King Me: What Every Son Wants and Needs from His Father

by Steve Farrar

Using kings of the Old Testament as character studies, Steve Farrar examines the critical role a father plays in preparing his son to become a godly man. What separated the good kings from the bad kings was a father who made time commitments to mentor his son, by modeling biblical manhood. Do you want your son to become a man of regal character? Then this book is for you!

Genres: Parenting, Christian, Family, Faith, Christian Living

256 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2005

About the author

Steve Farrar is the founder of Men’s Leadership Ministries. He holds a Master’s degree from Western Seminary, and an earned doctorate from Dallas Theological Seminary. Steve is the author of the best-selling book, Point Man: How a Man Can Lead His Family, God Built, Battle Ready, and True Courage. Steve Farrar resides in Texas with his family.

Reviews

[Samuel Schmidt · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dieses Buch hat mich tief geprägt und mir außerordentlich gut gefallen. Ich habe selten ein Buch gelesen, in dem ich so viel markiert habe, weil mir beim Lesen immer wieder bewusst wurde, wie wichtig die Themen sind, die Farrar anspricht. Besonders eindrücklich fand ich, dass er seine persönlichen Erfahrungen offen und authentisch einfließen lässt. Dadurch werden die Inhalte nicht nur theoretisch vermittelt, sondern sind sehr praxisnah und nachvollziehbar.

Ein zentrales Thema, das mir wichtig geworden ist, ist die Erkenntnis, dass Jungen anders erzogen werden müssen als Mädchen. Farrar macht deutlich, wie entscheidend es ist, dass Väter starke Männer sind, die ihren Söhnen als Vorbilder dienen können – nicht perfekt, aber charakterstark und verantwortungsbewusst.

Besonders wertvoll war für mich auch die geistliche Perspektive des Buches. Mir wurde neu bewusst, wie sehr ich den Herrn brauche, um in der Erziehung weise Entscheidungen zu treffen. Ohne seine Führung und Weisheit ist diese Aufgabe kaum zu bewältigen.

Sehr gefallen hat mir außerdem, dass Farrar biblische Prinzipien anschaulich vermittelt. Er nimmt den Leser mit auf eine Reise durch das Leben von Männern der Bibel, wie David, Salomo und Rehabeam, und zeigt auf, welche Lehren sich aus ihren Erfolgen und Fehlern ziehen lassen.

Ein Satz aus dem Buch hat sich mir besonders eingeprägt:
„Das Wichtigste, was du im Leben deines Sohnes jemals tun wirst, ist, ihn zu erziehen.“

Ein kleiner Kritikpunkt ist, dass es in seiner Grundhaltung und in vielen Beispielen stark amerikanisch geprägt ist. Manche Ansätze lassen sich deshalb nicht ohne Weiteres auf meine persönliche Lebenssituation übertragen. Dennoch sind die vermittelten Prinzipien universell gültig und wertvoll – unabhängig von Kultur und Umfeld.

Insgesamt ein absolut empfehlenswertes Buch für Väter und alle, die es werden wollen – voller ermutigender, herausfordernder und wegweisender Impulse für eine verantwortungsvolle Vaterrolle.

[Keaton · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think it's probably a good book, I just prefer a more straightforward approach as opposed to an anecdote on almost every single page. I also get tired really quick of "rah rah manliness and westerns" types of books.
Not the most helpful book I've read so far. For fathering I would rather suggest Praying Circles Around Your Children as well as Celebration of Discipline (not a parenting book but substantial help in learning to be a strong man of God, which your children need).

[Julian Seibel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ein Buch für Väter, die ein Herz für ihre Söhne haben und nicht nur möchten, dass sie im Haus aufwachsen, sondern sie angeleitet und für das Erwachsensein vorbereitet werden. Ein wertvolles Buch und ein wichtiger Appell an alle Väter: beschäftigt euch mit euren Söhnen und macht sie zu Männern.

[Jeff · Rating 2 out of 5]

We are to build sons so that they may build sons. But we don't have what it takes to pull this off. But our Heavenly Father does. We can't father without the Heavenly Father. He is there and He is not silent.

On the 8th day of July in the year 1401, the Dean and Chapel of Seville assembled in the Court of the Elms and solemnly resolved: "Let us build a church so great that those who come after us may think us mad to have attempted it." The church took 150 years to build.

Solomon - the wisest man in the land raised a son who was one of the greatest fools in history.

There are seven kinds of smart: Word, math, music, visual, muscle and people.

Your son needs to think this: "My Dad is on my team. He doesn't pressure me to be someone else. My dad likes the way God wired me and he believes that God has a purpose for my life."

A son needs a purpose, a plan, patience and a path.

"BETTER FAITHFUL THAN FAMOUS." - Teddy Roosevelt.

[Luis Villasenor · Rating 4 out of 5]

My favorite book by Mr. Steve Farrar. Just the concept of it is awesome. A must read for every Christian or non Christian father because it goes back to how fathers use to raise the boys. Easy to read and at the same very insightful. I will be re-reading this book again!!

[Jeremy Canipe · Rating 4 out of 5]

Steve Farrar is well-know in Christian circles for writing bools seeking to provide biblical and practice advice to men seeking to follow God in their daily lives and God-given roles.

In King Me, he provides this type of counsel to Christian men in our roles as fathers. In this regard, he looks at 3 successive kings of ancient Israel of what to do - and what not to do. While drawing on other examples from the Bible, the ultimate story line is drawn from that ways David and Solomon did - and did not - properly father and mentor their sons, including Solomon's son, Rehoboam, and how their father failures led to Rehoboam following his father's harsh rule and his foolish young advisors to the point of quickly losing 10 of Israel's 12 tribes.

Farrar writes in a conversational manner, almost like he is speaking at a Christian men's conference on fatherhood. He relies on stories from his own life, his experience as a son, and his experience as a father to help carry the narrative. He is writing a practical book, informed by the Bible and the wisdom and folly of his own life. This is not a comprehensive or systematic theological book.

However, I can state I gained useful clarity and insight for my own role as a father . Definitely worthwhile and recommended.

[Rob Markley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Solid, albeit fairly common and unremarkable advice on bringing up boys to be true men. It is written in a very light and friendly style with plenty of anecdotes. However the central biblical idea of looking at bringing up kings through the lens of David, Solomon and Rehoboam is largely contrived and poorly fits with the text.

There is good material here but it still feels a little bit of Christian bubble thing more than something everyone can implement. There are issues that ought to be explored - such as the necessity of sons breaking away from father to become their own man. How does this integrate into being a friend and mentor?

There was one suggestion near the end that really did intrigue me. Those troubled teen years may simply be a aberration! It was a particularly interesting idea that the creation of teenagers came about through a bunch of tertiary educators who determined on an extended preparation for university, thus came about our high schools with their feminised curriculum etc. Rather what youth should be about is an apprenticeship for life - as was the way until the 20th century. This thought really merits a lot more examination and its implications may be profound for great social change.

[Dean · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely loved this book and it will be added to my annual reading list. I would recommend this book for all men and benefited greatly from it. Farrar does an excellent job with using biblical Kings as an illustration to help teach how fathers should raise their sons and he brings out things that go a little deeper then a basic Evangelical Christian style Bible study. I gained a lot of truth from this and can't wait to put it in practice with my two boys.

[Oluremi Ladeji]

King me provides insights on how to raise boys..as a father and mentor.. two very important roles of fathers. The historical background regarding the development of “teens” provided useful conceptualization on how and why some things are the way they are. The information and analysis of ‘“strong will child” and “ compliance child” provides a unique insights overall it is convicting and encouraging .

[Joel Rockey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent. I’ve wanted to read this one for a while, and I’m thankful I finally did. Maybe it’s because of my own difficult childhood, or my desire to do things differently with my sons, but this book really resonated with me.

