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THE ASPIRANT: Memoirs of a Monk Turned Civil Servant

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If you do not become what you once aspired to become, does it matter?

‘The Aspirant’ looks for an answer to this perennial question. It is the story of a young man who once wanted to become a Carmelite monk, but ended up becoming a monk of a different order - a civil servant. The disillusionment with the way monastic life was practiced, made him take this new direction.

The journey ahead as a bureaucrat in CAG’s institution took the author to many places across the globe and caused him to meet several people – ordinary people with extraordinary stories – and those stories add extra layers to this memoir. And all through his life’s varied voyages, a part of him remained as a monk.

‘The Aspirant’ attempts to demystify two venerable institutions - the church and the bureaucracy - with a tinge of irreverence but without an iota of malice.

243 pages, Paperback

Published May 24, 2021

11 people are currently reading
93 people want to read

About the author

Mathew Joseph

19 books3 followers

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Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews
Profile Image for The Bookish Elf.
2,823 reviews432 followers
July 26, 2021
Our identity is like a mirror covered in dust. We have no idea who we are, what we want to be, who we seek, and what we want to value. This is due to the dust that obscures our vision. In 'The Aspirant', Mathew Joseph explains that cleaning your mirror will not be a pleasant experience. However, only once you have removed the dust obscuring your mirror can you see your true reflection. Removing the dust allows you to see who you truly are.

Mathew Joseph is the narrator of The Aspirant and it truly feels like we are having a conversation with him in our living room. Mathew Joseph shares many personal stories of his time spent training as a monk and then a civil servant. He shares the way a monk thinks and the ancient techniques still used today to have a more joyful, peaceful, purposeful life.

We need to be more deliberate about the values we follow because our values guide us in life. Mathew Joseph encourages readers to pursue higher values, including gratitude, service, truthfulness, and compassion. Ultimately, these higher values are what will give you happiness, fulfilment, and meaning.

As The Aspirant is a memoir, we do get the overall story of author Mathew's life and how he ended up doing what he was always meant to do, serving people, which I think was very interesting. The author’s opinion of the interdependent relationship of work and life is something I believe in wholeheartedly. Life is brief, and it’s wasteful to spend time doing things that do not align with your passions or gifts.

The words were simple, the moral was clear: each and every chapter was immaculate with significant details about life, exhibited in a very consoling tone. You'll learn many things that are extremely important to find mental peace and balance crucial elements in life. This book provides insight to see the world with a transparent mind. Author’s spiritual journey of monkhood and then being a bureaucrat in CAG’s institution is really interesting and thought-provoking. The book is full of wisdom that everyone needs to read. It may not be relevant to you at the time you read it but it may plant a seed. Or it can act as a reminder to live a more purposeful life.

The Aspirant by Mathew Joseph is a helpful book for those who are starting their exploration of the truth, and the nature of the mind and its challenges, the purpose of life, the conflict between ego and Self. The book simplifies a lot of things by showing that the monk mind is an indispensable and integral part of life. All in all, it's a very useful book to explore the various facets, challenges of living life, overcoming negativity and mental roadblocks, and guiding you to realise your full potential in your most important journey of living life with full awareness and wisdom. Highly recommended!
Profile Image for S.Readss.
553 reviews13 followers
July 24, 2021
Life is full of surprises and life rarely takes us where we want to go. This is also such a story, the story of a young boy who wanted to be a monk but ended up being a civil servant. It is his story filled with highs and lows, lessons and learnings, experiences and memories. 
The Aspirant attempts to demystify two venerable institutions - the church and the bureaucracy. Grab this book to know more.


-The narration is descriptive and the whole book is in storytelling format with very few dialogues which I don't like much and found myself drifting apart. 
-The language used in the book is easy to understand and quite intriguing. 
-The book takes the reader on a special journey of two very different types of life.
-The author has given a brief description of church life and Christianity.
-Description of nature, lifestyle and people has been made beautifully throughout. 

