. Eszterhas for his honesty and commitment!

[jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

what a great book!! I was inspired ! I don't what more to say -but that this is my kind of book. a great story of hope and ability in humankind to change and progress!!