Making Peace With Your Father

by David Stoop

In this revised and updated copy of his best-selling book, Dr. David Stoop encourages readers to celebrate the positive influences their dads had on them and to make peace with their fathers for the difficulties and problems they may have caused. "Making Peace with Your Father" offers a comprehensive look at the role of the father, a study of father-absence, and a thorough description of the impact of abusive fathers. Readers will learn the 11-step process that gives hope and healing for relationships with fathers. This is a journey toward healing that all of us must take if we want to be whole whole.

Genres: Relationships, Counselling, Nonfiction, Christian Non Fiction

265 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1992

About the author

David Stoop, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist in California. He received a master's in theology from Fuller Theological Seminary and a doctorate from the University of Southern California.
He is frequently heard as a cohost on the nationally syndicated New Life Live! radio and TV program.
David is the founder and director of the Center for Family Therapy in Newport Beach, California. He is also an adjunct professor at Fuller Seminary and serves on the executive board of the American Association of Christian Counselors.
David is a Gold Medallion-winning author who has written more than thirty books, including Forgiving the Unforgivable, and Rethink How You Think.
He resides with his wife Jan in Newport Beach, California, and has three sons and six grandchildren.

Connect with David on:
DrStoop.com
Facebook
Twitter

Reviews

[Danniel Acosta · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good read for sure!

Very insightful. It will certainly be one of my resources for future counseling ministry! I'm also glad it's an interactive book with a journal through which readers can use to make peace with their father. Good to read from someone who had similar struggles.

[Charlie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am not a big psychology person. He made some really good observations about the effects a father can have on the home. His observations were mostly on absent fathers or abusive fathers. I agreed with and appreciated most of what he had to say. Later on in the book he delved more into psychology and I wasn't as impressed. I reject the underlying theme that someone else can be blamed for a person's wrong behavior, even if they had no father or a terrible one. We are all responsible for our actions and if we didn't have a good role model, then we need to learn what good behaviour is and change. I felt that his remedy for "making peace with your father" were a bit complicated and extensive. Overall, the book was average. I will not use it as a resource.

[Abigail · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. In the beginning, he did well at describing the roles a father plays in the various stages of a child’s life. He also explained the problems that arise when a father is missing or aloof at each stage. The second half I did not enjoy so much. I found it somewhat depressing. Whenever the author expressed that no father is perfect, it came across as “no father is good” and “every father leaves his children scarred.” While this may be the norm in our fallen world, it definitely is not and need not be the case every single time. He also had a tendency to blame all family problems on the father, rather than each individual taking responsibility for his own actions and attitudes. (For instance, when a child has an unhealthy relationship with his mother, it’s always dad’s fault for not being the father he should be. While that is definitely a factor, mom is also responsible for the way she acts and reacts.) the author offered very little advice for current fathers to be a good dad (maybe because he believes that is impossible). Overall, while I’m sure this book would be a valuable resource to someone struggling with his or her past, I did not find it particularly gripping.

[Bo · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really did not enjoy this book. I felt like the author was trying to make people dredge up anything negative they could think of about their father, and use that as the reason why I behave a certain way today. Just because our father wasn't perfect (and no one is a perfect parent), doesn't mean he was a bad father. (The author does state that no father is perfect, but yet, to me, he still came across as wanting us to scrutinize our childhood memories to find all the ways our father failed us. Additionally, for us to analyze our fathers - I had no idea how to answer some of the questions he asked us about our father.

Furthermore, there was a lot more psychology than biblical principles applied. I didn't agree with or care for some of the ways he described children as they progress through their growing up years.

Also, the main Bible version he uses is The Living Bible, and being a paraphrase rather than a Bible version, some of the quotations from there were totally inaccurate, thus skewing what the Bible actually says. e.g. Psalm 139:23-24 states, "Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my thoughts; And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." (KJV) What is actually stated in the book from the Living Bible is, "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test my thoughts. Point out anything in me that makes you sad, and lead me along the path of everlasting life." "Point out anything in me that makes you sad," is nowhere near "see if there be any wicked way in me." In fact, the author states that the verse is referring both to the sins we have committed and the sins others have committed against us. He has both weakened and twisted scripture with the paraphrase and his following interpretation.

However, I will also add that I do recognize that there are people who have been seriously abused by their father, and for those people, I think the book could have some merit. Additionally, towards the end, there is a brief section on forgiveness that I thought was good and helpful.

(The book I read, seems to be the same edition as that pictured, but does have a different cover. It is the "New Life Ministries Special Edition.")