Consensuality: How to Love Other People Without Losing Yourself

by Helen Wildfell

There are infinite possibilities in human relationships, but the fairytale ideal of companionship does not exist for most people. In Consensuality, Helen Wildfell and her co-adventurers detail the process for creating or finding a healthy, successful relationship as well as common pitfalls and how to avoid them. Tackling topics like gender identity, sexual boundaries, power struggles, emotional dysfunction, and overcoming regret and resentment, the authors describe a journey towards a respectful social environment. Their experiences lead to lessons of self-empowerment and communication tips for building healthy partnerships. In a consent-based relationship, partners recognize one another's preferences and boundaries and discuss how those fit with our own. Filled with personal descriptions of the complex layers in human interaction, mental health, trauma, and desire, the book combines gender studies with memoir to truly make the personal political.

Genres: Nonfiction, Feminism, Relationships, Sexuality, Gender

160 pages, Paperback

First published July 14, 2015

Reviews

[Karen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found Consensuality to be tedious and repetitive and it did not hold my interest. While the idea is good, and I know that books about power, gender and sexuality are critical, I thought it was poorly written without a tightly woven narrative structure. I appreciate books that have personal and political themes mixed throughout but it just felt too choppy and scattered to keep my focus. I hope the author continues to pursue this themes since they are so important and I look forward to her next book.

Thank you to Edelweiss for allowing me to review this book for an honest opinion.

[Shanni · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm incredibly disappointed, but from the lack of intersectionality. The author is a cisgender, heterosexual white woman, and this book is from her personal point of view, with some stories from other contributors. While it definitely provides a lot of interesting and helpful exercises to start thinking about and discussing consent within relationships, it really isn't anything insightful.

[Fin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don’t think I read the same book as everyone else but the new version was pretty good and sounds like significantly improved. I really enjoyed reading this book, it had the perfect amount of reflection

[Mel · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is very white cishet feminist heavy. There are some good questions and insights around consent. But overall its more of the same ole same.

[Isabel · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book provides a basic introduction to boundaries in interpersonal relationships/communication but I didn’t get as much as I was hoping.

[Meg]

it's tricky tho