It's Not About the Wine: The Loaded Truth Behind Mommy Wine Culture

by Celeste Yvonne

Alcohol isn't going to fix the systemic lack of support for mothers--and pretending it's the solution to surviving motherhood does more harm than good.

A wine glass etched with "Mommy needs wine"; a T-shirt that says, "I wine because my kids whine"; an infant's shirt proclaiming, "I'm the reason mommy drinks." This is Mommy Wine Culture: the pervasive message that alcohol helps us survive motherhood. But according to writer and mother Celeste Yvonne, it's a symptom of a much larger issue: the mental load of motherhood, a burden born from outdated family norms, traditional roles, and a systemic lack of support for moms--all of which impact mental health.

In this refreshing, honest take on some of the most pressing concerns for twenty-first-century parents, Yvonne mixes research, cultural references, her own story, and engaging interviews with other moms who sought refuge in wine and found a way out. Drinking to blur the tumultuous days of parenting is a Catch-22: It actually keeps parents from being present during this precious time.

It's Not about the Wine lifts the veil on what's really plaguing mothers, offers tangible tips for how to lighten the mental load, and paves a way forward for all who want to survive and thrive during these weary and wonderful years. From advice on talking about the mental load with one's partner, to curating the media we consume and the company we keep, to deep reflections about how we use alcohol to manage burnout and stress, Yvonne helps readers recognize the messaging of Mommy Wine Culture for what it is: a distraction from what's really needed.

Genres: Nonfiction, Parenting, Womens

217 pages, Hardcover

Published September 12, 2023

Reviews

[Laura (Laura and Literature) · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book had such potential- the title alone is great because it is so true. There so many real pressures to escape the emotional struggles of motherhood.

But, I was lost at the use of political propaganda and todays buzzwords. 👎🏼

[Leeann Cure · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well written, a great balance of personal narratives plus research and observation. I wish all moms could and would read this to help change the culture of using alcohol to "survive mommy-hood".

[Jess Jurhs · Rating 4 out of 5]

You ever read a book and think "I was not the target audience for this"? Well, it's exciting when you think that and then still learn stuff about yourself.

[Kimberly · Rating 2 out of 5]

Might change to 3. One thing that bugged is this book says at the outset it won't try to tell you to give all alchohol up for good, and then spends the entire time doing pretty much exactly that. It's a fine position to take, but like. Just own that, then.
She also keeps saying she knows that other people don't have the inability to quit once they start drinking like she does- and then spends every other point she makes acting like this is the universal experience.
The book touched on important topics and I agree with a lot of it, but I think it would have suited the author better to just bill this as a memoir and move on. The slight source citing, lukewarm analysis, and the "nonfiction" parts are what kind of tanked this book for me

[Hailey Hconroybooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

In It’s Not About the Wine, Celeste tells the story of moms who have woken up to the fact that alcohol was not serving them. She talks about how women are often fed the lie that “mommy juice” is how we manage the stress of parenting. When in reality, it’s a depressant that’s raising overall anxiety and often making everything harder.
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But it’s also not about the wine. It’s about the systemic lack of support for parents, especially moms, in our society. Because moms are superhuman! They can work, care for children, do the housework. Do it all! Until they can’t. Until they end up self medicating at the bottom of a bottle.
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This book is a treasure trove of resources. It transitions between the social science of parenting, facts and science about alcohol, memoir, and other women’s stories with alcohol.
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“Next time you hear me or someone else mention Mommy Wine Culture, remember: this is not an attack on moms or anyone drinking wine. This is frustration with the message that alcohol will solve some of the deeper societal woes that hold back parents, especially moms.”
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It’s Not About the Wine - Celeste Yvonne
Pub Date:🎉9/12/23🎉
5/5⭐️

[Diane · Rating 3 out of 5]

I can see the potential and what is trying to be addressed, and I know it's an important issue that needs attention, but I just couldn't finish the book. Maybe it's the writing style or the approach, but the book wasn't able to keep my interest.

[Tanya Ouhrabka · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a sober woman, a mom of three who drank to "survive" motherhood, this book couldn't be more needed. We need Celeste's words more than ever. As we dive deeper and deeper into the commercialization of women (specifically moms) drinking to decompress, socialize, survive, and manage life, we need to wake up. It's not alright that moms are made to believe there's something outside of themselves that's the answer to their quality of parenting and life. Celeste highlights this reality without sugar coating it. She's lived it. Who better to speak to this than one of the moms who has been sucked into it all. Rather than wearing a sweatshirt that reads something like "best mom when I have my wine" - how about we aim for "best mom." This is Celeste's hope. That women, whether mother's or not, will take a look at what alcohol is doing to us mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I can tell you, 14 years since I was a victim of the mommy wine culture, I am blessed to be free. Thank you Celeste for helping women free themselves!

[Rhiannon Johnson · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received a copy of this book from the publisher

I'm very divided with my review for this. On one hand, the topic of mommy wine culture needs all the attention and discussions it can get, but I had 2 problems with this book: the length and the sources. At 217 pages, this felt padded in spots but lacking in others. I also felt that the sources were subpar. For example, quoting WebMd or Healthline rather than verified and credentialed physicians or medical studies. If this was a thesis paper, I'd say it was an excellent first draft.

