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314 pages, Pocket Book
First published January 1, 1985
During the months and years that followed, I became absorbed by this business of love, or rather by the prohibition laid on love; my father's condemnation only served to encourage the intrigue. In these early stages of my sentimental education, our secret correspondence is carried on in French: thus the language that my father had been at pains for me to learn, serves as a go-between, and from now a double, contradictory sign reigns over my initiation. As with the heroine of a Western romance, youthful defiance helped me break out of the circle that whispering elders traced around me and within me. Then love came to be transformed in the tunnel of pleasure, soft clay to be moulded by matrimony.It is hard to know to what extent the book is autobiographical. The "I" might be Djebar herself, or at least as much as the real woman (Fatima-Zohra Imalayen) cares to reveal through her nom-de-plume. In the last half of the book, where the sections follow one another like movements in a piece of chamber music, enfolding themes and variations, she will introduce several different "I" voices—resistance fighters, exiles, torture victims in the last wars against the French—any one of which might have been her as a young woman, but one assumes were not. But she becomes all women, just as she becomes her whole country.
Memory purges and purifies the sounds of childhood; we are cocooned by childhood until the discovery of sensuality, which washes over us and gradually bedazzles us…. Voiceless, cut off from my mother's words by some trick of memory, I managed to pass through the dark waters of the corridor, miraculously inviolate, not even guessing at the enclosing walls. The shock of the first words blurted out: the truth emerging from a break in my stammering voice. From what nocturnal reef of pleasure did I manage to wrest this truth?
I blew the space within me to pieces, a space filled with desperate voiceless cries, frozen long ago in a prehistory of love. Once I had discovered the meaning of the words—those same words that are revealed to the unveiled body—I cut myself adrift. I set off at dawn, with my little girl's hand in mine.
Soufflerie souffreteuse ou solennelle du temps d'amour, soufrière de quelle attente, fièvre des staccato. Silence rempart autour de la fortification du plaisir, et de sa digraphie. Création chaque nuit. Or broché du silence.
I do not claim here to be either a story-teller or a scribe. On the territory of dispossession, I would that I could sing.
I would cast off my childhood memories and advance naked, bearing offerings, hands outstreched to whom? -no to the Lords of yesterday's war, or to the young girls who lay in hiding and who now inhabit the silence that succeeds battles... And what are my offerings? Only handfuls of husks, culled from my memory, what do I seek? Maybe the brook where wounding words are drowned...
'Pélissier made only one mistake: as he had a talent for writing, and was aware of this, he gave in his report an eloquent and realistic — much too realistic — description of the Arabs' suffering...'