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The Choice Effect: Love and Commitment in an Age of Too Many Options
Love choices but hate choosing? Welcome to the club. The Choice Effect is for young women who have all the opportunities in the world and no idea how to decide among them. It’s one thing to have lots of options when it comes to fulfilling careers or traveling the world—but what does it mean for our love lives? How can you know whether you’re with the right person—or if the time is right—when you haven’t vetted the other possibilities? With hard-won insight, plus interviews with a whole host of other women who are living it, the twentysomething friends and authors of The Choice Effect explain why their generation is sidestepping traditional timelines. They look at the question of choice in the twenty-first century as they give voice to their generation’s dilemma: How do you choose when you’ve been taught you can have it all?
224 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2010
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Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews
April 15, 2019
I took a break at one point but wanted to get this off my currently reading list so took it up again. The girls/women the authors write about seem to be from the class whose parents paid their way through college so they did not have to work that part-time job while trying to study and share space with five others in the same boat. Instead they got to join sororities and party and hook up every weekend.
The girls I know from the generation she writes about didn't go through guys left and right. They didn't get to live in metropolitan cities with any number of high paying job choices and have money to backpack around the world. They were expected to get a job to start paying off their student loans and a car payment and room and board if still living at home to try and get ahead.
There are a lot of pop references, especially to the show Sex and the City. As if most women could compare themselves to the characters. Not so I'm afraid.
She writes about women who were in relationships for a number of years who then just decide that he is just not "the one". The girls I know who would dump the guy would do it for a very good reason like they finally had the courage to leave their abuser or they found out he was cheating. There is one chapter devoted to breaking up and how difficult it is. But then the next chapters go on to make it sound like a trivial matter, that these women do it all the time and they have lots more guys just waiting in the wings.
Sorry but this was just not very enlightening or realistic.
The girls I know from the generation she writes about didn't go through guys left and right. They didn't get to live in metropolitan cities with any number of high paying job choices and have money to backpack around the world. They were expected to get a job to start paying off their student loans and a car payment and room and board if still living at home to try and get ahead.
There are a lot of pop references, especially to the show Sex and the City. As if most women could compare themselves to the characters. Not so I'm afraid.
She writes about women who were in relationships for a number of years who then just decide that he is just not "the one". The girls I know who would dump the guy would do it for a very good reason like they finally had the courage to leave their abuser or they found out he was cheating. There is one chapter devoted to breaking up and how difficult it is. But then the next chapters go on to make it sound like a trivial matter, that these women do it all the time and they have lots more guys just waiting in the wings.
Sorry but this was just not very enlightening or realistic.
July 28, 2019
interesting outlook on changing social trends. However the incredibly limited perspective it is written with reads almost satirical at times.
June 9, 2013
The cover is gorgeous, but I preferred Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough by Lori Gottlieb.
I felt like this book felt a bit self congratulating rather than the wake up call it needs to be. At the end they brought up a really great point. Just because this door closed doesn't mean its the end of choice. So what that door closed a new door you didn't even see as a possibility just opened up. And that is all about prioritizing because its impossible to HAVE IT ALL. You have to figure out what you want the most out of relationships, work, and life and compromise on the things that are honestly not as important.
They also forgot that you can't just keep waiting. Through out the book I felt like they kept saying, "ITS OKAY. DON'T WORRY ABOUT YOUR LACK OF CHOOSING. It will turn out fine in the end!" Which no it won't as Lori Gottlieb found out. The longer you wait for a relationship the older you get and the less partners there are going to be because someone else is going to snatch up that guy that plays a few to many video games, but is going to be an amazing dad. Eventually you might look up and realize the endless pool of partners has been narrowed down to a little pond. Its also unfortunate, but true that women become 'less desirable' as they age. Its stupid and sexist, but its the reality. By waiting too long you in fact give yourself less choices.
I felt like this book felt a bit self congratulating rather than the wake up call it needs to be. At the end they brought up a really great point. Just because this door closed doesn't mean its the end of choice. So what that door closed a new door you didn't even see as a possibility just opened up. And that is all about prioritizing because its impossible to HAVE IT ALL. You have to figure out what you want the most out of relationships, work, and life and compromise on the things that are honestly not as important.
They also forgot that you can't just keep waiting. Through out the book I felt like they kept saying, "ITS OKAY. DON'T WORRY ABOUT YOUR LACK OF CHOOSING. It will turn out fine in the end!" Which no it won't as Lori Gottlieb found out. The longer you wait for a relationship the older you get and the less partners there are going to be because someone else is going to snatch up that guy that plays a few to many video games, but is going to be an amazing dad. Eventually you might look up and realize the endless pool of partners has been narrowed down to a little pond. Its also unfortunate, but true that women become 'less desirable' as they age. Its stupid and sexist, but its the reality. By waiting too long you in fact give yourself less choices.
