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Ian Roberts: Finding Out
When Paul [Freeman] and I first seriously discussed doing a book about my life, I knew there was a story to tell, but I wasn't sure I'd be able to be open enough to tell it properly. It's been quite a process of emotional exploration and self-assessment. I've learned a lot about myself through the grillings Paul gave me, and through thinking about the journey I have been on so far.Many opportunities came my way during much of that journey, such as rugby league, which I didn't seem to have the capacity to enjoy properly. Whenever something was happening in my life that was positive, there always seemed to be a negative overshadowing it, stopping me from being content. In particular, there have been a couple of major disasters that were real eye-openers for me, and which nearly destroyed me financially and emotionally. In the end, though, I was pointed in the right direction by these challenges, towards truth. People and events in my life were like pointers. Although knowing him was immensely painful in the end, Blake showed me what strength and endurance through pain and prejudice really was. Without the love of people like him, I wouldn't be who I am today, and I certainly wouldn't be having my story told.It took me too long a time to realised that if I had the courage to really like who I was, everything else would fall into place, and I wouldn't keep inviting disaster to happen. I now know that, in the end, whether directly or indirectly, each of us is responsible for a lot of what happens in our life, good and bad, and that it is up to each of us to take control, even when the odds against us seem too great.It took me too long to realise that I was weighed down by a burden that I shouldn't have had to carry, a problem that wasn't really my problem. I hope that by telling my story I can prevent someone else having to carry this unnecessary burden for too long. I hope it is of help to some kids out there punishing themselves, then they should really be celebrating their lives with as much esteem as everyone else.Looking back over my life, while doing the book, I realise that obviously not everyone will be as lucky as I have been to have the support and love of a good family to get them through things. But not everyone, thankfully, has their life scrutinised under a microscope. When people always say to me, 'Its been easier for you to come out because of who you are, but I could never do it in my situation,' I laugh to myself and say to them, 'Look, believe me, if I can do it, anyone can!' So I also hope that my story will inspire those sorts of people-especially the people who think their high profile and responsibilities prevent them, because they don't!-to stand up and provide the gay role models that future generations of Australian truly and obviously need.
- GenresNonfictionGay
Paperback
First published January 1, 1997
2 people are currently reading
52 people want to read
About the author
Paul Freeman
47 books17 followersBest known for his series of photographic monographs on the nude male, Paul Freeman's nude portraits of sports stars, Olympians and actors appeared between 1995 and 2005 in Studio Magazines' '(not only) Black And White', '(not only) Sport' and 'Blue', and in their books The Sydney Dream (2000), 'The Athen's Dream' (2004), and 'Sportbook' (2003)
In 1996 Paul wrote the best-selling biography of footballer Ian Roberts, ('Ian Roberts: Finding Out', Random House 1997).
His first monograph, 'Bondi Classic', was published to critical acclaim in 2003, and was followed by 'Bondi Urban' (2005), 'Bondi Work' (2006) and 'Bondi Road' (2007). This best-selling series, which takes its' name from Sydney's most iconic suburban beach, observes the contemporary young Australian urban male at home, at work and at play.
Equally successful has been Paul's Outback series, which uses the Australian bush and its' changing moods to explore Paul's male aesthetic, and to style and weather his subjects, varying thematic focus in each of 'Outback' ( 2008) ,' Outback Currawong Creek' (2009) , 'Outback Brumby' (2010), and 'Outback Bushmen' (2012).' Outback Dusk' has just been released.
His 2011 and 2013 books 'Heroics' and' Heroics II' are an exploration of the neo-classic nude male referencing sculpture and painting in Western European art, and even surrealist film interpretations. This work comments on attitudes to the naked male in public and art by juxtaposing our collective artistic heritage with contemporary reality and male physiques.
Many of Paul's books are available from Amazon.
Paul has made his mark in fashion and advertising, with international awards, from Cannes Lions to Clios, to his name.
He has a university degree in Arts, and studied photography at the Australian Centre For Photography in Sydney.
The New York Times art critic Robert Hughes' featured Paul's work in his 2000 documentary series Australia: Beyond The Fatal Shore.
Please go to paulfreeman.com.au for more information.
In 1996 Paul wrote the best-selling biography of footballer Ian Roberts, ('Ian Roberts: Finding Out', Random House 1997).
