I do not understand the reputation of this story being one of the best in the English language. First of all, it is hardly written in actual English at all. Most of the meat of the story is told through the voice of one of the uneducated supposed heroes who can't speak properly, mispronouncing and misspelling words. To add to the unreadability is the absolute infestation of Victorian British slang, idioms, phrases, and vocabulary that hasn't been used since the final years of the Anglo-Indian era.
Everything about this story smells of yesterday's gin bender seeping out of the author's pores during a hangover. Nothing happens for any logical reason whatsoever. Two white "loafers" decide that India bores them, and so they hatch a plan to disguise themselves as mullahs and sneak into Afghanistan to see what trouble they can get into there. Evidently, Afghanistan wasn't very different in the late 1800s than it is now, because the hazards to our heroes include getting dismembered if they are caught. But these are no ordinary hobos. These are well-trained mercenary types who have been adventuring for years, so they are equally as dangerous. In fact, they mean serious business. Their goal is somehow to get into a place called Kafiristan and usurp the throne. They want to be kings. Why? Boredom.
These are our heroes? Two guys who want to interfere with foreign affairs, exploit a culture, and risk adding to the local political instability of a region--all for shits and giggles?
Their meddling causes a lot of trouble, but they also bring new technologies to the villages, such as the plough, and their success further escalates their mania to the point where they dream of turning their social experiment into an empire of proper little Englishmen. Eventually, the once illiterate vagabonds of the British Queen aren't just wearing crowns of their own, but are thought to be gods by the locals, the ultimate goal of their narcissism. Until one of them bleeds. Oops.
"If it bleeds, we can kill it."
And so good riddance to the men who would be king. But was Kipling trying to make an allegory of these two as Christ figures? I hope not. Was he painting a critical microcosm of British imperialism? No, I don't think his aim was that sophisticated. I believe what he was doing was simply passing on elements of actual tales he had heard over the years, thinking these would appeal to the sense of high adventure in the armchair traveler.
The only redeeming factor is that I learned that this kind of insanity did in fact occur, and still does to an extent today. The two main characters are very much like some real historical sociopathic adventurers from various parts of America and Europe who loved nothing more than running around exotic environs, serving as guns for hire, getting in sword and knife fights, and ingratiating themselves with the local chiefs and their daughters. I think some of the accounts of these exploits were exaggerated or have become the stuff of myth, but the fact is, these people weren't dashing heroes or innocent hippies. They were scruffy and scarred land pirates who lived and died violently.
So I can't say my life was enriched very much from reading this. Kipling is actually a very good writer, but this particular tale has more legendary status than it deserves. For more compelling reading, check out some information on the real historical region of Kafiristan and the Kafir people.