Overall, it is a good one time read. 
Profile Image for Debabrata Mishra.
1,642 reviews44 followers
August 2, 2021
Beautiful read

You must have heard of people leaving their jobs and leading a life towards spirituality and becoming a monk, right? Well, whatif I tell you that a monk chose to become a civil aspirant and became an IAS officer? Quite intriguing right? The book, The Aspirant by Mathew Joseph talks about the real life story of the author, who was always curious and excited about being a monk, became one and then went on to become a Civil Aspirant. The book talks about his experiences, incidents, encounters with people and the lessons he learnt.
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To know more about this grab the book & give it a try.

The cover of the book is intelligently designed with an apt title that will draw the attention of readers in one go.The writing style of the book is good it's connecting. The book just touched the Hearts of readers as it is based on the true life incidents. The way try to put forward his life with the help of words that's really inspiring.The language is easy , crisp connecting & keep the reading experience intact.From a monk to an IAS officer the journey in itself is enough to leave a mark in reader's heart. Here author beautifully portrayed the two parts of his life in a very precise but effective way.
The narration is good engaging and how the revolution in author's life began against all the odds is more engaging to read.The real life stories small small incidents & overcoming all the odds to give yourself a recognization is a beautiful journey of life. Nicely paced storyline with a great concept.
Profile Image for Anindita Banerjee.
121 reviews4 followers
July 25, 2021
The Aspirant, Memoirs of a Monk turned into Civil Servant by Mathew Joseph: Have you ever imagined to be an aspirant but in an unconventional way? Have you ever thought to be a monk? Monk in the sense that you have to cross various stages of your life in the form of sacrifices and penitances where you have to understand with close experiences the values of chastity and poverty especially while closely following them and forever accompanying them with you The journey to being a monk will start from the age you start to go to school till forever and in this book the author has shared has experience to be a Carmalite Monk under the strict confines of a Syrian Christian monestary in Kerala. This might take all of us back to the education system of the Vedic ages but the author in a certain point in his life wanted and tried hard to be a monk and experience a monk's way to lead his life. Obviously, it was way more than the world difficult and tough and it had it's own loopholes that brought a very I should say unusual change in the author to totally shift his focus and meaning of existence in his life and be a civil servant! The book opens up with the account of an incident that the author encounters that almost leads him to jail in a far away land of the US of A in the John Doe case that he was accused of fulfilling his legality to that country's civilians and the police. Through this incident, I have felt that the author has tried to make us understand that how the human 's nature, maturity and behavior matters and varies around different corners of the world. In that incident from his life, his landlord never intervened the police to prove the innocence of the author but for the moment, took pleasure in his suffering. The most intimidating thing I felt from this book is the author's description of the food habits in the monastery where sometimes even burned morsels of food where served to the disciplines residing there only to understand them the importance of food and how equality mattered sharing food as well of whatever quality be it. The principal monk even strictly handled the author as well and made him understand the dedication of a monk like. I really liked the character of Brother Mark. Such a difficult was his Marg (path) to being a monk was that even the author had to stop avoiding and talking to any female figure maybe because it was hinted usually in monkhood that one cannot have filial desires. The author for his CAG Civil Servant job, had to travel through various parts of India and the world as well as a part of cracking UNCTAD. Everywhere he went he created unique encounters with people and the essence of this book lies in his wonderful description of various scenic beauties of nature with which he felt a close oneness, especially the charming, mesmering scenic beauties of Himachal, Cochin and Belgium. Somewhere, I felt that the author became an hedonist wanderer as well within his soul accepting with inner peace and tranquility. The author also has described certain features of workings and functioning of government jobs by civilians who were bestowed with it. A masterpiece, this book is a must read for all that will enchant and enhance the traveller in us to explore new avenues.The cover page of the book has only served as an emblem that has symbolically emphasized another replica of the author's wanderlust soul.
298 reviews6 followers
July 18, 2021
🌸 Aspirants
🌸 Author - Mathew Joseph

Every situation in life is temporary, when we adapt to a particular situation we think that now we are going to live like this for the whole life but life always has some surprises, good or bad , no one knows.
This book is a biography of Mathew Joseph ,which is written from his point of view. It describes his journey of becoming a monk and then ending up as a bureaucrat.
It is a collection of incidences and experiences from the life of Mathew Joshep . His experiences reflect and motivates the reader to follow the path of truthfulness , gratitude and kindness, values which always help in life at the time of distress.
Author has beautifully described his transition from a monk to a bureaucrat. As a monk he helped and guided people and when he became civil servant again he utilised his powers to uplift the lives of people .
How he helped the people after being a civil servant ?
Why he chose the path of bureaucracy after being a monk?

Aspirants is an inspiring as well
interesting book which carries personal reflection of Mathew Joseph’s life guiding and inspiring people.
The author has very beautifully described his journey of becoming a monk. Being a monk is not an easy task and the author has touched the various aspects of a monk’s life quoting various live examples which I personally found interesting as it is for the first time I came to know so much about the life of a Monk . The narration is very light hearted and directly connects to the reader . The best thing about the book is that the civil servant never leaves the soul of the monk . Even after he becomes a civil servant , he never forgets what all he has learned during his journey of becoming a monk.
The good values always guided him like the pole star.
The book gives a message that nothing is final in life . You never know that the destination which seems to be the final destination is a new beginning of another phase .
It’s a must read for people who want to experience the surprises of life .
556 reviews5 followers
July 26, 2021



🅱🅾🅾🅺 🆁🅴🆅🅸🅴🆆

𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑨𝑺𝑷𝑰𝑹𝑨𝑵𝑻: 𝑴𝒆𝒎𝒐𝒊𝒓𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒂 𝑴𝒐𝒏𝒌 𝑻𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝑪𝒊𝒗𝒊𝒍 𝑺𝒆𝒓𝒗𝒂𝒏𝒕

🆀🅾🆃🅳#: What was your last read?

#AOTD: Right under your nose

ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ: Mathew Joseph
ꜰᴏʀᴍᴀᴛ: Paperback/ Kindle
ᴘᴀɢᴇꜱ/ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀꜱ: 223
𝙶𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚎: Biographies
ᴘᴜʙʟɪꜱʜᴇʀ:‎ Leadstart Publishing Pvt Ltd

🗣️𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑: Mathew Joseph was born in central Kerala and after having lived and worked in most parts of India, he has moved to Bangalore where he lives currently. He spent his teenage years aspiring to become a Carmelite monk, before embarking up on a career in civil service. He holds two degrees, one in philosophy, and another in psychology in addition to a master's in business administration. He is a former civil servant and an ardent nature lover and avid traveller.

✨SYNOPSIS: This book is divided into two parts and written in the way of memoir which mean this includes elements from reality. The book talks about failure to become a monk and ended up becoming a bureaucrat in the CAG. This was indeed a good piece of read.

✨NOVELTY: Though this book comes from biographies but the way segregation has been done in the book and real elements made this book more connected with reader.

✨GUESSWORK: As the context come from the life of the author thus it is not giving any room for the prediction.

✨LANGUAGE: The language goes with perfectly with the narration and kept beginners friendly.

✨FINAL CALL: A person wanted to become a monk and went to monastery to be one but ofcourse due to circumstances he couldn't become one. But how he ended up becoming a bureaucrat. This book is a good one time reader which easily wrapped less than 230 pages.


- - #readwithbindu
- #reviewwithbindu
- - #bookwormbindz.
94 reviews1 follower
July 25, 2021
Realization of the self


The Aspirant talks about the author's journey from a monk to a civil service employee. Like the saying, 'Man proposes and God disposes', the authority to decide our life is not in our hands. It's decided by our fate. We badly wanted to be something, but we may end up being something else. Sometimes it's positive and it may be negative too. The process we undergo to become something or someone is interesting. It teaches you a lot. The experience you gain in attaining it is immeasurable.

The entire book is the experience of our protagonist.Our protagonist wanted to become a monk. But situations had made him a civil servant. During his service he had so many experiences. He got to see a lot of people, been with them and listened to their stories.
He had helped people to live a life of content and happiness while he was a monk, when he became a civil servant he continued his job of helping people by imparting knowledge in them. All these had taught him the purpose of life, which nothing could ever teach him.

It's the story of the author as well. It's his own experience and they are beautifully portrayed in the book. The book also teach us several qualities like acceptance, gratitude, sympathy, empathy, compassion etc,.

I know you would be so much confused, why a monk wanted to become a civil servant? What made him to be a civil servant?

The answer is in the book. I am sure the answer would kindle your mind. Please read the book. You wont regret.

The language is very simple and everyone could easily understand it. The philosophical ideas of the author is very much appreciable. I had a good time reading this book.
Profile Image for Ritika Srivastava.
274 reviews5 followers
July 25, 2021
💚#bookreview 212👇
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Book - The Aspirants
Author - Mathew Joseph
Publication - Leadstart Publication @leadstart_publishing
Genre - Fiction
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💚The Aspirant: Memoirs Of A Monk Turned Civil Servant is an inspiring story penned down by Mathew Joseph. The book is published by Leadstart Publishing Pvt. Ltd. 
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💚The Aspirant talks about the journey of a monk, the struggles, the lessons, and then how and why he became a civil servant but never forgot the lessons he learned as a monk. The book includes various incidents and experiences of the author's life that will inspire the reader to follow good values no matter what happens. 
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💚In my opinion, the book is really inspiring and the plot is an interesting one. Like, usually, people leave their jobs to become monks and live their lives like a monk. But, in this case, it's the total opposite. The transition shown by the author is fantabulous. I loved how the author explained great lessons with such ease and simplicity. Books like these are rare and really motivating. The best thing is that it's a real story, and so the reader can relate to the book easily and apply the lessons and values in real life too. 
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💚For me, it was a 🌟🌟🌟🌟/5 read.
369 reviews15 followers
July 23, 2021
I recently watched ASPIRANTS, a youtube webseries and my interest for this word has grown. That was my first reason of picking this book up which is named as THE ASPIRANT written by Mathew Joseph. Firstly starting with a fact that we all have plans set to live life but our life too has their plans set for us. The book is a very real felt story of a person who wishes to become a monk . But like has other plans for him which makes him a bureaucrat in CAG. To know why the shift in the profession you will have to read the book . The author has narrated the feelings the person goes through when he has plans to become a monk. The thoughts are penned down beautifully. His life as a bureaucrat was not his choice but a life which he actually wouldn't mind living. It involved visiting various places, meeting different people and a lot more. The difference in both the lives is explained in the book. Life had better plans for him than being a monk. The book has left a forever impression on me. It is a very intriguing and interesting read .I will personally recommend it to all the avid readers out there.

796 reviews13 followers
August 11, 2021
Book - THE ASPIRANT: Memoirs of a Monk Turned Civil Servant
Format- Kindle
Rating- 5/5

The title itself is really intriguing. This book is really helpful for those who are starting their journey towards truth, and also the challenges.

The book in author point of you. Author is only the narrator and just I felt like he is really having conversation with me . It was very realistic and dialogues are really interesting. He also shared some of the stories .
He also shared some of the stories when he spent training as a Monk.
Actually he is very excited to be as a Monk and now he became civil servant.
Really it's a great job. Here author shared his experience and I was really spell bound . I really liked those .
We will know a path toward truth and success.
He helped many people who are in need and also guided them .
And now I understood how difficult being a Monk.

The book is really inspiring and I just loved the book. The cover page is really intriguing. And the title is opt for the book as it is true and real story . Language is simpler and easy to understand. I would like to recommend this book to everyone.
Highly recommended and happy reading
Profile Image for bangalimeyreads.
1,181 reviews29 followers
July 10, 2021
It's a fictional plot reflecting the reality. We often plan out our life yet the life has different plans for us and we end up being on different track than what we had decided previously.
The book is the story protraiting our protagonist who had planned to be a Carmelite monk but ends up being in a different profession.
The author has amazingly reflected the real picture, where the suprises held in by my time and life get revealed and we have to accept it. The protagonist becomes a bureaucrat in CAG.
The difference between both the lives is also penned down in the book.
It is one of those books which has so much to give its readers. It is presented in a very unique manner that the reader enjoys reading and understanding it thoroughly.
The language used in this book is very simple and easy. The narration is very friendly thus making it a good read for all the readers. It's definitely a good read.
350 reviews3 followers
July 21, 2021
A journey that one needs to know

Life has many journeys, Many of us don't end up where we want to be. This interesting and almost perfect book is about the journey of an young man who wanted to become a Carmelite monk, however he ended up being a civil servant.

Isn't that an very interesting story in itself. So the author has penned down the process of it which includes the many stories which made me ponder over my own life.

Apart from that the 2 biggest institutes are the church and the bureaucracy, the author tries to break them down and tell their story without and malice though.

The writing style is so interesting and smooth that I actually feel it's more like an interesting narration. The language is simple and crisp. The author did a great job on the title and book cover, I absolutely loved it.

Do go for this beautiful book, Highly recommend for all ages and everyone in fact
296 reviews
July 14, 2021
The Aspirant is the biography of Author Mattew Joseph. In this book, he shares his entire life with the readers.

The book is more than 200 pages long.

The author starts the story when he joined the seminary to become a monk. He outlines the lifestyle there and all the practices are undertaken too. However, he does not join religious life and leaves the seminary.

After that, he starts his career as a civil servant. He undertakes many different roles throughout his life till he retires. He has provided a detailed explanation of all the incidents in his whole life.

i enjoyed reading the first part about the monastery because that was something I didn't know about. After that part was over the rest of the book was a bit monotonous.
Nonetheless, it was great reading the author's life experience.
After reading this book I have realised that nothing is final in life.
214 reviews2 followers
July 25, 2021
The decisions we make today can have monumental impacts on our future. In a moment, we can decide to do something that will change the shape and trajectory of our lives. All it takes is a moment.

The book revolves around the story of a young man who wishes to become a monk and give his best to fulfill his desire but ends up becoming something else. This is a part of a life wherein we plan for something but we get something else like the protagonist plans for becoming a monk but ended up becoming a bureaucrat in CAG.

The author has talked about the differences in both of the lives, in detail. I loved the way the author has described the story. The author has used simple English which connected the readers well with the story. I like the book cover and the narration style.
Recommended
323 reviews5 followers
July 30, 2021
This story book is written by Mathew Joseph. This story book is basically about a young man who wishes to become a monk and give his best to fulfill his desires but ends up becoming something else. like the protagonist plan for becoming a monk but ended up becoming a bureaucrat in CAG. The best thing about the book is that the civil servant never leaves the soul of the monk . Even after he becomes a civil servant , he never forgets what all he has learned during his journey of becoming a monk. Life has many journeys, Many of us don't end up where we want to be.I love the way the author has used simple and easy words in this book . I love the cover and the narration style. This story book motivating and boosts my confidence . this book contains deep meaning of our llife.I would to highly recommend this book to all readers .
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Profile Image for Half Papyrus.
483 reviews1 follower
August 7, 2021
The book is not a cliche with respect to bureaucracy and rebellious shift from humanity to saviours.

The storyline is undoubtedly intriguing given the fact that even in the quench of aspirations, someone with powers is still confined to the mediocrity of society but being a monk for the people can change the perceptions. With the dilemma to choose, the protagonists finds himself broken yet brave but their unusual experiences is bound to make the readers experience goosebumps all throughout!⁣

The narration has a wonderful grip to it for one would find oneself attached to the story and yet find relevant in one's own life. Everything is complex and so is its majesty of stories! Nonetheless, the book was enjoyable throughout and it had a well thought out ending which could leave anyone with plethora of thoughts!⁣
272 reviews10 followers
July 21, 2021

This book is an interesting story that glues readers to their couches. The story of a monk with an engaging storyline.

Talking about the language, it’s lucid and narration is smooth. The descriptions are vivid and characters are built as per plot demand.

The protagonist has planned to be a monk but his fate did not favor him. We find that he ended up doing a civil job. As part of his job he is transferred to various different places. His life in different place gets him new elements to learn. The journey and his story is what the book contains.

The book is divided into 2 parts, each are really engaging read. The stories of his experience are like a page turner.
The cover is so peaceful and the title justifies the storyline.
1,023 reviews13 followers
July 25, 2021
Aspirants
by Mathew Joseph

We plan our life but it always ends up changing and never sticks to our plan. Everything seems to be permanent at a time but is actually not permanent and changes after a time and it seems to be very surprising and sometimes like a miracle to us.
This book tells the story of a young man who wishes to become a monk and follows everything to fulfil his wish but ends up becoming a burecuat . YES that's totally different paths and you will definitely find it very interesting that how it happened.
Author has also given details about a monk's life and a civil aspirant's life and work. This book will also motivate you and teach you some good life lessons.
Language used is easy to understand and narration is well.
Must read👍
Profile Image for Megha Malik.
363 reviews7 followers
July 25, 2021
My Rating 3.8 🌟
Have you ever planned out your life and that did not went well? This happens with a lot of us when we plan something and that does not works the same way as we wanted it to be and then finds ourselves in a complete different situation we wished for us.

Something similar happened to in this book aswell where the protagonist who is a young man and wishes to be a monk but ended up in while different profession that of an IAS officer, having a government job.
The incidents of his life is beautiful written having numerous stories from the service and lifetime. The plot was fictional yet connected to real life to some extent which made it interesting to read. The narration is beginners friendly aswell.
Profile Image for ANMOL JAUHER.
434 reviews7 followers
July 25, 2021
An eye opener for a lot of its readers, this book is sure to give you a reality check. It basically makes us realise that not everything in life goes as planned or as expected. So we should always always expect the unexpected.
Some things can never be in our control and we must stop trying to own it all. Rather, to live a life that is more on the go, spontaneous, calculated but not defined.
I totally loved how the author subtly narrates what he wants to impart to the readers in the form of a fiction. The character of the story plans on becoming a monk but ends up becoming a bureaucrat. It's a classic case of planning failure.
Such books are rare to cross paths with and I'm glad I got the chance to read this one.
Profile Image for Sharlin Jose.
25 reviews
February 12, 2023
A wonderful,joyful, insightful and heartfelt read.
The author is an ex-bureaucrat, interestingly also a person who spend his early years in a seminary en route his path to monk-hood.
The first part of the book is about his seminary days. Though I belong to a catholic household and have relatives who ended up becoming priests and nuns, this book provided me with the much needed insider's perspective of the church. Many of the opinions wrt the church of the author was very similar to the ones i hold.
The second part is about his saga in bureaucracy. Along with the author the readers are transported to several states in India, to the US, to South America-such is the beauty of this book. His observations about US settled Indians and ISRO remains my favourite sections of the book.
Profile Image for Boomika.
10 reviews1 follower
December 14, 2024
A package of adventures and surprises one face in the journey of civil services was exactly portrayed by the author. Along with Montana I also travelled with him through the memories of the glorious life journey.

"When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it” is a quote by Paulo Coelho from his book The Alchemist The Alchemist , works well in sir Mathew Joseph 's life. The stories from distant lands of Latin America was remarkably fascinating.
Yep! Obviously a must read 👍
Mathew Joseph
Profile Image for The bookingham palace.
160 reviews4 followers
July 24, 2021
Life is full of miracles. The planning which we have for our life sometimes doesn't get executed. We may end up at the extreme opposite end of what we dream. This book has lots of stuffs to learn. The storyline is the protagonist wants to become a Carmelite monk but he became an civil servant. This plot is somewhat relatable and very authentic, we might have gone through the same thing, which made me very curious while reading. The journey of his life is amazingly penned in this book.

It's very gripping and engaging read for me. I loved the storyline, it's very refreshing and heart whelming. The writing style is simple and easy to grasp. It's quite long read but very compelling.
664 reviews4 followers
July 25, 2021
The book Aspirants is a really realistic and relatable read. The books represents the phase of life that everyone faces. When our future is not according to our plan or our thinking we end up being disheartened.
The protagonist in the story wanted to become a Carmelite monk but end up being a civil servant. The plot and story is relatable to every young adult. The idea might be somewhat common but the presentation is crisp and authentic.
The journey of his life is amazingly pictured in this book.
The book is gripping till the end and the storyline is promising and refreshing.
The writing style is simple and easy to understand.
Overall a nice book.
180 reviews1 follower
August 5, 2021
The thoughts are penned down beautifully. His life as a bureaucrat was not his choice but a life which he actually wouldn't mind living. It involved visiting various places, meeting different people and a lot more. The difference in both the lives is explained in the book. Life had better plans for him than being a monk. The book has left a forever impression on me. It is a very intriguing and interesting read .I will personally recommend it to all the avid readers out there
Profile Image for Shabbir Shawkut.
14 reviews
May 22, 2022
I got informed about the unknown life of monks, particularly how they are trained and with what purposes. It was interesting not for the book's insights but the knowing the process of developing spiritual gravity. Good read and I would recommend this while you are on vacation.
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