His first monograph, 'Bondi Classic', was published to critical acclaim in 2003, and was followed by 'Bondi Urban' (2005), 'Bondi Work' (2006) and 'Bondi Road' (2007). This best-selling series, which takes its' name from Sydney's most iconic suburban beach, observes the contemporary young Australian urban male at home, at work and at play.
Equally successful has been Paul's Outback series, which uses the Australian bush and its' changing moods to explore Paul's male aesthetic, and to style and weather his subjects, varying thematic focus in each of 'Outback' ( 2008) ,' Outback Currawong Creek' (2009) , 'Outback Brumby' (2010), and 'Outback Bushmen' (2012).' Outback Dusk' has just been released.
His 2011 and 2013 books 'Heroics' and' Heroics II' are an exploration of the neo-classic nude male referencing sculpture and painting in Western European art, and even surrealist film interpretations. This work comments on attitudes to the naked male in public and art by juxtaposing our collective artistic heritage with contemporary reality and male physiques.
Many of Paul's books are available from Amazon.
Paul has made his mark in fashion and advertising, with international awards, from Cannes Lions to Clios, to his name.
He has a university degree in Arts, and studied photography at the Australian Centre For Photography in Sydney.
The New York Times art critic Robert Hughes' featured Paul's work in his 2000 documentary series Australia: Beyond The Fatal Shore.
Please go to paulfreeman.com.au for more information.
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
August 18, 2014
I found Ian Roberts’ biography a fascinating read on a number of levels. It helped that I had watched a lot of rugby league (on TV) during Ian's playing days and was familiar with many of the people and circumstances mentioned eg George Piggins, the Manly ARL machine, Bob Fulton, Mario Fenech, and anyone who saw Terry Hill on the Footy Show would understand why this zany but accepting personality helped Ian during a critical period of his life.
For those who weren't alive during that era or don't live in Australia, the book will not resonate as much. It definitely helped having an appreciation of the way the whole ARL machine operated back then and the way players were expected to do so much out of loyalty.
It also helps seeing these players now and discovering how their health has been affected by the abuse their bodies took, pushing themselves to play when they shouldn't have out of this force fed mantra about loyalty to the fans who were very quick to turn on the players when they left to go to a different club or, in Ian's case, were discovered to be gay.
I hadn't known of Ian's childhood bouts of epilepsy. Was it because he started playing football at such an early age? But then again I know of cases where similar symptoms were caused by the use of forceps and other head traumas during delivery, so who knows why they occurred. Like many children who have these intermittent seizures, Ian grew out of them as a teenager.
You get the picture of the class clown. The kid who never did what he was told. Who liked testing himself and hated being confined. Yet paradoxically, the kid who didn’t want to hurt anyone, who was quick to jump to the defence of anybody he felt threatened, particularly if they couldn't stand up for themselves. Most of the on-field brawls can be linked to him sticking up for his smaller mates.
Ian has a great capacity to care for people. Particularly those not physically strong. He wasn’t just your typical pro-athlete visiting the kids’ hospital for PR machine photos. But growing close to terminally ill children took its toll on him at an age when he had many other stresses in his life.
Not that he shouldn’t have done it. Telling him not to go, wouldn’t have worked. It never did before. But it's a shame he didn’t have people around him who could help him deal with the heartache that inevitably occurred. Loving and losing helped him become the man he is today. But it wouldn’t have been easy.
It’s a shame professional counseling wasn’t and still isn’t more prevalent in Australia. At another point in the story, the author discusses the concept of masochism. Both physical and emotional. There is often a tendency to be like that when we don’t believe we deserve better.
I’ve come across this belief a lot in gay men who lived through that intensely homophobic era. Society reviled them, so many of them took this to heart. Not understanding that these hurtful comments reflected more about the person who said them, than the recipient of their abuse.
The author did a good job of showing the reality of what it was like to be gay in those days. He discusses the whole concept of a "gay community" which really only ever had substance when there was a shared enemy. The rest of the time, Ian sometimes faced as much vitriol from other gay people as he did from the homophobes in the wider community.
It must have been galling, knowing of other first grade players who were gay but offered him little or no support.
Funnily enough, the part I found most disturbing was the way he was sucked into investing his money and encouraged to convince his friends and family into investing in get rich quick schemes by unscrupulous con men. Where was the advice? The experience? How could a guy who was in his early twenties and the proud recipient of a contract worth hundreds of thousands of dollars be expected to know that there were sharks out there just looking for suckers like him. Sometimes, it's hard for people who are basicually honest to understand that other poeople aren't.
The most telling aspect that the author picked up on was Ian's desire to please and be seen to be successful and a Good Son. Given that he knew from an early age that he preferred men, he always felt he had to prove his worth in other ways.
Be tougher, be fitter, be more "masculine".
Because of his conviction that he wouldn't be loved for who he was, he dieted, exercised, played to extremes to overcome this feeling of "wrongness".
I well remember his "cutting the player in half" tackles, the groin strains, the on field biffo. A lot grew out of frustration and pushing himself to appear to be tough and to live up to what he felt was expected of him. The other was looking after those not as tough as he was.
His "coming out" is not the main part of the story. It was more showing why he felt he couldn't come out because for years before he was petrified that people would find out. All the time living as a gay man and frequenting dance clubs in Oxford Street. What business was his sexuality to the fans, the officials, even his parents who had told him in no uncertain terms how terrible poofs were? What could he say when his mentors advised against it? Or said how "disappointed" in him they would be if it were true. What sort of message is that to convey to anybody?
The book was published a couple of years before the end of Ian's playing career. His injuries would continue to dog him. He now claims that the amount of times he was severely concussed (and often returned to the field) has led to brain damage.
I feel for him. Too many top sportspeople are almost cripples by the time they finish their careers and many are not financially secure thanks to investments gone wrong, medical costs or other problems. But what training did they get to help them deal with the loss of attention, the money? Promises of jobs and being "looked after" that were never realistic. This lack of adequate transition from stressful careers either in sport, politics, showbusiness or even the armed forces concerns me. The public, the media and even the government uses these people then leaves them to flounder after.
There are lots of quotes from the media in the book. Often illustrating how the press used players and situations to sell papers or get ratings without any care or thought about what they said or did. Lionising an athlete so that he became a target of both opposition players and fans then turning around and publishing negative articles adds another stress to an already embattled individual. Particularly if they are always (consciously or not) seeking approval because of an underlying fear of lack of worth.
From what I can see, Ian seems to be more settled emotionally now and is trying to carve out a career in acting. His audition videos on Youtube suggest he has some ability in that direction.
Because let's face it, he was acting a part for years.
It is also interesting to note that in the nearly twenty years since, only a handful of female Australian elite athletes and a couple of males (Daniel Kowalski and Matthew Mitcham) have come out. No wonder guys like Ian Thorpe were so reluctant to admit they are gay. And, other than Ian Roberts, note the complete dearth of guys in the more homophobic sports in Australia admitting they are gay. It still takes a brave person to out themselves.
One passage which dealt with that aspect centred around an LGBT group who wanted to "out" public people. As the author states, it's all very well for individuals to do this when they are only exposed to family, friends and workmates. They have no idea what that is like for people who the public feel they own.
Admittedly, Ian received hundreds, possibly thousands of messages and letters of support from the wider community and gave the courage to other gay men to follow his example. But there were still the bastards who spilled out vitriol to him and his family.
His lasting legacy is that he forever quashed the notion that gay men are all the same. He resisted strongly when another LGBT group tried to get him to wear drag in a show. His point all along was that he was a man who preferred men. At one stage, he is quoted as saying it's a shame that being "masculine" or "feminine" is defined by such narrow terms.
I'm not sure how easy it is to find this book, but if you lived through that era or have an interest in league and why professional sportspeople and public figures are in the closet, then it's worth checking it out.
For those who weren't alive during that era or don't live in Australia, the book will not resonate as much. It definitely helped having an appreciation of the way the whole ARL machine operated back then and the way players were expected to do so much out of loyalty.
It also helps seeing these players now and discovering how their health has been affected by the abuse their bodies took, pushing themselves to play when they shouldn't have out of this force fed mantra about loyalty to the fans who were very quick to turn on the players when they left to go to a different club or, in Ian's case, were discovered to be gay.
I hadn't known of Ian's childhood bouts of epilepsy. Was it because he started playing football at such an early age? But then again I know of cases where similar symptoms were caused by the use of forceps and other head traumas during delivery, so who knows why they occurred. Like many children who have these intermittent seizures, Ian grew out of them as a teenager.
You get the picture of the class clown. The kid who never did what he was told. Who liked testing himself and hated being confined. Yet paradoxically, the kid who didn’t want to hurt anyone, who was quick to jump to the defence of anybody he felt threatened, particularly if they couldn't stand up for themselves. Most of the on-field brawls can be linked to him sticking up for his smaller mates.
Ian has a great capacity to care for people. Particularly those not physically strong. He wasn’t just your typical pro-athlete visiting the kids’ hospital for PR machine photos. But growing close to terminally ill children took its toll on him at an age when he had many other stresses in his life.
Not that he shouldn’t have done it. Telling him not to go, wouldn’t have worked. It never did before. But it's a shame he didn’t have people around him who could help him deal with the heartache that inevitably occurred. Loving and losing helped him become the man he is today. But it wouldn’t have been easy.
It’s a shame professional counseling wasn’t and still isn’t more prevalent in Australia. At another point in the story, the author discusses the concept of masochism. Both physical and emotional. There is often a tendency to be like that when we don’t believe we deserve better.
I’ve come across this belief a lot in gay men who lived through that intensely homophobic era. Society reviled them, so many of them took this to heart. Not understanding that these hurtful comments reflected more about the person who said them, than the recipient of their abuse.
The author did a good job of showing the reality of what it was like to be gay in those days. He discusses the whole concept of a "gay community" which really only ever had substance when there was a shared enemy. The rest of the time, Ian sometimes faced as much vitriol from other gay people as he did from the homophobes in the wider community.
It must have been galling, knowing of other first grade players who were gay but offered him little or no support.
Funnily enough, the part I found most disturbing was the way he was sucked into investing his money and encouraged to convince his friends and family into investing in get rich quick schemes by unscrupulous con men. Where was the advice? The experience? How could a guy who was in his early twenties and the proud recipient of a contract worth hundreds of thousands of dollars be expected to know that there were sharks out there just looking for suckers like him. Sometimes, it's hard for people who are basicually honest to understand that other poeople aren't.
The most telling aspect that the author picked up on was Ian's desire to please and be seen to be successful and a Good Son. Given that he knew from an early age that he preferred men, he always felt he had to prove his worth in other ways.
Be tougher, be fitter, be more "masculine".
Because of his conviction that he wouldn't be loved for who he was, he dieted, exercised, played to extremes to overcome this feeling of "wrongness".
I well remember his "cutting the player in half" tackles, the groin strains, the on field biffo. A lot grew out of frustration and pushing himself to appear to be tough and to live up to what he felt was expected of him. The other was looking after those not as tough as he was.
His "coming out" is not the main part of the story. It was more showing why he felt he couldn't come out because for years before he was petrified that people would find out. All the time living as a gay man and frequenting dance clubs in Oxford Street. What business was his sexuality to the fans, the officials, even his parents who had told him in no uncertain terms how terrible poofs were? What could he say when his mentors advised against it? Or said how "disappointed" in him they would be if it were true. What sort of message is that to convey to anybody?
The book was published a couple of years before the end of Ian's playing career. His injuries would continue to dog him. He now claims that the amount of times he was severely concussed (and often returned to the field) has led to brain damage.
I feel for him. Too many top sportspeople are almost cripples by the time they finish their careers and many are not financially secure thanks to investments gone wrong, medical costs or other problems. But what training did they get to help them deal with the loss of attention, the money? Promises of jobs and being "looked after" that were never realistic. This lack of adequate transition from stressful careers either in sport, politics, showbusiness or even the armed forces concerns me. The public, the media and even the government uses these people then leaves them to flounder after.
There are lots of quotes from the media in the book. Often illustrating how the press used players and situations to sell papers or get ratings without any care or thought about what they said or did. Lionising an athlete so that he became a target of both opposition players and fans then turning around and publishing negative articles adds another stress to an already embattled individual. Particularly if they are always (consciously or not) seeking approval because of an underlying fear of lack of worth.
From what I can see, Ian seems to be more settled emotionally now and is trying to carve out a career in acting. His audition videos on Youtube suggest he has some ability in that direction.