[Jasonwilkerson · Rating 3 out of 5]

A bit dated, but helpful. Particularly helpful are the author's thoughts on the "feminization" of boys, and his contrasting of authority and authoritarianism.

[Dan Mingo · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a great book! This book really hit home and how to raise my son godly.

[Aaron Eddlemon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book!!! Steve Farrar shows you how to be a Godly father to your son and how to lead your family. Great use of the Bible throughout the book. I enjoy this author and all his books.

[Bruce M. Burkett · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read book for every father of a son! Helpful, practical and biblical principles to guide a father in raising a son God’s way.

[Chuckie Stevens · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another incredible book by Steve Farrar. I loved Steve's vulnerability of telling his own story and struggles as a father. He is real!

[Michael Brown · Rating 4 out of 5]

Carpe…… Carpe…… Diem… Seize The Day….

Say these words and 99% of people will know what movie you are talking about. A classic film called “Dead Poets Society” with Robin Williams from 1989. It is hard to believe this movie is over 20 years old now. Growing up watching this film I remember the lines, “Seize the day,” and, “O Captain my captain,” as the two that really stick out. I saw it from the students’ perspective of finding your own voice and learning to think for yourself. But this time I saw something else, I probably saw it before, but it didn’t resonate with me; the reason Neil killed himself. That reason being he could not stand up to his father and explain what he wanted to do with his life.

Part of the reason why it struck me so hard was because I had just been reading “King Me What every son wants and needs from his father” by Steve Farrar. In the movie, Neil wants to become an actor and his Dad has decided for him that he will be a Doctor. Professor Keating (Williams) comes to the school as the new English teacher and inspires the students, including Neil, to try new things. And in the end Neil kills himself, Keating is run out of the school, and the father blames Keating for killing his son.

Here is the point I believe is most poignant – a father trying to live out his life through his son. We are not called by God to map out our son’s lives or to correct every wrong that they do. We are called by God to train our son’s to know God, to teach them how to be Godly men and manly men.

It is too easy at times to leave the training wheels on the bike – so they never fall or scrape their knees. But sooner or later they have to learn and do it on their own – 2 wheels and some balance. The same goes with life. At a certain point we have to let go and let them fly solo… give them advice… help them out in trouble at times. But we cannot be like Neil’s Dad and tell them exactly what they are going to do every step of the way.

Steve Farrar’s book “King Me” is a great guide on how to traverse the difficult road of raising Godly sons (and daughters). He gives 7 ways in which we can mentor the younger men in our lives (those of who don’t have any of our own… this is a great book if you serve in the youth department or even the younger ages).
1. Mentoring Through Mistakes
2. Mentoring Through Discipline
3. Mentoring Through Masculinity
4. Mentoring Through Guidance
5. Mentoring Through Sexual Purity
6. Mentoring Through Manly Communication
7. Mentoring Through Friendship

Each builds on the next, and over all, Steve Farrar gives some great advice on how to mentor sons. The reason he wrote the book is because, even as a well known Christian Men’s writer and speaker, he found out even he wasn’t perfect in raising his kids.

I would highly recommend that every father watch this movie with their son once a year, and talk about how their life is going and see how they are doing mentoring their son. I would also suggest reading this book or another book like it once a year, as we seek after God to try to raise Godly children. Now, none of us are going to be perfect fathers or raise perfect sons or daughters, but the key is to help your son or daughter be ready when their time comes to…

From Third Option Men

[G. Clay · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was really hit and miss for me. There were times when I found myself shaking my head in total agreement with Farrar. At others points, I was just as vigorously opposed to what he had to say. Farrar is closely aligned with the Promise Keepers movement, and I noticed several areas of the book that were similar to books I've read by other authors in that movement. At certain points his Calvinistic leanings were brutally ungracious towards any other position. That was a real turn-off. Additionally, while I am no "egalitarian" in the sense of overstepping the biblical definitions of gender roles, there was some offensive language in that regard. There's nothing unscriptural about a man sitting still for a long period of time (how else did Farrar write the book?) - so the charge that our education system expects men to behave like women doesn't hold up.

There were some good pieces of practical advice, especially for someone who doesn't yet have children. The advance notice of what you may face and how to prepare yourself was helpful.

[Robert Sutherland · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book had a great concept, and I was excited to read it. The idea of mentoring your son, using the example of the Kings was an unusual angle for a Christian parenting book. He exposited that David mentored Solomon and Solomon didn't mentor his son, Rehoboam. Both sons turned out pretty rotten in the end, so the concept of leading by example and actively mentoring was discussed, but I never made the connection with how this is supposed to work. These examples were not ones to emulate.
He had a couple of excellent examples that I hadn't heard before, a few that I had heard before, and many, many overused stories and observations. Overall, this might be a good first parenting book for sons, but it is uneven in its application (most chapters have a lot of what with very little "how" while a few have a decent number of applications). More application and less generalization along with a wrap up in each chapter with recommended action items would have made it a much better book.

[Estifanos · Rating 5 out of 5]

"We are to build sons so that they may build their sons.

It is the plan of God. It is your highest earthly calling. There is no work more important.
And you don’t have what it takes to pull it off.

Neither do I.
We can’t father without the heavenly Father.
But as Francis Schaeffer used to say, “He is there and He is not silent.”
Therefore, with His help we can do our fathering work. And we do it to and for His glory."

Great book!
A must read for every man who has a son!

[Dany Brenes · Rating 3 out of 5]

Goes to the edge at times but overall a great book

I loved the way the author reinforces the father/son relationship biblically and inspires us to do the same to raise men of God. The only reason I'm giving this 3 stars is because there are some concepts that are more the author's perceptions than truths, for instance feminized worship and things like feminized education that even though it holds some truth, the author's recommendations of having to look for alternatives seems too bold at times for me and not applicable to everyone.

[Jason Denison · Rating 5 out of 5]

WOW! Every man and boy alive should read this book. Certainly every father or father to be of a son should read this book. Man so powerful and speaks to my heart so deeply. I'm not a Father yet but I know that when I am I will re-read this and I am more prepared to be so, but not only that, more prepared to live in the world as a Christian man, son, husband, brother, leader, employee, employer... This book is life changing!

[Thompsonwrites · Rating 5 out of 5]

A friend of mine who recently turned 30 and is the father of two beautiful children, advised me to pick this one up. Bottom line, our world needs full time fathers. This is a book every male should read and get it deep down in his pants. Live with the intention to mentor your son. Providing is important but leaving a legacy lasts longer.

[Mark · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some really good advice on raising your son. Being purposefully present is one of them. Seemed as though the book could have been edited down to closer to 200 pages and been just as effective at getting the points across.

[Dean Wood · Rating 4 out of 5]

I gave this book four stars because it has some five star chapters and some three star chapters. The book got better as it went and I was glad I stuck with it. (Maybe it would have benefitted from an editor who arranged it differently?) I would recommend this book to dads with sons.

[Mark Murdock · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good analysis of how stories from the Bible may teach about the role of fatherhood. Included some conservative views regarding gender that aren't particularly progressive. Wholesome premise that comes across as generally good counsel.

[Legacy Dad · Rating 3 out of 5]

Further closing the gap and showing fathers that they need to be present and actively involved in their children's lives if they hope to make a difference.

[Nan]

I just ordered this for Brad. Looks like a great recommendation from James Dobson. I'll keep you posted.

[Doug Ausbury · Rating 4 out of 5]

Got a son? Read this. Period.

[Ray]

If you have a son or grandson, you have to read this book. Steve Farrar does not pull any punches and each punch lands right on target. Our children's future is in OUR hands.

[Helmut Granda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book, every father must read....