Anatomy of a Secret Life: The Psychology of Living a Lie

by Gail Saltz

What do these people have in common?

• The traveling businessman who brings prostitutes back to his hotel room
• The wealthy woman who is arrested for shoplifting
• The seemingly happily married man who cruises gay clubs

They are all—despite differences in degree, gender, and age—living a double life, one of our most deeply ingrained, but poorly understood psychological drives. Now, Dr. Gail Saltz steps into the breach to explore —in detail and based on the latest research—our impulse to create and nurture alter egos.

Saltz reveals how assuming a different identity can be healthy and tremendously liberating. For proof, we need look no further than the innumerable people who reinvent themselves by moving to the big city, or the countless pseudonymous bloggers. But, as she also makes clear, leading a secret life comes with potentially serious psychological risks. She shows that, in more extreme cases, leading a secret life can have devastating emotional, social and familial consequences—both for the person leading the secret life, and for those close to him or her.

The definitive popular work on how a secret life is formed, lived, justified, and exposed, Saltz’s Anatomy includes contemporary case studies and historical examples (Lindbergh, T. E. Lawrence, Tchaikovsky, et cetera) of people who have risked it all for a taste of forbidden fruit.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Social Science

224 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2006

Reviews

[Jeff · Rating 3 out of 5]

Psychotherapist (i.e., Freudian) Gail Saltz's attempt to reveal the secret to what it's like to have Big Secrets. I give it a very tepid 3 star rating.

Just as the page count is artificially inflated with large margins, lots of space between lines of type, and a relatively large font, so too is the content. It's mostly empty space with a few really interesting ideas, though most are likely to be common knowledge to well-read individuals (e.g., GoodReads members).

Saltz analyzes historical double-life-living celebrities (e.g., Tchaikovsky, Charles Lindbergh, and T.E. Lawrence--aka Lawrence of Arabia) and gives us amalgams of (presumably) her most enlightening clients. Of the latter, "Scott" appears to be the star because he bookends the attempted narrative arc.

If you'd like a peek into an analyzed secret life or two, then this book won't disappoint but it won't blow your mind either.

[Henna · Rating 3 out of 5]

It started off ehh, thats why it took so long to finish; the first half wasn’t as interesting or pulling as i thought it would be. The second half though i read thru pretty fast. I think because the author started using less examples and got more into the details of her patients stories. Its an ok book overall, wish I learned more.

[E.F. · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not what I’d planned on...

Although absolutely not the book I meant to check out from the library, it was engaging enough for me to continue once I’d realized my mistake, and thought-provoking enough for me to finish (even though it’s dated).

[Elizabeth Howe · Rating 2 out of 5]

It feels kind of long for how little psychology is involved. There are a lot of intresting personal accounts and historical evidence accounts of secrets being exposed that are entertaining.

[Chris · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you are someone who wants to understand why some people act different or weird in certain settings then this is a book to read. The author covers all the main areas of concern that many people worry about, the biggest one is, if their lover is cheating on them. Other areas include people who lie all the time about their where abouts. It also talks about famous people of the past of habits that they didn't want to be made public. Great book to read for learning more about the weird habits of people.

[Helen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Passably interesting. Dr. Saltz pens this book on secret lives for the layperson reader. In the back of the book is a list of signs when someone is keeping things from you. I mainly find this interesting because of my research interest in secrecy and self-concealment, but I would say there was not a great deal in there (scientifically) that I did not already know from my past research. It was interesting to read about some of her clients' lives, however.

[Jean Kelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

A very interesting book by a psychiatrist with a psychoanalytic bend. She relates experiences in composition of patients with a variety of disorders all of which involve secrets - multiple lives, shoplifting , alcholism, perversions of many sorts, serial killers. Most interesting is Dr. Saltz pointing out that we all have secrests - some healthy and some not so much - and how they can affect us without us even being aware. Written in a lively, upbeat, funny style.

[Leonard · Rating 4 out of 5]

This title explores the secret lives many people live, secrets that may have a destructive impact on them or their loved ones. The author covers the secret lives of addicts, lovers, homsexuals, and criminals as well as others, and gives readers the tools needed to better assess their own secret life, if they have one.

[Alisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don't know what happened, halfway through the book... it was okay in the beginning, and then after the beginning i was telling myself to hang in there a little longer, but in the middle i just got so bored that i dropped the book altogether. I can't really fly judge this book because i haven't truly finished it, I guess its just not my area or liking.

[Becs · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a book that will help you discern the weight of any secret life you may be leading - or of a secret life you know any friend or loved one is leading.

It's not all bad. There can be freedom in revealing yourself. You just have to learn to whom and when.

[Gail · Rating 3 out of 5]

This wasn't exactly what I thought it would be, but it was very interesting. Quite psychological, but also in a self-help-y way. I think it will be a good research book for me, into why people keep secrets and how the secrets can be damaging, and how to deal with them.

[Ryan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pop psychology written in a terse and severe tone to hide the author's dated reliance on psychodynamic theory. The anecdotes are good, however, and I admire anyone who tries to explain the assholes in my life. Just ditch Freud for the next edition, Dr. Saltz.

[Harvey · Rating 4 out of 5]

- Cornell Professor of Psychiatry, Dr. Salz analyses the origins, risks, benefits, and consequences of hidden lives, "articulating both the seductions that secrets hold and the terrible danger they pose as they undermine the capacity for intimacy."
- quite good

[Whitney · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a must-read for everyone because we all have secrets.

[Holly · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some of the stories were interesting, but the book bored me overall.

[Leah · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was actually really interesting, but it wasn't especially well written and had little research-based information, which one might expect to see in a book about psychology.

[Allison Thurman]

Library

[Stephanie · Rating 1 out of 5]

Holy cow - Freudian to the nth degree... yep it's all got to do with sex or parents or repression. Really?? Hmm!!

[Yeewei Cheo · Rating 3 out of 5]

I agree with some of the points and theory laid down in the book, however it read too much like Freudian standard answers.

[Valerie H · Rating 4 out of 5]

Found it very questionable that the author thinks some people are too fragmented for therapy when those people need it the most, just a gentler slower approach.

[Tracey]

NOT AT LIB 8/08 - Ginnie gave 4 stars