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384 pages, Paperback
First published September 5, 2000
[Alix's] childhood friend Marie-Louise, described her as a "most wonderful person" with "a curious atmosphere of fatality" about her. "I once said in the way that cousins can be very rude and outspoken to each other: 'Alix, you always play at being sorrowful; one day the Almighty will send you some real crushing sorrows, and then what are you going to do?" The response was no recorded.
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Many times solitude was what she [Alix] claimed. She stayed alone in her boudoir, her head throbbing, worrying...She had once referred to herself as the Pechvogel, the bird of ill omen, which brought bad luck and catastrophe. Now, nearly everyone saw her that way, as the carrier of misfortune into the Romanov family.
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"Perhaps a victim is needed to save Russia," he [Nicholas] had declared in the summer of 1915. "I will be that victim."
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The starets held out her thin hand in blessing. "Be joyous uncrowned bride," she said softly. "Here is the martyr Empress Alexandra."
He [Nicky] took Sandro to his room and collapsed in grief, his raw suffering painful to see.
"What am I going to do?" he cried out. "What is going to happen to me, to you, to Xenia, to Alix, to mother, to all of Russia? I am not prepared to be a tsar. I never wanted to become one."