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Going Overboard: The Misadventures of a Military Wife
In 1999, Sarah was a typical bride-to-be, flustered with wedding details. Then the groom called. “I don’t want you to panic, but I might not be able to come to our wedding....” So began Sarah Smiley’s life as a military wife. As a former Navy brat herself, Sarah knew better than anyone that weddings and funerals—even childbirth!—take a backseat to Uncle Sam. But just as the young, nationally syndicated columnist was getting comfortable with the military wife’s routine, her husband was sent away for an unexpected deployment. What followed was a true test of strength and wit. From getting locked out of the house in cowgirl pajamas to wrestling with the temptation of infidelity, Sarah exposes it all with candor, heart—and knowing humor.
288 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2005
4 people are currently reading
159 people want to read
About the author
Sarah Smiley
8 books37 followers"Uplifting" - Oprah's O Magazine
"an unexpected voice..." - NYT's
"All heart" - USA Today
"Funny, smart and real" - Dave Barry
Sarah Smiley had a syndicated newspaper column for 16 years before she retired in 2018.
Sarah has been featured in Parade Magazine, The New York Times, and USA Today, and on the Today Show, Katie Couric, Nightline, MSNBC, CNN and Fox News.
Sarah has been a Navy dependent for more than 36 years. She and Dustin have three boys, Ford, Owen and Lindell. They live in Maine, where Sarah retired from writing in 2018.
"an unexpected voice..." - NYT's
"All heart" - USA Today
"Funny, smart and real" - Dave Barry
Sarah Smiley had a syndicated newspaper column for 16 years before she retired in 2018.
Sarah has been featured in Parade Magazine, The New York Times, and USA Today, and on the Today Show, Katie Couric, Nightline, MSNBC, CNN and Fox News.
Sarah has been a Navy dependent for more than 36 years. She and Dustin have three boys, Ford, Owen and Lindell. They live in Maine, where Sarah retired from writing in 2018.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 43 reviews
May 28, 2009
Oh, where do I begin? I'm going to try to be professional about this, as angry and as upset as I am... so I'll pretend Mrs. Smiley is sitting here at my kitchen table. This is what I would say to her, from one woman to another...
"I really wish you didn't write this. I get that deployments are difficult... I've been there, done that, so I know. But I am very concerned about the ramifications of this book.
People who aren't in the military usually have very wrong ideas about military spouses. This book does nothing to help with their misconceptions. Most of us know how to balance a checkbook, stop a toilet from running, and are quite capable of mowing our own lawns. Most of us can calculate time changes in milliseconds... we always know what time it is wherever our husbands are, because we are always thinking about them wile they are deployed... our worlds come to a stop when we get a letter. I can't imagine putting it in a pocket and forgetting about it until the kids are in bed. And when we find out our husbands are coming home early, we rejoice.
I will be very honest, since we are both mature women... I hope that some day I can get to know you better. But if that time comes, it's going to take me a long time to get over the picture that you painted of yourself as a whining, helpless, selfish person. Truly, I know that's not the person you are, but first impressions are hard to overcome.
I can't imagine what you will say to your sons when they get older and read the book. Was it really a good idea to publicize all that STUFF? Did you think about how hurtful it would be to your father, your husband, your boys, the other spouses in the club who weren't portrayed very nicely? Every Officer your husband ever works with (and every enlisted person under his command) will know that his wife publicized her feelings for another man. Do you really think that contributes positively to his career and the amount of respect afforded him?
I was in tears reading the last chapter because my heart absolutely broke for your husband... who thought you wouldn't show up for the homecoming, who took his time disembarking because while all of his comrades were happily reuniting with their families, he thought he would be alone. And this after having endured the time in France when all the wives met their husbands except for you... and after you missed the video phone call and he waited and waited for you... truly, I couldn't bear it.
Your neighbor Brent must have been a saint. I don't know how he tolerated it all. I wonder why you had no problems being so dependent upon him, yet had so many problems with your husband. I wonder why, if you had so many issues with your Dad, yet you married a man who was just like him...
And while I had such a negative reaction to the book, I DO give you kudos for doing the right thing and honoring your marriage vows. Too many people these days would have made a different choice. I truly hope this experience made your marriage stronger. But I do hope you will understand that I simply cannot recommend this book to my fellow military spouses."
"I really wish you didn't write this. I get that deployments are difficult... I've been there, done that, so I know. But I am very concerned about the ramifications of this book.
People who aren't in the military usually have very wrong ideas about military spouses. This book does nothing to help with their misconceptions. Most of us know how to balance a checkbook, stop a toilet from running, and are quite capable of mowing our own lawns. Most of us can calculate time changes in milliseconds... we always know what time it is wherever our husbands are, because we are always thinking about them wile they are deployed... our worlds come to a stop when we get a letter. I can't imagine putting it in a pocket and forgetting about it until the kids are in bed. And when we find out our husbands are coming home early, we rejoice.
I will be very honest, since we are both mature women... I hope that some day I can get to know you better. But if that time comes, it's going to take me a long time to get over the picture that you painted of yourself as a whining, helpless, selfish person. Truly, I know that's not the person you are, but first impressions are hard to overcome.
I can't imagine what you will say to your sons when they get older and read the book. Was it really a good idea to publicize all that STUFF? Did you think about how hurtful it would be to your father, your husband, your boys, the other spouses in the club who weren't portrayed very nicely? Every Officer your husband ever works with (and every enlisted person under his command) will know that his wife publicized her feelings for another man. Do you really think that contributes positively to his career and the amount of respect afforded him?
I was in tears reading the last chapter because my heart absolutely broke for your husband... who thought you wouldn't show up for the homecoming, who took his time disembarking because while all of his comrades were happily reuniting with their families, he thought he would be alone. And this after having endured the time in France when all the wives met their husbands except for you... and after you missed the video phone call and he waited and waited for you... truly, I couldn't bear it.
Your neighbor Brent must have been a saint. I don't know how he tolerated it all. I wonder why you had no problems being so dependent upon him, yet had so many problems with your husband. I wonder why, if you had so many issues with your Dad, yet you married a man who was just like him...
And while I had such a negative reaction to the book, I DO give you kudos for doing the right thing and honoring your marriage vows. Too many people these days would have made a different choice. I truly hope this experience made your marriage stronger. But I do hope you will understand that I simply cannot recommend this book to my fellow military spouses."
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September 5, 2008this book just made me realize i'm not as crazy as i previously thought.
October 9, 2013
Being a military member and a spouse, I could relate to many of Smiley's life dilemmas but at the same time had a difficult time understanding her perspective on things. She was very reliant on her husband and although I see some of that as a necessary aspect of marriage, I appreciated her friends' input almost more than hers throughout the book. Having grown up in the age of technology, we have online banking but even at the age of 16, I could balance a checkbook. Her inability to do things like that or mow the lawn made her seem very needy. Military wives that I know are significantly more independent than the military wife that Smiley portrayed. I was also a bit uncomfortable with her willingness to see her doctor on a flirtatious level. She let that situation go on for way too long.
If reading this book, definitely pay attention to the thoughts of her friends, Jody, Courtney, and Melanie. They are a far more realistic view of military wives.
If reading this book, definitely pay attention to the thoughts of her friends, Jody, Courtney, and Melanie. They are a far more realistic view of military wives.
November 12, 2011
I liked reading the book, but was appalled at the insensitivity and selfishness of the author. This is the real life view of the incidences of an airforce wife's life when her husband is deployed abroad. The author has written her experiences while her husband was deployed unexpectedly for Iraq war. I was always eager to take a peek behind the scenes of army/navy/airforce life. Though this book deals with US, rather than Indian airforce, nevertheless I relished it. But the author portrays herself as a selfish, childish, dependent, lazy woman who always has grumbles against her husband and mother-in-law, whereas I can't find much fault with MIL's behavior, though I feel husband takes her for granted at times, and doesnot display his affection for her. The way she treats her husband is far worse than how he treats her. Maybe the real situations and emotions got a bit distorted while penning down, still, I feel much sympathy towards the husband than the wife (whereas usually I am a staunch supporter of wives when it comes to domestic tiff). I understand her crush on the cute doctor, but I dont undestand why she blurts it out to all her friends and even her husband who is having a hard time fighting abroad when he has just got a rare opportunity to call her. I also dont understand why she doesn't read the husband's letters or try to make it to see him when she is given a chance, no, two chances. Support from her emotionally and morally strong friends and ever obliging neighbours must have been a great boon to her. In the end she cuts her ties with the doctor, and goes back to the husband. All's well that ends well - I suppose.
June 16, 2009
There were some things in this book that Smiley was right on target with - her emotions about deployment, what happens when your husband is gone, etc. I appreciated her honesty about somethings, but others I could have done w/o- for instance she tells her husband on a phone call while he is deployed that she has feelings for another man (her OBGYN!) and has told the other man. She seems generally dissatifed with her marriage, which left me bit confused as to why she was so unhappy. There were lots of other things that left me with a bad taste in my mouth, but mainly I think that as a military spouse we have a duty to be supportive and find inner strength when times are tough and I just don't think the author gets it.
June 5, 2011
Ugh. Where do I start? My oh my, how can the author be so helpless and selfish? I felt like the entire contents of the book should have read "ME ME ME OH NO ME MINE MYSELF CUTE DOCTOR HELP ME ME ME." She made me really angry. As a woman, but more as a human. Plenty of people have been "dependents" their whole lives and can still function and use common sense. I lived at home until I was 27 and I had plenty. She "had no idea how to get in touch with the Red Cross" whilst waiting in the hospital with her friend who had a miscarriage? Really? Because I'm pretty sure the hospital would know, if you just ask someone. The only redeeming parts of the book were her hypochondriac hilarity (esp. the syrup/purple penis part) and the interest insights into military life.
February 25, 2009
Sarah & her family have recently become friends with our family (our sons are in second grade together). I have found it an odd situation to be in where I can read a book detailing the Smiley's early married life, but my husband and I have no such memoir to 'even the score'. Well, I guess they'll have to get to know us the old-fashioned way! That said, I would enjoy this book just as much if I didn't know the author. I have always liked reading memoirs, and Going Overboard is full of the quirky, humane stories that make bedtime reading of a chapter (or 2 or 3) something to look forward to.
June 29, 2008
This book was a good read. If you're a military spouse you know that you laugh and cry during deployment. Sometimes it was a little bit whinny, but lets face it, we all have bad days during deployment.
March 2, 2013
An interesting look a a Navy wife staying home when her husband deploys. Some people take longer to grow up then others, and Mrs Smiley is one of those. (Feels like me)
July 15, 2019
This book shared some thoughts and emotions that I could absolutely relate to, and some of her wording mirrors exactly what I have expressed myself throughout this process. However, there are some drastic differences with our mentality, and I struggled with her overall focus of the book. I found myself skimming through all the “fluffy” stories towards the end to focus on the depth.
December 6, 2008
I laughed, cried, and laugh/cried throughout this entire book. Sarah's observations of life as a military wife are right on the mark. I have often wished that I had started writing everything that happened from the beginning of my husband's military career; there have been some pretty unbelievable things! I almost feel like Sarah was writing MY story! If you are a military wife and don't see yourself in this book you either (a) have not been a military wife for very long; (b) live far enough away from the base that you are not exposed to the life; (c) stay totally away from all of the "events" and "activities"; or (d) are so close that you can't see because you won't take a step back and look and some of the humor that goes along with this life. Give this book a good read. Read it with good humor. Love your life as a military wife. There truly is only one rule: BE YOURSELF! Anyway, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND this book -- especially to military wives. Read this for what it is -- an honest portrayal of this woman's life as a military wife. Her experiences are not going to be the same as every other military wife's; her feelings are not going to be the same as every other military wife's; and her ways of handling things are not going to be the same as every other military wife's -- but when you are going through the struggles of married military life, it is certainly nice to see that it's okay to admit that life is not all sunshine and flowers 24/7.
In summary of this long and rambling review, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND this book to ALL military wives! Even if you don't agree, you should commend Sarah on her spirit, wit, and COURAGE! This is not a self-help book for military wives; it's an honest memoir. Trust your Key Volunteer network (or other support groups) and other military wives -- those who have "been there/done that" -- especially those who can observe the life as objectively as this author. Can't wait to read Sarah's new book.
In summary of this long and rambling review, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND this book to ALL military wives! Even if you don't agree, you should commend Sarah on her spirit, wit, and COURAGE! This is not a self-help book for military wives; it's an honest memoir. Trust your Key Volunteer network (or other support groups) and other military wives -- those who have "been there/done that" -- especially those who can observe the life as objectively as this author. Can't wait to read Sarah's new book.
August 1, 2011
Ok. So it is a memoir. So, of course it's going to be all about the author and very up close and personal. I have to admit, anytime I'm faced with a military-spouse-type book, I turn the other way, thinking: "what could be in here that I don't already know" or (gasp) "I don't want to read this, what if it comes true for me!"
But all in all, I'm glad I read this. It gives one spouses perspective on her experience. Not every spouse experience, just hers. We all have our own stuff going on and our own experiences and perspectives - Sarah just decided to publicize hers. I'm sure others do via Facebook status updates. I laughed and cried throughout. At times I totally felt for her and felt like she was reading my mind. Other times I disliked her for the choices she was making. But all in all - it was a story, and a good one at that. Very fast read, like picking up the phone and gossiping with an old friend. I'm sure most people take this for what it is, one persons thoughts to being married to the military, not a complete portrayal of every mil spouse. That doesn't exist. The is no "model" of the military spouse, as the military is just a smaller fishbowl version of the greater world, filled with all types of people, with all types of backgrounds, and all types of thoughts.
But all in all, I'm glad I read this. It gives one spouses perspective on her experience. Not every spouse experience, just hers. We all have our own stuff going on and our own experiences and perspectives - Sarah just decided to publicize hers. I'm sure others do via Facebook status updates. I laughed and cried throughout. At times I totally felt for her and felt like she was reading my mind. Other times I disliked her for the choices she was making. But all in all - it was a story, and a good one at that. Very fast read, like picking up the phone and gossiping with an old friend. I'm sure most people take this for what it is, one persons thoughts to being married to the military, not a complete portrayal of every mil spouse. That doesn't exist. The is no "model" of the military spouse, as the military is just a smaller fishbowl version of the greater world, filled with all types of people, with all types of backgrounds, and all types of thoughts.
September 26, 2012
Going along with my military wife preparation reading list, I borrowed Sarah Smiley’s Going Overboard: The Misadventures of a Military Wife. Compared to The Day After He Left for Iraq, by Melissa Seligman (the author who wrote to me!), this book wasn’t nearly as compelling. However, it was another perspective into a lifestyle I’m very curious about, so I’m glad I read it.
As compared to Seligman’s exploration of the range of emotion a military wife feels when her husband deploys, Smiley’s book is more of a cringe-fest. She goes in and out of depression and pokes fun at herself throughout most of the book for how helpless she is, her hypochondriac tendencies, etc. This book lacked the depth of Seligman’s, but in its own way, it explained how some wives learn to deal with the extended absence, becoming a temporary single parent, and the depression that sometimes comes with it.
As compared to Seligman’s exploration of the range of emotion a military wife feels when her husband deploys, Smiley’s book is more of a cringe-fest. She goes in and out of depression and pokes fun at herself throughout most of the book for how helpless she is, her hypochondriac tendencies, etc. This book lacked the depth of Seligman’s, but in its own way, it explained how some wives learn to deal with the extended absence, becoming a temporary single parent, and the depression that sometimes comes with it.
April 2, 2008
Book Description
A former Navy brat and present-day Navy wife, Sarah Smiley knows better than anyone that weddings and funerals-even childbirth!-take a backseat to Uncle Sam. And it seems that every time the young, nationally syndicated columnist gets comfortable with her routine, her husband is sent away for an unexpected deployment. What follows is a true test of strength and wit that even Sarah's nit-picking mother-in-law couldn't have prepared her for. From raccoons in the attic to getting locked out of the house in cowgirl pajamas to developing a crush on her handsome doctor, Sarah learns that growing up means taking a leap-and sometimes going a little overboard. In this memoir, she exposes it all with candor, heart, and a whole lot of laughs.
A former Navy brat and present-day Navy wife, Sarah Smiley knows better than anyone that weddings and funerals-even childbirth!-take a backseat to Uncle Sam. And it seems that every time the young, nationally syndicated columnist gets comfortable with her routine, her husband is sent away for an unexpected deployment. What follows is a true test of strength and wit that even Sarah's nit-picking mother-in-law couldn't have prepared her for. From raccoons in the attic to getting locked out of the house in cowgirl pajamas to developing a crush on her handsome doctor, Sarah learns that growing up means taking a leap-and sometimes going a little overboard. In this memoir, she exposes it all with candor, heart, and a whole lot of laughs.
February 10, 2012
I have a really hard time deciding what I think ... I found a lot to relate with, inevitably, and I sympathized with her at times, but I also found her to be incredibly selfish and annoying. However, I think she was purposely portraying herself that way, as in it was a phase of her life she's not proud of (but she never really acknowledged that directly, so I'm not sure). If anything, it made me feel better about myself because I'm not that pathetic, but that's not really the message I wanted to get out of this book. I wouldn't want civilians reading this and forming their opinion of military spouses based on her.
