This is Not How It Ends

by Jehan Casinader

How Rewriting Your Story Can Save Your Life From mindfulness to massage, pills to Pilates - Jehan Casinader tried it all, and none of it cured his depression.As an award-winning TV journalist, Jehan made a living from telling other people's stories - until he lost control of his own. Increasingly suicidal, he was there something missing?This Is Not How It Ends chronicles Jehan's four-year descent into depression, and how he used the power of storytelling to climb out.In this gritty, vulnerable and life-affirming book, he argues that many of us think our brains are broken - but in fact, our stories are broken. We're playing poor characters in toxic stories, and our mental health is suffering as a result.Jehan began an experiment on himself. Could he rewrite his past? Could he reinvent his character? Could he create a whole new plot?Step-by-step, Jehan guides the reader through his process. Along the way, he learns about the power of suffering, courage and belonging. And he meets incredible people who have overcome mental distress by changing their own narratives.This Is Not How It Ends was written during the darkest months of Jehan's life, and is bound to challenge readers' understanding of mental illness. This practical book carries a message of rewriting your story can save your life.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Self Help, Psychology, Book Club, Audiobook

Audio CD

Reviews

[Kerri · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting book, well written, with a lot of insight into depression and suicide, from various stories. A tricky one to review because it contains so many deeply personal stories, both the authors own, and other people who have shared with him. Given New Zealand's worryingly high rates of depression and suicide, I hope this book proves helpful to people. It is a good read from three perspectives I think: if you yourself are struggling with these things, if you are a support person to someone who is, or if you simply want to learn more about a the topic.

Some articles and reviews I enjoyed:

https://www.newsroom.co.nz/readingroo...

https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/heal...

https://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/we...

[Lynette · Rating 5 out of 5]

I always enjoyed Jehan's work as a journalist and was a little surprised to hear of his struggles, though I have no idea why I would be not knowing him personally! Some really great points in this book and I found myself reading it in pretty much one sitting.

I hope we hear more from Jehan and that writing this has helped his mental health greatly as well as helping others and helping end the stigma. It is great to see more people, men especially open up and talk about mental health.
I recommend this strongly to others.

[Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend this book for anyone who’s struggled with depression, or even inability to focus on the positives in their life. Will be re-reading.

[Louise · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’m moved so far away from the worst moments of my depression that I’ve started to forget that unrelenting feeling of worthlessness that emanates from deep depression. This book opened me back into those memories, though in a way where I could observe without succumbing. For a while, I had no hope for a future without fear and loneliness. For a while, I wanted to die. I’d actually started to forget how comforting my depression became; a blanket to hide within, against the world.

-

Casinader’s personal story is the most compelling part of the book. His frank discussion about his own dark thoughts and unsuccessful coping strategies ground the book in lived experience. He knows what it’s like to get stuck in the unforgiving cycle of self-hatred and despair. He knows the fear that the cycle is inescapable. He’s honesty makes us want to believe that the darkness is survivable.

However, as a treatise for guiding people in how to retell their own stories, I found the book to be underdeveloped. This is perhaps because Casinader is still in the process of rewriting his story and so the process through has not yet emerged. I’d have liked there to have been a greater outline of the scientific research - but I studied psychology, so I would say that. Also, I’m unclear why the author thinks his approach or interpretation is different to more typical approaches to psychological treatment, e.g. CBT. Cognitive based therapy involves reinterpretation of your own history and experience. ACT is all about identifying and living your core values. The author thinks that because therapy didn’t snap him out of his cage that it wasn’t doing anything. But he is right that the mental health system that is in place is spotty and daunting. Simply finding the right therapist, for your particular needs (then finding someone new when your needs change) is a shit of a process, and progress can be messy.

This book has its heart in the right place. It just needed a more solid foundation.

EDIT: I’ve just finished reading Eight Steps to Nanette by Hannah Gatesby and I can’t think of a better example of someone dismantling and rebuilding their personal narrative than in Gatesby’s story. It’s not always an easy read but it is extremely powerful.

[Jonathon Hagger · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jehan has written an honest, forthright and factual account of his struggles with depression. He doesn’t cover over any of his struggles nor does he glorify the seemingly endless depths of despair. This is a book that interweaves many different threads and creates a book that is non confrontational, easy to read and highly recommended for everyone.

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is an easily read book about struggling with depression, a topic many people can relate to. Jehan Casinader was a familiar face on New Zealand TV for many years. However much he loved journalism and was successful, he also grappled with depression. He left his career, returned to his hometown and lived quietly while writing this book and creating a new way of working.The author has written honestly about many of the people he interviewed and how they have inspired him, and these stories are interwoven with his own story. Growing up small, slim and brown skinned; the emotional toll of covering real life events of pain and cruelty and the loneliness of moving away from family and friends are all covered.

Casinader recognised his depression and tried to overcome it with lifestyle changes and reaching out to friends. But what mostly helped was the idea that he could rewrite his story, and change his narrative. I really like this idea - there is always another way to view an event or situation. I just would've liked more about how to do this, or how Jehan did this. The book ends with lists of questions to ask yourself, which I guess is intended to help the reader do this. But I wanted a story to help me understand HOW to rewrite a story. Because the book is short I may re read this, and see if I get more clarity.

[Carsonator Higgins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really beneficial. I have ADHD and anxiety disorder so found the content relatable and the advice useful. Well written and very honest. Kia kaha and thank you Jehan

[Joanna Fountain · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5

[Jordan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to this as an audiobook, and I didn't know what to expect when I began: would it be Dr Phil-style, self-help schmaltz; or a glum memoir of bare survival? Instead, I found Jehan's book to a courageous story of hope combined wtih thoughtful suggestions on how to think about depression/anxiety differently. The writing was clear and engaging, personal and practical. I never felt bogged down, even as Jehan frankly recounted some of his most raw and difficult days. His work as a journalist provided a neat backdrop to the "story" or "narrative" approach to mental health, and I really enjoyed the way Jehan was able to connect this theme to some of the stories he has covered. The book has helped me better reflect on aspects of my own story, and it has inspired me to be a better friend, too. I would commend it to anyone who is or who knows someone with depression/anxiety.

[Kieran · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 stars

I really enjoyed the stories in here about people overcoming their struggles with mental health. They were written in an easy-to-read way and were super interesting.


The only downside to this book is that it tries to be a little bit too helpful. I think telling your own mental health journey is helpful enough on it's own. There are no real tips on how to put some of these suggestions into action and I don't know if they would help everyone.

I disagreed with a couple of things said in this book but I think the general good intentions of this book let me overlook them.

[Shanti · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really good writing, wonderful stories, cool thinking about narratives of self and collective living and responsibilities to each other. the book was definitely written as part of Jehan's pitch to being a speaker-for-hire and honestly, love that for him. It gave me some good ideas about how to love the people in my life with mental illness better, and some of the strucutres in society that lead to mental illness.

[Bridget · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great writing, wonderful stories. Jehan showed much courage in writing this book and I found the way he reframed his view on life inspiring. Highly recommended.

[Virginia · Rating 5 out of 5]

New Zealand TV journalist Jehan Casinader has written a book that offers a way from pain to peace through changing our own narratives.
This Is Not How It Ends – How Rewriting Your Story Can Save Your Life was, and is, a revelation to me. It’s challenging, uncomfortably so at times, and unashamedly honest. That is its power.
It was given to me on Christmas Day and I devoured it as fast as my niece’s home-made mint chocolates and my sister’s fruit mince pies.
As a reporter on the front-line, Jehan has faced tragedy and triumph, horror and happiness, and his own life-engulfing depression.
He intertwines his own story of growing up as a curious and questioning kid of Sri Lankan heritage, always feeling different, with stories about how other people have rewritten their lives. There are also poignant moments of his journalism journey in there too. His words made me cry.
This book makes for compelling reading as Jehan shows us how to Reclaim Your Story, Rewrite Your Past, Reinvent Your Character, Reshape Your Plot, and Release Your Ending.
If you’ve struggled with or are still living with mental distress, like many of us are or have, Jehan’s book is a huge relief. It’s not a must-do guide on how to recover; it’s one packed with possibilities, roominess for change, and there’s no preaching.
This Is Not How It Ends is one of the most hopeful books I’ve read in years.
Because – we can write a different story.

[Sue Page · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! I picked up this book because I saw it on display at the library and I was mildly curious about it. I don't watch TV, so I hadn't heard of the author, and I wasn't really expecting too much from the book. Was I ever mistaken! I could not put this down. Written with bravery, honesty and openness, this book delivers a smorgasbord of stories from the author's life, covering both his own experiences and those of some of the people he has met in his job as a journalist. Some of those stories are heart-wrenching, some will make you cry (lions, I'm looking at you!), some will reinforce just how lucky most of us are. All of them will make you think - deeply, if you are so inclined. And although this book has been written through the lens of depression, I don't think the concept of "rewriting your story" needs to be confined to those with a clinical diagnosis. If you're feeling a bit lost, or dissatisfied, or stale, writing your own story could well be the activity that is needed to set your life back on track. Totally recommend.

[Kiwiflora · Rating 4 out of 5]

How brave to write such a personal account of one's life. And how cathartic too. There seem to be so many tools for dealing with mental illness, depression, anxiety. And I guess, like the variety of forms these illnesses take, then there must be a myriad of treatments too. For a man who tells stories for a living, and does that so well, it just seems the natural path for him to follow in using story telling to find a better way to live. It really is such a simple tool, as every single person, no matter how young or old has a story to tell. Simply by being born, a story of a life begins. And best of all, you can put your own spin on it, empowering you even further. Aside from the technique Jehan Casinader uses to find his own story, how he tells the story of his own depression is deeply revealing, personal and educational. His courage to share his story, to open himself up is a wonderful gift to the rest of us and gives us all something to learn. Maybe we begin to write our own story too.

