Textbook Romance: A Step-By-Step Guide To Getting The Guy

by Zoë Foster Blake, Hamish Blake

Wouldn't it be great if there was a textbook with clear lessons on clever dating and how to build that Perfect Relationship? One that tells it straight but lets you laugh at yourself too? One that leaves you with your dignity and your personality intact? There is! Zoë Foster, relationships guru, provides whip-smart step-by-step lessons in successful romancing, with male commentary from self-confessed male, Hamish Blake. From 'Never Drink and Text' to the secrets of avoiding the 'Thai and Tracksuit Pants Curse' and the meaning of 'Engaging the Apricot', Textbook Romance is essential reading for every girl looking for love that lasts.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Personal Development, Relationships

261 pages, Paperback

First published October 26, 2009

About the author

Zoë Foster Blake is an Australian author and the founder of Go-To skin care. Yes, she is writing this in third person.

Zoë writes mostly for young women, because she thinks they're wonderful and deserve nice books.

Zoë has published five fiction titles, THINGS WILL CALM DOWN SOON, AIR KISSES, PLAYING THE FIELD, THE YOUNGER MAN and THE WRONG GIRL (made into a network TV series in Australia).

Zoë has also written four non-fiction titles: a dating and relationship guide called TEXTBOOK ROMANCE, (written with Hamish Blake), AMAZINGER FACE, a compilation of beauty tips and tricks, BREAK-UP BOSS, (also an app) and LOVE!, essays from a decade spent writing relationship advice. She published CLEAN SLATE, an Audible Original about infidelity in a seemingly perfect marriage in 2020.

She also writes picture books: NO ONE LIKES A FART, which won the ABIA Children’s Picture Book of the Year in 2018 because farts are where it’s AT, BACK TO SLEEP, FART AND BURP ARE SUPERSTINKERS (titled NO ONE LIKES A BURP in the US), SCAREDY BATH, BATTLE MUM, HAPPY FARTER’S DAY, and BEST PRESENT EVER.

When she's not updating her goodreads bio she's writing her new novel, out Oct 2026.

Reviews

[Hayley Frances · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this book sloooowly as recommended by Anna and lol I wish I had read it years ago. Is everything in this book 100% good advice? No. But Zoë compensates for that by having an entire chapter at the end that says to ignore the entire book so!

She was ahead of her time!! This was written where people still said SMS yet so many of the themes still rang true. A fun and insightful read.

[Luisa Gough · Rating 1 out of 5]

I read this because it said Hamish Blake co-wrote it (he scribbles some funny bits on the side which was the highight). It was everything women need to avoid. The table of what to do re: contact on page 70? that's so over simplified and cruel. I think women need to be themselves, love themselves and the rest will fall into place. I doubt it matters who calls/texts/emails first.

[katerina · Rating 2 out of 5]

well it was certainly something

[Analeise · Rating 1 out of 5]

The ONLY reason I read this book was because we were literally ripping it up at work because it had gone over its appropriate shelf life (should’ve been my first red flag) but it’s always been a weird bucket list item of mine to read a dating book so I thought this would save me having to actually buy one, but no this actually belongs in the trash.

I tried to be open minded and understand that she was being sarcastic, but it just got worse and worse and worse and worse and worse and I barely read the last 200 pages (it’s a 250pgae book)

I will never read a book by Zoe foster Blake again, respectfully

[Kimmy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Okay, not being a person who reads a lot of the self help books I am in no way qualified to say if this particular title is a good or bad one.
Personally, as a single woman who is not actively trying to change that position, I found this book to be okay. Zoë has some great advice but it is stuff that seems a little obvious (to me). Putting an emphasis on working on yourself first, allowing yourself to be wooed and let the man hunt. To me it feels like a column in a chick magazine but with more detail and more logic.
It's a good, light read. No massively hard issues and Hamish's quips are well received and often timely.

[Caitlin Maree · Rating 1 out of 5]

Oh my golly gosh; no, just no. I read maybe a few chapters, skimmed some others, and then just read the chapters titles and was rightly offended. In her own words this book will cause you to, “... become grossly offended that a book published in the 21st century teaches women how to drag an engagement ring out of men”.

First off, this was published in 2009, and clearly Zoë and Hamish have matured since then.

Do not bother reading this book if:
A) You have a heartbeat,
B) See above.

My favourite chapter, purely for the title, was the last chapter: Ignore Everything In This Book.

If you see this book in an op shop, as I did, just leave it there. It’s not worth it.

[Lauren Taylor · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was cute, and the tidbits funny. I would be interested to see how similar this book is to her new app?

[Ness · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a freebie book in a girlie goody bag I got. It was an easy (and timely) book to read with some good tips in how to navigate one's way around the dating/relationship arena.

I especially liked the table on page 70 about the typical response times to a guy's text/email etc. I admit I am clueless about this, not wanting to appear too eager by responding too quickly, yet wanting them to know that I AM indeed interested. 'The Chase Commandments' section was interesting.

I can't say I will do everything suggested, it is a guide book after all, but the advice is based on wisdom that has helped the author's girl friends. I will definitely recommend this book friends who may want tips and hints when it comes to men.

[Cilo Muse · Rating 2 out of 5]

As 2000s how to date books go this aged with grace. Would recommend

[❁K · Rating 5 out of 5]

I unfortunately wasn't able to finish this book completely as I was only borrowing it, but I was able to skim read most of it and found it to be very informative, and had some well researched advice on dating. I do think like most things in life, it's worth researching something if you want to be good at it. After seeing a few bad eggs, I decided to look more into dating to learn more about it and that really paid off as I'm now in a happy relationship.

Some points in here I strongly agree with for the highest chances of success, the main one being how important it is to hold yourself to a high standard when dating. When I started dating at a younger age, I was relying upon someone else to be my main source of happiness, and wanting to be loved so badly lead me into relationships with people who only had their best interests at heart.

After a break up and some much needed thinking time, I was able to realise that once I found a source of happiness and purpose inside of me, dating would be much easier as I would be in control of my emotions and not need someone else to complete me, which meant that the men I was seeing would be accountable for their actions, even if I liked someone, if they weren't emotionally available I wouldn't need to waste my time pining over them.

The main take-away I got from this book was to always stick to your values, stay engaged with family and friends, and let a guy work for it, which I do agree is a successful way to embark on a relationship.

I've seen a few negative reviews about this book, because of how it's almost teaching you how to trick people into dating/marrying you, but I disagree. I do think that when it comes to dating, their is a certain chase that has to happen for it to be successful in the long-run.

Overall, I found this book very helpful. It might not be for everyone, but the parts I read I mostly agreed were good advice.

[Brittany Date · Rating 3 out of 5]

Zoe always makes me laugh with her sarcasm and her one liners, this book isn’t for everyone. For instance, grandpa you should probably put it down. There are swear words and notions of sex”. She crammed this book with practical advice about cultivating self love, knowing what you’re looking for in a relationship, relishing the chase, having boundaries, maintaining your social life and sustaining romance. There were some parts of the book I disagreed with like how women shouldn’t initiate the chase first, and men need their ego petted to be happy. It rubbed the feminist in me the wrong way, although she did have a disclaimer that those games would be great to do away with if we were all on the same emotional wavelength but acknowledged that unfortunately in the dating world that is unlikely. Zoe explores these issues with humour and breaks the topics down into simple dot points and funny hand drawn pie graphs, with added tidbits from her husband Hamish. Overall it was an interesting and enjoyable read with great pop culture references and lots of dynamics that I can relate to.

[Ashleigh · Rating 3 out of 5]

Zoë Foster-Blake's self-help dating book is guide through the early "courting" and dating phases of a relationship. This book was kindly lent to me by my good friend Majella.

I wish I read this at 17! At 25 I found this book to be common sense but there were parts that hit the nail on the head for me, leaving me thinking why hadn't I thought of that before. This book is formatted really well, set out in three parts with each chapter being a lesson. In the margins there are comments from Hamish Blake giving a male perspective. It is full of humour and wit, although some of the lessons I don't necessarily agree with (never making the first move, not living together unless you are engaged) I'm literally sitting over here single so I can't exactly say its bad advice. It is an easy book to read and it is a bit dated as it was published in 2009, there is an emphasis on calling and lack of online dating apps but I haven't let that reflect in my rating. Even so I still believe this book is relevant and I enjoyed reading it!

3.5 stars

[Brooke Hutchinson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall, a decent book that's got some golden nuggets / age-old reminders for anyone exploring the dating world.

I will say that there were some pretty old-timey projections about the male-female dynamic that didn't sit well with me, especially since this is a book that's pretty recent (at least of the 21st century recent variety).

Although, I think Zoe does have a great way of approaching the various topics and issues that arise when dating and throughout the book articulated ideas in a fun-but-firm-and-informative way. And that's pretty hard to get right when focusing on a subject matter that's been ENDLESSLY explored, exposed and elaborated on!

I'll admit, it was a nice IDEA having Hamish make annotations to add a light-hearted edge to the book. The reality, however, was that it became very annoying and quite distracting whilst reading. I ended up ignoring them for the whole second half; it felt more like a distraction to the flow of things.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

My friend gifted me this novel when I was struggling with dating and generally understanding the whole process. I enjoyed how straight Zoë is with her explanations; as someone who can get caught up in the detail, this made it refreshing for me. It provided a new perspective - one that I sorely needed - to approach dating, so for that, it was worth it. While there were some parts that I disagreed with and have chosen not to enact, I thoroughly enjoyed the Preparation chapter and "Engaging the Apricot". I still read them both when I need a timely reminder, and carry these out in my daily life - not just with dating, but with my other professional and personal relationships.

[Tan Clare · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is a fun read, as it served as a sort of "rewind through time" look, to see how far I've come. I don't exactly agree with everything in it (the concepts of 'hunting and being hunted' 'feeling like a prize won' still makes me cringe as the self-worth part is bordering on egotistical, but hey that's just my own POV, and maybe they are mere figures of speech), but on the overall, these common sense grounded guidelines do help women keep themselves peacefully anchored in life, be it with or without a man.

[Jessica Mercieca · Rating 1 out of 5]

my cat ripped this book. probably could tell the sexist views it was reinforcing. Fav being “women are simply not equipped for emotion-free, string-free, love-free sex. We’re not. Deal with it. Men, on the other hand, are.” 🙄🙄

[Alice Bloomfield · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.75 stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️✨

Is this a bit much, a bit outdated and at times tough love, yes. Can it be hard to read, also yes. Is it perfect, no, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t some wisdom to be found and sometimes being told the hard thing is whar you need.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very funny!

[Amanda E · Rating 1 out of 5]

I felt i was being talked at with very basic common knowledge, with words really written for the 'dolly' and 'girlfriend' magazine audiences.

[Martina · Rating 1 out of 5]

Yeaaah.... nah.

[Dannii Cross · Rating 2 out of 5]

Didn’t hate it, didn’t love it. Common sense stuff but also heaps I didn’t agree with too.

[Scarlett · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not worth the paper it is printed on

[Shannon Conway · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great look at a female and male perspective on datings

[Sarah Hourigan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Probably needed this, boss ass bitchhhh ✌🏼🕺🏽

[Jacquie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Predictable and sort of not very useful for today's modern era. I didn't resonate with their advice, some yes, but all in all too predictable.

[Susie Anderson · Rating 3 out of 5]

it's common sense, but is it? I feel like girls should be issued this at age 13, again at 18, 21, 24 and 26 for reinforcement about things like if he gives you an inch, don't take a mile. it's good to be reminded of basic biological differences between the sexes, and some interesting suggestions that I will test. but as the final chapter says, everyone and every relationship or situation is different. main thing that bothered me was it is overwhelmingly hetero normative and there are some sneaky ableist slurs and other language that I feel like we weren't using in 2009. it was a real throwback to days of reading dolly in the library on the junior site when I was 14 years old when we didn't know better. they should revise it and take out all the mental health commentary/slurs and add in a chapter on tinder. plus I have to say Hamish I think he is darling but those asides were boring, the summaries at end of each chapter redeemed his contributions

[Vlady Peters · Rating 5 out of 5]

A practical, entertaining book – written from a woman’s perspective – which every woman interested in men should read.

By and large women were designed practical and sensible. Had to be. They were responsible for bringing another human being into the world. And to ensure safety of both there was the man standing at the entrance of the cave with a mighty cudgel in his hand. If she were clever, and had the option, she would have picked the biggest bruiser she could find.

Times have changed. Needs and wants are different. But the woman still makes choices, and if she uses both her brain, which she undoubtedly has, and listens to her instincts, she’ll make the right choice.

Unlike the woman who meets her one and only in a pub and is shocked and dismayed to find after the ‘I do’ event, that the man is a committed drinker. The only time you see him without a glass in his hand is when he’s asleep in a drunken stupor.

Or the woman who’s one and only is highly entertaining, articulate, delightful to listen to. By his own accounts he could put the world to rights in five minutes flat. However, ask him to change a light bulb that’s died, and it’s pretty much scratch the head and pray for assistance to the God of lightbulbs.

Choosing the man of your dreams is a choice, like any other choice. And this book shows you how to make the right choice.

[Belinda · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book took me a long time to get through, mostly because I'm not actually in a relationship, nor really seeking one, and it seemed to be mostly a common sense book. Love yourself before you love anyone else, don't be easy, don't be crazy, don't make him your life. This is stuff our mums and friends tell us when we fall in and out of relationships, but I guess people need to read this from a more "authoritative" source.

On the plus side, Zoe Foster is a likable author, and only occasionally comes off as slightly smug. The main reason I brought this book was for the insights offered by Hamish Blake who always makes me laugh. He certainly didn't let me down on this score, but there's a reason it took me a month to get through a reasonably charismatic book. I guess if you're the kind of person to get a lot out of reading these books, then you'll really enjoy Textbook Romance, but this is going on my shelf in the unlikely scenario I'll find myself sobbing into a packet of Tim-Tams and wanting to know where I went wrong.

[Aysha McCall · Rating 5 out of 5]

After a really bad relationship I found this book and honestly have recommended it to so many friends struggling in the dating department.
I implemented these rules into my own dating and as much as they may feel like “games” unfortunately these may be the necessary thing not to get the guy, but to get the guy to respect you.
Using this rules I managed to sift out guys that would have had some really bad qualities as a boyfriend (e.g. possessiveness and suspiciousness when you weren’t available to them on their time) as well as getting rid of guys that clearly weren’t up for the chase.
It’s modern, it’s entertaining and funny and it’s invaluable dating advice that I wish I had had sooner that reminds women to ensure they receive the respect any partner deserves in a relationship.

[Esther · Rating 3 out of 5]

The Text Book Romance is a great read for a girl who is looking to find that ‘one guy’ Foster’s usage of facts figures, as well as graphs is a great way to show readers how to capture the interest of a guy and keep him keen, ‘Engaging the Apricot’ as well as the witty comments of Hamish Blake making it a light hearted yet factual read. A quirky and laugh out loud read, I would recommend The Text Book Romance to any teenage girl or older woman who is looking for that ‘Mr Right’.