Here All Along

by Lori Osterman

Here All Along is one woman's struggle to leave an abusive marriage, twice. Her struggle through the court system in hopes of finding someone to help protect her and her daughters from her ex-husbands who refused to let go. Her fight to obtain and keep her restraining order three years in a row and finally learning who she could count on to protect her and her children.
Here All Along is an inspirational story of one woman's fight for freedom, her desire to protect her children and finding the strength to believe in herself.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir

130 pages, Paperback

First published November 17, 2009

About the author

Here All Along is one woman's struggle to leave an abusive marriage, twice. Her struggle through the court system in hopes of finding someone to help protect her and her daughters from her ex-husbands who refused to let go. Her fight to obtain and keep her restraining order three years in a row and finally learning who she could count on to protect her and her children. Here All Along is an inspirational story of one woman's fight for freedom, her desire to protect her children and finding the strength to believe in herself. No one should ever be abused by someone who says "I love you."

Reviews

[James · Rating 5 out of 5]

Working as I do at a conference and retreat center, I have made many friends who are involved with 12-Step groups. One meets addicts grappling with drink, with sex, with spending, with abusive relationships, with talking, to name a few, many of them with a long history of doing heavy lifting with their intellects in order to keep their heads above their emotional undertows. I have learned to admire these people greatly for their courage. The 12-Step programs encourage members to pull no punches. They must really dig down inside themselves to get to the emotional bedrock of their disquietudes. This might involve fessing up to parts of oneself that one would prefer to keep buried, such as one's role in perpetuating one's own suffering. It is the same sort of soul searching that one expects of an author, especially an author in a confessional genre, and Lori etches out the chronicle of her battle with abuse as if her fingernails were dipped in her own blood, revealing a remorseless emotional terrain she must cross over to arrive at her goal of self-understanding and liberation. Such honesty and mettle make her a worthy guide for others traveling such journeys.

[Jerry Travis · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's been said that what makes a truly great author is honesty. An author needs to be honest with their topic, honest with their characters, and above all, honest with themselves. Lori Newman excels in all three of these areas.

Sharing the details of her life was obviously painful for the author, but that pain comes across to us as well, in a powerful way. We feel her fear and confusion as the two men, who once professed that they loved her, join forces to do everything they can to destroy her sense of value, being loved and self-esteem – her very soul.

The latter half of the book mostly deals with her court battles. I thought this area might be boring. It turned out to be anything but. Astonishingly, Newman's skillful way of expressing herself continued to draw me into her plight, more so than I would have thought possible.

This book deals with a very poignant social issue. There are laws to protect people from physical and sexual abuse. Even so, they can be difficult to enforce and have various degrees of success protecting those who need it. However, there really are no laws, to speak of, that protect one from psychological abuse.

As psychological pain may be just as real and painful as physical pain, psychological abuse may be just as devastating as physical abuse. And yet, how can one escape from psychological abuse in a world that treats this social ill so lightly? That's what Newman's book is all about and why she has written it. This book is not only educational, but a very entertaining read as well. It certainly held my attention.

Newman’s book is also a warning for young women to be very careful about whom they entrust their hearts to. On the surface, there may appear to be very little difference between a “charismatic” individual and a narcissistic one. Indeed, people who have spent so much time polishing and refining the external expression of themselves, their “façade”, may be doing so to hide some very unpleasant things beneath it. And, of course, in the intimacy of marriage, this façade can’t be maintained for long.

A NOTE ABOUT THE KINDLE VERSION: I purchased this book as an ebook. In fact, if it weren’t for the Kindle Store's sampling feature, I probably wouldn't have decided to read it at all. On a topic like this, I was afraid that the book might just be someone's vengeful "spouting off" against their ex-husbands. We've all seen people like this, both male and female, who by lying to themselves and others try to pull everything around them, including the social institutions such as the justice system, into their own warped view of "reality". The sample convinced me that this was not the case with Newman.

