Ideal Marriage Its Physiology and Technique

by Theodoor Hendrik Van de Velde

This classic work, first published in 1928, concentrates on the cultivation of the technique of eroticism as an art in marriage. It sets the sexual relationship in the nostalgic prose of a more leisured age.

Genres: Sexuality, Marriage, Relationships, Nonfiction, Psychology

322 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 1926

About the author

Theodoor Hendrik van de Velde (Feb 12, 1873, Leeuwarden - April 27, 1937 near Locarno in a plane crash) was a Dutch physician and gynæcologist who served as Director at the Gynæcological Institute in Haarlem. His 1926 book Het volkomen huwelijk (The Perfect Marriage) made him an instant international celebrity.

The book advocated knowledge and sensuality in erotic life. In Germany Die vollkommene Ehe reached its 42nd printing in 1932 in spite of the fact that it was placed on the list of forbidden books, Index Librorum Prohibitorum by the Roman Catholic Church. In Protestant and socialist Sweden, Det fulländade äktenskapet was widely known although regarded as pornographic and unsuitable for young readers long into the 1960s.

The English translation, Ideal Marriage: Its Physiology and Technique was the best-known work on its subject for several decades, and was reprinted 46 times in the original edition, selling well over a half-million copies.

He is credited with showing in 1905 that women only ovulate once per menstrual cycle. This contributed to the improvement of calendar-based methods of birth control, and later to the creation of other fertility awareness systems.

Reviews

[Lewis Weinstein · Rating 4 out of 5]

from the INTRODUCTION: "This book will state many things which would otherwise remain unsaid. Therefore it will have many unpleasant results for me. ... But I must write down what I have learned to be true and right. ... There is too much joy untasted which could enhance life's worth. ... I am certain that many men and women, even if they do not dare say so, will breathe their thanks in the privacy of their nuptial chamber."

I found this to be an incredible book, published in 1928 by a Dutch physician who then gave a hugely successful lecture tour throughout Europe, including Germany. I was not aware that this sort of information was available so openly at that time.

The range of topics is extensive. Here is a sampling ... Human Physiology of Sex: smell, sight, touch, taste ... Sexual Physiology of the Adult Woman: clitoris ... Anatomy and Physiology of the Male Sexual Organs: circumcision … Sexual Intercourse-Physiology and Technique: Prelude, Love-play, Communion, After-glow, genital stimulation, the genital kiss ... Sexual Union: stimulation of the male organ, great range of feminine sensation, failure of woman to achieve orgasm ... Sexual Communion: feminine ejaculation, position and action, increase of pleasure, positions converse and averse ... Bodily Hygiene ... the first intercourse ... Contraception: oral contraception-The Pill, male condom, femal cap (diaphram), the safe period ... Mosaic Law, attitude of Protestants & Catholics ... Plates: external genital organs of woman, interior female genitalia, genital organs of man.

Dr. Vandevelde presents throughout his book a compassionate interest in helping married couples achieve sexual satisfaction in marriage. There is a particular emphasis that the husband should, as a civilized person, learn about and be concerned for the sexual pleasure of his wife.

I am planning to have the two main characters in my new novel attend one of Dr. Vandevelde's lectures in Munich in 1930. At the time the German boy, Berthold, is 20 and the Polish girl, Anna, is 18. They are both titillated and embarrassed by what they hear. Each buys a copy of the book, offering the possibility of extended communication by mail after she returns to Warsaw.

[Adrian Colesberry · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have read parts of this book before but basically read the whole thing three nights ago for a project I was doing. (I have the 1965 version and have no idea why it was reprinted in 1980. That seems nuts.) This was the most popular sex manual in the west for several decades. It's the book that Kinsey makes fun of for its inaccuracies in the movie Kinsey. I'd love to have a really old version, because it did change a bit with the times. I don't have a version warning against oral sex for example. Mine allows for it, but in the orgasm section, still advocates for the achievement of simultaneous orgasm, only grudgingly accepting the concept that a woman might be able to help with her fingers. A simultaneous orgasm is all but impossible for the majority of couples.
The orgasm graphs in How to Make Love to Adrian Colesberry are a lampoon of Van de Velde's graphs where he campaigns for simultaneous orgasm.
I do feel like I got a better understanding of why women faking it became so widespread. Obviously, faking is a way to make a guy feel OK about cumming, which has an instrumental convenience in day-to-day life. (I'm not advocating it, I'm just understanding it.) But Van de Velde ups the ante by saying:

So, above all, I would impress on all married men: every considerable erotic stimulation of their wives that does not terminate in orgasm, on the woman's part, represents an injuury , and repeated injuries of this kind lead ot permanent--or very obstinate--damage to both body and soul.

Holy crap?! What woman wouldn't fake it after that? unless she wanted some man to think he was killing her.
The section on female hygiene is also pretty hysterical, cotton swabs soaked in alcohol.

