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Be Kind to Yourself Lib/E: Releasing Frustrations and Embracing Joy
MP3 CD Format When we experience frustrations in daily life, we often hold ourselves to blame. Self-criticism is often our default setting. But we can have a more gracious posture toward ourselves. We can practice disciplines of self-kindness.
Editor and spiritual director Cindy Bunch calls us to self-care through greater compassion for ourselves. She helps us pay attention to the frustrations that bug us in order to identify negative thinking about ourselves or others. As we do so, we can discern what we need to let go. This allows us to lean into the things that bring us joy. Each chapter is filled with spiritual practices and creative exercises for reflection and celebration.
Be kind to yourself. And discover new opportunities to embrace joy.
Editor and spiritual director Cindy Bunch calls us to self-care through greater compassion for ourselves. She helps us pay attention to the frustrations that bug us in order to identify negative thinking about ourselves or others. As we do so, we can discern what we need to let go. This allows us to lean into the things that bring us joy. Each chapter is filled with spiritual practices and creative exercises for reflection and celebration.
Be kind to yourself. And discover new opportunities to embrace joy.
Audio CD
First published July 28, 2020
51 people are currently reading
314 people want to read
About the author
Cindy Bunch
41 books13 followersCindy Bunch is associate publisher and director of editorial at InterVarsity Press, where she has worked for more than thirty years. She acquires and develops for the Formatio line of spiritual formation books. She is the author of Be Kind to Yourself.
Cindy holds an MA in theological studies from Northern Seminary and completed her spiritual direction training at North Park Seminary. She and her husband live in the Chicago suburbs.
Cindy holds an MA in theological studies from Northern Seminary and completed her spiritual direction training at North Park Seminary. She and her husband live in the Chicago suburbs.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 48 reviews
July 25, 2020
A splendid little book that I will return to. Author Cindy Bunch describes the goal of her book: “to reveal ways that we can begin making tiny adjustments to our daily routines to let in more of the things that make us joyful.” While self-care is increasingly prominent in our thought today, Cindy’s approach of being gentle with ourselves while rooted in God’s kindness is winsome and wise. She offers many practices that aim to help us do just that, such as the central one of maintaining a daily record of things that bug me and things that bring me joy (an easier approach to the Daily Examen). I tried a number of the practices as I read, resulting in sweet experiences, so I will keep this book handy, to continue to guide me in my quest to love myself as God loves me.
June 29, 2020
This book made me smile and sigh with recognition all the way through. I'm a spiritual director and I loved all of the different practices that were offered. A beautiful, warm book.
July 29, 2020
It can be so difficult to be kind to yourself. Often the words we use in our self-talk or our lack of taking time for ourselves to rest and rejuvenate are exactly the opposite of what we would say or encourage anyone else to do. I think we have heard the acronym JOY, put Jesus first, then Others, then Yourself so often that in many respects we feel guilty being kind to ourselves and feel that it is not what "good Christians" do. Well, hang on to your hats, because this brand new book gives you permission and encouragement as well as specific ideas on how to Be Kind to Yourself!
To many readers, the name Cindy Bunch is not unfamiliar as she is the associate publisher and director of editorial for InterVarsity Press and is particularly involved in their Formatio line of spiritual formation books. As such she's been around the publishing business for a long time, but Be Kind to Yourself is her first book she has written beyond LifeGuide Bible Studies. One of the first things you notice about this book is that it is a "doing book" rather than a book to simply read. Throughout the book from p. 7 to near the last page, Bunch highlights a variety of practices in which the reader can engage. These practices are so important that there is an index of them at the back of the book. Trying to add all 41 of these practices to your life at one time could be kind of overwhelming. For this reason, I suggest that this is a book you will wish to dip into often as a treasury of ideas to implement as needed instead of adding all of the practices to you to-do list. However, the one practice you will want to implement that is referenced throughout the book is a version of the Daily Examen.
Throughout the book Bunch comes back to the questions of "What's bugging you?" and "What's bring you joy?" It so refreshing and freeing to be able to acknowledge what bugs you and you can do so using this 30 Days of Awareness download that Bunch has made available. Dwelling on those items can be detrimental but stuffing them down and never admitting them can be equally so. After introducing these two questions, Bunch uses them to introduce each chapter. Each chapter begins with an episode from Bunch's life which is used as a springboard to demonstrate how she became with familiar or has used a particular practice in her life and how you can to. When introducing the various practices, Bunch frequently mentions a book or resource in which more information can be found. I have a feeling that I will be returning to many of those familiar titles or locating titles that were new to me.
I highly recommend this brief book. Be Kind to Yourself is a book you will return to frequently as you consider and use the various practices described. It would be a great book to work through with others and to share your experiences using the various practices. This book is also highly recommended as a book to gift to others in your life.
To many readers, the name Cindy Bunch is not unfamiliar as she is the associate publisher and director of editorial for InterVarsity Press and is particularly involved in their Formatio line of spiritual formation books. As such she's been around the publishing business for a long time, but Be Kind to Yourself is her first book she has written beyond LifeGuide Bible Studies. One of the first things you notice about this book is that it is a "doing book" rather than a book to simply read. Throughout the book from p. 7 to near the last page, Bunch highlights a variety of practices in which the reader can engage. These practices are so important that there is an index of them at the back of the book. Trying to add all 41 of these practices to your life at one time could be kind of overwhelming. For this reason, I suggest that this is a book you will wish to dip into often as a treasury of ideas to implement as needed instead of adding all of the practices to you to-do list. However, the one practice you will want to implement that is referenced throughout the book is a version of the Daily Examen.
Throughout the book Bunch comes back to the questions of "What's bugging you?" and "What's bring you joy?" It so refreshing and freeing to be able to acknowledge what bugs you and you can do so using this 30 Days of Awareness download that Bunch has made available. Dwelling on those items can be detrimental but stuffing them down and never admitting them can be equally so. After introducing these two questions, Bunch uses them to introduce each chapter. Each chapter begins with an episode from Bunch's life which is used as a springboard to demonstrate how she became with familiar or has used a particular practice in her life and how you can to. When introducing the various practices, Bunch frequently mentions a book or resource in which more information can be found. I have a feeling that I will be returning to many of those familiar titles or locating titles that were new to me.
I highly recommend this brief book. Be Kind to Yourself is a book you will return to frequently as you consider and use the various practices described. It would be a great book to work through with others and to share your experiences using the various practices. This book is also highly recommended as a book to gift to others in your life.
July 23, 2020
According to the woman who wrote this book's foreword, self-kindness is "an idea we hear very little about these days." I laughed out loud when I read this, because from my vantage point, self-kindness is the ultimate new buzzword and is marketed everywhere. However, even though the foreword overstates this book's novelty, Cindy Bunch provides solid advice for how Christians can improve their lives through self-kindness without idolizing themselves. Instead of telling her readers that they can meet all of their own needs from within, she encourages Christians to choose self-kindness within the context of reliance on God.
Personal and Unique
Bunch encourages readers to keep a daily record of their frustrations and joys, and she shares examples of her own in the chapter headings, showing how she has processed different struggles throughout her life. She writes about her working life as an editor, shares about a divorce that she went through shortly after her first child's birth, and draws on recent experiences from her marriage and blended family to illustrate other points. Within these stories, she covers lots of important topics like love, prayer, and forgiveness, and provides examples of how self-kindness can help us cope with everyday life frustrations and make us more loving to those around us. She is honest and vulnerable about her own struggles with insecurity and self-judging thoughts, and shares lots of real-life examples of how she has grappled with these tendencies, especially with the help of a spiritual director.
This book is part memoir and part activity guide. Bunch shares practical suggestions for organizational issues like email management, and also recommends embodied spiritual practices that can cultivate deeper awareness, self-love, and worship to God. Many of these involve creative activities and imagination, and she shares photos of collages that she has created as a reflective activity. Some of these suggestions will resonate more with particular personality types than others. People who tend to be extremely analytical and matter-of-fact may find some of these activities off-putting, while others may find them challenging and freeing. Bunch encourages readers to evaluate the activities on a case-by-case basis, skipping any that would not be helpful.
Limitations
I appreciate Bunch's personal vulnerability, but I found this book to be mostly surface-level, since she covers so many different topics in a short book. For example, she has a brief chapter on the Enneagram, but she can only introduce it in a very basic way, and draws on social-media-sourced comments to illustrate the different types. One person's comment may not resonate with someone else with the same number, and I'm not sure who this chapter is best suited for. People who are already familiar with the Enneagram will have read more detailed, more helpful treatments elsewhere, and those who are only beginning to learn about it may not be able to type themselves accurately based on the very short descriptions. Also, many of the activity ideas interrupt the text's flow, making this an uneven reading experience.
Conclusion
Be Kind to Yourself: Releasing Frustrations and Embracing Joy has lots of unique elements, and it is full of simple ideas and embodied spiritual practices that can help people connect with God throughout everyday life, be gentler and kinder to themselves, and live in relationship with others out of a secure base. However, even though this book is unique and interesting, I personally found it somewhat scattered, since it addressed so many different topics so briefly, and squeezed in new activity ideas before some paragraphs or even sentences had ended. This was only a three-star book for me, but if what I have described sounds interesting and helpful, I would encourage someone to pursue it. This book has lots of great elements, and provides a helpful Christian perspective on the popular concept of self-care.
I received a free copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
Personal and Unique
Bunch encourages readers to keep a daily record of their frustrations and joys, and she shares examples of her own in the chapter headings, showing how she has processed different struggles throughout her life. She writes about her working life as an editor, shares about a divorce that she went through shortly after her first child's birth, and draws on recent experiences from her marriage and blended family to illustrate other points. Within these stories, she covers lots of important topics like love, prayer, and forgiveness, and provides examples of how self-kindness can help us cope with everyday life frustrations and make us more loving to those around us. She is honest and vulnerable about her own struggles with insecurity and self-judging thoughts, and shares lots of real-life examples of how she has grappled with these tendencies, especially with the help of a spiritual director.
This book is part memoir and part activity guide. Bunch shares practical suggestions for organizational issues like email management, and also recommends embodied spiritual practices that can cultivate deeper awareness, self-love, and worship to God. Many of these involve creative activities and imagination, and she shares photos of collages that she has created as a reflective activity. Some of these suggestions will resonate more with particular personality types than others. People who tend to be extremely analytical and matter-of-fact may find some of these activities off-putting, while others may find them challenging and freeing. Bunch encourages readers to evaluate the activities on a case-by-case basis, skipping any that would not be helpful.
Limitations
I appreciate Bunch's personal vulnerability, but I found this book to be mostly surface-level, since she covers so many different topics in a short book. For example, she has a brief chapter on the Enneagram, but she can only introduce it in a very basic way, and draws on social-media-sourced comments to illustrate the different types. One person's comment may not resonate with someone else with the same number, and I'm not sure who this chapter is best suited for. People who are already familiar with the Enneagram will have read more detailed, more helpful treatments elsewhere, and those who are only beginning to learn about it may not be able to type themselves accurately based on the very short descriptions. Also, many of the activity ideas interrupt the text's flow, making this an uneven reading experience.
Conclusion
Be Kind to Yourself: Releasing Frustrations and Embracing Joy has lots of unique elements, and it is full of simple ideas and embodied spiritual practices that can help people connect with God throughout everyday life, be gentler and kinder to themselves, and live in relationship with others out of a secure base. However, even though this book is unique and interesting, I personally found it somewhat scattered, since it addressed so many different topics so briefly, and squeezed in new activity ideas before some paragraphs or even sentences had ended. This was only a three-star book for me, but if what I have described sounds interesting and helpful, I would encourage someone to pursue it. This book has lots of great elements, and provides a helpful Christian perspective on the popular concept of self-care.
I received a free copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
September 2, 2020
Summary: A little handbook of ideas and practices to help us exercise kindness toward ourselves by releasing what bugs us and embracing joy.
How often have you heard, “I’m my own worst critic.” Life is challenging. Sometimes we make it worse as we berate ourselves (and others) and rob ourselves of joy. Cindy Bunch, an editor who has worked on many spiritual formation books has written one that gets very real about the hard stuff (like a divorce) and proposes that we might do well to learn to exercise kindness toward ourselves, even as God has.
The book is organized around three ten-day examen guides, and within each ten days, four ways of showing kindness. The examen is one of the simplest and most straightforward I’ve seen. It consists of two questions:
What’s bugging you?
What’s bringing you joy?
Acknowledging and letting go of the things that bug us positions us to embrace the moments of joy in our lives and enlarge them.
Each of the chapters on ways to be kind to ourselves start with the author’s own answers to the examen questions and then offers some personal reflections and two or three sidebars with practical suggestions. For example the chapter on “I saw it on Twitter,” subtitled “Knowing What to Let Go” reflects on social media and email, and how we may redemptively use these tools. She begins by commending the use of the serenity prayer (“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”), and then offers sidebars on email management and a social media fast and reset.
There are chapters on paying attention to beautiful things, speaking kindly to ourselves, creating new mental playlists, self-care practices, and even a chapter on the Enneagram. As a bibliophile, I loved the material on reading, but was also challenged by the practice of slow reading, as one who tends to read fast. I was also intrigued by the idea of reading retreats. I even posted a “question of the day” about reading retreats on my Facebook page, and I think I had a bunch of people ready to sign up–particularly if the retreats included wine!
This book comes out during a stressful season which makes it all the more timely. I know of organizations providing distress days and making accommodations for the extra stresses on their workers. We may be tempted to beat up on ourselves because we don’t feel nearly as productive, or sharp, or as composed as we feel we ought to be. I think Cindy Bunch would want us to see that that’s OK. It’s a good time to rediscover what it means to be kind to ourselves. And it’s a good time to buy this book!
________________________________
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary review copy of this book from the publisher. The opinions I have expressed are my own.
How often have you heard, “I’m my own worst critic.” Life is challenging. Sometimes we make it worse as we berate ourselves (and others) and rob ourselves of joy. Cindy Bunch, an editor who has worked on many spiritual formation books has written one that gets very real about the hard stuff (like a divorce) and proposes that we might do well to learn to exercise kindness toward ourselves, even as God has.
The book is organized around three ten-day examen guides, and within each ten days, four ways of showing kindness. The examen is one of the simplest and most straightforward I’ve seen. It consists of two questions:
What’s bugging you?
What’s bringing you joy?
Acknowledging and letting go of the things that bug us positions us to embrace the moments of joy in our lives and enlarge them.
Each of the chapters on ways to be kind to ourselves start with the author’s own answers to the examen questions and then offers some personal reflections and two or three sidebars with practical suggestions. For example the chapter on “I saw it on Twitter,” subtitled “Knowing What to Let Go” reflects on social media and email, and how we may redemptively use these tools. She begins by commending the use of the serenity prayer (“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”), and then offers sidebars on email management and a social media fast and reset.
There are chapters on paying attention to beautiful things, speaking kindly to ourselves, creating new mental playlists, self-care practices, and even a chapter on the Enneagram. As a bibliophile, I loved the material on reading, but was also challenged by the practice of slow reading, as one who tends to read fast. I was also intrigued by the idea of reading retreats. I even posted a “question of the day” about reading retreats on my Facebook page, and I think I had a bunch of people ready to sign up–particularly if the retreats included wine!
This book comes out during a stressful season which makes it all the more timely. I know of organizations providing distress days and making accommodations for the extra stresses on their workers. We may be tempted to beat up on ourselves because we don’t feel nearly as productive, or sharp, or as composed as we feel we ought to be. I think Cindy Bunch would want us to see that that’s OK. It’s a good time to rediscover what it means to be kind to ourselves. And it’s a good time to buy this book!
________________________________
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary review copy of this book from the publisher. The opinions I have expressed are my own.
July 24, 2020
This little book packs a big punch in defeating the negative talk that we develop in our own thought life. The prayerful, attentive practices are now becoming my new habits that encourage welcoming all circumstances into this mindful awareness, but not allowing them to be the boss of me. Cindy's open vulnerability in sharing her own story feels like a companion on the faith journey. The artful expressions of prayer captured in this book were so helpful to get me started on my own art experiments that have allowed grace to permeate my heart, mind and soul. Be kind to yourself and read this book. ♥️
June 15, 2020
Another reviewer wrote that this book would be appropriate for 17 to 30-year-olds, however I have to differ. I am 64 years old and I found many of the authors suggestions and stories and insights valuable, relevant, and ultimately helpful for me on my own spiritual journey.
