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Asperger's and Girls
Winner of the Gold Award in the 2006 ForeWord Book of the Year competition, this groundbreaking book describes the unique challenges of women and girls with Asperger’s Syndrome. In it, you’ll read candid stories written by the indomitable women who have lived them. You’ll also hear from experts who discuss whether “Aspie girls” are slipping under the radar, undiagnosed; why many AS women feel like a minority within a minority (outnumbered by men 4:1); practical solutions school systems can implement for girls; social tips for teenage girls, navigating puberty, the transition to work or university, and the importance of careers.
152 pages, Paperback
First published December 31, 2006
49 people are currently reading
879 people want to read
About the author
Tony Attwood
240 books188 followersTony Attwood is an English psychologist who lives in Queensland, Australia and is an author of several books on Asperger's Syndrome. He received an honours degree in psychology from the University of Hull, an M.A. in clinical psychology from the University of Surrey, and a Ph.D. from University College London under Uta Frith. His book, Asperger's Syndrome: A Guide for Parents and Professionals, provides information on diagnosis, problems of social relations, sensory issues, motor control and other typical issues which face people with Asperger's and their support networks. The book has now been translated into 20 languages. Attwood also has a clinical practice at his diagnostic and treatment clinic for children and adults with Asperger’s Syndrome, in Brisbane, begun in 1992.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 71 reviews
August 23, 2010
I was deeply disappointed by this book, most especially with the chapter by Lisa Iland. Temple Grandin and Tony Attwood appear in only one chapter each, so the marketing that this book was authored by them is deceptive and disappointing. I appreciate all of the work they have done with ASD. Unfortunately, the majority of this book was about attempting to change young girls and women with ASD, rather than helping them to understand themselves and be happy with who they are.
Lisa Iland should be taken out of the autism community with a quick push over the edge. I would rather see autistic women and young girls listen to anyone's advice but Lisa's. Lisa has made a career out of her autistic brother and her encouragement of pretention and inauthentic posturing is shocking at best. I was horrified by a number of her statements which reeked of the importance of creating a mainsteam image to fit in instead of finding a path to inner peace and happiness despite the challenges that girls and young women on the spectrum face. Another instance of a fish trying to teach birds how to fly, and a bottom feeding one at that.
Lisa Iland should be taken out of the autism community with a quick push over the edge. I would rather see autistic women and young girls listen to anyone's advice but Lisa's. Lisa has made a career out of her autistic brother and her encouragement of pretention and inauthentic posturing is shocking at best. I was horrified by a number of her statements which reeked of the importance of creating a mainsteam image to fit in instead of finding a path to inner peace and happiness despite the challenges that girls and young women on the spectrum face. Another instance of a fish trying to teach birds how to fly, and a bottom feeding one at that.
June 17, 2014
I'd probably rate this more of a 2.5 than a 3.
Each chapter is written by a different author, and some were very good in providing helpful and accurate information(for example, I greatly enjoyed the chapters by Tony Atwood, Sheila Wagner, and Catherine Faherty). I absolutely adored Jennifer McIlwee Myers' chapter. She has Asperger's herself, and she talked about some important issues in a sensitive, insightful way. By actually knowing what it's like, she was able to talk on a more personal level and address the needs of Asperger girls from her own experience, and I found that invaluable.
Other chapters almost seemed condescending, like Mary Wrobel's chapter. Ruth Snyer's chapter seemed out of place but was nonetheless fascinating, and one chapter actually infuriated me.
Lisa Iland's chapter was lengthy and worse than just useless - the things she's touting could potentially even be harmful. I honestly do not think this woman should be giving anyone advice, let alone girls with ASsperger's. She goes on and on about "how to fit in" by advising to pretend to be someone you're not. Social acceptance and popularity seem to be everything to her, and she has made it her goal in life to provide detached, step-by-step instructions on how to make friends - no matter that you don't genuinely find these "friends" interesting nor enjoy hanging out with them. In fact, her guide sounds like a recipe for unhappiness for people who have no interest in celebrities and other common teenage girl obsessions. But of course it doesn't matter what you like to do - if you want to fit in and have friends, you had better watch MTV and talk about Snooki's problems or you're going to be forever alone.
I think I've made it pretty clear that I found Lisa Iland's chapter repulsive, but all in all the book was worth the time to read. Of course, it's a small book and only took a couple hours to get through, so slower readers might want to pick something else up.
Each chapter is written by a different author, and some were very good in providing helpful and accurate information(for example, I greatly enjoyed the chapters by Tony Atwood, Sheila Wagner, and Catherine Faherty). I absolutely adored Jennifer McIlwee Myers' chapter. She has Asperger's herself, and she talked about some important issues in a sensitive, insightful way. By actually knowing what it's like, she was able to talk on a more personal level and address the needs of Asperger girls from her own experience, and I found that invaluable.
Other chapters almost seemed condescending, like Mary Wrobel's chapter. Ruth Snyer's chapter seemed out of place but was nonetheless fascinating, and one chapter actually infuriated me.
Lisa Iland's chapter was lengthy and worse than just useless - the things she's touting could potentially even be harmful. I honestly do not think this woman should be giving anyone advice, let alone girls with ASsperger's. She goes on and on about "how to fit in" by advising to pretend to be someone you're not. Social acceptance and popularity seem to be everything to her, and she has made it her goal in life to provide detached, step-by-step instructions on how to make friends - no matter that you don't genuinely find these "friends" interesting nor enjoy hanging out with them. In fact, her guide sounds like a recipe for unhappiness for people who have no interest in celebrities and other common teenage girl obsessions. But of course it doesn't matter what you like to do - if you want to fit in and have friends, you had better watch MTV and talk about Snooki's problems or you're going to be forever alone.
I think I've made it pretty clear that I found Lisa Iland's chapter repulsive, but all in all the book was worth the time to read. Of course, it's a small book and only took a couple hours to get through, so slower readers might want to pick something else up.
September 8, 2014
This book disappointed me. It had so much potential that was completely missed that it's downright sad. The book comes off with promises of "up-to-date information" about AS in girls and women, but it hardly even mentions anything like that.
I absolutely must mention right away how AWFUL the chapter by Lisa Iland was. That chapter should never have been included in this book, and I worry for any girl with AS that may have read this book and attempted to take her horrible advice. The woman only has a brother on the spectrum. I personally don't feel that gives her any true authority in this field. Her contribution to this book is everything you DO NOT want to do with your daughter, whether or not she has AS. Highlighting that there are certain social no-nos and that there's something of a hierarchy within the social world of girls is one thing, but this woman blatantly comes out and says that girls with AS should CHANGE THEMSELVES to make others happy. She tells girls to pretend to care about things like fashion, current hairstyle trends, trendy music, and celebrities if this is not something they are actually interested in. This is insisted so that a girl with AS will be able to find friends. In other words, this woman is telling girls with AS to not be true to themselves and to pretend to be something they are not in order to obtain friends. What she doesn't seem to ever get into is what happens when said "friends" discover that the girl with AS was being fake the whole time to catch their attention. Making friends is important to a point, but NOT if you must be FAKE and untrue to yourself to do so. Those are not real friends and no one, AS or not, will be happy in that situation.
Other chapters of the book were pretty good, such as Jennifer McIlwee Myers' chapter "Aspie Do's and Don'ts: Dating, Relationships, and Marriage". In this chapter, girls are told to seek potential friends and mates based on their actual interests, not by being fake. A lot of things she said were the total opposite of what Iland said, and Myers' advice is much, much better.
Many chapters of the book seemed rather pointless, or it took far too long to actually come to the point at all.
The editing, I feel, is also rather poor. I stumbled across many typographical errors I'm unsure how the publishers missed during the editing process. Sloppy!
I honestly cannot recommend this book be given to girls with AS, or even really to anyone who knows of a girl or woman with AS, as this information is not, as I see it, appropriately delivered. It's not a horrible book. I've read worse. But it's not good, either.
I absolutely must mention right away how AWFUL the chapter by Lisa Iland was. That chapter should never have been included in this book, and I worry for any girl with AS that may have read this book and attempted to take her horrible advice. The woman only has a brother on the spectrum. I personally don't feel that gives her any true authority in this field. Her contribution to this book is everything you DO NOT want to do with your daughter, whether or not she has AS. Highlighting that there are certain social no-nos and that there's something of a hierarchy within the social world of girls is one thing, but this woman blatantly comes out and says that girls with AS should CHANGE THEMSELVES to make others happy. She tells girls to pretend to care about things like fashion, current hairstyle trends, trendy music, and celebrities if this is not something they are actually interested in. This is insisted so that a girl with AS will be able to find friends. In other words, this woman is telling girls with AS to not be true to themselves and to pretend to be something they are not in order to obtain friends. What she doesn't seem to ever get into is what happens when said "friends" discover that the girl with AS was being fake the whole time to catch their attention. Making friends is important to a point, but NOT if you must be FAKE and untrue to yourself to do so. Those are not real friends and no one, AS or not, will be happy in that situation.
Other chapters of the book were pretty good, such as Jennifer McIlwee Myers' chapter "Aspie Do's and Don'ts: Dating, Relationships, and Marriage". In this chapter, girls are told to seek potential friends and mates based on their actual interests, not by being fake. A lot of things she said were the total opposite of what Iland said, and Myers' advice is much, much better.
Many chapters of the book seemed rather pointless, or it took far too long to actually come to the point at all.
The editing, I feel, is also rather poor. I stumbled across many typographical errors I'm unsure how the publishers missed during the editing process. Sloppy!
I honestly cannot recommend this book be given to girls with AS, or even really to anyone who knows of a girl or woman with AS, as this information is not, as I see it, appropriately delivered. It's not a horrible book. I've read worse. But it's not good, either.
April 12, 2018
I was very disappointed in this book, the book is a compilation of contributing writers, some with Aspergers, some without. Tony Attwood only contributes at the start of the book. As a woman with Aspergers who works with people with Aspergers and has a son with Aspergers, I found this book inaccurate in places, annoying in others and some of the contributing writers even contradicted each other. I don't think the book effectively portrays a true picture of AS in girls/women at all.
The book made me angry in places as to the inaccuracy of the information, such as stating that an early sign of AS in school age girls is messy, sloppy handwriting and that AS girls won't be as interested or able to colour-in between the lines, whilst this may be true for a percentage of girls with AS it's not a defining notable "sign". I mean hey, I won a competition in England at age 7 for having the neatest handwriting in England! I also never ever went over the lines when colouring in as I was and still am an attention to detail person and perfectionist. I was horrified that parents and professionals may read this book and take it as gospel.
The chapter on navigating the social hierarchy of girls in school was ridiculous, there is no way a young girl/teen with AS could absorb, follow or act on the complex social rules suggested by the writer (who isn't on the spectrum herself however her brother is) High school is a minefield for girls with AS and that chapter simply would be too confusing and the tactics unlikely to work in my experience of being (once upon a time) a teen with Aspergers and also from my years working with teenage girls on the spectrum.
The best chapters were by the writers who had Aspergers themselves, some better than others. I always find if you want to truly understand Aspergers then ask an Aspie, they know best right? They live with it daily, simple really.
The book was disjointed, badly edited and overall a confusing portrayal of Aspergers in Girls, very sad as we desperately need good books about women and girls with Aspergers. I essentially would not recommend this book, and fluctuate between giving it one star or two, I gave it two simply for the couple of good sections that contributing writers with Aspergers wrote. There are much better books on the market if you want to understand Aspergers in girls/women, I think I've read them all now.
The book made me angry in places as to the inaccuracy of the information, such as stating that an early sign of AS in school age girls is messy, sloppy handwriting and that AS girls won't be as interested or able to colour-in between the lines, whilst this may be true for a percentage of girls with AS it's not a defining notable "sign". I mean hey, I won a competition in England at age 7 for having the neatest handwriting in England! I also never ever went over the lines when colouring in as I was and still am an attention to detail person and perfectionist. I was horrified that parents and professionals may read this book and take it as gospel.
The chapter on navigating the social hierarchy of girls in school was ridiculous, there is no way a young girl/teen with AS could absorb, follow or act on the complex social rules suggested by the writer (who isn't on the spectrum herself however her brother is) High school is a minefield for girls with AS and that chapter simply would be too confusing and the tactics unlikely to work in my experience of being (once upon a time) a teen with Aspergers and also from my years working with teenage girls on the spectrum.
The best chapters were by the writers who had Aspergers themselves, some better than others. I always find if you want to truly understand Aspergers then ask an Aspie, they know best right? They live with it daily, simple really.
The book was disjointed, badly edited and overall a confusing portrayal of Aspergers in Girls, very sad as we desperately need good books about women and girls with Aspergers. I essentially would not recommend this book, and fluctuate between giving it one star or two, I gave it two simply for the couple of good sections that contributing writers with Aspergers wrote. There are much better books on the market if you want to understand Aspergers in girls/women, I think I've read them all now.
January 25, 2015
I'll start by saying that the rating is reflective of the poor editing and the horrible chapter by Lisa Iland.
The chapter by Lisa Iland enumerated all of the ways to act or become "normal" and ingratiate oneself with popular kids in high school. Because Iland wrote this section as if the behaviors were strict rules, girls on the spectrum could feel like they were doing something wrong if they lived outside the boundaries. While I understand that Iland's intent was to prevent suffering (through exclusion and bullying), forcing kids into particular patterns of behavior and making them conform to neurotypical social goals could cause just as much suffering.
Other chapters, such as the chapter by Catherine Faherty on the intersection of being neurodiverse and a woman, were thoughtful and well-written.
I particularly enjoyed "Aspie Do's and Dont's: Dating, Relationships, and Marriage" by Jennifer McIlwee Myers. This chapter focused on encouraging women to seek partners (if they want to seek partners!) that allow them to be themselves and encourage and embrace their neurodiversity. Myers manages to integrate a ton of information with humor.
I would not recommend this book to anyone, especially girls on the spectrum, but I would recommend the Myers and Faherty chapters.
The chapter by Lisa Iland enumerated all of the ways to act or become "normal" and ingratiate oneself with popular kids in high school. Because Iland wrote this section as if the behaviors were strict rules, girls on the spectrum could feel like they were doing something wrong if they lived outside the boundaries. While I understand that Iland's intent was to prevent suffering (through exclusion and bullying), forcing kids into particular patterns of behavior and making them conform to neurotypical social goals could cause just as much suffering.
Other chapters, such as the chapter by Catherine Faherty on the intersection of being neurodiverse and a woman, were thoughtful and well-written.
I particularly enjoyed "Aspie Do's and Dont's: Dating, Relationships, and Marriage" by Jennifer McIlwee Myers. This chapter focused on encouraging women to seek partners (if they want to seek partners!) that allow them to be themselves and encourage and embrace their neurodiversity. Myers manages to integrate a ton of information with humor.
I would not recommend this book to anyone, especially girls on the spectrum, but I would recommend the Myers and Faherty chapters.
June 19, 2012
An interesting and insightful book. However, if focuses a lot on interplay between other girls and as a child growing up I was not interested in other girls. Being a logical person I did not understand their emotionally dominated thought processes or playing with doles and being a princess or interest in boys. I wanted to know how things worked and why, i wanted to build things, line up cars and sort out collections of books.
While this book was very revealing, I would of loved to hear more about the 'tomboy' and any insights into their behaviour etc.
While this book was very revealing, I would of loved to hear more about the 'tomboy' and any insights into their behaviour etc.
April 7, 2010
I didn't like the way puberty and menstruation were treated in this book. There was a chapter that referred to menstrual pads and tampons as "dirty" and that really made me mad!
August 4, 2019
I have never been formally diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome; however, I do have certain tendencies that make me think I might be on the spectrum. I am extremely introverted. Although I enjoy purposeful conversastion for work or school, socializing for the sake of socializing exhausts me. But I understand that might just mean I am extremely introverted and not lend itself to an Asperger’s diagnoses.
I became interested in learning more about Asperger’s syndrome after binge-watching Dr. Tony Attwood’s lecture series on YouTube. A lot of what he said about how Asperger’s affects women and girls resonated with me. It was powerful. It was like hearing somebody express what I have not been able to.
So naturally when I saw this book, I wanted to read it. However, after finishing it, I feel like they featured Dr. Tony Attwood’s name more for marketing purposes than anything else. There is only a chapter that features him in it. The rest of the book is actually so different from his lecture series, which heavily emphasize self-acceptance.
There were portions of this book that encourage girls and women with Asperger’s syndrome to change their personality, looks, and so forth in order to fit in and attract a partner. That was not the type of book I was trying to read here.
I wish this book instead focused on understanding why girls and women with Asperger’s syndrome are perceived as different. This book should have included more research and case studies instead of just featuring anecdotal evidence.
I think while the intentions for writing this book were good, it felt awfully superficial. It would mention meaningful topics, only to skim on them, and move onto something else. If you are interested in learning about Asperger’s and Girls then I would suggest watching Dr. Tony Attwood’s lecture series on YouTube and skipping reading this book entirely.
My only compliment is that reading this book did make me feel less alone and some of the women featured in it did help me emphasize with my situation a tad bit better.
I became interested in learning more about Asperger’s syndrome after binge-watching Dr. Tony Attwood’s lecture series on YouTube. A lot of what he said about how Asperger’s affects women and girls resonated with me. It was powerful. It was like hearing somebody express what I have not been able to.
So naturally when I saw this book, I wanted to read it. However, after finishing it, I feel like they featured Dr. Tony Attwood’s name more for marketing purposes than anything else. There is only a chapter that features him in it. The rest of the book is actually so different from his lecture series, which heavily emphasize self-acceptance.
There were portions of this book that encourage girls and women with Asperger’s syndrome to change their personality, looks, and so forth in order to fit in and attract a partner. That was not the type of book I was trying to read here.
I wish this book instead focused on understanding why girls and women with Asperger’s syndrome are perceived as different. This book should have included more research and case studies instead of just featuring anecdotal evidence.
I think while the intentions for writing this book were good, it felt awfully superficial. It would mention meaningful topics, only to skim on them, and move onto something else. If you are interested in learning about Asperger’s and Girls then I would suggest watching Dr. Tony Attwood’s lecture series on YouTube and skipping reading this book entirely.
My only compliment is that reading this book did make me feel less alone and some of the women featured in it did help me emphasize with my situation a tad bit better.
October 9, 2014
I think I was expecting more for what I paid for this book and I didn't get it.
The best essay for me came from Jennifer McIlwee Myers who related the AS rules for dating, relationships, and marriage. Her advice was practical, funny, and sensible. Thus, I would recommend reading more of Myers who has written about sensory issues and how to cope with them.
There is another volume of this book with different authors. I'm going to give that a read and see if I can't find more to say about this text, from which I expected an awful lot.
The best essay for me came from Jennifer McIlwee Myers who related the AS rules for dating, relationships, and marriage. Her advice was practical, funny, and sensible. Thus, I would recommend reading more of Myers who has written about sensory issues and how to cope with them.
There is another volume of this book with different authors. I'm going to give that a read and see if I can't find more to say about this text, from which I expected an awful lot.
December 25, 2012
Some good sections, but burning, unacknowledged heteronormativity and some other very problematic parts.
July 31, 2020
Nadat een oud-studiegenoot op 29(!)-jarige leeftijd de diagnose Autisme-Spectrum Stoornis kreeg (zoals Asperger tegenwoordig wordt genoemd) werd ik nieuwsgierig. Vanuit mijn oogpunt, als leek, was die studiegenoot namelijk volkomen "normaal." Echt, volledig neurotypisch, totaal niet afwijkend, in geen enkel opzicht. Hoezo, autisme?
Ik begon aan dit boek omdat ik graag duidelijkheid wilde over de manier waarop ASS zich manifesteert bij meisjes/vrouwen en hoe dit dan gediagnostiseerd wordt.
Uit schaars wetenschappelijk onderzoek blijkt namelijk dat meisjes met autisme vaak sociaal vaardiger zijn dan jongens, waardoor hun stoornis minder opvalt en vaak laat ontdekt wordt.
Dit boek noemt dat ook, maar voegt er verder niks aan toe. Vrijwel het hele boek is namelijk gestoeld op anekdote (er worden af en toe wel bronnen aangehaald, maar het hele boek is gestoeld op slechts 20 artikelen en boeken - extreem weinig).
Uiteraard is dat niet per se de schuld van de auteurs: er is simpelweg bizar weinig onderzoek naar vrouwen met ASS gedaan, met als gevolg dat je al snel in anekdotisch bewijsmateriaal vervalt.
Daarnaast is dit boek gepubliceerd in 2008, en de meeste aangehaalde studies zijn daardoor ook al zo'n twintig jaar oud.
(Ik vraag me af of er sindsdien wel meer wetenschappelijke aandacht voor vrouwen met ASS is!)
Hoewel het de auteurs dus niet echt aan te rekenen valt dat het boek vooral op persoonlijke ervaring is gestoeld, vind ik het wel kwalijk dat er van alles wordt gemeld met een ongelooflijke stelligheid. Zo van: "Meisjes met Asperger zijn niet geïnteresseerd in relaties."
Of: "Meisjes met Asperger kunnen vaak hele lappen tekst onthouden."
Huh? Als er zo weinig wetenschappelijk onderzoek is gedaan, hoe kun je dit dan opschrijven alsof het universele waarheden betreft?
Als gevolg van dit gebrek aan degelijke onderbouwing staat het boek ook bol van de tegenstrijdigheden. Een aantal hoofdstukken na de claim dat meisjes met Asperger zo'n goed geheugen hebben, komt een anekdote voor over een meisje dat het niet leek te redden op haar vervolgopleiding omdat ze zo'n moeite had met de hoeveelheid leerstof.
Ook wordt een aantal keer gezegd dat men moet proberen meisjes met ASS sociale vaardigheden aan te leren omdat ze daardoor gemaakt worden tot iets wat ze helemaal niet zijn. Aan het eind van het boek sluit Temple Grandin echter af door te zeggen dat "sociale vaardigheden heel belangrijk" zijn. Um...
Wat me misschien nog wel het meest stoorde waren de constante verwijzingen naar tienermeisjes die moeite zouden hebben met "vriendjes" en trouwen. Dat zal uiteraard voorkomen.
Maar er wordt NUL aandacht besteed aan het feit dat mensen met autisme TWEE tot DRIE keer zo vaak onderdeel uitmaken van de LGBT-gemeenschap. Uit een (Nederlandse!) studie bleek zelfs dat slechts 57% van vrouwen met Asperger/ASS zich identificeerden als hetero.
(https://sparkforautism.org/discover_a...)
Nogmaals: onderzoek is ook wat dit betreft nogal beperkt. Maar gezien de cijfers die WEL bestaan, vormt het negeren van seksuele diversiteit nogal een blinde vlek in dit boek. Helemaal aangezien er relatief veel hoofdstukken worden besteed aan de puberteit en seksuele voorlichting.
Goed, waarom dan toch twee sterren, in plaats van één?
Als je een kind of ander familielid hebt dat de diagnose ASS heeft gekregen, en je weet er he-le-maal niks vanaf, dan krijg je hier een redelijke indruk van de problemen waar mensen met ASS mogelijk tegenaan lopen. Als startpunt is het dus een redelijk boek.
Maar als je je er van tevoren ook maar enigszins in hebt verdiept, dan voegt dit boek niets toe.
Rest voor mij de vraag: hoe wordt die diagnose nu eigenlijk gesteld? En dan vooral bij vrouwen, gezien de schaarse wetenschappelijke literatuur hierover?
Dat is me nog steeds niet duidelijk...misschien dat ik er meer over moet lezen.
Ik begon aan dit boek omdat ik graag duidelijkheid wilde over de manier waarop ASS zich manifesteert bij meisjes/vrouwen en hoe dit dan gediagnostiseerd wordt.
Uit schaars wetenschappelijk onderzoek blijkt namelijk dat meisjes met autisme vaak sociaal vaardiger zijn dan jongens, waardoor hun stoornis minder opvalt en vaak laat ontdekt wordt.
Dit boek noemt dat ook, maar voegt er verder niks aan toe. Vrijwel het hele boek is namelijk gestoeld op anekdote (er worden af en toe wel bronnen aangehaald, maar het hele boek is gestoeld op slechts 20 artikelen en boeken - extreem weinig).
Uiteraard is dat niet per se de schuld van de auteurs: er is simpelweg bizar weinig onderzoek naar vrouwen met ASS gedaan, met als gevolg dat je al snel in anekdotisch bewijsmateriaal vervalt.
Daarnaast is dit boek gepubliceerd in 2008, en de meeste aangehaalde studies zijn daardoor ook al zo'n twintig jaar oud.
(Ik vraag me af of er sindsdien wel meer wetenschappelijke aandacht voor vrouwen met ASS is!)
Hoewel het de auteurs dus niet echt aan te rekenen valt dat het boek vooral op persoonlijke ervaring is gestoeld, vind ik het wel kwalijk dat er van alles wordt gemeld met een ongelooflijke stelligheid. Zo van: "Meisjes met Asperger zijn niet geïnteresseerd in relaties."
Of: "Meisjes met Asperger kunnen vaak hele lappen tekst onthouden."
Huh? Als er zo weinig wetenschappelijk onderzoek is gedaan, hoe kun je dit dan opschrijven alsof het universele waarheden betreft?
Als gevolg van dit gebrek aan degelijke onderbouwing staat het boek ook bol van de tegenstrijdigheden. Een aantal hoofdstukken na de claim dat meisjes met Asperger zo'n goed geheugen hebben, komt een anekdote voor over een meisje dat het niet leek te redden op haar vervolgopleiding omdat ze zo'n moeite had met de hoeveelheid leerstof.
Ook wordt een aantal keer gezegd dat men moet proberen meisjes met ASS sociale vaardigheden aan te leren omdat ze daardoor gemaakt worden tot iets wat ze helemaal niet zijn. Aan het eind van het boek sluit Temple Grandin echter af door te zeggen dat "sociale vaardigheden heel belangrijk" zijn. Um...
Wat me misschien nog wel het meest stoorde waren de constante verwijzingen naar tienermeisjes die moeite zouden hebben met "vriendjes" en trouwen. Dat zal uiteraard voorkomen.
Maar er wordt NUL aandacht besteed aan het feit dat mensen met autisme TWEE tot DRIE keer zo vaak onderdeel uitmaken van de LGBT-gemeenschap. Uit een (Nederlandse!) studie bleek zelfs dat slechts 57% van vrouwen met Asperger/ASS zich identificeerden als hetero.
(https://sparkforautism.org/discover_a...)
Nogmaals: onderzoek is ook wat dit betreft nogal beperkt. Maar gezien de cijfers die WEL bestaan, vormt het negeren van seksuele diversiteit nogal een blinde vlek in dit boek. Helemaal aangezien er relatief veel hoofdstukken worden besteed aan de puberteit en seksuele voorlichting.
Goed, waarom dan toch twee sterren, in plaats van één?
Als je een kind of ander familielid hebt dat de diagnose ASS heeft gekregen, en je weet er he-le-maal niks vanaf, dan krijg je hier een redelijke indruk van de problemen waar mensen met ASS mogelijk tegenaan lopen. Als startpunt is het dus een redelijk boek.
Maar als je je er van tevoren ook maar enigszins in hebt verdiept, dan voegt dit boek niets toe.
Rest voor mij de vraag: hoe wordt die diagnose nu eigenlijk gesteld? En dan vooral bij vrouwen, gezien de schaarse wetenschappelijke literatuur hierover?
Dat is me nog steeds niet duidelijk...misschien dat ik er meer over moet lezen.
July 1, 2020
This book was disappointing to someone who just received a diagnosis that their daughter has Aspergers. I feel like instead of being informative, it created fear. There were maybe a handful of useful pieces of information but this is not a book I would recommend to people, especially ones who are just newly dealing with a diagnosis and are wanting hopeful, clear information.
November 4, 2025
Found this at my local Utah Deseret Industries thrift store and about halfway through this short, only 150 pages and 9 chapters, 2006 reference guide, I realized why someone tossed this book into the Donation Box-the misleading title. This is for parents who have daughters with Asperger's.
And by the way, this term was recently scrapped as a formal diagnosis name. As of 2013, the term Asperger's Syndrome was moved under the umbrella of "Autism Spectrum Disorder" or ASD with varying levels of severity.
I read Tony Attwood's book "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" back in 2020 and found it very helpful in understanding my special condition as an adult who was diagnosed late in life. His only contribution is the first chapter of this book, information I already read in his other book.
Chapter 2 acknowledges the frustration all women and girls with undiagnosed ASD should feel at being so glaringly left out from the academic and medical fields that specialize in the autism spectrum. Boys really do get all the attention, discussions and diagnosis because their social awkwardness is expressed in very obvious ways due to a boy's tendency to act out and get physical. Only recently did the experts realize the other half of the population on earth might also be suffering in silence from being on the Autism Spectrum but since girls express and cope with their disability differently than boys-withdrawing and just trying to fit in without attracting so much negative attention-they could fly under the radar. Nobody cared.
After reading this book, I'm not all that convinced anything has changed.
Chapter 3 is for the parents, teachers, school counselors and psychologists who interact daily with all types of students in all K-12 grades to help them be on the lookout for the girl who is "odd" and doesn't seem to fit in when it comes to making and keeping friends due to her poor social skills and struggling academic success. These girls need appropriate educational programs so the adults can better aid their development and transition to the next phases of life.
Nobody liked Chapter 4. Written by a commoner who has zero degrees in psychology, just a Communications degree, she took the liberty of writing a book for her brother (not a GIRL to whom this book is supposed to be directed!) who has ASD basically titled a "Teen Guide to How to Fit in Socially" it is no help to someone with Asperger's or ASD and I should know. I also found this chapter not only completely unhelpful but offensive as the author has the condescending attitude that if a girl with ASD simply changes her attitude, even gets a makeover, then all her problems will be magically solved.
Um, Lisa, I also read "Queen Bees and Wannabees" by Rosalind Wiseman (2002) and immediately recognized myself as "The Target" in the social hierarchy of "Girl World" where navigating friendship, bullying and fitting in is an absolute nightmare for middle and high school girls with ASD. Mind you it got a little better my Junior and Senior years as everyone is mature enough by this point to just ignore the social outcast and the bullying directed at her pretty much stops as everyone just wants to graduate and move on to the exciting world of adulthood.
Which brings us to our next two chapters: "Preparing for Puberty" and "The Transition from High School to the Great Beyond" We want our teenage girls with ASD to find safe places, be true to themselves (a complete contradiction to Lisa's chapter!) and not get raped thanks to their naivete and inability to pick up on the warning signs of an alpha male who will easily take advantage of her as an easy target and victim. 80% of girls with disabilities such as ASD are victims of molestation and sexual abuse.
It happened to me at age 21 in an off-campus college apartment, the perp may not have been targeting me specifically as he entered our unlocked apartment in the early morning hours but I was rudely awakened by his fondling hand. His intent was to rape me and would kill me if I screamed. I screamed anyway. This act alerted my roommate in the other bed. He fled and it took me years to get over this incident thanks to my hyper sensitivity due to my then-unknown undiagnosed ASD. Bullying from boys throughout middle and high school had made establishing relationships of trust near impossible and this little molestation didn't help one bit.
Chapter 7 on "Dating, Relationships and Marriage" was much too long and I started skimming it as I found it hard to relate to a 40 year old woman who, despite having Asperger's, still managed to find a man who "got her" despite him being 13 years older and they have been happily married for many years now. She also found a good career for herself as a tech writer for computer magazines. She insists while relationships for women (not girls so why is this chapter even in here?) with Asperger's are still important to have, she can still find a happy and fulfilling life without marriage or family formation. Have sex outside marriage, go on dates, get a boyfriend, she says, but only if it's YOUR choice. Vague advice for any woman both on or off the Autism Spectrum.
So why did YOU conform, then?
Chapter 8 was even LONGER and even MORE frustrating. Ruth is a Registered Nurse, not diagnosed with Autism (not specifically Asperger's) until later in life as an adult. To my great dismay, this chapter was just a "Single Mom Story" that any 17 year old whether on the Spectrum or not could have happen to her with a teen pregnancy, marrying another man and having another child with him then divorcing and getting into yet another bad relationship again and, that's right folks, got pregnant yet AGAIN eventually ending up a single mom to FOUR children, two of them also diagnosed with Autism.
But she developed GREAT maternal instincts! Well, I always liked to think I had great maternal instincts too but should I blame my ASD for having such high standards??? Now that I'm over age 50 struggling with the devastating reality of menopause and never having the marriage or family I always dreamed of, where in this book is the girl or woman "Left Behind" like me?
The final chapter is all this book has to offer in answer to my above query. It is only 3 pages long, written by the other co-author of this book, Temple Grandin, and she doesn't have much to say or offer any good advice to give to women or girls with ASD in finding a career and meaningful life with their disability. She has never married because it was something she just wasn't interested in and therefore lives a celibate life. She is reasonably happy, keeps herself very busy with projects and her fulfilling work and satisfying career. She admits this lifestyle might not be for everyone with Asperger's. For her, not conforming to society's relationship standards is her choice and she makes it work for her.
I assume her Asperger's didn't come with menstrual cycles.
Glad I only paid $1.50 for this book. Don't waste your money. If you identify as a female on the Autism Spectrum there's got to be a better book out there more helpful than this one!
And by the way, this term was recently scrapped as a formal diagnosis name. As of 2013, the term Asperger's Syndrome was moved under the umbrella of "Autism Spectrum Disorder" or ASD with varying levels of severity.
I read Tony Attwood's book "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" back in 2020 and found it very helpful in understanding my special condition as an adult who was diagnosed late in life. His only contribution is the first chapter of this book, information I already read in his other book.
Chapter 2 acknowledges the frustration all women and girls with undiagnosed ASD should feel at being so glaringly left out from the academic and medical fields that specialize in the autism spectrum. Boys really do get all the attention, discussions and diagnosis because their social awkwardness is expressed in very obvious ways due to a boy's tendency to act out and get physical. Only recently did the experts realize the other half of the population on earth might also be suffering in silence from being on the Autism Spectrum but since girls express and cope with their disability differently than boys-withdrawing and just trying to fit in without attracting so much negative attention-they could fly under the radar. Nobody cared.
After reading this book, I'm not all that convinced anything has changed.
Chapter 3 is for the parents, teachers, school counselors and psychologists who interact daily with all types of students in all K-12 grades to help them be on the lookout for the girl who is "odd" and doesn't seem to fit in when it comes to making and keeping friends due to her poor social skills and struggling academic success. These girls need appropriate educational programs so the adults can better aid their development and transition to the next phases of life.
Nobody liked Chapter 4. Written by a commoner who has zero degrees in psychology, just a Communications degree, she took the liberty of writing a book for her brother (not a GIRL to whom this book is supposed to be directed!) who has ASD basically titled a "Teen Guide to How to Fit in Socially" it is no help to someone with Asperger's or ASD and I should know. I also found this chapter not only completely unhelpful but offensive as the author has the condescending attitude that if a girl with ASD simply changes her attitude, even gets a makeover, then all her problems will be magically solved.
Um, Lisa, I also read "Queen Bees and Wannabees" by Rosalind Wiseman (2002) and immediately recognized myself as "The Target" in the social hierarchy of "Girl World" where navigating friendship, bullying and fitting in is an absolute nightmare for middle and high school girls with ASD. Mind you it got a little better my Junior and Senior years as everyone is mature enough by this point to just ignore the social outcast and the bullying directed at her pretty much stops as everyone just wants to graduate and move on to the exciting world of adulthood.
Which brings us to our next two chapters: "Preparing for Puberty" and "The Transition from High School to the Great Beyond" We want our teenage girls with ASD to find safe places, be true to themselves (a complete contradiction to Lisa's chapter!) and not get raped thanks to their naivete and inability to pick up on the warning signs of an alpha male who will easily take advantage of her as an easy target and victim. 80% of girls with disabilities such as ASD are victims of molestation and sexual abuse.
It happened to me at age 21 in an off-campus college apartment, the perp may not have been targeting me specifically as he entered our unlocked apartment in the early morning hours but I was rudely awakened by his fondling hand. His intent was to rape me and would kill me if I screamed. I screamed anyway. This act alerted my roommate in the other bed. He fled and it took me years to get over this incident thanks to my hyper sensitivity due to my then-unknown undiagnosed ASD. Bullying from boys throughout middle and high school had made establishing relationships of trust near impossible and this little molestation didn't help one bit.
Chapter 7 on "Dating, Relationships and Marriage" was much too long and I started skimming it as I found it hard to relate to a 40 year old woman who, despite having Asperger's, still managed to find a man who "got her" despite him being 13 years older and they have been happily married for many years now. She also found a good career for herself as a tech writer for computer magazines. She insists while relationships for women (not girls so why is this chapter even in here?) with Asperger's are still important to have, she can still find a happy and fulfilling life without marriage or family formation. Have sex outside marriage, go on dates, get a boyfriend, she says, but only if it's YOUR choice. Vague advice for any woman both on or off the Autism Spectrum.
So why did YOU conform, then?
Chapter 8 was even LONGER and even MORE frustrating. Ruth is a Registered Nurse, not diagnosed with Autism (not specifically Asperger's) until later in life as an adult. To my great dismay, this chapter was just a "Single Mom Story" that any 17 year old whether on the Spectrum or not could have happen to her with a teen pregnancy, marrying another man and having another child with him then divorcing and getting into yet another bad relationship again and, that's right folks, got pregnant yet AGAIN eventually ending up a single mom to FOUR children, two of them also diagnosed with Autism.
But she developed GREAT maternal instincts! Well, I always liked to think I had great maternal instincts too but should I blame my ASD for having such high standards??? Now that I'm over age 50 struggling with the devastating reality of menopause and never having the marriage or family I always dreamed of, where in this book is the girl or woman "Left Behind" like me?
The final chapter is all this book has to offer in answer to my above query. It is only 3 pages long, written by the other co-author of this book, Temple Grandin, and she doesn't have much to say or offer any good advice to give to women or girls with ASD in finding a career and meaningful life with their disability. She has never married because it was something she just wasn't interested in and therefore lives a celibate life. She is reasonably happy, keeps herself very busy with projects and her fulfilling work and satisfying career. She admits this lifestyle might not be for everyone with Asperger's. For her, not conforming to society's relationship standards is her choice and she makes it work for her.
I assume her Asperger's didn't come with menstrual cycles.
Glad I only paid $1.50 for this book. Don't waste your money. If you identify as a female on the Autism Spectrum there's got to be a better book out there more helpful than this one!
September 13, 2012
Mixed feelings over this.
Over all I am not that impressed. I am not entirely sure why.
I can't really comment on the early chapters, I forget what they were about.
The big positive and made the entire book worthwhile?
Aspie Do's and Don'ts: Dating, Relationships, and Marriage. The writer of this chapter was awesome and is someone I would in all probability love hanging out with. A rational perspective and writes from various positions. She truly sees with an AS eye and is able to communicate and interrupt with a higher level of intelligence.
The Big Negative that annoyed the crap out of me?
Girl to Girl: Advice on Friendship, Bullying, and Fitting In. I hated this chapter SO much, probably a combination of reasons, luckily some of this shit was counted by other peoples chapters. I think the biggest issue is it is written by an NT who is focused on making AS people fit into an NT world ... this will NEVER work and should be ignored. The best way to know what not to do is to observe, that is what I did, of course I messed up and I received a hell of a lot of flog, but my intelligence allowed me to comprehend what to and not to do to get by. Impressing the top hats should be no ones goal ... another issue is this is written for American schools and is assumed that it is a a natural situation, it is not, there are common factors in all basic nastiness, but the reality is culture and attitude plays a huge part, making much of this trip pointless to the rest of the world.
Other chapters were pretty much neutral, maybe some positive and negative bias. Over-all ... we are outselves and only a few basic rules can help us. The number one rule I would state (and probably my only true rule) is to watch and observe others, it provides you with what they are like, time is another factor, people can't be fake all the time, eventually some a-hole pretending to be someone else will slip up. Don't hurry and don't try too hard. It always ends in disaster.
Over all I am not that impressed. I am not entirely sure why.
I can't really comment on the early chapters, I forget what they were about.
The big positive and made the entire book worthwhile?
Aspie Do's and Don'ts: Dating, Relationships, and Marriage. The writer of this chapter was awesome and is someone I would in all probability love hanging out with. A rational perspective and writes from various positions. She truly sees with an AS eye and is able to communicate and interrupt with a higher level of intelligence.
The Big Negative that annoyed the crap out of me?
Girl to Girl: Advice on Friendship, Bullying, and Fitting In. I hated this chapter SO much, probably a combination of reasons, luckily some of this shit was counted by other peoples chapters. I think the biggest issue is it is written by an NT who is focused on making AS people fit into an NT world ... this will NEVER work and should be ignored. The best way to know what not to do is to observe, that is what I did, of course I messed up and I received a hell of a lot of flog, but my intelligence allowed me to comprehend what to and not to do to get by. Impressing the top hats should be no ones goal ... another issue is this is written for American schools and is assumed that it is a a natural situation, it is not, there are common factors in all basic nastiness, but the reality is culture and attitude plays a huge part, making much of this trip pointless to the rest of the world.
Other chapters were pretty much neutral, maybe some positive and negative bias. Over-all ... we are outselves and only a few basic rules can help us. The number one rule I would state (and probably my only true rule) is to watch and observe others, it provides you with what they are like, time is another factor, people can't be fake all the time, eventually some a-hole pretending to be someone else will slip up. Don't hurry and don't try too hard. It always ends in disaster.
August 19, 2007
Sure, the quality is uneven. Sure, I have issues with the editing. But the essays aimed specifically at girls with Asperger's are very worthwhile.
Even though I don't have AS, I often struggle in social situations, due to social anxiety disorder. Growing up, I read many, many books about "HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS" and "HOW TO BE POPULAR," but I could never use them to make any headway, because they were written for kids with average social skills. The books would always say things like, "Just TALK TO PEOPLE and BE FRIENDLY!"...but I had no idea how to go about doing that. Girls with AS are in a similar boat. The essays in this book give practical, step-by-step guidelines for social interactions and detailed explanations of the adolescent social world: everything from distinguishing friends from acquiantances to entering a conversation to dating and sex. More than once, I found myself wishing I'd had a similar book to consult when I was growing up.
Even though I don't have AS, I often struggle in social situations, due to social anxiety disorder. Growing up, I read many, many books about "HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS" and "HOW TO BE POPULAR," but I could never use them to make any headway, because they were written for kids with average social skills. The books would always say things like, "Just TALK TO PEOPLE and BE FRIENDLY!"...but I had no idea how to go about doing that. Girls with AS are in a similar boat. The essays in this book give practical, step-by-step guidelines for social interactions and detailed explanations of the adolescent social world: everything from distinguishing friends from acquiantances to entering a conversation to dating and sex. More than once, I found myself wishing I'd had a similar book to consult when I was growing up.
September 16, 2024
Seriously?! I mean ... SERIOUSLY!?! Okay, lets calm down and see how I can make this rage coherent.
Firstly, guess who is woefully underrepresented in this book? Exactly. Actual girls with Asperger's. What do you get instead? A bunch of people that are more or less "experts" at something or other that is supposedly relevant to the discussion. These "experts" dish out lots of not so helpful and quite often rather harmful advise - not to actual girls with Asperger's, mind you, but to the ever popular primary caregivers and teachers. And as an extra bonus most of them do this the most insulting and condescending way possible. Considering the harm that could be done if someone actually followed some of that god-awful advise ... There are really only two notable exceptions one might want to check out (before tossing this in the trash). Those are the articles by Tony Attwood and Jennifer McIlwee Myers.
Firstly, guess who is woefully underrepresented in this book? Exactly. Actual girls with Asperger's. What do you get instead? A bunch of people that are more or less "experts" at something or other that is supposedly relevant to the discussion. These "experts" dish out lots of not so helpful and quite often rather harmful advise - not to actual girls with Asperger's, mind you, but to the ever popular primary caregivers and teachers. And as an extra bonus most of them do this the most insulting and condescending way possible. Considering the harm that could be done if someone actually followed some of that god-awful advise ... There are really only two notable exceptions one might want to check out (before tossing this in the trash). Those are the articles by Tony Attwood and Jennifer McIlwee Myers.
June 19, 2016
I have come across this book while researching for an assignment on males and females with autism at the College I work in. Tony Attwood comes highly recommended so I thought I would give this book a go. The book is split into seven chapters written by different autism writers, some with autism themselves. I think that is misleading as it is advertised as written by Tony Attwood with contributions from Temple Grandin but both their sections were really short. I did learn about the perspectives of some that I had not considered but some I flatly do not agree with. Particularly when the writer is discussing how to change for others to fit in. I believe that there is a certain amount of learning of social skills but no requirement for the autistic individual to change their personality and uniqueness just for others. It is a balance but was not presented this way. Overall an interesting read, although I do not agree with all ideas presented.
February 8, 2015
A very disappointing read. Mostly written by people who either aren't experts nor Aspie's themselves and aimed at parents yet discussing such odd issues as marriage and pregnancy which would not arise during childhood.
The book offers little in the way of clear description of the unique difficulties female AS sufferers experience, other than dating will be hard and discuss personal hygiene.
As a female with AS I found the book hugely unrepresentative of the issues I experienced in life, this book continues to perpetuate the myth that AS is the "geek" disease and fails to discuss some of the very real physical manifestations that suffers deal with such as photosensitivity, chronic insomnia, eternal migraines and for many epilepsy.
There's better information on the web, don't bother with this book.
The book offers little in the way of clear description of the unique difficulties female AS sufferers experience, other than dating will be hard and discuss personal hygiene.
As a female with AS I found the book hugely unrepresentative of the issues I experienced in life, this book continues to perpetuate the myth that AS is the "geek" disease and fails to discuss some of the very real physical manifestations that suffers deal with such as photosensitivity, chronic insomnia, eternal migraines and for many epilepsy.
There's better information on the web, don't bother with this book.
April 10, 2017
liked it towards the start but the book quickly became obsessed with trying to pin AS girls into boxes that I feel might be more damaging than helpful. Romantic feelings are expected. Sexual attraction is expected but only if it's heterosexual. These are harmful ideas. I skimmed through the second half of the book.
November 16, 2013
Helped me realize all the things that happened in my life i was unaware of.
I'm not alone in this, after all.
I'm not alone in this, after all.
October 6, 2014
The takeaway here is "change the girl" instead of "accept the girl". Very disappointing.
September 23, 2024
Libro corto e facile da leggere, non è che un insieme eterogeneo di articoli di vari autori sulla sindrome di Asperger al femminile. Come un po' in tutte le raccolte a diverse mani, la qualità dei contenuti oscilla fra alti e bassi tra chi sa affrontare l'argomento con interventi troppo brevi, ma esposti con parole competenti e sensibili (Tony Attwood e Temple Grandin, i cui nomi figurano in copertina per furbe strategie di marketing), e chi invece occupa fin troppe pagine quando dovrebbe solo cambiare mestiere perché con una penna fa più danni di mille spade (Lisa Iland).
Cominciamo proprio da Iland, il cui capitolo si mangia una fetta spropositata e immeritata dello spessore di questo volume. Per definirla un'esperta serve un notevole sforzo di fantasia. Iland suggerisce infatti alle giovani Aspie di corteggiare la massa di adolescenti superficiali per mendicare qualche simpatia da parte loro: consultare Wikipedia per informarsi sui canali televisivi seguiti dai ragazzi neurotipici, ascoltare le ultime boiate in fatto di musica, farsi la ceretta come fanno tutte, interessarsi al make-up come fanno tutte, vestire come fanno tutte. Se poi questo penoso processo di azzeramento della personalità provoca nella ragazza Aspie un esaurimento nervoso di proporzioni bibliche, be', almeno potrà contare sulla sua nuova migliore amica che la conforterà col contatto indesiderato di un braccio che le cinge le spalle.
Capito? Se sei una ragazza con la sindrome di Asperger, l'accettazione sociale da parte dei bimbiminkia si ottiene solo se ti sforzi di essere come loro, anche a costo di abbandonare ogni tratto caratteriale che ti renda remotamente interessante. Che ti renda te stessa. Se Maometto è troppo trasgry e svogliato per fare mezzo passo verso la montagna, la montagna deve sgretolarsi e rotolare verso Maometto. E prostrarsi al suo cospetto. Bene, benissimo, benerrimo! (Sarcasmo mode: ON) Di fatto, Iland promuove l'annullamento della personalità come cura all'isolamento e agli episodi di bullismo fra coetanei, e questo l'ho trovato, pur se motivato dalle migliori intenzioni (ma la strada verso l'inferno è costellata di buone intenzioni, vero?), davvero offensivo.
Cerco di riavvolgere il nastro della mia vita fino agli anni delle superiori e mi chiedo: come mi sarei sentita, allora, se oltre a essere circondata da chiacchiere sul sesso, le sigarette, i pantaloni griffati, Amici di Maria De Filippi, il Grande Fratello, le discussioni sugli orari per andare in discoteca (tutti interessi assolutamente legittimi, eh, ma che accendevano e accendono in me lo stesso entusiasmo che riserverei a una deiezione canina sul marciapiede), avessi avvertito anche una fortissima pressione esterna ad abbandonare i miei interessi fissi per accontentare quelli degli altri (leggasi: dei bulli)? Se fossi stata costretta a fingere, simulare, atteggiarmi a persona che non sono, per poter trovare un posto tra le altre ragazze? Il tutto con parecchia fatica, bruciando la mia "batteria sociale" in metà del tempo. Già si sentiva a casa, in sottofondo, una nenia continua ma blanda di inviti sulla stregua di "ma perché non socializzi di più? ma perché non vesti come loro? ma perché ti isoli? ma perché non esci? ma perché sei così impacciata nello sport? ma perché non hai un ragazzo? ma perché non ti interessa avere un ragazzo? ma perché pensi solo ai libri? ma perché perché perché...".
Non ho una diagnosi ufficiale, ma mi sono immedesimata molto negli scenari descritti nel libro. Come mi sarei sentita, insomma? Ecco, mi sarei sentita infelice. Infelice e circondata da amicizie di comodo, superficiali come pozzanghere, perché come mai potresti (con)fidarti in mezzo a persone che dimostrano puntualmente quanto siano maligne, meschine, disoneste, stronze, pronte a buttarti fuori di casa dopo che hai assolto alla tua funzione di tutor domestico di fisica delle costruzioni perché nello stesso pomeriggio in cui tu attendi alla fermata del bus nel freddo fottuto di dicembre loro si sono date appuntamento alla pista di pattinaggio all'aperto insieme alle amikette? (Questo ricordo, ora che riprendo fiato, puzza ancora di livore, vero?)
Sarei stata molto più infelice e miseranda che se fossi rimasta in completa solitudine in compagnia del libro fantasy del momento (perché si può essere soli e ben accompagnati). Oh, ovviamente c'erano, tra le ragazze, le dovute eccezioni di persone oneste e sincere, ma in numero piuttosto esiguo e alla compagnia delle ragazze ho sempre e comunque preferito quella dei maschi più introversi. Eh ma poi magari scopri che ti piace parlare di mascara o fare a gara a chi si fa deflorare per prima. No, no e ancora no. Fingere di essere chi non si è per essere accettati socialmente non dovrebbe essere un comportamento da incoraggiare, c@zzo! Piuttosto, siate voi genitori a educare al rispetto delle differenze quelle scimmie selvatiche che vi ritrovate per figli/e!?
Il colmo di questo assortimento di articoli si ha con il riuscitissimo excursus di Jennifer McIlwee Myers, che parla alle Aspie adulte / young adult con consigli relazionali prudenti, delicati e diametralmente opposti rispetto alle linee guida suggerite dalla Iland per le adolescenti, alludendo al danno che può fare l'imitazione imposta dall'esterno:
"After all those years of being pushed to imitate and hang out with the most sociable and socially skilled kids at school, many girls with AS will pick out just such people at social events. We’re just following a pattern we’ve been taught. See a problem coming? I thought you would."
Si sottolinea il potenziale sociale degli interessi speciali delle giovani Aspie. La Myers propone la socializzazione selettiva tramite interessi comuni là dove la Iland insiste sulla necessità di dover compiacere tutto e tutti. Come dico spesso... Toc toc, editor? Ci sei?
Rabbrividisco al pensiero che un genitore possa comprare questo libro ed educare la figlia adolescente fermandosi ai consigli della Iland (perché che ragione avrebbe di proseguire la lettura nei capitoli dedicati alla donna adulta?). Inizi a percepire una certa mancanza di competenza - nonché di tatto - quando le parole dell'esperto che stai leggendo non stonerebbero sulla bocca di tua madre che della psicologia Asperger ne sa quanto un cane da tartufo e che pensa che dalla sindrome si possa "guarire" una volta per tutte, come se fosse un malanno stagionale, con una terapia di socializzazione forzata che spesso e purtroppo getta l'ingenua ragazza Asperger nelle grinfie di predatori e manipolatori. Se vi slogaste una caviglia e l'ortopedico vi suggerisse di curarla con maratone di 20 km al giorno, seguireste il suo consiglio o lo colpireste sulla testa con la cartella clinica?
Sull'onda dei consigli da lei proposti nel libro, avrei dovuto cominciare a fumare sigarette, bere fino a ubriacarmi. Perché se non fai ciò che facciamo noi, non considerarti parte del nostro gruppo. Queste non sono strategie di adattamento. Così si fa solo sentire la ragazza Aspie più in difetto di quanto già non si senta nel periodo più emotivamente delicato della sua vita. Si agisce sul senso di colpa ("non vengo accettata perché non mi sforzo abbastanza di fare quello che gli altri fanno naturalmente") per rincorrere un miraggio, perché le compagne socialmente perspicaci odoreranno l'olezzo di menzogna al primo respiro ed escluderanno comunque la compagna stramba, introversa, goffa, ingenua, taciturna ma sempre gentile, puntualmente bullizzata e ora pure leccaculo. Un giorno del secondo anno di superiori le ho sentite confabulare in gran segreto: Siamo tutte un po' cresciute, tranne la Lepisma. Ah ok. Giusto, giustissimo, perché, come fa notare anche la Myers, nell'immaginario collettivo una ragazza è psicologicamente matura solo quando si innamora e trova il principe azzurro col quale instaurare una relazione duratura. Ecco la soluzione: sarebbe bastato riempirmi la bocca delle mie eccitanti esperienze sessuali perché l'età percepita si mettesse in pari con quella anagrafica effettiva! Non è così anche nel mondo adulto, dove la donna diventa degna di essere definita tale solo quando si fa impalmare e sforna un figlio?
Genitori, saltate in tronco il capitolo di Lisa Iland e applicate quanto detto dalla Myers. Poco importa che il pubblico di riferimento abbia qualche anno di più, i suoi consigli sono molto più validi di qualsiasi tentativo di adattamento forzato proposto dalla Iland.
Anziché insegnare agli adolescenti neurotipici ad avere rispetto della diversità (e magari a non eccedere in certi comportamenti deleteri), si incoraggia la diversità a essere meno diversa. Prossimamente si inviteranno i giovani in carrozzina ad alzarsi in piedi per poter ballare la tunz-tunz-tunz-para-para-tunz insieme ai coetanei. Congratunz.
E se dopo tutto 'sto sproloquio tenterete ancora di forzare vostra figlia Aspie a essere come tutte le altre anziché incoraggiarla a vivere la propria diversità con una prospettiva più sana, allora non vi scandalizzate quando al tiggì daranno l'ennesima notizia di cronaca nera di adolescenti che violentano coetanee o si accoltellano a vicenda. Il mostro lo avrete creato voi, insegnando loro, a questi ragazzi sperduti, che è il mondo che deve adattarsi al loro pregiudizio e non il loro pregiudizio che deve essere preso a calci affinché loro diventino capaci di stare al mondo. May we never meet.
"Ognuno è un genio. Ma se si giudica un pesce dalla sua abilità di arrampicarsi sugli alberi lui passerà tutta la sua vita a credersi stupido."
~ Albert Einstein (o così si suppone)
Cominciamo proprio da Iland, il cui capitolo si mangia una fetta spropositata e immeritata dello spessore di questo volume. Per definirla un'esperta serve un notevole sforzo di fantasia. Iland suggerisce infatti alle giovani Aspie di corteggiare la massa di adolescenti superficiali per mendicare qualche simpatia da parte loro: consultare Wikipedia per informarsi sui canali televisivi seguiti dai ragazzi neurotipici, ascoltare le ultime boiate in fatto di musica, farsi la ceretta come fanno tutte, interessarsi al make-up come fanno tutte, vestire come fanno tutte. Se poi questo penoso processo di azzeramento della personalità provoca nella ragazza Aspie un esaurimento nervoso di proporzioni bibliche, be', almeno potrà contare sulla sua nuova migliore amica che la conforterà col contatto indesiderato di un braccio che le cinge le spalle.
Capito? Se sei una ragazza con la sindrome di Asperger, l'accettazione sociale da parte dei bimbiminkia si ottiene solo se ti sforzi di essere come loro, anche a costo di abbandonare ogni tratto caratteriale che ti renda remotamente interessante. Che ti renda te stessa. Se Maometto è troppo trasgry e svogliato per fare mezzo passo verso la montagna, la montagna deve sgretolarsi e rotolare verso Maometto. E prostrarsi al suo cospetto. Bene, benissimo, benerrimo! (Sarcasmo mode: ON) Di fatto, Iland promuove l'annullamento della personalità come cura all'isolamento e agli episodi di bullismo fra coetanei, e questo l'ho trovato, pur se motivato dalle migliori intenzioni (ma la strada verso l'inferno è costellata di buone intenzioni, vero?), davvero offensivo.
Cerco di riavvolgere il nastro della mia vita fino agli anni delle superiori e mi chiedo: come mi sarei sentita, allora, se oltre a essere circondata da chiacchiere sul sesso, le sigarette, i pantaloni griffati, Amici di Maria De Filippi, il Grande Fratello, le discussioni sugli orari per andare in discoteca (tutti interessi assolutamente legittimi, eh, ma che accendevano e accendono in me lo stesso entusiasmo che riserverei a una deiezione canina sul marciapiede), avessi avvertito anche una fortissima pressione esterna ad abbandonare i miei interessi fissi per accontentare quelli degli altri (leggasi: dei bulli)? Se fossi stata costretta a fingere, simulare, atteggiarmi a persona che non sono, per poter trovare un posto tra le altre ragazze? Il tutto con parecchia fatica, bruciando la mia "batteria sociale" in metà del tempo. Già si sentiva a casa, in sottofondo, una nenia continua ma blanda di inviti sulla stregua di "ma perché non socializzi di più? ma perché non vesti come loro? ma perché ti isoli? ma perché non esci? ma perché sei così impacciata nello sport? ma perché non hai un ragazzo? ma perché non ti interessa avere un ragazzo? ma perché pensi solo ai libri? ma perché perché perché...".
Non ho una diagnosi ufficiale, ma mi sono immedesimata molto negli scenari descritti nel libro. Come mi sarei sentita, insomma? Ecco, mi sarei sentita infelice. Infelice e circondata da amicizie di comodo, superficiali come pozzanghere, perché come mai potresti (con)fidarti in mezzo a persone che dimostrano puntualmente quanto siano maligne, meschine, disoneste, stronze, pronte a buttarti fuori di casa dopo che hai assolto alla tua funzione di tutor domestico di fisica delle costruzioni perché nello stesso pomeriggio in cui tu attendi alla fermata del bus nel freddo fottuto di dicembre loro si sono date appuntamento alla pista di pattinaggio all'aperto insieme alle amikette? (Questo ricordo, ora che riprendo fiato, puzza ancora di livore, vero?)
Sarei stata molto più infelice e miseranda che se fossi rimasta in completa solitudine in compagnia del libro fantasy del momento (perché si può essere soli e ben accompagnati). Oh, ovviamente c'erano, tra le ragazze, le dovute eccezioni di persone oneste e sincere, ma in numero piuttosto esiguo e alla compagnia delle ragazze ho sempre e comunque preferito quella dei maschi più introversi. Eh ma poi magari scopri che ti piace parlare di mascara o fare a gara a chi si fa deflorare per prima. No, no e ancora no. Fingere di essere chi non si è per essere accettati socialmente non dovrebbe essere un comportamento da incoraggiare, c@zzo! Piuttosto, siate voi genitori a educare al rispetto delle differenze quelle scimmie selvatiche che vi ritrovate per figli/e!?
Il colmo di questo assortimento di articoli si ha con il riuscitissimo excursus di Jennifer McIlwee Myers, che parla alle Aspie adulte / young adult con consigli relazionali prudenti, delicati e diametralmente opposti rispetto alle linee guida suggerite dalla Iland per le adolescenti, alludendo al danno che può fare l'imitazione imposta dall'esterno:
"After all those years of being pushed to imitate and hang out with the most sociable and socially skilled kids at school, many girls with AS will pick out just such people at social events. We’re just following a pattern we’ve been taught. See a problem coming? I thought you would."
Si sottolinea il potenziale sociale degli interessi speciali delle giovani Aspie. La Myers propone la socializzazione selettiva tramite interessi comuni là dove la Iland insiste sulla necessità di dover compiacere tutto e tutti. Come dico spesso... Toc toc, editor? Ci sei?
Rabbrividisco al pensiero che un genitore possa comprare questo libro ed educare la figlia adolescente fermandosi ai consigli della Iland (perché che ragione avrebbe di proseguire la lettura nei capitoli dedicati alla donna adulta?). Inizi a percepire una certa mancanza di competenza - nonché di tatto - quando le parole dell'esperto che stai leggendo non stonerebbero sulla bocca di tua madre che della psicologia Asperger ne sa quanto un cane da tartufo e che pensa che dalla sindrome si possa "guarire" una volta per tutte, come se fosse un malanno stagionale, con una terapia di socializzazione forzata che spesso e purtroppo getta l'ingenua ragazza Asperger nelle grinfie di predatori e manipolatori. Se vi slogaste una caviglia e l'ortopedico vi suggerisse di curarla con maratone di 20 km al giorno, seguireste il suo consiglio o lo colpireste sulla testa con la cartella clinica?
Sull'onda dei consigli da lei proposti nel libro, avrei dovuto cominciare a fumare sigarette, bere fino a ubriacarmi. Perché se non fai ciò che facciamo noi, non considerarti parte del nostro gruppo. Queste non sono strategie di adattamento. Così si fa solo sentire la ragazza Aspie più in difetto di quanto già non si senta nel periodo più emotivamente delicato della sua vita. Si agisce sul senso di colpa ("non vengo accettata perché non mi sforzo abbastanza di fare quello che gli altri fanno naturalmente") per rincorrere un miraggio, perché le compagne socialmente perspicaci odoreranno l'olezzo di menzogna al primo respiro ed escluderanno comunque la compagna stramba, introversa, goffa, ingenua, taciturna ma sempre gentile, puntualmente bullizzata e ora pure leccaculo. Un giorno del secondo anno di superiori le ho sentite confabulare in gran segreto: Siamo tutte un po' cresciute, tranne la Lepisma. Ah ok. Giusto, giustissimo, perché, come fa notare anche la Myers, nell'immaginario collettivo una ragazza è psicologicamente matura solo quando si innamora e trova il principe azzurro col quale instaurare una relazione duratura. Ecco la soluzione: sarebbe bastato riempirmi la bocca delle mie eccitanti esperienze sessuali perché l'età percepita si mettesse in pari con quella anagrafica effettiva! Non è così anche nel mondo adulto, dove la donna diventa degna di essere definita tale solo quando si fa impalmare e sforna un figlio?
Genitori, saltate in tronco il capitolo di Lisa Iland e applicate quanto detto dalla Myers. Poco importa che il pubblico di riferimento abbia qualche anno di più, i suoi consigli sono molto più validi di qualsiasi tentativo di adattamento forzato proposto dalla Iland.
Anziché insegnare agli adolescenti neurotipici ad avere rispetto della diversità (e magari a non eccedere in certi comportamenti deleteri), si incoraggia la diversità a essere meno diversa. Prossimamente si inviteranno i giovani in carrozzina ad alzarsi in piedi per poter ballare la tunz-tunz-tunz-para-para-tunz insieme ai coetanei. Congratunz.
E se dopo tutto 'sto sproloquio tenterete ancora di forzare vostra figlia Aspie a essere come tutte le altre anziché incoraggiarla a vivere la propria diversità con una prospettiva più sana, allora non vi scandalizzate quando al tiggì daranno l'ennesima notizia di cronaca nera di adolescenti che violentano coetanee o si accoltellano a vicenda. Il mostro lo avrete creato voi, insegnando loro, a questi ragazzi sperduti, che è il mondo che deve adattarsi al loro pregiudizio e non il loro pregiudizio che deve essere preso a calci affinché loro diventino capaci di stare al mondo. May we never meet.
"Ognuno è un genio. Ma se si giudica un pesce dalla sua abilità di arrampicarsi sugli alberi lui passerà tutta la sua vita a credersi stupido."
~ Albert Einstein (o così si suppone)
March 27, 2018
Well it looked good. Award winning, stellar names such as Tony Attwood and Temple Brandon, though actually I had thought Attwood was going to have a lot more to say, other than just introducing this compendium and then giving the chair over to other luminaries in the field connected to work in all things Asperger's.
Temple Grandin at the end just explains she was just not hard-wired to swoon over boys or Beatles but preferred Science Fiction and later on, work and that was that. A woman who knows her mind in more ways than one and is not afraid to say no. Very short and sweet too.
The book is supposed to be about redressing the balance, calling for more recognition for those girls on the spectrum who don't get the acknowledge they need to reach their full potential. Catherine Flaherty in the second essay also draws attentiontion to the fact that is is also much more difficult for girls because the bar set for girls in terms of traditional female qualities in terms of emotional intelligence is so much higher. That is a theme that is returned to later, though I am not sure the solutions offered are always that helpful. Sheila Wagner talks about the need to identify these female students sooner so that they are less likely in the future to fall thorough the academic cracks and not end up being sidelined and depressed.
Teresa Bolick was good I thought at examining the pitfalls of parents' allowing their young adult offspring to fly the nest and being there to negotiate problems without being over-protective or continuing to treat their child as a child.
In addition to Grandin, Ruth Snyder writes about her own story as a woman on the spectrum bringing up her children, also on the spectrum. However, the nebulous way she writes leaves plot holes - possibly a way of coping, her way of writing reminded me of that of Donna Williams, who both experiences neglect and abuse at an early age as well as having to cope with autism. One for the great clinical experts on high to dissect, I suspect though Snyder does depict her own slow road to self-discovery.
The star of the show was the witty and entertaining Jennifer McIlwee Myers, who talks about the do's and song's of dating from an insider point of view, demonstrating that marriage and happiness can be found, though possibly not via the routes that normally might be expected. Hint: it has less to do with prescriptive Swiss finishing-school toady tips on being socially presentable.
But I did not buy this for just the one enjoyable essay. Mary Wrobel's contribution on spectrum issues and puberty was all very well up to a point. Attending to personal hygiene is important for everyone. But she did seem to dwell rather a lot on periods and when with whom to discuss these, as well as when a young aspie girl should be coached to shave her legs if she does not want to get picked on at school and that masturbation should only be performed in private. Wrobel seems to focus on those girls who may be a little lower on the spectrum.
But the one that really got my hackles up and made me wonder why I had spent my money on this was the offering by Lisa Island, who I thought at first must still have been 16 when she deigned to pen these pearls of wisdom for her benighted aspie friends. Mean Girls appears to be her starting point for discussing social heirarchies and pecking orders in the high school setting - social heirarchies and pecking orders exist in the workplace too, but it seems to me this writer still has quite a bit to learn in terms of empathy and sensitivity in imparting this knowledge to her aspie audience.
Is Mean Girls the best kind of neurotypical world the aspie girl should apparently sell herself and compromise on dress sense and social etiquette to conform to? I seem to remember that Desmond Morris likened this kind of social heirarchy to that favoured by chimpanzees.
Ultimately I thought this book was rather uneven in what it has to offer. Schools in general, workplaces in general, do not seem to bring out the best in anyone in terms of either academic or emotional intelligence and that is a context theatre maybe is ignored when looking at a condition which is still massively stigmatised.
Temple Grandin at the end just explains she was just not hard-wired to swoon over boys or Beatles but preferred Science Fiction and later on, work and that was that. A woman who knows her mind in more ways than one and is not afraid to say no. Very short and sweet too.
The book is supposed to be about redressing the balance, calling for more recognition for those girls on the spectrum who don't get the acknowledge they need to reach their full potential. Catherine Flaherty in the second essay also draws attentiontion to the fact that is is also much more difficult for girls because the bar set for girls in terms of traditional female qualities in terms of emotional intelligence is so much higher. That is a theme that is returned to later, though I am not sure the solutions offered are always that helpful. Sheila Wagner talks about the need to identify these female students sooner so that they are less likely in the future to fall thorough the academic cracks and not end up being sidelined and depressed.
Teresa Bolick was good I thought at examining the pitfalls of parents' allowing their young adult offspring to fly the nest and being there to negotiate problems without being over-protective or continuing to treat their child as a child.
In addition to Grandin, Ruth Snyder writes about her own story as a woman on the spectrum bringing up her children, also on the spectrum. However, the nebulous way she writes leaves plot holes - possibly a way of coping, her way of writing reminded me of that of Donna Williams, who both experiences neglect and abuse at an early age as well as having to cope with autism. One for the great clinical experts on high to dissect, I suspect though Snyder does depict her own slow road to self-discovery.
The star of the show was the witty and entertaining Jennifer McIlwee Myers, who talks about the do's and song's of dating from an insider point of view, demonstrating that marriage and happiness can be found, though possibly not via the routes that normally might be expected. Hint: it has less to do with prescriptive Swiss finishing-school toady tips on being socially presentable.
But I did not buy this for just the one enjoyable essay. Mary Wrobel's contribution on spectrum issues and puberty was all very well up to a point. Attending to personal hygiene is important for everyone. But she did seem to dwell rather a lot on periods and when with whom to discuss these, as well as when a young aspie girl should be coached to shave her legs if she does not want to get picked on at school and that masturbation should only be performed in private. Wrobel seems to focus on those girls who may be a little lower on the spectrum.
But the one that really got my hackles up and made me wonder why I had spent my money on this was the offering by Lisa Island, who I thought at first must still have been 16 when she deigned to pen these pearls of wisdom for her benighted aspie friends. Mean Girls appears to be her starting point for discussing social heirarchies and pecking orders in the high school setting - social heirarchies and pecking orders exist in the workplace too, but it seems to me this writer still has quite a bit to learn in terms of empathy and sensitivity in imparting this knowledge to her aspie audience.
Is Mean Girls the best kind of neurotypical world the aspie girl should apparently sell herself and compromise on dress sense and social etiquette to conform to? I seem to remember that Desmond Morris likened this kind of social heirarchy to that favoured by chimpanzees.
Ultimately I thought this book was rather uneven in what it has to offer. Schools in general, workplaces in general, do not seem to bring out the best in anyone in terms of either academic or emotional intelligence and that is a context theatre maybe is ignored when looking at a condition which is still massively stigmatised.
December 2, 2024
"Asperger's and Girls" by Tony Attwood left me with mixed feelings: on the one hand, the last three chapters offer excellent insight into the inner world and experiences of 3 autistic women who have done so much to advocate for the autistic community and to promote better mutual understanding between neurotypical and neurodivergent people. On the other hand, everything that comes *before* the last three chapters is written by neurotypical authors, writing for neurotypical parents and teachers of autistic children, and contains some pretty terrible advice. More than once I was tempted to abandon the book, but I'm happy I persevered and finally got to the good part!
What's funny is, the advice by the #ActuallyAutistic women who have authored the last three chapters of the book actively contradicts the advice given by the neurotypical so-called "autism experts" in the previous chapters. One of the (neurotypical) contributors to this book boasts about being involved in ABA... Yeah, it's that bad!
Anyway, the last 3 chapters are awesome!
My favourite quote is:
One thing I deeply wish that I'd learned much sooner is that "normal" isn't necessarily "best" or even all that good. I don't mean any insult to neurotypicals, or to normal people, whoever they may be. It's just that normalcy doesn't equal happiness, while struggling for a false image of normalcy usually equals unhappiness.
The best thing you can do for a girl with AS is to accept that she has AS and work from there.
What's funny is, the advice by the #ActuallyAutistic women who have authored the last three chapters of the book actively contradicts the advice given by the neurotypical so-called "autism experts" in the previous chapters. One of the (neurotypical) contributors to this book boasts about being involved in ABA... Yeah, it's that bad!
Anyway, the last 3 chapters are awesome!
My favourite quote is:
One thing I deeply wish that I'd learned much sooner is that "normal" isn't necessarily "best" or even all that good. I don't mean any insult to neurotypicals, or to normal people, whoever they may be. It's just that normalcy doesn't equal happiness, while struggling for a false image of normalcy usually equals unhappiness.
The best thing you can do for a girl with AS is to accept that she has AS and work from there.
November 3, 2025
Um livro sobre um assunto do qual se sabe ainda pouco e que tem muito pouca expressão no nosso sistema de ensino.
Um livro que relata o quão difícil é viver com esta realidade através dos testemunhos de 9 mulheres notáveis que vivem diariamente os desafios desta condição.
Devo dizer que era e ainda sou muito ignorante acerca deste tema, mas este livro ajudou a que entenda um bocadinho mais acerca do mesmo.
Um diagnóstico destes não é uma sentença de morte, isso ja eu entendia, outra coisa que já entendia é que estas pessoas, pura e simplesmente, têm o cérebro ligado de outra forma.
O livro debruça-se sobre o síndrome de Asperger nas mulheres e o porquê de ser mais difícil diagnosticar as mulheres do que os homens. Isto deve-se a factores físicos, psicologicos e emocionais inerentes à Mulher mas também, infelizmente, aos estereótipos de que as mulheres são alvo…
Eu gostei imenso do livro, devo dizer que, estranhamente ou não, identifico-me com alguns dos comportamentos sociais e emocionais que são descritos no livro, através das experiências destas mulheres.
Não estou a dizer com isto que não estou diagnosticado ou que deveria fazer o teste ou seja o que for. O que digo é que não somos tão diferentes assim, e estas pessoas só precisam que o sistema as ajude, assim como a própria sociedade. Conceitos e ações que para nós são instintivas, para estas pessoas não o são, necessitam de ajuda, só isso…São pessoas funcionais que apenas estão “hardwired” de forma diferente.
Muito bom!
Um livro que relata o quão difícil é viver com esta realidade através dos testemunhos de 9 mulheres notáveis que vivem diariamente os desafios desta condição.
Devo dizer que era e ainda sou muito ignorante acerca deste tema, mas este livro ajudou a que entenda um bocadinho mais acerca do mesmo.
Um diagnóstico destes não é uma sentença de morte, isso ja eu entendia, outra coisa que já entendia é que estas pessoas, pura e simplesmente, têm o cérebro ligado de outra forma.
O livro debruça-se sobre o síndrome de Asperger nas mulheres e o porquê de ser mais difícil diagnosticar as mulheres do que os homens. Isto deve-se a factores físicos, psicologicos e emocionais inerentes à Mulher mas também, infelizmente, aos estereótipos de que as mulheres são alvo…
Eu gostei imenso do livro, devo dizer que, estranhamente ou não, identifico-me com alguns dos comportamentos sociais e emocionais que são descritos no livro, através das experiências destas mulheres.
Não estou a dizer com isto que não estou diagnosticado ou que deveria fazer o teste ou seja o que for. O que digo é que não somos tão diferentes assim, e estas pessoas só precisam que o sistema as ajude, assim como a própria sociedade. Conceitos e ações que para nós são instintivas, para estas pessoas não o são, necessitam de ajuda, só isso…São pessoas funcionais que apenas estão “hardwired” de forma diferente.
Muito bom!
September 27, 2018
I've only recently begun finding my way around books on women with ASD and Asperger's as I've only recently begun to suspect I might be one of them, and this was an all right beginning. The first couple of chapters were very enlightening, but I skipped a few in the middle because they weren't what I was looking for. There are so many articles and books devoted to raising and teaching children and teenagers with autism, and so few about adult women with autism and that's really all I want to read about. So I skipped much of the stuff in this book solely about children.
Highlights were Attwood's, Faherty's, Bolick's and Grandin's contributions. I also loved the chapter by Jennifer McIlwee Myers about relationships and sex and how all that stuff is different for women with Asperger's. Although it was also written in part for parents wondering how worried they should be about their daughter's lack of boyfriends or what they should and should not explain about sex, it was also aimed at women like me, who have always thought themselves abnormal on this score, and for me it was very affirming and validated many things I've thought myself for years. That's the best thing about reading articles by people with Asperger's--the relief you feel when you realise you're really not that abnormal and what you feel and think is perfectly okay.
Highlights were Attwood's, Faherty's, Bolick's and Grandin's contributions. I also loved the chapter by Jennifer McIlwee Myers about relationships and sex and how all that stuff is different for women with Asperger's. Although it was also written in part for parents wondering how worried they should be about their daughter's lack of boyfriends or what they should and should not explain about sex, it was also aimed at women like me, who have always thought themselves abnormal on this score, and for me it was very affirming and validated many things I've thought myself for years. That's the best thing about reading articles by people with Asperger's--the relief you feel when you realise you're really not that abnormal and what you feel and think is perfectly okay.
December 8, 2017
I didn't personally find this useful at all. The only part I seemed to agree with was the need for more clear and thorough sex education, including topics like periods and personal hygiene. Though that isn't exactly specific to girls with AS it's still important for all in my opinion.
It felt very heteronormative and put a lot of emphasis on girls with AS dating males, having sex with males and marrying males. Which still wouldn't have worked for me if it had been more inclusive because only once did it mention the option of not having those kinds of relationships, in the excerpt from Temple Grandin, which didn't even last ten minutes (I listened to the audiobook). Though they may be important parts of some people's lives there are so many other things that could have been touched on as well. Also some of the chapters felt very much like the right thing for a girl with AS to do is completely change herself to fit into surroundings and social groups, which works to a point sure but a lot of what was being said went too far for me.
Is this book aimed at girls with ASD as well as parents/guardians or not? Because it personally didn't feel like it was.
It felt very heteronormative and put a lot of emphasis on girls with AS dating males, having sex with males and marrying males. Which still wouldn't have worked for me if it had been more inclusive because only once did it mention the option of not having those kinds of relationships, in the excerpt from Temple Grandin, which didn't even last ten minutes (I listened to the audiobook). Though they may be important parts of some people's lives there are so many other things that could have been touched on as well. Also some of the chapters felt very much like the right thing for a girl with AS to do is completely change herself to fit into surroundings and social groups, which works to a point sure but a lot of what was being said went too far for me.
Is this book aimed at girls with ASD as well as parents/guardians or not? Because it personally didn't feel like it was.
December 4, 2017
If the goal of this book is to "resolve" issues that Girls and women with AS face by converting them into stereotypical clones, then I suppose it gets its point across. I was deeply disappointed and disturbed by some of the suggestions in this book. Granted, it was published over 10 years ago, but if "fitting in" to so-called societal groups is the most important goal they can offer young women, that is simply unacceptable.
It's not all bad, though. Some of the essays included (particularly those by women with AS) were informative and enlightening. However, they don't really make up for the nonsense in the rest of the book. I would recommend finding a more recent publication dealing with AS in girls, one that truly offers support and help in understanding AS, rather than trying to conform young women to "society's" standard.
I listened to the audio version of this book and narrator, Francie Wyck, did a very good job. I would definitely listen to others narrated by her.
It's not all bad, though. Some of the essays included (particularly those by women with AS) were informative and enlightening. However, they don't really make up for the nonsense in the rest of the book. I would recommend finding a more recent publication dealing with AS in girls, one that truly offers support and help in understanding AS, rather than trying to conform young women to "society's" standard.
I listened to the audio version of this book and narrator, Francie Wyck, did a very good job. I would definitely listen to others narrated by her.
July 17, 2019
Important book outlining essentially variant features of what we can still call Aspergers Syndrome (despite the official diagnosis no longer existing). So many people out there will be thankful that someone has given words to their complex experience
Tony Attwood is definitely leading the way in this area, on the public stage - thankfully. He is articulate and kind in his words; making it an easy, heartfelt read.
We will get to the day that we understand these are merely ways of being that often 'males' have also. I know that is the case with many male-identifying individuals I work with in the mental health field. Perhaps the variations in presentation more about feminine/masculine dominance than binary female/male gender.
Thus it is a book to hand to anyone that seems to fall on the autism spectrum, feels alien, but doesn't match the traditional picture of austim/Aspergers.
Tony Attwood is definitely leading the way in this area, on the public stage - thankfully. He is articulate and kind in his words; making it an easy, heartfelt read.
We will get to the day that we understand these are merely ways of being that often 'males' have also. I know that is the case with many male-identifying individuals I work with in the mental health field. Perhaps the variations in presentation more about feminine/masculine dominance than binary female/male gender.
Thus it is a book to hand to anyone that seems to fall on the autism spectrum, feels alien, but doesn't match the traditional picture of austim/Aspergers.
December 26, 2017
This book offers a superfast look into most every aspect of being on the spectrum and female. Various experts submitted chapters/articles. Some of these are short (just a couple pages) and rehash information that is available in more detailed form elsewhere, like Tony Attwood's and Temple Grandin's chapters. The chapters by Lisa Iland (friendship), Mary Wrobel (puberty), and Jennifer McIlwee Myers (dating and relationships) are excellent and worth a read. All three are in-depth and helpful. Lisa Iland's chapter is brutally honest but truthful and clear, and will probably be really helpful for teen girls and young women who get advice like "Just be yourself!" and know that isn't working -- but also don't know what memo everyone else got and they missed.
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