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What Matters Most: Living a More Considered Life
Why are we here? What is the meaning of existence? What truly matters the most in life? We have all felt the looming presence of these questions, but it's never easy to examine our life's path and its meaning. To begin finding answers, we must start by exploring our own internal ideals, values, and beliefs. Taking a fresh look at the concept of happiness, James Hollis encourages you to learn to tolerate ambiguity, embrace growth over security, engage spiritual crisis, and acknowledge the shadow of mortality. Providing inspiring wisdom and personal reflections to address our deepest worries, What Matters Most will help you get to the heart of the matter, to discover what it means to truly live life to its fullest, most meaningful state - as fully engaged citizens of the world - and to risk being who you really are.
288 pages, Paperback
First published December 1, 2008
283 people are currently reading
2490 people want to read
About the author
James Hollis
53 books941 followersJames Hollis, Ph. D., was born in Springfield, Illinois, and graduated from Manchester University in 1962 and Drew University in 1967. He taught Humanities 26 years in various colleges and universities before retraining as a Jungian analyst at the Jung Institute of Zurich, Switzerland (1977-82). He is presently a licensed Jungian analyst in private practice in Washington, D.C. He served as Executive Director of the Jung Educational Center in Houston, Texas for many years and now was Executive Director of the Jung Society of Washington until 2019, and now serves on the JSW Board of Directors. He is a retired Senior Training Analyst for the Inter-Regional Society of Jungian Analysts, was first Director of Training of the Philadelphia Jung Institute, and is Vice-President Emeritus of the Philemon Foundation. Additionally he is a Professor of Jungian Studies for Saybrook University of San Francisco/Houston.
He lives with his wife Jill, an artist and retired therapist, in Washington, DC. Together they have three living children and eight grand-children.
He has written a total of seventeen books, which have been translated into Swedish, Russian, German, Spanish, French, Hungarian, Portuguese, Turkish, Italian, Korean, Finnish, Romanian, Bulgarian, Farsi, Japanese, Greek, Chinese, Serbian, Latvian, Ukranian and Czech.
He lives with his wife Jill, an artist and retired therapist, in Washington, DC. Together they have three living children and eight grand-children.
He has written a total of seventeen books, which have been translated into Swedish, Russian, German, Spanish, French, Hungarian, Portuguese, Turkish, Italian, Korean, Finnish, Romanian, Bulgarian, Farsi, Japanese, Greek, Chinese, Serbian, Latvian, Ukranian and Czech.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 78 reviews
May 10, 2012
Loved this book. Love James Hollis. What I like best about Hollis is his wry, honest approach to the challenges of facing life with courage and compassion. This is the opposite of "pop self-help." Hollis says that life is messy...failure is not only possible but necessary...and we're all very likely to face middle age with a sense that we've climbed the ladder of success, only to discover that the ladder is up against the wrong building. I come back to this book again and again for its wisdom and humanity.
October 21, 2009
It's true that Hollis seems stuck on large, obscure words most of us have never heard, let alone used. However all this dies down by the second half of the book, so hang in there.
Hollis is, in my opinion, the Jungian who makes Jung most accessible to the general public. His message in this book, that we are all called to be who our psyche/soul summons us to be, entails, of course, a complex, tortuous journey. Ultimately, the goal in life is not happiness, but meaning.
Hollis is, in my opinion, the Jungian who makes Jung most accessible to the general public. His message in this book, that we are all called to be who our psyche/soul summons us to be, entails, of course, a complex, tortuous journey. Ultimately, the goal in life is not happiness, but meaning.
March 31, 2010
In this day of managed care, few people can afford more than short term crisis oriented psychotherapy. The profound value of Hollis's writings is that he provides the type of wisdom and insight characteristic of long term psychodynamic therapy. In "What Matter's Most", Hollis looks at the subject of happiness without the cliche written vocabulary typical of recent self help books on happiness. He encourages readers to find their essence and to live life to its fullest, being true to their own ideals, values and beliefs.
August 19, 2019
James Hollis’s What Matters Most is a lively piece of nonfiction that pulled me in different directions. Written in a style that is energetic but deeply affected, the book is a series of essays that reflect on the nature of human existence and the ways in which we might lead better or worse lives. One would be foolish to deny that there’s a lot of useful lessons buried in these pages, but their potency is diluted by the frustrating influence of psychoanalytic ideology.
Intellectual consonance with the psychoanalytic tradition has always been a challenge for me, and I found Hollis’s Jungian frameworks off-putting in the same ways I’ve come to expect from similar thinkers. While Jungians seem at least slightly saner than Freudians, they still traffic in the same anachronistic concepts that modern science has exposed as either oversimplifications of more complex phenomena or complete folderol. The book is riddled with hapless descents into dream analysis, vague analyses of the “psyche,” and anecdotes from Hollis’s professional practice that are likely to annoy readers who haven’t already drunk the psychoanalytic Kool-Aid.
The most bothersome aspect of What Matters Most is how Hollis employs the concept of the psyche/Self/soul to generate an oppositional relationship between the reader and his/her sense of personal identity. This antiquated approach pits each person against some “essential” version of themselves that exists “down deep” and contains the keys to our liberation and growth. For example:
"When life is lived in accord with the psyche’s intent, we experience inner harmony, supportive energy, feeling confirmation, and we experience our lives as meaningful. When we, or the world, violate the intent of the psyche, we suffer symptoms; we pathologize on personal or collective bases." (35)
This classic intellectual ploy is designed to convince people that there’s something inside of us that knows intuitively how our lives ought to be led, and that living well is largely a matter of “listening hard enough” to that internal compass––whatever that means. It can be a comforting thought, but it falls apart in the context of modern psychology and neuroscience, which render impotent the assertion of a “true self” that speaks to us through the language of mental “symptoms” or “pathologies.” More importantly, this perspective can be dangerous when taken seriously because it privileges personal introspection (highly unreliable and endlessly biased) over information and feedback from the outside world (still often unreliable but generally less so).
Here’s another instance of the same problem:
"We are subject to the conditions fate presents to us––our genetics, our family of origins and its core dynamics, and our zeitgeist. All of these settings embody messages, and demand a measure of compliance…These necessary internalizations of messages, these adaptations to their demands, these scripts, mean that we progressively lose contact with our own instinctual guidance. Thus, for most of us, the issue of 'permission' to be who we are––separate, distinct, individual sojourners with differing goals––remains denied within." (64-5)
Here again, we encounter the conceptual splitting of identity: Alien, “internalized messages” conflict with the native, “instinctual guidance” to which we ought to be more attentive. To Hollis, the conditions of life are outside of (and often opposed to) who we “really are”––the purest version of ourselves that will blossom if we can only manage to let it out.
In my experience, constructing identity this way generates an unnecessary and distracting fiction. Within this fiction, life becomes an inevitable and permanent struggle between the demands of the world and the demands of the psyche, instead of a journey in which we are invited to realize that the psyche is illusory, and that the process of engaging with and responding to life’s conditions is all we are. This revelation can be upsetting and difficult to put into practice, but it’s the only way I know of to escape the confining idea that the path to freedom is to make the world accommodate our psyche’s desires and intentions. Instead, we should give up any commitment to the psyche and embrace the impermanent, transient natures of both our world and ourselves.
This fallacious distinction pervades What Matters Most, making it a less enlightening and more confusing book than it needs to be. The good news is that Hollis’s text still contains a healthy dose of genuine wisdom. His intellectual roots are impressively eclectic, revealing a keen understanding of how mythology and symbolism affect our notions of the ineluctable and the possible:
"No one lives without myth. Anyone who thinks so is very unconscious. The only question is what mythologies, what fragments, what admonitions, what retreats or flights, what tropic desires have sovereignty in our lives and make our choices for us." (161)
The place where Hollis’s worldview resonates most profoundly with mine is his advocacy for a vigorous relationship with the lived experiences of ambiguity, mystery, loss and death:
"An ability to tolerate the anxiety generated by ambiguity is what allows us to respect, engage, and grow from our repeated, daily encounters with the essential mysteries of life. But the payoff goes even further. Certainty begets stagnation, but ambiguity pulls us deeper into life. Unchallenged conviction begets rigidity, which begets regression; but ambiguity opens us to discovery, complexity, and therefore growth. The health of our culture, and the magnitude of our personal journeys, require that we learn to tolerate ambiguity, in service to a larger life." (27)
"We are challenged to live forward––toward and through the many deaths that meet us on a daily basis. Throughout our history, every growth, every change of developmental significance, has been accompanied by a loss of some kind, a price to be paid for the next step of the journey. Whether it was learning to cross the street on our own, learning to take care of ourselves when no one else would, or at this moment learning to stand honestly before loss and death, we grow, paradoxically, by losing something." (224-5)
"In the end, our lives will be governed by mysteries, not certainties. In the end, whatever is larger than our constructs and beliefs and denials, will prove most worthy of our respect, our humility, and our considered beliefs. This is the experience of meaning. If we want our lives to be meaningful, we need to understand that meaning will not be found through any arrival at certainty, for any place we settle will soon prove inadequate. Meaning will arise from sundry departures from certainties, obligatory deaths and rebirths, and surprising new arrivals from which, then, new departures perforce persist. This is meaning." (230, emphasis his)
Clearly a compassionate and observant fellow, Hollis has spent a long career trying to help people improve their lives––or at least their relationship with the idea of being alive. What Matters Most is an expression of that desire to help. While I don’t share some of Hollis’s fundamental assumptions, I find no quarrel with his underlying motivations.
This review was originally published on my blog, words&dirt.
Intellectual consonance with the psychoanalytic tradition has always been a challenge for me, and I found Hollis’s Jungian frameworks off-putting in the same ways I’ve come to expect from similar thinkers. While Jungians seem at least slightly saner than Freudians, they still traffic in the same anachronistic concepts that modern science has exposed as either oversimplifications of more complex phenomena or complete folderol. The book is riddled with hapless descents into dream analysis, vague analyses of the “psyche,” and anecdotes from Hollis’s professional practice that are likely to annoy readers who haven’t already drunk the psychoanalytic Kool-Aid.
The most bothersome aspect of What Matters Most is how Hollis employs the concept of the psyche/Self/soul to generate an oppositional relationship between the reader and his/her sense of personal identity. This antiquated approach pits each person against some “essential” version of themselves that exists “down deep” and contains the keys to our liberation and growth. For example:
"When life is lived in accord with the psyche’s intent, we experience inner harmony, supportive energy, feeling confirmation, and we experience our lives as meaningful. When we, or the world, violate the intent of the psyche, we suffer symptoms; we pathologize on personal or collective bases." (35)
This classic intellectual ploy is designed to convince people that there’s something inside of us that knows intuitively how our lives ought to be led, and that living well is largely a matter of “listening hard enough” to that internal compass––whatever that means. It can be a comforting thought, but it falls apart in the context of modern psychology and neuroscience, which render impotent the assertion of a “true self” that speaks to us through the language of mental “symptoms” or “pathologies.” More importantly, this perspective can be dangerous when taken seriously because it privileges personal introspection (highly unreliable and endlessly biased) over information and feedback from the outside world (still often unreliable but generally less so).
Here’s another instance of the same problem:
"We are subject to the conditions fate presents to us––our genetics, our family of origins and its core dynamics, and our zeitgeist. All of these settings embody messages, and demand a measure of compliance…These necessary internalizations of messages, these adaptations to their demands, these scripts, mean that we progressively lose contact with our own instinctual guidance. Thus, for most of us, the issue of 'permission' to be who we are––separate, distinct, individual sojourners with differing goals––remains denied within." (64-5)
Here again, we encounter the conceptual splitting of identity: Alien, “internalized messages” conflict with the native, “instinctual guidance” to which we ought to be more attentive. To Hollis, the conditions of life are outside of (and often opposed to) who we “really are”––the purest version of ourselves that will blossom if we can only manage to let it out.
In my experience, constructing identity this way generates an unnecessary and distracting fiction. Within this fiction, life becomes an inevitable and permanent struggle between the demands of the world and the demands of the psyche, instead of a journey in which we are invited to realize that the psyche is illusory, and that the process of engaging with and responding to life’s conditions is all we are. This revelation can be upsetting and difficult to put into practice, but it’s the only way I know of to escape the confining idea that the path to freedom is to make the world accommodate our psyche’s desires and intentions. Instead, we should give up any commitment to the psyche and embrace the impermanent, transient natures of both our world and ourselves.
This fallacious distinction pervades What Matters Most, making it a less enlightening and more confusing book than it needs to be. The good news is that Hollis’s text still contains a healthy dose of genuine wisdom. His intellectual roots are impressively eclectic, revealing a keen understanding of how mythology and symbolism affect our notions of the ineluctable and the possible:
"No one lives without myth. Anyone who thinks so is very unconscious. The only question is what mythologies, what fragments, what admonitions, what retreats or flights, what tropic desires have sovereignty in our lives and make our choices for us." (161)
The place where Hollis’s worldview resonates most profoundly with mine is his advocacy for a vigorous relationship with the lived experiences of ambiguity, mystery, loss and death:
"An ability to tolerate the anxiety generated by ambiguity is what allows us to respect, engage, and grow from our repeated, daily encounters with the essential mysteries of life. But the payoff goes even further. Certainty begets stagnation, but ambiguity pulls us deeper into life. Unchallenged conviction begets rigidity, which begets regression; but ambiguity opens us to discovery, complexity, and therefore growth. The health of our culture, and the magnitude of our personal journeys, require that we learn to tolerate ambiguity, in service to a larger life." (27)
"We are challenged to live forward––toward and through the many deaths that meet us on a daily basis. Throughout our history, every growth, every change of developmental significance, has been accompanied by a loss of some kind, a price to be paid for the next step of the journey. Whether it was learning to cross the street on our own, learning to take care of ourselves when no one else would, or at this moment learning to stand honestly before loss and death, we grow, paradoxically, by losing something." (224-5)
"In the end, our lives will be governed by mysteries, not certainties. In the end, whatever is larger than our constructs and beliefs and denials, will prove most worthy of our respect, our humility, and our considered beliefs. This is the experience of meaning. If we want our lives to be meaningful, we need to understand that meaning will not be found through any arrival at certainty, for any place we settle will soon prove inadequate. Meaning will arise from sundry departures from certainties, obligatory deaths and rebirths, and surprising new arrivals from which, then, new departures perforce persist. This is meaning." (230, emphasis his)
Clearly a compassionate and observant fellow, Hollis has spent a long career trying to help people improve their lives––or at least their relationship with the idea of being alive. What Matters Most is an expression of that desire to help. While I don’t share some of Hollis’s fundamental assumptions, I find no quarrel with his underlying motivations.
This review was originally published on my blog, words&dirt.
July 26, 2010
Dense food for thought that needs rereading to further absorb. Heavily influenced by Jung, this collection of reflections is about, among other things, escaping the comfort of well-worn scripts that mollify the ego, in order to live the fullest life one has available.
June 9, 2020
There's an awful lot to like about this book, but it's not a straightforward read. Hollis seems to relish obscure words and his text isn't always easy to parse: as Benjamin Disraeli once said of William Gladstone, he seems at times almost "inebriated with the exuberance of his own verbosity". Having said which, it's a style thing, and it perhaps made me slow down my reading and forced me to engage more with the meaning, which was all to the good, as there's a lot to engage with here.
When I started reading, I knew nothing of Hollis, nor of his other books, so I didn't realise that he was by trade a distinguished psychoanalyst in the Jungian tradition. This soon becomes evident, as a lot of the book centres around the kinds of myths by which we live our lives, and the potential to transform ourselves (or at least our view of ourselves) by engaging with those myths:
I was new to a lot of this, and really enjoyed the discussion. It's about how you confront the world:
That's our challenge, then. We must continue to show up, to face our difficulties, our boredom, our anxieties, and to live so our "daily discipline becomes: That Life Not Be Governed by Fear". Scattered throughout the book are anecdotes taken from Hollis's clients, which speak to these deep concerns and to the undercurrents of our lives:
It's about understanding our anxieties and our neurosis. Our daily lives tend to become "anxiety management systems", but are to deeply buried that we don't even know that this is what we're doing, nor quite the extent to which we're doing it. None of which is easy. In fact, in many ways it wasn't meant to be easy - and anyone who tells you different is selling somehting:
Ultimately, we must become larger people - "step into largeness", living life by verbs (actions we take), not nouns (things we own, or static truths). Or we can choose not to do that, and live instead on the scraps from the tables of other lives, which we falsely imagine somehow to be more meaningful than our own:
It's our choice, though. Growth, or security - you can't have both. It's clear which Hollis is striving for, and although he offers us no "ten steps" or "twelve rules", no map at all, he perhaps is offering us a compass that will give us our heading, as we cross whatever terrain our lives hold.
When I started reading, I knew nothing of Hollis, nor of his other books, so I didn't realise that he was by trade a distinguished psychoanalyst in the Jungian tradition. This soon becomes evident, as a lot of the book centres around the kinds of myths by which we live our lives, and the potential to transform ourselves (or at least our view of ourselves) by engaging with those myths:
"We are all exiles, whether we know it or not, for who among us feels truly, vitally linked to the four great orders of mystery: the cosmos, nature, the tribe, and self?"
I was new to a lot of this, and really enjoyed the discussion. It's about how you confront the world:
"The dragon shows up every day, no worse for the wear, and ready to scare you back into a corner of your life, to swallow you, and to annihilate the life energy you are supposed to incarnate in this world."
That's our challenge, then. We must continue to show up, to face our difficulties, our boredom, our anxieties, and to live so our "daily discipline becomes: That Life Not Be Governed by Fear". Scattered throughout the book are anecdotes taken from Hollis's clients, which speak to these deep concerns and to the undercurrents of our lives:
Angela walks away from her marriage of twenty years. Safe, secure, valued by all, including her husband, she walks away. Why? When asked, she mumbles, “I wanted to know that I wasn’t dead yet.”
It's about understanding our anxieties and our neurosis. Our daily lives tend to become "anxiety management systems", but are to deeply buried that we don't even know that this is what we're doing, nor quite the extent to which we're doing it. None of which is easy. In fact, in many ways it wasn't meant to be easy - and anyone who tells you different is selling somehting:
"Why do we have psychologists in the media who conveniently fail to verify the contradictions with which we all daily live, the necessary suffering that is a by-product of real life, rather than suggest that three easy steps will bring us happiness and material affluence
Ultimately, we must become larger people - "step into largeness", living life by verbs (actions we take), not nouns (things we own, or static truths). Or we can choose not to do that, and live instead on the scraps from the tables of other lives, which we falsely imagine somehow to be more meaningful than our own:
"The world is full of people droning on, sitting before the telly or the Internet, waiting to die, living only for small sensations of scandal or vicarious catastrophe that they can witness from afar."
It's our choice, though. Growth, or security - you can't have both. It's clear which Hollis is striving for, and although he offers us no "ten steps" or "twelve rules", no map at all, he perhaps is offering us a compass that will give us our heading, as we cross whatever terrain our lives hold.
August 9, 2016
This is my second James Hollis book and will end up being part of my collection of his books - I shall probably get them all. I have found a voice in Hollis which resonates deeply within me. The Jungian perspective that informs his analytical mind and his own philosophy on life based upon his own experiences and those of his clients make him such an interesting read. Interesting and equally challenging. I am still a novice with regard to many of the Jungian concepts but this does not prevent my ability to follow what Hollis suggests about how we feel about our life and the mystery that lies just below our conscious understanding. For all his honest and realistic approaches to the difficulties that we face in life he offers hope for those of us seeking meaning in life. However, there is no silver bullet and certainly no easy answers. But, that is what I think resonates so deeply within me in ways that the normal self-help genre don't.
His writings, and this book is no exception, seems to focus on helping us to consider the relationship with have with ourselves. It's about recognising the fears that may be stopping us from achieving our full potential in life. We also have to face the possibility that what we have become may be the biggest obstacle in our life's later journey. "The second half of life is a summons to the life of the spirit. To ask and answer for ourselves, uniquely, separately, what matters most." We have to choose between growth and security - we cannot have both. To opt for security means that "we slip back into harbour, unpack our precious cargo and die."
The ache that we have for 'home' that pulling sense of nostalgia towards a sense of understanding and peace needs to be reconsidered. "Our journey is our home, not the locale where we carry out our life."
"The world is full of signs and the wise will begin to see them...
To have risked being who we really are is finally, what matters most."
His writings, and this book is no exception, seems to focus on helping us to consider the relationship with have with ourselves. It's about recognising the fears that may be stopping us from achieving our full potential in life. We also have to face the possibility that what we have become may be the biggest obstacle in our life's later journey. "The second half of life is a summons to the life of the spirit. To ask and answer for ourselves, uniquely, separately, what matters most." We have to choose between growth and security - we cannot have both. To opt for security means that "we slip back into harbour, unpack our precious cargo and die."
The ache that we have for 'home' that pulling sense of nostalgia towards a sense of understanding and peace needs to be reconsidered. "Our journey is our home, not the locale where we carry out our life."
"The world is full of signs and the wise will begin to see them...
To have risked being who we really are is finally, what matters most."
April 10, 2016
This book is a very explorative answer to the millions of questions no doubt posed by those in the "second half" of life. The answer? Ambiguity. Plain and simple. Life is the journey and listening for the calling(s) in your life is all the answer that you need.
Hollis explains that the first half of life is dealing with the outside world and outside achievements. That could be gettiing married, having a family, education, obtaining a paying job perhaps. The second half is the philosophical journey within. The meaning of all of it. Most importantly listening to that voice inside that gently (at first) tells you where you need to go. Then, of course, the consequences that occur when that voice isn't listened to. Think of metaphorical bricks being thrown at your head. Also realizing that there may be numerous callings at all times in your life, even the first half. However, also realizing that once that calling is answered then you move on to the next one and you keep going and keep going until the day you die. Never stagnant or remaining in one place.
A worthwhile companion to this method of thought is Joseph Campbell's "Hero with a Thousand Faces" which introduces the same concept and discusses it through mythology and religion. The hero's journey. The overall message, the hero lies in each of us.
Hollis explains that the first half of life is dealing with the outside world and outside achievements. That could be gettiing married, having a family, education, obtaining a paying job perhaps. The second half is the philosophical journey within. The meaning of all of it. Most importantly listening to that voice inside that gently (at first) tells you where you need to go. Then, of course, the consequences that occur when that voice isn't listened to. Think of metaphorical bricks being thrown at your head. Also realizing that there may be numerous callings at all times in your life, even the first half. However, also realizing that once that calling is answered then you move on to the next one and you keep going and keep going until the day you die. Never stagnant or remaining in one place.
A worthwhile companion to this method of thought is Joseph Campbell's "Hero with a Thousand Faces" which introduces the same concept and discusses it through mythology and religion. The hero's journey. The overall message, the hero lies in each of us.
July 2, 2010
James Hollis - a jungian psychiatrist discusses the challenges facing adults in the "second half of life". We spend the first half of life fulfilling the prescribed roles and responsibilities given to us by our family, culture and society. We spend the second half dealing with fall out from those roles and trying to bring authenticity and integrity to our lives. A very helpful book
March 27, 2017
This book could have done with some serious editing and killing of darlings. At times one gets very tired of private observations and assumptions and the language, literature cited and so on. Having said that there is still enough wisdom in this book to easily make it worth your while. Hence 4 stars.
July 18, 2010
One of the most helpful books I've read in a long time.
May 11, 2025
The best spiritual/philisophical book I have read!
I was actually excited as I read this book because the author is very modern in his looking at life- something that most authors lack when writing about life directions and other profound insights.
I was very happy to see the author address men and their issues in particular as this is often absent from previous books I have read.
A very deep read, but a great one worth the effort that these books often require. Especially poignant for people now in their second half of life.
I was actually excited as I read this book because the author is very modern in his looking at life- something that most authors lack when writing about life directions and other profound insights.
I was very happy to see the author address men and their issues in particular as this is often absent from previous books I have read.
A very deep read, but a great one worth the effort that these books often require. Especially poignant for people now in their second half of life.
October 5, 2023
I'll reread when I'm 40
December 25, 2021
The first book I ever read by Hollis. Amazing stuff. It's like Joseph Campbell but with more practical application and clearer explanations. But even better than that. Consider this paragraph:
If the images presented to us by our culture in fact fed the soul, we would not hunger so much. If they linked us to the divine realm, connected us in compelling ways to our tribe, or buttressed out spirits on this perilous journey, we would not be so hungry, would not have to turn to such trivializing pursuits as casinos and mega-churches, whose Sunday extravaganzas are more often choreographed show business than humbling engagement with the mystery of being.
I mean really? How is everyone not reading this man by now?!
If the images presented to us by our culture in fact fed the soul, we would not hunger so much. If they linked us to the divine realm, connected us in compelling ways to our tribe, or buttressed out spirits on this perilous journey, we would not be so hungry, would not have to turn to such trivializing pursuits as casinos and mega-churches, whose Sunday extravaganzas are more often choreographed show business than humbling engagement with the mystery of being.
I mean really? How is everyone not reading this man by now?!
January 4, 2023
Interesting concepts about living life fully in second part of life and searching for the truth of what really matters spiritually so that you can be fulfilled and live out your true purpose in life. Very wordy in parts. Lots of references to Freud, Jung and several theologians.
Currently reading
March 5, 2018This is the March 2018 selection of South Austin Spiritual Book Group.
December 4, 2010
The author of more than a dozen books, James Hollis, Ph.D., teaches at the Jung Center of Houston and is a distinguished faculty member of the Saybrook Graduate School in San Francisco. In this book he shares his thoughts about finding meaning in your life. His discussion of how going through difficult times can actually be very liberating resonated with me because that's exactly what I experienced. Having lived through something you think is going to kill you and you survive, gives me a whole new perspective on the everyday stresses and problems.
At the end of the book, he talks about how we are mortal beings, who have a short time on this earth and don't really know what lies beyond. This fact is what gives our lives meaning. What are we going to do with that time? How can we make a difference? It's a thought-provoing book that will yield more nuggets of knowledge on a second reading. If you're interested in living a more considered life, I think you'd like to add this book to your collection.
At the end of the book, he talks about how we are mortal beings, who have a short time on this earth and don't really know what lies beyond. This fact is what gives our lives meaning. What are we going to do with that time? How can we make a difference? It's a thought-provoing book that will yield more nuggets of knowledge on a second reading. If you're interested in living a more considered life, I think you'd like to add this book to your collection.
Read
February 5, 2017Difficult and challenging read. But makes you think if you can persevere. Offers 11 notions to us for consideration especially into your mature years. I wrote a 'digest' of this book and still refer to it along with Comte-Sponville's, A Short Treatise on the Great Virtues.
I'm not happy with his entire book: a bit too wordy and self-indulgent in showing his vocabulary, and as a Jungian psychologist, a bit too much religiosity for my taste. I'm more of a biological materialist when it comes to concepts of consciousness and the soul. But he does have some catchy phrases to challenge your thinking about life: Do not be governed by fear; To feed the soul is to pay attention to our essence; To respect, even deliberately respond to, the power of Eros; To step into largeness.
"does this choice enlarge me or diminish me?"
But as Sponville advises, virtue is only virtuous in the acting. So to have a more considered life, you must have the courage to act on some of these principles.
I'm not happy with his entire book: a bit too wordy and self-indulgent in showing his vocabulary, and as a Jungian psychologist, a bit too much religiosity for my taste. I'm more of a biological materialist when it comes to concepts of consciousness and the soul. But he does have some catchy phrases to challenge your thinking about life: Do not be governed by fear; To feed the soul is to pay attention to our essence; To respect, even deliberately respond to, the power of Eros; To step into largeness.
"does this choice enlarge me or diminish me?"
But as Sponville advises, virtue is only virtuous in the acting. So to have a more considered life, you must have the courage to act on some of these principles.
July 4, 2022
Paraphrased from Chapter 3, but I think this captures the spirit of the book: "Soul is the literal translation of the Greek word psyche; it is inherently indefinable but is a word, a metaphor, to describe what we consider to be our essence. It is the energy that blows through us, that enters us at birth, animates our journey, and then departs, wither we know not, at our passing. As the brain is the organ of thought, and the heart the organ of circulation, and the stomach the organ of digestion, so the soul is the organ of meaning. When life is lived in accord with psyche’s intent, we experience inner harmony, supportive energy, feeling confirmation, and we experience our lives as meaningful. When we, or the world, violate the intent of psyche, we suffer symptoms; we pathologize on personal or collective bases."
October 29, 2012
This is a thoughtful consideration for people who are entering the second part of life. Once work has been established and perhaps family has been raised, what really matters? I find myself thinking that life's good surprises are over (all that is left are the sad surprises) and I find myself stumbling with "Is that all there is?". Hollis has written an accessible guide to the post 50 years old time. I think the thing that got me the most was his encouragement to make friends with ambiguity, to reconsider the earlier programming that put me where I am in life, and to be more comfortable with growth over security. Hard tasks all.
October 7, 2015
My Bro:The more the conscious mind in out of sync with, our gods inspired subconscious, the more likely we'll be sad.
For me:
that there are enough warning signs for me anyway from my inner gods(dangerous to speak for the poverty stricken person in Manila) to step up and take action.
But still have permission to fail, not doing it perfectly and see if someone else can at least appreciate my attempt.
"What matters most" for me is the attempt to step up!
For me:
that there are enough warning signs for me anyway from my inner gods(dangerous to speak for the poverty stricken person in Manila) to step up and take action.
But still have permission to fail, not doing it perfectly and see if someone else can at least appreciate my attempt.
"What matters most" for me is the attempt to step up!
June 5, 2009
I listened to the audio version and would probably have been turned off by the book due to it's big words and flowery discussion however, there were a lot of nuggets of truth that made me stop the CD and jot down the line for future reference. Once my library gets a hard copy I want to take my time and read it slowly to gain it's full value.
January 15, 2009
Hollis is a contemporary philosopher who sometimes uses a number of words I have never heard of. He sheds a lot of useful light, however, on issues that are timeless such as living with purpose and reframing our own mortality. Take your time with this one.
March 25, 2011
I saw James Hollis speak at a Jungian conference and he is brilliant. This book is about living a life that matters and cutting through the dross. In other words, how to live a soulful life.
March 12, 2012
The beginning of this book was rough, but once I got into it I was totally absorbed. Gave much food for thought.
August 18, 2014
Another must-read by James Hollis.
November 28, 2015
meaning is for people who don't get much pleasure. this book is for us.
April 24, 2018
What is it that prevents psychologists from talking like lay people? I think Jung has wonderful things to say, but I'd think they could be said in simpler words.
May 20, 2018
Affirms what the heart already knows.
A book for people who wish to live fully into this one "precious life" we've been given and find out life's course.
A book for people who wish to live fully into this one "precious life" we've been given and find out life's course.
September 27, 2025
As usual, this is a tremendous read from James Hollis. Here are my crib notes on the overall message of "what matters most".
1. Refuse a fear-run life; use the “larger or smaller?” test
Fear quietly steers decisions. A quick test—“Will this make me larger or smaller?”—keeps you oriented toward growth.
• Spot fear’s disguises: over-planning, people-pleasing, cynicism, perfectionism.
• Ask the question for big and small choices.
• Choose options that expand capacity and responsibility, even when uncomfortable.
• Review outcomes: “larger” choices raise energy, honesty, and self-respect.
2. Midlife is a permission project: claim inner authority
The second half of life invites you to stop borrowing scripts and start living your own values.
• Name the roles and rules you inherited; keep what’s true, retire what isn’t.
• Replace “Am I allowed?” with “Am I willing to own the consequences?”
• Say no to roles that no longer fit; say yes to work that uses your full stature.
• Treat ambivalence as data, not a stop sign.
3. Symptoms are messages, not malfunctions
When you stray from what matters, psyche speaks through anxiety, depression, restlessness, or compulsions.
• Ask, “If this symptom had a voice, what would it ask for?”
• Track repeating dreams, cravings, and irritations; they point to neglected needs.
• Change life at the level of meaning (work, love, creativity), not just management.
• Expect relief to follow realignment more than suppression.
4. Unexamined complexes run the show; make them conscious
Early adaptations harden into invisible rules like “don’t need,” “earn love,” or “stay small.”
• Identify your top recurring patterns and the fear beneath each.
• Catch activation cues (tight chest, urgency, shutdown).
• Pause and choose based on current values, not old survival strategies.
• Log small wins; repetition rewires the default.
5. Choose growth over comfort—tolerate ambiguity and own responsibility
Maturity prefers authentic difficulty to inauthentic ease.
• Expect uncertainty; trade predictability for aliveness when they conflict.
• Own your choices—no outsourcing to fate, markets, or family myths.
• Take graded risks: one courageous act each week builds capacity.
• Distinguish fatigue (normal) from depletion (a sign of self-betrayal).
6. Track meaning by energy and reciprocity
What matters returns energy over time and invites mutual nourishment.
• Weekly check-in: What gave energy? What drained it? What was mutual?
• Prioritize commitments that renew you after effort, not just excite you beforehand.
• Separate intensity (thrill) from meaning (sustained vitality).
• Design rhythms of work, rest, and play that refill the well.
7. Balance Eros (connection) and Logos (clarity)
A larger life holds relatedness and differentiation together.
• In relationships: pair warmth with boundaries; protect the true “yes” with a clear “no.”
• In decisions: consult both evidence and intuition; notice what’s underused.
• Schedule solitude (self-definition) and communion (belonging).
• Use conflict to refine truth without breaking connection.
8. Serve from wholeness, not self-erasure
Real service starts with fidelity to your vocation; self-neglect masquerading as generosity eventually harms everyone.
• Audit your giving: chosen or compelled by guilt and approval?
• Put your oxygen mask on first—sleep, food, movement, creative time.
• Contribute where your best strengths are needed, not where appeasement is quickest.
• Allow some disappointment from others; it’s the cost of honest service.
9. Growth requires grief and releasing blame
Moving forward means letting go of the wish for a different past and the hope that someone else will fix it.
• Name the losses (illusions, time, caretaking fantasies) and grieve them.
• Retire resentments; convert that energy into boundaries and plans.
• Shift from “Why me?” to “Given this, what’s mine to do now?”
• Mark transitions with simple rituals—letters unsent, objects returned, places revisited.
10. Stepping into your full magnitude is your best gift
Living large isn’t narcissism; it’s how your contribution lands cleanly.
• Find where you still hide; take one concrete action to show up there.
• Build both craft and character so your gifts are reliable, not just dramatic.
• Choose communities that celebrate expansion, not merely compliance.
• Measure success by congruence: how closely your days match your values.
1. Refuse a fear-run life; use the “larger or smaller?” test
Fear quietly steers decisions. A quick test—“Will this make me larger or smaller?”—keeps you oriented toward growth.
• Spot fear’s disguises: over-planning, people-pleasing, cynicism, perfectionism.
• Ask the question for big and small choices.
• Choose options that expand capacity and responsibility, even when uncomfortable.
• Review outcomes: “larger” choices raise energy, honesty, and self-respect.
2. Midlife is a permission project: claim inner authority
The second half of life invites you to stop borrowing scripts and start living your own values.
• Name the roles and rules you inherited; keep what’s true, retire what isn’t.
• Replace “Am I allowed?” with “Am I willing to own the consequences?”
• Say no to roles that no longer fit; say yes to work that uses your full stature.
• Treat ambivalence as data, not a stop sign.
3. Symptoms are messages, not malfunctions
When you stray from what matters, psyche speaks through anxiety, depression, restlessness, or compulsions.
• Ask, “If this symptom had a voice, what would it ask for?”
• Track repeating dreams, cravings, and irritations; they point to neglected needs.
• Change life at the level of meaning (work, love, creativity), not just management.
• Expect relief to follow realignment more than suppression.
4. Unexamined complexes run the show; make them conscious
Early adaptations harden into invisible rules like “don’t need,” “earn love,” or “stay small.”
• Identify your top recurring patterns and the fear beneath each.
• Catch activation cues (tight chest, urgency, shutdown).
• Pause and choose based on current values, not old survival strategies.
• Log small wins; repetition rewires the default.
5. Choose growth over comfort—tolerate ambiguity and own responsibility
Maturity prefers authentic difficulty to inauthentic ease.
• Expect uncertainty; trade predictability for aliveness when they conflict.
• Own your choices—no outsourcing to fate, markets, or family myths.
• Take graded risks: one courageous act each week builds capacity.
• Distinguish fatigue (normal) from depletion (a sign of self-betrayal).
6. Track meaning by energy and reciprocity
What matters returns energy over time and invites mutual nourishment.
• Weekly check-in: What gave energy? What drained it? What was mutual?
• Prioritize commitments that renew you after effort, not just excite you beforehand.
• Separate intensity (thrill) from meaning (sustained vitality).
• Design rhythms of work, rest, and play that refill the well.
7. Balance Eros (connection) and Logos (clarity)
A larger life holds relatedness and differentiation together.
• In relationships: pair warmth with boundaries; protect the true “yes” with a clear “no.”
• In decisions: consult both evidence and intuition; notice what’s underused.
• Schedule solitude (self-definition) and communion (belonging).
• Use conflict to refine truth without breaking connection.
8. Serve from wholeness, not self-erasure
Real service starts with fidelity to your vocation; self-neglect masquerading as generosity eventually harms everyone.
• Audit your giving: chosen or compelled by guilt and approval?
• Put your oxygen mask on first—sleep, food, movement, creative time.
• Contribute where your best strengths are needed, not where appeasement is quickest.
• Allow some disappointment from others; it’s the cost of honest service.
9. Growth requires grief and releasing blame
Moving forward means letting go of the wish for a different past and the hope that someone else will fix it.
• Name the losses (illusions, time, caretaking fantasies) and grieve them.
• Retire resentments; convert that energy into boundaries and plans.
• Shift from “Why me?” to “Given this, what’s mine to do now?”
• Mark transitions with simple rituals—letters unsent, objects returned, places revisited.
10. Stepping into your full magnitude is your best gift
Living large isn’t narcissism; it’s how your contribution lands cleanly.
• Find where you still hide; take one concrete action to show up there.
• Build both craft and character so your gifts are reliable, not just dramatic.
• Choose communities that celebrate expansion, not merely compliance.
• Measure success by congruence: how closely your days match your values.
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