Because let's face it, he was acting a part for years.
It is also interesting to note that in the nearly twenty years since, only a handful of female Australian elite athletes and a couple of males (Daniel Kowalski and Matthew Mitcham) have come out. No wonder guys like Ian Thorpe were so reluctant to admit they are gay. And, other than Ian Roberts, note the complete dearth of guys in the more homophobic sports in Australia admitting they are gay. It still takes a brave person to out themselves.
One passage which dealt with that aspect centred around an LGBT group who wanted to "out" public people. As the author states, it's all very well for individuals to do this when they are only exposed to family, friends and workmates. They have no idea what that is like for people who the public feel they own.
Admittedly, Ian received hundreds, possibly thousands of messages and letters of support from the wider community and gave the courage to other gay men to follow his example. But there were still the bastards who spilled out vitriol to him and his family.
His lasting legacy is that he forever quashed the notion that gay men are all the same. He resisted strongly when another LGBT group tried to get him to wear drag in a show. His point all along was that he was a man who preferred men. At one stage, he is quoted as saying it's a shame that being "masculine" or "feminine" is defined by such narrow terms.
I'm not sure how easy it is to find this book, but if you lived through that era or have an interest in league and why professional sportspeople and public figures are in the closet, then it's worth checking it out.
May 23, 2021
Oy. What a drudge of a book. I was looking forward to reading this because Ian Roberts was born the same year as me and I thought it would be interesting to read his experience of being gay, especially as a rugby player. But the book is poorly written, and there is a feeling of homophobia hanging over the book, even though it is supposed to be gay positive and written by a gay author. Roberts doesn’t come out looking like a hero as much as someone who was forced to come out and finally accepted it. His supposedly accepting parents come off poorly as well, especially his mother. Ok, the book is 25 years old now and a product of its time. But I can’t recommend it today.
July 29, 2025
Des Hasler, Cliff Lyons, Rex Mossop, Steve Menzies and now Ian Roberts: Finding Out by Paul Freeman. Roberts was not such a long-term Manly clubman as the other four. He was at Manly for only five years, and some of that time lost through injury (contributed to by over-training) and standing down over Super League. In the wider community Roberts is known more for his “coming out” as gay - rather than his football: a South Sydney junior, played State of Origin and toured Great Britain and New Zealand with the Kangaroos. He left South Sydney (to go to Manly) and Manly (to go to Super League) for increases in salary. He lost some of that salary in shady deals with shady people. There is insight into the machinations of rugby league administration. However most of the book covers his life as a gay – from initial awareness as a child, through years of dealing with his family, friends, footballers and the public, to the consequences of his “coming out.” Roberts can take credit for being the first prominent gay sports person brave enough to “come out.” Terry Hill (who I always thought a bit of a ratbag) plays a major role in helping Roberts over a period of years. Author Freeman conducts interviews and quotes numerous journalists. The interviews are word-for-word - inverted commas inside inverted commas can be confusing. A list of these interviewees would have helped. For me, Roberts remains something of an enigma – he has a violent streak – but before reading this book I respected him for his contribution to the gay cause. After reading the book that respect has morphed into admiration. (And I always thought he was a good rugby league player).
December 31, 2022
Another honest biography of a sporting star. This book had a lot more depth then most sporting biographies with him coming out as being gay a great step forward. A lot of courage in this book and there were no punches pulled on a number of levels.
October 2, 2014
Awesome read. Gave a great insight into what it was like to grow up gay in the midst of the aids epidemic in the 80's and 90's. Also lets you into the world of sport and what it is like to be at the top of your field and terrified of losing everything because of the homophobia that was and still probably is rife in sport today. All in all a great book about one of the best & bravest men in sports. Ever!
February 3, 2021
Ian roberts openly supports punishment for anyone who has a different opinion than his. He calls for stripping of Honours given to the likes of Margaret Court and Israel Folau. Perhaps he would like them to all be rounded up and put into camps.....reminiscent of Nazi Germany?
October 12, 2013
I'm not a big fan of Rugby so some of the early chapters were difficult for me to digest but I did find his journey of coming out interesting.
February 25, 2015
It's unbelievable that in the twenty years since this book was written, not one more NRL player has come out and there are still no out players in the AFL. Has anything changed?
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews