Escape from Intimacy: Untangling the ``Love'' Addictions: Sex, Romance, Relationships

by Anne Wilson Schaef

Schaef applies the addictions of sex, love, romance, and relationships to her broader addiction theory and clearly defines and contrasts the relationship addictions.

Genres: Psychology, Relationships, Self Help, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Love, Personal Growth

176 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1989

Reviews

[Merrie Harris · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book definitely made me wonder if anyone can have a healthy relationship. I'm quite certain that not all relationships are in peril, but it was eye opening to see how easy it is to substitute aspects of a relationship for a full healthy relationship.

I do think this book has valuable information and can be helpful for some. I just think we don't know enough about the subject matter and until society is perhaps a little more open-minded and accepting it will continue to be difficult subject matter.

[Lynne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I couldn't even try to fit everything I've learned from this book into a box as small as this. But suffice it to say this book couldn't have come to me at a better time. And better still, I found it for free at a local thrift shop!

[Shu Long · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not a how to book but more of a book about diagnosis, especially of society in general and how people interact with society and thereby develop disorders in their relationships due to the nature of society. The book can leave you wondering if anyone can have a healthy relationship and there is very little in the book on healthy relationships. However, that's not what the author is writing about and should not be expected. I went in thinking there were would be more on recovery for society in general and there was very little. Many references to the Twelve Step Program and other books to read on how to recover now that you know what you have. Useful for some but not for all. It does gives language and context with which to discuss certain issues. Somewhat repetitive but I'm known to not like repetition and others may like having the message discussed in a variety of different ways.

[Charlotte Wrenn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book opened up a world to me in 1989. Intimacy in my family was always just out of reach. I was a devout Christian who faithfully attended church but that did not answer the questions this book answered, nor were any of these issues ever mentioned. Ever. The church, unfortunately, was a complicit enabler in my case. This book helped me to begin to understand and unravel my emotional dependency issues and started me on a path toward creating a more complete life. Awareness around love and sex and avoidance of intimacy in our culture, whether through drugs, or alcohol, or even religious addiction, is still, in 2012, quite urgently needed. Thank you, Anne Wilson Schaef.

[Arash Narchi · Rating 1 out of 5]

Couldn't get past 40 pages in this book.

Really wanted to. The author did not do a great job organizing the information. No narrative. The first chapter just went into extreme case studies without really presenting the landscape for the problem clearly.

While there was a bibliography with a clear notes section, the book read as it was her opinion and just anecdotal.

Sad as I was excited for this but poor writing and organization really bothered me and couldn't continue.

[Lucian Vicovan · Rating 3 out of 5]

The last of the series with love, relationship and addiction, was this one! What differences this from the ones before is the try to make a sharp line between the sex-, romance- and relationship addiction! Bottom line - all this addictions can end up deadly, all of them are the consequences of a fear of closeness! Closeness first and foremost to oneself!

[Chrisanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

(I didn't ever read chapter 1). Great commentary on our messed-up, fake society. Should probably be required reading for a marriage prep. class. Points out even more lies that media tells us. And definitely gave me some mindsets to avoid.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was scary...
Relationships can get so tangled and dysfunctional, eek!

[Crimson Sparrow · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent, hard-hitting book about the ways we create pseudo-relationships in our culture,the price we pay for them, and the path of hope for building real intimacy.

[Becky · Rating 4 out of 5]

Drug, cigarette, gambling, and drinking addictions are very well-known forms of codependence in our society, but not as well recognized is sex addiction, let alone romance & relationship addictions. In order to hope for recovery, one must first know exactly what the root addiction is. Very enlightening book.

[Julene · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book long ago when I was first introduced to her work. Eventually I did a nine day intensive with her in Colorado. It was intense and was the place I realized I had addictions to heal and grief to work through. I am grateful to her work.

[MaryKay Keller · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love her books. So illuminating and resonating. I first read her book on Society and addictions. I found it in a desk drawer in my new office when I was hired at a county Substance Abuse Prevention Agency. Learned more from her than the training in SAP.

[Nico Barendse · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very insightful but leaves one with many questions about how to have the right type of relationships or wondering if it is at all possible. I definitely recommend it!!

[Victoria Slotto]

Read for my thesis 1992

[Simona · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was a little reminder that addiction is not only what we think about it, but so much more. This book goes over the addictions of sex, romance and relationships, and helps a bit to understand what and where to pay attention, in case you need it.

[Kristina · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you want to avoid unhealthy relationships, I can't think of a better book than this one to recommend! It fully engaged me from page 1 till page 158. I had several aha moments while reading it. It's written in a simple language, but the recovery process it outlines is not always easy. The thing I liked the most is that it clarifies some of the less obvious issues related to co-dependence, which is also a disease. Co-dependents are better identified as addicts, who should see themselves as the afflicted not just affected, and take ownership (not blame or accountability) for their personal addictive process in order to recover. I'm grateful to have found and read this book. It was empowering. I look forward to integrating everything I've learned from it in my own healing process.