January 28, 2011
"Twirl around in the confetti of choices, and let the resulting dizziness be the worst of your problems." p.199.
This was a fun book that I read at the right time. They used a very informal writing style that I didn't always enjoy. So many pop references! The Paradox of Choice was the better book on the topic but this was an easier read. I could certainly identify with a lot of what they talked about but did have a number of moments where I disagreed with their perspective.
This was a fun book that I read at the right time. They used a very informal writing style that I didn't always enjoy. So many pop references! The Paradox of Choice was the better book on the topic but this was an easier read. I could certainly identify with a lot of what they talked about but did have a number of moments where I disagreed with their perspective.
August 21, 2018
In THE CHOICE EFFECT, authors McGibbon, Vogel and Williams argue that Generation X/Y/Millennials may be the luckiest generation when it comes to life opportunities (romantic and otherwise), but that there might also be some hidden tradeoffs to our good fortune.
THE CHOICE EFFECT is a light and breezy read, deluged with amusing throwbacks and references from the 80s, 90s, and aughts. It could be a helpful and insightful read for someone trying to understand the choister generation, but I think the majority of choisters themselves are aware of the rules of this game already.
Read my summary here.
THE CHOICE EFFECT is a light and breezy read, deluged with amusing throwbacks and references from the 80s, 90s, and aughts. It could be a helpful and insightful read for someone trying to understand the choister generation, but I think the majority of choisters themselves are aware of the rules of this game already.
Read my summary here.
June 19, 2010
I could tell within a paragraph or two that I am not part of the demographic audience this book was written for, though I fall directly into the Generation Y category. This book was written to young women in their early-20s to mid-30s who - according to the authors - are paralyzed in terms of being able to make quick and solid decisions about Big Picture choices, simply because we have too many choices in life.
This book addresses our generation's inability to settle on a single career, or our hesitation in choosing a mate because we're holding out for Mr. Perfect instead of making do with "Mr. Good Enough", and postponing until later in life having children. And while none of those apply to me (I'm apparently the exception rather than the norm in getting married while still in college and not waiting long afterward to procreate) I can see this in so many of my peers.
Normally, if I'm reading a book that isn't aimed at me in some general manner, I'll give it a lower ranking, but this one rated higher for me because I couldn't stop talking to my husband about it. Because it's true: we WERE told from the moment we were born that we're special and unique and can do whatever we want precisely because we're special, and that the world is ours for the taking, and never to accept no as the final answer. We were taught - by our parents and society at large - that if life gives us limitations we need to find a way above and around them, and that we should never "settle". The authors' point that it is our plethora of choices that has given birth to a generation of young men and women who can't make decisions anymore is spot-on.
Although I'm glad I downloaded this as a free promotional Kindle book, this was an interesting read for any woman born in the mid-70s to late 80s.
This book addresses our generation's inability to settle on a single career, or our hesitation in choosing a mate because we're holding out for Mr. Perfect instead of making do with "Mr. Good Enough", and postponing until later in life having children. And while none of those apply to me (I'm apparently the exception rather than the norm in getting married while still in college and not waiting long afterward to procreate) I can see this in so many of my peers.
Normally, if I'm reading a book that isn't aimed at me in some general manner, I'll give it a lower ranking, but this one rated higher for me because I couldn't stop talking to my husband about it. Because it's true: we WERE told from the moment we were born that we're special and unique and can do whatever we want precisely because we're special, and that the world is ours for the taking, and never to accept no as the final answer. We were taught - by our parents and society at large - that if life gives us limitations we need to find a way above and around them, and that we should never "settle". The authors' point that it is our plethora of choices that has given birth to a generation of young men and women who can't make decisions anymore is spot-on.
Although I'm glad I downloaded this as a free promotional Kindle book, this was an interesting read for any woman born in the mid-70s to late 80s.
January 17, 2016
This book is a strange, scatterbrained mix of advice and anecdotes - much, I think, like the audience it's trying to market itself to. "Choisters," as they seem to define the term, are young, probably-white, probably-liberal women in their mid- to late-20s who (undoubtedly) went to some tiny artsy college, graduated with a liberal-arts degree, found they could do nothing useful with it, and decided to globetrot their way through an extended adolescence instead. The focus here is on this last stage, and why these constantly-on-the-move women with the sexual morals of toothpicks (unsurprisingly) find it difficult to find a meaningful, lasting relationship.
As I said, it's an odd sort of book: I really can't identify with the crowd to which they're writing, and I find the "advice" well-meaning but shallow. I do, however, find very interesting their argument for how our generation wound up in this situation in the first place - namely, that we collectively took the "special snowflake" childhood advice to heart, and now find ourselves too enamoured of trying to be and do everything, fully, to ever "settle down" with just one career or a handful of interests.