[Gemma Crouse · Rating 4 out of 5]

This memoir follows New Zealand journalist Jehan Casinader as he navigates his own battle with depression while exploring the stories of others facing mental health challenges. Blending personal experience with interviews and reflections, the book dives into the narratives we tell ourselves — and how reshaping them can change the course of our lives.

I really appreciated the honesty and vulnerability in this book. It’s a great read for anyone struggling with mental health or supporting someone who is. While it felt a bit disjointed at times, I understand that was intentional. The message at the heart of the book is clear and important: this is not how it ends. There is always more to the story, and always hope.

Loved finding a great NZ book!

[Kristine · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is exactly the same conclusion I came to when thinking about how your perception on your self and life can be improved - change the story you tell about yourself to yourself and to others. It will work in all facets. Thanks Jehan for your courage in writing this book to shed light on what depression feels like, and to show that suicide becomes a way to escape the unbearable pain for someone who is experiencing ongoing and or acute mental distress. 5 stars because everyone should read this book.

[Alina Siegfried · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book so much! Jehan's honest and vulnerable style of memoir storytelling draws you into his dark world, which was hidden away for so long - as it is for so many people suffering from depression. As a fellow storyteller and narrative strategist, I really appreciated how grounded in real and raw stories this book was. Jehan walks the talk on rewriting the story, chapter by chapter.

This book is a much needed and fresh new angle how we might better address mental illness - both individually and collectively as a society.

[Angeline Low · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book showcases depression in all its ugliness and senselessness. This book will touch a nerve not just with all the Jehan Casinaders out there who are struggling with depression, but also to all the Tommy Livingstons out there who are holding the torch in the darkness.

“Even if you’re exhausted. Even if you feel like there is nothing left to live for. If your heart still beats and your lungs still take in air, then you’re alive - and we want you here. Your suffering cannot kill you - as long as you don’t kill yourself.”

[JeanG · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent perspective on depression, life and its intricasies.
There are quite a few people close to me who experience and have experienced depression. I found the stories told by Jehan about the struggles of others and his own life’s journey helped me greatly to understand this insidious affliction. A great read, not just for those suffering, but also for those supporting others on their journeys.

[Abigail McAlear · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am a sucker for a good story, and this book was full of them! A very interesting perspective on how you aren’t just able to author your future, but you can rewrite (or rather reframe) the past as well. This was a beautifully told story of humanity & not just finding, but building hope.

And a special shout out to ‘Hip Op-eration’ the 90 something year olds hip hop dance crew that I never knew I wanted to know about, but has now become one of the greatest things I’ve ever heard.

[Amy :) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Succinct and human perspective on mental health. Casinader's chops as a journalist really shine and makes for a standout and brave book. Engaging and really delicately handled, would recommend in a heartbeat.


Read this within 24 hours, only a 4 stars because I would have loved for the book to be longer and a little more in depth. Big believer stories can heal and teach us lessons, a premise explored throughout the book. Love the reflective elements of this book too!! So much to praise here.

[Jax]

If I could give this book 10 stars I would, I've read many books about depression and getting a handle on mental Illness but none have been as enlightening and easy to read as this one. I could have read it cover to cover in 24 hours but decided to read one chapter a day so I could think about and digest what jehan had written. I truly believe this book will change lives for the better.

[Amelia · Rating 5 out of 5]

After hearing Jehan speak at a seminar a couple of months ago, I was inspired to grab this book out of the library.
Not disappointed.
Glad to hear that Jehan is finding himself and that he's found a way to push through.
Worth a read for everyone who has struggled with mental wellness at any point, its a different perspective on how to battle your way out of the darkness.

Thank you Jehan.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I heard Jehan Casinader speak at a conference recently and as a fan of his journalism thought I would give this book a go. While it is written to help people suffering from depression rewrite their personal stories as a way of finding new neural pathways, but it is a fantastic read for anyone, whether you have experienced depression or know of someone with depression or not.
.

[Nell Mooney · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is raw and inspiring. Depression affects a massive diverse range of people so diverse approaches to living with mental illness are required. The additional approach outlined in this book can also be used in other ways, such as career development, goal setting etc. I’ll use this in my work with clients and share it with friends and family who might benefit too.

[Helen Cummings · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this book was a great little read having admired Jehan’s work it was interesting to read his story and I enjoyed his accounts of the Kiwis he met through his work. We all have stories to tell and I admired him for sharing his.

[Kerry · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great read for anyone who is struggling with mental health issues or who has family or friends who are. A great new take on depression and his journey to reframe it for himself. Easy to read, enjoyable story from a great journalist with an easy to read writing style.

[Louise · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was easy to read with a nice flow. I found the story telling about nz figures interesting. Each chapter seemed to reiterate the points by example.
I'm not sure I took too much away from it though. It seemed more of an experiential read.

[Meghan Templeton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written book with really powerful stories! He writes very honestly and talks about some very vulnerable moments that people often avoid talking about. I would recommend this to everyone to read!!