October 15, 2007
This book was funny and in some ways was true to the experience of many military wives (what if feels like to have your husband leave). However, I don't feel like Ms. Smiley was a faithful and loving wife and this part doesn't portray the wonderful Navy wives I know. She also whined alot and complained that people thought she should have known what she was getting into since her dad was an admiral and I agree with those people. If she didn't want the Navy life she shouldn't have married into it.
April 29, 2009
This book brought back all the memories of my 8 years as a full-time Army wife. I laughed at the reminder that the car always breaks down right after your husband leaves for deployment, and felt sad as the author shared those all too familiar conflicting emotions that you face as a military wife...proud of your husband and wanting to be strong form him, but resentful of being "geographically single."
The author handles herself with humor and unflinching honesty.
The author handles herself with humor and unflinching honesty.
November 23, 2014
To start, I am a Sarah Smiley fan. I love her articles, and truly look forward to reading "Dinner with the Smileys". This being said, I was disappointed in this book. Her concerns seem petty, and this is confirmed with her parents, friends, and husband all telling her that she needs to "grow up" in one form or another. The writing style was good, but I would have a hard time recommending this book to anyone.
August 11, 2008
I'm not quite done with this book and honestly I dont know why I'm sitll reading it. Someone put it in the break room at work one day and I picked it up. She just annoyed me. I was a navy wife and although me and my husband weren't married during the work ups and deployments I was never any where near as dependent as this woman. Maybe I'll change my mind when I get to the end....
January 6, 2009
I thought this was a pretty good book. You will laugh and cry while reading this. I read this book while my Husband was gone to Iraq for the first time. At some points I thought she was a little whinny but everyone has bad days. I know I had a few whinny moments over my husband's first deployment but then again he was gone for 15 months.
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August 21, 2010Hated this book...feel cheated of the hours that I lost reading it. The author's "me button" was on so high I wish she were my neighbor so I could tell her in person what a bitch she is. Can't believe she actually made money from being a wench. That seems so unfair. I hope her husband meets a nice girl someday and dumps her!
October 15, 2010
I loved this book and I loved Sarah Smiley. This book made me cry towards the end. I love the fact that eventhough she had issues on infidelity, she woke up and saw in the end that she should really be with her husband and I really like that. Sarah Smiley is now one of my favorite authors! I would love to read more of her books, if there are any.
January 8, 2012
Drama, co-dependence, and constant kvetching. Sarah whines and complains at length while her husband is deployed. She's suffering from post-partum depression and contemplates having an affair while he's halfway around the world. I think the book was supposed to be about how she grew up and matured while her husband was away, but it made me think she'd be insufferable to deal with in person.
March 16, 2013
The memoir presents an interesting view of military spouse life, but parts of it are cringe-worthy and the author's actions really rub me the wrong way at times. The writing itself is engaging and easy to read. Overall, it's a good glimpse into a lifestyle not everyone understands, but it's also not a flattering or pretty one.
June 9, 2013
I really loved this book. I could really identify with a lot in this book. I remember feeling a lot of the things that Sarah felt when my husband deployed. I remember the tension and the stupid arguments that we had just as Sarah and her husband had. I thought that this book was well written and true to life.
June 23, 2008
Beyond lame. The author is a whiney Navy wife who complains the entire time about her husband's 6 month deployment. I'd like to see her try and do a few 12-15 month deployments! She's gives a bad name to all military wives.
June 5, 2011
This book wasn't terrible, but it wasn't great either. I think I would have enjoyed it more if I didn't find Sarah's personality quite so obnoxious. I was frustrated for most of the book because I thought she just needed to grow up and get over herself.
August 14, 2013
Non-fiction. Really cute. Sarah tells what its like when her husband gets sent to war. She has 2 little boys and they live in Florida. They have a "Spouses Club". She also has a crush on her gynocologist.
July 16, 2015
I will say it was an entertaining read at times, but I will also say I was upset with a lot of the choices the author made in her life. The book left me feeling a little upset I had picked it up in the first place, and I hope I handle things better when my husband is deployed.
June 6, 2007
I laughed and I cried.... this book is really good at providing real life insight into being a military spouse (especially navy). Its a good, quick read.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 43 reviews