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Strong like Water: Finding the Freedom, Safety, and Compassion to Move through Hard Things—and Experience True Flourishing
There's a cost to being a certain kind of strong.
When it comes to difficult circumstances, we’ve all heard the “No pain, no gain.” “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” But if we spend our lives trying to be “the strong one,” we become exhausted, burned-out, and disconnected from our truest selves.
What if it were different? Could there be a different way to be strong? Could strength mean more than pushing on and pushing through pain, bearing every heavy burden on our own? What if, instead, true strength were more like the soft and bold, fierce and gentle, moving together as one powerful force?
In Strong like Water, author and trauma therapist Aundi Kolber offers a framework for true flourishing. With each page, you’
Learn how your nervous system shapes your experience so that we can move through pain instead of being stuck in it.Explore various practices, rhythms, and resources to support you in challenging circumstances with compassion and hope.Discover how to internalize connection, love, and safety—empowering you with greater resilience.
A different, more expansive way of healing, wholeness, and possibly—especially—strength is possible. We were made to be strong like water.
When it comes to difficult circumstances, we’ve all heard the “No pain, no gain.” “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” But if we spend our lives trying to be “the strong one,” we become exhausted, burned-out, and disconnected from our truest selves.
What if it were different? Could there be a different way to be strong? Could strength mean more than pushing on and pushing through pain, bearing every heavy burden on our own? What if, instead, true strength were more like the soft and bold, fierce and gentle, moving together as one powerful force?
In Strong like Water, author and trauma therapist Aundi Kolber offers a framework for true flourishing. With each page, you’
Learn how your nervous system shapes your experience so that we can move through pain instead of being stuck in it.Explore various practices, rhythms, and resources to support you in challenging circumstances with compassion and hope.Discover how to internalize connection, love, and safety—empowering you with greater resilience.
A different, more expansive way of healing, wholeness, and possibly—especially—strength is possible. We were made to be strong like water.
252 pages, Kindle Edition
First published March 21, 2023
618 people are currently reading
4437 people want to read
About the author
Aundi Kolber
6 books254 followersHi there, I’m Aundi.
Here are some things that might be helpful for you to know about me:
I am a deep thinker and deep feeler. Sometimes I get bored with small talk. I love stories, people, counseling, theology and my precious family. I find myself constantly amazed by God’s faithfulness in my life. I write, think, and chew on this often. I believe that Jesus is my ultimate hope and healer.
I am a licensed professional counselor in Castle Rock, CO and attended Denver Seminary for my graduate education. I am married to the love of my life and have a daughter and son who are the joy of my heart.
My work has been featured on Relevant, CT Women, The Huffington Post, The Mudroom, Happy Sonship and Circling the Story.
Here are some things that might be helpful for you to know about me:
I am a deep thinker and deep feeler. Sometimes I get bored with small talk. I love stories, people, counseling, theology and my precious family. I find myself constantly amazed by God’s faithfulness in my life. I write, think, and chew on this often. I believe that Jesus is my ultimate hope and healer.
I am a licensed professional counselor in Castle Rock, CO and attended Denver Seminary for my graduate education. I am married to the love of my life and have a daughter and son who are the joy of my heart.
My work has been featured on Relevant, CT Women, The Huffington Post, The Mudroom, Happy Sonship and Circling the Story.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 345 reviews
May 29, 2025
She has the kindest way of talking about anxiety and coping.
Beautiful integration of mental health knowledge and faith.
Beautiful integration of mental health knowledge and faith.
February 18, 2023
After reading Aundi's first work, Try Softer, earlier last year, I was eager to receive an ARC of Strong like Water and to savour the rich journey of learning more about freedom, safety, and what it truly means to be strong. This is an important work that truly emphasizes the truths known in the world of psychology, particularly that of trauma-informed and somatic focused therapeutic work, and connects them to the Christian experience in a deeply meaningful way. Strong like Water certainly goes deeper into topics introduced in Try Softer, so I would recommend starting there before picking up this read. Nevertheless, this is a deeply compassionate resource that I will be purchasing for myself to implement further personally, professionally, and spiritually. I highly recommend this resource for counsellors, leaders, pastors, and anyone carrying hard things (ps - that's all of us. :)
Thanks to NetGalley and Tyndale for providing me with an ARC in exchange for my fair and honest review.
Thanks to NetGalley and Tyndale for providing me with an ARC in exchange for my fair and honest review.
March 28, 2023
Aundi nails it on the head again!!
As someone who was raised by parents with the “tough it out” mentality, I have spent my 20’s processing a lot of dismissed trauma. Aundi’s first book introduced me to the idea that pushing harder & dismissing pain might not be the only way - Strong Like Water continues to speak to the deconstructing of so many detrimental mentalities that we are raised with or expected to have. The Lord has so much more for us!!! Her words are overflowing with the heart of the Holy Spirit & she has so tenderly addressed some really heavy & impactful topics that are too often ignored. Both of her books are excellent resources for Christians working through various kinds of trauma & their spiritual impact. I especially appreciate that she repeatedly acknowledges that her books are no replacement for therapy or counseling - but they are great tools for enrichment. Can’t recommend her work enough.
As someone who was raised by parents with the “tough it out” mentality, I have spent my 20’s processing a lot of dismissed trauma. Aundi’s first book introduced me to the idea that pushing harder & dismissing pain might not be the only way - Strong Like Water continues to speak to the deconstructing of so many detrimental mentalities that we are raised with or expected to have. The Lord has so much more for us!!! Her words are overflowing with the heart of the Holy Spirit & she has so tenderly addressed some really heavy & impactful topics that are too often ignored. Both of her books are excellent resources for Christians working through various kinds of trauma & their spiritual impact. I especially appreciate that she repeatedly acknowledges that her books are no replacement for therapy or counseling - but they are great tools for enrichment. Can’t recommend her work enough.
July 18, 2025
I tried to start this book a year ago and wasn’t in a spacious enough season to engage with the material. Much like “Try Softer,” this is not a casual read. However, in this season I found myself with the room to explore the practices provided and reflect deeply on the material and I found that what she has to say about strength, safety, connection, and the nervous system definitely has the potential to change your life. I’m trying to let it change mine 😅
December 5, 2023
Anyone who has experienced any level of trauma (so, everyone?) would benefit from reading this helpful, insightful book. I specifically appreciate her gentle tone and practical exercises to help regulate your nervous system. I felt like she broke down complex topics in a way that made sense and felt helpful.
October 16, 2022
Kolber writes a very compassionate book about mental health (mostly in a Christian context) and how we can seek to be strong like water. I appreciated her pairing of Christian truths with psychology research and emphasis on the importance of working through trauma and difficult situations.
She explains situational strength which is where we exhibit strength in individual situations and becomes the default mode for a lot of us. We go from stressful situation to stressful situation. Her desire is for people to reach a transitional strength space where they can recognize when they're going through something difficult but still remain grounded and not feel out of control.
The reader is encouraged to feel things and not just bottle it up (situational strength) which I was encouraged by.
"We cannot logic ourselves into safety or out of trauma. Telling our bodies that we're safe and feeling safe are two very different things."
"It's vital we remember that we have a God who can hold and honor both our lament and our joy. We don't and shouldn't shame uncomfortable emotions like sadness, anger, despair, and confusion."
Some parts of the book felt a bit woo-woo but I think that is partly because I'm not as used to how counselors speak. Towards the end of the book Kolber said it's important to love your neighbor as yourself but interprets it as that we should first work on ourselves and then turn to our neighbor as we are able. I don't fully agree with this because I think much good comes out of putting aside our problems and pain and sacrificing for another. However, I see her point that for those who tend to overaccomodate others that focusing on themselves may be important if they always focus on others.
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for this eARC!
She explains situational strength which is where we exhibit strength in individual situations and becomes the default mode for a lot of us. We go from stressful situation to stressful situation. Her desire is for people to reach a transitional strength space where they can recognize when they're going through something difficult but still remain grounded and not feel out of control.
The reader is encouraged to feel things and not just bottle it up (situational strength) which I was encouraged by.
"We cannot logic ourselves into safety or out of trauma. Telling our bodies that we're safe and feeling safe are two very different things."
"It's vital we remember that we have a God who can hold and honor both our lament and our joy. We don't and shouldn't shame uncomfortable emotions like sadness, anger, despair, and confusion."
Some parts of the book felt a bit woo-woo but I think that is partly because I'm not as used to how counselors speak. Towards the end of the book Kolber said it's important to love your neighbor as yourself but interprets it as that we should first work on ourselves and then turn to our neighbor as we are able. I don't fully agree with this because I think much good comes out of putting aside our problems and pain and sacrificing for another. However, I see her point that for those who tend to overaccomodate others that focusing on themselves may be important if they always focus on others.
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for this eARC!
October 29, 2024
This is an excellent, accessible intro to trauma work—something that we need much more of in Christian nonfiction.
4/5 stars for two reasons:
1. Although Kolber uses the phrase “strong like water” what feels like 100 times, the connection between strength and water only kind of made sense and was not developed enough to merit being anything other than the title (IMHO).
2. Most importantly, the blurbs for this book do not even MENTION trauma. I was interested in the book bc it was purported to focus on why we cling to being strong, redefining strength, etc. and I thought Kolber’s trauma-*informed* approach could be interesting. The reality is that this book is much more *about* trauma than it is abt strength in general. I only kept reading bc its true focus also interests me.
Verdict: I didn’t get what I personally needed out of this book, but I’m glad this book exists and have already recommended it to others.
Caveat: some reviewers have made comments like “everyone has experienced some form of trauma, so everyone can benefit from this book.” I think we need to be very careful with that idea. Everyone has experienced some form of adversity, but if we are too loose with claiming adversity as trauma, we risk minimizing the deep and debilitating pain of others.
4/5 stars for two reasons:
1. Although Kolber uses the phrase “strong like water” what feels like 100 times, the connection between strength and water only kind of made sense and was not developed enough to merit being anything other than the title (IMHO).
2. Most importantly, the blurbs for this book do not even MENTION trauma. I was interested in the book bc it was purported to focus on why we cling to being strong, redefining strength, etc. and I thought Kolber’s trauma-*informed* approach could be interesting. The reality is that this book is much more *about* trauma than it is abt strength in general. I only kept reading bc its true focus also interests me.
Verdict: I didn’t get what I personally needed out of this book, but I’m glad this book exists and have already recommended it to others.
Caveat: some reviewers have made comments like “everyone has experienced some form of trauma, so everyone can benefit from this book.” I think we need to be very careful with that idea. Everyone has experienced some form of adversity, but if we are too loose with claiming adversity as trauma, we risk minimizing the deep and debilitating pain of others.
April 13, 2024
A necessary resource for those of us fighting for wholeness. Deep roots and practices written from the perspective of someone who has lived this. I am deeply grateful for this work.
Read
September 4, 2023This was such an interesting book.
March 29, 2024
Similar to quite a few other books (Body Keeps the Score, Anatomy of the Soul, etc.) but very approachable. She gives great explanations on how trauma impacts our physical bodies and tools for moving toward wholeness. A great intro to the subject, though counseling itself is probably a better approach.
January 21, 2024
This was a very good read, and it was also very eye opening. Aundi Kolber takes approaches that never would’ve crossed my mind. The point of this book is that situational strength is not the endgame. It can help but ha a high cost if it’s the only way you operate. We need to find and develop our transitional strength.
The highlights:
- Know your responses: fight, flight, or freeze
- Know your automatic coping attitudes and use only the good qualities from them: hyper vigilance; excessive attention to detail; hyper independence; hyper dependence; toxic positivity; spiritual bypassing; profound tenacity; hyper responsibility; seemingly unphased by pain; extraordinarily accommodating; using sarcasm to bypass emotion; hunkering down and isolating
- Often, our strength comes from fear and not love.
- Our defended front shields our weak spine.
- We need to connect to transitional strength
- Resilience is the repair, not the wounding
- Use the senses to regulate
- Design a psychological container
- It’s not always a compliment when someone says, “You’re so mature.” It is sad when people become adults too young. A pattern of protection is established rather than a pattern of connection.
- Know your primary attachment style to inform you about your relationship with God, others, and yourself.
- Fear is not a character flaw
- The best way out is through
- Deep work requires deep rest
The highlights:
- Know your responses: fight, flight, or freeze
- Know your automatic coping attitudes and use only the good qualities from them: hyper vigilance; excessive attention to detail; hyper independence; hyper dependence; toxic positivity; spiritual bypassing; profound tenacity; hyper responsibility; seemingly unphased by pain; extraordinarily accommodating; using sarcasm to bypass emotion; hunkering down and isolating
- Often, our strength comes from fear and not love.
- Our defended front shields our weak spine.
- We need to connect to transitional strength
- Resilience is the repair, not the wounding
- Use the senses to regulate
- Design a psychological container
- It’s not always a compliment when someone says, “You’re so mature.” It is sad when people become adults too young. A pattern of protection is established rather than a pattern of connection.
- Know your primary attachment style to inform you about your relationship with God, others, and yourself.
- Fear is not a character flaw
- The best way out is through
- Deep work requires deep rest
February 6, 2023
What I love about Aundi Kolber is that she is a gentle space for those of us who both hold a Christian faith AND struggle, whether with anxiety or any trauma related issue. Where some faith based teachings on mental health over spiritualize and over simplify healing, making it seem as though we must not be doing it quite right, since we aren’t getting the right results - her approach is grounded in research, knowledge and real-life examples from her practice as a professional counselor.
I loved Try Softer and found it revolutionary in its approach, so I can’t thank NetGalley and Tyndale enough for the chance to read an advanced copy of Strong like Water.
This is a book to make your way through slowly and gently with pen and journal in hand. Each chapter has exercises at the end, some where she has posed questions, some where she takes the reader through physical practices that aid the strengthening process she’s writing about.
I know I’m going to need to get a paper copy of this book and revisit it at the pace it deserves. I’m really looking forward to the difference some of the practices may make in my life.
If you’re interested in the ways trauma stores itself in the body, in attachment theory, regulation, and why we are the way we are (a good companion book is “What happened to you?” By Oprah and Bruce Perry) then I highly recommend this book. While Kolber does reference faith and spirituality regularly that by no means makes the work unrelatable to someone who does not share those beliefs. This book is packed full of helpful, practical, loving advice. Thank you Aundi ❤️
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I loved Try Softer and found it revolutionary in its approach, so I can’t thank NetGalley and Tyndale enough for the chance to read an advanced copy of Strong like Water.
This is a book to make your way through slowly and gently with pen and journal in hand. Each chapter has exercises at the end, some where she has posed questions, some where she takes the reader through physical practices that aid the strengthening process she’s writing about.
I know I’m going to need to get a paper copy of this book and revisit it at the pace it deserves. I’m really looking forward to the difference some of the practices may make in my life.
If you’re interested in the ways trauma stores itself in the body, in attachment theory, regulation, and why we are the way we are (a good companion book is “What happened to you?” By Oprah and Bruce Perry) then I highly recommend this book. While Kolber does reference faith and spirituality regularly that by no means makes the work unrelatable to someone who does not share those beliefs. This book is packed full of helpful, practical, loving advice. Thank you Aundi ❤️
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
March 7, 2023
I reviewed Aundi's first book, Try Softer, too. They read like therapy sessions, with the first book being more of Aundi's personal story, and this one including stories of counseling session with patients (names changed). She has an incredible ability to equip readers with knowledge without having them feel like they won't need therapy after reading the books. If anything, reading these will help you understand what you might be going through, and decide if you need professional help working through things.
I love her approach, and both books are top-notch resources.
I love her approach, and both books are top-notch resources.
April 25, 2023
Perfect balance of trauma based science and faith. So needed!
September 29, 2025
“The more support and safety we feel, the more we heal and grow. And the more flexible we will become.”
I listened to this audio version book, and finished reading it with an actual copy of the book. I've wanted to read this book for several years, but I kept putting it off. It's a guidebook to understanding your nervous system, and I found it so helpful.
Aundie is an invaluable resource for helping people heal and process their trauma. She has done a great deal of work to help others heal. I am so GRATEFUL for her work!
Aundie is compassionate and has a gift to help others heal from their pain. I moved through this book at a slow pace because of the numerous therapy techniques she shared, which I had to pause, process, and practice. I appreciated that she used so many practical examples from her client's life as well.
A few takeaways from this book:
1) For our body to feel safe, we need: support, attunement, connection, and compassion.
2) The difference between Situational strength and Transitional strength.
3) Honor the ways we have had to be strong.
4) Learning to connect with goodness will actually help us to heal.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who's experienced trauma in the past or present. Five stars! I wish I would have read it sooner.
I listened to this audio version book, and finished reading it with an actual copy of the book. I've wanted to read this book for several years, but I kept putting it off. It's a guidebook to understanding your nervous system, and I found it so helpful.
Aundie is an invaluable resource for helping people heal and process their trauma. She has done a great deal of work to help others heal. I am so GRATEFUL for her work!
Aundie is compassionate and has a gift to help others heal from their pain. I moved through this book at a slow pace because of the numerous therapy techniques she shared, which I had to pause, process, and practice. I appreciated that she used so many practical examples from her client's life as well.
A few takeaways from this book:
1) For our body to feel safe, we need: support, attunement, connection, and compassion.
2) The difference between Situational strength and Transitional strength.
3) Honor the ways we have had to be strong.
4) Learning to connect with goodness will actually help us to heal.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who's experienced trauma in the past or present. Five stars! I wish I would have read it sooner.
November 27, 2023
"I no longer had to trade my authenticity for belonging." I loved this little nugget and so many more that I picked up from Aundi's book. Her framework is based on somatic therapy and attachment theory, so she gives great, concrete suggestions to help readers with grounding and communication for those with an avoidant/anxious/disorganized style. I also appreciated the integration of faith through "breath prayers" and little insights like how the Hebrew word shepherd stems from "to tend," showing how God offers us connection and coregulation.
June 25, 2023
Aundi’s work and writing have had a huge impact on my life - similar to Try Softer, I feel like I could go back and reread this a million times and learn something new. I’m thankful for the way her work has helped me to ‘know my belovedness” and what true strength looks like.
November 13, 2023
This book was a compassionate, accessible journey through doing the work to heal the broken parts of us. As a trauma survivor, I felt seen, gently guided, and responsibly advised on how to journey forward to live a healed and whole life. She beautifully resources the listener to address the pain with hope for a brighter future. Every person needs this book. It adequately covers Jesus’ care for the lowly while also presenting her knowledge in her field of therapy with tools like EMDR, grounding, etc. What a gift to the body of Christ!
May 11, 2024
Aundi Kolber writes books that feel like a year of therapy in a book. How is it that I have to read a chapter and process it for a month? Somehow this book sat on my shelf for quite some time as I processed each chapter. Absolutely loved and highly recommend.
April 1, 2025
This book has been a comforting friend to me in a long healing journey.
July 27, 2024
ONE MILLION STARS
March 13, 2023
The book I've been waiting for. Such practical, helpful exercises and information. I would give this six stars if I could!
November 3, 2025
Felt like a free counseling sesh the whole book 🙌🏼
October 6, 2024
Amazing book - very educational and helpful for navigating trauma and processing emotions.
November 30, 2022
I was so excited to pick up Aundi Kolber's second book, Strong Like Water. In this book, she expands on themes from her first book (Try Softer) and encourages her readers to go deeper with strength to become your truest self. That self is not unaffected by past pain and trauma, but rather seeks growth and change through it.
Like her first book, Strong Like Water pair solid psychological research with Christian truth and values. While I can't say that I agree with every Biblical interpretation the author makes, I feel like her point comes across well - the God who loves us wants to see us healed. He wants to heal us and help us move from "situational strength" (a strength that helps us survive stressful circumstances) to "transitional strength" where we live to our fullest potential, who we were created to be. It is in this transitional strength that we can truly love your neighbor and work for change in the world. A person living from a place of transitional strength is grounded and present and alive, even in hard situations.
This book is written in a voice of love and compassion, from a person who has been there both in her own life as well as alongside others in her therapy practice as they have walked through very real challenges in life. It is well written, and easy to read, yet important to savor. The exercises and practices that are suggested at the end of each chapter seem very useful as well as stepping stones to growth.
Though it may sound like it, this is not a quick fix self help book. It is also not a book that encourages picking yourself up by your bootstraps or "arriving" at some mythical end point on the road to personal change or better mental health. It is a book that recognizes growth and change is a journey, not a destination. (I don't mean to sound cheesy, alas.) I appreciated that Aundi used many personal anecdotes to illustrate the trajectory of change in her own life. Though she did include (highly edited) client stories, I felt her personal illustrations made the book very relatable and real - but I am of a similar demographic to her from what I know via social media (a white Christian woman in my late 30s living in an upper middle class setting). Though the author is not a person of color, she does include some points about ongoing racial trauma, and from following her on social media, I believe advocacy in that realm is important to her. I mention this not because it is a focal point, but because it is brought up several times throughout the book.
I highly recommend this book, and am sure I will return to it again in the future.
Thank you to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for the eARC. All opinions are my own.
Like her first book, Strong Like Water pair solid psychological research with Christian truth and values. While I can't say that I agree with every Biblical interpretation the author makes, I feel like her point comes across well - the God who loves us wants to see us healed. He wants to heal us and help us move from "situational strength" (a strength that helps us survive stressful circumstances) to "transitional strength" where we live to our fullest potential, who we were created to be. It is in this transitional strength that we can truly love your neighbor and work for change in the world. A person living from a place of transitional strength is grounded and present and alive, even in hard situations.
This book is written in a voice of love and compassion, from a person who has been there both in her own life as well as alongside others in her therapy practice as they have walked through very real challenges in life. It is well written, and easy to read, yet important to savor. The exercises and practices that are suggested at the end of each chapter seem very useful as well as stepping stones to growth.
Though it may sound like it, this is not a quick fix self help book. It is also not a book that encourages picking yourself up by your bootstraps or "arriving" at some mythical end point on the road to personal change or better mental health. It is a book that recognizes growth and change is a journey, not a destination. (I don't mean to sound cheesy, alas.) I appreciated that Aundi used many personal anecdotes to illustrate the trajectory of change in her own life. Though she did include (highly edited) client stories, I felt her personal illustrations made the book very relatable and real - but I am of a similar demographic to her from what I know via social media (a white Christian woman in my late 30s living in an upper middle class setting). Though the author is not a person of color, she does include some points about ongoing racial trauma, and from following her on social media, I believe advocacy in that realm is important to her. I mention this not because it is a focal point, but because it is brought up several times throughout the book.
I highly recommend this book, and am sure I will return to it again in the future.
Thank you to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for the eARC. All opinions are my own.
April 27, 2023
Audiobook read by the author. I loved hearing her calm voice. And, I'd like to get a hard copy because she has directions for some guided practices that would be easier for me to follow in written form.
Aundi's integration of body and brain science into her teaching is both fascinating and encouraging that we don't have to be trapped in trauma, our bodies are capable of change and healing.
Aundi's integration of body and brain science into her teaching is both fascinating and encouraging that we don't have to be trapped in trauma, our bodies are capable of change and healing.
April 14, 2023
Cannot more highly recommend!!
March 28, 2024
An excellent follow-up to Try Softer.
May 29, 2025
What continues to stay with me from this book is how Aundi writes in a way that honors the whole person through their whole story. It’s beauty filled and hopeful!
December 9, 2025
thankful for this very timely book for processing the past– why we react the way we do from our childhood, schooling, parenting, relationships, trauma, etc. in a way Christ’s gentleness was tangibly felt in my life thru this journey. memorable concepts:
WINDOW OF TOLERANCE
- window of tolerance: optimal emotional and psychological zone for person to function effectively with life
- hyperarousal: overstimulation -> anxiety, overwhelm
- hypoarousal: numbness, dissociation
STRENGTH TYPES
- situational: works for specific situations but not good long term bc survival instinct. eg. emergency rooms
- transitional: in between past responses and working towards a more calm one
- integrated: resillient in conflict, full range of emotions
ATTACHMENT TYPES
- “how old do u feel when u respond to a trauma? eg. anxious? avoidant? isolating?” —> good to reflect
- attachment types
- avoidant -> your situational strength helped you emotionally regulate in the past. now step out slowly.
- anxious -> notice when people do meet your needs.
- disorganized -> set boundaries that allow you to grow into more trust
BOUNDARIES & HEALING
- safety: the disconnected parts of your trauma need to be unpacked in a safe space to reach wholeness. this can’t be done just anywhere. -> goal: embodied repair
- boundaries: safe spaces where you feel resourced and capable of handling potential overwhelm, to help you process if you need to fall apart.
- resource: anything that provides a sense of safety, calm, or connection.
- pendulum: a person can oscillate between their trauma/distress and a "resource" to help regulate and respond better to future trauma
✨
- glimmer = glimpses of hope, what could be. (opposite of trigger: what discourages u from the past)
- letter to inner child/creative self. what were the things u loved as a child? ur behavior and spirit before societal pressures and worldly values were impressed upon u?
final thoughts
- pastor: “I don’t know what it cost you to know what you know, but thank you for paying that price.” —> made kolber weep. what is that in your life?
- kolber: “I refuse to ever let my heart harden. I’ll always try softer, so my heart stays soft.”
- softness is a gift, but so is your fire.
tl;dr: healing is sacred work that’s worth the risk and the work. thank you Jesus
WINDOW OF TOLERANCE
- window of tolerance: optimal emotional and psychological zone for person to function effectively with life
- hyperarousal: overstimulation -> anxiety, overwhelm
- hypoarousal: numbness, dissociation
STRENGTH TYPES
- situational: works for specific situations but not good long term bc survival instinct. eg. emergency rooms
- transitional: in between past responses and working towards a more calm one
- integrated: resillient in conflict, full range of emotions
ATTACHMENT TYPES
- “how old do u feel when u respond to a trauma? eg. anxious? avoidant? isolating?” —> good to reflect
- attachment types
- avoidant -> your situational strength helped you emotionally regulate in the past. now step out slowly.
- anxious -> notice when people do meet your needs.
- disorganized -> set boundaries that allow you to grow into more trust
BOUNDARIES & HEALING
- safety: the disconnected parts of your trauma need to be unpacked in a safe space to reach wholeness. this can’t be done just anywhere. -> goal: embodied repair
- boundaries: safe spaces where you feel resourced and capable of handling potential overwhelm, to help you process if you need to fall apart.
- resource: anything that provides a sense of safety, calm, or connection.
- pendulum: a person can oscillate between their trauma/distress and a "resource" to help regulate and respond better to future trauma
✨
- glimmer = glimpses of hope, what could be. (opposite of trigger: what discourages u from the past)
- letter to inner child/creative self. what were the things u loved as a child? ur behavior and spirit before societal pressures and worldly values were impressed upon u?
final thoughts
- pastor: “I don’t know what it cost you to know what you know, but thank you for paying that price.” —> made kolber weep. what is that in your life?
- kolber: “I refuse to ever let my heart harden. I’ll always try softer, so my heart stays soft.”
- softness is a gift, but so is your fire.
tl;dr: healing is sacred work that’s worth the risk and the work. thank you Jesus
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