Courage Party, The: Helping Our Resilient Children Understand and Survive Sexual Assault

by Joyce Brabner

The Courage Party is a "gently explicit" book about sexual abuse, written for kids to read alone or (better) with a "good grownup."  Parental guide included. After escaping a playground predator, a little girl learns to understand what happened and how to carry herself with pride and conviction after five older women organize a "Courage Party" for her and share stories from their own lives. Interactions with police, pediatricians, prosecutors, victim advocates, a community rape crisis center and courthouse are depicted as young Danielle learns she is more than a survivor. She is a "crime fighter," powered by her own truthfulness and courage, able to protect other kids in the park, with many good grownups on her side.Based on a true story, Dani's own good grownup talks in the margins to parents about key ending conflicting messages ("You didn't do anything wrong.  But don't tell anybody!"); understanding the difference between loving adult sexual intercourse and sexual abuse; interacting with authorities; and helping your child deal with malicious gossip, taunts and jeers.Written by award-winning non-fiction graphic novelist Joyce Brabner with an assist from Danielle and illustrated by Gerta Oparaku. Both Joyce and Danielle were first introduced in Harvey Pekar's autobio series American Splendor and the movie of that same name.

248 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 16, 2020

About the author

Joyce Brabner and her family are the subject of the 2004 HBO film American Splendor about her and her late-husband, Harvey Pekar, and their life spent expanding the comic book medium beyond superheroes. She is the author of numerous books, including Our Cancer Year and nonfiction comic collaborations with Alan Moore, among many others. She lives in Cleveland, OH.

Reviews

[K.R. Green · Rating 5 out of 5]

As an educator who works with children experiencing mental health difficulties, I try to be aware of the resources available to support uncomfortable conversations.

As a personal story, this is a raw, honest, and appropriately-detailed exploration of how people can feel afraid and how telling a trusted adult is the best advice for resolving things and keeping everyone safe.

I would say that there were places in Danielle’s story where I felt the words could have been clearer. As realistic as actual words are, I did need to read a few paragraphs multiple times to make sense of the events.

My one critique is that a lot of emphasis is put on the fighting back and getting away. I appreciate that this is one person’s story, and appreciate that some other examples are given within it, however I feel that for a child who had not ‘fought back’ immediately, the emphasis could lead to feelings of guilt or not being strong enough / not doing the right thing by staying quiet.

The part about court and how to access support after was very clear and the message to keep telling until an adult believes you is a huge positive. Finding that one good grownup is a powerful message, and having been trained as a Trusted Adult Worker by my local Crime Commission myself, it’s exactly what every child should know to do.

We as a society definitely do send conflicting messages and this would be a great book for an adult or parent to read who wants to understand how to explore this topic.

We need to speak up more to reduce the stigma and support our fellow good grownups to have the right tools for these conversations.

[Raven Black · Rating 3 out of 5]

A thinking book. A modern book. An idea book. A book that has situations of sexual assault (on adults and minors). It is a book about the system. It is a book about healing. It is a book that is for everyone and nobody. It is a book you need to know your audience for. The author and her daughter have no secrets from each other or you the reader. It will bring out the feelings (all the feelings). The Good. The Bad. The Ugly. You will be sad, proud, happy, maybe even a little confused. Tips for grownups (or if the kids want to read them as well). There are questions to think and talk about. Take your time, do not rush, as the subject isn't easy. And sometimes the pacing is a bit slow. There will be thinks you like, dislike, agree with and disagree with. It is an experience book. The illustrations compliment the text (though available I read via an online reader copy which had pink as the main color, but I have seen purple as well in another setting, therefore I am not sure how the books final art is). A book that cannot really be rated as each section had it's own rating for me, therefore, this is the average of all the pieces.

[Blue]

Really glad this exists! Not giving a star rating because it doesn't feel right to quantify a story like this.

A really moving account of one child's experience with sexual assault, and most importantly, with how the adults in her life stepped up to support her, love her, and protect her sense of self. The actual courage party is such a beautiful example of how to gather people together and use symbolism and personal narrative for both individual and collective healing. I learned a lot from that

I will say, if you're looking for a book that is critical of the criminal punishment system, this is not the one. Cops are featured quite a bit and depicted as trustworthy, heroic and protective of children. The protagonist is also frequently told that she is a "crime fighter" as a positive framing of her bravery in the face of a terrible, scary situation. Obviously as an adult I can take what I like and leave the rest, but I'd definitely want to prepare additional conversation points if I read this with a kid

[Jaina Bee · Rating 5 out of 5]

We all need "a Joyce" in our lives— a "good grown-up" who can help kids understand and cope with challenging experiences in a healthy way. This warm and friendly family book directly addresses the scary and confusing experience of childhood sexual assault with honesty and clarity, without the slightest trace of condescension. I mean, this is Joyce Brabner! The focus is on the strength and courage of the survivor; recognizing and celebrating it with a courage party! The fun, colorful illustrations support and expand upon the plainly and calmly told details of this true story. The book answers many many questions about the many levels of coping with an assault, from telling a "good grownup," through the legal and medical process—including a great resources section and a glossary— and all the way to moving on with life and being a playful kid again. I wish this book had been around when i was a kid. I think every home needs a copy of this.

[Sandy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This difficult but, sadly, necessary book is written in a remarkably caring way. In it, the author, her daughter, and their friends share stories of sexual abuse and assault and survival. The author is working to give children who have been assaulted or abused a way to talk about their stories and let go of any shame they might feel. The concept of a "Courage Party" is to celebrate the bravery that is required to tell a trusted adult about something bad that has been done to them. Rather than hiding the experience away, keeping it secret and shameful, the child can be empowered and supported by others who can understand what they have been through.
The book is written and illustrated so that both children and adults - parents, teachers, counselors - can read it, alone or together.

[Siarra · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book for children to read, alone or with a "good adult" that addresses sexual assault in an age appropriate, non-shaming way that they can understand.

It's a fantastic book. And it's something I'd recommend for adult readers as well, because our society sometimes needs things explained to us in a way our child-selves can understand.

[Li · Rating 5 out of 5]

A practical guide. Not a scary book. Helps children understand the language and words they need to use to explain their experiences to others in a straightforward way. Also shows what are normal, supportive behaviors from trusted adults who want to make sure you’re safe (ie testing for STDs and checking for physical harm in the wake of assault)

Some great new ideas: reframing victimhood into crime fighting. Ritualization through Courage parties. Sharing survivor stories amongst each other in an age appropriate way.

I also liked how the book touched on how being able to speak our truth actually sometimes brings other folks onto our side, and that can help further our search for justice.

That being said, I was a little skeptical of depicting the police as being helpful in this matter.