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Seagulls from Hell
People visit Blackpool for various sun, sea, sand, sex, and seagulls. This dark and twisted story, set against a backdrop of the UK’s most famous seaside resort, follows a private investigator as he tries to locate a missing person believed to be amongst the homeless community. It’s an investigation that will bring him face-to-face with violence, torture, punishment, murder, and the seagulls from hell.
Seagulls from Hell was selected as BEST NOVELLA for the Saboteur Awards 2023.
From the
The sign Welcome to Blackpool . With a lowering thundercloud on the horizon, and the first flecks of rain coming down, the view did not look particularly welcoming. The famous tower was a faraway blimp on the horizon. The curves of a gigantic rollercoaster loomed like the curls of loose threads near the hem of a threadbare grey sky. The whole scene looked even less welcoming when a hefty spatter of seagull shit slapped across the windscreen. The guano appeared like a mixture of white emulsion with a green and yellow kernel at its heart.
Overhead a seagull screamed.
“Filthy fucking creatures,” Chris grumbled. He hit the wiper and the screen wash. For a moment the entire screen was whitened by diluted bird shit. Then the car’s single blade began to clear the mess and he was looking at the approaching town of Blackpool and telling himself this weekend wouldn’t be as bad as he feared.
“Isn’t it supposed to be lucky?” Pamela asked.
Chris said nothing. The car was a Pagani Huayra Roadster, based on the classic styling of the Pagani Zonda R. It was the sort of glossy, low-riding sports car that made heads turn when he drove past. The Nero Blackstar paintwork was something he polished every week until the vehicle was back to its usual oily lustre. A spattering of corrosive seagull crap on the bonnet was going to mean he needed to T-cut the damned thing over the next weekend or maybe shell out for a professional external valet. If that was needed, he’d be looking at a bill in excess of two hundred quid just to remove the stain from a spatter of bird shit. In Chris didn’t feel particularly lucky.
“Bloody gulls,” he muttered.
“But isn’t it supposed to be lucky?” Pam pressed.
He tightened his facial muscles, hoping it looked like he was giving the dizzy bitch a grin whilst he nodded. A weekend with Pam promised several good things. For a start, because she’d selected Blackpool, he knew she was cheap. Also, she banged like a shithouse door in a thunderstorm. And, probably most important for his needs, she was very, very attractive. Her hair, breasts, legs and face all seemed pleasingly proportioned, youthful, and made her strikingly similar to the stars of his favourite clips on Pornhub. If only he’d been able to mute her volume in the same way he could mute a Pornhub clip when the woman had one of those fake screeching orgasms, Pam would have been the ideal partner. Maddeningly, Pam seemed to take exception to his attempts to cover her lips whilst they were having sex. And, after he’d tried it once, she was adamant he couldn’t stuff her knickers in her mouth ever again.
Another spatter of seagull shit was thrown across the windscreen. It was a torrential downpour of seagull shit, he thought miserably. “Bastard things,” he snapped.
As they’d been driving, Chris had noticed the screech of the seagulls increase the closer they got to Blackpool. At first it had been a faraway sound, slightly jarring and a little discordant, but nothing more than a reminder that they were nearing the coast. A few miles closer and he realised he wasn’t hearing the gentle seagulls that could be heard cooing over the intro of The Sleepy Lagoon when it was played on Desert Island Discs . These were gulls that were screeching for food or territory or sex. After a while he’d wondered if he was really hearing gulls...
Seagulls from Hell was selected as BEST NOVELLA for the Saboteur Awards 2023.
From the
The sign Welcome to Blackpool . With a lowering thundercloud on the horizon, and the first flecks of rain coming down, the view did not look particularly welcoming. The famous tower was a faraway blimp on the horizon. The curves of a gigantic rollercoaster loomed like the curls of loose threads near the hem of a threadbare grey sky. The whole scene looked even less welcoming when a hefty spatter of seagull shit slapped across the windscreen. The guano appeared like a mixture of white emulsion with a green and yellow kernel at its heart.
Overhead a seagull screamed.
“Filthy fucking creatures,” Chris grumbled. He hit the wiper and the screen wash. For a moment the entire screen was whitened by diluted bird shit. Then the car’s single blade began to clear the mess and he was looking at the approaching town of Blackpool and telling himself this weekend wouldn’t be as bad as he feared.
“Isn’t it supposed to be lucky?” Pamela asked.