There are two such individuals in the book, but they turn out to be her ex-husbands, not her. It is this very fact that empowers the justice system to work in Newman's favor. I'm often amazed that these sorts of people don't recognize that the very institutions they are trying to manipulate have to deal with people like them every day. I guess it all goes to show that you should never underestimate the ego of a narcissist! It is this very ego that the judges recognize, leading to the narcissist’s downfall. Nevertheless, this weakness may be very difficult for someone “under their spell” to recognize, and Newman provides many practical examples of how to break free from their influence.

The Kindle version has a few issues, but nothing that hindered my reading experience. The Table of Contents is inappropriately “wrapped” (it looks OK if you switch to “landscape” or the smallest available font on the Kindle 2), and occasionally you run into two words that have been joined together without a space between them. I recognize both of these aberrations as artifacts of the program(s) that converted the book into the Kindle format. Still, these are very little things and I certainly wouldn’t want to steer anyone away from the ebook on that basis. I’ve noticed there an earlier Kindle version (by a few days) of the book (same title and author) in the Kindle store. I don’t know what the difference is, but it’s probably better to purchase the later version (this version).

[Jen Knox · Rating 5 out of 5]

Recounting a true tale of survival is often difficult because life does not provide a clear story arc. Instead, it is filled with unexpected turns, and often one battle is followed by another. Yet, these stories of continuous battles are rarely told because they are rarely given a voice.

After recounting her harrowing, true tale of leaving not one but two abusive relationships, the reader gets an up-close look at what happens in the aftermath of abusive marriages. It is here, after the physical abuse, that Newman's fighting spirit becomes truly inspiring. The untold, under-realized narrative that recounts not only the hardship of abuse, but the lengthy aftermath an abused woman went through to reclaim her life is both educational and emotionally powerful. This is a must-read for all women; it's a tale told by a strong female narrator, who throws strong blows with tight prose and empowers not only herself but her readers.

[Stuart · Rating 5 out of 5]

Empowering & Courageous Story of Survival


Lori Newman’s memoir, ‘Here All Along’ is an emotion charged journey into the frightening world of abuse.

The story begins when Newman believing she has met her (true love) marries, looking forward to a beautiful life together. Sadly, this is not the case. What follows is a disturbing insight into living your life while being controlled by an abusive, narcissistic husband.

The author doesn’t pull her punches as she brilliantly describes how she finds the courage to leave this individual with her young daughter. Her struggles are far from over. We are taken into the often bitter world of court room child custody battles. As a reader I found myself cheering along with Newman as she faces each battle and wins.

Newman meets a new man who said, “I love you” and promised to take care of them both. Believing she had found (true love) they marry. The man soon reveals himself to be another narcissistic! They have a beautiful baby girl together who she adores. Now with two wonderful girls to protect, she musters up the strength and courage to escape the continuous abuse. We are given a window into the survival mechanisms of a young woman’s love for her children.

The author faces the court room system for the second time. “Here All Along” is a powerful (true) story that should be read by everyone in need of inspiration to make a change for a better life.

[Pamela · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a definite 5 star read. The Author Lori Newman shared in such a courageous manner the process of enduring heart brake and struggle to gain victory over tremendous obstacles. She demonstrated the professionalism that was necessary to gain an audience w/in the legal system. I was very impressed with her stamina to elicit a well deserved victory.
Thank you Lori for showing others that it's not impossible, especially when you believe.

[Nikki Crick · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read quite a lot of excerpts from this book as it was being written; but they did not prepare me for the emotional impact this book would have on me! There were tears of despair, frustration, anger and laughter.

Here All Along is an inspirational story of one woman's fight for freedom, her desire to protect her children and finding the strength to believe in herself.

Here All Along catalogues the series of errors and difficulties that Lori faced as she fought for her freedom from two abusive relationships. The fight to stay sane, stay healthy for herself and her two children, and protect them all.

Lori is a truly amazing women, struggling for what she believes in, and for what is right and just.


The book is about hope, friendship, trust and love. Not in a chocolate box fairytale, but in a truly heart wrenching honest and brutal way.


The book is written with warmth and humour, even through some of the darkest days, I hope many people never have to suffer.


It draws you in, you warm to Lori straight away, as she describes her marriages and her desire to be loved, and you want her to fight the system, protecting herself and beautiful children, and ultimately win the fight that continues to plague this amazing family for years.


I guarantee you will flinch at some of the the book's harder to read parts, but laugh uncontrollably at others.


Either way, whether you wince, flinch, laugh, cry or quietly hear your heart break, you will be affected by this book.


The writing style and approach reminds me of Jodi Picoult. The way that you can hear the effects of the abuse ripple through the marriages, family and community.


Lori writes with truth and passion, and delivers a punch!


I hope this book inspires woman (who may or may not be in similar circumstances at some point in their lives) to continue to believe in themselves and not give up.


Please read it yourselves, buy it for every woman in your lives, mothers, sisters, aunts, friends, and help highlight the struggle women face everyday and show people that there is strength out there.


A true story written by a true survivor and heroine.

[Donna Carrick · Rating 5 out of 5]

Here All Along ~ by Lori Newman, reviewed by Donna Carrick December 12, 2009

Here All Along is a courageous true-life account by first-time author Lori Newman of what it’s like to endure and survive the end of 2 unhappy marriages. Told in an unpretentious narrative, the author shares first-hand experiences of abuse, divorce, stalking, and the often-disappointing legal system that sometimes fails to protect those most in need.

This is an honest and at times brutally glaring study of the internal dialogue that can drive some of us to remain ‘victims’. For anyone struggling to find the strength and stop looking to outside influences for guidance and protection, this book will be an eye-opener. As the title suggests, if we are only willing to stand still for a moment we will often discover that inner strength was “Here All Along”.

Ms. Newman’s story will be an inspiration to others who find themselves in a similar plight – both men and women who may be struggling to find their own “centre of being” and the courage to build a better life for themselves and their children.

A well-articulated first novel – the story moves along without any of the major roadblocks you often see in a first work. Worth reading!

[Sharon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lori Newman's story of battling two abusive former spouses (who eventually collude against her), the court system and her own self-esteem issues is poignant and gritty.

This memoir may be triggering for women who (like me) have survived domestic violence. Lori's description of the stalking, the nerve-shattering psychological and verbal abuse, and two men using her children as weapons against her (this is, sadly, fairly common) puts you right in the room with her.

Ultimately, this is a tale of tremendous courage and inner spirit. I am humbled by the strength that Lori showed in sharing her story with the world.

[Maria · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have worked as a lawyer representing victims of domestic violence in the past, and have friends who have been through this trauma, so nothing in this book was necessarily new to me. However, it cannot be stressed enough how important this subject is. Women (and some men) suffer years, decades, lifetimes, in abusive relationships, because they are so broken down by their partner and do not have faith in the justice system that is supposed to be there to help them. It is a very common social problem and when survivors like Lori Newman speak out, we need to make sure they are heard.
Lori shows in this memoir how she was able to get out of, not one, but two, abusive relationships, even though she had lost all her self-confidence, and was badly treated not only by her ex-husbands, but by the police and court system. The whole justice system, that was supposed to be able to support her, and keep her safe, let her down; but by finding the strength inside herself to fight on, with faith, she was able to help herself and her daughters.
Lori's message, 'You are stronger than you know', is a very powerful one. She has related her story well, with emotion and passion. She has shown how, by someone's actions and words they can break a person's spirit, and she is an inspiration to us all because she was able to find courage within herself to face her greatest fears and come out on top.
I believe this book would be invaluable to anyone who is suffering, or has ever suffered at the hands of an abusive partner. It contains a lot of good advice, and positive, motivational stories. It is also a useful book for anyone going through adversity in their life, as Lori has written about a time in her life when she was at her lowest.
Everyone should read this book. It's so important that victims are given a voice in this subject, which is, unfortunately, usually swept under the carpet.

[Kristen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have the pleasure of reading Ms. Newman's memoir she shared with me in the ebook version. In her book, she described her struggling for finding Mr. Right, when it ended up in an abusive marriage. She endured a lot of pain and heartache, especially how he treated her and her daughter. For ten years, she survived and struggled, until she broke free and got out of it. But it didn't end there. She thought she found someone to protect her, when she married another Mr. Wrong. And this time, she got out of this one quick, when she protected her second daughter from his onslaught of threats, and how she fought the law to protect them from the bottom of her heart. She survived and got stronger to the woman she is today; she's a true survivor who learned through her lessons of life, and how she became a winner in the end. This memoir is for everyone who needs a heroine and to teach us to have confidence and faith in the long run.

[Shalonda Williams-Lynard · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't know if most people know that writing is a healing agent. Thank you Lori for taking us on a journey that was a huge part of your healing process.

Abuse in any form is hard. I congratulate Lori on gathering the strength to write such a ministering story. She made it out of a couple of relationships that could have broken her, but guess what... God said NOT SO!

A true mother is every sense of the word. Not just the one that bore those girls, but she loved them so much that she stood for them. Yeah, real love is powerful and empowering.

In "Here All Along" we got to truly see how a person can rise from hurt and manipulation and see their true selves. And, if she doesn't quite see it yet, she is well on her way to seeing the big-ness within.

I truly enjoyed this story and I am glad to have been able to read it. It took courage to even write it.

[Patty Sherry · Rating 5 out of 5]

Here All Along is a memoir with a message: The importance of self-love. I read this book in one night. Lori has an uncanny way of bringing you into her mind and her world. With each turn of the page I could not wait to read what would happen next.

This is a must read for any woman. Lori painfully deals with not one, but two failed marriages and the aftermath of a bitter divorce. These marriages, and the court battles Lori endured became her biggest catalyst for her discover what was within her all along: her inner strength and self-love.

[Cynthia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have so much respect for this woman. She not only overcame too many obstacles to count, but she did it with dignity and grace.

Her writing is to the point and still carries heartfelt words. The readability of this book is quick and easy. But the story is riveting and heartbreaking.

[Reed · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have come to know Lori a little bit via internet correspondence. She is a delightful person and I am better for the relationship. In this book she tells her story. It is one of courage and determination. I read her book the same day it came in the mail and did it in one sitting because first, the book is short enough you can read it in a couple of hours and second I was compelled to keep turning the pages. The message is timely for our society. It's about an everday real person doing what she has to do in the face of tall odds. I love the underdog. This is a story that I could easily see showing up one day in a Lifetime Channel made for TV movie. Nicely done, Lori and congratulations!

[Lori Finnila · Rating 5 out of 5]

I want to thank Lori Newman, and anyone else who is in doubt needs to read this book, for making me feel that a very bad relationship that I was in at its worst brinks when I left, I know now I did the right thing where I had questioned all these years for all the abuse I had suffered at others hands since. Now after reading your book I know I did the right thing and I have a final peace to that.

[Chris Bullock · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was shocked and amazed by this story, and doubly so when similar problems occurred a second time. It certainly made me think - not only how cruel and vicious some people can be, but most importantly how an individuals strength and tenacity can win through.
Thanks for sharing these experiences.

[ma boo · Rating 5 out of 5]

yes

[Cheryl]

Picked up from a Goodreads ad. Looks interesting!

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

An inspiration...a must read!

[Tracy Oliphant · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this short book....

[Suep · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lori's personal account of two abusive marriages and some of the effects on the children. Basic, text book, story of abuse- very sad.