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How to Stop the Pain
We all experience pain! Every day millions of people live in a world of heartache. We’re forced to smile and pretend that everything is all right. You’ve been wounded, and you just can’t seem to heal. You try to get on with your life, but you just can’t move on. You forgive, but you can’t forget! Every day exhumes the pain you try to bury. It cripples your relationships with people, God, and life itself. It destroys your ability to pursue your dreams.
This paradigm-shattering book will free you from the forces that would turn you into a victim. It will lead you step-by-step through a simple process that will free you from the pain of the past and protect you from the pain of the future.
This paradigm-shattering book will free you from the forces that would turn you into a victim. It will lead you step-by-step through a simple process that will free you from the pain of the past and protect you from the pain of the future.
208 pages, Paperback
Published December 1, 2001
148 people are currently reading
464 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 44 reviews
January 2, 2013
The subtitle of this book is "Pain is Inevitable, Suffering is Optional." This book took the spotlight off the problem and put it on my heart. The main theme...judge not, that ye be not judged. It was great! I learned some very important lessons. One important lesson near the end of the book is "...we are who God says we are and who Jesus has made us to be. We have no other identity." Of course, Jesus made us totally accepted, forgiven, clothed in His righteousness. That is who I am in Christ. I highly recommend this book.
July 27, 2012
This is NOT fiction like almost all the other books I read. It is a christian book that deals with moving on, forgiving and not judging (those that have hurt you). I have read it 3 times and recommended it to many others that seem to be "stuck" in their lives and can't seem to move on.
Excellent
Excellent
October 10, 2012
This book was really good. Oh the pain misguided Christians can heap on other Christians and non-Christians alike, just by judging instead of loving! Really opened my eyes to areas within myself that need to be worked on.
March 27, 2017
Excellent! This book is life changing. It opens your eyes to the way we process offenses and helps you understand how to not let them control your future. It's practical and resonates with the soul.
June 11, 2025
This is one I read every few years. It has something new for me every time.
May 5, 2021
This book was and is amazing!!! It taught me a lot, and had a lot of beautiful quotes. This book was well put together! The main theme of this was judgment. How we should not huge others and our self because God is the only judge. Also to not try to fix people or point out their sin. I really enjoyed how the author shared stuff from his own life, it was very interesting. This book is very impactful and is a must read in my opinion!!! I highly recommend it for anyone, even if you do not believe in God and Jesus.
PS The paperback edition is lovely and has a great feel to it! ❤️
PS The paperback edition is lovely and has a great feel to it! ❤️
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March 21, 2023Opinion: this book could have been titled better, perhaps, to clarify the specific type of suffering and pain it's addressing. The author's specific message is about how not to have your feelings hurt unnecessarily by assuming you know the motives behind other people's actions. Within that framework, his message is clear. Framing the matter so broadly in the title and introduction, however, just had me wishing for more nuance and thinking about other types of pain and suffering, many of which will not stop even if/when you experience emotional freedom in the area this book addresses.
August 27, 2024
I struggled getting through this book. It is a great message, but it lacked real world examples and translations to relate to my life - It felt more like a theology class.
November 15, 2008
Loved this book. Brought wisdom and truth that in turn brought freedom!
April 1, 2025
This book changes everything. The title could be better, but I don't think he overexaggerates when he says that the source of all our problems is how we judge one another. He defines judging as basically drawing your own conclusions as to why someone did or said something that ended up hurting you. Brené Brown says we do this to try and make sense of something terrible that is very confusing.
Example: you text a friend, and when they finally get back with you, their response is kind of short. It is true that you texted, that they took a few days to reply, and that they didn't say much in their response, but we judge them when we make up *why* they did those things. The facts of what happened can be fairly meaningless, but we give them significance when we suppose why someone did or said something and then make a whole situation out of the new thing that probably isn't even true. He gives lots of examples of how we do this, the consequences of that, how we judge God when we suppose why He does things, and he tells us the solution (finding our identity and security in the Lord and His promises rather than in our own eyes or the eyes of others).
This book is AMAZING. Yes, there are parts that don't apply to me or a couple of places where he takes a few liberties, but 90% of the book is applicable and mind-blowing. I'm glad I highlighted and underlined so much so I can go back to all the best parts!
Example: you text a friend, and when they finally get back with you, their response is kind of short. It is true that you texted, that they took a few days to reply, and that they didn't say much in their response, but we judge them when we make up *why* they did those things. The facts of what happened can be fairly meaningless, but we give them significance when we suppose why someone did or said something and then make a whole situation out of the new thing that probably isn't even true. He gives lots of examples of how we do this, the consequences of that, how we judge God when we suppose why He does things, and he tells us the solution (finding our identity and security in the Lord and His promises rather than in our own eyes or the eyes of others).
This book is AMAZING. Yes, there are parts that don't apply to me or a couple of places where he takes a few liberties, but 90% of the book is applicable and mind-blowing. I'm glad I highlighted and underlined so much so I can go back to all the best parts!
July 8, 2024
AMAZING!!!!! 💥🤯🤯🤯 FIRSTLY: this is not a book about grief, for that, the title is rather vague. THIS IS FOR EVERYONE. A new instant favourite. The author truly, like a skilled surgeon under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, reveals meaning from passages in a way that I have never before, heard - and I love studying Scripture!! I am truly astounded!!!
The bottom line for this book, what makes it so powerful and integral for every Believer: really, it's how to stop being offended, and how to look at things through the lens of Christ and His suffering for our freedom, instead! The way He actually intended us to live, and what He really meant about "judging".