Chris said nothing. The car was a Pagani Huayra Roadster, based on the classic styling of the Pagani Zonda R. It was the sort of glossy, low-riding sports car that made heads turn when he drove past. The Nero Blackstar paintwork was something he polished every week until the vehicle was back to its usual oily lustre. A spattering of corrosive seagull crap on the bonnet was going to mean he needed to T-cut the damned thing over the next weekend or maybe shell out for a professional external valet. If that was needed, he’d be looking at a bill in excess of two hundred quid just to remove the stain from a spatter of bird shit. In Chris didn’t feel particularly lucky.
“Bloody gulls,” he muttered.
“But isn’t it supposed to be lucky?” Pam pressed.
He tightened his facial muscles, hoping it looked like he was giving the dizzy bitch a grin whilst he nodded. A weekend with Pam promised several good things. For a start, because she’d selected Blackpool, he knew she was cheap. Also, she banged like a shithouse door in a thunderstorm. And, probably most important for his needs, she was very, very attractive. Her hair, breasts, legs and face all seemed pleasingly proportioned, youthful, and made her strikingly similar to the stars of his favourite clips on Pornhub. If only he’d been able to mute her volume in the same way he could mute a Pornhub clip when the woman had one of those fake screeching orgasms, Pam would have been the ideal partner. Maddeningly, Pam seemed to take exception to his attempts to cover her lips whilst they were having sex. And, after he’d tried it once, she was adamant he couldn’t stuff her knickers in her mouth ever again.
Another spatter of seagull shit was thrown across the windscreen. It was a torrential downpour of seagull shit, he thought miserably. “Bastard things,” he snapped.
As they’d been driving, Chris had noticed the screech of the seagulls increase the closer they got to Blackpool. At first it had been a faraway sound, slightly jarring and a little discordant, but nothing more than a reminder that they were nearing the coast. A few miles closer and he realised he wasn’t hearing the gentle seagulls that could be heard cooing over the intro of The Sleepy Lagoon when it was played on Desert Island Discs . These were gulls that were screeching for food or territory or sex. After a while he’d wondered if he was really hearing gulls...
154 pages, Paperback
Published July 23, 2022
7 people are currently reading
47 people want to read
About the author
Ashley Lister
62 books45 followersThis author is also published under the pen name Ashley R. Lister.
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Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews
July 19, 2025
4.5 stars. Now this was one helluva unique story! We follow several different characters, all linked together, as we navigate deadly hobo fighting directed by a local ‘heavy’ out for revenge, a private investigator looking for a lost person, mind-controlled seagulls, etc. Just lots of great depth and complexity to the plot, which I originally took as a typical killer animal book. But it was just a ton more than that, all flowing beautifully and handled sufficiently. The seagulls were a decent focus of the story, as was their ensuing carnage, but neither were not the centerpiece, either. The characters were in the spotlight throughout, each having their own ambitions, arcs, and finales, which were great: So very tactical writing and well-handled creative decisions by the author. My only minor critique was that I wanted a little more about Jodie and ‘the box’ and the seemingly occult-based background of certain aspects, but what was provided still sufficed. This was my first experience with Ashley Lister and, I must say, it was quite magnificent!
August 25, 2022
As someone who gets woken at 5am every morning by the horrific squawking of Seagulls, I now dont think I'll ever sleep again!! 😉
Don't be fooled into thinking this is just a book about killer Seagulls though, it is so much more than that!! And it is completely brilliant! I have read a few of Ashley's books now, and they have that feeling of familiarity, of comfort, you know you're going to get an enjoyable read every time! The narrative flows effortlessly, the story is completely engrossing, and the descriptions are vivid! I love Ashleys humour too!
Deacon and Cheryl are on a first date, when he introduces her to the Blackpool Underworld, and the infamous Punch and Jodie shows. They both get drawn into it a lot more than they intended to, and we follow their horrific, dark journey, until Deacon starts to have regrets….is it too late to make amends??
Kitty Wakes (Seagull Lady) looks out for the Seagulls, she can control them, get them to do her evil bidding for her, and when she needs a lot of cash, quickly, she calls on them to help….
Bill, Kittys partner, is an unwilling participant in the Punch and Jodie show, held captive by Jodie and her gang..
All these lives converge and the story culminates in a brilliantly chaotic, bloody revenge frenzy!
Another triumph from Ashley!
Don't be fooled into thinking this is just a book about killer Seagulls though, it is so much more than that!! And it is completely brilliant! I have read a few of Ashley's books now, and they have that feeling of familiarity, of comfort, you know you're going to get an enjoyable read every time! The narrative flows effortlessly, the story is completely engrossing, and the descriptions are vivid! I love Ashleys humour too!
Deacon and Cheryl are on a first date, when he introduces her to the Blackpool Underworld, and the infamous Punch and Jodie shows. They both get drawn into it a lot more than they intended to, and we follow their horrific, dark journey, until Deacon starts to have regrets….is it too late to make amends??
