What do you think?
Rate this book
A Beast Cannot Feign - Text-Only Edition: Sci-Fi your mother won't show you
A proper Libertarian novel should celebrate human freedom without resorting to crude jokes. Dr. Insensitive Jerk honors that principle like frat boys honor liquor laws.
2023 Prometheus Award finalistIn the best prank of the year, the Libertarian Future Society has named A Beast Cannot Feign as one of the five finalists for the most prestigious literary prize in Libertarian Sci Fi. This kind of poor decision-making is exactly why we have liquor laws.
The most aggravating alien invasion everHalf-aliens prowl the Earth, flaunting our taboos, banging our women, and, worst of all, laughing at our taxes. I mean really laughing. They think our taxes are hilarious, and how is a man supposed to perform with half-alien women giggling at his pay stub?
Of all the half-aliens, Luci Dark is widely regarded as the most annoying, so they chose her as their ambassador. Now she's shopping for a little patch of Earth to call, home, say, 10,000 square miles. Every right-thinking Human welcomes that idea like a fart at a wedding.
A half-alien colony would really need defending, so they've hired the very human Tom Pine to build robotic sentries, beneath Luci Dark's watchful eye. What could possibly go wrong?
About the AuthorDr. Insensitive Jerk was created in a tragic artificial-insemination accident, when his petri dish was contaminated by DNA from a lab tech’s Doberman pinscher. His childhood was stressful, especially for the family cat, but now he has put the unfortunate couch incident behind him. If you buy this book, you will help him celebrate six years clean without a single drink from the toilet.
What critics are saying about A Beast Cannot Feign"Sneaking Beast into the summer reading list would be hilarious, and I'd get fired the next day."
- Anonymous teacher
"I only read three pages and I already know it's disgusting."
- Some guy at Starbucks
"A Beast Cannot Feign is wonderful, but does it need the sex parts?"
- Dr. Jerk's mom
"How many different ways do I have to tell you I'm not interested in your book?"
- The ex
2023 Prometheus Award finalistIn the best prank of the year, the Libertarian Future Society has named A Beast Cannot Feign as one of the five finalists for the most prestigious literary prize in Libertarian Sci Fi. This kind of poor decision-making is exactly why we have liquor laws.
The most aggravating alien invasion everHalf-aliens prowl the Earth, flaunting our taboos, banging our women, and, worst of all, laughing at our taxes. I mean really laughing. They think our taxes are hilarious, and how is a man supposed to perform with half-alien women giggling at his pay stub?
Of all the half-aliens, Luci Dark is widely regarded as the most annoying, so they chose her as their ambassador. Now she's shopping for a little patch of Earth to call, home, say, 10,000 square miles. Every right-thinking Human welcomes that idea like a fart at a wedding.
A half-alien colony would really need defending, so they've hired the very human Tom Pine to build robotic sentries, beneath Luci Dark's watchful eye. What could possibly go wrong?
About the AuthorDr. Insensitive Jerk was created in a tragic artificial-insemination accident, when his petri dish was contaminated by DNA from a lab tech’s Doberman pinscher. His childhood was stressful, especially for the family cat, but now he has put the unfortunate couch incident behind him. If you buy this book, you will help him celebrate six years clean without a single drink from the toilet.
What critics are saying about A Beast Cannot Feign"Sneaking Beast into the summer reading list would be hilarious, and I'd get fired the next day."
- Anonymous teacher
"I only read three pages and I already know it's disgusting."
- Some guy at Starbucks
"A Beast Cannot Feign is wonderful, but does it need the sex parts?"
- Dr. Jerk's mom
"How many different ways do I have to tell you I'm not interested in your book?"
- The ex
425 pages, Kindle Edition
Published December 8, 2022
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
No one has reviewed this book yet.