Things I Want My Daughters To Know: A Small Book About the Big Issues in Life

by Alexandra Stoddard

From Alexandra Stoddard - beloved lifestyle philosopher, mother, and author of Choosing Happiness , a small book of wisdom about the big questions of life,  perfect for new graduates, new mothers, and as a treasured gift from woman to woman. Alexandra Stoddard, a mother, grandmother, and author of more than 25 books on personal fulfilment, shares a series of succinctly–stated principles worth living by. Each statement is fleshed out in a few brief, useful paragraphs. By turns wise ("Pain is inevitable; suffering is a choice"), controversial ("Don't feel guilty about your feelings toward your parents, stepparents, or in–laws"), affirming ("You don't have to prove anything to anyone"), and humorous ("When you discover something you love, stock up"), these short pieces cut to the essence of what's important and are oases of clarity amid life's chaos. 

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Lifestyle, Relationships, Philosophy, Parenting

208 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 2004

About the author

ALEXANDRA STODDARD is a philosopher of contemporary living and author of many best selling books, including the classic Living a Beautiful Life: 500 Ways to Add Elegance, Order, Beauty and Joy to Every Day of Your Life, Choosing Happiness: Keys to a Joyful Life, Things I Want My Daughters to Know: A Small Book About the Big Issues in Life, and You Are Your Choices: 50 Ways to Live the Good Life. Alexandra's newest book Happiness For Two: 75 Secrets for Finding More Joy Together, published in January 2008, is now in its second printing.

Reviews

[Leah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is something I feel everyone should read once in their life. Not only read, but also apply the advice given. It can lead to moments of happiness and feeling of self worth. Truly an enlightening book that I will be referring to for the rest of my life.

[Sienna · Rating 2 out of 5]

Okay. My mom got this for me - she found it at Anthropologie and couldn't resist. I have become increasingly sappy with each passing year, crying at NZ Post ads, so I really appreciate the sentiment. My mom is basically the greatest mother ever and also one of my best friends, so I had to read it. Right?

Summary:

1. I don't know why this book was printed in green and blue, but it is totally unnecessary and, as far as I can tell, unrelated to anything except perhaps Stoddard's apparently awesome interior design skills... for children's rooms.

2. She actually makes some great points in many of the chapter/essay headings - finding work you love, thinking positively, embracing change and learning to do your best without worrying about the details over which you have no control. There are, of course, some exceptions. My personal head-shaking favorites are "Travel Heavy," "Learn to Style Your Own Hair" (as a metaphor, it would be more effective if she didn't mention her own difficulty in abiding by this maxim), "The Five-Hour Rule," "Be More A Generalist Than a Specialist" and "Have Your Own Independent Financial Adviser." There are also some contradictions. She doesn't want to be weighed down by technology or emotions, but insists on the right to accumulate collections of physical items that please her in some way and haul masses of clothing around the world whilst jet-setting. Way to love yourself more than the planet. It's true that this book is aimed at her daughters rather than grandchildren...

3. The main thing is that I could not get through a single essay without wanting to punch this woman in the face. I'm sure she's a nice person, but spewing watered-down Eastern thought mixed with selective areas of Western consumerism does not a contemporary philosopher make. It is entirely possible to get your point across without being sanctimonious or discussing details of your private and very privileged life. Remember that, by being self-centered, you may also not be benefiting the world.

I'm sure this is a very rewarding and inspiring read for the right person, but I'm obviously not the target audience. I love my mom and am sure that she only skimmed this before sending it my way. I'm also thankful that she is nothing like Alexandra Stoddard.

[Brittany · Rating 1 out of 5]

My mom bought me this book for my 18th birthday so I really wanted to like it. It was supposed to be something to help me into the world of adulthood. Unfortunately....Andrea Stoddard rambles on for the entire book about things that, for the most part, sound silly and unimportant. I know that this is not the kind of book my mother intended to give me. There are things in the book that I completely disagree with, such as the "Five-Hour Rule" which says that you should never stay in someone's company for more than five hours and that you should never have anyone stay at your house or ever stay at anyone else's house. As though we all have tons of money to spare and can stay at hotels any time we like. And as for me, I enjoy spending a few days at a time with friends and family. Anyway, that aside, the author drifts completely off topic under almost every single subject. It was like she couldn't think of anything else to say about it but thought that she hadn't written enough so she just started throwing out sentences that sounded semi-inspirational. There were times that she even included three different ideas or topics all in one paragraph. It was very hard to follow. Combine all of those things with little quips about the author's personal experiences that, most of the time, seemed inconsequential and even unrelated to the topic completely, and the result is a book that I will never pick up again and never EVER recommend to anyone.

[Rickeclectic · Rating 3 out of 5]

Glanced through this short book at a used goods store and decided it was worth a couple of bucks used. It is one of those self-help positive living books probably for women, written by a woman. It has (I think) 55 little sayings and a one or two page discussion on each. I liked a lot of the sayings, they were things I have said to my daughter or others at times. The essays vary a lot. Most are not great writing, but they are straightforward and useful things in many cases. Some of the more useful sayings include: Find work you love that supports you financially; Its easier to get into things than to get out of them; Don't feel guilty about your feelings toward your Parents, stepparents inlaws etc.; and Don't save the best for last.

Its a fast read and catches a number of things that are worth remembering, even if you already know them.

I don't agree with everything she says and I don't think all of her quotes actually fit the chapters she puts them in, but overall the book has good advice.

[Erin · Rating 1 out of 5]

I HATED THIS BOOK! Okay, I didn't finish it, so maybe the good part is in the last 2/3...? I think the chapter titles are nice. They are profound statements. If they were all the book contains, then I'd rate it four stars. But the incessant blah blah blah-ing of creating a life of beauty and meaning made me want to puke. Don't get me wrong - I'd love a beautiful life... but this lady just seemed a little out of touch with me and my life. I want to be generous with my time and resources, be true to myself and to the Gospel, and laugh along the way. I don't care so much about opening gifts slowly and savoring every ribbon. Maybe you relate to her? If so, that's awesome. I hope you love this book. I was excited; I have three daughters, so I looked forward to a book containing all the wisdom I should hope to impart. Suffice it to say, I'll keep looking!

[Tainan · Rating 2 out of 5]

Confesso que gostei mais da abordagem da autora com relação à vida do que do livro e das dicas em si. Algumas dicas, como "Travel Heavy", "Tell Yourself You Have Done Nothing Wrong" parece reforçar crenças equivocadas e ligeiramente egocêntricas. Você é sim responsável pelos sentimentos que gera nas pessoas e deve cultivar um clima de harmonia. Do contrário, como viver em sociedade? E em "Travel Heavy", como assim ela diz para levar tudo o que te faz confortável porque em uma viagem ela não checou antes a previsão do tempo e levou roupas de verão e enfrentou uma frente fria?! Sou a favor de levar pequenos mementos que você se sinta em casa, mas, não importa a duração, uma viagem tem começo, meio e fim. Se você não consegue viver sem suas tralhas, para que sair de casa? No geral uma leitura interessante, mas que eu não repetiria e não recomendaria.

[Christa Sigman · Rating 2 out of 5]

I just discovered this is not the book with this title I wanted to read. It is a good thing, because I was seriously disappointed. First of all the font and color of the text make this extremely stressful on the eyes. Secondly, the essays swing from trite to extremely preachy from page to page. One message “do your own hair” meaning you do you, soon after “never visit for more than five hours …. In-laws are horrible “ I would not give this book to my daughters or anyone else. I would imagine anyone receiving this book to be insulted. I will just continue to talk to my daughters on the phone, through technology (gasp) and on the deck with a glass of wine when we can. Whew at least it was short and I bought it at a thrift store.

[Manju · Rating 2 out of 5]

The ideas proposed by this books are all very nice and thought-provoking. But the description associated with each idea or I should say chapter, was too lengthy and really winding. Each idea can be translated into today's woman or girl's life but you have to think it from your angle and how it applies to you and what you would do with that idea.

[Danielle Cozzola · Rating 2 out of 5]

I feel bad rating this book so low being that my mom gave it to me when I was in high school. 12 years later I decided to read it, I guess. The author's voice didn't sit well with me. There were a few passages that I found enjoyable and relatable, but at the end of the day my mom has already shared with me what she wants me to know through her actions, not her words.

[Joanne Cinquemani · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great little book to come back to again and again.

[Cheryl · Rating 3 out of 5]

Probably 3 1/2 stars, there is some good advice in there. She sounds so pretentious tho.

[Brenda McDearmon · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the second book I’ve read by this author, and I’ve really enjoyed both. The only reason I would not give this book five stars is because I cannot embrace Ms. Stoddard’s eagerness to focus on self and her willingness to place faith in the universe as opposed to God, who created it.

In short, if you enjoy a thoughtful book from the perspective of an accomplished interior designer, you’ll like this one. I found much to ponder and upon which to reflect.

[Tina John · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is fantastic. My mother bought me this and I bought this one for a friend. The author Alexander Stoodard is wonderful and makes everything seem simple and beautiful. She wrote the book It's a Beautiful Life, which my mother gave me when I was raising my children on my own. It helped me through some challenging times.

[Nausheena · Rating 3 out of 5]

There's some good points in here especially around making your own money and having your own financial advisor. Some stuff feels materialistic and superficial. Other stuff doesn't compliment my religious values. Otherwise it's a fast read.

[Aly Schroeder · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have a feeling I will read this again & again as my daughter grows up.

[Ronnette Benke · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an easy read with perfect reminders of important steps for happiness and full life. It would be a wonderful gift to give a young person starting out in life. It's a lovely book.

[Joyceline MK · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book. From career, relationships, finances, goals, wisdom, family. What else can one ask for?. 🙌

[Katie Inabnit Bell · Rating 3 out of 5]

I loved some parts. And I hated other parts. It just wasn’t great.

[Maritza Lew · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend this small book about the wisdom and learnings to pass down to all women, young and old.

[Sharon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Old fashioned but some good life lessons.

[Katy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book and the messages resonated with me. I’d like to write my thoughts throughout and give it to my daughter or have her find it when I die…

[Kim · Rating 3 out of 5]

Short essays on living your best life.

[Ionela Rotar · Rating 4 out of 5]

Este o carticica drăguță, prin care scriitoarea ii da sfaturi de viata fiicei ei, sfaturi de care putem beneficia și noi la rândul nostru.


Citate salvate:

" Nu contează cât mai ai pana la destinația finala, cata vreme ai pornit deja pe drumul cel bun"

"Nu te lasă prada lenei. Este o rugina care acoperă și cele mai strălucitoare metale"

"Sufletul omului este mai puternic decât orice încercare la care poate fi supus"

"Fa lucrurile care te ajuta sa crești"

"Privește orice schimbare ca pe o șansă pentru un nou început"

[Michele · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Reasonable, Mature Voice. Great Gift Book
I picked up this book because of the title. I have daughters. There are 'things' I want them to know. Upon reading the Foreword, I grew a little nervous. The tone seemed rather patronizing, and I felt like I was about to get a lesson in what a rotten mother I am. The author writes: "No mother can have a relationship with her children without some heartaches and significant differences of opinion. With my own daughters I embrace our differences as well as the things we share in common." Well, yes, that WOULD be the ideal.

What follows beyond the Forword, where the author more or less introduces her qualifications for writing a book filed with advice, is just that. Lots of useful advice for getting through life. The conversational and rational writing style immediately allowed me to GET OVER MYSELF, and just enjoy the various topics. I found it hard to disagree with anything she wrote. Everything is based on the author's experience, and much of it is universal. The suggestions, "It's Easier to Get into Things Than It Is to Get Out of Them," or "In Really Tough Times, Regularly Take Time Off," for example, are pearls of wisdom for mothers to not only pass onto their daughters, but also to remind themselves of every now and again.

This is a well written collection, with a mature and rational sensitivity. It's an excellent gift book--for our daughters, and our friends who have daughters, and, of course, for mothers too. I recommend it.

"When you've made your point, sit down," reads the last entry. So, I will.

[Heather · Rating 3 out of 5]

There were chapters in this book that I absolutely loved and found extremely insightful. There were others that I found hollow and misguided. Overall, I liked Stoddard's approach and thought she had quite a bit of wisdom to share. My favorite of the fifty-five chapters include "You Don't Have to Prove anything to Anyone"; "Be Grateful but Don't Expect Gratitude"; "Pain is Inevitable, Suffering is a Choice"; "Give Anonymously"; "Don't Be on Time, Be Early"; "Listen to the Wisdom of Your Children"; "Don't Assume Anything"; "Have Your Own Mad Money"; "Exercise the Vocabulary of Thanks and Appreciation"; "Don't Feel Guilty . . ."; "Listen to the Wisdom of Your Body"; "Do Your Best, Leave the Rest"; "Living Takes Time"; "Hurry Never"; "You Are Smarter and Wiser Than You Think"; and "Finish Up Strong."

[Laura · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ugh. Don't bother. I don't really want to seek life advice from a woman who says you shouldn't let in-laws stay at your house or visit for more than 5 hours at a stretch. As a mother to daughters, I was intrigued about what a mature woman has learned during her lifetime and wants to make sure she passes on her wisdom to her daughter, but this book didn't do it for me. The good stuff is all common sense and the bad stuff - maybe she has loopy in-laws and should write a book on how to get along with them but I don't want to be constrained by her bad family relationships.

[John Kelley · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was ok. We can all use a few life affirmations to remind us now and then of our purpose and self-worth. I didn't agree with all of her posits, and the spiritualism she talked about seemed to be faith-lite to me. I'm not usually one to go in for such books, but I got it for Christmas and it's a pretty quick read. None of the segments is more than about 3 or 4 pages. Not sure I would read any of her other stuff, but I know several people who would love this, and so I'll pass it on and recommend it to them. Like Hallmark movies? You'll eat this up.

[Andrada Radu · Rating 3 out of 5]

I usually don't read this kind of books. This one is not really revealing anything I haven't realized so far, but its positive tone makes it a quick and relaxing read (for moments when you're too tired to read something more complex or profound). I wouldn't say it is very well written, many ideas are repeated on and on and sometimes the author seems to contradict herself. But all in all, it's not necessarily a waste of time.

[Mara Gaulzetti · Rating 4 out of 5]

My mother gave me this book on the morning of my wedding. It is a sweet book, and each chapter covers a different idea. It is well written and succinct and I have enjoyed every minute spent reading this book. I love the different quotes the author uses to illustrate her point as well. It is just the type of book my mom would give me, which makes me like it more.

[Lorraine · Rating 3 out of 5]

A quick read of a book that was composed of 2-3 page compositions of sage advice a mother would want her daughter to know going out into the world. Although I like the premise of the book, I felt the author needed to explore each "lesson" more. I DID love the way each chapter was sprinkled with great quotes.