Resident Alien: Quentin Crisp explains it all

by Tim Fountain

From his overcrowded and famously filthy East Village apartment, England's most famous ex-pat wit is waiting to tell you how to be happy.

As he awaits the arrival of the mysterious Mr Brown and Mr Black, the 91-year-old Professor of Style expounds his own unique vision of the world. He gives us his personal recipe for self-fulfilment as he dissects life, the twentieth century and subjects as diverse as Princess Diana, Oprah Winfrey and oral sex.

'Never try to keep up with the Jones's. Drag them down to your level - it's cheaper.'

Based on the life and writings of Quentin Crisp, 'Resident Alien' was first staged at the Bush Theatre, London, where Crisp was played by Bette Bourne. The show subsequently opened at the New York Theatre Workshop, where Bette Borne was awarded an OBIE for his performance.

'Resident Alien turns a solitary man into a singular entertainment.'
- Time Out

'The great majority of this absorbing monologue consists of Crisp’s own words ... wisely Fountain doesn’t attempt any trudge through the life story ... Instead, Crisp treats us to his views on television, oral sex, the nature of style and the secret of happiness.' - Daily Telegraph

225 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1999

About the author

Tim Fountain is an author, playwright and occasional performer. His books include the number 1 best selling ibook Rude Britannia (Weidenfeld and Nicholson), Quentin Crisp: a biography (Absolute Press) and So you want to be a playwright? (Nick Hern Books). He is currently working on his first novel.

His plays include Queen of the Nile (Hull Truck) Dandy in the Underworld (Soho Theatre) Sex Addict (Royal Court and Schaubuehne, Berlin) Resident Alien (Bush and New York Theatre Workshop, also broadcast on BBC Radio 3), Julie Burchill Is Away, Hotboi and How To Lose Friends and Alienate People (Soho Theatre) featuring such actors as Jack Davenport, Bette Bourne, Jackie Clune, and Con O Neil. He has also written for television and radio and was a principal writer on Bob and Margaret (Channel Four/Comedy Central, USA).

Tim has also written journalism for amongst others the Guardian, Daily Mail, Sunday Times, Scotsman, Scotland on Sunday, New Statesman and Attitude magazine.

An regular broadcaster Tim has appeared on Newsnight, Women’s Hour, Saturday Review and Loose Ends on BBC Radio Four and Weekender on BBC Radio 2. He has also presented a documentary about the death of Quentin Crisp for Channel Four and featured in the BBC 2 documentaries Circumcise Me and Am I Normal?

Tim is also a teacher of playwriting and has tutored for numerous organizations including The Central School of Speech and Drama, The Arvon Foundation and MIT in the USA. He was Literary Manager of the Bush Theatre from 1997 - 2001 and a lecturer in creative writing at Strathclyde University from 2006-2009.

Reviews

[George Ilsley · Rating 4 out of 5]

“If there is a heaven for homosexuals, which doesn’t seem very likely, it will be very poorly lit and full of people they can feel pretty confident they’ll never have to meet again.”

Born in 1908, Quentin Crisp made many outrageous comments which today might seem mean spirited or heartless. You can blame it on internalized homophobia, and view his voice as the culmination of his life experiences, many of which were traumatizing.

This play, based on his diary, was developed when Crisp was about 90. “I don’t say things to be liked,” he explained, “I say them because I mean them.”

Refreshing, revolting, amusing and disturbing. It is truly amazing how long ago 1998 feels like.

[Gerry · Rating 3 out of 5]

Born on Christmas Day 1908 in Sutton, London, England, Quentin Crisp became a celebrity following a radio interview after which he was invited to write his autobiography, 'The Naked Civil Servant', which appeared in 1968. He became a resident of the United States in 1981 and vowed never to leave New York City. He didn't and died there in 1999, just as a production of 'Resident Alien' reached the stage.

In the said 'Resident Alien' Quentin, played by Bette Bourne, expounds his own unique vision of the world, giving us his views on subjects as diverse as cleaning the house, Princess Diana, Oprah Winfrey and, dare I say it, oral sex plus many other subjects.

I do admire his beliefs on cleaning, because dust once dismissed does appear again and the effort removing does seem a waste of time. However, I find it difficult to accept the four inches of dust that he allows to gather in his 'tiny and filthy' room, which is littered with piles of papers, books and various other objects all over the floor. In addition his 'bottles of make-up and numerous other dubious looking potions' cover a chest of drawers.

The play opens, Quentin awaiting the arrival of two mysterious gentlemen, Messrs Brown and Black, with the television blaring away and Oprah Winfrey on the screen. It prompts Quentin to say in this entertaining soliloquy, '... I admire her hugely ... she came from absolutely nothing but now we don't just get her in the late morning but we get her in the afternoon and in the middle of the night too, embracing a lot of squishy women ... It used to be thought that you had to have talent in order to achieve fame but television has changed all that.'

He is rather scathing on Princess Diana, 'I thought Princess Diana was trash and got what she deserved. She was Lady Diana before she was Princess Diana so she knew the racket. She knew that Royal Marriages have nothing to do with love.' He felt that through this statement 'I lost the love of all the homosexual men in America in a single night.'

He points to a pile of correspondence and says, 'I have become a kind of mail-order guru', speaks of Joan Crawford, 'she rose from rags to riches', explains why he continues to work at age 90, 'I need the money', and extols the virtues of Mrs Snatcher, as he calls Mrs Thatcher, 'When I lived in England my old age was taken care of by Mrs Snatcher. When the day came when I could no longer see or hear or walk she would spread her iron wings over me ... I thought and still think she was a star and I repeatedly said so [in a recorded interview]'. After that a young woman tackled him and told him 'I hope you realise you gave all the wrong answers. You are supposed to be against Mrs Thatcher.' His view was, 'I was obviously expected to take politics seriously - I never have', adding, 'Of course if I had been born in China, Russia or Cuba I would have been shot.'

There are opinions on Oscar Wilde, Henry Moore and others but the overriding feeling that comes across is Quentin's view of himself when speaking of his agent's comments on his lifestyle, 'He doesn't understand I've gone into the fame business. He tells me that I can't just 'do' fame, but I can. For 60 years the 'phone never rang. Now it rings every day.'

'Resident Alien' presents a unique, and from what we know of Quentin, an entirely representative portrayal of one of England's quirkiest characters and one of the most unusual exports to the USA.

[John Wiles · Rating 5 out of 5]

A laugh, Quentin does explain it all !