This isn't a very good book, but I do think it is relevant in understanding just what many of my peers navigating the post-college world are thinking and doing.
As I said, it's an odd sort of book: I really can't identify with the crowd to which they're writing, and I find the "advice" well-meaning but shallow. I do, however, find very interesting their argument for how our generation wound up in this situation in the first place - namely, that we collectively took the "special snowflake" childhood advice to heart, and now find ourselves too enamoured of trying to be and do everything, fully, to ever "settle down" with just one career or a handful of interests.
This isn't a very good book, but I do think it is relevant in understanding just what many of my peers navigating the post-college world are thinking and doing.
June 22, 2010
How and why is the current generation of twenty-somethings so different than their parents? This book explores the answer to this question, concentrating on the female perspective since the three co-authors are female, but at least partially answering the question for the male population as well.
Part academic (they provide extensive footnotes for many of their contentions) part memoir (lots of their own experiences and those of their friends and part humor (they can laugh at themselves and their peers - you will too). The pedantic will question some of their contentions ("does the average bride today really have seven bridesmaids - can I have a source please"). Everyone will question at least some of what they say. (Personally I don't see the choice to remain unmarried as a generational difference. The reasons for doing so are somewhat different for a never married twenty-something than for their divorced parents, but they are at least partially the same.) But everyone will be both entertained and enlightened (for us old folks) or validated (for those twenty-somethings who have chosen a different path than their parents).
Part academic (they provide extensive footnotes for many of their contentions) part memoir (lots of their own experiences and those of their friends and part humor (they can laugh at themselves and their peers - you will too). The pedantic will question some of their contentions ("does the average bride today really have seven bridesmaids - can I have a source please"). Everyone will question at least some of what they say. (Personally I don't see the choice to remain unmarried as a generational difference. The reasons for doing so are somewhat different for a never married twenty-something than for their divorced parents, but they are at least partially the same.) But everyone will be both entertained and enlightened (for us old folks) or validated (for those twenty-somethings who have chosen a different path than their parents).
August 14, 2010
While not exactly my point of view, an interesting (and funny!) look at the evolution of relationships in my generation. The inundation of choices our generation faces often leaves us without the ability to see which choice is the best for us or our futures in the longrun, whether it be about our majors in college, our careers after college, or our romantic partners. The authors (three worldly women who know all about Facebook, Twitter, and other current social memes) use humor to tell the tales and statistics of a generation choosing to put love on hold in order to experience all that we now have available; the world is our oyster and sometimes it's hard to share the pearl with a significant other.
Intended audience: 20-40 year old females
Intended audience: 20-40 year old females
March 4, 2011
Before reading this book I would have argued that there is very little that I have in common with the stereotypes assigned to my generation of 20-somethings. I was surprised by how much this book made me look at my life and the reasons I do things as a "choister". It also motivated me to make an effort to enjoy my 20's more rather than languishing away in full time employment and grad school. Not that those aren't important, but as a choister, I can have my cake and eat it too with a little creativity. Good read for the 20-something who is trying to fit into the "real world" and is unimpressed with the cookie cutter expectations that are found there.
April 2, 2013
This book kind of made me hate myself, as a so-called "choister". I couldn't quite figure out the point of the book, in the sense that it appeared to be trying to explain some kind of new phenomenon, but to an audience that is mainly comprised of the kind of young women the book is about. Please, tell me more about myself and people like me! I was also not a huge fan of the exceedingly casual tone, which suggested to be a lack of legitimacy to the subject. At the same time, without the chummy tone, the book would have been miserably boring.
June 25, 2010
Makes a good point that for a generation that has grown up in the age of last-minute tickets across the world, test-tube children and 10,000 brands of spagetti sauce, love for a lifetime is nerve-wracking, as in any choice when you haven't been able to see ALL your options. This new generation Loves having multiple choices-and hates choosing.
April 26, 2014
Very feminist, very 20-something literature. If you just broke up with someone or are looking for justification about the failures of your relationships, this is for you. Generation X, feminism, college life, and more. Great read, but if I didn't grow up as a 20-something in the US in the 2000s then I wouldn't like this book.
January 23, 2011
A book that explains a generation and the effect that all the choices we are given have on us. Required reading for people currently in their mid-to-late twenties and early thirties. And for their parents and grandparents who are wondering why they haven't settled down yet.
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April 11, 2010waiting for it to come out...but I know firsthand that it's wonderfully enriching...
June 21, 2010
If I hear the word "choister" one more time....
June 23, 2010
I learned about GenY -- told they could "have it all" want it all. Unable to make decisions because that might prevent them from having everything, they don't want to shut any doors.
June 23, 2010
Entertaining, quick read. Free on Kindle.
December 11, 2015
A must read for new college grads. ThThis team was the first to articulate the quarter-life crisis and deserve so much more recognition than what's come their way,
Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews