If Only

by Becky Citra

Fifteen-year-old Pam is assaulted when she and her twin brother, Danny, are walking home through the woods. Danny is frozen with fear and does nothing; luckily, Pam is rescued by a woman out walking her dog. Pam deals with the trauma by isolating herself while Danny struggles with the shame of not protecting his sister. His shame is compounded by their father's contempt, and Danny decides to redeem himself by finding Pam's attacker. In the process, he discovers a family secret, and Pam connects with new friends who help her regain her confidence.

Genres: Young Adult, Fiction

238 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 1, 2013

Reviews

[Shelley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Twins are supposed to be bonded like no other people. But Danny and Pam have a chance encounter with danger one night; it seems they may be divided forever. Walking home after a movie, Danny has someone hold a knife to him and then they turn and attack his sister. Though Pam survives the attack with minor physical injuries, she has plenty of mental ones left to deal with, and so does Danny.

The guilt they both feel over the event leaves them feeling divided. Danny feels there is more he should have done to protect Pam and he feels ashamed. Pam can’t help but feel if she had dressed differently or if she had acted some other way, that she would not have been a victim that night. Pam refuses to go to school for weeks, and she notices that not one of her “friends” has tried to see if she was okay. The more Danny and Pam are drawn into themselves the further they get from ever being close again.

This book really examines an attack from multiple points of view. Sometimes victims have a hard time understanding they are not the only ones affected by the attack and many times they are not the only victim. In this story, the brother is just as much a victim because of what happened to his sister and what part he had to play in that event. When you go farther into the family history, you find the attack even affects their father from memories in his past. But through the hardship, this family just might find a way to come out better than they were before. A very moving and enlightening story about survival and family.

[Merrilyn Tucker · Rating 3 out of 5]

This story, set in the 1960s, features Danny and Pam, high school aged twins, who live with their widower father in Canada. Their story is told in alternating voices: Danny's chapters are told in the third person and Pam's in the first person. When Danny and Pam are walking home one day on the railroad trail, a man attacks them and rips off Pam's blouse. Fortunately, a neighbor's dog, Prince, comes to the rescue, bringing with him his owner, Carol, who becomes a family friend. Pam is traumatized after the attack and Danny is mortified that he didn't help his sister. Pam stays out of school for a few days to recover, but the time off does not help. A girl reaches out to her and they become friends, which helps Pam's re-entry to school. The premise is that Pam wants to experiment with being the popular girl by wearing miniskirts and make-up, whereas her twin, Danny, is content with his one best friend, Hugh. Too many complications are brought into the story: model airplanes, hippies, mean girls, marijuana smoking, grandfather with Alzheimer's, alcoholic father, and so on, but none of these are resolved and they do not move the story along.

[Danielle · Rating 3 out of 5]

I couldn't put this book down. Danny and Pam were appealing as characters, and I could feel for both of them in this tragic situation. The book had a satisfying ending. It took me a while to get used to the point of view in this story, and I often forgot that it was based in the 60s, but otherwise, it was a very interesting story.

[Suzanne Montigny · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another great read by Becky Citra

An awesome read. Pam is assaulted and her twin brother feels guilty because he couldn’t protect her. Interesting twists and turns and revelation of a family secret. I really enjoyed this story.

[Nancy · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book fell short. It felt like something was missing. The time era didn't feel right. The switch from first person to third person perspective did not work. The pace was also very slow with no real excitement or emotion.

[Sophia Joy · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was a good book, however the story moved along at a slow pace.

[Amy Mathers · Rating 3 out of 5]

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