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Smart Sex
“This is the type of sex talk we need more of!” —Christina Aguilera, Grammy Award-winning musician and entrepreneur
From the host of the #1 podcast Sex with Emily, Emily Morse, comes a revolutionary new book that reframes our relationship to pleasure and teaches us how to have the best sex of our lives.
Dr. Emily Morse has been dubbed “the Dr. Ruth of a new generation” (New York Times) and has helped millions of people navigate the world of sex and relationships. In Smart Sex, she condenses all she’s learned as a doctor of human sexuality and offers a groundbreaking framework that will change the way you think about sex and pleasure. In this essential book you’ll uncover:
• A new sexual intelligence that will allow you to connect deeply with your body, your desires, and the psychological and physical blocks that are keeping you from experiencing the pleasure that is your birthright.
• Communication hacks to talk to your partner about topics ranging from oral sex to open relationships and everything in between.
• The truth about orgasms and how to start having more plentiful, powerful, and satisfying orgasms.
• Everything you need to know to be a good lover, from collaboration to technique. (Hint: it's not what you think.)
• And so much more
Drawing from science, research, and lived experience, and written in a voice that’s entertaining and inclusive, Smart Sex will help you radically improve your sex life, your confidence, and your relationships, including your relationship with yourself.
From the host of the #1 podcast Sex with Emily, Emily Morse, comes a revolutionary new book that reframes our relationship to pleasure and teaches us how to have the best sex of our lives.
Dr. Emily Morse has been dubbed “the Dr. Ruth of a new generation” (New York Times) and has helped millions of people navigate the world of sex and relationships. In Smart Sex, she condenses all she’s learned as a doctor of human sexuality and offers a groundbreaking framework that will change the way you think about sex and pleasure. In this essential book you’ll uncover:
• A new sexual intelligence that will allow you to connect deeply with your body, your desires, and the psychological and physical blocks that are keeping you from experiencing the pleasure that is your birthright.
• Communication hacks to talk to your partner about topics ranging from oral sex to open relationships and everything in between.
• The truth about orgasms and how to start having more plentiful, powerful, and satisfying orgasms.
• Everything you need to know to be a good lover, from collaboration to technique. (Hint: it's not what you think.)
• And so much more
Drawing from science, research, and lived experience, and written in a voice that’s entertaining and inclusive, Smart Sex will help you radically improve your sex life, your confidence, and your relationships, including your relationship with yourself.
305 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2023
499 people are currently reading
8386 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 119 reviews
July 31, 2023
I really recommend this book for anyone trying to improve their understanding of their own sexuality, the importance of self care and the meaning of pleasure.
I found that Dr Emily Morse educates just like a friend - a smart friend in the world of human sexuality - so smart she draws this knowledge through deep research, scientific evidence, and lived experience.
This is the guide we all need as sexual beings!
I found that Dr Emily Morse educates just like a friend - a smart friend in the world of human sexuality - so smart she draws this knowledge through deep research, scientific evidence, and lived experience.
This is the guide we all need as sexual beings!
August 28, 2023
If you ignore the first two chapters, this was a good book! I think I’m gonna email her abt how this was the least non-gender inclusive sexual wellness book I’ve read in my whole life. Like, she did not try 😭
March 17, 2024
The education we never received. I stumbled upon Emily’s podcast one day and honestly I learned so much in only a few episodes. While not every chapter in this book peaked my interest, I throughly enjoyed the first few chapters and understanding the importance of Communication.
November 28, 2023
Echt een aanrader! Informatief en inzichtelijk, en het normaliseert (praten over) seks heel erg. Dikke tip!
April 15, 2024
I’m sure this book has redeeming qualities, but efforts to be inclusive feel forced rather than genuinely considered and I cannot get past the inconspicuous body shaming and enforced gender norms of “feminine energy” being submissive, passive, etc. and “masculine energy” being powerful, in control, etc. is so off putting.
See excerpt below:
“When it comes to sex, masculine energy typically shows up as leading and initiating, while feminine energy is more receptive. The one with the masculine energy sets the tone for the evening, makes the plans, and tells the other partner what’s going to happen while keeping their best interest in mind. The partner with feminine energy follows and accepts their partners plan, ultimately submitting to them. To put it simply, one partner leads, so the other can follow. […] During the day when I’m working, I’m typically in my masculine energy” and then goes on to talk about intentionally switching to feminine energy to allow her partner to be masculine. Note to readers - in my experience, feminine energy is powerful and in control too. I don’t need to be masculine at work to lead a team or get shit done.
See excerpt below:
“When it comes to sex, masculine energy typically shows up as leading and initiating, while feminine energy is more receptive. The one with the masculine energy sets the tone for the evening, makes the plans, and tells the other partner what’s going to happen while keeping their best interest in mind. The partner with feminine energy follows and accepts their partners plan, ultimately submitting to them. To put it simply, one partner leads, so the other can follow. […] During the day when I’m working, I’m typically in my masculine energy” and then goes on to talk about intentionally switching to feminine energy to allow her partner to be masculine. Note to readers - in my experience, feminine energy is powerful and in control too. I don’t need to be masculine at work to lead a team or get shit done.
August 20, 2023
I love Dr. Emily’s podcast “Sex with Emily” and knew I had to listen to her book. She does a great job of talking about sex in such a positive and inclusive manner. I appreciate the education that this book provides. I bought a hard copy too as there are many exercises, practical questions, and pictures!
November 18, 2023
It's an okay book. I know nothing about this lady beyond the intro in this book.
Removing all of the sex-related stuff in this book what you'll find is a book about how to improve youself in the journey of self-acceptance, be better at communicating your needs, and when to communicate. I had the bad luck of reading The Mountain Is You: Transforming Self-Sabotage Into Self-Mastery by Brianna Wiest and let me tell you Smart Sex is better at trying to help in overcoming our sense of insecurity and self-sabotage but I digress.
Right off the bat the Dr. Emily Morse says she's going to refer to people as "penis owners" and "vulva owners" 'cause reasons, that's what she does. And that becomes increasingly annoying because it feels as if somebody wrote a book using the words "men" and "women," and then did a "Find & Replace" and changed the words for "penis owners" and "vulva owners." What I'm trying to say is some of these sentences could be reworked and phrased better. For example, "Solo sex [...] soothes menstrual cramps and helps regulate menstrual cycles for vulva owners," yes, that's how it works but you could remove the genital owner and the sentence would have the exact same meaning. And it's the same when, for example, the prostate is mentioned, you can mention the prostate without the genital owner, no need to keep repeating it over and over again.
I thought I was going to take a break from the lingo when she was talking about sexual positions and was going to use givers and receivers but that broke down real quick and back to the gential owners we go. The exception to the "penis owners and vulva owners" rule are gay men, which are not called "gay penis owners." And finally, when cis genedered heterosexual couples are mentioned, she could very well refer to them as "men and women" instead their respective genitalia-owning names. At worst, she could have used male and female but like I said earlier, calling people by their genitalia ownership is what she does, especially when the sentence feels like it's trying to maximize word count.
The core of the book, and the most important part of it all is about the importance of communicating with your partner(s) and that goes both ways for giving and receiving. In lots of chapters and detailed enough to spark your curiosity if you're into any of these topics. For example, if I were more interested is the topic of semen retention, I'd need to look for a penis owner author, which the more likely scenario is I won't.
Particularily interesting is Dr. Morse's perspective as a vulva owner and going through the life of unknown sexuality. However, I'm not able to relate too much as a cis man, so I'm guessing women would be able to relate better and rate his book higher than I do.
Removing all of the sex-related stuff in this book what you'll find is a book about how to improve youself in the journey of self-acceptance, be better at communicating your needs, and when to communicate. I had the bad luck of reading The Mountain Is You: Transforming Self-Sabotage Into Self-Mastery by Brianna Wiest and let me tell you Smart Sex is better at trying to help in overcoming our sense of insecurity and self-sabotage but I digress.
Right off the bat the Dr. Emily Morse says she's going to refer to people as "penis owners" and "vulva owners" 'cause reasons, that's what she does. And that becomes increasingly annoying because it feels as if somebody wrote a book using the words "men" and "women," and then did a "Find & Replace" and changed the words for "penis owners" and "vulva owners." What I'm trying to say is some of these sentences could be reworked and phrased better. For example, "Solo sex [...] soothes menstrual cramps and helps regulate menstrual cycles for vulva owners," yes, that's how it works but you could remove the genital owner and the sentence would have the exact same meaning. And it's the same when, for example, the prostate is mentioned, you can mention the prostate without the genital owner, no need to keep repeating it over and over again.
I thought I was going to take a break from the lingo when she was talking about sexual positions and was going to use givers and receivers but that broke down real quick and back to the gential owners we go. The exception to the "penis owners and vulva owners" rule are gay men, which are not called "gay penis owners." And finally, when cis genedered heterosexual couples are mentioned, she could very well refer to them as "men and women" instead their respective genitalia-owning names. At worst, she could have used male and female but like I said earlier, calling people by their genitalia ownership is what she does, especially when the sentence feels like it's trying to maximize word count.
The core of the book, and the most important part of it all is about the importance of communicating with your partner(s) and that goes both ways for giving and receiving. In lots of chapters and detailed enough to spark your curiosity if you're into any of these topics. For example, if I were more interested is the topic of semen retention, I'd need to look for a penis owner author, which the more likely scenario is I won't.
Particularily interesting is Dr. Morse's perspective as a vulva owner and going through the life of unknown sexuality. However, I'm not able to relate too much as a cis man, so I'm guessing women would be able to relate better and rate his book higher than I do.
July 3, 2023
A positive, ethical, contemporary overview that focuses on increasing your knowledge, awareness and ability to communicate about the subject matter. It is a really concise and quickly-paced book with value whether you’re having solo sex, partner sex, both, or no sex. It’s also great on audio, read by the author who is a therapist and host of the podcast Sex With Emily.
July 17, 2023
I enjoyed the approach of the knowledge and tips to help you try things out and/or build on your sexual IQ. There are some things I don't agree with but the whole point isn't to align with my opinions but to educate and I think if you are willing to at least read it with an open mind and not that you have to take on everything, this is great for education and some understanding of where others may be coming from.
I also appreciate the resources provided in the back. I have never heard of her before but I am thinking I may want to check out her podcast.
I also appreciate the resources provided in the back. I have never heard of her before but I am thinking I may want to check out her podcast.
January 22, 2024
I am not the target audience. Would recommend the first part of the book to cishet women in monogamous relationships who don't have enough pleasure. Recommend the chapter on anal to anyone trying to convince their partner that everyone loves anal. Recommend the chapters on kink and ENM to absolutely nobody because they are nonsense. It might have gotten a second star for its quest to centre pleasure and destigmatize practices, but the last two chapters were such garbage.
December 23, 2023
~ Don’t mind me lmao ~ as someone who deals with a lot of Catholic guilt and is always seeking to ways to improve my self confidence, this book provided great insights about intimacy, and embracing your self image. It also gave good insights on unconventional relationships which was eye opening and interesting to read about. Overall, it helped me feel empowered by myself, my relationships, and a better understanding of other people’s relationships.
September 24, 2023
Not life-changing in any way. You can get all the info from her podcast from there. Also, get more interested in the topic of sex and you will figure out everything that she mentions in the book on your own. Get curious about the topic of sex and skip the book. It's pretty straightforward.
January 2, 2024
Would recommend Come As You Are over this book, though they serve slightly different purposes.
April 8, 2025
I could not finish this book so take the below as appropriate.
Maybe not every phd should write a book? Or maybe they should hire someone to look critically at what they are saying and what they are writing? It feels like Dr. Morse is validating some very traditional narratives around sex by stating that she is aware of modern sexual discourse and is claiming she is not saying what it appears she is saying.
