A Parenting: Getting It Right

by Andy Stanley

Am I getting parenting right Most parents, at any and every stage, find themselves asking this question.


Whether you're sleep deprived with a colicky newborn or navigating the emotional roller coaster of a teenager, parenting has its ups and downs, its confusion and clarity, its big blowups and small victories. And no matter our family makeup or our children's personalities, many of us experience anxiety over our children's futures and often fear making a mistake.

Andy and Sandra Stanley are no strangers to this feeling. As parents of three grown children and cofounders of North Point Ministries, they are seasoned experts on faith and parenting. Together they have spent decades counseling countless families, mentoring others, and learning from mentors of their own, all while leading one of the largest churches in the country.

In Parenting: Getting It Right, Andy and Sandra combine their experience and wisdom into a guide that helps readers understand and live by essential parenting principles. In an inviting, conversational approach that is both informative and accessible, the Stanleys help readers understand the most important goal in parenting and learn the steps to pursue it by:


Learning the four distinct stages of parenting
Clarifying the primary goal of parenting and developing a parenting orientation around that goal
Identifying and adapting their approach--not their rules--to their children's distinct personalities
Deciding on their shortlist of non-negotiables and learning to stick to it
 

You don't have to constantly doubt if you're getting it right as a parent. Start here and feel confident about raising a healthy and happy family.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Faith, Christian, Self Help, Family

240 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2023

About the author

Andy Stanley is the senior pastor of North Point Community Church, Buckhead Church, and Browns Bridge Community Church. He also founded North Point Ministries, which is a worldwide Christian organization.

Reviews

[Shireen Eldridge · Rating 5 out of 5]

We have 4 kids and I have read so many parenting books and blogs and listened to podcasts, and this is by far the best one I’ve read. It isn’t a “how to” which I appreciate. It’s principles, biblical principles applied to parenting. Simple and impactful principles. It is about “later is longer” meaning we parent to their adult years and the relationship we want to have with them as adults. Helping them become healthy adults. I love that they have already “proven” these principles cause their kids are much older and married and also agreed this was wise parenting as they look back. I would encourage any parent, even of brand new babies, to read this and discuss how these principles could transform not only the kids and family, but the parents as well. Cause if there’s one thing about parenting, it’s learning more about yourself in the journey than the actual “how to’s” to raise your kids.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

Book 31 of 2023
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️💫

This book came highly recommended from a parent I highly respect. My only regret in reading this book is that I got it from the library. This is full of so many great principles and truths. I wish I’d had my own copy to mark up with a highlighter and pen.

The first 5 chapters, especially, were full of so much goodness. I loved how he emphasized the difference between discipline and punishment, as well as the end goal of discipline—confession and restoration. I’ve already taken a few tips from this book & started using them with my boys & in my classroom.

Can’t recommend this one enough! It’s a quick and easy read. You feel like they’re just sitting and chatting with you.

Format: ebook (Libby)

[Emily Short · Rating 5 out of 5]

5+++ ⭐️!! Ok, I have read A LOT of parenting books (I need all the help I can get!🙈), but this one is BY FAR the best I have read. I listened to the audible version and it was read by the authors, Andy and Sandra, and it felt like they were just having a conversation with me. The content is excellent - so many wonderful words of wisdom and real life tips to start right away! I’ve even asked my husband to read it too (I don’t normally) because it is so good and I want him to hear it from someone other than me🤪. I highly recommend this - and listening was a plus for me! (I also bought the hard copy because I know I’ll want to go back and reference so many things)! If you’re a parent, add this to your list!!

[Trish Booth · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good gems on parenting. In particularly the relational priorities and the different stages of parenting. Would have appreciated more biblical backup behind all the parenting wisdom

[Taylor Lent · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed that this parenting book was written from the perspective of parents that had grown kids. They reflected on what they did & what they felt worked well. One of my main takeaways was - “parent with the relationship in mind. Parent in such a way that your kids will want to be with you & with each other even when they no longer have to be.” They also wrote about 4 stages of parenting, the discipline years, training years, coaching years & friendship years.

[Lesley Kempin · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best parenting books I’ve read yet! So so encouraging and practical, with a focus on shifting your mindset from desiring obedience to nurturing the long term relationship. I listened to the audiobook and the authors were excellent narrators, but I’ll also be purchasing my own copy to refer to. Can’t recommend it enough!

[Hayden Lukas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this. Obviously, you don't have to do everything they suggest, but the main idea of the book--adult friendship with your children--is a great target for parents. I listened to the audiobook, and they did a great job with it. Highly recommend.

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a practical parenting book but also a wonderful memoir of two parents who have walked through the trenches and can look back and reflect on the good and hard things about parenting. I immediately put things into my vocabulary as I was reading this! (My kids say “stop doing things from that book mom” haha) I have read a lot of parenting books and I wouldn’t say there was a ton of extraordinary things that I’ve never heard of before in fact so much overlaps with a lot of wonderful advice that I’ve read before! I think the ease of this book would be helpful for those of us in the trenches because it truly is easy and interesting to read! I would love to read it with a group to see how other parents saw it and to work through some of the things that are newer to my parenting philosophy but I would recommend this book! But only if I get to hear your thoughts as you read or after you’re done!!

[Sara · Rating 5 out of 5]

5⭐️ I Loved this book! I listened to the audiobook and I found it incredibly engaging. It took me a while as I listened to a couple chapters twice. The author is the son of the late Charles Stanley and I didn’t piece that together until I was half way into the book. A few of the chapters are written from a Christian perspective; however, the core principles of the book are fantastic regardless of religious affiliation. I am ordering the workbook and have asked my husband to listen to it. I already find myself staying calmer and heeding their advice. Grateful for this read!

[Timo · Rating 5 out of 5]

A rich book.
The main theme of the book was basically a relationship-oriented parenting style.
The authors split the childhood and youth of a child in different age groups, such that a slightly adjusted parenting approach is required as the child grows up.
I got more notes than I could possibly fit in one review. Definitely worth it.
I see myself reading this again in a year.

[Erica Grace · Rating 5 out of 5]

I did audio on this book and then immediately ordered the physical copy because I want to highlight sooo many things!! The biggest take home for me is valuing and prioritizing my future relationship with my kids….having long term goals for parenting and not just the immediate obedience that we feel we deserve!

[Megan Burns · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting to read a faith based book while not subscribing to said faith. I did appreciate many of the Stanley's insights though, and found some helpful tips in how to tweak my parenting style to always keep the relationship in mind. Would recommend.

[Robert D Sinyard · Rating 5 out of 5]

efficient and insightful

Great principles that are not necessarily intuitive for a first time parent. Easy to read and adopt these principles at any stage

[Elizabeth McCravy · Rating 5 out of 5]

THIS BOOK (!!!) I absolutely loved it - one of the top 2 parenting books I’ve read. I love how extremely practical and to the point it is. It’s not theory or chapters and chapters explaining why parenting matters… Andy and Sandra get STRAIGHT TO IT.

I listened to this as an audiobook, and it plays like a podcast more than a book, which makes it really easy to listen to. He and Sandra narrate the whole thing. It’s also only about 5 hours long.

I found myself really resonating with the Stanley’s approach to parenting, and as a toddler and newborn mom, I found it really practical while still having mainly ideas that apply to later seasons of parenting. It also is just super encouraging!

I have already gone back to listen to some chapters again because it’s that impactful. I’m referencing the ebook too for note taking. And, my husband is reading it now too.

(Side note: I kinda hated the intro because Andy refers to c-sections as “not actually giving birth”. 😏 It rubbed me wrong as I just had an unplanned c-section a week before picking this up. If that part rubs you wrong too… I’d encourage you to keep going and read the whole book anyway because it really is amazing despite some poorly said things about birth in the intro.)

[Amanda Gomsak · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book. Very few parts, minimal, did I say, “there’s no way that would work.” Simple concepts, yet not easy to execute. Un-parenting myself while parenting my children has been difficult over the last month. However, Stanley encompasses the very vision I have for parenting with the relationship at the forefront.

[Jordan Schleder · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a reflection of why I love listening to Andy’s sermons. It’s faith based life applications. As a Jesus follower, I want guidance on how to live my life the way Jesus would. That’s exactly how Andy and Sandra position themselves to communicate to their audience. Being a previous member of North Point when we lived in Georgia, I’ve heard most of the stories and the tag lines like, “You’ll be glad you did “, which is the title of one of his series. That being said, I love the reminders. I catch myself quoting Andy often and I’m not mad about it.

[Robin Peake · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've become a bit fed up of parenting books, podcasts and advice of late, trying to discern my own voice and instincts as a parent.
But this really resonated. It probably felt timely (our kids are 7 and 5) as we enter the "training years" and I think the advice is straightforward and clear - something I've need when there's lots of confusion around!

[Hope Halfacre · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent parenting book. I only wish I had this book when I was a younger mom. I loved how they broke the parenting stages into 4 categories and gave advice for each category. I’ll be listening to this book again and again!

[Courtney Duke · Rating 5 out of 5]

Short and sweet and so many good take away. Listened to twice to take notes. The notes:

North Star goal: kids who enjoy being with us and with each other when they no longer have to be.
The 4 stages of parenting:

1. The Discipline Years (0-5 years old)
* Discipline for disobedience, disrespect and dishonesty
* Take actions have consequences while the stakes are low
* This is just a season, the days are long but the years are short. Don’t miss the good stuff.
2. The Training Years (5-12 years old)
* Explaining the why behind the rules and expectations.
* The skills we want our kids to have in public, we must train into them in private
* Practice and redos
3. The Coaching Years (12-18 years old)
* Connecting more than correcting
* Cultivate constant conversations
* Don’t bail, let them fail
* Get interested in what interests them
4. The Friendship Years (18+ years old)

When it comes to our words, every time you speak to your children 3 dynamics determine how they process and ultimately respond to what they hear
1. Words are not equally weighted
- Negative words weigh way more than positive
2. Source determines weight
* Weight determines impact
* Impact determines outcome
3. Intent is irrelevant
* Our kids will feel blamed and the associated shamed when we follow an apology with an explanation of intent
* When we wound our children with our words, our apology should be immediate and short

Prioritize and invest in your family- marriage first
- [ ] Be a student of your spouse
- [ ] Speak their love language
1. Receiving gifts
2. Quality time
3. Physical touch
4. Words of affirmation
5. Acts of service
- [ ] Be your spouse’s loudest cheerleader
* Build them up, don’t tear them down
- [ ] Practice gratitude
- [ ] Harness the Ahh factor
Rules of the house
- [ ] Honor your mother
- Ex. Say “your mother values a clean room”, instead of “clean your room”
- [ ] Do not lie
- Lying breaks a relationship

When you parent with a relationship in mind corrections and consequences need to be directly linked to restoring the relationship.

[Chloe (Always Booked) · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was really good and had a few solid take aways. This book is written (and narrated) by Andy and Sandra Stanley. I love them, so take this with a grain of salt, but I thought this was really entertaining and inspiring. I do think they have a lot of unchecked privilege, but the concepts introduced didn't really relate to that so it didnt bother me. Their parenting philosophy is basically to prioritize relationships first. Make decisions based on how it will impact the relationships within the family. Their 2 rules were 1. Honor Your Mother 2. Don't lie (I forgot the exact way they worded it). By honoring your mother, you do things like clean up after yourself, etc. because it honors her. It becomes all encompassing and I like that. Lying is bad solely for the reason that it damages relationships. Yes its bad for a plethora of other reasons, but tracing back to their family values, it damages relationships. They also talk about parenting in 4 stages. The discipline stage (0-5), training stage (5-12), Coaching stage (12-18) and friendship stage (18+). I love the idea of keeping this in mind and transitioning and trusting your kids to have moved on when its time. You don't need to be constantly disciplining and completely hands on once they're 5ish-- give them a little autonomy and train, etc. I really enjoyed this book and loved that both people talked about times and areas where they messed up and it didn't come off too holier than thou.

[Graham Whittington · Rating 2 out of 5]

A parenting book for couples who met in YoungLife or maybe an SEC Greek mixer? I had no idea who the authors were and quickly into the book got that I wouldn’t love some of their takes or their approach. But I figured I should give the book a chance and not reject it just because I didn’t think I’d love the authors. And I don’t regret that, but some of this was cringe.

On the positive side, the book is very digestible and they had some solid tips. On multiple occasions, they offered ideas that sounded obnoxious at first but ultimately had some sensible grounding or transferable lessons. So there’s that.

But also the book is more heteronormative than a 90’s sitcom. Lots of defining dad and mom roles in pretty regressive ways. They acknowledge relying on some stereotypes early in the book, and that ultimately was just a ticket to write to their crowd. And the emphasis on and influence by religion is heavy heavy heavy. The last 20% of the book is about making sure your kids don’t stray from Christianity. If that’s for you, this book may be for you.

[Robin Wallace · Rating 5 out of 5]

This isn’t your traditional parenting book. It focuses on having a mindset in parenting which keeps their future relationships with you (and siblings) in mind for their entire adult lives. The author’s goal is to parent children who WANT to spend time with you even when they don’t have to. After all, the majority of their lives will be as an adult.

There are some real truth 💣 in there!

For instance, there are four stages of parenting.
1. Discipline years (0-5)
2. Training years (5-12)
3. Coaching years (12-18)
4. Friendship years (18+)

This is obviously a guideline, but trying to use discipline tactics with a teen won’t be very effective. Same with trying to train an adult child. Yeah, no. Be their friend.

So while I still have questions about day to day parenting, this definitely gave me a different mindset about the big picture!

[Charlene Miller · Rating 4 out of 5]

Written by a couple who is experienced at parenting, pastoring, and mentoring many young people, it’s a very insightful and practical read. It gives many good insights into how to reach your goals and dreams for having deep and lasting relationships with your children…relationships that last way beyond your years at home. I listened to it, but then bought a hard copy, cause there are quite a few things I want to be able to look back at.

I did react a bit to their confident approach of “do this and it’ll likely work” to achieve your goals. Maybe it’s that I didn’t feel like I heard much about how the grace of God is also what ultimately guides and leads our children towards Him?(I’m probably forgetting parts of the book!?)

But they are an experienced, seasoned voice with so much wisdom and good that I want to apply and learn from.

[Hannah Gazaway · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wish I had taken notes. This is definitely one I plan to reread. Such solid practical, put into play guidance and strategies for raising not only Christian kids but just good people. Some of the stories and suggestions felt a little self-righteous and unrelatable, but Stanley recognizes that and urges you to push past your cynical thoughts and just try it. I really enjoyed this book more than I thought I would! I have found his preaching style to be a little sarcastic and off putting - so this was a pleasant surprise.

[Eric Dewyngaert · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book that I plan to read to start each year. Andy and Sandra give several tips and ways of thinking for raising kids to find your “it” goal. Time flies by when you’re in the trenches, but it’s important to change perspective, which is exactly what this book helped me to do. It made me excited about parenting, and grateful for the opportunities. Well written and enjoyable read, I highly recommend to anyone wanting to nail the parenting thing and find your “it” goals.

[Ryan Rench · Rating 4 out of 5]

Super practical. Masterfully communicated. Typical Andy Stanley caveats to his theology, philosophy of church ministry and thus his philosophy of parenting. But his goal of parenting is a helpful metric, and his practical tips on how to make those tough decisions are quite helpful.
This one is wild enough that we won’t include it in our Resource Desk at church, but was a help to me and I will be using it for future parenting materials.

[Emily Ward · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a practical yet inspiring book. A quick listen but I often found myself wanting to pause, ponder, and practice what I was learning as I listened. Planning to return to this book in a couple years.
Disclaimer: I did not agree 100% with the Biblical interpretations of these authors (specifically the mutual submission in marriage and their view of the Bible as not the ultimate authority.) However, I find their application of parenting to be insightful.

[Kayti · Rating 5 out of 5]

Parenting to the finish line of adult friendship. This was a really great a practical book. It took me a minute to get past some of the unnecessary gender stereotyping (though the authors do address it somewhat) but those bits are just the bones around some very solidly good meat.

[Brandy Clough · Rating 5 out of 5]

MUST READ FOR ALL PARENTS!
I learned SO much from this book! It was so eye opening and gave me so much hope for my future as a parent. Relationships are everything and what’s most important. There were so many good nuggets of information, I took 18 pages of notes!

[LeAnn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Getting ‘IT’ right! I love how Andy and Sandra prioritize relationship with their kids. SO important to my husband and I also. How I wish I had this book about 15 years ago, but better now than never! We are in the thick of coaching and I appreciate the advice very much!