[Mohammed · Rating 5 out of 5]

من أفضل الكُتُب العلمية التي قرأتها ...ناقشت الزواج من زاوية علمية ..بأسلوب مهذب بعيداً عن الأسفاف ..ينبغي لكل مقبل على الزواج من قراءته ...

[Hanady · Rating 4 out of 5]

الكتاب تحفة وارشحه لكل المتزوجين خصوصاً المتزوجين حديثاً ,,كاتب يتناول العلاقات الزوجية بشكل طبى بأسلوب مهذب والمترجم دكتور أيضاً ,, اعتقد بأننا نكاد لانعرف معلومات طبية سليمة عن العلاقات الزوجية تحت مسمى العيب وهذا ينعكس على أسلوب حياتنا وتربيتنا لآبنائنا

[mishall · Rating 1 out of 5]

literally a mysoginistic joke. read it for a few laughs at the futility of idiots of the past.

[Stephen Rowland · Rating 5 out of 5]

This incredible book taught me that women experience profuse motions of the bowels while menstruating. I also learned that the colored races are fond of insertion without ejaculation (namely the Japanese). Celery is a major aphrodisiac, but drinking lemonade will drastically decrease your sexual desire. And if you want to learn about the odors of smegma in men and women, I can't think of a better book to read.

[Derk · Rating 5 out of 5]

Move over Masters and Johnson, an amazingly enlightened book from an amazingly unenlightened era

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book from a footnote in Intimate Matters by D’Emilio and Freedman, and it did not disappoint. I wish I had read this much earlier instead of all those awful American purity-culture era marriage books that had been recommended to me. There are a couple of cringy moments but honestly most has aged really well. Even the cringe I’m unsure about since it doesn’t seem consistent with the overarching “marriage is two people in partnership and sex is a connecting expression of love, not an obligation” message of the book. I teetered on four stars because of those iffy bits, but opted for five simply for the author’s bravery in publishing at all. He puts in the preface that he expects to be shamed and ostracized for being so explicit, yet he published anyway because he felt it was so necessary. Bravo and thank you, Dr. Van de Velde!

[Elizabeth · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ideal Marriage: Its Physiology and Technique (Hardcover)
by Th.H. van de Velde


the Kinsey character in the movie "KINSEY Let's talk about sex " reads from the book. Everything he reads is sexual and reproductive nonsense. typical quotes: "The hand should never be used for the purpose of sexual excitation." and "oral contact , while acceptable as a means if stimulation, is pathological if carried through to orgasm and possibly injurious."

[Mustafa Mohsen · Rating 5 out of 5]

كتاب قيم جدا وفيه معلومات مفيدة للمتزوجين والمقبلين علي الزوج

[Carla Isabel · Rating 3 out of 5]

En mi opinión, un libro muy básico, ideal para principiantes. Con información de investigaciones científicas. Bueno.

[Matthew S. Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

Interesting. Yes it is explicit. It is always a revelation and somewhat hilarious to read a book this old from either 1926 or 1930 Especially page 31 which talks about the validity of seminal odor.

[James Swenson · Rating 1 out of 5]

I picked this from a pile of free books, based on the title "Ideal Marriage." I didn't really focus on the subtitle, so I was pretty surprised when I started reading.

It is interesting, in a way, to read a sex manual from 1926. Turning to a random page (167), one finds the royal physician's advice to the Empress Maria Theresa: "Praeterea censeo, vulvam sacratissimae Majestatis, ante coitum, diutius esse titillandam." Let him hear who hath ears to hear.

Let's try it again (p. 280): "Further aids which can at least have no harmful reactions are hot cushions or pillows applied to the lumbar region. And also medicated (carbonic acid) baths." For these and other similar observations we must all acknowledge a debt of gratitude to the learned author.

[Gabrielle]

I have not actually read this quite yet, but got it from a free box. Being highly interested in human sexuality myself, I thought that a book from thus era would be entertaining at worst. So its been sitting on my shelf with all my other books on sex, waiting patiently. I'm currently reading Bonk by Mary Roach and she mentioned Ideal Marriage, gave some context to the social climate at the time of its publishing and some other interesting snippets on it. I'll read it, with even more an open mind than I would've set out.

[John · Rating 2 out of 5]

Rated: D

[Moosa]

كتاب مميز للمقبلين على الزواج ويختوي على ادق التفاصيل المتعلقه بلعلاقه بين الزوج والزوجه بشكل علمي دقيق وبادق التفاصيل

[Arther Synhalevych · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think it's great!

[Laila]

I want read

[Nadia Dariany · Rating 4 out of 5]

Warning: sense of humour required to finish this.
Had a great time.

[Hany Sameh]

Useful balanced Rare Book !