She won’t say women, she’ll say vulva owners, but then write a paragraph about the feminine partner being submissive and emotional and wanting to follow a masculine partner. I believe there’s even a reference to “smelling the flowers”.
She’ll talk about how everyone should have a complex and fully engaged sexual existence, but then 80% of her focus seems to be on women and women’s bodies. Did you know women have 26 erogenous zones. Men have a penis. Now you’re fully prepared for an even and comprehensive conversation about sex!
This is not to say that there isn’t a valid prioritization on the feminine perspective. She is a woman and it’s what she knows. But she is transparent that most of her basis is on heterosexuals (but don’t worry! They self selected! She knows others sexualities exist and she’s going to be even keeled! Now back to heterosexual sexual mechanics…). At one point there is a sentence that people who have no sexual attraction exist and they are called asexual. That’s it.
There’s also the overall statements around things like well, men “get” their penis, they can’t stop orgasming so they don’t really need airtime here. Unless they have ED which is a fair and complex scenario (that she does not explore extensively and shouldn’t). Plus it seems to be the only non-productive pathology she seems to acknowledge in men? Women have issues getting sexual satisfaction, men have an issue too easily reaching sexual satisfaction! They jerk off too much, and are ready for sex, and watch a ton of porn! While all of these are fine it does create an air of “well mens problem is TOO MUCH SEXIN”. It feels like borderline 50s guidance that “you should be available whenever your husband wants sex, he’s always ready and eager!”
And yes, the idea of a positive, curious, exploratory, and shameless sexual love is fantastic. It’s just odd that despite all the trappings of her claims that it’s for everyone, she seems to have a fairly small target audience (which I’m guessing is aligned to her podcast listeners audience).
Maybe not every phd should write a book? Or maybe they should hire someone to look critically at what they are saying and what they are writing? It feels like Dr. Morse is validating some very traditional narratives around sex by stating that she is aware of modern sexual discourse and is claiming she is not saying what it appears she is saying.
She won’t say women, she’ll say vulva owners, but then write a paragraph about the feminine partner being submissive and emotional and wanting to follow a masculine partner. I believe there’s even a reference to “smelling the flowers”.
She’ll talk about how everyone should have a complex and fully engaged sexual existence, but then 80% of her focus seems to be on women and women’s bodies. Did you know women have 26 erogenous zones. Men have a penis. Now you’re fully prepared for an even and comprehensive conversation about sex!
This is not to say that there isn’t a valid prioritization on the feminine perspective. She is a woman and it’s what she knows. But she is transparent that most of her basis is on heterosexuals (but don’t worry! They self selected! She knows others sexualities exist and she’s going to be even keeled! Now back to heterosexual sexual mechanics…). At one point there is a sentence that people who have no sexual attraction exist and they are called asexual. That’s it.
There’s also the overall statements around things like well, men “get” their penis, they can’t stop orgasming so they don’t really need airtime here. Unless they have ED which is a fair and complex scenario (that she does not explore extensively and shouldn’t). Plus it seems to be the only non-productive pathology she seems to acknowledge in men? Women have issues getting sexual satisfaction, men have an issue too easily reaching sexual satisfaction! They jerk off too much, and are ready for sex, and watch a ton of porn! While all of these are fine it does create an air of “well mens problem is TOO MUCH SEXIN”. It feels like borderline 50s guidance that “you should be available whenever your husband wants sex, he’s always ready and eager!”
And yes, the idea of a positive, curious, exploratory, and shameless sexual love is fantastic. It’s just odd that despite all the trappings of her claims that it’s for everyone, she seems to have a fairly small target audience (which I’m guessing is aligned to her podcast listeners audience).
March 25, 2025
Smart sex ⭐️⭐️⭐️.5
Overall I found this pretty insightful. I did the audiobook and honestly Emily has many good ideas and ways to help individuals or those in relationships. I read this for working on myself and I’m single so even tho he’s this was directed at the individual a lot of this was targeted towards having a partner which makes plenty of sense just since I’m not in a relationship this put me out of it a bit. The ranking is more for how I felt this benefitted me versus how well it was written. I am down to try other things tho and I loved to listen to this like I was asking her questions and she was answering them for me
Overall I found this pretty insightful. I did the audiobook and honestly Emily has many good ideas and ways to help individuals or those in relationships. I read this for working on myself and I’m single so even tho he’s this was directed at the individual a lot of this was targeted towards having a partner which makes plenty of sense just since I’m not in a relationship this put me out of it a bit. The ranking is more for how I felt this benefitted me versus how well it was written. I am down to try other things tho and I loved to listen to this like I was asking her questions and she was answering them for me
October 4, 2024
Ahhhmazing!! From beginning to end! There is so much information in this book. The author is more than knowledgeable in this area. I learned so much about sex as a whole and so much about myself. A definite read for individuals and/or couples that want a little more information on this topic.
August 21, 2023
audio read by author
January 30, 2024
I really enjoy Dr. Morse's work, I've been listening to her podcast for years and was so excited when she finally wrote a book! Her idea of creating a 'Sex IQ' paradigm based on five pillars: Embodiment, Health, Collaboration, Self-Knowledge, and Self-Acceptance - is really beautiful. I especially found the discussion on health (exercise and nutrition) as it relates to our sexual selves and pleasure so fascinating. From toys to trauma, communication to anatomy, Dr. Morse really covers all the bases in this book.
February 25, 2024
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Dr Emily is like the big sister you didn’t know you needed! Smart $ex is full of big energy advice and information. Do nonfiction books on $ex intimidate you? Embarrass you? Well, I figure if we can all post pictures of the romance novels we are reading full of spicy scenes, we can admit that we want to learn more about creating those scenes in real life!
November 14, 2023
Hard not to tune her out when she lumped 420 in with web scrolling and shopping as mindfulness deterrents.
I've had 23 orgasms in one night, I should have made that the title of the book.
I've had 23 orgasms in one night, I should have made that the title of the book.
August 5, 2023
Most of the sexual problems in our relationships have nothing to do with sex, and everything to do with communication.
A pretty good guide on all things sex. The book starts and spends a lot of time on psychology and communication, before going into the practical side. There were some moments when I had to roll my eyes while reading it, and the author spent too many pages on some topics (for my taste). But overall, I think most people will find at least something worthwhile on these pages.
A pretty good guide on all things sex. The book starts and spends a lot of time on psychology and communication, before going into the practical side. There were some moments when I had to roll my eyes while reading it, and the author spent too many pages on some topics (for my taste). But overall, I think most people will find at least something worthwhile on these pages.
June 18, 2023
hard to get through
Don’t get me wrong, the info is great, Emily is great. Personally, all I wanted was the info and there was so much surrounding it that it was very hard for me to get through the book.
Don’t get me wrong, the info is great, Emily is great. Personally, all I wanted was the info and there was so much surrounding it that it was very hard for me to get through the book.
April 1, 2023
I was looking for something new when I stumbled upon this book. I found it straight forward, interesting, and full of new things for me to try. This book is sure to give you something useful.
November 16, 2023
Not quite what I expected but I got a lot out of this book! Definitely will be looking into those resources and recommending this one to a few friends to read too!
November 29, 2023
Read Come as you are instead
June 27, 2023
26 June 2023
On “Smart Sex” by Emily Morse
I admit, I’m not usually one to purchase a book because I’ve seen it promoted on social media. For me, that’s normally a detractor; I shy from both what’s currently popular and what seems to be self-promoted—yes, it’s a bias I am aware I might need to inspect.
Nevertheless, this book’s title caught me at just the right moment. I’d recently been wondering why our culture is so repressed that nobody ever talks openly, candidly, calmly about sex. I’ve wanted to initiate conversations with friends, siblings, even my partner about sex, but I didn’t know where to start, how to initiate the dialogue, and a sense of social taboo prevented me: I felt a shushed shame in doing so—even though I could not really validate why that shame existed or whence it stemmed. Even when I was Christian, I believed sex within marriage was celebrated; why shouldn’t we talk about it? Now that I’m no longer Christian and have a very different view on monogamy, that question persisted with greater intensity: why don’t we talk about this? There were other questions too. What are other peoples’ sex lives like? Is my experience normal—could it be better? What actually is a “great sex life,” and how do people even define that? How much don’t I know? Could knowing more improve my life’s pleasure and satisfaction? Who’s to say, considering how very little information I had? In truth, I knew next-to nothing!
The book couldn’t have crossed my feed at a better moment.
Dr. Emily Morse is a sex therapist (yes, she has a PhD in Human Sexuality) and media personality. Her Instagram account was recommended to me by a close friend. She’s hosted an exceptionally popular podcast called Sex with Emily since 2012. Her book is precisely the sex education we all deserved but never received.
Emily’s approach to sex education is shame-free and focuses on rejoicing in the human body’s capacity for pleasure—no matter the reader’s gender or sexuality. Her take that pleasure should neither be enshrouded in shame nor socio-culturally taboo is refreshing at least and liberating at best. Yet she never crosses that line into careless hedonism (she even has a disclaimer about this, delineating between healthy pleasure-seeking and compulsivity/addiction). Here’s my take on her take: we experience plenty enough suffering during our lifetimes; why shouldn’t we maximize the pleasure we can experience in this life—healthy sensory pleasure, that is—especially if this can be pursued ethically? Of course, do no harm, but then…just imagine the possibility!
Along these lines, Dr Morse repeats this epithet throughout the tome: “Communication is lubrication.” That is to say that most important to a healthy sex life is intimacy—and that can only be attained through clear, consistent, calm, compassionate communication with our sexual partner(s). To want a greater sexual connection with your partner is wonderful, especially because to achieve it means diving with more depth into your shared connection. What a phenomenal message—and I know that you’ll concede its truth without hesitation.
Beyond this, Morse’s book covers just about any topic I’ve ever wondered about regarding sexual relationships—plus many topics I did not even know existed. Most of these chapters and sections are relevant to me, some are not (based on my gender, my sexuality, my relationship, and my life choices), but she covers it all with expertise and professionalism. Morse’s writing is simple, easy to read, and the chapters are exceptionally well-organized.
I’m not sure I could recommend a book with more enthusiasm. What better way to blast through the ill-conceived socio-cultural shame bubble surrounding this issue. I’d even encourage my kids to read it…although I might wait until they’re 18 (almost there). Please read this book! You deserve to know better!
On “Smart Sex” by Emily Morse
I admit, I’m not usually one to purchase a book because I’ve seen it promoted on social media. For me, that’s normally a detractor; I shy from both what’s currently popular and what seems to be self-promoted—yes, it’s a bias I am aware I might need to inspect.
Nevertheless, this book’s title caught me at just the right moment. I’d recently been wondering why our culture is so repressed that nobody ever talks openly, candidly, calmly about sex. I’ve wanted to initiate conversations with friends, siblings, even my partner about sex, but I didn’t know where to start, how to initiate the dialogue, and a sense of social taboo prevented me: I felt a shushed shame in doing so—even though I could not really validate why that shame existed or whence it stemmed. Even when I was Christian, I believed sex within marriage was celebrated; why shouldn’t we talk about it? Now that I’m no longer Christian and have a very different view on monogamy, that question persisted with greater intensity: why don’t we talk about this? There were other questions too. What are other peoples’ sex lives like? Is my experience normal—could it be better? What actually is a “great sex life,” and how do people even define that? How much don’t I know? Could knowing more improve my life’s pleasure and satisfaction? Who’s to say, considering how very little information I had? In truth, I knew next-to nothing!
The book couldn’t have crossed my feed at a better moment.
Dr. Emily Morse is a sex therapist (yes, she has a PhD in Human Sexuality) and media personality. Her Instagram account was recommended to me by a close friend. She’s hosted an exceptionally popular podcast called Sex with Emily since 2012. Her book is precisely the sex education we all deserved but never received.
Emily’s approach to sex education is shame-free and focuses on rejoicing in the human body’s capacity for pleasure—no matter the reader’s gender or sexuality. Her take that pleasure should neither be enshrouded in shame nor socio-culturally taboo is refreshing at least and liberating at best. Yet she never crosses that line into careless hedonism (she even has a disclaimer about this, delineating between healthy pleasure-seeking and compulsivity/addiction). Here’s my take on her take: we experience plenty enough suffering during our lifetimes; why shouldn’t we maximize the pleasure we can experience in this life—healthy sensory pleasure, that is—especially if this can be pursued ethically? Of course, do no harm, but then…just imagine the possibility!
Along these lines, Dr Morse repeats this epithet throughout the tome: “Communication is lubrication.” That is to say that most important to a healthy sex life is intimacy—and that can only be attained through clear, consistent, calm, compassionate communication with our sexual partner(s). To want a greater sexual connection with your partner is wonderful, especially because to achieve it means diving with more depth into your shared connection. What a phenomenal message—and I know that you’ll concede its truth without hesitation.
Beyond this, Morse’s book covers just about any topic I’ve ever wondered about regarding sexual relationships—plus many topics I did not even know existed. Most of these chapters and sections are relevant to me, some are not (based on my gender, my sexuality, my relationship, and my life choices), but she covers it all with expertise and professionalism. Morse’s writing is simple, easy to read, and the chapters are exceptionally well-organized.
I’m not sure I could recommend a book with more enthusiasm. What better way to blast through the ill-conceived socio-cultural shame bubble surrounding this issue. I’d even encourage my kids to read it…although I might wait until they’re 18 (almost there). Please read this book! You deserve to know better!
October 16, 2024
Started off stronger than it ended. i would definitely recommend this book as a good, basic sex ed. It educates about sex, pleasure, health, shame, toys, anatomy, positions you can try, some kink, some non monogamy. As far as anatomy and toys, it’s more specific and detailed than other books that gloss over you exploring parts of yourself or just going to a sex shop. It gives detailed examples of what you can try, which I don’t think is included in many desire/sex books.
There were some offhanded/judgemental comments, and although she uses penis/vulva owners verbiage, it doesn’t feel all that inclusive. As a STARTER sex exploration book, i would definitely recommend this to clients/folks (bonus that it’s not so long either)
I’m also gonna be hypercritical on some important points:
- there was no mention of non compliant arousal (she in fact said, if your arousal/genital react to it then you like it, which isn’t aways the case). And doesn’t honor people who have been SA’d
You do not have to have a condition for tight pelvic floor muscles, many athletes naturally have tighter pelvic floors (in which case kegel exercises wouldn’t be helpful).
Some of her claims on her not being icked out by things (like peoples noises/faces) are fine, doesn’t make it true for everyone. People do get the ick, we all have preferences or things we find off putting and it can be okay (as long as we explore it and don’t shame it).
She could’ve gone into more detail on breath play. There were many paragraphs on how dangerous it is and then one sentence on how you could do it safely, which also didn’t adequately describe it well.
Also there’s no mention of relationship anarchy or solo poly.. although it does encourage individual exploration, this book very much feels like a guidebook for “monogamous long term couple is trying to revamp their sex life”.
There were some offhanded/judgemental comments, and although she uses penis/vulva owners verbiage, it doesn’t feel all that inclusive. As a STARTER sex exploration book, i would definitely recommend this to clients/folks (bonus that it’s not so long either)
I’m also gonna be hypercritical on some important points:
- there was no mention of non compliant arousal (she in fact said, if your arousal/genital react to it then you like it, which isn’t aways the case). And doesn’t honor people who have been SA’d
You do not have to have a condition for tight pelvic floor muscles, many athletes naturally have tighter pelvic floors (in which case kegel exercises wouldn’t be helpful).
Some of her claims on her not being icked out by things (like peoples noises/faces) are fine, doesn’t make it true for everyone. People do get the ick, we all have preferences or things we find off putting and it can be okay (as long as we explore it and don’t shame it).
She could’ve gone into more detail on breath play. There were many paragraphs on how dangerous it is and then one sentence on how you could do it safely, which also didn’t adequately describe it well.
Also there’s no mention of relationship anarchy or solo poly.. although it does encourage individual exploration, this book very much feels like a guidebook for “monogamous long term couple is trying to revamp their sex life”.
November 29, 2023
Dr. Emily takes readers on a beginner's A-Z course to pleasure and intimacy. She starts off pretty far back from the starting line: talking about how masturbation won't give you hairy palms, for example. But the road steepens when she gives lists of "Sexual Bucket Lists" (a long laundry list of sexual acts for you and your partner to privately mark off "yes", "no", or "maybe" to and then share back) as well as exercises that include lists of questions to ask to open conversation you may not have had. ("Which celebrities turn you on?", "What is the freest sexual thing you have ever done?", "How do you feel about getting drunk or high for sex?", etc). Her tone is sort of People magazine-y: light, loose, educational, sometimes awkward. (Page 223: "Anyone with an anus can enjoy pegging.") I think this is a good book for anyone learning about sex – filling in gaps in the sex-ed curriculum, with material presented thoughtfully and engaging – but overall a bit of a skimmer.
December 19, 2023
One of my favorite read of the year !
Exactly the kind of book on sex I was looking for. I learned LOTS. I even started meditation again because of that book.
An amazing read on sex education and pleasure in general.
Very well written. Dr Emily Morse talks about a wide range of sex related subjects with details and knowledge. Scientific facts and researches included.
I really feel I have better understanding of my sex life and all the tools to get even more pleasure.
A few things I specifically loved:
- the fact that there’s exercises included to do by yourself and/or with a partner
- use of the terms « penis-owner/vulva-owner » & the first pages on diversity makes it accessible to everybody and LGBTQ+ friendly
- lots of unusual subjects touched on such as anal, ethical non-conventional relationship and kinks which were very interesting to learn more about
5/5 stars all the way!
Exactly the kind of book on sex I was looking for. I learned LOTS. I even started meditation again because of that book.
An amazing read on sex education and pleasure in general.
Very well written. Dr Emily Morse talks about a wide range of sex related subjects with details and knowledge. Scientific facts and researches included.
I really feel I have better understanding of my sex life and all the tools to get even more pleasure.
A few things I specifically loved:
- the fact that there’s exercises included to do by yourself and/or with a partner
- use of the terms « penis-owner/vulva-owner » & the first pages on diversity makes it accessible to everybody and LGBTQ+ friendly
- lots of unusual subjects touched on such as anal, ethical non-conventional relationship and kinks which were very interesting to learn more about
5/5 stars all the way!
April 16, 2025
As a long-time fan of the Sex with Emily podcast, I had high hopes for this book. Unfortunately, I found it difficult to get through. While I appreciate Dr. Emily Morse's mission to make sex education more inclusive and accessible, the content here feels overly basic and lacking in depth. There’s little scientific backing to the information presented, which left it feeling more surface-level than insightful.
The tone and language also didn’t land well for me—it often felt awkward or even cringe-worthy. I understand the intent behind using terms like “vulva owners” and “penis owners,” but the repetition became distracting, and ironically, it sometimes felt more alienating than inclusive.
Overall, I expected more nuance, depth, and expertise, especially given how much I enjoy Emily’s podcast. This just didn’t deliver in the way I’d hoped.
The tone and language also didn’t land well for me—it often felt awkward or even cringe-worthy. I understand the intent behind using terms like “vulva owners” and “penis owners,” but the repetition became distracting, and ironically, it sometimes felt more alienating than inclusive.
Overall, I expected more nuance, depth, and expertise, especially given how much I enjoy Emily’s podcast. This just didn’t deliver in the way I’d hoped.
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