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Echoes: The Stories of Men Overcoming Sexual Trauma
As a deeply authentic and heartfelt collection of harrowing true stories and reflections on sexual trauma, Echoes is a powerful anthology that seeks to shed light on the painful reality faced by male survivors of sexual abuse, along with the lasting mental and emotional scars that so many men carry with them. Told with a raw and gritty tone, this collection draws on the experiences of men from all walks of life, illuminating their silent struggle and the destructive impact that it has on their lives and relationships. Compiling dozens of poignant real-life accounts, this ground-breaking book will open the hearts and minds of readers, offering male survivors a safe place to find solace from their pain and begin building a roadmap on their journey to wholeness. Whether you’re a parent worried about their sons, a spouse who wants to open up and understand the hidden pain of their male partner, or if you’re a male survivor of sexual abuse searching for answers and kinship, Echoes balances the painful truths of sexual violence with an underlying message of hope, healing, and a path to recovery. As a must-read for anybody interested in hearing the untold stories of male sexual abuse survivors, Echoes encourages you to listen to their pain and reshape your views around this often-overlooked topic, stripping away the shame and silence so that more survivors can find the courage to come forward.
154 pages, Paperback
Published April 8, 2022
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5 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
February 2, 2023
First, I want to say that every victim has their own story, beliefs and experiences and they're valid in their own right. My review is coming from from personal experiences including being a multiple time survivor of sexual assault, in addition to my professional experience as a Sexual Assault Victim Advocate. My review is reflective of my time working with survivors and going through hundreds, if not thousands, of hours of training and learning about trauma-informed care, healing and being extensively involved in the court system. Does this mean I know everything? Absolutely not. Learning is non-stop and I've extremely passionate about it - which is why I read books like this.
First, I felt that this book was extensively geared towards male victims that have always been Christian or have "found God" through their suffering and healing. I wish this was something that was explained in the details of the book. I absolutely believe that there is healing in those beliefs and some survivors base their healing in faith. There is nothing wrong with that, however there is a huge population that does not feel that way and need to hear that Christianity is not necessary for healing. Again, every survivor has their own journey.
Second, I acknowledge that this book is specifically reflective of male survivors and the specific barriers they face in regards to society pushing ridiculous definitions of masculinity such as being "tough" or having a lack of emotions and not talking about feelings. However, I believe there are several statements throughout the book that come across as saying that male victimization is harder than female victimization or portray the men have it worse when it comes to being a survivor. The book tends to paint women survivors in a light of being emotionally unstable while men have "real issues" due to societal norms. This is an extremely harmful message, even if unintentional. Traumas should NEVER be compared. Our entirely up to our brains how we respond to trauma and what one person may not even consider traumatic another may be incredibly traumatized and vice versa. Anyone can find information on the neurobiology of trauma on YouTube. Some exanples I have of this include these book quotes:
"In the most severe cases, WOMEN may experience personality disorder symptoms, including one distinguished by enduring patterns of instability and impulsivity (Borderline Personality Disorder)."-Men deal with this as well.
"As women have become more open and vocal about their experiences, male survivors often still suffer in silence. They suffer in silence because - like me, they are afraid." -Women are afraid too. Just because some survivors have found their voices and are speaking up does not mean that they don't experience a massive lack of support, not being believed, victim-blaming, etc. Women's voices do NOT quiet the voices of men. In fact, in my experience men's voices would be more than welcome in the fight to end sexual violence.
I also feel that this book low-key speaks ill of the LGBTQ+ community. In multiple sections it describes the discomfort sexual assault can cause by boys/men questioning their sexuality. The books describes how bodies may physically react to an assault (e.g an erection) even if it's something the victim is saying no to or doesn't want. This can lead a victim to feel like their body betrayed them. I'd like to point out first that while this books exclusively points out that this happens to men, it can happen to all genders. There were several statements that came across as if saying, 'don't worry you're not gay', or 'you can be saved and pray the gay away.' And again, I understand that this is a book meant for male survivors, but by exclusively saying "this happens to MEN" it unintensionally gives off the impression that only men deal with that. One quote in particular hints that same sex attraction could be rooted in the sexual abuse of someone of the same sex. This is HIGHLY inaccurate and extremely harmful. Some examples include:
"Sexually assaulted boys are often confused about the validity of their experience because of the stimulations, erection, and or ejaculation that they may have experienced during their abuse."
"After all these years of battling same-sex attraction and sexual trauma is this really the root of it all? Finally, the vision was vivid."
"Reading about their journeys toward wholeness as they experience their transformation through Christ gave me hope for each of them."
"During this process of learning what manhood is, I went through what I call about 2 years of rehab. I experienced withdrawals from the lifestyle of homosexuality."
Finally, there are quite a few statements that are blantantly out of date and false. These statements seem to say, "you can expect this in your healing journey" or give unrealisitic expectations in cases that are proscuted. Also, defines "rape" as a penis being the ultimate weapon used. It's not that cut and dry. Even by the personal experiences written about in this book - rape can happen in multiple fashions. Examples:
"For those traumatized, anxiety is ALWAYS the most overwhelming emotion that will linger for a long time."
"Rape happens when a person deliberately penetrates another person's vagina, buttocks, or mouth with a penis without the other person's permission."
"Rape is a heinous act that brings severe punishments, often on the first conviction." -This is EXTREMELY inaccurate. Often times charges are pled down and almost never does a perpetrator get sentenced to the max. As a matter of fact, often times felony assaults get pled down to misdemeanors (ESPECIALLY on first offenses) and they end up getting probation without having to spend more than a day in jail, let alone prison.
Another inaccurate statement that literally made me go, "WHAT???"...
"Physically challenged people are often constitutionally incapable of consenting to sex."
The majority of physically challenged people have complete body autonomy and can make their own choices. It's SOME individuals with cognitive delays that may be constitutionally incapable of consenting if there's a belief that there's a lack of understanding.
Now, there is also some great information in this book and I do believe that this book will be a fanastic resource for some survivors. Ultimately, I rated it the way I did because while I do find value in it I can also recognize the harmful statements (although they may be unintentional) and the inaccuracies.
First, I felt that this book was extensively geared towards male victims that have always been Christian or have "found God" through their suffering and healing. I wish this was something that was explained in the details of the book. I absolutely believe that there is healing in those beliefs and some survivors base their healing in faith. There is nothing wrong with that, however there is a huge population that does not feel that way and need to hear that Christianity is not necessary for healing. Again, every survivor has their own journey.
Second, I acknowledge that this book is specifically reflective of male survivors and the specific barriers they face in regards to society pushing ridiculous definitions of masculinity such as being "tough" or having a lack of emotions and not talking about feelings. However, I believe there are several statements throughout the book that come across as saying that male victimization is harder than female victimization or portray the men have it worse when it comes to being a survivor. The book tends to paint women survivors in a light of being emotionally unstable while men have "real issues" due to societal norms. This is an extremely harmful message, even if unintentional. Traumas should NEVER be compared. Our entirely up to our brains how we respond to trauma and what one person may not even consider traumatic another may be incredibly traumatized and vice versa. Anyone can find information on the neurobiology of trauma on YouTube. Some exanples I have of this include these book quotes:
"In the most severe cases, WOMEN may experience personality disorder symptoms, including one distinguished by enduring patterns of instability and impulsivity (Borderline Personality Disorder)."-Men deal with this as well.
"As women have become more open and vocal about their experiences, male survivors often still suffer in silence. They suffer in silence because - like me, they are afraid." -Women are afraid too. Just because some survivors have found their voices and are speaking up does not mean that they don't experience a massive lack of support, not being believed, victim-blaming, etc. Women's voices do NOT quiet the voices of men. In fact, in my experience men's voices would be more than welcome in the fight to end sexual violence.
I also feel that this book low-key speaks ill of the LGBTQ+ community. In multiple sections it describes the discomfort sexual assault can cause by boys/men questioning their sexuality. The books describes how bodies may physically react to an assault (e.g an erection) even if it's something the victim is saying no to or doesn't want. This can lead a victim to feel like their body betrayed them. I'd like to point out first that while this books exclusively points out that this happens to men, it can happen to all genders. There were several statements that came across as if saying, 'don't worry you're not gay', or 'you can be saved and pray the gay away.' And again, I understand that this is a book meant for male survivors, but by exclusively saying "this happens to MEN" it unintensionally gives off the impression that only men deal with that. One quote in particular hints that same sex attraction could be rooted in the sexual abuse of someone of the same sex. This is HIGHLY inaccurate and extremely harmful. Some examples include:
"Sexually assaulted boys are often confused about the validity of their experience because of the stimulations, erection, and or ejaculation that they may have experienced during their abuse."
"After all these years of battling same-sex attraction and sexual trauma is this really the root of it all? Finally, the vision was vivid."
"Reading about their journeys toward wholeness as they experience their transformation through Christ gave me hope for each of them."
"During this process of learning what manhood is, I went through what I call about 2 years of rehab. I experienced withdrawals from the lifestyle of homosexuality."
Finally, there are quite a few statements that are blantantly out of date and false. These statements seem to say, "you can expect this in your healing journey" or give unrealisitic expectations in cases that are proscuted. Also, defines "rape" as a penis being the ultimate weapon used. It's not that cut and dry. Even by the personal experiences written about in this book - rape can happen in multiple fashions. Examples:
"For those traumatized, anxiety is ALWAYS the most overwhelming emotion that will linger for a long time."
"Rape happens when a person deliberately penetrates another person's vagina, buttocks, or mouth with a penis without the other person's permission."
"Rape is a heinous act that brings severe punishments, often on the first conviction." -This is EXTREMELY inaccurate. Often times charges are pled down and almost never does a perpetrator get sentenced to the max. As a matter of fact, often times felony assaults get pled down to misdemeanors (ESPECIALLY on first offenses) and they end up getting probation without having to spend more than a day in jail, let alone prison.
Another inaccurate statement that literally made me go, "WHAT???"...
"Physically challenged people are often constitutionally incapable of consenting to sex."
The majority of physically challenged people have complete body autonomy and can make their own choices. It's SOME individuals with cognitive delays that may be constitutionally incapable of consenting if there's a belief that there's a lack of understanding.
Now, there is also some great information in this book and I do believe that this book will be a fanastic resource for some survivors. Ultimately, I rated it the way I did because while I do find value in it I can also recognize the harmful statements (although they may be unintentional) and the inaccuracies.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 19, 2022
Finally, a book for all sexually abused men. I was paralyzed with the same problems these men share. I can write this review without fear. No man should carry the weight of abuse quietly their entire life. I waited almost 20 years to acknowledge my own. After letting it out, I became free. I still carry some emptiness and can be misunderstood by others.
You deserve to be free & you’re enough.
Abandon the shame and stop living a false narrative.
Thank you to all of the men who participated in this book. If there’s a part two, I’d be glad to share my story.
All the best
You deserve to be free & you’re enough.
Abandon the shame and stop living a false narrative.
Thank you to all of the men who participated in this book. If there’s a part two, I’d be glad to share my story.
All the best
July 29, 2022
Insightful and moving Read
I recommend this book to men that experienced sexual trauma and the supportive people their lives. This book gave insight to what traumatized little boys had to endured and gives hope to becoming the men they were designed to be.
I recommend this book to men that experienced sexual trauma and the supportive people their lives. This book gave insight to what traumatized little boys had to endured and gives hope to becoming the men they were designed to be.
May 19, 2022
My heart hurts for what all of you have been through.
So painful to read. Yet the courage to tell, forgive and heal. This is not a book. This is life.
So painful to read. Yet the courage to tell, forgive and heal. This is not a book. This is life.
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews