Getting to Center Lib/E: Pathways to Finding Yourself Within the Great Unknown

by Marlee Grace, Soneela Nankani (Foreword)

From the beloved creator, workshop facilitator, and author of  How to Not Always Be Working  comes an approachable and practical guide to leaning into the unknown even when it feels as though everything around—and inside--us is in flux. Picking up where  How to Not Always Be Working  left off,  Getting to Center  is an empathetic offering to those who are looking for a roadmap for finding their way back to equilibrium. This book meditates on endings, grief and joy, ease, hope, addiction, and beginnings, pairing Marlee's own experiences and wisdom with practical exercises and tools for creating balance and understanding within the natural changes of life.  In her own constant shifting, improviser and entrepreneur Marlee Grace has found ways to pivot within her career, while still maintaining constant threads throughout. She has developed practices that have supported her through opening and closing multiple businesses, a divorce, several cross-country moves, choosing sobriety, and more. Essential for anyone who feels overwhelmed and anxious about these unpredictable times, this gorgeous, thoughtful book is a hand to hold to feel less alone, and a guide to cultivating resources we can replenish and depend on in ourselves. 

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Spirituality, Mental Health, Memoir, Art, Audiobook

Audio CD

First published October 27, 2020

About the author

Marlee Grace is a dancer and writer whose work focuses on the self, devotion, ritual, creativity, and art making. Her practice is rooted in improvisation as a compositional form that takes shape in movement videos, books, quilting, online courses, and hosting artists. Grace’s Instagram dance project Personal Practice has been featured in the New York Times, Dance Magazine, Vanity Fair, The Huffington Post, and more.

Reviews

[Christina · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very sweet, loving, quirky little book with a lot of gems inside. As Marlee Grace says at one point in the book, every ugly rock is beautiful inside. But then again, no rocks are ugly, because they are from nature. But the point remains that everything has its own inner sparkle.

I really liked the affectionate, stream of consciousness writing here. I first have to point out that this book contains a lot of stuff that might be considered "woo." I for one am not the person who would go about creating an altar with a tarot card and essential oil, or spend time thinking about Mercury retrograde. BUT, that is okay....because these practices are parts of larger themes of the book that are valuable for everyone. Also, Grace is not asking you to do these things or accept her same beliefs, but simply sharing a wealth of fun things that have helped her find her center. Amidst each chapter there are some really lovely revelations. I think the book is at its best and most moving when talking about Grace's coming out, which is presented in a way that relates to the theme of the book, and is very genuine and real. I also love all the creative themes and practices in the book. Among the chapters are gems such as "I don't have writers' block; I have 'sitting down to write' block" (me too) and "Belief clings, but faith lets go."

Like her Instagram, the book has the feeling of an old soul much wiser than her years. I like some of her somewhat radical ideas, like the fact that it is not bad for socially conscious people to make a "shit ton of money" (she points out that you can redistribute this in ways that help causes and people that are important to you, and bring ease to yourself) and the idea that marginalized folks can create their own ease and access in the world. Even the ideas I did not identify with (see the aforementioned tarot card altar, and protection spells) were fun to read about.

Another thing I thought was really cool was her emphasis on practice -- including thinking about practicing after your practice, and thinking about practicing before your practice. This is useful to think of in her context as a ballerina but can really apply to anything in your life. Coincidentally I am also reading a book on neuroplasticity - there have been studies where people just THINK about doing an action (such as running, jumping, or completing a task) and monitoring doctors have observed that the parts of their brain light up as if they are actually doing that task. So Grace is really onto something here and science supports her theory that thinking about and envisioning your practice is also a form of practice.

If you can keep an open mind, this is a unique and interesting escape into a creative and interesting mind. A fast and rejuvenating read which I read in one sitting. I have not read "How to Not Always Be Working," but I want to now.

Many thanks to Harper Collins, Marlee Grace and NetGalley for the advance copy of this quirky and sweet read.

[madison · Rating 1 out of 5]

I like Marlee Grace and follow her on social media because her posts brighten my day and obviously I have a crush on her. We share similar interests, I like dance, astrology, queer people, art, self-care, working to love oneself. I don't read too many self help-ish type books, but I wanted to give this one a shot because I really like her.

This book was not made for me, but it might be made for you. It does feel like you're talking to a friend while you're reading it, it's sweet and reassuring and relatable and kind and encouraging. Light hearted.

I don't think I'm at a place right now where I'm looking for advice, or at least the advice offered here. I always appreciate Marlee Grace's vulnerability, openness, generosity, playfulness -- honestly, I totally want to be friends with her. For whatever reason, the book just wasn't speaking to my life in this moment: existing during COVID, in a presidential election year, during a summer of mass protest against police murdering Black and Brown folks, the year 2020 where literally everything is on fire. And that's okay. I genuinely hope it gives other people comfort! I think I now know that I prefer her insights in small doses and social media is really the most impactful way for me to receive what she is trying to give. The book format did not resonate with me personally.

I think if you're into Marlee Grace on social media, you should give this book a shot. For me, the book felt all over the place to the point I forgot what each chapter was about as I was reading it, I didn't want or feel I needed the advice given, it rambled and repeated itself a lot, felt poorly edited, and reading it felt like a chore right now. I wanted to like this, I know other people will. It seems to me this could be the type of book that would be comforting and warm if it reaches you at the time you need it. My experience probably says more about where I'm at in my life right now than the book itself.

Thanks to #NetGalley and Harper Collins for providing me with an advance copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Kaitlyn · Rating 2 out of 5]

Hmm, I’m a few chapters in. This feels less like reading a cohesive, well edited book and more like run on paragraphs of mismatched platitudes. Echoing what another reviewer observed, was this book edited? It also feels like the why has been left out in each sentence/paragraph/chapter. Why should we want to ‘get to center’? Assumedly to feel grounded, at ease in ourself, & to practice self care but none of that is really discussed. As the author says themselves, they often jump ahead to an action or outcome and that is how this book is structured. Feel uncomfortable, shame, a harsh inner critic? Drink water, be alone, write, dance!

I think the elements of lived experience and memoir could be a more powerful narrative for this book than the guise of self help and actionable advise. The book feels like it was written because the author had the opportunity to do so, not because there was a compelling methodology or message.

[etta · Rating 4 out of 5]

for years i've looked to marlee grace's writing and social media presence as an example of how i want to live my life; this book was kind of a scattered collection of advice on how to do that. at one point she says that she hopes to "provide tools for subtle shifts and waking up" and i feel this is exactly what this book does. it doesn't strive to offer any one piece of advice that will completely alter your world or "fix" your life. instead it suggests ways you can continuously...wait for it...return to center! this book and this idea in general are both very comforting to me. if you are feeling off-center yourself you might find comfort in this book too!

[Rachael K · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was just ok - there were some nice things in it that were helpful but overall the way she wrote was a little too much for me, like it got goofy. I could tell right off the bat that she read “The Artist’s Way” (a book I didn’t finish but might someday) because she used some of that terminology. Like others said it was kind of unorganized and rambling.

[Jannifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought there was some good insight in this book, especially for creators. However, the writing style wasn’t for me. It felt like rambling to me and lots of jumping from topic to topic. Sometimes, I wasn’t always sure what was really being discussed.

[Trudi · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is like a meandering, cyclical, insistent conversation with a very wise friend who loves you very very much. I loved it.

[Katelyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve followed marlee on instagram for a bit and I’ve always admired how she approaches her creative work & business. I read this for inspiration for my small pottery biz, but found so much more than I was hoping for ✨

[Claire Paquet · Rating 4 out of 5]

i’d say like 60% of the language was helpful to me. i do like the idea of needing to “get to centre” which feels maybe nicer than my usual “i’m unhinged”. not organized in a way that made sense to my brain and maybe i didn’t love the writing but that’s fine

[Mary Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

I like the rambling, friendly nature of this book. It felt like a mix of my own journals and a Dr Bronner’s label but I was ok with it.

[Isa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Erg fijn boek. Als iemand die vaak terecht komt in spiralen van negatieve gedachten en obsessief doemdenken, is het gerustellend om keer op keer te lezen dat het oke is; dat je er wel komt; en dat je dat elke dag opnieuw kan proberen. Dat je vast moet houden aan de dingen die belangrijk voor je zijn en rituelen kan bouwen die je helpen om je rust te bewaren. Het is een boek dat ik zeker weer zal openslaan als ik dat weer eens moet horen. Tijdens het lezen viel er een deken van comfort en rust over mij waar ik erg dankbaar voor ben.

[Tess Malone · Rating 3 out of 5]

I've followed Marlee's work for a year now because I appreciate her queer intersectional approach to self-care and loved How Not to Always Be Working. But I had a hard time following this book. There isn't much narrative structure, and a lot of the central lessons repeat themselves. While she gave me a few interesting narrative reframes, I honestly couldn't remember half of what I read.

[Megan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Putting a number rating on this book feels even more difficult than usual. On one hand, there were a lot of great little snippets, things that caused me to pause and reflect or break out my journal to process. I especially appreciated the chapter on commitments. However, at some point the book did start to feel a little chaotic and a little random. It was like the beginning had been planned out but the later chapters were written to meet a deadline perhaps. Not to say I didn't enjoy it! I mean, I still read the whole thing and took looks of notes!

[Lauren Welsh · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book reminded me of one of my high-school teachers power points where he used a different color/font/numbering system on each slide. But fortunately my brain works this way and I could really hang with how scattered the thoughts were. A lot of gems. I really like reading the words that Marlee writes!! Maybe more like a 3.8? Still waiting for goodreads to let me leave half star reviews.

[Leanne Hoppe · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved this and not sure I am ready to create my own centering process.

[CNL · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book a lot faster than I wanted to. I am glad I own a copy so I can reread, underline, and highlight as I see fit. I tried to savor it while reading, but also found it difficult to put down! Explores themes of grief, restlessness, social media addiction, and other things that many of us have experienced during the pandemic or otherwise.

[zo · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wish I could put 2 1/2 stars, not sure how I felt about it because quite a few things feel somewhat obvious but then yeah, that’s also the point of this book in a way...


“ I am seaweed wrapped around a sturdy rock, swaying in the water”

A wonderful analogy of the flexibility life and an artistic practice requires, a resilient go with the flow that Marlee Grace advocates.

Chapter 9 on validation and imposter syndrome was delicate and real. Not the usual self help book, getting to center can support any artist or aspiring creative.

A wonderful phrase in chapter 9 I appreciated :
I could be a shithead today and still find people who love me, myself included.

Nevertheless, this pep-talk of a book, a manifesto for the “woke”creative “millennial”in a sense, does sometimes fall into the cliches of the avocado toast generation that baby boomers love to critique : Marlee’s use of astrology to legitimize certain emotions is problematic for me, making this book even farther from reach for the people for whom it could benefit most, but she also recognizes this at the end , when she admits she is well aware that it is most likely “fat, trans, green bean eating etc etc” people who are most likely reading. Phrases like “maybe that’s an eclipse season thing” or, “when mercury goes retrograde, my life goes crazy” ... hmm

Some cutesy elements I’m not so sure about : the to do lists, for example “to do list when I’m feeling like shit”, not sure this truly helps the reader or if it adds to more of the toxic “wellness” culture that pushes one to constantly better oneself...

Although not one for god or religion, I did however appreciate the small prayers and well wishes Marlee offers to the reader, these are truly sweet, like a warm hug, why not.

This being said, Marlee Grace recounts some elements of her recent time on planet earth and her path to discovering her sexuality and her self acceptance coming out of the closet. She recounts her artistic journey in a relaxing way in that she validated the reader by validating herself.

[Emily Miller · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love Marlee! I want to say that first and foremost! I took away some really important reminders from this book, but not necessarily lessons. I hoped for something that went a little deeper, but it's OKAY that this didn't! I think the lightheartedness of it can resonate in really important ways, but personally I wanted more. Still worth the read, and will pick it up again for those sweet little reminders when I need them.

[Kayla Valley · Rating 3 out of 5]

Marlee's voice is very authentic and so relatable you can't help but smile, laugh, and feel seen. The organization of the chapters felt non-intuitive to me and much of what I read I knew to be true already but to hear it from another person feels validating and serves as a great reminder. I wanted this book to help fix me and Marlee said from the beginning it wouldn't do that (mainly because we're not to be fixed) but I still feel like I need more practical steps.

[Max Lilly · Rating 2 out of 5]

I felt like the book was all over the place. It was, at the same time, too specific and not specific enough.

[Nico · Rating 3 out of 5]

while on a walk, i found this book in a box labeled “FREE” on the porch of a random house. this book found me at a time when i needed it—i was under immense stress rooted in uncertainty, guilt, and fear of the future. cody reminded me that it’s okay to not know, to enjoy living in the moment, and to practice self-care (walking, journaling, being with friends). of course, in times of stress, it’s important to care for yourself by returning to the things that calm you and give you space to reflect. these were necessary reminders that reached me in the perfect moment.

however, the book left me with more questions than answers. what is the center? how do we identify how far we are from it, and why is it important that we go back to it?

most importantly, do i have any agency in my own future or does the universe have its own plans for me? i think that we are capable of making BIG mistakes—ones we can’t go back on. ones that reshape our lives for the worse. i was hoping the book would tell me “here is how to evaluate your tensions/desires/goals and whether you’re making the right choices” instead of “take a leap of faith and let the universe handle it!”

final thoughts: this book reminded to calm down at a time when i really needed to. the first few chapters—practice, commitment, on not knowing—resonated deeply with me at this time in my life. they reminded me that it’s ok to be unsure and that self-care is crucial in the face of stress. i was hoping that later chapters would help me resolve this uncertainty (the book is titled “Getting to Center,” after all). however, they did not. instead, they told me to remain uncertain and let the universe handle everything. how am i supposed to get to my center without knowing what my center IS?

[Abigail · Rating 4 out of 5]

I adored this book. I had a much easier time with it than "How to Not Always be Working" perhaps because since 2020 I have moved so far away from my center that I am looking around like, what even is that?

This was self-help ish without being TOO preachy. I think maybe with any book around topics such as these, you can feel either comforted or maybe pushed too much. I felt comforted. I really enjoy simple writing that just makes me see that human beings are also going through a lot of the same struggles as I am.

She details different scenarios around which we may lose our center and ways to get back. I really, really enjoyed how she discussed being okay being alone whether you are partnered or not, and how intimacy (like most things) can help or hinder you.

She brought how up how falling in love came easily to her and that was really when she began to lose herself, and how she prepared moving on how she would experience the joy of falling in love while remembering everything is temporary (joy! grief! sadness! anger! that's what makes it so great!) I want to really remember that part for next time I enter into a relationship. And even take this into account with my friendships + familial relationships. See, it really works for all things.

I think when I get home I will be buying a permanent copy, I am happy this book found me when it did. I wanted to HIGHLIGHT EVERYTHING and REMEMBER IT ALL. I love books like that.

[Jasmine Zhu · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a great book to pick up every now and then to read a couple chapters. Each chapter touched on a different practice to finding my center / rebalance my body and mind. Some of the memorable takeaways:

There’s not perfect center - it’s a constant commitment/devotion to re-balancing. Finding center can look different day by day, based on what my body/mind needs to feel centered, based on which commitments I’m devoting to/for myself! Accountability to myself, and not what others expect/want from me. Falling off one practice does not mean giving up on every practice.

Keep it mysterious! Getting comfortable with mystery = more acceptance!

Don’t be afraid to ask for help! From our ancestors, mentors, friends, family.

“no” is a full sentence. Using the word “no” as saying “yes” to yourself.

“When you feel your most ‘unproductive’ is when you are gathering your material. You are the researcher. The treasure hunter.” & “to be productive is to learn when I am happiest doing something. When it feels most natural to me” & “pay attention to how the moon plays into your productivity, creative practice, need for rest, and self-reflection”

Finding joy through other people’s joy! Manifest stepping into joy unapologetically! Experience joy without guilt~ boundless and wild joy! “I can experience joy and still be of service. I can still take action. I can experience joy and still honor the circumstances around me where others might be affected.”

[Carrie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Be sure to have your journal or highlighter handy when you read this one. Getting to Center by @marleegrace was just what I wanted to read this week. I alternated between the book and audio which she narrates.

This book meditates on endings, grief and joy, ease, hope, addiction, and beginnings, pairing Marlee's own experiences and wisdom with practical exercises and tools for creating balance and understanding within the natural changes of life. I really appreciated the prayers and tools at the end of each chapter. They may not all be new to you, but it reminded me of having a conversation with a good friend where you both remind each other of those healthy behaviors you want to be doing that you sometimes forget to practice, you know.... when there’s a pandemic, or an anxiety producing election coming up 😳😂

Essential for anyone who feels overwhelmed and anxious about these unpredictable times, this gorgeous, thoughtful book is a hand to hold to feel less alone, and a guide to cultivating resources we can replenish and depend on in ourselves. I definitely recommend this one!

[Rosa B · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book reads like a comforting friend talking to you and in a way, Marlee is a friend to us all. She doesn’t claim this book will “fix you” but rather help you find ways of being that align you with your center. She provides examples from her own life and many different tools to find your way back to center, all with the understanding that sometimes we will stray because we are messy humans! I took her online class “Everything is a Sunset” earlier this year and this was a great follow up to that. It helpfully reminded me of the ideas and concepts we worked with while introducing new ones. This is a book I will keep close and return to often.

I received and early proof of this book via a goodreads giveaway but would have purchased anyways!

[Nora Wormwood · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read several reviews saying this book was “not for me” (although none were negative, simply stating the reader didn’t need this kind of book at the time). Almost a year into a pandemic with a 2 year old and a 9 month old, complete loss of center, taking over a business with my husband and no childcare, this book was for me. Marlee has always been a soothing balm for me in times of upheaval, and Getting To Center was no exception. I loved the ease with which I could pick this up and jump back in (remember, two small kids no childcare), I loved the lists and the way her brain jumps from thing to thing (I also have a lot of Gemini in my chart so this WORKED for the way I think, read, and write). Thank you, Marlee.

[Mikaela Wapman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Leanne mentioned Marlee Grace to me and I'm so glad she did! I loved the book Getting to Center and found it provided some language for supportive practices like creating an Avoidance List, writing a list of Things to Come Back To when inevitably we get further from our center. Marlee speaks directly to her experience in 12 step and the language she uses in the book is something I particularly resonate with (connecting to a spirit greater than yourself, to community, turning it over). May not be for everyone, but I loved it!

[Ashley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read Getting to Center over a few weeks, only one or two chapters at a time, and I would recommend reading it that way if it works for you - reading the chapters separately gave me the feeling of hearing each one as a share in a 12 step room, which I loved; it's definitely a different vibe than reading a more "polished" kind of self-help book, which this is not. It's a light read with a lot of gems, and I'm glad to have a physical copy so I can go back and reread some of the parts that really spoke to me.

[Ali Searer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Okay so I was very confused about this being the same author as How to Not Always Be Working, but the audio version uses their old name still despite changing the one on the cover. In case you were following along, it IS the same author. and they're just as incredible here as in the first book I read by them. As with HTNABW, I want to immediately listen again to see what else I can take away from this book at this moment in my life. I'm not one for buying a "trophy" hard copy of digital books I've finished, but this one deserves space on my shelves.

[Ally Brisbin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading this, but I couldn't really say what my main takeaway is from it. It felt kind of like stream of consciousness, which I enjoy reading. I could imagine a workbook companion to this, or maybe if it was edited for the exercises to be a little bit more consistent and called out as activities for the reader to engage with. I only really used my notebook once, at the beginning, when the writing was more instructive about making certain lists. I'd recommend this if you're on an intentional self-discovery journey and identify as a "creative".