What do you think?
Rate this book
Gracia y coraje: En la vida y en la muerte de Treya Killam Wilber
Es esta una obra sobre la “filosofía perenne” y la psicología transpersonal, escrita por una mujer excepcional y por su esposo, uno de los más lúcidos pensadores de nuestro tiempo, pero no es sólo eso. Es un libro para apoyar y alentar a quienes padecen una enfermedad terminal y sus acompañantes, pero es mucho más aún. Es una conmovedora historia de amor y una viva fuente de inspiración para quienes se encuentran recorriendo un camino espiritual o se hallan en busca de sí mismos; un testimonio de como la trascendencia se hace real y encarna día a día en unas personas de este mundo, de este tiempo, llenando de sentido sus vidas; y una llamada a la esperanza ante el desafío de la vida y de la muerte. En 1983, Ken Wilber conoció a Treya (Terry Killam), e inmediatamente se produjo entre ellos un “reconocimiento” mutuo. Tras un breve noviazgo contrajeron matrimonio, pero su felicidad pronto se vio truncada cuando a Treya se le diagnosticó un cáncer. Su luna de miel discurrió en un hospital, iniciándose así el atribulado periplo de cinco años que la pareja viviría hasta la muerte de tan excepcional mujer. En GRACIA Y CORAJE el vibrante diario de Treya se va entrelazando con las profundas reflexiones de Ken, dando lugar a un relato vivamente humano que transmite el impacto que esta experiencia supuso en la vida de la pareja y que les llevó al cuestionamiento de sus convicciones espirituales ante la realidad de la enfermedad y la muerte. Es esta una obra inapreciable de espiritualidad “real”, que pone en tela de juicio la visión de la “Nueva Era”, que presenta los aspectos esenciales de las grandes tradiciones de sabiduría del mundo entero, y que invita a la sanación, a la totalidad y a la armonía, y a la aceptación del sufrimiento y a la entrega final. “Una profunda e impactante visión de la vida, el amor, la muerte y la resurrección”. Dr. M. Scott Peck, autor de La nueva psicología del amor. “El relato de una auténtica experiencia de amor sagrado”. Joan Borysenko, Dra. en Filosofía y escritora. “He aquí la tarea para la que Treya nació, a la cual consagró su vida y que compartió con su sanación interior”. Stephen Levine, autor de ¿QUIEN MUERE? KEN WILBER es uno de los principales investigadores teóricos de la psicología transpersonal. Está considerado una autoridad mundial en el estudio de la conciencia, habiendo realizado una inapreciable síntesis de las disciplinas de la moderna psicología, las corrientes filosóficas y las grandes tradiciones espirituales del mundo entero (la “filosofía perenne”). Entre sus obras cabe EL ESPECTRO DE LA CONCIENCIA, LA CONCIENCIA SIN FRONTERAS, UN DIOS SOCIABLE, PSICOLOGÍA INTEGRAL y EL PROYECTO ATMAN.
480 pages, Paperback
First published October 15, 1991
195 people are currently reading
1982 people want to read
About the author
Ken Wilber
225 books1,240 followersKenneth Earl Wilber II is an American philosopher and writer on transpersonal psychology and his own integral theory, a systematic philosophy which suggests the synthesis of all human knowledge and experience.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 176 reviews
July 17, 2010
Recommended by a good friend I love and respect, a psychologist by profession and warm and sensitive spirit by nature, when she heard my brother was battling pancreatic cancer.
It took me a long time -- 3 years, actually -- to get to this book. I have to admit, the reason was that I was afraid to read it. My friend lent me her copy during the months when my brother was being treated for cancer, and I didn't know if I would be able to handle reading about someone who lost her own battle. I finally picked it up this year, and as fate would have it, my mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer while I was reading it. So much for avoiding reading it during a trying time in my life...
As it turns out, though, my fears were pretty well unfounded. As my friend had said herself, Grace and Grit was a very uplifting story of someone who was transformed over the course of her 5-year battle with recurring cancer, who reached a new level of understanding and peace in her life and served as an inspiration to all who knew her as well as to many who have read her story since.
The story is that of Treya Killam Wilber and her husband Ken Wilber, who meet and fall instantly in love, are married within months, and just weeks later are hit with the devastating news that Treya has been afflicted with breast cancer. Their 5 years together are dominated by Treya's health -- episodes of remission and recurrence, a wild array of treatments and approaches, the cancer's increasing aggressivity -- and their struggle as a couple as their love grows but their relationship is tested by the slings and arrows of their outrageous fortune. The book is also an examination of their spiritual progression, and much space is given over to explanations of spiritual seeking and practices from Ken Wilber, a well-known expert in the field of what most people would characterize as new-age-type spiritualty,
As a result, I would say that reading this is not for the faint of heart. Not, as you might expect, because of Treya's illness and treatment, but rather because of the spirituality/philosophy discussions, which are weighty, academic, and arcane, and far beyond most people's level of engagement with such things. I often found myself wishing I could excise away most of that discussion, and give much more time over to Treya's story. One of the nice parts of the book is that Ken includes excerpts from Treya's journals, and I would have enjoyed hearing even more of her voice. To be honest, Ken himself sometimes comes off in the book as someone who rather likes to hear himself speak -- although he does deserve much recognition for being stoically honest in owning up to some of his own failings as Treya's partner and caregiver, and he does not dress up his own mistakes.
The best and most interesting parts of the book were those that had to do with Treya. I have my own struggles with (against?) traditional religion, and I don't think that simply switching allegiances to other, more exotic or alternative spiritual paths is a solution to the problem. Having said that, since I didn't actually skip any part of the book, the spirituality parts did spark a few intriguing questions even for me, but it was not what I came to the book to get. Treya's journey, on the other hand, not only kept my interest engaged, but also, as a person with two close relatives affected by cancer, and conscious of the distinct possibility that I may one day face it myself, reading about Treya's experience opened new perspectives in my understanding of what my family members were/are experiencing, and encouraged me to contemplate many new questions regarding how I might want to go through such a situation myself. For example, when Treya gets her first diagnosis of cancer, she captures in her journal her feelings of untethered isolation and bewilderment at the future, writing simply:
Not having read any of Ken Wilber's 800,000 other books, I only have this one to judge his skill as a writer, but on the basis of this one, I'd have to say his ideas are a bit ahead of his writing skills, to put it mildly. The first and most important complaint I have about the writing itself is that I finished the book really feeling that Ken failed to show, rather than tell, his readers about the kind of person Treya was. Again and again, Ken remarks on how wonderful she was, how everybody not only loved her but was inspired, moved, transformed by her. However, he rarely if ever gives examples of this, and as such, it's really hard just to accept what he says at face value. I mean, I'm sure she was a nice person and all, but isn't everyone who is close to someone going to say, oh, she was such a wonderful person? Just telling me over and over again doesn't convince me that she was any more extraordinary than any other nice human being on the earth. If you really want to convince me, help me feel what was special about her. As my high school composition teacher taught us, use examples to make your point, illustrate with details.
Secondly, for all his new-age/advanced/evolved thinking, Ken comes off as a fair bit of a sexist. Of course, I'm sure he would say all the right things about women's rights and gender roles, etc., etc. But at the same time, throughout the book women -- but not men -- are always introduced with some comment about their good looks. It really felt like no woman who entered the narrative was described without reference to her physical beauty. And despite the obvious deep-soul connection Ken has with Treya, most descriptions of why he loves her or why he was attracted to her begin first with a comment about how beautiful she was. I found it really condescending and trivializing toward women. If he did the same thing with men, it would sound ridiculous -- it would sound as ridiculous as it is. Take this description of one woman, for example: "She was tall, statuesque, good-looking, with black hair, red lipstick, a red dress, and black high heels." Multiply that by a factor of about, oh, thirty, to cover virtually every new woman who comes into the story. Now imagine he said of a man they had just met: "He was tall, magnificent, handsome, with sandy hair, shiny white teeth, a blue suit, and black wingtips." Now multiply that by a factor of 30 and you'll get an idea of how silly and annoying it is to have to deal with that type of description of practically every woman in the book. Pretty basic stuff, Ken. Time to read up on a little feminism. To be fair, I do think this is largely unconscious on his part, but that still doesn't make it right.
Leaving aside the writing style, if you are a follower of Ken Wilber and/or the type of spirituality he focuses on, I'm sure you'll find much to love here. If you're not, there is still a lot to learn from in the book in terms of living with cancer. For example, the best explanation of chemotherapy I have ever come across can be found on page 132:
Finally, two more quotes that spoke to me:
(1) "Ken likes to say that the work we do on ourselves, whether it's psychological or spiritual, is not meant to get rid of the waves in the ocean of life but for us to learn how to surf." (p. 378) This was a nice way of putting an idea that is partially captured by sayings like "Don't sweat the small stuff" and "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." To me, the goal of life is contentment, and equanimity, and it would seem that a sure path to a discontented, dissatisfied life is to spend your days trying to stop the waves.
(2) "To forgive others for insults, real or imagined, is to weaken the boundary between self and other, to dissolve the sense of separation between subject and object." (p. 158). When I read this, I thought not so much of forgiveness, but of my field, grassroots rights work and community organizing. Real help for oppressed people comes from a compassion that is rooted in solidarity -- I am not helping you with your struggles; rather, your struggle is my struggle. It reminds me of the quote, well-known among activists, from Lila Watson, member of an Aboriginal women's rights group: "If you have come here to help me, you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together." Real help comes from dissolving the separation between us and them, betwen subject and object. Without this solidarity, what you have is not compassion; it is patronizing, it is paternalism.
It took me a long time -- 3 years, actually -- to get to this book. I have to admit, the reason was that I was afraid to read it. My friend lent me her copy during the months when my brother was being treated for cancer, and I didn't know if I would be able to handle reading about someone who lost her own battle. I finally picked it up this year, and as fate would have it, my mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer while I was reading it. So much for avoiding reading it during a trying time in my life...
As it turns out, though, my fears were pretty well unfounded. As my friend had said herself, Grace and Grit was a very uplifting story of someone who was transformed over the course of her 5-year battle with recurring cancer, who reached a new level of understanding and peace in her life and served as an inspiration to all who knew her as well as to many who have read her story since.
The story is that of Treya Killam Wilber and her husband Ken Wilber, who meet and fall instantly in love, are married within months, and just weeks later are hit with the devastating news that Treya has been afflicted with breast cancer. Their 5 years together are dominated by Treya's health -- episodes of remission and recurrence, a wild array of treatments and approaches, the cancer's increasing aggressivity -- and their struggle as a couple as their love grows but their relationship is tested by the slings and arrows of their outrageous fortune. The book is also an examination of their spiritual progression, and much space is given over to explanations of spiritual seeking and practices from Ken Wilber, a well-known expert in the field of what most people would characterize as new-age-type spiritualty,
As a result, I would say that reading this is not for the faint of heart. Not, as you might expect, because of Treya's illness and treatment, but rather because of the spirituality/philosophy discussions, which are weighty, academic, and arcane, and far beyond most people's level of engagement with such things. I often found myself wishing I could excise away most of that discussion, and give much more time over to Treya's story. One of the nice parts of the book is that Ken includes excerpts from Treya's journals, and I would have enjoyed hearing even more of her voice. To be honest, Ken himself sometimes comes off in the book as someone who rather likes to hear himself speak -- although he does deserve much recognition for being stoically honest in owning up to some of his own failings as Treya's partner and caregiver, and he does not dress up his own mistakes.
The best and most interesting parts of the book were those that had to do with Treya. I have my own struggles with (against?) traditional religion, and I don't think that simply switching allegiances to other, more exotic or alternative spiritual paths is a solution to the problem. Having said that, since I didn't actually skip any part of the book, the spirituality parts did spark a few intriguing questions even for me, but it was not what I came to the book to get. Treya's journey, on the other hand, not only kept my interest engaged, but also, as a person with two close relatives affected by cancer, and conscious of the distinct possibility that I may one day face it myself, reading about Treya's experience opened new perspectives in my understanding of what my family members were/are experiencing, and encouraged me to contemplate many new questions regarding how I might want to go through such a situation myself. For example, when Treya gets her first diagnosis of cancer, she captures in her journal her feelings of untethered isolation and bewilderment at the future, writing simply:
"Should I prepare to live? Or should I prepare to die? I do not know. No one can tell me. They can give me figures, but no one can tell me." (p. 39)Also, she often returns to the theme of the myriad meanings that we give to illness, and how we often subconsciously blame the patient for his or her own disease, even when that patient is ourselves. One lesson I hope to remember from Treya's story is this:
"Pain is not punishment, death is not a failure, life is not a reward." (p. 279)
Not having read any of Ken Wilber's 800,000 other books, I only have this one to judge his skill as a writer, but on the basis of this one, I'd have to say his ideas are a bit ahead of his writing skills, to put it mildly. The first and most important complaint I have about the writing itself is that I finished the book really feeling that Ken failed to show, rather than tell, his readers about the kind of person Treya was. Again and again, Ken remarks on how wonderful she was, how everybody not only loved her but was inspired, moved, transformed by her. However, he rarely if ever gives examples of this, and as such, it's really hard just to accept what he says at face value. I mean, I'm sure she was a nice person and all, but isn't everyone who is close to someone going to say, oh, she was such a wonderful person? Just telling me over and over again doesn't convince me that she was any more extraordinary than any other nice human being on the earth. If you really want to convince me, help me feel what was special about her. As my high school composition teacher taught us, use examples to make your point, illustrate with details.
Secondly, for all his new-age/advanced/evolved thinking, Ken comes off as a fair bit of a sexist. Of course, I'm sure he would say all the right things about women's rights and gender roles, etc., etc. But at the same time, throughout the book women -- but not men -- are always introduced with some comment about their good looks. It really felt like no woman who entered the narrative was described without reference to her physical beauty. And despite the obvious deep-soul connection Ken has with Treya, most descriptions of why he loves her or why he was attracted to her begin first with a comment about how beautiful she was. I found it really condescending and trivializing toward women. If he did the same thing with men, it would sound ridiculous -- it would sound as ridiculous as it is. Take this description of one woman, for example: "She was tall, statuesque, good-looking, with black hair, red lipstick, a red dress, and black high heels." Multiply that by a factor of about, oh, thirty, to cover virtually every new woman who comes into the story. Now imagine he said of a man they had just met: "He was tall, magnificent, handsome, with sandy hair, shiny white teeth, a blue suit, and black wingtips." Now multiply that by a factor of 30 and you'll get an idea of how silly and annoying it is to have to deal with that type of description of practically every woman in the book. Pretty basic stuff, Ken. Time to read up on a little feminism. To be fair, I do think this is largely unconscious on his part, but that still doesn't make it right.
Leaving aside the writing style, if you are a follower of Ken Wilber and/or the type of spirituality he focuses on, I'm sure you'll find much to love here. If you're not, there is still a lot to learn from in the book in terms of living with cancer. For example, the best explanation of chemotherapy I have ever come across can be found on page 132:
"Aside from surgery, the main forms of Western medicine's attack on cancer -- chemotherapy and radiation -- are based on a single principle: cancer cells are extremely fast-growing. They divide much more rapidly than any of the body's normal cells. Therefore, if you administer an agent to the body that kills cells when they divide, then you will kill some normal cells but many more cancer cells. That is what both radiation and chemotherapy do. Of course the normal cells in the body that grow more rapidly than others -- such as hair, stomach lining, and mouth tissue -- will also be killed more rapidly, hence accounting for frequent hair loss, stomach nausea, and so on. But the overall idea is simple: Since cancer cells grow twice as fast as normal cells, then at the end of a successful course of chemotherapy, the tumor is totally dead and the patient is only half-dead." [emphasis in original:]Also, even though at 20 years out, the book is quite dated, you can still get a good feel for some alternative cancer treatments, as well as the difference between approaches to cancer treatment between cultures, especially with respect to the treatment Treya undergoes in Germany. For example, this description of conversations with Treya's doctor in Germany when asked about particular treatments used in the US:
" 'We don't do it because the quality of life is so much lower. You must never forget,' he said, 'around the tumor is a human being.' [. . . :] We asked him about another treatment that was popular in the States. 'No, we don't do that.' 'Why?' 'Because,' he said directly, 'it poisons the soul.' Here was the man famous for the most aggressive chemotherapy in the world, but there were things he simply would not do because they damaged the soul." (p. 288)
Finally, two more quotes that spoke to me:
(1) "Ken likes to say that the work we do on ourselves, whether it's psychological or spiritual, is not meant to get rid of the waves in the ocean of life but for us to learn how to surf." (p. 378) This was a nice way of putting an idea that is partially captured by sayings like "Don't sweat the small stuff" and "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." To me, the goal of life is contentment, and equanimity, and it would seem that a sure path to a discontented, dissatisfied life is to spend your days trying to stop the waves.
(2) "To forgive others for insults, real or imagined, is to weaken the boundary between self and other, to dissolve the sense of separation between subject and object." (p. 158). When I read this, I thought not so much of forgiveness, but of my field, grassroots rights work and community organizing. Real help for oppressed people comes from a compassion that is rooted in solidarity -- I am not helping you with your struggles; rather, your struggle is my struggle. It reminds me of the quote, well-known among activists, from Lila Watson, member of an Aboriginal women's rights group: "If you have come here to help me, you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together." Real help comes from dissolving the separation between us and them, betwen subject and object. Without this solidarity, what you have is not compassion; it is patronizing, it is paternalism.
February 18, 2009
My dear cousin lent me her copy of this book a few months back and at the time told me it was one of her all-time favorite books -- now after completing it myself -- I completely understand why.
This has to be one of the most emotionally touching and spiritually rewarding books I have ever read. As well as one of the most sincere and amazing love stories I could ever imagine.
It offers such personal insight into the dying process - but even more so into how that process can change ones perspective on how to truly live.
Absolutely beautiful.
It definitely has left me with a new appreciation for the love I have in my life and for our capacity to change. Our capacity to grow. To improve. To help. And to love.
The understanding that we are here for a higher purpose.
Like my cousin - it has found its way onto my all-time favorite list.
Beautiful.
This has to be one of the most emotionally touching and spiritually rewarding books I have ever read. As well as one of the most sincere and amazing love stories I could ever imagine.
It offers such personal insight into the dying process - but even more so into how that process can change ones perspective on how to truly live.
Absolutely beautiful.
It definitely has left me with a new appreciation for the love I have in my life and for our capacity to change. Our capacity to grow. To improve. To help. And to love.
The understanding that we are here for a higher purpose.
Like my cousin - it has found its way onto my all-time favorite list.
Beautiful.
September 28, 2007
written 7/7/04 after the death of my son isaak:
i just returned from warm sun rays in the back yard and a finished book that left me in tears. an old love sent this book to me, and the more i read it, the more reasoning for its arrival comes clear.
i can`t fully explain the emotion that sits upon my chest at the moment. but i can share a few passages that may make its way through.
from the book titled `grace and grit,' written by both ken wilber and his lost love treya.
these were her last moments here. on this planet...
`Her entire countenance lit up. She glowed. And right in front of my eyes her body began to change. Within one hour, it looked to me as if she lost ten pounds. It was as if her body, acquiescing to her will, began to shrink and draw in on itself.`
`The noble Goethe had a beautiful line: "all things ripe want to die."`
and it was this that boiled over in the form of tears. i held my son isaak as he passed. and this was the case, truly, of my experience with him. his lasts breaths were smile full. he was lit up knowing he was ok. knowing his time was granted and safely said good bye because he was surrounded by love. and his goodbye was not a forever departure, but that of time simply in between.
i was scared, i was angry, and sad like you could never imagine. but it`s these moments that its reality becomes more and more clear. more ok to bare. more ok to live fully, and yes, without him.
this life has been a curioous one. for sure.
i send love to him. through this, through me. forever...
and ever.
i just returned from warm sun rays in the back yard and a finished book that left me in tears. an old love sent this book to me, and the more i read it, the more reasoning for its arrival comes clear.
i can`t fully explain the emotion that sits upon my chest at the moment. but i can share a few passages that may make its way through.
from the book titled `grace and grit,' written by both ken wilber and his lost love treya.
these were her last moments here. on this planet...
`Her entire countenance lit up. She glowed. And right in front of my eyes her body began to change. Within one hour, it looked to me as if she lost ten pounds. It was as if her body, acquiescing to her will, began to shrink and draw in on itself.`
`The noble Goethe had a beautiful line: "all things ripe want to die."`
and it was this that boiled over in the form of tears. i held my son isaak as he passed. and this was the case, truly, of my experience with him. his lasts breaths were smile full. he was lit up knowing he was ok. knowing his time was granted and safely said good bye because he was surrounded by love. and his goodbye was not a forever departure, but that of time simply in between.
i was scared, i was angry, and sad like you could never imagine. but it`s these moments that its reality becomes more and more clear. more ok to bare. more ok to live fully, and yes, without him.
this life has been a curioous one. for sure.
i send love to him. through this, through me. forever...
and ever.
October 15, 2008
I gave up on this one. Although parts of this book really appealed to me (I especially enjoyed the reflections on eastern and western philosophy and religion) I couldn't stand Ken Wilber's self-importance. For a book about spirituality and healing he seemed rather full of himself. Also, I was floored that he didn't dedicate at least more than one paragraph to when he hit/beat Treya. Not saying he needed to dwell on it or dedicate a chapter to it, but for being such an unsettling moment, he could have allowed some reflection on how that moment my have impacted Treya, himself or their relationship.
August 30, 2012
It is right there in the title, you know it is coming, Treya's death. You are pretty sure you will be ready for it, but it hits you like a typhoon, and you can not even stand for a long while after you read it. You know if it was a real typhoon, you would have drowned. SO yeah, this is an intense book, a very meaningful, intense book.
And before I sing it's praises, I must say I recommend this to anyone with a chronic illness or those caring for someone who has one. If this describes you: MAKE THE TIME TO READ THIS.
And if you are at all curious about confronting the fears you might have towards death: READ THIS BOOK.
In one of the late chapters of this, they (even though this is credited to just Ken Wilber, it is written by both he and his late wife Treya, and at times it is hard to tell whose voice is speaking) relate to meditation as practicing for death. I can not argue that in the slightest. And this whole book is both a love story between two people who obviously love each other more than the characters do in all the romantic comedies you have ever read/seen combined, but it is also practicing for dying. And this is really something to read. Something you clearly do not see much, if any, of in other books.
Imagine 10 days after marring the man of your dreams, starting chemo for the breast cancer they discovered. This is Treya's story. Rather than sunning herself in Hawaii she has her breast removed and begins a rigorous round of chemo. That seems a pretty remarkable story in and of itself, but she uses "cancer as a prompt to 'change those things in your life that need changing.'" And this is where the real story of healing and growth comes from.
As you can tell from the title, here healing is not the same as being cured. She never fully expels the cancer from her body, and it finally consumes her, but... she makes it extremely clear that cancer did incredible things for her, helped her grow and become a more fully realized person. A complete person.
And for anyone that may say her healing was incomplete, she confronts that very well: "I sometimes feel that those around me will judge my success or failure depending on how long I live, rather than on how I live. Of course I want to live a long time, but if it's short, I don't want to be judged a failure." And she certainly was not a failure, in her five year battle she begins to practice something she calls passionate equanimity: "to be fully passionate about all aspects of life, about one's relationship with spirit, to care to the depths of one's being but with no trace of clinging or holding, that's what the phrase has come to mean to me. It feels full, rounded, complete, and challenging."
And while you read about her embracing the joy all around her, even as tumors are causing her to go blind and when she can no longer walk up the stairs or even stand, you know there is something remarkable about this healing. It may not have been perfect for her body, but it sure was for her mental and emotional health.
As I said before, this was an incredibly hard book to get though. The passages about the chemo forced me to walk away quite a few times. But by the end of the book, while I was sobbing at the pitch of a flash flood, I was far more able to read and be present with her death, as I took away some lessons about passionate equanimity from her. It is a horribly sad story, but she and Ken embrace it with such joy, even the darkest hours.
I would love to be doing this better, and I think I may be just a bit too close to this illness to, so just read it instead.
And before I sing it's praises, I must say I recommend this to anyone with a chronic illness or those caring for someone who has one. If this describes you: MAKE THE TIME TO READ THIS.
And if you are at all curious about confronting the fears you might have towards death: READ THIS BOOK.
In one of the late chapters of this, they (even though this is credited to just Ken Wilber, it is written by both he and his late wife Treya, and at times it is hard to tell whose voice is speaking) relate to meditation as practicing for death. I can not argue that in the slightest. And this whole book is both a love story between two people who obviously love each other more than the characters do in all the romantic comedies you have ever read/seen combined, but it is also practicing for dying. And this is really something to read. Something you clearly do not see much, if any, of in other books.
Imagine 10 days after marring the man of your dreams, starting chemo for the breast cancer they discovered. This is Treya's story. Rather than sunning herself in Hawaii she has her breast removed and begins a rigorous round of chemo. That seems a pretty remarkable story in and of itself, but she uses "cancer as a prompt to 'change those things in your life that need changing.'" And this is where the real story of healing and growth comes from.
As you can tell from the title, here healing is not the same as being cured. She never fully expels the cancer from her body, and it finally consumes her, but... she makes it extremely clear that cancer did incredible things for her, helped her grow and become a more fully realized person. A complete person.
And for anyone that may say her healing was incomplete, she confronts that very well: "I sometimes feel that those around me will judge my success or failure depending on how long I live, rather than on how I live. Of course I want to live a long time, but if it's short, I don't want to be judged a failure." And she certainly was not a failure, in her five year battle she begins to practice something she calls passionate equanimity: "to be fully passionate about all aspects of life, about one's relationship with spirit, to care to the depths of one's being but with no trace of clinging or holding, that's what the phrase has come to mean to me. It feels full, rounded, complete, and challenging."
And while you read about her embracing the joy all around her, even as tumors are causing her to go blind and when she can no longer walk up the stairs or even stand, you know there is something remarkable about this healing. It may not have been perfect for her body, but it sure was for her mental and emotional health.
As I said before, this was an incredibly hard book to get though. The passages about the chemo forced me to walk away quite a few times. But by the end of the book, while I was sobbing at the pitch of a flash flood, I was far more able to read and be present with her death, as I took away some lessons about passionate equanimity from her. It is a horribly sad story, but she and Ken embrace it with such joy, even the darkest hours.
I would love to be doing this better, and I think I may be just a bit too close to this illness to, so just read it instead.
April 15, 2010
I'm reading this book for class. It's not my favorite book. I want to like it, for I think it should have something somewhat profound to say about death, dying and the "mystical" experience. But Wilber comes off as being highly impressed by his own ideas... and, from my perspective at least, he seems to misunderstand some of the teachings he's trying to interpret. Or, at least, he picks and chooses the interpretations he likes and manipulates other info so that it fits into his own ideas.