Kitty Wakes (Seagull Lady) looks out for the Seagulls, she can control them, get them to do her evil bidding for her, and when she needs a lot of cash, quickly, she calls on them to help….
Bill, Kittys partner, is an unwilling participant in the Punch and Jodie show, held captive by Jodie and her gang..
All these lives converge and the story culminates in a brilliantly chaotic, bloody revenge frenzy!
Another triumph from Ashley!
July 21, 2022
From the title you think that this book is all about seagulls. While the seagulls do play a big part, there is so much more going on. There are three different story arcs and you wonder at first how it will all come together. The author did an amazing job of taking those story arcs and combining them into an amazing finish. The character development is fantastic, you start off hating some of them, but by the end you can feel empathy for them and want them to come out on top.
I love this author's way of telling a horrific story without lots of gore or "jump scares".
Well written and very enjoyable.
I love this author's way of telling a horrific story without lots of gore or "jump scares".
Well written and very enjoyable.
December 7, 2023
Oh my God, this was very different to anything else I’ve read before. It’s shocking, gruesome, wickedly far-fetched, funny, entertaining, and difficult to put down. Definitely 18+. Loved it!
July 22, 2022
Well yet again Ash acts it out of the park but with a collection of Short Stories. Blackpool has certainly changed for me in a big way, as I now understand three things.
One If a guy takes me to Blackpool it's either to kill me, make sure I vanish or for a shag and dash. Two I will never hook up with anyone around there fearing I'll end up in an underground fighting ring and three the Seagulls can have my bloody chips.
The first story is a great intro as it feels like you're entering Blackpool with them. The description and language in this one are a big change from what I'm used to reading in Ashley's work. It has a more blunt-to-point tone in this story, very similar to the style of extreme horror I read by Ash. So it was a nice change of pace, it also had more common terminology in there and the characters themselves have an 'oh I know that kind of person,' tone.
It also has a faster pace to it with little to no slow points, which means your interest as a reader is always kept. Each story flows into one another perfectly, so when you come back to Dave and his search for Fred and the fight ring with Deacon it's still clear and fresh in your mind what's going on. He also has a lot of interesting and varied characters in there, some you can't wait to see die and others at the start you feel sorry for as you learn more about them. The character development of each one is great, I kind of wish one of the characters, in particular, pulled through to see them change. But it just meant it was more of a shock to the system when they die violently.
I love the way the stories weaved into one another and honestly, the character development is very well done. I also had such a big soft spot for Kittie, though that may be because I am a crazy pigeon lady. I love the way the story moves along, at a swift pace keeping the reader consumed in the plot. Then that ending I mean, wow it was worth getting entangled in this twisted tale.
I give it five killer seagulls out of five.
One If a guy takes me to Blackpool it's either to kill me, make sure I vanish or for a shag and dash. Two I will never hook up with anyone around there fearing I'll end up in an underground fighting ring and three the Seagulls can have my bloody chips.
The first story is a great intro as it feels like you're entering Blackpool with them. The description and language in this one are a big change from what I'm used to reading in Ashley's work. It has a more blunt-to-point tone in this story, very similar to the style of extreme horror I read by Ash. So it was a nice change of pace, it also had more common terminology in there and the characters themselves have an 'oh I know that kind of person,' tone.
It also has a faster pace to it with little to no slow points, which means your interest as a reader is always kept. Each story flows into one another perfectly, so when you come back to Dave and his search for Fred and the fight ring with Deacon it's still clear and fresh in your mind what's going on. He also has a lot of interesting and varied characters in there, some you can't wait to see die and others at the start you feel sorry for as you learn more about them. The character development of each one is great, I kind of wish one of the characters, in particular, pulled through to see them change. But it just meant it was more of a shock to the system when they die violently.
I love the way the stories weaved into one another and honestly, the character development is very well done. I also had such a big soft spot for Kittie, though that may be because I am a crazy pigeon lady. I love the way the story moves along, at a swift pace keeping the reader consumed in the plot. Then that ending I mean, wow it was worth getting entangled in this twisted tale.
I give it five killer seagulls out of five.
July 31, 2023
I was extremely attracted to this one, because the town I live in has a major seagull issue, and most of them are as big as chickens. And I can totally relate with their cries being similar to dying and tortured cries rather than the tones of a normal bird. But this story is so much more , it has some nice twists and turns of events and it all links together in a good story with lots of violence and blood.
August 8, 2023
Really enjoyed this one. Set in a seaside town, which is always a favourite setting for me. The story centres around some shady folks that are running bum fights, but it goes much deeper than that. Great pacing, plenty of action, diverse characters and mental seagulls. A really dark tale with flavours of Laymon.
