100 Tales from Australia's Most Haunted Places

by Ben Pobjie

In 100 Tales from Australia’s Most Haunted Places, Ben Pobjie communes with the spirit world to reveal Australia’s most spooky stories. From the ghostly black horse of Sutton Forest to the Pollman of the Murdering Sandhills, the spectral headless horsemen of the Riverina to Dr Blood of North Kapunda Hotel (yes, his name really was Dr Blood), this book will send a shiver down your spine. Best read with the light on.

Genres: Nonfiction, Paranormal, Ghosts, Horror, History, Short Stories

321 pages, Kindle Edition

Published July 26, 2022

Reviews

[Rowan MacDonald · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you like ghost stories with a healthy dose of humour, then this is for you. I often had a smirk on my face while reading, which then turned to laughter, that occasionally transitioned to pulling my hoody over my head for protection - you know, from things breathing down the back of my neck. 100 Tales from Australia’s Most Haunted Places delivers the chills and chuckles in equal measure.

If I ever had to spend the night in a haunted asylum, I’d want Ben Pobjie with me. His dark humour might be the only thing that would prevent me curling up in a corner and begging to leave.

“Those who have entered Deeming’s old cell have felt a disturbing presence and someone’s hand on their heads. Which could be quite nice really, if the hand is sort of stroking you softly. But it probably isn’t.”

Pobjie has done a great job assembling 100 stories from around Australia. Some places happen to be so ‘haunted’ they have multiple entries (Port Arthur, Monte Cristo, Kapunda, Picton). This has all the ghosts one requires from such a book; everything from prison and theatre ghosts, to even horse ghosts and ghost kids. It’s some of the ghost kids that tug the heartstrings the most, proving that Pobjie can not only induce terror and laughter with his writing, but genuine heartache and sadness too. An alternate title for the book could easily be 100 Tragic Tales from Australia’s Most Tragic Places.

“Sarah has now been wandering the halls in death for many more years than she did in her mortal form, and anyone who stands in her bedroom can feel the pain of the brevity of her life.”

Pobjie’s humour might be an acquired taste for some, but it grew on me. It felt like I was sitting around a campfire with him. It was a fun way to learn about Australian history. My favourite entries were those from places I knew or visited before; the likes of Willow Court, Adelaide Arcade, Fred at the Theatre Royal, and Grover’s Ghost at Tasmania’s Richmond Bridge – I had no idea there was also a ghost dog warning people when old Grover is about!

There doesn’t seem to be much logical order to the stories (like state by state), but the words ‘logical’ and ‘ghosts’ don’t always go together. I found the random layout exciting anyway. Not all stories hit the mark, but the sheer volume of entries guarantee a good one is lurking around the corner; much like some of the entities featured.

“The woman was invisible, but it became a common experience for staff at the villa to feel her creep up behind them and whisper in their ear, ‘Who are you? What do you want? Please leave.’”

There are some great photos depicting the locations, which at first glance, are rather creepy, only to become laugh-inducing upon reading the captions. I can’t decide whether I want to visit all these places on some morbid paranormal road trip, or go out of my way to avoid them. Alas, I already plan to visit one of them this weekend, so it seems Ben Pobjie is not only a gifted comedy writer, but doing his bit for the tourism industry too.

Many thanks to Affirm Press for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Bluebelle-the-Inquisitive (Catherine) · Rating 5 out of 5]

For as long as human beings have been dying, they have been turning into ghosts. Or maybe they haven't. That's the great thing about ghosts: nobody knows if they're real, so they are endlessly entertaining, like Bigfoot or Elon Musk. —Introduction

Warnings: We are talking ghosts here and it often takes bad stuff to create a ghost. So some warnings: death, murder, suicide, torture, racism, classism and ableism.

Okay, I should probably start with where I stand on ghosts real or not. My stance on ghosts basically comes down to a quote from a book "I'm not sure whether I believe in ghosts, but two centuries worth of suffering has to leave a mark." (Billy, The Little Wartime Library). In Australia's case, it's not two centuries our Anglo-Saxon history doesn't go back that far but the point stands. Essentially I'm not above believing in ghosts because of human suffering.

I'm very glad I read this. Ben Pobjie has a fantastic sense of humour (he is a comedian, so massive shock that), and that sense of humour lands in all the right places to keep the mood where it should be. Some of these tales are truly dark, the humour is necessary to lighten to mood. Though I did find myself wondering what was with the (joking) hate on Tassie, and to a lesser degree South Australia. Don't get me wrong I laughed but I found myself curious. I found this to be quite informative in its own way. I have an interest in anthropology and this scratches that itch. It tells stories of everyday people and even ghosts are a part of that field. Some warnings for content death and murder are possibly to be expected in a book about ghosts, it takes death to create a ghost and suicide and torture are others that may be unsurprising. Other warnings that might be less obvious include racism (because you know Australia), classism (because British Empire) and ableism (because 19th century everything). Ben Pobjie is not an author I'd read before, though I do want to read more.

I appreciate the introduction it sets the tone and engages the reader. Pobjie gives his potential reasons for the belief in ghosts. They're pretty on point. The first entry is important, it is the one that grabs the reader and sets the tone. Nurse Kerry, about Aradale Lunatic Asylum, is the right choice. She is perfectly distressing. Not that her patients are sunshine and rainbows. The Bushranger Hotel feels like an odd choice to end on. But it does reference something Australia is known for, Bushrangers (in specific Ben Hall and Jack Dunn) and leaves the reader with a friendly and helpful ghost in the Quirks. The two of them are the right kind of entries to bookend the book. They balance well asylums and pubs are both common in the book, even more so when you look at them as a place of incarceration vs a place of rest and relaxation. I did find it to be quite well organised. The places that had multiple entries were spread out, the types of ghosts are varied and not repetitive in their order. Each chapter is two or three pages long with a relevant title, either the ghosts name, the location or a joke, under that is the geographic location by town and state. If the location isn't in the title it is usually in one of the first two paragraphs. It all just works so well.

Some quotes and comments. It's not for all of them but there are quite a few.
• Frederick Carr was hanged in 1929 at Adelaide Gaol. He's an oddly jovial ghost despite the injustices against him. He was hanged for the murder of his wife Maud. He's presentation has changed over time. Going from faceless to having a face and no one knows why. I just like that he's not angry.
• There is an intriguing dichotomy to the young ladies of Young & Jackson's the nameless ghost and Chloé. One is highly celebrated and prized while the other is nameless, lost and alone.
• The former denizens of the old convict settlement close in around you, insistent and suffocating, as soon as you arrive. If you can't hear them, you can feel them: the souls of thousands of the tortured, the abused and the murdered. The very air is weighted and perfumed with the pain and anger and sadness of a place built specifically to inflict those things. — I love this quote okay it's just so visceral. I like the way Port Arthur is managed. There are only a couple of brief examples. It feels like a yeah of course there are bloody ghosts here. It was a place of death and misery. (p.11, Ghosts of Port Arthur). Much the same thing is done with The North Head Quarantine Station, though there the story of the Gravedigger's cottage.
• There is something highly amusing about Pobjie not rant exactly but a paragraph that could have gone there about darkrooms being extremely spooky. I had never thought of it.
• Late one night, early in his residence, Bishop Trower awoke to find his bedroom awash with an unearthly light. The illumination emanated from a man who had, rather impolitely, entered his bedchamber without so much as a by-your-leave. — In the same chapter but a different point. There is something highly amusing about a pearl, The Rosinate Pearl, having vaguely homicidal tendencies. That (perhaps fictional) pearl has quite a high body count. (p.17, The Pearl Buyer of Broome)
• The Liftman is written in an interesting way. It's the only one written from a dual perspective and I like it.
• Under the laws of the time, suicide, or felo-de-se ('felon of himself' in Latin) was a crime equivalent to murder, — I knew this law existed but I never knew the Latin for it. What I found more interesting was that being found guilty of felo-de-se allowed the state to seize your assets. Francis Grote also has a pretty good ghost. (p.26, The Huntsman of Rostrevor)
• Catherine Spense broke my heart but she is exactly the kind of woman you aspire for your daughters to be.
• And to this day, every November, Campbelltown celebrates the Fisher's Ghost Festival, an event which brings together the whole town to celebrate community and ghosts. — This celebration is kinda weird to me, and I'm guessing a lot of others. Fisher has only had one appearance, unfinished business and all that. He's a bit different among this collection. (p.35, Fisher's Ghost)
• It could be that the sandhills themselves are simply replaying their own memory of the nightmare that descended upon them that chilly autumn night. — The feel of the unknown in the sandhills. It's different, and I like the imagery. (p.38, The Murdering Sandhills)
• I adore Albert Ogilvie so much as a ghost. He was a legend as a man too.
• Even in the olden days, when hanging people was more a fun family day out than a law-enforcement technique, slipping the noose around a female neck was something not done lightly. — This is about Martha Rendell and my response was essentially Jesus Christ you what? (p.43, The Stepmother from Hell)
• Marybank's protective ghosts are great. Allowing themselves to be heard but not seen by the occupants of the house, the descendants of the first family, the Fox's. But more than willing to reveal themselves to guests. It's a bit of a quirk among the entries.
• the Miracle House of Guildford in Western Sydney is fascinating. If you believe the story (and this one I am sceptical of) Mike Tannerous fulfilled his life goal to help people. I had to laugh when I read this entry though. Just days ago my mother and I were talking about canonisation in the Catholic church.
• The fact that Old Tailem Town was constructed Frankenstein-style, from historic buildings from elsewhere, means that it occupies a unique place among ghostly locations. Rather than being haunted by those who died on the spot, spirits have been trucked in from myriad other spots to rub shoulders on the pioneer village. — They are some pretty unique ghosts though. I do like the idea of a Frankenstein-style construction of a town. (p.75-6, Terror of Tailem Town)
• I am absolutely unsurprised that the Old Melbourne Goal is in here. The ghost of choice is Cell 17, a notorious and extremely physical ghost. I do quite appreciate Ned Kelly's silence on spectral matters.
• Quinn's Light is fascinating. But questions... I have questions.
• Indeed, as there are plenty of other spirits haunting the North Kapunda Hotel — hence its 'most haunted' appellation — the Man in Black likes to keep busy menacing them as well. It's a rare and particularly obnoxious ghost who devotes his time to spooking other spooks, but that's the Man in Black all over: a total jerk. — The North Kapunda Hotel is the place with the most entries. Dr Blood (no seriously his real name), The Man in Black, Sarah and Emily and her sister. They are all different and I like that are all here. The Man in Black is a total jerk and I kinda like it. (p.102, The Man in Black)
• But seriously: if you want to know how terrifying an old maternity hospital can be, just think about babies.
Lots of babies.
Crying.
Screaming, sobbing, wailing.
In the night. — Nope, nope, nope. How about nope. (p.104, The Evil Matron)
• I'd heard of George Grover, convict and all-round toss pot. But I didn't know he went ghost.
• Adelaide Arcade has more than a few ghosts, but us was the family case that got me.
• I'm honestly not surprised Mad Dan Morgan has a ghost and a nasty one at that. And that is two headless horsemen in Australia. What does surprise me is the lack of bushrangers with ghosts in general. It kinda gives a beaten by the better men or death wish to their life choices/ actions.
• George Ferguson Bowen had a well travelled and illustrious career. That his ghost settled in Brisbane makes me wonder... why?
• I appreciate the inclusion of the modern ghosts in The Road to Capalaba. I wish we knew their story. But in a way not having it is even better. Because they could be everyone.
• There are three chapters on The spooks of Monte Christo, with Monte Christo being a Homestead in Junee, New South Wales. They are all very different ghosts. The maid that found herself in a delicate condition was completely unsurprising fukn men in power. But it is Harold, Harold that broke me. Instead, going by the most cutting-edge medical and psychological advice available at the time, they decided to help Harold to live a rich and fulfilling life by chaining him to a wall. (p.140, ) Hahaha... NO. He was chained to a wall for 40 years. 🤬 No wonder he became a ghost. It was horrifying. The only shock is that he's a friendly ghost. As in he just was to make friends 😢.
• Melbourne's Princess Theatre opened in December 1886 and has been haunted since March 1888. That's impressive. I didn't know about the vacant seat tradition. Though it is hardly the only theatre with that kind of tradition.
• How have I never heard Elizabeth Scott's story before now (Poor Elizabeth Scott)? Hanged at the Old Melbourne Goal in 1863 for conspiring to kill her husband. She was married off to her husband at 13 (a little young even for the time) and of course, he was an abusive pos. The shotgun blast to his head fixed that malady (good). And because I can't resist.


• But there's something sweet and hopeful about the sight of Blanche and Dave wandering St Mark's together, because that's exactly what they are: together. Being a ghost seems like a lonely lifestyle, and all the moreso for a child. If these two youngsters, talked by tragedy and separated by six decades, have in afterlife found each other, their friendship might b cause for uplift in that grim and sombre place. —(p.178, The Cemetery Children)
• Sometimes the presentation of the ghost feels like true indication of the rest of their story. Like the milliner mourning her own death in the fashions of the day and in the art (trade if you must) that was her life.
• All countries have ghost stories, but only one turned a ghost story into its most popular patriotic song. Of course, 'Waltzing Matilda' isn't just a ghost story: it's also a cheerful tale of suicide and depending on your point of view an account of either justice or injustice done. —I really like all the falsehoods in the song but that original story should not be forgotten. (p188, And His Ghost My Be Heard...)
• I'm pleased there are ghost animals in here. Animals may be more disconcerting than humans.
• The hangings at the Old Windmill (Brisbane) in July 1841 were horrifying. If you want to hang someone hang them, not whatever that was.
• The current proprietors of the Albany Convict Gaol have, in the interests of giving their customers value for money in the frights department, adorned the rooms of the old building with a variety of dummies of frankly nightmarish aspect. They set them in chairs to stare at you so that when you turn to go into a room, you jump out of your skin and let out an embarrassingly high-pitched nose because there's some kind of deformed evil gypsy watching you with one bulging eye. —The book actually contains an image of one of the mannequins and they scare me more than any ghost in that place could I think. (p.242, The Black Hole) There are baby cries... baby cries in a convict gaol? I think not thank you. It's just so very wrong. The title The Black Hole is a sensory deprivation cell. Again no thank you. And I'm pretty sure they are still used.
• Oh man, the ghosts in Steiglitz outnumber the people... by quite a way.
• I did not know that Australia even had a monastic town, let alone that it had its own guardian ghost. New Norcia in W.A. was settled by Spanish Benedictine Monks in 1847. The ghost, known as The Blue Nun, is that of Sister Maria Harispe.
• The best known and most seen of Gaiety's cast of spirits is Ava, the theatre's proud addition to the pantheon of little-girl ghosts. — Honestly Ava sounds kinda adorable. She just kinda ignores people and goes about her business. (p.261, Ghosts of the Gaiety) There really in a pantheon little-girl ghosts. I'm just going to put a couple of them here. The little girl at Larundel Asylum is so heartbreaking, her music box would be disturbing though. The young girls at Spook Cemetery are horrifying. As much as more of these places would be great to visit not his one. You need nice hands. The last little-girl ghost we meet is at the Coach & Horses, she just wants friends, appearing mostly to children.
• Determinig whether the Royal Derwent Hospital, popularly known as Willow Court is haunted is a relatively simple process. Just ask the question, 'Is Willow Court Australia's oldest mental health facility?' If the answer is 'yes,' then OF COURSE, IT'S HAUNTED, YOU IDIOT. I mean, surely we know by know: if it's old and it once housed the mentally ill, there will be ghosts fizzing about inside it. — There is so much going on at this place nearly all of it bad. 'Asylum's abortion chair' is just three words that do not belong together here, unsurprisingly that chair has its own ghost. (p.263, Winston of Ward 5)
• It's interesting The Poinciana Woman echoes a few female folk tales globally. A huge injustice was committed against her I'm glad that the tale exists. Like so many of her sister tales she has become both a caregiver and an angel of vengeance.

It's a lot of fun to take your whole family for a stroll around Elizabeth Farm and look out for the exact moment your children lose the will to live. — The Old Lady at Elizabeth Farm (p.133)

Read for QBD Reading Challenge 2022. Filling the prompt: "Based on a True Story"
Believe in ghosts or not the stories behind the ghosts, the people who died are true. Honestly, I'm not sure if this fits the spirit of the prompt or not but I'm using it anyway.

A representative gif:

And they stare at you with their lifeless eyes, as if you say, 'As soon as you turn your back is turned, we are going to jump you and sink our mannequin fangs into your tender flesh like those statues from Doctor Who.' — I really did not expect a Faraway Tree. Yeah, they are pretty damn odd. Oh and we get this Doctor Who reference in the same entry as a treat. What other Doctor Who monster are we going to reference other than Weeping Angels. (p. 93, The Grouch Major)

[~Madison · Rating 2 out of 5]

very funny but the writing style just wasn't for me. I would recommend it though because I'm sure others will like the style.

hoping the author doesn't hunt me down and turn me into a ghost for this 2 star rating..

[Melissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

I bought this book hoping for some goosebumps or chills down my spine.
I got neither.
But I'm not mad.
What I did get was a lot of smiles and a few laughs. Especially the 'Young and Jackson Hotel'part. An uproar in the late 1800's that baffled me at first, but then I had a good laugh about it.
This was quite an enjoyable read.

[Sara · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was disappointed with this book =( I felt that it was rushed and not enough time spent on the history of the haunted places as well as the ghosts. I was also put off by the numerous jokes that the author always crammed in =( this book could have been so much better.

[Claire · Rating 3 out of 5]

A clever balance between scary and funny. Stories are told factually with a good dose of humour thrown in. There are some truly heartbreaking and creepy stories here (usually set within a lunatic asylum). And there is clearly no safe place in Australia where you won't be ghosted.

[Brenna · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. A fun read with lots of short tales of haunted places around Australia. Popjie is very comedic and sarcastic which is enjoyable (but got a little grating towards the end). Definitely not scary, and added a lot of sites to my travel bucket list!

[LotusBlade · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bloody love a good ghost story and Pobjie tells them like a pro. 100 creepy and hilarious tales worthy of Halloween reading!

[SecretSquirrel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hilarious and educational at the same time. I’m learning quite a bit about my own country here. Some stories though, are really very sad and hard to read such as the ghosts of the asylum and the Port Arthur site. But others are quite entertaining as you ponder whether it’s just local legend or if in fact it could be real.

[Devon May May · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Even the most ghastly ghost story carries within it a deed of hope: that when our body dies, perhaps our soul will carry on existing in some form.”

Australian history meets Ghost Busters meets Getaway.

Australia is abound with spooky stories, and comedy writer and general scaredy-cat Ben Pobjie has collated them here, and tied to real places you can visit (or avoid). It’s equal parts comedic and spooky, with a dose of the kind of history that sends shivers down your spine. 100 Tales From Australia’s Most Haunted Places is history book like none you’ve read before, full of wit and best read with the lights on.

[Sam (bookish.mum) · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an interesting and fun read. This book simultaneously had me smirking at some of the witty comments and pausing whenever I heard a weird noise. I've been to some of the places mentioned in the book and now want to visit so many more! Each of the many stories in the book were only about two pages long so it is a quick read unless you want to pace yourself. Overall, I really enjoyed this book and the author did a great job telling the ghost story history of Australia. Highly recommend if you are after a quick ghost story read!

[Alma G · Rating 2 out of 5]

Far more humorous than spooky. Quite silly in places and not what I was hoping for. Oh well, onto the next one.

[Tim Adams · Rating 2 out of 5]

I love me a good ghost story and had high hopes for this bill, however there were two problems with it.

1) 100 ghosts in 276 pages leaves only 2 and a bit pages for each ghost. I would have loved half the ghosts, but twice the time on each one - don’t give me the quick summary, give me the history.

2) it’s actually written by a stand up comic, who can’t figure out if he’s writing a humorous book or a serious historical book.

In summary, don’t buy or borrow this book with the expectation that you’ll be getting an even-handed and thorough exploration of Australian ghost stories.

[Maisie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Hmmm. Was super excited for this one as I am a massive ghost reads fan. However, I was left a bit disappointed. I felt like a lot of the time the author overused humour to the point that it because rather exhausting. I felt that the chapters were very short and didn’t quite get into enough depth to really fully explore the ghost encounters. Several of the stories didn’t really touch on the actual ghost encounter at all, or included fake ghost stories which seemed a bit redundant. Could have been better.

[Ashlee Noakes · Rating 5 out of 5]

As an Australian reading this book was absolutely amazing. Especially reading the stories from other people at places you have been is just another level of an amazing feeling. If you are into paranormal, this is an amazing book to read 100%!

[Sandra Azócar Azócar · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this was a great read, it combines two things I love: ghost stories and dark humour.

It was actually reading the descriptions of the photos when I was at the book store what really sold me on the book. For example "George Bowen, first governor of Queensland, photographed seconds after being told that he was, in fact, a ghost" or "Notorious bushranger Mad Dan Morgan, pictured shortly after his death, mulling over the pros and cons of ghosthood." They set the tone of the book, so if this style of writing doesn't appeal to you, you probably won't enjoy this book as much.

I found the stories fascinating and like someone else said, I added several places to my list of places to visit. The writing style goes perfect with me, I really enjoyed the humour and even laughed aloud at some points. However, I do wish we had had more time with each story. I feel it was too little space given to each story, that is why I give it 4 instead of 5 stars.

[Marcus Turner · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF @ 20%.
I almost never post negative reviews, but in this case I must make an exception: this book is awful. Aside from the fact there is a total lack of depth to the haunting stories - each about a page and half long - this book seems content with stuffing the pages with any old tale rather than substantial, genuinely frightening ones. Honestly, 50 tales with double the amount of research and detail would have been so much better. Alas, the book is also inexplicably preoccupied with whittling away page space (and our time) with asinine, cringe-worthy dreck masquerading as humour that reads like Ozzy Man Reviews after a lobotomy operating at 25% the wit.
I am never this mean but I think the greater sin, greater than any of the awful crimes perpetrated against the book's ghostly denizens, is that this under-baked book was ever allowed to see the light of day.

[Azzm · Rating 3 out of 5]

I intended to use this as a reference guide when visiting my brother and sister in law interstate for some ghostly adventures. I was quite shocked to see how many I have already been too intentionally and unintentionally , including one I will be at tomorrow (unintentionally and shows how many occur that we may not know about).

It speaks briefly on each place no more than a few pages however it does seem to capture the essence of the places it speaks about.

For the non believers , though a lot of the content is dark in nature the author manages to use a jovial and respectful tone for what would otherwise be a heavy read.

[Oliver · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very entertaining, engaging and spooky series of short stories exploring different haunted locations in Australia, their backstories and history, and the ghosts that supposedly haunt them. These are very short stories giving you a brief synopsis on each location (2-3 pages each) which I found really enjoyable, getting little tidbits of information about a wide variety of different hauntings! Overall a very fun and enjoyable read

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sure there are funny moments but this is not as scary as promoted.
Maybe it’s because I’ve already heard of some of these stories in previous books and podcasts or maybe it’s because I’ve been to some of these places and they weren’t as sinister as rumoured.
Or maybe my real life encounters with the spirit world is a little more exciting.
Photographs of these sites would have been a good touch.

[Angela · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 1/2*.
I love ghost stories and this book had many,100 as per title.
The authors humour was sometimes funny but often felt unnecessary.
I'm not sure what could have made this a better read as I did enjoy.

[Virginia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thoroughly enjoyed this collection of ghost stories! Ben Pobjie approaches the topic of haunted places with a sense of humour that I did not expect. I now have a list of all the places I would like to visit - if I am brave enough!

[Danielle Laman · Rating 2 out of 5]

Local dad talks about spooky places, puns ensue

Personal Rating: MID (It's fine but not for me)

[Celia Latty-steele · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic, spooky and enjoyable 👻💕

[Bree · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5⭐

[Saturday's Child · Rating 2 out of 5]

My choice of “Spooky Read” arrived a little bit late for October, and with a lot of humour in it, it was not really all that spooky.

[Sandra Hamilton · Rating 3 out of 5]

To be read in stages. Some amusing tales if you are interested in ghosts and creepy places.

[Kirsten · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really enjoy reading this book and learning about stories that I haven’t heard before!

[Kelly Gray · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was well written with an excellent sense of humour!

[Gen Lawrence · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars!

More humorous than scary, but enough of an insight to different places that you could easily research more or even visit (if you dare)!