Thanks to NetGalley, The author and publisher for an advanced reading copy in exchange for my honest opinion.
Thanks to NetGalley, The author and publisher for an advanced reading copy in exchange for my honest opinion.
August 3, 2020
This book comes at a perfect time, the middle of rising cases of covid-19 in the US and the call to social distance. Whether you're finding yourself with more free time than you know what to do with or are at the end of your tether from trying to balance kids at home with working, health is a big theme: staying healthy, getting healthy again if sick, trying to fix systems that aren't healthy, etc. In the Bible, "health" takes on dimensions beyond one's physical well-being. Shalom also entails harmony with God, one's neighbors, one's environment, and oneself. There's a spiritual component, and I think that's where Be Kind to Yourself really shines. Bunch invites us to and guides us through a daily self-examen practice that draws us closer to God and the joy that he wants to bring us in the midst of the frustrations of our fallen state.
This book is an easy read, the sort of book that you can read small chunks of a time as life allows or parcel up as part of a daily devotion. There are plentiful suggestions of spiritual practices that we can apply to our lives, nudges that I found were a good impetus to begin again savoring my time with God (as opposed to checking off a box that I read my Bible and prayed today). I think that any reader who takes the time to go through this book will find it well worth their energy.
This book is an easy read, the sort of book that you can read small chunks of a time as life allows or parcel up as part of a daily devotion. There are plentiful suggestions of spiritual practices that we can apply to our lives, nudges that I found were a good impetus to begin again savoring my time with God (as opposed to checking off a box that I read my Bible and prayed today). I think that any reader who takes the time to go through this book will find it well worth their energy.
July 23, 2020
When our faith calls us to high ethical standards, we can easily slide into shame & self-berating even if we have learned to treat others with grace & gentleness. Cindy Bunch offers a wealth of spiritual practices for giving ourselves that same gentleness, curiosity & grace as we journey into the life of God. Be Kind to Yourself has been a great encouragement to my own journey. The stories it tells (involving both small irritations & deep suffering, both small pleasures & transformative delight) are thoroughly contemporary. Yet its message is beautifully consonant with my reading of the medieval saint Julian of Norwich with her radiant vision of the essential goodness of human nature & of God's joyful embrace of us.
Cindy's experiences as a spiritual director, but especially as a recipient of spiritual direction, infuse this book with loving insight. The meditative art practices she describes are intriguing--I especially want to try the prayer doodles with vines and leaves. I highly recommend Be Kind to Yourself.
Cindy's experiences as a spiritual director, but especially as a recipient of spiritual direction, infuse this book with loving insight. The meditative art practices she describes are intriguing--I especially want to try the prayer doodles with vines and leaves. I highly recommend Be Kind to Yourself.
August 3, 2020
I read "Be Kind To Yourself" mainly because I am not usually kind to myself and know that is a problem. As I began with the book, I was a bit put off by what I thought was its simplicity. It is framed by two simple questions: "What is bugging you?" and "What is bringing you joy?" But like many things that seem too easy to be valuable, this approach can be quite helpful indeed. Cindy Bunch uses her answers to those questions to lead us through painful, poignant, and powerful times in her spiritual journey. Her transparency and willingness to share her struggles are a gift to the reader.
With each exploration of a season of her life, Ms. Bunch introduces us to spiritual practices that helped her learn, grow, and be kind to herself. As a spiritual director, I was already familiar with most of these practices and have used a fair number of them. Here, however, they take on a new life; we meet them where the rubber meets the road. We see how they helped a real person with real struggles to grow in her journey toward wholeness. You will be well motivated to try them on "for size." They won't all suit you, but you will surely learn and grow from having tried them.
It is a book worth reading slowly.
With each exploration of a season of her life, Ms. Bunch introduces us to spiritual practices that helped her learn, grow, and be kind to herself. As a spiritual director, I was already familiar with most of these practices and have used a fair number of them. Here, however, they take on a new life; we meet them where the rubber meets the road. We see how they helped a real person with real struggles to grow in her journey toward wholeness. You will be well motivated to try them on "for size." They won't all suit you, but you will surely learn and grow from having tried them.
It is a book worth reading slowly.
August 3, 2020
I finished a first read of "Be Kind to Yourself" and have begun a slower reading as I'm finding so many wise nuggets for reflection and practice. Part memoir and part handbook, Cindy Bunch shares personal experiences that have led her into new areas of spiritual growth and healing and provides suggestions for how the reader can benefit from these too.
I have read many books on spiritual formation and, while most are instructive and academic, I found Cindy's book to be an easy-to-read, gentle invitation into deeper relationship with self and God. The exercises she recommends are practical and can be done by anyone at any point in their spiritual or life experience. This is a book I will be going back to regularly as I continue the journey of being kind to myself.
I have read many books on spiritual formation and, while most are instructive and academic, I found Cindy's book to be an easy-to-read, gentle invitation into deeper relationship with self and God. The exercises she recommends are practical and can be done by anyone at any point in their spiritual or life experience. This is a book I will be going back to regularly as I continue the journey of being kind to myself.
April 9, 2021
A breath of fresh air for those who struggle with being hard on themselves, their own worst enemy. It's a great resource. The general framework is, What's bugging you? What's bringing you joy? Then the author encourages to take or leave various creative ideas for being kind and enjoying life from a Christian perspective.
February 26, 2021
Since there was a chapter on the Enneagram, I’ll say that my Type 1 “gut” reaction to this book was to love all of the practices to do that led me also deeper into my feelings and thoughts!
August 5, 2020
This slim little book is packed with wisdom and insight and wrapped in gentle guidance. The title is apt - reading it helped me be kind to myself because of Cindy Bunch's vulnerability and transparency as she tells her own journey of self reflection, one that has helped her discover patterns and truths about the things that bug her and the things that bring her joy. Following her prompts, I spend a month recording my own daily joys and frustrations and was able to see patterns and then, start to reframe some of the ways I respond to what life hands me on any given day. Reading this with a few trusted friends makes the book even more valuable.
Read
September 25, 2021Rather unsubstantial. A watered down version of the daily Examen and the author’s musings over her various answers to the daily questions:
What’s bugging me?
And
What’s bringing me joy?
What’s bugging me?
And
What’s bringing me joy?
August 12, 2020
Book Review: Be Kind to Yourself by Cindy Bunch
The other day was yet another exercise in mental self-flagellation for me. My mind raced with questions about why I had made certain choices in certain times, why I had not become “awake” in issues around me sooner, etc. It is a regular occurrence in my life.
This particular time I was so frustrated with myself I pulled out a legal pad and simply began writing. It was a brief review of my life as I looked back on what had influenced me. Within minutes I had 9 written pages.
Beating myself up is a too often regular exercise in my life. In this particular moment came the book, Be Kind to Yourself, by Cindy Bunch. In a few short pages I felt amazing relief.
First, I wasn’t alone.
Second, I needed to hear words of kindness that poured over my soul and I learned quickly the best words of kindness will come from the Spirit… and me.
Cindy is a spiritual director and also works for Intervarsity Press. As she was reading another book on spiritual formation, there were some healing words that came to her from that writing and challenged her to reflect more. This book is the result of that reflection.
This book is an exercise based on two questions:
1. What’s bugging you?
2. What’s bringing you joy?
Ask these two questions each day for 30 days. She found that asking those two questions helped her look deeply into the negative thought patterns she had about herself or others.
When we ask the first question, we can then hear how we talk about ourselves. I am harsh. But the question causes me to then ask WHY I am harsh. I walk back through the scenario that set me off and ask what I was feeling.
It is a process of learning how to deal with moments in new ways.
Cindy leads the reader in very practical exercises and opens up her own life to the very real struggles. Her goal is to move us to shame-free self-examination.
The book is a refreshing exercise. It is practical. It is real. She gets personal.
This is an exercise to walk through with intentionality… and grace. Walk slowly. Find joy in this journey.
The other day was yet another exercise in mental self-flagellation for me. My mind raced with questions about why I had made certain choices in certain times, why I had not become “awake” in issues around me sooner, etc. It is a regular occurrence in my life.
This particular time I was so frustrated with myself I pulled out a legal pad and simply began writing. It was a brief review of my life as I looked back on what had influenced me. Within minutes I had 9 written pages.
Beating myself up is a too often regular exercise in my life. In this particular moment came the book, Be Kind to Yourself, by Cindy Bunch. In a few short pages I felt amazing relief.
First, I wasn’t alone.
Second, I needed to hear words of kindness that poured over my soul and I learned quickly the best words of kindness will come from the Spirit… and me.
Cindy is a spiritual director and also works for Intervarsity Press. As she was reading another book on spiritual formation, there were some healing words that came to her from that writing and challenged her to reflect more. This book is the result of that reflection.
This book is an exercise based on two questions:
1. What’s bugging you?
2. What’s bringing you joy?
Ask these two questions each day for 30 days. She found that asking those two questions helped her look deeply into the negative thought patterns she had about herself or others.
When we ask the first question, we can then hear how we talk about ourselves. I am harsh. But the question causes me to then ask WHY I am harsh. I walk back through the scenario that set me off and ask what I was feeling.
It is a process of learning how to deal with moments in new ways.
Cindy leads the reader in very practical exercises and opens up her own life to the very real struggles. Her goal is to move us to shame-free self-examination.
The book is a refreshing exercise. It is practical. It is real. She gets personal.
This is an exercise to walk through with intentionality… and grace. Walk slowly. Find joy in this journey.
October 28, 2020
As a long-time editor for InterVarsity Press, Cindy Bunch walked into Be Kind to Yourself holding two questions in her heart and extending them to the reader with all the force of a spiritual practice:
What’s bugging you?
What’s bringing you joy?
These two questions are connected at gut level, for as the first makes way for a full expression of the second, we learn to “work with the daily pain” and to “embrace the things that bring awareness of God’s good gifts.” (96)
If you are finding within yourself a need to examine the routines and rhythms of your life through a lens of gentleness, Cynthia Bunch stands with you as a seasoned searcher. She shares insights from her own desolate days and explores spiritual practices that offer help and support. It turns out that tiny adjustments and small acts of noticing offered to God over time begin to make a difference: the burned bacon as well as the sweet hummingbird; the hurtful comment from a friend alongside the healing words of scripture; the disappointment of cancelled flights offset by the comfort of family togetherness.
Be Kind to Yourself offers all the expected advice for rational practices: get some sleep, learn your Enneagram number, practice forgiveness, relinquish control, make time for what you love to do. What keeps it from being just another self-rescue book is the deep current of wisdom that transcends the practical, offering Gospel hope and refusing pat answers to the brutal and unanswerable realities that find their resolution only in the kindness of God.
Many thanks to the publisher for providing a copy of this book to facilitate my review, which, of course, is offered freely and with honesty.
What’s bugging you?
What’s bringing you joy?
These two questions are connected at gut level, for as the first makes way for a full expression of the second, we learn to “work with the daily pain” and to “embrace the things that bring awareness of God’s good gifts.” (96)
If you are finding within yourself a need to examine the routines and rhythms of your life through a lens of gentleness, Cynthia Bunch stands with you as a seasoned searcher. She shares insights from her own desolate days and explores spiritual practices that offer help and support. It turns out that tiny adjustments and small acts of noticing offered to God over time begin to make a difference: the burned bacon as well as the sweet hummingbird; the hurtful comment from a friend alongside the healing words of scripture; the disappointment of cancelled flights offset by the comfort of family togetherness.
Be Kind to Yourself offers all the expected advice for rational practices: get some sleep, learn your Enneagram number, practice forgiveness, relinquish control, make time for what you love to do. What keeps it from being just another self-rescue book is the deep current of wisdom that transcends the practical, offering Gospel hope and refusing pat answers to the brutal and unanswerable realities that find their resolution only in the kindness of God.
Many thanks to the publisher for providing a copy of this book to facilitate my review, which, of course, is offered freely and with honesty.
July 22, 2022
I think this book was okay. I was sort of surprised to see that she was an editor for IVP because this book didn’t feel super polished to me.
That being said: there are definitely some helpful practices here!
I just don’t really think I was this book’s intended audience, and that’s okay. It didn’t resonate with me. I felt like it was pretty surface level and dry. But I can also see how others might really need a book like this at particular times in their lives.
But here’s my main issue: It felt a bit like her honesty/transparency was layered with guilt…? Or something…? I’m not sure. It just didn’t sit well with me. It felt like maybe she’s still processing a lot of stuff, and while it’s brave of her to share, I didn’t really feel compelled to take her advice. And she almost came across as apologetic for offering it.
For example, she has many random self-invalidating comments like, “at a certain level there’s privelege that lies behind [the irritating and mundane tasks tied to affording healthcare, having a job, etc.].” These comments were underdeveloped, and it seemed like she was throwing them in to appease her own guilt, and/or appease others who might be offended that she’s irritated with mundane tasks that *are* a privilege but are, nevertheless, irritating.
But as she’s processing, confessing, and coping, she’s simultaneously invalidating herself and her reader’s emotions and experiences.
That doesn’t feel right in a book with this title.
P.S. I also could go without an entire chapter dedicated to the enneagram, but that’s my own opinion. 🤗
That being said: there are definitely some helpful practices here!
I just don’t really think I was this book’s intended audience, and that’s okay. It didn’t resonate with me. I felt like it was pretty surface level and dry. But I can also see how others might really need a book like this at particular times in their lives.
But here’s my main issue: It felt a bit like her honesty/transparency was layered with guilt…? Or something…? I’m not sure. It just didn’t sit well with me. It felt like maybe she’s still processing a lot of stuff, and while it’s brave of her to share, I didn’t really feel compelled to take her advice. And she almost came across as apologetic for offering it.
For example, she has many random self-invalidating comments like, “at a certain level there’s privelege that lies behind [the irritating and mundane tasks tied to affording healthcare, having a job, etc.].” These comments were underdeveloped, and it seemed like she was throwing them in to appease her own guilt, and/or appease others who might be offended that she’s irritated with mundane tasks that *are* a privilege but are, nevertheless, irritating.
But as she’s processing, confessing, and coping, she’s simultaneously invalidating herself and her reader’s emotions and experiences.
That doesn’t feel right in a book with this title.
P.S. I also could go without an entire chapter dedicated to the enneagram, but that’s my own opinion. 🤗
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 30, 2023
Be Kind To Yourself by Cindy Bunch
This little book is a gem, that encourages the reader towards greater self-compassion and kindness, and less self-criticism. The author’s goal is for the reader to experience more joy in their life.
The book is designed to be read slowly, during the course of a month, with a daily practice of examen, recording one thing that is “bugging you”, and one thing that is bringing you joy each day.
She takes the reader on a journey through first identifying negative self-talk and learning to be more compassionate to yourself. Then, she teaches about underlying limiting beliefs, forgiveness, and learning to recognise what to let go of. Finally, she encourages a deeper self-awareness, with a slower pace, practicing gratitude, learning the Enneagram and prioritising the things that nourish.
I think the most helpful part of the book is the introduction to more than 40 spiritual practices that are scattered throughout the book. Each one is an invitation to engage in it and experience it for yourself. Regular practice can be transformative, as the unhealthy is let go of, and the deeper inner truth and self is found.
It is a book to read through, slowly, once, trying out the practices as you go. And then it is a book to refer back to, to continue a daily practice, and remind yourself of the principles the author, an experienced spiritual director, is revealing.
Highly recommended to anyone seeking reflection and awakening in their spirit.
This little book is a gem, that encourages the reader towards greater self-compassion and kindness, and less self-criticism. The author’s goal is for the reader to experience more joy in their life.
The book is designed to be read slowly, during the course of a month, with a daily practice of examen, recording one thing that is “bugging you”, and one thing that is bringing you joy each day.
She takes the reader on a journey through first identifying negative self-talk and learning to be more compassionate to yourself. Then, she teaches about underlying limiting beliefs, forgiveness, and learning to recognise what to let go of. Finally, she encourages a deeper self-awareness, with a slower pace, practicing gratitude, learning the Enneagram and prioritising the things that nourish.
I think the most helpful part of the book is the introduction to more than 40 spiritual practices that are scattered throughout the book. Each one is an invitation to engage in it and experience it for yourself. Regular practice can be transformative, as the unhealthy is let go of, and the deeper inner truth and self is found.
It is a book to read through, slowly, once, trying out the practices as you go. And then it is a book to refer back to, to continue a daily practice, and remind yourself of the principles the author, an experienced spiritual director, is revealing.
Highly recommended to anyone seeking reflection and awakening in their spirit.
August 19, 2020
The first spiritual formation book by spiritual director and associate publisher and director of editorial for Intervarsity Press (IVP) Formatio (Spiritual Formation) line of books, Cindy Bunch.
It is a very practical companion guide for spiritual formation and contains built-in workbook areas to move yourself through practices and new ways of behaving and thinking, reflecting and noticing. It is also a kind homage to Bunch's late spiritual companion, Marilyn Stewart.
TWO, SIMPLE BUT POWERFUL, QUESTIONS we can ask ourselves -
What’s bugging you ?
What’s bringing you joy ?
The book reveals that in giving graciousness and kindness to ourselves we, by consequence, offer it to our world. Through the course of these pages we can start and continue to pay closer attention to the habits that hold us back and create ones that sustain us.
This book is unusual compared to many paperback books in that it contains photos and images. Among them are Cindy's collage art work and examples of ways to make images and visuals part of our spiritual practices and new ways of reflecting and noticing.
It is a very practical companion guide for spiritual formation and contains built-in workbook areas to move yourself through practices and new ways of behaving and thinking, reflecting and noticing. It is also a kind homage to Bunch's late spiritual companion, Marilyn Stewart.
TWO, SIMPLE BUT POWERFUL, QUESTIONS we can ask ourselves -
What’s bugging you ?
What’s bringing you joy ?
The book reveals that in giving graciousness and kindness to ourselves we, by consequence, offer it to our world. Through the course of these pages we can start and continue to pay closer attention to the habits that hold us back and create ones that sustain us.
This book is unusual compared to many paperback books in that it contains photos and images. Among them are Cindy's collage art work and examples of ways to make images and visuals part of our spiritual practices and new ways of reflecting and noticing.
August 29, 2020
I was startled when this book ended. I was enjoying it and wasn't expecting it to end. I liked starting each day thinking about "What is bugging me?" and "What is bringing me joy." In fact, I started using those questions as an icebreaker for meetings I lead.
This book shouldn't be consumed like fast food but savored like a good meal over time. It has a lot of easy onramp spiritual practices to try. I tried a few new ones myself. Making an altar was fun and creative. I made an altar of things that were getting me through the pandemic and took a picture to remember.
I'd recommend this book to anyone who needs a little love, self-care, and spiritual encouragement.
One thing I loved about the book was Cindy's vulnerability about her own life and sharing it with the world. Too often authors feel unapproachable but Cindy's honesty about her divorce and the times she's said things that she regrets really helps a reader to connect with her as a real person.
Thank you Cindy for this labor of love!
This book shouldn't be consumed like fast food but savored like a good meal over time. It has a lot of easy onramp spiritual practices to try. I tried a few new ones myself. Making an altar was fun and creative. I made an altar of things that were getting me through the pandemic and took a picture to remember.
I'd recommend this book to anyone who needs a little love, self-care, and spiritual encouragement.
One thing I loved about the book was Cindy's vulnerability about her own life and sharing it with the world. Too often authors feel unapproachable but Cindy's honesty about her divorce and the times she's said things that she regrets really helps a reader to connect with her as a real person.
Thank you Cindy for this labor of love!
August 17, 2021
My review in 3 or more words: gentle | encouraging | devotional
A warm narrative with guided reflection for tending to joy in our daily lives. I enjoyed the format of Bunch’s story, offering direction for practicing joy framed around the spiritual practice of praying the examen. Also, if you’ve ever needed encouragement in the spiritual practice of Smashing Things, this book is for you!
Chapter titles are one of my favorite things about this book:
Paying Attention to Beautiful Things
Speaking Kindly to Ourselves
Creating a New Mental Playlist
Knowing What to Let Go
The God Who Sees Me
Establishing Self-Care Practices
Discovering What’s Underneath
Forgiving Others
Taking One Thing At a Time
Gratitude Flip
The Wisdom of the Enneagram
Finding Time for What Nourishes Us
More here: https://www.tamarahillmurphy.com/blog...
A warm narrative with guided reflection for tending to joy in our daily lives. I enjoyed the format of Bunch’s story, offering direction for practicing joy framed around the spiritual practice of praying the examen. Also, if you’ve ever needed encouragement in the spiritual practice of Smashing Things, this book is for you!
Chapter titles are one of my favorite things about this book:
Paying Attention to Beautiful Things
Speaking Kindly to Ourselves
Creating a New Mental Playlist
Knowing What to Let Go
The God Who Sees Me
Establishing Self-Care Practices
Discovering What’s Underneath
Forgiving Others
Taking One Thing At a Time
Gratitude Flip
The Wisdom of the Enneagram
Finding Time for What Nourishes Us
More here: https://www.tamarahillmurphy.com/blog...
January 5, 2023
I wish I'd read a sample first
My New Year's Resolution is to be kind to myself, and I've never made a resolution like that before so I decided I needed a book to help me with it. I was so excited when I came across this title that I bought it without checking out the sample, which is what I normally do. It turns out to be a Christian devotional work and I'm not a Christian. Well, I've read some other Christian books and been able to glean valuable information from them, or been able to adapt practices, so I thought I'd carry on reading.
Apart from a couple of small passages I've highlighted I gained almost nothing from this book. You really do have to be a devoted Christian to get anything out of it. Even then, the whole book boils down to two questions 1) what's bugging you? 2) what brings you joy?