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[Christy Curley · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think this is an important book for anyone who is struggling under the weight of motherhood and especially if you often turn to harmful substances to help you cope. I do not consider myself to have a drinking problem and could not relate to a lot of the examples or experiences in this book, but I can definitely relate to some of the aspects of being exhausted, burnt out, or struggling with mom guilt. It made me rethink the way I talk about or approach alcohol with others. I could probably be a bit more sensitive to the relationship others have with alcohol. And it generally gave me some motivation to be healthier and make better choices when it comes to self-care and actually trying to talk about and address some of the hardships of motherhood, rather than drown them out with other things.

[Hadley Sorensen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is the wake-up call that ALL women need to hear. Celeste does a masterful job explaining the toxic intricacies of Mommy Wine Culture and all the ways it is hurting us as women. Her combination of personal stories and those of others', along with research and cultural anecdotes, make it very simple for us to understand - our attitude towards drinking is holding us back and keeping us small. I related to so much of her story and also found myself looking at my relationship with alcohol in a new way. I wish I'd had this book 3.5 years ago when I first stopped drinking. It's truly a lifeline of a book!

[Christine Derengowski · Rating 5 out of 5]

Celeste has left no stone unturned debunking the toxic ideology behind Mommy Wine Culture in this book. She delves into why women turn to alcohol as a coping mechanism, why moms are particularly susceptible, and how we can turn the table and challenge society to support moms. Even if you don’t consider yourself to have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, you’ll definitely relate to what Celeste has to say about the load of motherhood… but you just might find yourself relating a lot to some of the personal stories shared in her book as well. A must-read for all moms!

[Meg Geisewite · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s Not About the Wine gets to the root of why women, particularly moms are reaching for alcohol as a solution to their exhaustion and lack of support. This heartfelt book shares the author’s personal story, as as well as others allowing the reader to feel seen, heard, and validated. This thought provoking book exposes the loaded truth behind the mommy wine culture and the support that’s desperately needed for women. It’s Not About the Wine is a must read!

[Randi Latzman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Celeste brings much needed awareness to the perils of drinking to cope with the pressures of motherhood. She interweaves her own experiences with research to pack some powerful truths into every page. An informative read that will challenge your relationship with alcohol.

[Olivia Haynes · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting read with a plethora of resources, but I think the potential here for so much more was there from the beginning. For instance, I thought it was going delve into more with the science and societal psychology behind the mommy wine culture, but it was a little one note for me.

[Ericka Andersen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great info and important education on women & alcohol today, specifically mommy wine culture. I appreciate the author sharing her story and thoughts! I’m well versed in much of the reporting she does, but for someone newer to the topic, they would relay learn a lot of valuable info.

[Taryn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m just shy of 15 months sober and aspire to be a mom one day soon. I had the pleasure of spending a weekend with Celeste on a women’s sober retreat and reading her book was like a conversation with a friend. I hope anyone who reads this book feels the same. It was uplifting and encouraging.

[Hannah Pepper · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this read! While the focus of the book might be for somebody who doesn’t drink or is thinking about it, I think it could be a great read for anybody looking to support sober friends, or more importantly, new moms! It’s not about the wine!!! It’s about the support we give them!

[Cc · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honest, insightful, smart and lovely writing. Celeste’s voice is full of cultural insights and encouragement. I was moved to tears and virtual hugs more than once reading this book.

[Megan Havelka · Rating 4 out of 5]

Could have been a 5 star for me, and for parts it was, but I was hoping for some more.

[Shannon Baker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! What an eye opener to the mommy wine culture that we all think is so normal. This book taught me so much and uncovered so many truths. So relatable.

[Alieshia Baisy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting topic and extremely relevant; however, there were a lot of words that didn’t delve into the actual Mommy Wine Culture.

Emotional sobriety and the resources at the end were highlights.

[Ann · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well-written, interesting take on the subject.

[Rach · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really helpful and encouraging book, interesting looking at why society makes sure a big thing about alcohol being expected for mother's

[Mary Anne · Rating 2 out of 5]

Well versed in its topic, but not what I thought it would be about. The author focuses more on "Big Alcohol" and feminism and often draws on her own experiences.

[Jim Curtin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good read, diving into the intense pressure of motherhood, and how using alcohol to cope with that pressure has led to a bad joke

[Jess Hunter · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to like this so bad and it just fell flat. This topic has a ton of potential and some parts of the book really shine but most of it really misses the mark for me.

[Chrissi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very easy to read as a mom. Relatable.

[Rachy Rach · Rating 1 out of 5]

Meh. Couldn’t finish this one.

I don’t need the author to tell me how bad alcohol is for me and how the mommy wine culture is real (spoiler alert: it is very real). I want the author to go deep with me on her journey to sobriety.

This wasn’t for me.

[claire :) · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5/5 stars

I appreciated that this was written by a normal person and not a substance abuse expert but it did feel quite redundant

I got this from the library as a little prep for seeing clients soon (😱) and for substance abuse class this summer (🫣)

[Samantha]

a more in depth look at the societal expectations on women/mothers and the glorification to “do it all”

“Why are people, especially women, so willing to defend a misogynistic marketing tactic that wants to keep women a little buzzed and too distracted to see what’s going on? We are gaslighting our own struggles and cultural misogyny with the false premise that this is something a few drinks can fix”