In the first four sentences, the word "home" is used three times. There is entirely too much "walk us through it" going on; "He kicked the door shut, took off his shoes, placed his keys in a bowl by the table, poured himself a drink, looked around his living room, hung up his coat, fed his cat, looked out his window", etc. You know what I'm talking about. I don't need to know a character's every movement, especially when your story is less than 30 pages in length. Theo's sob story is ridiculous (not that parents don't abandon their children, but what mother would actually write a note to her ten-year-old stating he's old enough to take care of himself?). His adoptive parents disowned him, but somehow he was still in contact with them? Sorry, that's not how that works. Christian's entry and declaration gave me whiplash,
Oh yeah, and Christian was a
"brotha from the hood
? Really?