This is so excellent!!! Everyone needs to read this, it instantly eliminated and re-framed my perspective on some burdens I truly did not know how to be rid of, but have easily let go, in context. God is truly good!!! 🙌🙌🙌
The bottom line for this book, what makes it so powerful and integral for every Believer: really, it's how to stop being offended, and how to look at things through the lens of Christ and His suffering for our freedom, instead! The way He actually intended us to live, and what He really meant about "judging".
This is so excellent!!! Everyone needs to read this, it instantly eliminated and re-framed my perspective on some burdens I truly did not know how to be rid of, but have easily let go, in context. God is truly good!!! 🙌🙌🙌
October 28, 2021
"Perfectionism is a torment based on fear. Fear is the fruit of not experiencing love. The perfectionist fears judgment."~pg.92
I wish every single Christian would read this book. My counselor recommended this to me and it confirms every gut instinct I've ever had about God and the church.
The point that Richards makes in this book is that judgment is what causes people pain. I had never thought about it, but it makes complete sense.
I wish all churches could let go of judgment and teach their people how not to judge themselves and others. It would show people how to break free from their suffering.
I wish every single Christian would read this book. My counselor recommended this to me and it confirms every gut instinct I've ever had about God and the church.
The point that Richards makes in this book is that judgment is what causes people pain. I had never thought about it, but it makes complete sense.
I wish all churches could let go of judgment and teach their people how not to judge themselves and others. It would show people how to break free from their suffering.
June 29, 2018
Great book..A little long the subject of non judgement but the premise was very good. Highly recommend to friends and family. Great advice on how to help others instead of trying to solve others problems.
1- “(Matthew 24:12). As mankind treats one another in destructive, self-centered ways, we create emotional wounds that make people afraid to love and trust. And the less we feel loved, the more pain we inflict upon each other. Thus the ever-growing cycle continues on, and pain abounds.
1- “(Matthew 24:12). As mankind treats one another in destructive, self-centered ways, we create emotional wounds that make people afraid to love and trust. And the less we feel loved, the more pain we inflict upon each other. Thus the ever-growing cycle continues on, and pain abounds.
August 29, 2017
I really took my time reading (and re-reading some sentences/paragraphs) to let what I recognize in myself and the solution sink in. I'm still not 100% sure how to apply all that I've read, as old habits are hard to break, but I definitely want to live the better life Jesus lived and died for me to have!
May 20, 2019
Judgement Explained and Dissected
An excellent book that will change how you hear, see, and feel other’s judgements of you, and how you judge others. Powerful words explain what God had intended for us to do, say, and feel. I can’t remember the last time I read a more enlightening book.
An excellent book that will change how you hear, see, and feel other’s judgements of you, and how you judge others. Powerful words explain what God had intended for us to do, say, and feel. I can’t remember the last time I read a more enlightening book.
March 16, 2022
So much wisdom in this read. A book I will have to reread over the years. Practical steps to take in renewing my mind and living in freedom. Relationships are what makes up my world/ our world. Yet, the most important relationship I will ever have is with God and with myself. When I love God. When I love myself. I can love others with no conditions. Worth the read!
December 13, 2017
If like easy reads do not read this book. One of the most challenging books to read because of how it makes you look at your own issues. Very real and honest and one that I would recommend if you like to grow.
January 10, 2021
W-O-W
I read this book as part of a book club and W-O-W!
This was a game changer for me!
It helped me to understand some topics that have been confusing me for so long. I walk away from this book having a new found view of God that is so freeing and doesn’t feel burdensome.
I read this book as part of a book club and W-O-W!
This was a game changer for me!
It helped me to understand some topics that have been confusing me for so long. I walk away from this book having a new found view of God that is so freeing and doesn’t feel burdensome.
November 19, 2018
Overall it's a good book.
Overall it's a good book. It would be have been much better if there were real life examples. Good read
Overall it's a good book. It would be have been much better if there were real life examples. Good read
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June 3, 2019Good book
January 25, 2020
One of the best books I have ever read, if applicable to you. It touches aspects of your life depending on how much their is or was, even if you don't know it.
June 3, 2020
Hard to get into but full of wisdom.
June 29, 2020
Great!
The truth of the Gospel in every chapter. Practical applications and causes the reader to be insightful and feel encouraged and empowered in who they are in Christ.
The truth of the Gospel in every chapter. Practical applications and causes the reader to be insightful and feel encouraged and empowered in who they are in Christ.
October 20, 2020
This book has the potential to free you from many of life's burdens and chains, but you have to allow God to do the healing!
December 30, 2021
The best book I read in 2021
April 8, 2023
Encouraging and Reassuring
One of the best reads to read when you go through hardships. But most importantly to read it before problems start.
One of the best reads to read when you go through hardships. But most importantly to read it before problems start.
February 1, 2024
Really great book. 4 stars because it was Very repetitive. Challenging topics, in the best way! Just what I needed.
April 12, 2024
Definitely will be reading again.
Uses bible verse to help for situations, gives practical reasons for why and how to change them
Uses bible verse to help for situations, gives practical reasons for why and how to change them
July 17, 2025
This definitely had some good points about love, judgement, and truth. I do feel like it was quite repetitive, and could have been even shorter.
3.5 Stars
3.5 Stars
July 31, 2025
If a Christian self-help book could be a banger
Displaying 1 - 30 of 44 reviews