Super Constitution

by Charles Kim

The birth of a legend begins in the early summer of 2016. Three extraordinary geniuses get together and combine their unique technologies. Not by armies and bombs or politics, but with these technologies the three geniuses wrote the "Super Constitution" and ordered the worlds most powerful governments to dismantle weapons of mass destruction and to establish the Global Government. The Global Government, establishing only one-world armed forces under its own direct control, set up revolutionary economic policies establishing unilateral currencies and complete free trade in the world.

Genres: Fiction

312 pages, Paperback

Published January 1, 2009

Reviews

[blake · Rating 1 out of 5]

One has certain expectations regarding a book called "Super Constitution". Well, more accurately, one knows the book will fulfill one of two possible sets of expectations. The first, a wan, flickering hope that the book will demonstrate a serious and deep analysis of the founding principles of government, the nature of justice and ethics, and the state of Man. The second, a mindless power fantasy which illustrates the principle of "why is everyone ELSE so stupid I wish I had a death ray to make everyone do what I want."

It's no spoiler to say this book plays firmly into the second set of expectations in a way that makes a 14-year-old who's just discovered Ayn Rand seem sophisticated.

The big surprise this book offers (and it offers it right off the bat, so no spoilers) is that the amazing constitution is composed by a sexually mutated ultra-hot co-ed and her two freshmen paramours (the "troika"). The first three or so articles are devoted to these "characters" and their promiscuity, and it is their brilliance in developing the death ray that allows them to impose their will on others—for the good of all of us (except the ones who are dead).

Then these characters basically vanish for the rest of the book. Except for disguised missives directing the world powers (and an epilogue), their story comes to an end.

What's left is a contradictory mess of proposals: one world government—enforced by death ray—but with a powerful army; a powerful worldwide intelligence network, even though the troika are apparently omniscient enough to not even worry about anyone being able to plot against them; no more nations but also limits on tariffs and duties...and then later, nations sort of like states in the US (which don't allow tariffs and duties), one language or death and then, well, people can keep their language if they want, and also nobody should bully anyone or force them into doing anything, also death ray.

Did I mention "death ray"?

The whole thing is sort of "saved" by being written in a pidgin English, as if Blackfire (Starfire's evil sister) had written it. The muddle of the thoughts is enhanced by the muddle of the language, the malaprops, the inappropriate use of articles and prepositions.

To the few who actually saw Glen or Glenda? in its original release, I wonder what it must have been like, getting a peek into a disordered mind of a sort you knew was out there. I feel like this is that for all the people who are convinced if they could just kill enough people to get them to comply, the world would be a better place.

[Mandie Cornelius · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is insane. The synopsis is basically “SEX!!!… Now that I have your attention, let’s discuss global government issues for the next 250 pages.” It certainly catches you off guard, and then later you’ll be wishing for more of the off-putting, clinical sex stuff when you’re reading through pages and pages of boring political speeches. I read this only for the 372 Pages We’ll Never Get Back podcast. Please don’t read it unless you have a support group to discuss it with, because otherwise it might make you go insane.

[Jeffrey Greek · Rating 1 out of 5]

Good God.

[Charles]

A new "372 pages" book, great.

I will probably give this one a pass, but there is a slight chance I will give it a read for laughs.

[Michael · Rating 1 out of 5]

Donald and I read this together-- the latest 372 Pages We'll Never Get Back podcast subject. As almost always with these 372 Pages book selections, it's not something I'd ever have chosen to read, if it weren't for the podcast. Also as almost always, it was very amusing, for all the wrong reasons.

The title and description honestly sounded like one of the most boring books I could imagine reading-- even worse than a tedious recounting of someone playing a classic 80s arcade game (thanks, Ready Player One)-- though not quite as unpalatable as another Bob Honey or Shadow Moon (because, come on). I mean, fictional politics? Sign me up! I'm definitely not sick to the gills with actual, real-life politics; no, I am hungry for MORE and have an endless appetite for some random guy's political fantasies. Can't get enough of those dry legal documents-- especially ones that aren't real and have no possible bearing on my life!

However, to its credit, the first section of the book is nothing-- nothing-- like that. Far from being dry or dull, it's just the most bizarre thing ever. I can't say much without spoiling it, so I'll only suggest that you listen to the podcast, if you're interested. Certain sections of this book are truly not to be missed, if you're a fan of absurd fiction.

... And then the book moves on and gradually becomes more of what I'd originally expected (i.e. mind-numbingly boring), but we read every word and aren't sorry. Yes, there are some paragraphs you might as well skip, but fortunately, even the dry sections are sprinkled with moments of unintentional hilarity and disturbing glimpses into the mind of the author. Again, it's difficult to describe if you haven't actually read it (or listened to the podcast, as copies of the book are hard to come by). It's like nothing else I've ever read.