Basically, I personally find the beauty of the descriptions of mystical experiences to be most intense when they're least pretentious. Hence my fascination with Chinese Taoism, Cha'an and Japanese Zen. Highly unpretentious practices/philosophies. Ken and Treya on the hand are highly pretentious. And for a couple of people who are determined to see past the ego, they sure seem to enjoy basking in their own. Everything is "I", "I", "I" and "me", "me", "me". I also find it somewhat humorous that Ken never seems to pass up an opportunity to include a statement from someone calling things like a "genius" or a "man of astounding intellectual breadth", yada, yada, yada, etc.
What I do like about the book is that the love story between Ken and Treya at times is highly touching. Also, the story of Treya's bout with cancer is also touching and heart breaking.
In short, the actual narrative is fairly engaging. It's all the half-baked new-age philosophizing that rubs me the wrong way.
Basically, I personally find the beauty of the descriptions of mystical experiences to be most intense when they're least pretentious. Hence my fascination with Chinese Taoism, Cha'an and Japanese Zen. Highly unpretentious practices/philosophies. Ken and Treya on the hand are highly pretentious. And for a couple of people who are determined to see past the ego, they sure seem to enjoy basking in their own. Everything is "I", "I", "I" and "me", "me", "me". I also find it somewhat humorous that Ken never seems to pass up an opportunity to include a statement from someone calling things like a "genius" or a "man of astounding intellectual breadth", yada, yada, yada, etc.
What I do like about the book is that the love story between Ken and Treya at times is highly touching. Also, the story of Treya's bout with cancer is also touching and heart breaking.
In short, the actual narrative is fairly engaging. It's all the half-baked new-age philosophizing that rubs me the wrong way.
January 30, 2022
felt like i knew Treya through the reading of this book, and am better off for that.
April 22, 2018
Reading this book took a long time and some effort. Was it worth it in the end? Yes. However, I wish the book was more focused on Treya's life and death than being interrupted in a few chapters by Ken Wilbur's "technical information", as he puts it. That information seemed better suited for another book by itself. So I skipped those sections for the most part as the author himself suggested people could do without missing a thing.
I became exhausted by reading the extensive measures that Treya took to beat her cancer. I don't know how one can endure so many treatments. My own biases for simplicity arose but who am I to judge another's path? I did want to quote Treya from page 343: "My main advice is always to beware being knocked off center by what doctors say (they can be terribly convincing about what they do and terribly closed-minded about non-traditional approaches), to take the quiet time to be clear about what you want and what you are intuitively drawn to, and to make a choice you feel is yours, a choice you can stand by no matter what the outcome. If I die, I have to know it is by my own choices."
I looked up a video of her speaking shortly before she passed away. She said, "Because I can no longer ignore death, I pay more attention to life." I think if readers and myself grasp that line and live it, the arduous dedication to finishing this book is worth it.
By the way, my reviews are usually much shorter. This book and this review took more time than I typically spend in reading and reviewing. Perhaps that says something in and of itself.
I became exhausted by reading the extensive measures that Treya took to beat her cancer. I don't know how one can endure so many treatments. My own biases for simplicity arose but who am I to judge another's path? I did want to quote Treya from page 343: "My main advice is always to beware being knocked off center by what doctors say (they can be terribly convincing about what they do and terribly closed-minded about non-traditional approaches), to take the quiet time to be clear about what you want and what you are intuitively drawn to, and to make a choice you feel is yours, a choice you can stand by no matter what the outcome. If I die, I have to know it is by my own choices."
I looked up a video of her speaking shortly before she passed away. She said, "Because I can no longer ignore death, I pay more attention to life." I think if readers and myself grasp that line and live it, the arduous dedication to finishing this book is worth it.
By the way, my reviews are usually much shorter. This book and this review took more time than I typically spend in reading and reviewing. Perhaps that says something in and of itself.
April 14, 2024
I've never cried this much in my entire life, fuck you. And thanks. I needed it.
August 31, 2025
trudno mi było ją skończyć ale ogólnie bardzo bardzo piękna książka i warte przeczytania
Read
December 20, 2022美丽、活泼、聪慧的女子崔雅，三十六岁邂逅肯•威尔伯，彼此一见钟情，于是喜结良缘。然而，就在婚礼前夕，崔雅却发现患了乳癌，于是一份浪漫而美好的因缘，引发出了两人共同挑战病魔的故事。他们煎熬过五年时间，因肿瘤恶化，终而不治。在这五年的艰难岁月里，夫妻各有各的痛苦和恐惧，也各有各的付出；而相互的伤害、痛恨、怨怼，借由静修与修行在相互的超越中消融，并且升华到慈悲与智慧⋯⋯在这个过程中，病者的身体虽受尽折磨，而心却能自在、愉悦、充满生命力，甚至有余力慈悲地回馈，读来令人动容。
在这部死亡日记中，女主人公的叙述与男主人公的解说浑然交织为一体，宛如对话、交流、相互解读，使其内心体验成为真实的生命经验。http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/380...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/260...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/259...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/103...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/102...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/261...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/187...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/262...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/188...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/263...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/189...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/265...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/264...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/105...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/104...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/266...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/190...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/267...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/191...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/269...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/192...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/270...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/193...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/268...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/106...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/271...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/107...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/272...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/194...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/273...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/108...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/274...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/109...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/275...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/110...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/276...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/195...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/277...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/196...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/lis...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/279...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/111...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/280...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/112...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/281...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/113...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/114...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/282...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/115...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/283...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/197...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/393...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/392...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/391...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/284...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/116...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/285...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/117...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/286...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/118...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/394...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/288...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/291...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/119...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/292...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/120...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/293...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/121...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/294...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/122...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/295...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/123...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/296...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/124...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/297...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/125...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/298...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/126...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/299...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/127...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/300...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/198...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/301...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/128...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/302...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/129...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/303...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/130...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/304...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/131...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/305...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/132...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/395...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/306...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/133...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/307...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/308...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/134...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/309...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/310...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/135...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/311...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/136...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/312...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/137...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/313...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/138...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/314...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/139...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/315...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/316...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/140...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/318...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/317...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/199...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/396...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/319...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/320...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/141...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/321...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/200...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/322...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/201...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/323...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/142...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/324...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/143...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/325...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/145...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/329...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/202...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/328...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/326...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/146...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/327...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/147...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/331...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/203...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/330...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/148...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/333...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/332...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/149...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/334...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/150...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/336...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/152...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/335...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/151...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/337...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/338...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/153...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/340...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/155...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/341...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/339...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/154...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/342...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/156...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/343...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/158...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/157...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/345...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/204...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/344...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/159...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/347...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/346...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/160...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/348...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/161...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/349...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/162...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/350...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/163...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/354...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/353...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/205...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/351...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/164...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/352...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/165...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/356...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/355...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/206...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/357...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/207...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/358...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/208...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/360...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/211...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/209...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/361...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/210...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/359...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/166...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/363...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/168...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/362...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/167...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/364...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/397...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/169...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/365...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/170...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/366...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/368...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/367...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/172...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/171...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/369...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/173...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/174...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/370...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/175...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/371...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/176...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/372...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/177...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/376...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/178...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/375...
在这部死亡日记中，女主人公的叙述与男主人公的解说浑然交织为一体，宛如对话、交流、相互解读，使其内心体验成为真实的生命经验。http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/380...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/260...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/259...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/103...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/102...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/261...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/187...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/262...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/188...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/263...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/189...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/265...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/264...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/105...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/104...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/266...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/190...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/267...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/191...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/269...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/192...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/270...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/193...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/268...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/106...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/271...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/107...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/272...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/194...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/273...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/108...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/274...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/109...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/275...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/110...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/276...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/195...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/277...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/196...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/lis...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/279...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/111...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/280...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/112...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/281...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/113...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/114...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/282...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/115...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/283...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/197...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/393...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/392...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/391...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/284...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/116...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/285...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/117...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/286...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/118...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/394...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/288...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/291...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/119...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/292...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/120...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/293...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/121...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/294...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/122...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/295...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/123...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/296...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/124...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/297...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/125...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/298...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/126...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/299...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/127...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/300...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/198...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/301...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/128...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/302...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/129...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/303...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/130...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/304...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/131...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/305...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/132...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/395...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/306...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/133...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/307...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/308...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/134...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/309...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/310...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/135...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/311...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/136...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/312...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/137...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/313...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/138...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/314...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/139...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/315...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/316...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/140...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/318...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/317...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/199...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/396...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/319...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/320...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/141...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/321...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/200...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/322...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/201...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/323...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/142...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/324...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/143...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/325...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/145...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/329...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/202...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/328...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/326...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/146...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/327...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/147...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/331...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/203...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/330...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/148...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/333...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/332...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/149...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/334...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/150...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/336...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/152...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/335...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/151...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/337...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/338...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/153...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/340...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/155...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/341...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/339...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/154...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/342...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/156...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/343...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/158...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/157...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/345...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/204...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/344...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/159...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/347...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/346...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/160...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/348...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/161...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/349...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/162...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/350...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/163...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/354...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/353...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/205...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/351...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/164...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/352...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/165...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/356...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/355...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/206...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/357...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/207...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/358...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/208...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/360...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/211...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/209...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/361...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/210...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/359...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/166...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/363...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/168...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/362...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/167...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/364...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/397...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/169...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/365...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/170...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/366...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/368...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/367...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/172...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/171...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/369...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/173...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/174...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/370...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/175...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/371...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/176...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/372...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/177...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/376...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/178...
http://www.mnfwusa.com/news/index/375...
February 8, 2023
Must read for every human being.
August 16, 2017
Enough pain and suffering to make one desperate to become a Buddhist. Wilber writes with exquisite care and understanding.
March 13, 2024
I read this book not because of story of Treya and her fight with cancer, but to get to know Ken Wilber work a little bit, because I heard that in this book he mentions something about his work and ideas.
I have mixed feelings. As a person who is very scientific and oppose any "mysticism" and other mumbo-jumbo, I have to say that
1) I was suprised (in a good way), that Wilber differentiates mumbo-jumbo from maybe-not-mumbo-jumbo. For example his definition of esoteric and exoteric religions. That's a big "nice" from my side. But at the same time:
2) I am displeased by his free use of word "scientific". No, what you're doing is not scientific only because it's a "direct experience". You have to give in to the scientific method, and this you're not doing. Science is not only about direct experience, but also a few more things. Kids hitting each other with a stick and observing how they break are not scientific, while they have direct experience.
I like the idea of letting go of an ego, to grow to a "higher levels". But at the same time I think that Ken and people like him do not take into account that what they believe to be an enlightement might as well be just an illusion created by a mind, or neurochemical disorders in brain or things like depersonalization/derealization. In fact there is a research about mindfulness causing depersonalisation/derealization - healthy people experience it as something wrong and not nice feeling, while people who are seeking "enlightement" interpret those things as enlightement. Forgive me for being blunt, but it's like if someone would believe that having a diarrhea is "my body cleansing itself! finally!". Just please be a little bit critical and try to think that maybe, just maybe, what you call an enlightement and magical higher truth, reaching the level of Seer/Witness et cetera is not some great goal that everyone should achieve. Perhaps it's just reducing your self to nothingness, because there might be nothing behind both self and Self.
I am not saying that it's true, but a true scientist would take it into account, while Wilber seems to not considering it at all. It's only one reason why he is not a scientist while he calls himself one.
Not to mention that I felt that he is using Treya story to promote his own person and agenda. In a book about partner dying of cancer, and supposedly about her and his way through that hard time, he manages to include pages of his interviews and excerpts from his books - what for? I mean, I like those parts, but why they are put in this book?
He seems to have tendencies to exaggerate things a little bit also. For example when he said that Treya was fearless, and some pages later Treya herself is writing in a diary, that she was scared, sobbing et cetera. No, she was not fearless. And I think that her story with cancer is actually quite normal for people fighting with cancer. Nothing extraordinary. Fear, deny, trying to grasp to life, to show middle finger to the illness by living the life, and then dying - because she was exhausted, not because she was as Wilber put it "ripe", when he supposedly quotes Goethe "All ripe things want to die" (I can't google where Goethe said that).
When he wrote that she died with open mouths and then when he came back to the room, mouth was closed and smile appeared on her face, and according to him it could not be a "rigor mortis smile", then I rolled my eyes. Yes, the ultimate enlightement that she reached made her body smile after she died. Not rigor mortis. For sure.
Sorry for being such a negative person. Overall it was interesting book that expanded my knowledge about ideas of enlightement and what some people believe! What meditation can lead to et cetera. But some parts I couldn't help but criticize.
I have mixed feelings. As a person who is very scientific and oppose any "mysticism" and other mumbo-jumbo, I have to say that
1) I was suprised (in a good way), that Wilber differentiates mumbo-jumbo from maybe-not-mumbo-jumbo. For example his definition of esoteric and exoteric religions. That's a big "nice" from my side. But at the same time:
2) I am displeased by his free use of word "scientific". No, what you're doing is not scientific only because it's a "direct experience". You have to give in to the scientific method, and this you're not doing. Science is not only about direct experience, but also a few more things. Kids hitting each other with a stick and observing how they break are not scientific, while they have direct experience.
I like the idea of letting go of an ego, to grow to a "higher levels". But at the same time I think that Ken and people like him do not take into account that what they believe to be an enlightement might as well be just an illusion created by a mind, or neurochemical disorders in brain or things like depersonalization/derealization. In fact there is a research about mindfulness causing depersonalisation/derealization - healthy people experience it as something wrong and not nice feeling, while people who are seeking "enlightement" interpret those things as enlightement. Forgive me for being blunt, but it's like if someone would believe that having a diarrhea is "my body cleansing itself! finally!". Just please be a little bit critical and try to think that maybe, just maybe, what you call an enlightement and magical higher truth, reaching the level of Seer/Witness et cetera is not some great goal that everyone should achieve. Perhaps it's just reducing your self to nothingness, because there might be nothing behind both self and Self.
I am not saying that it's true, but a true scientist would take it into account, while Wilber seems to not considering it at all. It's only one reason why he is not a scientist while he calls himself one.
Not to mention that I felt that he is using Treya story to promote his own person and agenda. In a book about partner dying of cancer, and supposedly about her and his way through that hard time, he manages to include pages of his interviews and excerpts from his books - what for? I mean, I like those parts, but why they are put in this book?
He seems to have tendencies to exaggerate things a little bit also. For example when he said that Treya was fearless, and some pages later Treya herself is writing in a diary, that she was scared, sobbing et cetera. No, she was not fearless. And I think that her story with cancer is actually quite normal for people fighting with cancer. Nothing extraordinary. Fear, deny, trying to grasp to life, to show middle finger to the illness by living the life, and then dying - because she was exhausted, not because she was as Wilber put it "ripe", when he supposedly quotes Goethe "All ripe things want to die" (I can't google where Goethe said that).
When he wrote that she died with open mouths and then when he came back to the room, mouth was closed and smile appeared on her face, and according to him it could not be a "rigor mortis smile", then I rolled my eyes. Yes, the ultimate enlightement that she reached made her body smile after she died. Not rigor mortis. For sure.
Sorry for being such a negative person. Overall it was interesting book that expanded my knowledge about ideas of enlightement and what some people believe! What meditation can lead to et cetera. But some parts I couldn't help but criticize.
July 8, 2012
Was given this book to read by a friend for a curriculum we are devising. I finished it yesterday- or rather, I finished two-thirds of it yesterday. This is really two books: the compelling story of Ken and Treya Wilber, who discovered that she had stage 4 breast cancer 10 days after their wedding, and an academic-even arcane- discourse on the world's different contemplative/spiritual disciplines. In his introduction, Wilber confesses that "the MAIN PURPOSE of this book is to provide and introduction to just those topics."
Here's an example of this so-called introduction, chosen totally at random: "It's not a union, it's an indissociation. A union is two separate things brought together in a higher integration. In infantile fusion, there are not two things to begin with, just a global in differentiation. You cannot integrate that which is not first undifferentiated. Besides, even IF we say that this infantile state is a union of subject and object, let me repeat that the SUBJECT here is merely a SENSORIMOTOR subject undifferentiated from a sensorimotor world, it is NOT a total integrated subject of ALL levels united with ALL higher worlds. In other words, it isn't even a prototype of mystical union, it is rather the precise OPPOSITE of the mystical state. The infantile fusion state is the greatest point of alienation or separation from all of the higher levels and higher worlds whose total integration or union constitutes mysticism."
Not quite my thing. So why the three stars? Because the story he narrates-in between more than a hundred pages of the above- is truthful and inspiring. It's for sure not a feel-good book; he is brutally honest about the toll that Treya's cancer took on both of them and their relationship, and how two years into their five year journey they almost divorced. But the journey of growth and spirituality they took together is compelling. He alternates between his narration and long excerpts from Freya's journals, which are, to me, the heart of the book. Read Grace and Grit just to hear the voice of this extraordinary human being.
Here's an example of this so-called introduction, chosen totally at random: "It's not a union, it's an indissociation. A union is two separate things brought together in a higher integration. In infantile fusion, there are not two things to begin with, just a global in differentiation. You cannot integrate that which is not first undifferentiated. Besides, even IF we say that this infantile state is a union of subject and object, let me repeat that the SUBJECT here is merely a SENSORIMOTOR subject undifferentiated from a sensorimotor world, it is NOT a total integrated subject of ALL levels united with ALL higher worlds. In other words, it isn't even a prototype of mystical union, it is rather the precise OPPOSITE of the mystical state. The infantile fusion state is the greatest point of alienation or separation from all of the higher levels and higher worlds whose total integration or union constitutes mysticism."
Not quite my thing. So why the three stars? Because the story he narrates-in between more than a hundred pages of the above- is truthful and inspiring. It's for sure not a feel-good book; he is brutally honest about the toll that Treya's cancer took on both of them and their relationship, and how two years into their five year journey they almost divorced. But the journey of growth and spirituality they took together is compelling. He alternates between his narration and long excerpts from Freya's journals, which are, to me, the heart of the book. Read Grace and Grit just to hear the voice of this extraordinary human being.
June 5, 2017
If I could rate it 2.5 stars, I would.
This isn't a bad book but it's not great. Wilmer's lack of citations when making medical claims is alarming. There is also a lot of excess that adds nothing to the story of Treya's experience and seems to be little more than ego gratification for Wilber.
His racist framing of medical treatments (legitimate medicine is 'white man's' and 'Western') is also a cause for alarm. Not to mention the talk of detoxing (detoxing what? What toxins specifically?)
However, Treya's journals and letters are a raw and honest account of someone living with what eventually is an incurable disease. The reflections on what it means to live well, on how to work with strong emotions and not get swept up in the misconceptions around cancer, are wonderful and beneficial.
For Wilber's part, he does give an excellent teaching on tonglen practice and how it works.
The book also has a good assessment of the Way illness and sickness are treated in society, as well as how theorising over illness does nothing to help the person with that illness.
I wouldn't recommend this book, but if you do read it ensure your critical thinking skills are ready and alert. There's woo and, like I said, Wilber stating 'facts' without citing references, so it should be taken with a grain of salt.
This isn't a bad book but it's not great. Wilmer's lack of citations when making medical claims is alarming. There is also a lot of excess that adds nothing to the story of Treya's experience and seems to be little more than ego gratification for Wilber.
His racist framing of medical treatments (legitimate medicine is 'white man's' and 'Western') is also a cause for alarm. Not to mention the talk of detoxing (detoxing what? What toxins specifically?)
However, Treya's journals and letters are a raw and honest account of someone living with what eventually is an incurable disease. The reflections on what it means to live well, on how to work with strong emotions and not get swept up in the misconceptions around cancer, are wonderful and beneficial.
For Wilber's part, he does give an excellent teaching on tonglen practice and how it works.
The book also has a good assessment of the Way illness and sickness are treated in society, as well as how theorising over illness does nothing to help the person with that illness.
