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The Family Friend
Matt Lowe's childhood was outwardly idyllic. He was part of a large, loving family and lived comfortably on the Norfolk coast. Yet, unnoticed by his parents and peers, he was being abused by a young man who had been welcomed into the family fold—in the guise of the perfect family friend. Jeremy was intelligent, artistic, and fantastic with children. A real-life Peter Pan, he was loved by the children and trusted by the adults. He was particularly fond of Matt and would organize outings and treats every weekend, just for the two of them. But from the start the relationship had a sinister side; one that Matt instinctively knew must remain hidden. Written with heart-wrenching candor, Matt's story is an unusually insightful and moving account of how one small boy endured many years of sexual and psychological abuse and how, without realizing, those closest to him allowed it to happen.
352 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2008
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February 8, 2024
I'm not sure how you can take the story of a little British boy suffering devastating sexual abuse over a period of more than ten years and turn it into this mundane, myopic mess. At 340 pages it's probably 150 pages too long and filled with all sorts of dull, unnecessary, everyday "stories" that literally go nowhere. Just when you think he might be finally sharing something of interest Matt Lowe wraps it up without any real ending, moving on to another sleepy anecdote.
The basics to the story are told up front: an adult male the family met on the beach becomes a regular friend and gravitates toward the five-year-old boy. The parents not only do nothing about the weird requests to take the boy off every weekend but they seem to encourage it! At its core this is truly a story of bad parenting, but that's barely touched upon here because the author wants to make sure that he doesn't hurt anyone's feelings, including that of the abuser.
As the book expands it just gets worse, with the reader waiting to have something of significance occur. The sex abuse is rarely addressed head-on or told in detail, so we usually have to guess what the two did together. At no point does Matt Lowe say anything to anyone to report he's being abused--he writes that he never even considered it abuse until he was in his 40s--and instead as a preteen he saw it as love that was missing from his communist parents. (Yes, their communist ties are alluded to in the middle of the book and the author seems to defend then!)
Then in a bizarre "twist" that goes underwritten, as a teen Lowe suddenly is attracted to women and not only has sex but then is seduced by a 21=year-old female while he continues to have sex with his adult male abuser. This raises huge questions since an underage boy actively agreed to sex with adults--but the woman is never condemned. Shouldn't it be just as wrong for a female to take a 16-year-old to bed as it is a male?
Instead of writing this in chronological order the author chooses to insert different adult years between his childhood, which only makes it confusing. The long, long sections about his adult therapy also only cloud things instead of helping. Ultimately in the end we find out that this book is a result of his final therapy session, where his counselor tells him to write it all down.
What must be addressed is the fact that much of this book is written in long direct quotes from the mouths of others. We're supposed to believe that a five-year-old can remember such specific detail? Even as a ten-year-old or 15-year-old how can the writer regurgitate pages of detailed dialogue? The answer is that he can't--he's just giving us his impressions and filling in specifics from his imagination. To me that means nothing he says can be trusted, making this creative non-fiction.
Lowe even admits to his bad memory. He goes through a list of childhood dreams, including his parents screaming or mother being taken out on a stretcher, but adds, "I don't remember. ...It wasn't long before I was questioning" whether any of it had happened. And later admits, "I was aware of the facts, most of them, but they were all jumbled up. Events had been rearranged in my mind to preserve certain myths." This just reinforces that we can't believe this as being completely true, and (like the police eventually conclude) there isn't enough evidence that any of it ever happened.
Sadly, the book rushes through his adulthood and the ending is a letdown. He does get married to a woman but he never overcomes the hole in his heart after breaking it off with his childhood male lover (his word for his abuser). This could have been turned into a fascinating study of mores and sexuality, but instead Matt Lowe isn't grown up enough to deal with it. And despite what he claims, his parents are the unnamed villains in this book and he can't blame all of that on his family friend.
The basics to the story are told up front: an adult male the family met on the beach becomes a regular friend and gravitates toward the five-year-old boy. The parents not only do nothing about the weird requests to take the boy off every weekend but they seem to encourage it! At its core this is truly a story of bad parenting, but that's barely touched upon here because the author wants to make sure that he doesn't hurt anyone's feelings, including that of the abuser.
As the book expands it just gets worse, with the reader waiting to have something of significance occur. The sex abuse is rarely addressed head-on or told in detail, so we usually have to guess what the two did together. At no point does Matt Lowe say anything to anyone to report he's being abused--he writes that he never even considered it abuse until he was in his 40s--and instead as a preteen he saw it as love that was missing from his communist parents. (Yes, their communist ties are alluded to in the middle of the book and the author seems to defend then!)
Then in a bizarre "twist" that goes underwritten, as a teen Lowe suddenly is attracted to women and not only has sex but then is seduced by a 21=year-old female while he continues to have sex with his adult male abuser. This raises huge questions since an underage boy actively agreed to sex with adults--but the woman is never condemned. Shouldn't it be just as wrong for a female to take a 16-year-old to bed as it is a male?
Instead of writing this in chronological order the author chooses to insert different adult years between his childhood, which only makes it confusing. The long, long sections about his adult therapy also only cloud things instead of helping. Ultimately in the end we find out that this book is a result of his final therapy session, where his counselor tells him to write it all down.
What must be addressed is the fact that much of this book is written in long direct quotes from the mouths of others. We're supposed to believe that a five-year-old can remember such specific detail? Even as a ten-year-old or 15-year-old how can the writer regurgitate pages of detailed dialogue? The answer is that he can't--he's just giving us his impressions and filling in specifics from his imagination. To me that means nothing he says can be trusted, making this creative non-fiction.
Lowe even admits to his bad memory. He goes through a list of childhood dreams, including his parents screaming or mother being taken out on a stretcher, but adds, "I don't remember. ...It wasn't long before I was questioning" whether any of it had happened. And later admits, "I was aware of the facts, most of them, but they were all jumbled up. Events had been rearranged in my mind to preserve certain myths." This just reinforces that we can't believe this as being completely true, and (like the police eventually conclude) there isn't enough evidence that any of it ever happened.
Sadly, the book rushes through his adulthood and the ending is a letdown. He does get married to a woman but he never overcomes the hole in his heart after breaking it off with his childhood male lover (his word for his abuser). This could have been turned into a fascinating study of mores and sexuality, but instead Matt Lowe isn't grown up enough to deal with it. And despite what he claims, his parents are the unnamed villains in this book and he can't blame all of that on his family friend.
Displaying 1 of 1 review