This is an excellent choice if you want a unique reading experience. You do have to wade through some tripe to get to all the good stuff, though, so be forewarned.

[YogScott · Rating 1 out of 5]

372 Pages, what did you inflict on me??

[Hurlock · Rating 2 out of 5]

I couldn’t believe what I read in this book on so many levels. The summary of the story would have you believe that it is about three geniuses who will solve the world’s problems. Now, that does happen, but for the first sixty pages of this book, Charles Kim has got some things on his mind that he needs to let out of his system before he tells you how all the world’s problems can be fixed through the super constitution.

This is a book full of madness with a goddess of a woman who might be the horniest character ever conceived (you’ve been warned), incoherent gibberish that appears constantly, a death ray used to make the whole world compliant, and a constitution with some of the most contradictory and dangerous ideas for how anything should be run.

In short, this book is bad. But there is so much bad to marvel at. Starting with the first two sentences:

This story begins in the early summer of year 2016. Any event or story before the summer of 2016, therefore, is in the past.

At this point, I said to myself, “Everything’s going to be alright.”

We get quite a scene where the president of China gets a call from someone named Miss Ohara, an alien from the star Ohara ordering that China must decommission all its weapons of mass destruction. Still following?

When the president challenges this demand Miss Ohara gives a warning:

“…your important people will be killed one by one until the instruction is fulfilled.”

Well, that escalated quickly. If you’re curious what happens next, I’m sorry, but the focus snaps over to another character named Brenda Chen. There’s no warning I could give that could possibly prepare anyone for this character:

When Brenda Chen entered Brown University, a thunderous topic about her fascinating appearance and gifted talent already rumbled on through the campus… her extraordinarily charming face; and her strikingly attractive and sexy figure… no exaggeration was possible to describe her outstanding attractiveness.

But not all is going well for this gorgeous woman with a high I.Q. She’s got some problems and goes to see a psychiatrist, Dr. Christine Fox. Now you might be wondering, what’s wrong with her:
Even the growth of her sexual sensitiveness had been retarded because she did not have much time or occasions to be exposed to pornography.

These are Charles Kim’s words, not mine.

Dr. Fox recommends Brenda go home and spend some time with herself but it's not enough. If you’re wondering how, we get an explanation:

“You appear to have an incredibly high degree of sexual desire in addition to possessing an unusually rapidly secreting organism of sexual hormone… you need at least 2 or 3 satyrs to keep your emotion at peace.”

So, Dr. Fox puts that on the prescription, but even with the doctor’s orders things still aren’t working out. That’s when we get more information from another session with Dr. Fox:

“The volume and speed of secreting sex hormone in your sexual organism turned up in tremendously surpassing any recorded point thus far throughout the medical institutional history… but also a ‘fascinating skin-formation’ on the wall of your vagina.”

Things don’t get better as Charles Kim reveals what he thinks is going on down there. THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING:

Usually the wall skin of ordinary woman’s vagina has a smooth tissue. But a scant few women develop gristles the size of a grain of rice, similar to octopus’s sucker-bearing arms, which engender extremely exciting sensation to male partner at intercourse.

Wow, that just happened. Now if you remember, three geniuses will solve the world’s problem. Which begs the question. WHAT IS HAPPENING!?

If you think the book moves past Brenda Chen at this point, I got some bad news for you. I’m only up to page 14. We still have to solve Brenda’s problem of trying to find a horny guy. So she does what any college girl would do looking for a one night stand, she joins the U.S. Air Force. She quickly becomes a pilot and makes a list of all the men around her that she thinks would be a good match in the sheets and goes through them one by one. Unfortunately, none can satisfy her. None of these studs in the Air Force are good enough, nor is the entire campus of Brown University apparently. I can’t give solid numbers of how many men Brenda went through, but based on Dr. Fox’s prescription, I think it’s safe to assume all of them. Especially with lines like this:

Brenda could not help feeling awkward whenever she mingled with classmates.

Then, finally, the camera snaps over to a new character named John Smith:

John Smith had a typical phenotype of Caucasian male, tracing his WASP roots back to the first Smith’s arrival with the founding Pilgrim settlers in Massachusetts, some 400 years ago.

Okay, we got a man with quite a lineage here. However, it’s not just his roots that make him special, it’s his unparalleled physical talent:

He developed a conspicuous figure from the early infant years… John could do push-ups 100 times straight without feeling an exhaustion.

His freakish power only grows as he matures. At one point challenging 100 judoists in a private tournament. He goes against them ten at a time but none of them are a match for ‘crackerjack John.’

Then, another talented man enters the frame, James Leigh. His gift, he can hold his breath for 20 minutes.

Both of these talented boys, soon to be men, when they meet Brenda at Brown University. That’s what drives them to enroll in Brown University. Word of a goddess of a woman who bangs everyone who enters Brown apparently has led to many men wanting to enroll there. I guess it’s on the brochure.

Brenda meets John and James, who are the first to ever satisfy her, and we get this poetry from Charles Kim:

Woman attracts man. Man does woman.

Now that these three geniuses have found each other, they can combine their talents to create a death ray and hold the world at gun point, so they adopt a ‘Super Constitution.’ Wait, what? Super Constitution? Oh yeah, that thing this book is supposed to be about. Sixty pages in and we’re finally getting to it.

Our three geniuses, who are having rough furniture smashing sex every day, form the troika. However, they need funding and help for the Super Constitution. Luckily, Jame’s father, Mr. Leigh it there to help. Mr. Leigh by the way, like the author, is from Korea, into costume jewelry, is close to 70, and is the mentor/mastermind of the Super Constitution. Brenda Chen even says to him:

“May I call you Daddy…”

Grandpa, it’s way past your bedtime. Take your pills and go to sleep.

To any that questions this theory, upon meeting this man, he goes into a rant that lasts several pages. Here are just some sentences of this gibberish:

“A research institute designates the nucleus of the whole school system.”

“An attractive appearance may impress the human mind, but it cannot dominate or dictate an intelligent human mind.”

“The number one power to change our social lifestyle for the better, however, comes from the human mind, especially the educated one which thinks of betterment and the better-off.”

“Even bad luck cannot suffocate repeated trials at last. Some people say a success depends on a good luck. All success depends on the educational mind.”

Now instead of asking, “What the hell are you talking about?” We get this line from Brenda:

“Daddy, your rhetoric sounds like my professor Krugman’s way of talking.”

This is just a taste of the incoherent monologues that happen so many times in this book. Monologues that are nothing but the author thinking he’s saying something smart when it’s barely a complete thought. When it’s not that, it’s making a point so horrifying it’s hard to read once you understand what he’s trying to say.

But finally, we get to the Super Constitution. The first line being:

Why do we live on this earth? Where are we from? And where are we heading?

Oh my god. But that embarrassing preamble is nothing compared to the real ideas in this constitution. Just remember these lines going forward that are part of the Super Constitution:

Nobody should force anyone how to interpret or how to define personal happiness. Nobody should be governed, or controlled.

So, with that in mind, here are some contents of the constitution:

The global institution of the world’s intelligence network manages the job of information gatherings without any restriction with president’s warrant in order to find out any breed of major fraudulent actions, process, and sources.

Okay, state surveillance is officially a constitutional right:

The global social service department is going to oversee all nations’ social welfare work, watch and audit the fair practices of all sorts of social developments and behaviors, including the administration of food, drug, environment, and the basic standard of general ethics and belief.

There must be a single, official global language… after five years, no local language is going to be allowed for any official purpose.

I thought nobody should be governed or controlled:

The global courts will use the least leniency and the harshest punishment to the criminals in order to make the world safe, and to make sure that honest, creative, and hard working people get the appropriate reward.

I’m sure everyone’s going to be hard working with a death ray pointed at them.

We have the constitution ready and the ‘killing power’ as they call it, ready. We then go back to the alien, Miss Ohara, who if you haven’t figured out by now, is the troika in disguise. They demand the world give into their demands. And the world gives in without a fight. Usually there’s some big display of power but the killing power is not used for the longest time. There are few people killed for going against them near the end of the book but even before that everyone was just going along with all their demands. They do this knowing that this isn’t some extra-terrestrial force, but people on earth. They try to find them but give up so easily. There’s no challenge in the book that raises the stakes at all.

Although, to be fair, there are steps taken to make sure everyone is okay with this:

President Garfield thought about throwing an extravagant and lavish cocktail party to relax both parties so that both could mingle their feelings to make a friendly atmosphere.

You know, just throw some cocktail parties every now and then and everyone will forget their living in an autocracy.

Overall, this book is not good. If the madness I’ve mention up top makes you think this is something to laugh at, you might have a good time. But the banality of evil monologues that go on and on throughout the entire book are mind numbing at best and horrifying at worst. Normally I would rate a book with this much madness five stars for being entertainingly bad. But I can’t overlook the idea’s presented in this book. If these ideas were brough to fruition, we would all be dead. Terrible, but terrible enough to entertain, 2 stars.

[Daniel · Rating 1 out of 5]

An act of nuclear terrorism occurs and is given two pages of attention. What does get attention is mind numbing details outlining the most sophomoric idea for a global government I have ever seen.

[Laura · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is entertaining to talk about, but not entertaining to read.

[Captnamerca · Rating 1 out of 5]

I wouldn't trust the author to run an HOA.

[Bryan Woerner · Rating 1 out of 5]

I really don’t know what possessed Charles Kim to write this. However, it’s still more coherent than Shadow Moon.

[John Kropewnicki · Rating 1 out of 5]

Grandpa no!