Verdict: A fresh look at the inestimable Samuel Johnson and life in 1764, warts and all. Lots and lots of warts. It’s just warts, really. Possibly improved by doing the pre-rec reading.
I may as well admit to this; I’m one of those people who express (occasionally out-loud and in mixed company) a desire to live in the past. I’ve come to terms with this facet of my personality and it’s time you did too. Typically literature tends to intensify my longing for a TARDIS but Bainbridge decisively broke that mould when she penned ‘According to Queeney’. In fact, before I begin, I’d like to take a moment to thank The Present for all its wonders. For medicine not comprised of mercury and leeches. For indoors plumbing and basic sanitation. For whatever the hell it is that keeps babies from dying just all the time. Thank you, Progress. Thank you, Modernity. Thank you, Present.*
Now, on to ‘According to Queeney’, this is a work of historical fiction revolving around Hester Thrale and her and her family’s relationship with Samuel Johnson whom you may recognize from the 3rd series of Blackadder wherein his Dictionary was destroyed by the titular character. Well, turns out he’s real. Furthermore, I’ve been given to understand not only is his reality common knowledge, so too are many details of his life thanks to contemporary biographer and Scotsman James Boswell. Astonishing! At this point you, not unlike myself, might be beginning to suspect I was not Bainbridge’s target audience. Nevertheless I acknowledged my limitations in the field of all things Johnson and soldiered on.
So Johnson has written the Dictionary and now he is famous and ‘in ill health’, a pharse which does not so much connote a disease as it does a sort of tortured state of being the only treatment being mercury enemas and air. Tiring of enemas, Johnson opts for air and goes to spend some time at the country house of Henry and Hester Thrale. It goes from there. Johnson and Hester begin an affair, I think. The book blurb says things like ‘tells a story of unrequited love, passion, rejection’ etc etc. This is blatant sales patter and bears no resemblance to the actual novel. If there is any bumping uglies in this book never has the expression been more apt. Johnson is gross and needy, having barely nominal control of his bodily functions and the social graces of a Kardashian (i.e. all he does is talk about himself and demand love and attention).
The Thrales aren’t much better. Mr. Thale is an ass who looses the business and eats himself to death. Hester is a rather horrible woman whose interest in her children seems to diminish with each one she pops out. I gave up the count after 7. It got too depressing. I think its just Queeney (the eldest daughter) alive at the end. A few others made it pretty far but they all got struck down in a spate of ‘Sudden Death’, which apparently just rained from the sky in Georgian times. Well, the story follows these folks and Johnson’s entourage and we go from the country to London, to South London, to Johnson’s home in Litchfield, to Paris. The whole shebang is annotated with letters from Future Queeney and it ends as it begins; with Johnson’s death.
As I understand it, ‘According to Queeney’ comes at Johnson’s life at an oblique angle to the side covered by Boswell, which seems plausible. This has a domesticity of focus and a ‘warts and all’ approach only modern literature would accommodate. Boswell is still lurking in the corners though, as evidenced by a succession of sort-of-familiar sounding people popping in and out of the story and expecting me to recognize them. On the back of my book there is a quote from the Daily Telegraph’s Andrew Marr, “We see Johnson and his friends in unexpected and unfamiliar ways which are nevertheless convincing and authentic.” and herein lies my problem. I have no preconceived notions concerning the interactions of Johnson & Co. Nothing in this book was, to me, unexpected because I had no expectations.
I think the reader needs this background, I really do, because if you go into ‘According to Queeney’ without it there is no whimsy. There are no suppositions being turned on their heads, there is no glamour of the ‘backstage view’, it’s just a lot of people being horrible and babies dying. If you go in for that sort of thing, don’t let me discourage you. This is an excellently written novel, which really brings the domestic minutiae of the late 1700’s to life. Sadly, the late 1700s were horrible in every conceivable way.
I would rather take my chances in the trenches than with the omnipervasive pestilence that was city living before germ theory. The characters, as I have mentioned, do nothing to lift the mood and remain a consistently odious bunch. Who can blame them when this is when they live? Hester Thrale I especially forgive. Sure, she’s a bad human being like the rest of them, but she seems to have some backbone. Besides, there’s only so much rosiness you can sustain in your view of the world when the fruits of your womb expire like library loans. The men are irredeemable.
This is probably a darkened view of the past, it must be. There were probably good, happy, healthy people in the world. Some of them might have even been in this book. Hell, maybe I’ll read Boswell. He can’t be as grim as all this. Or maybe I’ll just flee into Discworld, my Happy Place of genres. I think I’ve earned it. That’s settled, lets wrap this thing up. ‘According to Queeney’ was technically excellent with poignant prose, self-evident research and a plot that, while unstructured, engaged the reader and flowed seamlessly. A fair bit of prior Johnson knowledge is assumed on the part of the author but that’s a minor quibble and probably my fault anyway. ‘According to Queeney’ was also depressing as hell. Awful things happen to awful people and instead of this being a good thing as it can sometimes be the effect is just ‘awful squared’. It’s not an awful book but was an awful read. Interesting, but not enjoyable and so it gets a 2.
*Just to clarify, Doctor, our deal is still on. I’d just ask that if we must visit London in the late 1700’s we bring many antibiotics and NO BABIES.