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Holy Runaways: Rediscovering Faith After Being Burned by Religion
Holy Runaways speaks to people who are feeling ignored, oppressed, or rejected by their religious community and church, offering a path forward built on speaking truth, deep listening, and acting with compassion. In the past decade, church attendance among US adults has decreased by more than 25 percent. Americans report leaving religious communities because of the institutions' hypocrisy and resistance to change or because of trauma they have experienced in those spaces. Instead of safe havens for people of faith, many churches have become sites of harm--places people feel the need to escape at all costs. In Holy Runaways , psychotherapist Matthias Roberts reaches out to those who, like him, want to understand the religion they've run from and erect a new faith on firmer foundations. He concludes that the best blueprint for a new spiritual home requires reimagining ourselves, God, and our very definition of faith. Roberts blends deeply personal stories, new interpretations of familiar Christian parables, and recent scholarship about the dynamics of trauma to offer a way forward--and a warm, helpful companion--for readers on their own journeys. He calls out people who perpetuate systems of violence and oppression and suggests ways we can all contribute to a new system built on love--and a new home we can inhabit together.
266 pages, Hardcover
Published October 3, 2023
40 people are currently reading
609 people want to read
About the author
Matthias Roberts
3 books45 followersMatthias Roberts (he/him) is a psychotherapist specializing in religious and spiritual trauma and the author of Beyond Shame: Creating a Healthy Sex Life on Your Own Terms. He hosts Queerology: A Podcast on Belief and Being and holds two master's degrees from The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology, one in theology and culture, and one in counseling psychology. His work has been featured by O: The Oprah Magazine, Bustle, Woman's Day, Sojourners, The Seattle Times, and many others. He lives in Seattle.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 45 reviews
October 21, 2023
Following his insightful, absorbing, and genuinely helpful first book, “Beyond Shame” (2020), Roberts dives even deeper into the complex pressures of belief, shame, longing, and belonging in “Holy Runaways.”
Offered in poetic filaments evocative of Zen koans and creative nonfiction, “Holy Runaways” is a robust theological memoir disguised as a religious trauma recovery book. And it’s an incisive religious trauma recovery book disguised as a theological memoir. Both And.
It’s hard to decide if Roberts is at his best when he’s warmly and self-effacingly inviting readers into the inconsistencies of navigating a belief system from which one has been essentially kicked out, or, if he’s at his best when distilling and making theories of atonement rooted in Girardian concepts of mimetic desire (legitimately) potable. Both And.
Roberts explains how “understanding our trauma does not mean we have healed from our trauma,” while also providing an invaluable exploration of why it’s so important, and so difficult, to recognize and understand the nature of traumas rooted in faith community experiences. “Holy Runaways” manages to model a process of questioning the nature of one’s belief systems, awakening to one’s complicity in perpetuating harm, and honoring one’s right to be loved unconditionally, all without resorting to empty advice—a task probably only accomplishable by someone who listens to others as carefully and committedly as Roberts does.
A remarkable testament to the value of engaging theological work in close conversation with psychology, and of giving belief and doubt the respect they deserve by wrestling critically, academically, and most importantly, relationally, with what it means to believe, to want to believe, to not believe, and to be able to not have to be sure about belief.
A deeply hopeful, intelligent, and readable reflection on the really big questions and the many infuriatingly intricate ways in which we are encouraged not to look as closely at them as we deserve to.
Offered in poetic filaments evocative of Zen koans and creative nonfiction, “Holy Runaways” is a robust theological memoir disguised as a religious trauma recovery book. And it’s an incisive religious trauma recovery book disguised as a theological memoir. Both And.
It’s hard to decide if Roberts is at his best when he’s warmly and self-effacingly inviting readers into the inconsistencies of navigating a belief system from which one has been essentially kicked out, or, if he’s at his best when distilling and making theories of atonement rooted in Girardian concepts of mimetic desire (legitimately) potable. Both And.
Roberts explains how “understanding our trauma does not mean we have healed from our trauma,” while also providing an invaluable exploration of why it’s so important, and so difficult, to recognize and understand the nature of traumas rooted in faith community experiences. “Holy Runaways” manages to model a process of questioning the nature of one’s belief systems, awakening to one’s complicity in perpetuating harm, and honoring one’s right to be loved unconditionally, all without resorting to empty advice—a task probably only accomplishable by someone who listens to others as carefully and committedly as Roberts does.
A remarkable testament to the value of engaging theological work in close conversation with psychology, and of giving belief and doubt the respect they deserve by wrestling critically, academically, and most importantly, relationally, with what it means to believe, to want to believe, to not believe, and to be able to not have to be sure about belief.
A deeply hopeful, intelligent, and readable reflection on the really big questions and the many infuriatingly intricate ways in which we are encouraged not to look as closely at them as we deserve to.
December 29, 2024
I loved this book! I do not have the same journey as Matthias, but his experiences are very relatable and there are truths he shares about deconstruction that benefit many of us “holy runaways” as we reconstruct our faith.
I appreciated what Matthias had to say about the parable of the seeds. I’d always thought the seed represented the gospel message and that our hearts are similar to good soil, weeds or rocky paths etc. I loved how Matthias flipped the script and said that we represent the seed, and sometimes we need to be uprooted from unhealthy spiritual environments and planted in healthier ones so we can grow and thrive.
Matthias delves into psychology and how our nervous systems can be regulated by shame-based theology when that is all we are used to. Shame ironically feels nurturing. He contrasts guilt and shame and describes our nervous systems, delving into the fight-flight-freeze-fawn responses, window of tolerance, hypoarousal and hyperarousal. I found this psychology lesson both fascinating and incredibly helpful.
Matthias also delves into the theological concepts. He addresses desire and how experiencing desire is part of being made in the image of God. Then he delves into Rene Girard’s mimetic theory, particularly as it is explored by Fr James Alison’s theologically. This had a profound impact on Matthias’s own God-concept. He admits to sometimes doubting that God exists and contrasts this with having faith that God is love and that the direction of this world is also love. I particularly appreciated this quote:
“Faith is believing that getting to a place where we are all safe, welcome, and at peace is possible—despite the continued reality of oppression and injustice. And I’m a believer, even if it feels foolish many days. But it’s not only believing—it’s also doing. Doing our part to create a home for ourselves and the people around us.”
This book is also very personal. It is filled with stories from Matthias’s own life, relationships, his coming out and mixed experiences of affirmation and abandonment, and he shares a lot about grief that stems from feelings of rejection particularly from family members. I love this interweaving of memoir, psychology and theology. I love that Matthias is deep, and raw, and authentic, and that this is contrasted with faith, hope and love, which most of us deconstructionists AKA holy runaways need and long for.
I appreciated what Matthias had to say about the parable of the seeds. I’d always thought the seed represented the gospel message and that our hearts are similar to good soil, weeds or rocky paths etc. I loved how Matthias flipped the script and said that we represent the seed, and sometimes we need to be uprooted from unhealthy spiritual environments and planted in healthier ones so we can grow and thrive.
Matthias delves into psychology and how our nervous systems can be regulated by shame-based theology when that is all we are used to. Shame ironically feels nurturing. He contrasts guilt and shame and describes our nervous systems, delving into the fight-flight-freeze-fawn responses, window of tolerance, hypoarousal and hyperarousal. I found this psychology lesson both fascinating and incredibly helpful.
Matthias also delves into the theological concepts. He addresses desire and how experiencing desire is part of being made in the image of God. Then he delves into Rene Girard’s mimetic theory, particularly as it is explored by Fr James Alison’s theologically. This had a profound impact on Matthias’s own God-concept. He admits to sometimes doubting that God exists and contrasts this with having faith that God is love and that the direction of this world is also love. I particularly appreciated this quote:
“Faith is believing that getting to a place where we are all safe, welcome, and at peace is possible—despite the continued reality of oppression and injustice. And I’m a believer, even if it feels foolish many days. But it’s not only believing—it’s also doing. Doing our part to create a home for ourselves and the people around us.”
This book is also very personal. It is filled with stories from Matthias’s own life, relationships, his coming out and mixed experiences of affirmation and abandonment, and he shares a lot about grief that stems from feelings of rejection particularly from family members. I love this interweaving of memoir, psychology and theology. I love that Matthias is deep, and raw, and authentic, and that this is contrasted with faith, hope and love, which most of us deconstructionists AKA holy runaways need and long for.
March 10, 2024
I really wanted to like this book more than I did, and I think the reason it wasn’t my favorite was the pacing choices. Roberts has such an important message to share, but I feel he gets lost in trying to be too many things at once: philosophical, metaphorical, psychological. I would get lost in a section because of this, and miss what was certainly a profound and important point.
Overall, I really enjoyed the heart of this book, but I wish it was paced out better.
Overall, I really enjoyed the heart of this book, but I wish it was paced out better.
October 17, 2023
I had to take several breaks while reading to spend time processing the thoughts and feels Mathias brought to me; I can relate so much to his story as a peer raised in white western evangelical christianity while also discovering my queerness and running away (well more like quietly evaporating).
The part that stopped me dead for a few days was on page 159/160 talking about the voices of approval; “Those voice from my past have been hard to silence […] I want those authorities from my past to see me, to acknowledge that I’m not abandoning my faith but trying to integrate more into it. If I’m honest, I want more than acknowledgement; I want their blessing for the different path I’m taking […] I know we should be able to give ourselves our own blessings and that boundaries are important. But deep inside, I think we are tired of crafting those blessings for ourselves. I know I am. We still yearn for people from the world we left behind to help set us free […] that doesn’t mean we haven’t set the right boundaries; it means we are human.”
At this point I had been listening to the audio book (read by the author, fan of the podcast so it was like a warm hug of solidarity), but I had to stop and wait for my physical book to arrive simple so I could ruminate on those pages before moving on.
But I kept hitting pause and making notes to return to chapters later, especially when he talks about processing grief, which I still have not done. So much good stuff, I decided I would just have to move on and finish the audio book so I could return it to the library and then start over with the physical book and a writing journal to process the thoughts on a slow-burn reread. To much good stuff to get it all in one read.
Recommend.
The part that stopped me dead for a few days was on page 159/160 talking about the voices of approval; “Those voice from my past have been hard to silence […] I want those authorities from my past to see me, to acknowledge that I’m not abandoning my faith but trying to integrate more into it. If I’m honest, I want more than acknowledgement; I want their blessing for the different path I’m taking […] I know we should be able to give ourselves our own blessings and that boundaries are important. But deep inside, I think we are tired of crafting those blessings for ourselves. I know I am. We still yearn for people from the world we left behind to help set us free […] that doesn’t mean we haven’t set the right boundaries; it means we are human.”
At this point I had been listening to the audio book (read by the author, fan of the podcast so it was like a warm hug of solidarity), but I had to stop and wait for my physical book to arrive simple so I could ruminate on those pages before moving on.
But I kept hitting pause and making notes to return to chapters later, especially when he talks about processing grief, which I still have not done. So much good stuff, I decided I would just have to move on and finish the audio book so I could return it to the library and then start over with the physical book and a writing journal to process the thoughts on a slow-burn reread. To much good stuff to get it all in one read.
Recommend.
October 7, 2023
Compassionate, insightful, exploratory; this book needs to be read and savored again and again
December 17, 2023
Both wise and vulnerable, Matthias Roberts uses a blend of memoir, psychology, and theology to explore how one can still make a faith after spiritual trauma and betrayal.
I listened to this book, but I'm definitely going to read it again in print, probably by purchasing my own copy so I can underline and highlight it. Roberts builds on the research of those he has learned from and studied to unpack the stories behind the stories in religion and presents the information in a clear, helpful way. I was particularly struck by his chapters on the parable of the sower, a parable from Jesus that has always troubled me. The second half gets further into discussions on trauma in a technical way that may put off a reader, but Roberts has a clear plan in place and presents the reader new ways to think of a future moving forward into faith.
If you relate in any way to the title, definitely pick this up.
I listened to this book, but I'm definitely going to read it again in print, probably by purchasing my own copy so I can underline and highlight it. Roberts builds on the research of those he has learned from and studied to unpack the stories behind the stories in religion and presents the information in a clear, helpful way. I was particularly struck by his chapters on the parable of the sower, a parable from Jesus that has always troubled me. The second half gets further into discussions on trauma in a technical way that may put off a reader, but Roberts has a clear plan in place and presents the reader new ways to think of a future moving forward into faith.
If you relate in any way to the title, definitely pick this up.
February 14, 2024
An excellent deconstruction aid that combines memoir, psychology and theology.
I loved this book! I do not have the same journey as Matthias, but his experiences are very relatable and there are truths he shares about deconstruction that benefit many of us “holy runaways” as we reconstruct our faith.
I appreciated what Matthias had to say about the parable of the seeds. I’d always thought the seed represented the gospel message and that our hearts are similar to good soil, weeds or rocky paths etc. I loved how Matthias flipped the script and said that we represent the seed, and sometimes we need to be uprooted from unhealthy spiritual environments and planted in healthier ones so we can grow and thrive.
Matthias delves into psychology and how our nervous systems can be regulated by shame-based theology when that is all we are used to. Shame ironically feels nurturing. He contrasts guilt and shame and describes our nervous systems, delving into the fight-flight-freeze-fawn responses, window of tolerance, hypoarousal and hyperarousal. I found this psychology lesson both fascinating and incredibly helpful.
Matthias also delves into the theological concepts. He addresses desire and how experiencing desire is part of being made in the image of God. Then he delves into Rene Girard’s mimetic theory, particularly as it is explored by Fr James Alison’s theologically. This had a profound impact on Matthias’s own God-concept. He admits to sometimes doubting that God exists and contrasts this with having faith that God is love and that the direction of this world is also love. I particularly appreciated this quote:
“Faith is believing that getting to a place where we are all safe, welcome, and at peace is possible—despite the continued reality of oppression and injustice. And I’m a believer, even if it feels foolish many days. But it’s not only believing—it’s also doing. Doing our part to create a home for ourselves and the people around us.”
This book is also very personal. It is filled with stories from Matthias’s own life, relationships, his coming out and mixed experiences of affirmation and abandonment, and he shares a lot about grief that stems from feelings of rejection particularly from family members. I love this interweaving of memoir, psychology and theology. I love that Matthias is deep, and raw, and authentic, and that this is contrasted with faith, hope and love, which most of us deconstructionists AKA holy runaways need and long for.
I loved this book! I do not have the same journey as Matthias, but his experiences are very relatable and there are truths he shares about deconstruction that benefit many of us “holy runaways” as we reconstruct our faith.
I appreciated what Matthias had to say about the parable of the seeds. I’d always thought the seed represented the gospel message and that our hearts are similar to good soil, weeds or rocky paths etc. I loved how Matthias flipped the script and said that we represent the seed, and sometimes we need to be uprooted from unhealthy spiritual environments and planted in healthier ones so we can grow and thrive.
Matthias delves into psychology and how our nervous systems can be regulated by shame-based theology when that is all we are used to. Shame ironically feels nurturing. He contrasts guilt and shame and describes our nervous systems, delving into the fight-flight-freeze-fawn responses, window of tolerance, hypoarousal and hyperarousal. I found this psychology lesson both fascinating and incredibly helpful.
Matthias also delves into the theological concepts. He addresses desire and how experiencing desire is part of being made in the image of God. Then he delves into Rene Girard’s mimetic theory, particularly as it is explored by Fr James Alison’s theologically. This had a profound impact on Matthias’s own God-concept. He admits to sometimes doubting that God exists and contrasts this with having faith that God is love and that the direction of this world is also love. I particularly appreciated this quote:
“Faith is believing that getting to a place where we are all safe, welcome, and at peace is possible—despite the continued reality of oppression and injustice. And I’m a believer, even if it feels foolish many days. But it’s not only believing—it’s also doing. Doing our part to create a home for ourselves and the people around us.”
This book is also very personal. It is filled with stories from Matthias’s own life, relationships, his coming out and mixed experiences of affirmation and abandonment, and he shares a lot about grief that stems from feelings of rejection particularly from family members. I love this interweaving of memoir, psychology and theology. I love that Matthias is deep, and raw, and authentic, and that this is contrasted with faith, hope and love, which most of us deconstructionists AKA holy runaways need and long for.
May 21, 2024
I rarely review books but I'm pretty sure I've been searching for this book. As a Christian who has been raised in evangelical churches, I've continued to struggle where LGBTQ+ folks fit into the picture. In my heart of hearts, I've always known that they belong in the church just like the rest of us. Having been told otherwise my whole life, it's been an internal struggle, especially watching those who have been hurt by the church. While some of the theology I have to process and understand greater, most of the things said in this book are spot on and exactly how I currently feel. If we aren't loving people, what are we actually doing? This book had me near tears and giggling many times. Mathias is a pretty funny guy. His love for Jesus shines through all the hurt and pain and trauma that he's experienced. And honestly what else should Christians look like? I highly recommend anyone who doesn't understand how lgbtq plus people fit into a church. I highly recommend to those who have been hurt by the church. Really solid read.
October 19, 2023
I appreciated reading Matthias’ story. He has developed his own thoughts regarding Fatih, psychology, God and community. I didn’t read it to critic his thoughts or opinions, I just wanted to hear what his experience was/is within his faith community. It was moving and thoughtful. I have great respect for the wrestling he has done with his own faith even though his faith traditions pushed him out. I think we can (and need to) learn a lot from those who have been marginalized. Their faith stories are so important. Jesus always spoke to the marginalized. I think we can hear his voice in their words.
March 29, 2024
Not what I expected from the description. More of a memoir interspersed with what he has researched through educational study and therapy. There were some interesting tidbits that I'm still thinking through. I listened on audio book while driving and on the treadmill and found my mind wandering a few times instead of him holding my attention.
May 8, 2024
Hearing the author’s personal experience was worthwhile, and he gave me some new thoughts to start pondering on substitutionary atonement (a seemingly orthodox pillar with which I still struggle) and what community love can/should look like. At times it felt like he would begin an interesting thought train, but then not flesh out the point or come to any conclusion. But I’m glad I read it.
