You're Not the Boss of Me: Brat-proofing Your Four- to Twelve-Year-Old Child

by Betsy Brown Braun

For every parent who has ever wanted to scream, “Save me! My child is acting like a brat!” there’s You’re Not the Boss of Me. Filling a critical void in parenting manuals, revered childhood development and behavior expert Betsy Brown Braun, bestselling author of Just Tell Me What to Say , dispenses invaluable advice on how to brat-proof kids during the formative ages 4 through 12.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Family, Health, Audiobook

272 pages, Paperback

First published April 2, 2010

Reviews

[Tanya · Rating 3 out of 5]

The essence of the book is that children will behave as a brat when they don't feel significant. Therefor, the child needs to feel as if (s)he plays a meaningful role and a purpose within the family. Modeling is the most powerful form of communication, so be mindful of how you are behaving as this will impact your child. The sooner you start dealing with character traits, the easier it will be to help the child become the adult you dream of them becoming. She starts with a practical chapter on how to talk to your kids that is an overlay for each of the other chapters that deal with a specific characteristic. I liked that the chapters used many bullets to highlight the lesson, then provided some specific dialog or examples, if you needed or wanted more information.

Develop Empathy
Be Independent
Take Responsibility
Be Respectful
Tell the Truth
Be Self-Reliant
Show Gratitude
Get Over the Gimmes
Encourage Humor

Even if a parent, grandparent or child caregiver flipped through the pages and read the 52 ways to avoid affluenza or 100 ways to say, "good job," we'd have a lot more adults on the same page of character-building for this next generation.

[Lenore Webb · Rating 3 out of 5]

It seems that it was trying for my Mom to be away from home. But I think it can be that way any time we are not in our own home. But I feel that some parenting skills could have been used where she was at. I am recommending that the book You're Not the Boss of Me: Brat Proofing Your 4- to 12- Year Old Child become a new parenting bible for some.

I know that we all wish to friends with our children. Alas we are parents first. And if we continue to do all to make the kiddos always happy then we will have brats for sure. Now I am not against happy kids. I am against kids that yell, kick, scream and hit to get their way. And more so the parents that have helped enforced this behavior. I know you have seen them. That kid kicking in the middle of the store while yelling "I want, I want!" at the top of their lungs. And that mom or dad there who scoop them up and hand them what they want to have them stop yelling. My goodness, my mom (yes, Granny M.) would have taken me out and had a good talking to with me in the car. One that would have me looking hang dog faced for the rest of the afternoon.

Instead it seems that I have heard more "No!" "Stop!" "Mine!" than I ever wish to hear again from kids. I am so glad that Betsy Brown Braun has a book to help parents deal with the behavior of out of control kids. There are wonderful tips to stop the Gimmes, White Lies and how to show empathy and gratitude. Better yet you can help your kiddos become responsible, respectful and self reliant. Doesn't that sound wonderful?

And there is a special feature on 100 Ways to Say "Good Job!" Oh yes, that is a very important part of teaching behavior. Positive reinforcement works.

[Theresa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am happy that I got this book, for one, it has ideas and things I can incorporate NOW with my 4 year old, but also things that I will have to look back on and use when he is 7, 9, 12 etc. There are 10 Chapters:
How to talk to your kids
Growing an Empathetic child
Building Independence in your child
Teaching Responsibility
Creating a Respectful Child
Instilling Honesty in your child
Building a Self Reliant Child
Making a Gratitude Adjustment in your child
Eliminating Spoilage in your child
Bringing Humor to your childs life

I found a lot of tips and information useful, and started using it right away, and I do see a difference in how my child reacts to me now. Some information was new to me, I hadn't realized or thought about for instance what a child is capable of understanding or NOT understanding in certain situations- especially in the empathy department. Some information was not new and was common sense, but it's always good to have a reminder or someone else confirming what you might know- ie yelling at your child, in his face, isn't going to get a response you want. I didn't agree with everything, for instance she said she believes children do not belong in a restaurant. But, for the most part I did agree with her approaches and style. I am hoping in the long run this will help the behavior in our home!

[Michele Weidenbenner · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was ok. What I didn't like is the author had a lot of "don't do this" but not too many "do THIS". She gave some examples of not directing, rescuing, explaining, etc, to your child but did not follow up on what to actually do instead. The author suggested that when our children steal, not to tell them that they will go to jail because, "this simply is not true". Well, I in fact believe that shoplifting IS illegal so I DID tell my 4 year old that she will go to jail if she steals and so far, I have not had to bail her out!

[Shae · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really like this particular parenting book because each chapter is set up with an explanation of its subject and then bullet point tips include sample ways to say things. For example, "Why don't you start over and tell me the whole, true story?" in the "Instilling Honesty in Your Children" chapter. This book isn't as research based as some of the others I've read, but it is extremely practical and applicable. Having so many examples of how I might explain something to a child or encourage a certain character trait helps me feel like I'll be a better communicator. I bought this book so that I could re-read it when my kids are a little older.

[Lee Anne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some of the phrases Braun suggests parents use I would be embarrassed to hear myself say, they're so corny. That being said, she does impart some good, practical advice for dealing with acquisitiveness, whining, and many of the other perils of parenting. Like most parenting books, it makes me a better parent while I'm reading it; let's see how much sticks with me.

[Leslie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good advice here. More for the littles and nipping problem behaviors in the bud (or never allowing them to begin). What about the older ones you've already messed up? Need to find that book.

[Trish · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think that the author gives great advice. It is simple and makes sense.

[Michelle Roberts · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has so many great skills for not only dealing with a constantly misbehaving child but also just raising a child in general. It's amazing how many things Karen's or caregivers do out of habit or just plain brainfarts. It's neatly organized and while you may not need to do everything in the book (and some of it is definitely going to be hard habits for parents to break, lo Ike saying "good job") it is worth the read.

[David McNamara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Finally, some more actionable ways to deal with children (as opposed to philosophical ideals for raising good kids) - helpful in building the mindset, vocabulary, and phrases for dealing with disruptive little ones.

[Jenny Canfield · Rating 5 out of 5]

Informative, insightful, helpful and influential in changing my parenting style for the better!

[Megan Decker · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good points for parenting.

[R · Rating 2 out of 5]

Nothing new - I've read other parenting books with more info

[Kasey Dietrich · Rating 2 out of 5]

Pretty basic advice, wasn't able to learn a lot from this book.

[Shel E. · Rating 5 out of 5]

10/10!!! Wonderful wisdom into raising independent, responsible, kind humans!!! I applied this book to my parenting of my 4 year old and our relationship has blossomed so much!! Great read!!

[Cilla Savary · Rating 3 out of 5]

There is definitely excellent advice all through this. Some of it seems repetitive however. Reading just the bulleted charts would give you an enormous amount of information. She is somewhat dated in a few of her examples. One in particular: The family is sitting around the table eating dinner. In order to teach thinking about others the dad says that mom has a hard job at work as a lawyer all day being on the phone for hours and then doing paperwork. Then he says she comes home and makes these great dinners for us. She must be tired. Lets make sure we help her clean up after dinner. -- I have several issues with this. If Mom and Dad both work, why aren't they sharing dinner responsibilities (I have known people for whom this situation is their accepted norm). If mom made dinner why isn't it the responsibility for someone else to clean up after it? The description of mom's job is somewhat patronizing. Ooooo, her lawyer job where she does paperwork and makes phone calls.

[morninglightmama · Rating 4 out of 5]

Yes, the information and suggestions in this parenting book have been written and read before, but I have to say that the organization and "angle" of this guide works incredibly well at conveying to parents not only solid advice, but also driving home the points of WHY the advice makes sense. While the title points the action toward the child, the bulk of the advice is geared toward parental behavior. Personally, this is one that I found myself nodding, dog-earing and highlighting along for so much of the reading time!

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lot repetitive in some areas, but also some "why didn't I think of that" moments to ponder. A different take on guiding older children. Kids don't respond to sarcasm to modify their behavior but can certainly model it when it will drive me crazy. Good reminders on encouraging appreciation, respect, humor, and humility in kids.

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

I first heard the author interviewed on one of my favorite podcasts, For Crying Out Loud. I liked her sensibility and advice. This book doesn't have much that is new or innovative, but it had good reminders, especially about communication and respect.

[Stacy Jensen · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was okay. Nothing groundbreaking here. Some good ideas but I was really looking for a magic pill. Does anyone have a magic behavior pill? Especially for the Summer?

[Jan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well organized with some good pointers.

[Brooke · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another excellent book by Braun. She is becoming my go-to for parenting advice. She covers so many topics we are dealing with or will be in such a thoughtful and practical way.

[Margaret · Rating 3 out of 5]

many useful ideas--mostly common sense. a bit repetitive. too many lists

[Liz Regenold · Rating 3 out of 5]

Wish I could get away with giving to a few chosen people. Excellent.

[Shari · Rating 3 out of 5]

its ok...Im still reading

[Abigail · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nothing incredibly new, but I like her approach and the many lists with concrete examples (say X, not Y, when such-and-such happens).

[Kendra · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good but a little redundant. A good deal of soft information - but great food for thought.

[Trish · Rating 3 out of 5]

Written well. The child development was interesting but the tips seem to be things I already practice with my kids.

[Lisa · Rating 2 out of 5]

Too much "don't do this" and not enough "do this".

[Glitter · Rating 5 out of 5]