Unless you're a Christian, be kind to yourself and spend your money elsewhere.
My New Year's Resolution is to be kind to myself, and I've never made a resolution like that before so I decided I needed a book to help me with it. I was so excited when I came across this title that I bought it without checking out the sample, which is what I normally do. It turns out to be a Christian devotional work and I'm not a Christian. Well, I've read some other Christian books and been able to glean valuable information from them, or been able to adapt practices, so I thought I'd carry on reading.
Apart from a couple of small passages I've highlighted I gained almost nothing from this book. You really do have to be a devoted Christian to get anything out of it. Even then, the whole book boils down to two questions 1) what's bugging you? 2) what brings you joy?
Unless you're a Christian, be kind to yourself and spend your money elsewhere.
January 8, 2021
Cindy's book could not have come at a better time. In fact, just reading the title/subtitle over and over is enough to soothe some of the anxiety that each of us are experiencing in this challenging season in our history.
But go ahead and open that beautiful cover and proceed. Cindy's given us all a delightful collection of wise suggestions for how we can take better care of ourselves. Her direction is practical and engaging, without a hint of judgment.
If you long to do more in these days than simply survive, read this book. It will be a gift to you, and to those who are close to you.
But go ahead and open that beautiful cover and proceed. Cindy's given us all a delightful collection of wise suggestions for how we can take better care of ourselves. Her direction is practical and engaging, without a hint of judgment.
If you long to do more in these days than simply survive, read this book. It will be a gift to you, and to those who are close to you.
March 4, 2021
Audio
3.5 rounded up
This book wasn’t what I was expecting, but it still had some merit. I thought it was more about recognizing the ways we speak untruths to ourselves, naming those and their corresponding truths, and finding joy. Really, it centered more around asking yourself (regularly, like daily, in the mundane seasons of life) two questions:
What’s bugging/frustrating me?
What’s bringing me joy?
and then see where God wants to lead you from there.
The author also provides a spiritual growth practices and tools for creative experiences you can use everyday or specifically for spiritual retreats.
3.5 rounded up
This book wasn’t what I was expecting, but it still had some merit. I thought it was more about recognizing the ways we speak untruths to ourselves, naming those and their corresponding truths, and finding joy. Really, it centered more around asking yourself (regularly, like daily, in the mundane seasons of life) two questions:
What’s bugging/frustrating me?
What’s bringing me joy?
and then see where God wants to lead you from there.
The author also provides a spiritual growth practices and tools for creative experiences you can use everyday or specifically for spiritual retreats.
June 21, 2023
I loved this book! I’ve read it slowly, savouring the text, spending time trying out the practices.
I love how Cindy has been so honest and threaded her own life story and spiritual journey with the practices of kindness to oneself and soul care. What a lovely book.
I love the illustrations and the format of the little boxes with practices in.
The book itself is cute and has a beautiful cover.
I guess it’s maybe what I’d expect from an editor writing a book - pretty much perfection!
A book to read and digest and return to. Thanks Cindy Bunch for a fantastic resource and for your honesty and openness. It was refreshing and encouraging.
I love how Cindy has been so honest and threaded her own life story and spiritual journey with the practices of kindness to oneself and soul care. What a lovely book.
I love the illustrations and the format of the little boxes with practices in.
The book itself is cute and has a beautiful cover.
I guess it’s maybe what I’d expect from an editor writing a book - pretty much perfection!
A book to read and digest and return to. Thanks Cindy Bunch for a fantastic resource and for your honesty and openness. It was refreshing and encouraging.
April 30, 2021
This book is creative, practical, and filled with grace. Something we could all use more of in these days. Bunch shares authentically from her life how she journeys with Christ in different season of life. Part of her journey are spiritual practices that incorporate gratitude and self care. . .showing ourselves compassion and grace. I appreciate her twist on the classic Examen practice, by suggesting these two reflection questions each day: "What is bugging you?" "What is bringing you joy?" Excellent read.
March 4, 2022
In Be Kind to Yourself, you will find a treasure trove of thoughtful Practices to help you re-connect with yourself and with God. Cindy Bunch is a spiritual director and editor, and she gently encourages the reader to be more gracious and compassionate with themselves as they work to recognize the joy in their lives. Her guidance is shaped by her own painful journey through this process, which she mindfully shares throughout the book.
Be Kind to Yourself is a small book with a big and generous heart.
Be Kind to Yourself is a small book with a big and generous heart.
July 28, 2020
Be Kind To Yourself is a fabulous book for people emerging into spiritual practices. It is easily read and a solid introduction to formational exercises. I support this book so much that I have purchased 2 dozen copies to share with those involved in our ministry.
The author provides great ideas for ways to kindly focus on God and deepen your awareness of his presence. Her ideas are simple and easy to try or add to our daily life.
The author provides great ideas for ways to kindly focus on God and deepen your awareness of his presence. Her ideas are simple and easy to try or add to our daily life.
May 2, 2021
Simple collection of practices that can help us take our issues to God. I wouldn't have picked this up on my own, but I'm thankful a friend gave it to me.
On the one hand, it could be a very quick read, but on the other hand, its purpose is to guide you through activities that should take some time. Now that I've read through it to discuss with my friends, I picture myself referring to it to liven up prayer time or maybe have a home retreat day.
On the one hand, it could be a very quick read, but on the other hand, its purpose is to guide you through activities that should take some time. Now that I've read through it to discuss with my friends, I picture myself referring to it to liven up prayer time or maybe have a home retreat day.
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