October 14, 2023
The author speaks from the heart and overall I found myself resonating with his experiences and insights as shared from a place of genuine authenticity and vulnerability. There were several nuggets throughout, as well as some "Aha" moments.
October 22, 2023
Automatic high rating for being a religious book that actually made me think. Exvangelical theology is SO interesting to me because it challenges and breaks past all the monotonous doctrines repeated over decades if not centuries.
October 18, 2023
This book made me very uncomfortable on many levels, and I’m still processing so much of it. I do love how he unpacks scapegoating & how different cultures and groups put worth on people.
February 1, 2024
I’m undone ; everyone should read this
October 12, 2023
A theological memoir that powerfully blends personal story with theology, psychology and philosophy.
December 4, 2023
Roberts' first book, Beyond Shame, has proven to be foundational for me, and when I heard he was writing about people who'd left the church, I was thrilled. Holy Runaways wasn't quite what I expected, but it was better. It went deep into psychology and theology and really made me think. Holy Runaways felt like the best kind of therapy session. I felt uncomfortable and challenged and excited by new ideas and hopeful and uncomfortable all over again. I think many people (including myself) hear about someone writing a book about us holy runaways and think it will be all about the phenomenon of people leaving the church and how to get them back in (I really cringe at that second phrase). That's not what this book was. It was a therapy session for those of us who are having a really hard time being in church, and yeah, Roberts gets into why that might be, but this isn't a prescriptive self-help book, for individuals or for churches. This is an invitation to look deeper into our own assumptions and the systems in which we do or don't move. It's a caution against just seeking out a different (often more liberal) iteration of a religion without stopping to discern whether we're just propping up the same systems of hate and violence from another side. And honestly, it's a hug in a book from someone who's not wringing their hands over the youths leaving the church, but from someone who has lived it and understands. I felt very, very seen. It wasn't easy for me to read Holy Runaways, but I am glad I did, and I'm also glad to own it because I expect I'll be able to absorb more on future readings. I am so grateful for the author's honesty about his own journey; it was such a gift. Highly recommend to anyone with even a slight interest in religion, and definitely recommend to those who have been burned by it.
April 30, 2024
As much a memoir as anything. Although Matthias and I are different in many ways, I related to many of his experiences and especially appreciated reading about how he moved past the harm he experienced in the religion of his childhood. His conclusion is that faith is trusting that we are loved beyond all walls, beyond religion, and even beyond God and believing that getting to a place where we are all safe, welcome, and at peace is possible. He says he is a believer and a doer. He hopes that people can find a place where they can not only say it is not well, but also do something about it.
Some of the things that resonated, or I found most though-provoking:
“To me it’s now obvious that different people are drawn to different understandings of theology, but growing up, I would’ve told you there was only one correct theology – ours - and everything else was sinful placation.”
“Almost the entirety of the popular Christian understanding of Jesus’s work in the world, what folks call the ‘gospel,’ or the supposed ‘good news,’ is thinly veiled in shame.”
“If our self-judgement is paired with threats of external judgement, these feelings become even stronger. If that external judgment is threated by the God of the Universe, we have a self-reinforcing system.”
“Some of us, particularly because we lived in religious communities of various kinds, were told we should see ourselves as fundamentally broken. The only thing that can mend our feeling of brokenness and make life better is to acknowledge our need of a divine savior. Our brokenness points us directly to God.”
“One of the ways Dr. McBride [someone he worked with] defines spiritual trauma is “someone handing you an inner critic and telling you it’s the voice of God.” For many of us, the voice of shame is the voice of God…those voices don’t disappear easily.”
“You can safely assume you’ve created God in your own image when it turns out God hates all the same people you do.”
“I didn’t run away. I was kicked out. I was only welcome if I continued to prop up the fortress walls that seemed to get higher and stronger every day to keep more people out. From the outside, I no longer saw the walls as a source of safety. It now seemed that my family and community had drawn a perimeter around God’s love, limiting it into a specific shape and form I knew was a lie.”
“God’s love is limitless and unbounded. If your family and community puts limits on their love, it’s not love. There is a world of love beyond the walls, but you must first face and reckon with the grief of losing those who taught you what love is.”
Some of the things that resonated, or I found most though-provoking:
“To me it’s now obvious that different people are drawn to different understandings of theology, but growing up, I would’ve told you there was only one correct theology – ours - and everything else was sinful placation.”
“Almost the entirety of the popular Christian understanding of Jesus’s work in the world, what folks call the ‘gospel,’ or the supposed ‘good news,’ is thinly veiled in shame.”
“If our self-judgement is paired with threats of external judgement, these feelings become even stronger. If that external judgment is threated by the God of the Universe, we have a self-reinforcing system.”
“Some of us, particularly because we lived in religious communities of various kinds, were told we should see ourselves as fundamentally broken. The only thing that can mend our feeling of brokenness and make life better is to acknowledge our need of a divine savior. Our brokenness points us directly to God.”
“One of the ways Dr. McBride [someone he worked with] defines spiritual trauma is “someone handing you an inner critic and telling you it’s the voice of God.” For many of us, the voice of shame is the voice of God…those voices don’t disappear easily.”
“You can safely assume you’ve created God in your own image when it turns out God hates all the same people you do.”
“I didn’t run away. I was kicked out. I was only welcome if I continued to prop up the fortress walls that seemed to get higher and stronger every day to keep more people out. From the outside, I no longer saw the walls as a source of safety. It now seemed that my family and community had drawn a perimeter around God’s love, limiting it into a specific shape and form I knew was a lie.”
“God’s love is limitless and unbounded. If your family and community puts limits on their love, it’s not love. There is a world of love beyond the walls, but you must first face and reckon with the grief of losing those who taught you what love is.”
March 14, 2024
Holy Runaways is a memoir of and blueprint for reconstructing a new and vibrant faith after walking away from toxic religion. Specifically, it is a handbook that recounts Matthias Roberts journey away from his evangelical upbringing and toward a wider, more inclusive Christianity. Roberts uses his story to lead others on the same journey toward rediscovering faith after being burned by religion.
As a psychotherapist, Roberts is fully-equipped to tell this story from a professional perspective as well. Using studies on religious trauma, Holy Runaways is able to validate the trauma of bad religion and teach readers to build beauty from ashes. But this is no academic tome. Roberts writes with candor, brevity, and quick accessibility. His writing is exhortative and emotion-invoking, challenging and life-giving.
There’s so much I wanted to like about this book. And may people I respect and love have. Jeff Chu, who was given the task of editing to completion Rachel Held Evans’ posthumous work Wholehearted Faith gives an endorsement. So does Jonathan Martin, author of The Road Away from God—a stunning work that still remains for me the go-to book for discussing deconstruction. Jen Hatmaker writes the foreword and absolutely gushes over Matthias and the book. Which made me wonder what my hangup was, because I just couldn’t get into it.
After some deliberation and a couple read-throughs, I determined it was not the message, or the messenger, but the shape and format of the message. Holy Runaways is written in short bursts—little 3-4 page blog-style entries that I think was meant to evoke a sense of poetry. Instead, how it came across to me was as something scattered and incomplete. As soon as Roberts develops a thought, he moves onto a different one. The book struggles to build a cohesive narrative. I never felt like I could settle into the book because it kept jumping around.
In terms of content, Holy Runaways was refreshing. But it’s not something I haven’t heard elsewhere with more clarity, depth, and substance. The style might appeal to some—which is why I want to be clear that this book was not for me but that doesn’t mean the book won’t be for you.
The book strength is that it reaches out to those who have undergone religious trauma, tells them they aren’t alone, and walks with them toward a place of healing. And that’s absolutely beautiful. For me, though, the medium muddled the message.
As a psychotherapist, Roberts is fully-equipped to tell this story from a professional perspective as well. Using studies on religious trauma, Holy Runaways is able to validate the trauma of bad religion and teach readers to build beauty from ashes. But this is no academic tome. Roberts writes with candor, brevity, and quick accessibility. His writing is exhortative and emotion-invoking, challenging and life-giving.
There’s so much I wanted to like about this book. And may people I respect and love have. Jeff Chu, who was given the task of editing to completion Rachel Held Evans’ posthumous work Wholehearted Faith gives an endorsement. So does Jonathan Martin, author of The Road Away from God—a stunning work that still remains for me the go-to book for discussing deconstruction. Jen Hatmaker writes the foreword and absolutely gushes over Matthias and the book. Which made me wonder what my hangup was, because I just couldn’t get into it.
After some deliberation and a couple read-throughs, I determined it was not the message, or the messenger, but the shape and format of the message. Holy Runaways is written in short bursts—little 3-4 page blog-style entries that I think was meant to evoke a sense of poetry. Instead, how it came across to me was as something scattered and incomplete. As soon as Roberts develops a thought, he moves onto a different one. The book struggles to build a cohesive narrative. I never felt like I could settle into the book because it kept jumping around.
In terms of content, Holy Runaways was refreshing. But it’s not something I haven’t heard elsewhere with more clarity, depth, and substance. The style might appeal to some—which is why I want to be clear that this book was not for me but that doesn’t mean the book won’t be for you.
