Raising Kids beyond the Binary: Celebrating God’s Transgender and Gender-Diverse Children

by Jamie Bruesehoff, Sarah McBride (Foreword)

Dare to dream of a church and a world transformed by the bold celebration of transgender and gender-diverse children.

The debate around transgender children rages, with some Christians being the loudest voices against loving and supporting these young people. So, now more than ever, people of faith need to be grounded in God's call to love and affirm young people in who God created them to be. Raising Kids beyond the Binary bypasses the sound bites to give readers a vivid picture of who transgender, non-binary, and gender-expansive young people are and what they need to thrive.

Drawing on the author's experience as a mother walking with and learning from her own transgender child, as well as working with hundreds of families across the country doing the same, this book helps parents navigate the emotional, spiritual, and logistical landscape of raising a gender-diverse child.

Grounded in the unequivocal truth of God's deep love and limitless creativity, this book compels readers to move past "all are welcome" to loving and celebrating transgender and gender-diverse youth in the brilliance of their uniqueness, the wisdom of their self-awareness, and the joy of their authenticity. Faith leaders and adults who work with youth will also find the book a helpful tool for gaining insight and building safer and more welcoming congregations for these children.

Rich with personal stories, research, and practical steps, this book dares to dream of a church and a world transformed by the bold and joyful acceptance and celebration of transgender and gender-diverse children and youth. These children need us, and the world needs them.

Genres: Nonfiction, LGBT, Parenting, Religion, Faith

281 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 19, 2023

Reviews

[Annemarie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is one of the most well researched, faithful, and honest resources yet for parents and adults who love young people of all genders.

[Debra Porowski · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is part handbook, part memoir, and part instruction manual, and all over inspiration! Whether you are a parent, Faith leader, school staff, or just someone who wants to make the world a more welcoming and accepting place for all of God’s children, this book is for you. Jamie’s knowledge around LGBTQ+ people and policies is the perfect complement to her fierce Faith and biblical knowledge. I want to put this book in the hands of everyone I know that works with children in any situation. While I connected with the Faith lens, think there is plenty in this book that anyone can learn from. This book gave me knowledge and words that I will take back to my youth group and school and family. This book is a GIFT.

[riley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant in every way! An essential resource, especially for church leaders, parents, educators, and anyone who works with youth; also authentically and beautifully written.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the book I wanted years ago when I turned to the library to learn how to reconcile my faith with who my children knew themselves to be, when I longed to follow Jesus into the LGBTQ affirmation he was guiding my husband and I to. This is the book I wished I had alongside my What to Expect When You’re Expecting, though I wouldn’t have been ready to receive what Jamie is offering in this necessary book at that time. As a book geared toward Christian parents, it’s the book I hope all Christians–especially those in church leadership, would read as soon as possible. This book is full of love and grace and so much encouragement to keep learning and moving toward the kind of faith that expands and liberates. For the parents just learning that their child is trans, gender-diverse, gender-creative, yes, this book is for you and so worth the time. You are not alone or forsaken and your child is beautifully and wonderfully made. For the Christian adult hoping to keep the door open to Jesus for the youth in your life, pick up this book and use it as a starting point, not an ending point. As Jamie reminds us: “Breathe deep. Make space. Take a step.” “Grace abounds. We’re all learning.”

[Scott Poese · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall, this book is a wonderful work that shares God’s love in a way that isn’t represented nearly enough. Contrary to what I had seen in other reviews, biblical references are absolutely present in the book. The Bible does not say “Thou shalt love transgender people” explicitly, so if you were looking for that here, you’ll be disappointed. The Bible is, in fact, full of examples of God’s love, creativity, and wishes for his children. Those references abound (especially in the middle third or so of the book).

At times, I think the author tries to go a little too far outside of the scope of what I was expecting, but when she digs deep into the core issues, I found new appreciation. While I was personally familiar with some of the basics presented early in the book, the more thorough dive into the experience of transgender youth and their parents was enlightening. Highly recommend this book for other members of the church who are looking for a primer on transgender people and their experience - in and out of the church - and for adults who are worried that their faith is at odds with their child’s identity.

[Adela · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very valuable book for better understanding, loving, and supporting gender-diverse kids with a lot of wisdom and guidance for building safer spaces in our communities.

[Robyn Russell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, just wow! I am blown away by how well this book blends memoir/ personal life, with statics and facts. The beginning of the book is so informative in a way that invites the reader to learn to understand the community they are reading about better (not just a barrage facts that you sometimes get in nonfiction) The weaving in of personal journey and faith really gives this book balance and perspective that are important. I really appreciate the specifics in how to make a space a truly welcoming place by digging below a surface message of all are welcome and into details that are not always thought about in advance, but instead in reaction. While it is geared more toward people of faith I truly feel like EVERYONE (especially people who work with kids/ youth) need to read this book. The amount of information, and honest perspective you gain from reading this will stay with you. I cannot recommend this enough.

I worked with Jamie years ago in outdoor (camp) ministry and I feel like what they put into these pages is very true to who they are in real life. Their faith is such an integral part of their life and story, which adds greater weight to the way they advocate for changing the conversation is faith communities. I also really appreciated how Jamie speaks multiple times about the way their place in the world, and privileges their family has have allows them to set out more. One part I really found powerful was Jamie sharing about asking for feedback on their work from other in the community who come from different backgrounds/ cultures/ levels of privilege to keep themselves in check about the message they’re sending. I appreciated that transparency and hearing other voices ideas amplified.

Please please go read this book, and then recommend it !

[Addie · Rating 4 out of 5]

An excellent book for Christians and parents interested in hearing stories of raising children in the fullness of who they are. There’s a specific chapter for churches to read as a study, which I think is smart strategy toward churches looking to do this work. Overall the book leans more family memoir than theological study, but its author does a great job of building trust and offering relationships as the means toward understanding affirming church/life.

I do this work professionally (nurturing and pastoring affirming church communities and mentoring queer kids in church) and I think she really hit the mark! I almost had no notes. 😅 Will recommend this book to families in the future. One thing I especially liked that I don’t often see when parent allies of kids with identities they don’t share speak about their kids is that she appears to exhibit great boundaries and is faithful to her relationships with trans folks above any agenda she has to promote her own advocacy work. Parent allies can often make the work about themselves (🫠) and I saw her holding that line well.

Of note: I listened to the audiobook and didn’t love the narrator they chose—I wish it had been read by the author, because she seems wise and fun. The narrator chosen depersonalized some personal stories, I felt. Also the audiobook did not have chapters! It was one big track, which was hard for me to follow.

Lastly, I would not give this book to a young queer person; its audience is parents, church members, and adult family members/supporters who are curious to learn more about the topic.

[Laurie Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loving & Beautiful Book

Raising Kids Beyond the Binary is an important read for everyone. It gives guidance to create supportive relationships, communities, and spaces where all people can be celebrated, loved, and thrive as their truest, most unique selves. This book makes clear that when we love, and affirm kids we can change the world.

[Casey Parrett · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a wonderful resource and lovely read about a loving family showing each other and the world God’s love.

[Amy Ballard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely beautiful human story and practical guide. A breath of fresh air.

[kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really great resource. Well researched and written.
Faith portions were not applicable for us, but were not overpowering in the book which made it a great read for anyone.

[Chris Halverson · Rating 5 out of 5]

At a time when political pressures are bringing much more heat than light to the lives of trans and gender expansive kids, it is wonderful to read a book that has a different focus. Jamie’s “Raising Kids Beyond the Binary: Celebrating God’s Transgender and Gender-Diverse Children” is one part biography, one part parenting manual, one part faith investigation, and one part resource book. This is a great book for any parent, and a book parents of gender expansive kids could pass on to relatives and friends who are still trying to wrap their heads around trans issues.
I write that last bit with some hesitancy, as I think Jamie’s consistent acknowledgement of her own privilege and the intersectionality conversation in chapter 11 might turn off some of those relatives and friends who don’t come to the book with an open mind. That said, maybe I’m underselling folk’s willingness to engage with new ideas for the sake of being kind to the kids in their life. I hope that is the case.
Jamie did an excellent job with this book; she covered so much ground with such clarity and heart!

[Rick · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an important read for anyone with questions about what's it means to raise a transgender child. You will understand what it the parents must deal with, what schools and doctors deal with, and finally what the child deals with. You will have answers from a loving Christian perspective.
Everyone should read the book. You probably don't have a transgender child, or even know one. But you might be surprised.

[Katy Miles-Wallace · Rating 5 out of 5]

Raising Kids Beyond the Binary is required reading for anyone who wishes to be relevant in the lives of youth and young adults today. In a country where as many as 25% of Gen Z know themselves to be part of the LGBTQIA2S+ community, and many of those existing beyond the gender binary, it is imperative that the adults of the world learn the basics of being a kind and respectful human to trans and nonbinary youth - and adults! This book offers a compassionate and easy-to-follow window into some practical ways to be kind and some answers or points of view for those who struggle with this issue from a religious standpoint. I highly recommend buying a copy for yourself and at least one more to share.

[Josh Olds · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is no exaggeration to say this book will save lives. Using practical wisdom from her own journey of parenting and advocacy, Jamie Bruesehoff offers readers a personal, practical, and holy perspective on raising and celebrating transgender and gender-diverse children. Raising Kids Beyond the Binary is part memoir, part parenting book, and part social advocacy and exhortation. You may think “I don’t have a transgender child so I don’t need this book” but if you work with kids, work with people who have kids, or simply want to have an informed opinion on one of the hottest “culture war” issues, you need this book.

The introduction to Raising Kids Beyond the Binary begins with the frankly devastating words “Church was the only place where I ever told my child that she could not be her true self.” In that sentence, we get a good idea of the tone and perspective of this book.

First, Bruesehoff writes from a Christian perspective. This is important. When the strongest and loudest voices against the acceptance and inclusion of transgender people also claim the name and voice of Jesus, it is imperative that there are those who counter those voices using the same name and paradigm. It sets the foundational ground rule that, unlike what some may claim (both Christian and non-Christian), there is a path in Christianity that does not make you choose between your gender identity and Jesus. This book is written from the perspective of a Christian parent (one who has a seminary degree and has worked within the church!) and its primary audience is Christian parents.

Second, Bruesehoff acknowledges that the church has not made things easy. This is also important. Churches love to say they are places where people can be family, be vulnerable, be honest, and take off their mask—but the truth is that a lot of people wear a lot of masks to church and hide who they really are for fear of judgment. There was a willingness to accept their daughter’s gender creativity or breaking of social norms within the house. Wear all the dresses and pink ribbons you want. But in church, it’s time to be conformed to the person the church thinks you ought to be.

Third, when Bruesehoff talks about her daughter’s earliest years, she continues to use the true language of her gender identity. There is no language such as “She was born a boy” or “She was biologically male” or even “presents as male.” It’s the simple truth of as, Bruesehoff states in the book’s next two sentences “My oldest child, Rebekah, is transgender. When she was born, we all thought she was a boy, but she deeply knows herself to be a girl.” It is not that her daughter changed, but that everyone else’s thinking needed to change—that they needed to look beyond biology for the true self.

And, if you’re like me—if you came from a conservative evangelical background, even if you’ve moved significantly away from that—there’s probably warning klaxons ringing in your head about what I’ve said so far. Raising Kids Beyond the Binary realizes that and takes a tone that is calm, nonjudgmental, and clear. Bruesehoff isn’t here to counter the culture war by fighting, but by educating. Some won’t listen. Some won’t care. That’s not Bruesehoff’s audience. But for those with eyes to see and ears to hear, in the chapters that follow Bruesehoff offers a solid and clear medical and theological case for acceptance and inclusion.

There’s so much more I could say. I’ve expended the length of a normal review on just a breakdown of the first sentence. Raising Kids Beyond the Binary spends a whole chapter defining terms and explaining why correct use of these terms matter. Knowing the difference between “gender identity,” “gender expression,” and “sexual orientation—things that get conflated and make gender seem like its about sex (and therefore sexualizing transgender children) is crucial to having good faith conversations about transgender, nonbinary, and gender-diverse identities.

Bruesehoff spends a few chapters on the difficult issue of transitioning and moving your children into a gender expression outwardly that aligns with them inwardly. How do you tell their friends? Your friends? Their school? What if there’s pushback? How do you know you’re doing it right? What if your child changes their mind in a couple of years? What if they’re cisgender but just don’t fit narrow gender stereotypes of society? Then, when they’re older, how do you begin to handle medical transitions such as hormone blockers or gender-affirming surgeries? How do you keep your transgender child safe? How do you keep yourselves safe from claims of abuse? These are all questions that Bruesehoff faced and all questions that Raising Kids Beyond the Binary answers. For myself, I had lingering questions and concerns about hormone blockers and puberty that this book answered and clarified for me.

As a result of reading this book, I, as a parent, am more prepared to handle the development of my children’s burgeoning gender identities (no matter what that identity is).

As a result of reading this book, I, as a pastor, am more prepared to talk with parents about their child’s gender identity and walk with them through their child’s development.

As a result of reading this book, I, as a youth pastor, am more prepared to talk with children and teenagers about their own gender identities and development.

As a result of reading this book, I, as a public theologian, am more prepared to talk about the biblical case for acceptance and inclusivity and about a God who themselves transcend gender.

As a result of reading this book, I, as a human, am more prepared to consider ways in which I myself fit into the narrow societal stereotype of my gender expression and sexual orientation.

Jamie Bruesehoff has written a life-changing and life-saving book. If you’re a parent, a pastor, or just simply human you can learn from her wisdom and experience.

[Janice · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book and I didn't turn gay. Or become transgender. Nor did my kids. If only we could approach things that we don't know or don't understand with curiosity, instead of judgement and fear.

Bruesehoff is SO thorough in her research. Recommended for all who have questions and seek to understand (in a perfect world, that would be everyone).

[Heather Day · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a great resource! I am a Family Ministry Director at a fairly progressive Lutheran Church and I’m so excited to share this book with families at our church. There aren’t many resources out there for parents of kids who are gender-diverse, and church can be an especially scary place to have a child who doesn’t fit into the typical boxes. This book is a great resource for me to share with parents whose kids might be giving hints about who they might be. I’m also excited to offer this book as a book study for any of our families. This book gives me a way to open up conversations with parents and with others in our congregation who might have questions. Jamie gives me theological and relational language to use in conversation with others, which is SO HELPFUL!
If you are in children/youth/family ministry, this book is a MUST for your resource shelf. And if you have or know of a family with a gender-diverse child, this book is a great resource for you! Thank you, Jamie, for sharing your family’s story and for the encouragement to support, love, and advocate for all God’s children.

[Shannon · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've worked with Jamie in NJ at a camp our kids attended while I was on its board. I've respected her and her entire family as their activism extended outside of our region, and she & Rebekah appeared on tv, and became published authors.

This book is written to not just fill a void in teaching churches how to be truly inclusive, but it is educating all allies in the struggle that we so often do not see, in order to help us all be the supporters we want to be.

I found myself highlighting many passages to come back to, that are also great advice for families working through any kind of struggle.

Thank you for reminding us all that all of our children are exactly who God made them to be. It's a comfor for all parents.

[Kate Zimmer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this book and give it to your friends! Jamie Bruesehoff uses her own experience to let you in on a little secret — trans kids are fiercely and beautifully made. They are part of the beautiful, diverse world of creation. They are children of God.

When my own child came out, I worried about how the world would receive him. Jamie’s mission is to help create a world that will receive all our children with love. She offers specific, attainable ways that families, schools, and churches can be more intentionally affirming and inclusive. Spoiler: It’s not just rainbow flags and bathrooms.

Parents, grandparents, pastors, and teachers — this book is for you! 🩷🩵🤎🖤❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

[Amanda Rasner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Having heard Jamie speak multiple times, I knew that she is well-researched, authentic, and inspiring. She takes readers along on their family’s journey of raising their transgender daughter as people of Christian faith, sharing resources and honest lessons learned. As a faith leader who works with children and young adults of all gender identities and expressions, I will revisit and share my dog-eared highlighted copy for years to come. Thank you, Jamie and Rebekah, for your voices in the world, for your continued presence in the church, and for providing us with knowledge and hope. This book is absolutely necessary.

[Rae Cobleigh · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fantastic, well-reasoned, holy meditation

As a committed follower of Christ who is nonbinary and bisexual, this book was a breath of fresh air. The reasoning is clear, the exhortations solid, and the reflections on theology honest and challenging. I loved reading the introductions to the LGBTQ+ terminology, the personal stories, the practical recommendations, and the reminders that we can't separate any marginalized identity from all the others: we need to tether our boats together and work to make the kingdom of God a reality for *everyone*, leaving no one behind!

[Foxglow · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book long overdue. A powerful rebuttal to the narrative that LGBTQ+ individuals are outside od God's grace. It is a call for Christains who know better to speak up publically to school boards and politicians on the need for inclusivity and treating people fairly and compassionately.

This issue is one of many reasons I left my faith community. I and trilled to learn that voices are beginning to speak up in defense of these vulnerable childen.

[Clint · Rating 4 out of 5]

The gift of this book is wisdom, wisdom, and more wisdom. Wherever or however young people cross your path, this book has the practical advice you'll need for interacting with LGBTQIA+ kids. Parents are the focus, but Bruesehoff offers excellent and rewarding insights for educators, church workers, community workers, and activists.

[Courtney Westerlund · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone needs to read this book. You don’t have to be a parent or even someone raising kids- you just need to be a human. This book gives so much information and is told in such an accessible way. We all need to live beyond the binary and the world will be better for it. Let us celebrate the diversity of God’s creation and get to work protecting, supporting, and loving all of it.

[Cook Memorial Public Library · Rating 5 out of 5]

A 2023 Staff Nonfiction Favorite for Amy B.! For readers of How to be a Girl by Marlo Mack and
Transforming: the Bible and the Lives of Transgender Christians by Austen Hartke.

Check our catalog: https://encore.cooklib.org/iii/encore...

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Listened to on Libby.
I really enjoyed this book. I think it would be helpful for anyone who has kids in their life. I also maybe learned something about myself too so that's cool.
It also of course has some bible quotes and Christian religious stuff so just be aware of that.

[Carol · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would give this more stars if possible. I recommend reading this book if you know anyone who is non-binary, if your church family is wanting to be inclusive or just to learn how to be kind to all of God's children.

[Victoria Hoppes · Rating 4 out of 5]

There is a lot of good information for adults in this book. I learned a lot and appreciate the Bruesehoff's story.

[Lydia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book should be required reading for every parent and every pastor. Vital information, but ultimate the most important thing is the message: you are not alone!