I wouldn't recommend this book, but if you do read it ensure your critical thinking skills are ready and alert. There's woo and, like I said, Wilber stating 'facts' without citing references, so it should be taken with a grain of salt.
August 4, 2022
Trigger warning necessary - not for Treya's difficult journey of cancer (which is a special and vulnerable world to be allowed into) but for the part where Ken Wilber literally BEATS HIS WIFE in the middle. He appears to be frustrated from his caring responsibilities and her taking up too much space in the house and, feeling fed up gets up from his desk and begins to hit Treya, and I quote "I hit her. Again. And again.... I kept striking her and she kept screaming" (page 155) and on it goes.
Afterwards there is approximately a paragraph detailing how it was 'a difficult time' and 'they both learnt things' with NO indication of long term reflection on this violence from Ken and never a word from Treya's perspective about this attack for as long as I could bring myself to continue reading this book. This feels specially shady as the book was published after her death, which certainly feels like there could have been some editing out of her thoughts to make it seem like less of a big deal - which also seems to have worked, as I have found absolutely nothing from searching about Ken's abusive behaviour, violence or abuse, excepting that he backed other spiritual teachers who had had significant accusations of abuse. But this is not an accusation, this is published in his book, in his own words. It just baffles me and has made me completely lose respect for him.
Afterwards there is approximately a paragraph detailing how it was 'a difficult time' and 'they both learnt things' with NO indication of long term reflection on this violence from Ken and never a word from Treya's perspective about this attack for as long as I could bring myself to continue reading this book. This feels specially shady as the book was published after her death, which certainly feels like there could have been some editing out of her thoughts to make it seem like less of a big deal - which also seems to have worked, as I have found absolutely nothing from searching about Ken's abusive behaviour, violence or abuse, excepting that he backed other spiritual teachers who had had significant accusations of abuse. But this is not an accusation, this is published in his book, in his own words. It just baffles me and has made me completely lose respect for him.
December 4, 2009
When Ken and Treya met it was love at first touch. They just hugged and hugged. A few months later they were married. 10 days after marrying they found out that Treya had breast cancer. This is the story of how they dealt with the cancer, the treatment and Treya's final days. It deals honestly with the pain and the overwhelming work that dealing with cancer can be both for the patient and the caregiver. Ken is a writer and philosopher and this is quite clearly reflected in the book while the two of them try to come to terms with cancer and try to understand why them and why now.
It is a story with deep sadness but the two of them have such a feeling of heartfelt joy in the world and in their lives that it seeps through. Yes sometimes the philosophising can be a bit much, and you would need to know something about Buddhism to get some of what's going on, but still it's an interesting variation on the theme. A book I could only read in small amounts at a time to fully understand what was going on.
It is a story with deep sadness but the two of them have such a feeling of heartfelt joy in the world and in their lives that it seeps through. Yes sometimes the philosophising can be a bit much, and you would need to know something about Buddhism to get some of what's going on, but still it's an interesting variation on the theme. A book I could only read in small amounts at a time to fully understand what was going on.
February 23, 2009
Honest and intimate journey encompassing living with and treating breast cancer told from both the patient's perspective, and her caregiver's perspective (said husband/caregiver being preeminent philosopher Ken Wilber), including the ride of their relationship through sickness and relative health, and their journey into healing approaches and spiritual practices. Excellent information on the world's spiritual traditions and practices. A love song to the Self, and an intimate glimpse into the heart of an exceptional woman and the heart of a devoted relationship.
Most importantly, this book cultivated a newfound sense of compassion in me - towards myself, and towards those dealing with disease - what more could we ask for?
Most importantly, this book cultivated a newfound sense of compassion in me - towards myself, and towards those dealing with disease - what more could we ask for?
May 2, 2013
I just reread this powerful book which I had first read around 2004... it is the heartbreaking yet inspiring story of writer Ken Wilber's marriage to Treya, a woman who was diagnosed with breast cancer just a few months into their marriage and who applied genuine spiritual teachings (especially of Buddhist and Christian mystics) to her struggles with the disease and her own lifelong struggle to balance "being" and "doing" (in other words, having the grace to accept what is happening in the present moment and the grit to continue growing, opening, sharing, healing herself and others. Wilber's writing is interspersed with Treya's personal journal entries and letters. It's wonderful, touching book on facing life and death with mindfulness and compassion.
January 10, 2018
Treya’s passages are the star of the show here, and her personal development really picks up towards the end. Didn’t really enjoy the beginning because Wilber talks about himself and his ideas a lot — it’s almost like he’s pushing out another of his own books plus a book about her. Eventually grew to somewhat enjoy his spiritual tangents in the requisite context of Treya’s development. Great for those interested in spiritual development and meditation as many other books and teachers are mentioned multiple times for the reader to explore thoroughly.
November 24, 2007
Life/Death
Real people, Ken and Treya,
fall deeply in love and they decide to marry.
At this point her terminal illness reveals itself.
The marriage plans are not cancelled.
Lives naturally come to their ends, but in the meantime, this couple lives...together, separately and as honestly as people can. It's their honesty which bumped me up to living more passionately. Treya trusted in the truth and allowing Ken room.
March 25, 2008
The story of Ken's true love, from that moment of first glimpse to the last seconds of her life. This book is the story of Wilber's wifes battle with terminal cancer, her strength, his too. His weaknesses are exposed and he examines them as she continues to fight the cancer. Wilber, I think learns what life is really all about (even though he has written about life/philosophy for years) and what it means to live and love now.
A must read.
A must read.
October 30, 2023
I re-read Grace & Grit as a part of my work on editing its new Russian edition. I usually translate Ken’s books, but this time I worked as an editor of a previously-done translation. This work allowed me to meditate on every page of this profound text. It’s been a pleasure full of joy and tears. The third edition includes a new foreword by the author. Thank you, Ken and Treya! So many people in Russia and around the world are being touched by the light of this book.
September 8, 2008
It is a beautiful lovestory about Ken and his wife Treya. It is also a fascinating story of how they grow and what they learn through Treyas five years of cancer until her death. I learned about spirituality and psychotherapy, about compassion and budhism, and about how to be a support-person to people who are ill.
March 25, 2008
Metaphyscics, cancer, love,death and the journey through all of it, while trying to grapple with our ideas of what it is to be human.
I love Ken Wilber and this book made him human and not just an astounding genius that is untouchable.
I love Ken Wilber and this book made him human and not just an astounding genius that is untouchable.
July 11, 2016
A profoundly moving love story illuminating the life lessons learned during Treya's 5-year engagement with cancer. The teaching chapters (e.g., 11, Psychotherapy and Spirituality) strike me as some of Ken's clearest work.
May 28, 2008
This book was thought provoking and beautiful.
September 3, 2008
This is a very good book, would to love see it on film
Displaying 1 - 30 of 176 reviews