The book strength is that it reaches out to those who have undergone religious trauma, tells them they aren’t alone, and walks with them toward a place of healing. And that’s absolutely beautiful. For me, though, the medium muddled the message.
March 27, 2024
👏👏👏
Yes. This is a book many of us need. It's written with some honestly, love and intention.
I particularly enjoyed learning more about attunement and containment:
"Neuroscientist, Daniel Siegel describes attunement as "feeling felt when with another person". Rachel offered a definition of containment, saying it's like attunement, but is someone's ability to hold what is happening to another in the moment, without becoming dysregulated too."
"We can only attune, contain and repair for others that we have been attuned to, contained by, and repaired with others. We love, because we have first been loved."
I've already recommended this to multiple people and am sure I will revisit it again one day.
"Home is a place we can tell our own stories of pain and be met with love, apologies and a commitment to a better world. It's a place where we can learn from our mistakes, not seeking perfection, but justice. A place where the underdogs tell all their stories and where the powerful repent. It's a place where we get to be human."
Audiobook: 6h 52m
Yes. This is a book many of us need. It's written with some honestly, love and intention.
I particularly enjoyed learning more about attunement and containment:
"Neuroscientist, Daniel Siegel describes attunement as "feeling felt when with another person". Rachel offered a definition of containment, saying it's like attunement, but is someone's ability to hold what is happening to another in the moment, without becoming dysregulated too."
"We can only attune, contain and repair for others that we have been attuned to, contained by, and repaired with others. We love, because we have first been loved."
I've already recommended this to multiple people and am sure I will revisit it again one day.
"Home is a place we can tell our own stories of pain and be met with love, apologies and a commitment to a better world. It's a place where we can learn from our mistakes, not seeking perfection, but justice. A place where the underdogs tell all their stories and where the powerful repent. It's a place where we get to be human."
Audiobook: 6h 52m
April 4, 2024
The author is very young. Most of the good ideas he presents are from other's he has read or studied under. He weaves his own experience growing up gay in an evangelical wing of Christianity that is unforgiving and unacceptng of who he is. He has to chose to not be himself or be bad.
After running away to Seattle and getting guidance, he finds himself in a new understanding of who Jesus really is and a new perspective on God.
It's relavatory to some but not to me.
I had long prior come to this understanding of and relationship with a Jesus lutside of what Christians have tried to reshape Him into.
At some point of his life, I suspect our author will have lived long enough to find a perspective that's less theoretical and more lived in. Perhaps then he might try writing another book.
Still, as there are many struggling with their identities and hoping for a healthy relationship with Jesus, this could be a valuable experience.
Personally, I most enjoyed the discussions it incited in the book study where it was assigned.
After running away to Seattle and getting guidance, he finds himself in a new understanding of who Jesus really is and a new perspective on God.
It's relavatory to some but not to me.
I had long prior come to this understanding of and relationship with a Jesus lutside of what Christians have tried to reshape Him into.
At some point of his life, I suspect our author will have lived long enough to find a perspective that's less theoretical and more lived in. Perhaps then he might try writing another book.
Still, as there are many struggling with their identities and hoping for a healthy relationship with Jesus, this could be a valuable experience.
Personally, I most enjoyed the discussions it incited in the book study where it was assigned.
June 18, 2025
most of this is really good, and offers beautiful imagery for the grief of leaving a faith community and what it offers to folks who manage to get out
my only critiques are 1)it does meander a good bit and sometimes seems like he has lost his own point in the imagery building and 2)he is straining with some of his scriptural interpretations (his opening ideas about the mustard seed are an immediate example, later he talks about jesus' words about judgment, and in the former I think he just interprets something the passage doesn't say, in the second I think he's trying to make a passage acceptable that we could just go 'yknow what? this passage is painful and maybe we should reconsider even giving it weight') It was a curious flaw in the book, particularly given his background and the fact that there ARE passages that would match and support what he's trying to say in the book (I was genuinely surprised at him not using the book of Acts very much--that would seem to align very well with the concept of "holy runaways")
the memoir parts are the best parts
my only critiques are 1)it does meander a good bit and sometimes seems like he has lost his own point in the imagery building and 2)he is straining with some of his scriptural interpretations (his opening ideas about the mustard seed are an immediate example, later he talks about jesus' words about judgment, and in the former I think he just interprets something the passage doesn't say, in the second I think he's trying to make a passage acceptable that we could just go 'yknow what? this passage is painful and maybe we should reconsider even giving it weight') It was a curious flaw in the book, particularly given his background and the fact that there ARE passages that would match and support what he's trying to say in the book (I was genuinely surprised at him not using the book of Acts very much--that would seem to align very well with the concept of "holy runaways")
the memoir parts are the best parts
July 16, 2024
This masterpiece is the best book I've read this year.
Roberts artfully captures his own experience with evangelicalism while also providing the theological, sociological, and psychological insight to explain why that system functions the way it does. He successfully breaks down intimidating concepts and makes them incredibly accessible to the lay reader.
His critiques of Christianity (conservative and progressive alike) are acute, but from a place of compassion. Roberts believes that we all deserve a better faith, and he expresses that desire so genuinely that I'm inclined to believe that he means it.
This is a book that's going to sit with me for a long time. I can't recommend it enough, especially for folks who are looking for something deeper after leaving the faith of their upbringing.
Roberts artfully captures his own experience with evangelicalism while also providing the theological, sociological, and psychological insight to explain why that system functions the way it does. He successfully breaks down intimidating concepts and makes them incredibly accessible to the lay reader.
His critiques of Christianity (conservative and progressive alike) are acute, but from a place of compassion. Roberts believes that we all deserve a better faith, and he expresses that desire so genuinely that I'm inclined to believe that he means it.
This is a book that's going to sit with me for a long time. I can't recommend it enough, especially for folks who are looking for something deeper after leaving the faith of their upbringing.
October 27, 2024
I loved this book! I don't know if I completely agree with all the conclusions he came to in this book, but I agree with most. This book made me stop, pause, and think deeply about how I interact with the world and especially the people and organizations that hurt me. This book is written from such a compassionate place because he also went through major pain and grief at the hands of the people who should have loved him the most. This book embraces our humanity, good and bad. It sets a path that can be followed to rediscover faith, love, and connection by acknowledging and treating our pain through faith, love, and connection. This book was so well written, and I greatly enjoyed his narration on the audiobook. I will probably revisit this book again in the future.
November 1, 2023
I had high hopes for this as a cradle Catholic that stopped practicing about a decade ago. There's a lot of interesting stuff in here, and I could relate to a lot of what Roberts talked about, but it's definitely different for each of us.
I kept thinking about whether or not I'd be comfortable sharing this with one of my still-staunchly-religious family members to help explain some of my feelings, but I don't think there are many that would actually be open to reading this, unfortunately.
I kept thinking about whether or not I'd be comfortable sharing this with one of my still-staunchly-religious family members to help explain some of my feelings, but I don't think there are many that would actually be open to reading this, unfortunately.
November 14, 2023
I am grateful for the vulnerability of the journey in this book- it’s deeply personal. The psychological lens to theology was a a fresh and interesting take on deconstruction that allowed me to look at this from a new perspective.
It still just felt like a white man drawing from other white authors (which of course I knew before picking this up), but I was interested in hearing wisdom from someone other than Brene Brown. It could also just be this book wasn’t written for me.
It still just felt like a white man drawing from other white authors (which of course I knew before picking this up), but I was interested in hearing wisdom from someone other than Brene Brown. It could also just be this book wasn’t written for me.
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March 19, 2024Many are leaving churches due to the harm of religious entities. In this book, Roberts explores his own painful religious experiences and exclusion from the church due to his sexual orientation. Using his own experiences and his studies in theology and counseling, Roberts explores how churches can limit rather than expand faith and a way for those who find freedom on the outside to continue to embrace their faith.
April 6, 2024
A beautifully written book. Masterful weaving of biography, psychology and theology. Although I’ve been familiar with the work of Girard since seminary in the late 90’s, the authors conversation with James Alison, revealed fresh insights. As a pastor who works with people traumatized by high control religions and families with beloved members in the LGBTQ+ community who have been harmed by church, I found this to be an invaluable tool in helping me to be present, supportive and affirming.
March 11, 2024
This book was like honey to my soul. Thank you for writing this book, Matthias. Thank you for telling your story. I recommend this book to anyone asking questions about their faith, feeling lost in their own skin as a Christian (or not?). I feel like Matthias offered such a balanced perspective on trusting your faith again. I also loved the short chapters. Made it easy to soar through!
November 5, 2025
Not what I thought the book would be but a very worthwhile read.
I misled myself after reading the author’s bio before reading the book. The author did an excellent job of helping me understand my own troubled background with religion. The author helped me with ways to rethink my past history with religion and provide wonderful thoughts and ideas for regaining comfort.
I misled myself after reading the author’s bio before reading the book. The author did an excellent job of helping me understand my own troubled background with religion. The author helped me with ways to rethink my past history with religion and provide wonderful thoughts and ideas for regaining comfort.
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