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The Power of Positive Confrontation (The Skills you need to know to handle conflicts at work, at hom
Book by Barbara Pachter
288 pages, Hardcover
First published October 31, 1999
94 people are currently reading
709 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 48 reviews
March 20, 2019
I like this book. It’s very practically helpful. We all need to confront others at some point in our lives. An annoying coworker, an unfair performance review, an unreasonable case settlement.....so many unpleasant moments when we can not back off. This book coaches us to use “WAC technique” to handle these confrontation and achieve our goals. “W” means what is bothering you. “A” means asking for a behavior change, and “C” means checking in to be sure the other person hears you. Not only confrontation method, time, location, contextual situations these factors all matter. The author thoughtfully equips us with the vocabulary to address the situation in a “polite and powerful” way. What impresses me most is the damage of self-discounting phrases, which I use constantly. “I think””Maybe” “I am sorry but ..(when I don’t mean it and when I have nothing to apologize for)” these words will diminish positive words and undermine intent to be powerful. Need to keep in mind!
September 3, 2024
Very helpful and easy to read!☺️
March 19, 2018
read as audiobook.
September 29, 2014
It took me a long time to get through this book, but I think it has a ton of wonderful information. Now to apply some of the stuff to real life events.
July 7, 2020
كتاب مفيد جدا يساعد على كيفية مواجهة الآخرين بما لا يعجبك بطريقة محترمة
January 30, 2022
This is a good book, it's fine, but it's also very annoying. I am terrified of confrontation, and when I do have it, it usually sends panic through my body. This book definitely has good information in it. But it's also got a tone or a vibe that I just really dislike, but I'm not sure I can put my finger on exactly what it is. Here's an example:
"Be careful if emailing from your smartphone. You may want to wait until you're back at your computer and can write carefully and without distraction. One woman emailed a thank-you note after a job interview from her phone, but forgot it was an email and used text shortcuts. She told me she didn't get the job as a result."
It's just . . . annoying. She forgot? She used text shortcuts? Like "sup guys, happy 2 interview w yall today!!! thx!" No she didn't. This didn't happen. And the last sentence, the scoldingness, the I-told-you-so of it all. Just annoying. Does that makes sense?
Or like, "An American pharmaceutical VP met his counterpart from Japan. When he received the man's business card, he proceeded to pick his teeth with it. That's considered rude behavior in the United States, but very offensive in Japan. This executive made a bad impression and damaged their working relationship."
...What? Why did you include this anecdote? Picking your teeth with a business card is a strange, bizarre thing to do and it's not like it's culturally acceptable in the US but it's right in a section talking about cultural differences. Why did you include this anecdote? It's irrelevant. Trying to make a word count, or what?
Also, I'm going to take this opportunity to complain about people who automatically say that hard conversations should be had in person and not in writing and then the FIRST REASON WHY is because if you say something in writing, it's there forever. So are we routinely saying things we shouldn't be in speech? Because if there's nothing problematic about the conversation, then . . . why would it even begin to be a problem that there's a record of it? In fact, isn't that a good thing? Evidence, proof, of exactly what was said so there is *never* a he-said/she-said situation. I am frequently baffled by people's insistence that difficult conversations be had in person or on the phone. I am full of anxiety. Difficult conversations mean my language skills are going to diminish, and my anxiety will take over. If I am allowed the time and space to type, revise and consider, what I end up saying will be more thought out and accurate than anything I ever could've said in person. Must be a neurodivergent thing. In fact I know it is. And this book is written by a neurotypical. There's many other instances of the book landing on the wrong side of equity issues, but that's not really what the book is about. It's a product of the times.
Anyway, it's fine, but I won't hang onto it. It has good advice. I just don't like it.
"Be careful if emailing from your smartphone. You may want to wait until you're back at your computer and can write carefully and without distraction. One woman emailed a thank-you note after a job interview from her phone, but forgot it was an email and used text shortcuts. She told me she didn't get the job as a result."
It's just . . . annoying. She forgot? She used text shortcuts? Like "sup guys, happy 2 interview w yall today!!! thx!" No she didn't. This didn't happen. And the last sentence, the scoldingness, the I-told-you-so of it all. Just annoying. Does that makes sense?
Or like, "An American pharmaceutical VP met his counterpart from Japan. When he received the man's business card, he proceeded to pick his teeth with it. That's considered rude behavior in the United States, but very offensive in Japan. This executive made a bad impression and damaged their working relationship."
...What? Why did you include this anecdote? Picking your teeth with a business card is a strange, bizarre thing to do and it's not like it's culturally acceptable in the US but it's right in a section talking about cultural differences. Why did you include this anecdote? It's irrelevant. Trying to make a word count, or what?
Also, I'm going to take this opportunity to complain about people who automatically say that hard conversations should be had in person and not in writing and then the FIRST REASON WHY is because if you say something in writing, it's there forever. So are we routinely saying things we shouldn't be in speech? Because if there's nothing problematic about the conversation, then . . . why would it even begin to be a problem that there's a record of it? In fact, isn't that a good thing? Evidence, proof, of exactly what was said so there is *never* a he-said/she-said situation. I am frequently baffled by people's insistence that difficult conversations be had in person or on the phone. I am full of anxiety. Difficult conversations mean my language skills are going to diminish, and my anxiety will take over. If I am allowed the time and space to type, revise and consider, what I end up saying will be more thought out and accurate than anything I ever could've said in person. Must be a neurodivergent thing. In fact I know it is. And this book is written by a neurotypical. There's many other instances of the book landing on the wrong side of equity issues, but that's not really what the book is about. It's a product of the times.
Anyway, it's fine, but I won't hang onto it. It has good advice. I just don't like it.
August 10, 2023
"The Power of Positive Confrontation" by Barbara Pachter is a guide to effectively addressing conflicts and difficult conversations in a positive and constructive manner. Pachter provides practical advice on how to navigate challenging situations while maintaining professionalism and respect. Here are three key takeaways from the book:
Constructive Communication: Pachter emphasizes the importance of open and honest communication when addressing conflicts. Instead of avoiding or escalating issues, she advocates for positive confrontation – a way of addressing problems directly and assertively while remaining respectful. The book provides strategies for choosing the right time and place for conversations, using "I" statements to express feelings, and actively listening to the other party's perspective. By focusing on clear, respectful communication, individuals can prevent misunderstandings and foster productive discussions.
Conflict Resolution Skills: The book offers a range of techniques and skills for resolving conflicts in a positive and collaborative manner. Pachter provides guidance on managing emotions, handling difficult personalities, and finding common ground. She introduces the concept of the "5-step process," which involves clarifying the issue, acknowledging feelings, sharing your viewpoint, negotiating solutions, and creating a plan of action. These steps help individuals approach conflicts with a structured approach, leading to more effective resolutions and strengthened relationships.
Professional Development: Beyond conflict resolution, Pachter's book emphasizes the broader impact of positive confrontation on personal and professional growth. Engaging in open conversations and addressing conflicts constructively can lead to improved teamwork, increased self-confidence, and enhanced problem-solving skills. The book encourages readers to see confrontations as opportunities for growth rather than obstacles to be avoided. By mastering the art of positive confrontation, individuals can build stronger relationships and thrive in their careers.
In summary, "The Power of Positive Confrontation" offers practical advice for navigating conflicts and challenging conversations in a way that promotes understanding and resolution. The book equips readers with communication skills and strategies to handle difficult situations while maintaining professionalism and fostering positive outcomes.
Constructive Communication: Pachter emphasizes the importance of open and honest communication when addressing conflicts. Instead of avoiding or escalating issues, she advocates for positive confrontation – a way of addressing problems directly and assertively while remaining respectful. The book provides strategies for choosing the right time and place for conversations, using "I" statements to express feelings, and actively listening to the other party's perspective. By focusing on clear, respectful communication, individuals can prevent misunderstandings and foster productive discussions.
Conflict Resolution Skills: The book offers a range of techniques and skills for resolving conflicts in a positive and collaborative manner. Pachter provides guidance on managing emotions, handling difficult personalities, and finding common ground. She introduces the concept of the "5-step process," which involves clarifying the issue, acknowledging feelings, sharing your viewpoint, negotiating solutions, and creating a plan of action. These steps help individuals approach conflicts with a structured approach, leading to more effective resolutions and strengthened relationships.
Professional Development: Beyond conflict resolution, Pachter's book emphasizes the broader impact of positive confrontation on personal and professional growth. Engaging in open conversations and addressing conflicts constructively can lead to improved teamwork, increased self-confidence, and enhanced problem-solving skills. The book encourages readers to see confrontations as opportunities for growth rather than obstacles to be avoided. By mastering the art of positive confrontation, individuals can build stronger relationships and thrive in their careers.
In summary, "The Power of Positive Confrontation" offers practical advice for navigating conflicts and challenging conversations in a way that promotes understanding and resolution. The book equips readers with communication skills and strategies to handle difficult situations while maintaining professionalism and fostering positive outcomes.
October 19, 2021
this was fine and cute and had some great charts & acronyms for things. However, it is also a book that suffers from thinking it is more than what it really is: a long article or blog post or two. Of course, at 256 pages or what have you it's also incredibly reductive; so while cultural differences are addressed while considering what is meant by "positive confrontation" and the behaviors that might warrant such a thing, it's used in this kind of "oh we don't do that here" way rather than opening up the conversation about how to best figure out what is confrontable and what is a tricky multicultural issue (and actually something that likely could use a book treatment). Anyway, some useful methods in very very very plain terms.
October 9, 2020
WAC’em
I learned some new things about etiquette in today’s business world, how to stand up for myself without being overbearing. I will look forward to implementing this new found knowledge and hopefully coming out more successful than previous attempts. Where I just ended up a dry with no solution. If this is for personal growth socially or professionally I recommend this to help with most situations.
I learned some new things about etiquette in today’s business world, how to stand up for myself without being overbearing. I will look forward to implementing this new found knowledge and hopefully coming out more successful than previous attempts. Where I just ended up a dry with no solution. If this is for personal growth socially or professionally I recommend this to help with most situations.
May 5, 2021
FINALLY a good self help book. I feel like I read 99 bad ones for one good one. This one actually describes HOW TO FIX THE PROBLEM. Instead of multiple chapters going on and on and on about the problem and why you need to fix it but never really offering any solutions, this one immediately digs in and gives multiple solutions to a wide variety of issues including a worksheet to help.
December 26, 2020
Another ok book that could have been a great article. Too redundant, despite some really useful advice about how to be Polite and Powerful when confronting inappropriate behavior. It should be required reading for every manager, especially new ones.
December 3, 2023
So many pages and so little said. The countless examples for every tiny element she introduces are so unnecessary.
And don't get me started on her "verbal and non-verbal communication tips", that were just racism, classism, sexism, ableism... disguised as assertiveness.
And don't get me started on her "verbal and non-verbal communication tips", that were just racism, classism, sexism, ableism... disguised as assertiveness.
August 27, 2024
Recommended to me by a therapist. I think the WAC em method is really intuitive and helpful. However I felt that a lot of the book was common sense to me and unhelpful. Great if you’re really struggling with conflict avoidance/being overly aggressive.
May 9, 2025
Good information in this book. Clear and usable tips on communication. Easy to read. Some of the examples are dated and almost too many gender stereotypes- might be illuminating for men but I got tired of be reminded about the way women typically are. Overall glad I read the book.
July 16, 2019
Wac 'em skills are awesome! Great reading on developing skills for polite and powerful behavior.
July 24, 2019
Excellent book! Helped me to not feel guilty when confronting someone or to ask for what I really want. I could definitely recommend this book!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 9, 2019
I need this book at this time. It helped guide me though a productive discussion with a coworker. I was able to address a sensitive issue and still remain friend.
October 3, 2020
Chapter 6 is all you really need.
March 30, 2021
كتاب مفيد جدًّا، ساعدني شخصيًّا بحلِّ خلافاتي و مشاكلي مع من حولي، مأخذي الوحيد أنّ الكاتبةَ أكثرت من تناولِ القصصِ كمثال مما يسبِّلُ المللَ غالبًا.
عمومًا محتواه الإثرائي مفيدٌ جدًّا و منظّم.
عمومًا محتواه الإثرائي مفيدٌ جدًّا و منظّم.
April 13, 2021
Read for work, easy read and gives good step by step instructions as well as scenarios
October 4, 2022
مفيد لكن فيه كثير من التكرار
December 4, 2024
Not earth-shattering. And any book that opens with 'if you read my book, you'll be an amazing person' gives me pause that nothing said will likely be life-altering.
Read
May 9, 2025DNF - 28%
June 22, 2025
I think this is a great book to learn how to talk to people and develop some social skills.
February 2, 2021
Love this book!! It's clear, it makes sense and easy to follow.
Covers other information like business etiquette, cultural communication differences, body language, etc.
8 hour audio book
Covers other information like business etiquette, cultural communication differences, body language, etc.
8 hour audio book
March 16, 2018
Too long and wordy by half, this book suffers from an identity crisis. On the one hand, it's so basic, especially towards the end, that I can't imagine why it was on the business shelf. On the other hand, the subject matter and presentation are clearly geared toward business. It's mostly good advice, but stuff any person with even a smidgen of self-awareness already knows. Victim-types like woe-is-me housewives will have no reason to read this book, and veteran business people will find it too basic. One thing for sure, the author repeats her catchphrase "Polite and Powerful" waaayyyyyyyy too many times. And the whole first chapter is an endless litany of repetition telling us how much this book can do for us.
And she completely ignores the fact that sometimes, social niceties at the office compel us to use words that, according to this book, make us appear "weak."
She needed a heavier hand on the editing, frequently overstating simple concepts. But the worst thing was the obvious pimping of her "Polite and Powerful" and the "WAC'm" acronym for possible add-ons and sequels to this book. It became annoying almost immediately.
And she completely ignores the fact that sometimes, social niceties at the office compel us to use words that, according to this book, make us appear "weak."
She needed a heavier hand on the editing, frequently overstating simple concepts. But the worst thing was the obvious pimping of her "Polite and Powerful" and the "WAC'm" acronym for possible add-ons and sequels to this book. It became annoying almost immediately.
January 31, 2014
This book has been the most useful self-help book I have read. The material is useful for those in and out of the work force. I found the instruction useful for family confrontations as well as those confrontations that occur outside of the home. The information is clear and flows smoothly. The language is simple. The process is logical. Not only does the book address confrontations that might occur face to face, it deals with issues that arise through email and phone conversations. Even if you think you are masterful in confrontational situations, you will benefit from this book, because it will help you understand why others may struggle. You will learn how to respond to people that are jerks, and you will learn to recognize who is a jerk and who is just confused.
February 8, 2016
Ha, honestly, these books just make me feel bad about myself. I'm usually very anti-self-help, but I don't want to turn away from anything that may help me overcome a weakness.
The book basically confirmed that I suck at confrontation (yeah, I'm aware, thanks) and laid out a few "helpful" suggestions. Like other books in this genre, it could have sufficed as an article instead of a full fledged book and been just as powerful; there were a few good gold bits in here, but not much that 1) even a confrontation-disabled person like me didn't know, or 2) I haven't been told before. It got 2 stars instead of 1 because I don't know that it could have been really successful on any level. I think this just confirmed that I need to suck it up and get better with practice.
The book basically confirmed that I suck at confrontation (yeah, I'm aware, thanks) and laid out a few "helpful" suggestions. Like other books in this genre, it could have sufficed as an article instead of a full fledged book and been just as powerful; there were a few good gold bits in here, but not much that 1) even a confrontation-disabled person like me didn't know, or 2) I haven't been told before. It got 2 stars instead of 1 because I don't know that it could have been really successful on any level. I think this just confirmed that I need to suck it up and get better with practice.
July 28, 2019
A very useful and easy-to-read book on how to deal with confrontation in a positive and respectful way. The author is great at analyzing why people are so bad at confrontations, and offers a step-by-step sequence of actions that you can take followed by real-life examples. It was so easy to relate to the author’s analysis and the examples she gave. The only limitation would be the ability to start out, practice, get feedback and follow through with what you read in the book (but that’s not the author’s fault).
February 24, 2009
This book was a quick read full of informative facts on how to better confront people. The book also had other pointers on how to be a better professional as well.
Lots of the information I figured would already be known to people in the working world. I guess I was wrong!
Anyway, this book and the author are pretty good.
Lots of the information I figured would already be known to people in the working world. I guess I was wrong!
Anyway, this book and the author are pretty good.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 48 reviews