Men Without Friends: A Guide to Developing Lasting Relationships

by David W. Smith

Friendship Inventory for Men OnlyDo you have any friends—men—who allow you to be yourself and who stand behind you regardless of your social status, occupation, or situation?Do you ever let yourself show emotions, such as fear or sadness, in front of those friends?Do they feel close enough to you to offer advice or to come to you for counsel?Do you respect your friends' opinions and beliefs, even when you disagree?If you have a falling out with a friend, do you take the initiative to resolve the problem?If the men you call friends really are friends, your answers to these questions should have been "yes," according to David W. Smith. He says, "Men usually don't know how to keep a friendship once they have one, so they rarely benefit from whatever friendships they have. What men have with other men is generally a coworker or buddy relationship, not a friendship."Men Without Friends looks at the components of mutual loyalty, mutual commitment, mutual interests, mutual acceptance, personal enjoyment, and unconditional love. It challenges you to build friendships that will stand the test of time, and "be there" through the ups an downs of life.

227 pages, Paperback

First published May 1, 1990

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.

Reviews

[Phobean · Rating 3 out of 5]

Although I am neither a (straight, white) man, nor a Christian, I found this book a thoughtful, worthwhile read. I have always placed great value on friendship, although I understand (and greatly regret) that our culture often works to devalue friendship -particularly between men. The author, in explaining why men's friendships with other men are important, touches on marriage, loneliness, fears of perceived homosexuality, and the difficulty of cross-sex friendships. Additionally, I found it curious to read his outsider (but not hostile) view of feminism, and to take the quiet, somewhat dry but still telling "quizzes" about my comfort level with my friendships.

In my younger days, I read many books on friendship, but I don't recall them discussing how Americans are largely touch-deprived, or the ways in which our modern culture is driving American couples to attempt to be one another's sole source for emotional needs and output. Perhaps these aren't new ideas, but it seems to me that they are rarely discussed. (When was the last time you saw a MSN or Yahoo pop news "study" on touch-deprived men?) I think encouraging rich and emotionally-satisfying friendships, particularly between men (and in defiance of our ceaselessly competitive-culture), is a conversation we need to have on both the small-community and national level. This book, despite its limitations, is a solid place to begin.