November 21, 2022
Hobo fights, magical trinkets, and killer seagulls. This might be the most original book I've read in a while. A ton of fun from start to finish.
April 7, 2023
I am fortunate enough to be friends with a member of this author's extended family, otherwise I probably would never have even heard of this, let alone read it.
I'm not really sure what I was expecting going in to this, but I'm pretty sure it's not what was served up. As the other reviews say, this is so much more than just killer seagulls. The different story arcs joined together seamlessly and there was much more character depth than I expected.
I had to remove a star as I didn't like the end, but that's simply personal preference. I am definitely going to dive straight back into the bag of books by this author that is currently residing at the side of my sofa.
I'm not really sure what I was expecting going in to this, but I'm pretty sure it's not what was served up. As the other reviews say, this is so much more than just killer seagulls. The different story arcs joined together seamlessly and there was much more character depth than I expected.
I had to remove a star as I didn't like the end, but that's simply personal preference. I am definitely going to dive straight back into the bag of books by this author that is currently residing at the side of my sofa.
July 23, 2025
When I read Ashley Lister’s ’The God Botherers’ in the anthology, Bloody Hell, I knew he was a writer I needed to read more of. I met him, and bought a signed copy of Seagulls, over a year ago and have only now read it. I’m a slow reader and my TBR pile is huge! Sorry.
Seagulls From Hell was, I must admit, totally not what I expected, although, that said, I’m not entirely sure what I expected from a novel with such a corny title. Thankfully, I was not disappointed; it was one hell of a dark, twisted and crazy story, and I totally understand why it was selected as the BEST NOVELLA in the Saboteur Awards back in 2023.
I, like a lot of people, assumed this was going to be a story revolving around crazy seagulls, but it was much, much more than that.
A private detective looking for a missing person; a young man (dare I say it, a bit of a tosser) who sends his girlfriend into a seedy underworld, which holds her captive and makes her an unwilling participant in that underworld’s illegal Punch and Jodie show, and, of course, the squawking, vicious, flappy seagulls that are mysteriously attacking people right across Blackpool.
Now, I can’t speak about other countries, but here in the UK, seagulls are without a doubt, the most annoying, aggressive, food stealing (usually ice creams, chips or McDonald’s) birds that we have. Ashley has taken these traits and multiplied them a thousand times over and adding a dash of dry humour, gratuitous violence and tons of bird shit!
Ashley’s setting and descriptions really made me envisage the town of Blackpool in all its glory, but sprinkled with a hefty dollop of seagull shit.
A superb read, and I look forward to reading more from Ashley.
Five out of five chip-munching seagull skulls 💀💀💀💀💀
Seagulls From Hell was, I must admit, totally not what I expected, although, that said, I’m not entirely sure what I expected from a novel with such a corny title. Thankfully, I was not disappointed; it was one hell of a dark, twisted and crazy story, and I totally understand why it was selected as the BEST NOVELLA in the Saboteur Awards back in 2023.
I, like a lot of people, assumed this was going to be a story revolving around crazy seagulls, but it was much, much more than that.
A private detective looking for a missing person; a young man (dare I say it, a bit of a tosser) who sends his girlfriend into a seedy underworld, which holds her captive and makes her an unwilling participant in that underworld’s illegal Punch and Jodie show, and, of course, the squawking, vicious, flappy seagulls that are mysteriously attacking people right across Blackpool.
Now, I can’t speak about other countries, but here in the UK, seagulls are without a doubt, the most annoying, aggressive, food stealing (usually ice creams, chips or McDonald’s) birds that we have. Ashley has taken these traits and multiplied them a thousand times over and adding a dash of dry humour, gratuitous violence and tons of bird shit!
Ashley’s setting and descriptions really made me envisage the town of Blackpool in all its glory, but sprinkled with a hefty dollop of seagull shit.
A superb read, and I look forward to reading more from Ashley.
Five out of five chip-munching seagull skulls 💀💀💀💀💀
March 27, 2023
I've noticed a recurring feature in Ashley Lister's books. Few of his characters have redeeming features. There are horrible people, awful people, evil people, sickening people... you get the drift. One might think that would be a problem - how do you empathise with the scum of the earth?
Well, you don't - exactly. When there's a conflict between two characters, you generally side with the least worst one. And that may change as the book progresses. A novel way to engage interest.
It helps that the author wraps an intriguing storyline around these reprobates. He does it well, using natural language and a flair for dialogue. Before you know it, you've finished the book and feel satisfied with the resolution.
This particular book has a varied cast of earthy lowlifes, plus some nasty seagulls - as suggested by the title. Much is set in the seedier parts of Blackpool, and knowing this seaside town, I find extra depth recognising the names of streets and districts. There is violence, a notable death count and an element of the supernatural. Some decent puns too, which is always a plus in my book. Not a boon to Blackpool tourism, though!
In conclusion, whilst arguably not suitable for work, it is more than suitable as an entertaining read. A worthwhile purchase.
Well, you don't - exactly. When there's a conflict between two characters, you generally side with the least worst one. And that may change as the book progresses. A novel way to engage interest.
It helps that the author wraps an intriguing storyline around these reprobates. He does it well, using natural language and a flair for dialogue. Before you know it, you've finished the book and feel satisfied with the resolution.
This particular book has a varied cast of earthy lowlifes, plus some nasty seagulls - as suggested by the title. Much is set in the seedier parts of Blackpool, and knowing this seaside town, I find extra depth recognising the names of streets and districts. There is violence, a notable death count and an element of the supernatural. Some decent puns too, which is always a plus in my book. Not a boon to Blackpool tourism, though!
In conclusion, whilst arguably not suitable for work, it is more than suitable as an entertaining read. A worthwhile purchase.
September 26, 2024
Audiobook: I was amazed by the intricacy of this unusual story. The story evolved until I was never sure where it would go or how it would end. There remained an aura of suspense and escalating horror throughout, and I was enthralled from the beginning to the end. I thought Ashley Lister's narration was fine; however, at times his voice sounded muffled, and I had to listen very carefully in order to follow the whole story. I liked the addition of the sound of the seagulls as that added to my feeling of being in the setting. I was given a copy of the audiobook. I volunteered, without financial gain, to post this review which included my honest opinions regarding this story.
October 22, 2023
Seagulls from Hell
Having lived in Blackpool I know what nasty buggers seagulls (more properly Herring Gulls) can be. If you then factor in someone with the ability to control them and you have a flying flock of vicious homicidal birds that can have a wingspan of five feet, a serrated beak and heavy wings.
Blackpool has always had a dark seedy underbelly and Ashley Lister explores it quite well here.
Having lived in Blackpool I know what nasty buggers seagulls (more properly Herring Gulls) can be. If you then factor in someone with the ability to control them and you have a flying flock of vicious homicidal birds that can have a wingspan of five feet, a serrated beak and heavy wings.
Blackpool has always had a dark seedy underbelly and Ashley Lister explores it quite well here.
June 12, 2024
The seagulls scream across Blackpool; their targets orchestrated. Their shit is everywhere - why did Hitchcock never mention the shit?
Punch and Jodie shows on the midnight beach; Fight Club - if only Brad Pitt were a homeless tramp!
With strong descriptive visuals; loathsome well-drawn characters; and a fast paced narrative, all underpinned by some fantastic dark humour - no wonder this won Best Novella 2023 at the Saboteur Awards.
A fabulous read!
Punch and Jodie shows on the midnight beach; Fight Club - if only Brad Pitt were a homeless tramp!
With strong descriptive visuals; loathsome well-drawn characters; and a fast paced narrative, all underpinned by some fantastic dark humour - no wonder this won Best Novella 2023 at the Saboteur Awards.
A fabulous read!
October 30, 2022
Man, I'm glad there are no seagulls where I live 😂
Don't be fooled by the title, though seagulls do play a big part, this book is so much more than that.
This one grasped me from the very beginning and didn't let go. I went in blind and I'm really glad I did, give this a read, you won't be disappointed
Don't be fooled by the title, though seagulls do play a big part, this book is so much more than that.
This one grasped me from the very beginning and didn't let go. I went in blind and I'm really glad I did, give this a read, you won't be disappointed
September 25, 2022
hell yeah!
This story was gripping from the beginning and I just had to know what the seagulls were gonna get up to! I don’t know what I was expecting with a title like this, but it was better than I could have imagined.
This story was gripping from the beginning and I just had to know what the seagulls were gonna get up to! I don’t know what I was expecting with a title like this, but it was better than I could have imagined.
October 13, 2023
This is no sunshine filled Bodega Bay! Welcome to Blackpool! A dirty weekend, clandestine gatherings on the beach and Hulk Hobo - this book has everything. I went from grimace to nasal snorting laughter in a nanosecond. Another excellent story from Mr Lister.
July 23, 2025
What a murder weapon- gulls! This was a blast to read- funny (and despicable) characters, gory deaths, interesting (and different) storyline. It's well written and I liked how all the threads of the story were intertwined and ended up connecting with each other.
Definitely worth your time.
Definitely worth your time.
Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews